Your world with Dr. Beatrice Hyppolite
Hello,
I am Dr. Marie Beatrice Hyppolite. I hold a doctorate in Health Science with emphasis on Global Health and master’s degree in social work. I have over 14 years of experience in the field of health and human services.
This podcast is primarily focused on mental health and the quality-of-life elements that affect it such as divorce, death, domestic violence, trauma, toxic relationships, and single parenthood to name a few. It is no secret that mental health challenges continue to profoundly impact modern society although not enough discussion is given due to stigma. Research has shown an increase of 25 % in mental health crises after COVID-19. It is important to have honest, uncomfortable conversations about mental health while being supportive. Although we are interdependent, change begins with the individual, hence “your world.”
I welcome you to join me on my journey and look forward to your responses.
Your world with Dr. Beatrice Hyppolite
Inner Feelings and Trauma
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Healing doesn’t come with a finish line—it asks for honesty, patience, and the nerve to say no when your peace is on the line. We welcome writer and registered behavior technician Jane Ann Leandre for a candid, uplifting conversation about defining trauma on your own terms, finding the right therapist, and building a self-care routine that actually fits who you are. Jane shares how the pandemic forced her to face long-suppressed feelings, why journaling became her safest room, and how music, solitude, and movement help her reset without apology.
Together we take on the most stubborn myths: that healing should be quick, that emotions mean you’re “not over it,” and that saying no is unkind. Jane explains how vulnerability works for her—slowly, page by page—and why friends who respect boundaries make real intimacy possible. We talk about resilience as more than endurance; it’s the wisdom to let go of people, places, and patterns that drain you. And we dig into how trauma can look different for each of us—quiet on the outside, loud on the inside, or immobilizing in the open—and how to meet loved ones where they are without pushing their timeline.
Jane also reads two poems, What Is Silence? and The Tapestry, from her new book A Thread I Can’t Hold, a raw and hopeful collection that traces suffocating emotion to a steadier breath. If you need language for what you’re feeling, or permission to make your self-care your own, this conversation offers tools and solidarity you can use today. Listen now, share it with someone who needs it, and tell us: what boundary will you protect this week? If you enjoy the show, follow, rate, and leave a review to help others find us.
Hello everyone, I'm Dr. Beatrice Hippolyte, and this is your world. Hello everyone, welcome, you know, to a brand new episode of Your World with Dr. Beatrice Hippolyte today. We have the privilege to welcome in our studio the most beautiful young lady. You know, thank you. Uh her name is uh Jane Ann Leon. Correct. Welcome. Thank you. How are you today?
SPEAKER_02:I'm good. How are you? You look pretty.
SPEAKER_00:Pretty. You know, you have to give me the recipe. I don't know if I'll be able to make it work. Thank you. Okay, so tell us a little bit about you. Um what do you do where you work? You know, what you have done.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:We don't need to know the age.
SPEAKER_02:Okay, thank you for that. Um, so I am currently a field senior lead RBT. It just means registered behavior technician. So I work with children from the ages of two to twelve years old who are diagnosed with autism.
SPEAKER_00:Okay. Oh, very impressive.
SPEAKER_02:Okay. How do you like it? I love it. I love working with children, so it's really, really fun. I'm not sure if I'll do it for the rest of my life, but for right now, it is something that I enjoy.
SPEAKER_00:Okay, is there anything that you will consider as uh a passion down the road?
SPEAKER_02:Yes, I actually would love to um apply to graduate school to become a licensed mental health counselor.
SPEAKER_00:Okay, okay. And I cannot wait for that moment. Thank you. So we probably at that time we'll who we probably will work on having our own private practice, right? Oh, that would be a dream. Okay, so what we're gonna talk about today?
SPEAKER_02:Um, mental health, trauma, stuff.
SPEAKER_00:I know you were specific about the topic inner feeling and trauma. What it is, walk us what?
SPEAKER_02:Um, inner feelings and trauma. I mean it's essentially exactly what you said are were most inner feelings that I think we don't often share, especially not in public, and especially after going through a trauma, we have deep, deep feelings that I think we push inside. I mean our body's just trying to protect us, so that is fair, but oftentimes we don't know how to work through that, we don't know how to release that, we don't know where to go or what to do with that. So it's about just all the things inhibiting our inner feelings, especially after a trauma.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, and so it's there's any specific type of trauma or trauma in general?
SPEAKER_02:I would say trauma in general, especially since I think trauma is specific to the person. I mean, obviously we have specific trauma like physical, emotional, psychological, all of these things, but nobody can define your trauma but you. So I think because you were the one who lived it. Yeah, exactly. So once you define that trauma, it becomes easier to work through those inner feelings. But I think the first step is defining what was traumatic for you. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:And people sometimes, you know, may say, Oh, you know what? Oh, it was just a simple thing. The person will just go through it. But I always believe nobody, nobody should place him or herself in a position to tell somebody how to feel or to express him or herself after experience, you know, regardless of the, you know, of the type of the uh of trauma that person had experienced. Because you were not there, you were not the one feeling it, feeling it, dealing it, or experiencing it. So it's always, you know, it will be nice, you know, and very respectful, you know, not to tell somebody how she or he sure feel after she or he or he had experienced, you know, a trauma.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, absolutely. I definitely agree. I think we hear the term trauma all the time and we define it um with the bigger things in life, like the terrific and horrific things people go through, and that is the case that it's very, very traumatic. However, living every day is is hard, it's not easy, especially in the world that we live in today. There's a lot um going on all at the same time, and I don't think we're meant to process all of it at the same time. Um, I don't think that's the world that God like created for us or attended for us, and I think it's a lot to process. So going through something every day or small, some people might define it as small, but it might be traumatic for you because you have never been through it before or you didn't expect to react the way that you did to to that, and so it's probably bigger for you than it is for somebody else. So I think it is very personal.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, because it's like you know, when something ha traumatic happened to somebody, first of all, you were not expecting for that to happen, and that ha when that happened, it just caught you by surprise. Yep, and so and everybody's gonna have a different reaction because we are all different and we we we tend to react differently to situations. It's it's a bottom line. Yeah, absolutely. So if you were to to share what one experience uh that you probably will consider that shape your approach toward uh healing and trauma.
SPEAKER_02:I think the pandemic for me personally was a big event. Obviously, it's a big event for the entire world, but because it shield shielded everybody and forced us to be inside, I think personally for me, it forced me to deal with a lot of things that I think I was ignoring. Because all I had was going home, going to work if I was an essential worker, or going home, like that's that's all I had. We couldn't do anything else, we couldn't go anywhere else. So I mean it pushes you in isolation, and what else do you do in isolation but just have time to think or have time to feel, and oftentimes that's when those inner feelings come out. And for me, it made me recognize that I had these deep feelings that I was definitely suppressing for a long time. Like, no, I am I do feel sad about this, or I do feel angry about that, and I mean I'm working on it to this day, but I think the start of the pandemic, which was 2020, all the way up until now, led me to have to face that and understand those feelings are okay, and that it's okay to let it out, or it's okay to seek help. Yes, yes, and that was actually the first thing that I did. I seeked help, I sought out therapy, and it was trial and error because I had to find the therapist that worked for me, which was a bigger thing, and especially as a young black woman, finding a therapist that works for you is a really big and important thing because you're gonna express yourself and reveal your innermost deeper feelings, and so you need somebody that can relate to that or not even relate to that, create a safe space for you. For you, yeah, and so that was the first thing I did, and then I began journaling, which was one of my biggest coping mechanisms, and helped me a lot through that. So, yeah, it was it was just facing the reality of like because I'm in isolation and I have no other choice, these feelings are gonna come up now. I have to address it and be okay with it and seek help, and so yeah, I think that was a turning point in my life.
SPEAKER_00:So when you were you when you basically started pouring those feelings into writing, yeah. So what that uh what space, what was the safety nest that created for you?
SPEAKER_02:I think it just because I knew that nobody else was going to open it up and read it and it was just mine to have, I could just release anything that I wanted to release. Okay. I could just go crazy, even if it sounded really bad or messy or anything. I just knew I just kept on going and going and going. And yeah, I think that that was the I think that's what I think.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, because you were safe knowing that hey, you know, I'm not gonna be judged at any of the things that I put down because it's my it's my only person who's who have access to it. Yeah, absolutely. Okay. How do you prioritise self-care when dealing with emotional pain?
SPEAKER_02:Again, something that I'm still working on to this day, but I think I had to change my idea of what self-care looked like, especially for me. Um, I can't do like the face masks or the bubble baths, it doesn't work for me. Self-care to me is taking a minute for myself, like removing myself and being in my room by myself, listening to music, or journaling, like I said, it's really big, or messaging my therapist if I need to, or writing, or doing all these things that I think make me happy for a short period of time. That again I know that I don't need to go to somebody else for, so they don't have to judge me or anything like that, it's just for me. And so I I also really enjoy listening to gospel music. Um something that brings me back to inner peace or jazz music or yeah, I love that.
SPEAKER_00:I love jazz music too. Yeah, you know, but you mentioned something that is very important when you say bubble bath or something else that they're not for you, yeah. And it's it's okay, yeah, because you have to find something that works for you.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, absolutely.
SPEAKER_00:So it's like uh for some people, you know, me, if I were to really sus something, just put me in a situation to take a long walk or be in nature, you know. So I may go to a park where you have a lot of trees, I'll just go, you know, like uh sit down there for the whole day meditating. Yeah, you know, and but for some people it may not work for them. So, like, you know, and if I were to find a treadmill and spend a like a whole hour on that treadmill, so I oh only God knows how much I can release from that moment. Yeah, so so that's that's why it's very important for everybody to know or find what works for you.
SPEAKER_02:Absolutely, yeah. And I definitely spent time trying to force myself to make those things work for me, and then coming to terms with like because that's what with self-care was divine as bubble baths and face masks and all that stuff, which is great, but it just didn't work for me because self-care is supposed to be something for yourself that brings you back and makes you feel at peace, and so yeah, you just have to find what works for you.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, you know, it very important, you know, to find what works for you. What is a misconception people often have about trauma and healing?
SPEAKER_02:Um, I love this question. Because, and I'm again still working through it, is that which is perfect because healing is not just one thing, it's constant throughout your life. And so, in the beginning, especially when I first started therapy, I was like, Why am I not journeying? Yeah, why am I not done? Why am I not finished? Why do I still feel angry? Why do I still feel these feelings? But it makes no sense because you're still gonna go throughout life every single day, and so even if you healed from this part, what if something else triggers it and you're angry again? Or what if something else happens and you had a bad day? And I think that was the biggest one for me too. I would have a bad day and be like, why am I still feeling sad or angry? It's not the emotions that I'm trying to fight. Like you're allowed to feel sad and angry, that's okay. Healing isn't about removing those emotions or just being over it or being done. It's about feeling those emotions, accepting it for what it is. You had a bad day, you're sad, you're angry. Okay, like then find the best way to address them. Yes, find the best way to address them. If you know, okay, I know I'm like upset right now, maybe I can go journal for a little bit, maybe I can go color, um, maybe I can go to the gym, and then I know I will feel better after that. And all cally friend invent about it, do you know? I do that, especially right now. Oh, I'm constantly texting my friend, just text, text, text, text. Yep, or I'll come home and bother my mom. I'll be like, mom, da da da da. This happened. So yeah, definitely finding that and accepting it for what it is. Like it's okay to have a bad day, it's a journey, it's not the destination. Exactly. So yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Very important to know. Yeah, very important to know. Can you share a turning point in your own healing journey if you were to?
SPEAKER_02:Um, a turning point my holiday. I would say last year, maybe around summertime, was the biggest turning point because I decided to pour back into myself. So I I was addressing these issues in therapy and being like, okay, well, I'm working through these issues, and my therapist was like, Why don't you apply these coping skills? Da da da da. And I'm like, Well, I don't think that's fine, but then what happens after that? Well, you have to constantly apply these coping skills, and then you also have to just find something like I keep on saying for you. So I started a new hobby that I really enjoy, and accepting that I don't have to be perfect at it, I'm just starting it, and it's just for my enjoyment.
SPEAKER_00:You never have to be perfect because if you start with the idea of being perfect, you probably will never try. Or even if you try, you may not uh uh uh uh continue trying. Yes, so no, so that's that was a good mentality. Hey, yeah, no, know that hey, I'm gonna try this, but I don't need to be perfect at it.
SPEAKER_02:Flipping that switch was a big thing for me because I really enjoy it, and I leave there with my cup more filled than anything else. So it's like in the moment, yes, I could be a little frustrated that I wasn't exactly fantastic at it, but that's not the point. The point is doing something that fills your cup up and leaves you feeling more whole than anything else. And then if you have more things that fill your your life up, so like at a certain point, I was literally just going home, going to work, going home, going to work, going home, going to work, and feeling like, well, why am I so depressed? Probably because I don't have anything else that's really pouring myself into it. So starting this new hobby was really amazing for me, and then continuing writing in a different form. Like, yes, I was journaling, but then writing poetry was also a feeling for me because I'm starting something that's filling my cup up and releasing the the feelings that I've been like trapping for so long, but just in other ways. And I also really enjoy going to the gym. Going to the gym, like starting it is really hard, but every time I leave the gym I feel great because I know I'm doing something that's healthy for my body, and I'm doing something to feel strong, and that's a great feeling.
SPEAKER_00:So I think and emotionally that helped you release a lot of uh a lot of stress too.
SPEAKER_02:Yes, absolutely, it definitely does. And I used to be I think I was holding myself back from so long and being like, well, I'm not one of those people that it that doesn't work for me, you know. This doesn't work for me, that doesn't work for me. Okay, that's fine, but I also never gave myself the ability to try. And trying at it and being like, Okay, maybe I'm not great at it right now, but I will eventually be great at it. And guess what? It does work for me because I always leave better than when I came, and that's how that works. So the that turning point of just starting something that I know I'm not good at right now, but will eventually build up and then make me feel happy. So, yeah, definitely.
SPEAKER_00:And even if you never get to to the point that you probably wish it's okay. Yeah, it's okay. You don't need to beat up yourself, you know, just the fact, you know what, I've been trying this for three months, four months, six months, and I thought that at this point I will have been great at it, but I'm still in the trying mode. It's okay. And it it's only been a couple months.
SPEAKER_02:I think it's like the I think society also aids in the fact that it pushes you and adds so much pressure for you to be perfect at certain things when it's only been a couple months.
SPEAKER_00:At the end of the day, the life you are living, the experiences that you are having, you are the only one facing them, not society in reality. Yeah, so that's why you know. So it's like I understand we live in a society that we have to kind of like conform to, you know, but at the end of the day, the most important thing is who you are as a person and how you should take care of yourself. Yeah, because when things get to fall down, society is not gonna be there to pick up the pieces. Absolutely. You're gonna have to pick up the pieces, you're gonna have to figure it out along with family and friends if you are lucky to have them around. Yeah, so it's it's very important. So I know, like I said prior, we cannot decide to say, you know what, hey, I'm gonna live in a society not to pay attention to society, but we cannot let society dictate how to live our lives. Absolutely. Other than that, that will have drive us really crazy.
unknown:You know.
SPEAKER_00:How do you navigate vulnerability in relationships after experiencing trauma?
SPEAKER_02:I definitely very slowly, if you were to talk to anybody in my life, they would say that I definitely am a closed book that slowly cracks open just a little bit and gives you just enough information to where if I know that I feel comfortable in this space, then I can keep going. So I I think I'm great at having other people like tell me what they need to feel, and then I'll listen. And as for me, I provide a little bit of information, and then and if they are a space, if we're in a space in which I feel comfortable, then I can keep going. And having certain people in my life, like for instance, right now, the friendships that I have in my life, they understand that, and so it makes us have a great friendship because they allow me to be me in the way that I need to be, because they understand, hey, I understand that it's hard for you to just open up the whole book and release all your information. So if you need a second, just tell me page by page, and that totally works for me. And I think that's a beautiful thing because for me it's all about the safe space that we have between each other and our bond between each other first before I open up the entire book.
SPEAKER_00:And which, no, no, it made it does make a lot of sense. I appreciate the fact that your friends, you know, or those around you understand and also respect you as a person and also respect that hey, you know what? Boundaries need to be taken into consideration. Yeah, at this level, she doesn't want to give more than. We were hoping for. And whatever that she gave, that's what we have to walk with. Yeah. Because you know, I probably when I used to be, you know, a younger version of myself. So it's like, you know, at one point some of my friends, you know, taught that, hey, hey, she doesn't talk at all. But it's important. I get that off. You know, so to really understand, you know, when and how much time you have to give people. Some people they just like to talk. They'll come and just open the entire book. Some people, you may only have half of a page. And so you're gonna have another five years or ten years, you know, to complete that one page. And I think you know, I was at that, not because you know, and something that is it very important you point out. So it's like you want to feel trust, you know. You want to feel the trust. And you wanna feel that, hey, you know what? It's uh whatever information that I'm gonna put out there, yeah. It's part of my life. Yeah, I'm not gonna just go and throw, you know, my life information out there, and before they know it, so it's like you know, it's gonna spread all over the world. Yeah, no, I'm not trying to publicize that part of my life that way, and everybody who is in my life, you know, should understand or should be able to understand and respect the way I move.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, absolutely. Because I can respect the way other people are. I mean, I have most people in my life right now who are open books and I applaud them for that. I think it's a beautiful thing. Um, however, I have absolutely expressed too, and I think it's about communication too, the bigger thing I've expressed that I'm I'm not like that, and we can absolutely still be in each other's lives, we can be friends, but I'm gonna accept you the way you are, accept me the way I am, and they do, and it's been amazing because for me it's a full body experience. If I if my body just tightens up and I feel like I'm no longer able to communicate in the space, then I simply just shut down and I'm not able to.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, so yeah, yeah, even in therapy, when you have a client come to you for the first time, you know, the client will not just gonna open up. Yeah, you know, and you have as the therapist, so you're gonna have to create that a space where client can feel you, yeah, trust you before you may have a client coming to therapy for like a six, seven, eight, twelve sessions, yeah, and haven't told you anything. But what you're gonna say as a therapist, oh you know what, she or she's not talking, so I cannot waste the time now. No, so it's people really wanna feel that hey, I can trust you, yeah. Absolutely. And when I feel and I know that I can trust you, then that's the time I'll be able to open up. Yeah, but if I cannot trust you, and deep in my bones I feel it, yeah, it's not gonna happen. You know, I uh you know, I'm sorry, because there are people the minute that you enter their life or they enter your life, they they wanna know everything. Everything, yeah. No, and so and some will make uh mean will make you your yeah the math project. No, don't try to make me your math project. Because if you're gonna make it worse. If I if I catch you trying to make me your math project, I'm gonna make it hard. Yeah, mm-hmm. I know.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, I'm gonna make it hard and you're gonna make it worse, and we're gonna be here for way longer. Or we simply just don't have to be here at all, which is fine. I think, yeah, I think depending on who you've experienced during your life, either you're used to a person like me or you're not, and that's fine, but uh it will definitely be I will definitely be somebody that's challenges you in that way. If you're not used to it, then I'm definitely gonna be a person that's like, I'm sorry, this is gonna take some time, maybe next time. And you're gonna have to be okay with that.
SPEAKER_00:Okay, yeah, okay. And if you don't, if you're not okay with it, because at the end of the day, we have to know when to let some people go. Yeah, and it's okay, there's nothing wrong, you know, when we let people go. Yeah. What one one thing you have learned about resilience that you wish you will have known earlier.
SPEAKER_02:Uh I there's actually I have a poem in my book called The Tapestry, and it speaks about resilience. And the first line I believe is resilience is my superpower. I didn't know this before, but I know this now. Resilience is not only what you're able to go through and push through, but it's also what you're able to let go of. And that was the biggest lesson, especially last year for me. Having to learn that it's okay to let go of environments of people that no longer serve you is a strength that I think everyone should value. Because I could sit here and be like, absolutely, I was very resilient for going through this and going through that, and going through disrespect, going through all of these certain challenges. However, I could take away from that, okay. So I've gone through all this, right? And I could take away the lessons from it, but then I also know I have to know how to remove myself from it. Because I think certain times a lot of people sit in the comfortability of the fact that because I went through all this, this is the only pain that I know, and I have to continue it, and I have to sit in it. When I think resilience is not just pushing through the pain, but also taking the lessons from it and going beyond somewhere else. And so knowing when to remove yourself and to let go, that is a strength and that's a superpower. And although, yes, I do wish I knew that earlier, I'm also glad I didn't. I'm also glad I figured this out now, and so I can carry it on for the future.
SPEAKER_00:If you are comfortable sharing, uh what is the reason why you just wish that you did it?
SPEAKER_02:Um because of the lessons I took away, or because of the people that I met through it. I met some great people through it, and they're in my life right now, and I think about the fact that if I hadn't I wouldn't have met them, and so there's always a silver lining somewhere, and I could sit here and be like, Oh, I wish I didn't have to go through all that just to meet those great people, but because I did now the bond I have with these people is so much stronger because they know my pain and they see it and they allow me to talk about it and sit in it however many times I want to. So, and then we come out having an amazing time, and they always make me feel better. So, yeah, that's kind of why I wish. Those other people will allow you to be vulnerable, yes, and vulnerability is a big thing for me. Um, I'm not really good at vulnerability at all. I can admit that it's something that I have to work through, it's something that my therapist told me that I have to work through. Um so it's very hard for me to be vulnerable, and they know that, but the fact that they allowed a space for me to be that, especially knowing the person that I am, is amazing. So that's why I'm just grateful.
SPEAKER_00:I know exactly what you're talking about. I can relate to that. So, my next question: how do you help others create a safe space for discussing inner feeling and trauma?
SPEAKER_02:Um this is an interesting question because for some reason I attract the people that are open books and just tend to like reveal all their information to me. Um, I don't know why that is. I'm hoping it's because they just see me as a safe space, I think, but I also think I just talk less and listen more. Like I just sit and just allow them to go for as long as they need to go. And I also think it's because I'm able to give the feedback that I think they're not exactly adjusted to. So, like, I have this particular friend who you know goes on and on about romantic relationships, and then I turn around and I hit her with a very like harsh reality quote, and I think she's she well, she understands she expects it now because she knows where I am, but in the beginning she didn't, and so I think she respects me for it, and I think that's able to carry on in the future. So I also don't push people for information. If you if they start out trying to explain something to me and they're like, you know what, I don't know if I can say the rest of it, I say okay, whenever you're ready. I we don't have to go deep up. You can tell me as much as you want to tell me. I I will not pester you because especially if it's a certain situation that's very hard for you to talk about, like a past experience that you have, and we just happen to touch on the topic. Hey, you can tell me as much as you want to tell me, we can stop right here, we can do something else.
SPEAKER_00:So it's about having then especially if trauma was involved, especially. You don't want to push it for the person to open up, yeah, and for you not being able to to assist the appropriate way, so hey, it's it's safer to just leave it that way.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, and like if I can tell by your face that you seem a little bit uncomfortable, I also may not know it's something traumatic. It might be very traumatic for you. So I'm like, hey, like you don't we don't have to keep on going. This is completely up to you. And oftentimes they're like, oh no, no, it's fine, I want to share, and then they share. Oftentimes it's like, yeah, maybe let's talk about something else. And I'm like, okay, that's completely okay. So I never push for too much information, I never delve, and because I'm the way that I am, I just end up being silent most of the time, so they end up filling the space with their conversation, and that's completely fine.
SPEAKER_00:Very important. I I really like that approach. How do you define healing in the context of trauma?
SPEAKER_02:Um, I define it as living your life while accepting your past experiences and learning to be okay with it. I think that's what I define a healing as. Because especially I've come to learn and I'm still learning because I'm human and it happens every day. I will have something that triggers me, and I will get really emotional about it and think to myself, well, I I feel like I work through this, but I'm still human. It doesn't mean that I won't still have an emotion based on it because yeah, I mean I've worked through it, but that experience made me upset. So why would I accept it? Like, why would I expect it, the emotion to change, you know? No, that was that was an upsetting experience, and that's okay, I'm allowed to be upset about it, but then I'm also able to be like, okay, I was upset, I didn't like that, so I know for next time I'll go about it differently, or I want to allow myself to be in that situation, or if it comes across, I know what to do now because I didn't like it before, so I can just say no the next time. So I think, yeah, it's definitely about just living and being okay with your past experiences and taking something away from it so that way if it does happen again, then you have better coping mechanisms for it next time. But it's the emotional aspect of it is never gonna go away. It's it's it's not gonna go away because we're humans, we have emotions all the time. We're sad, we're happy, we're frustrated. That part is never gonna go away. I think oftentimes when it comes to healing, we attack the emotion aspect of it, but your emotions they're not wrong. The emotions are your your coping mechanisms. This is what your body goes through to help you keep you safe. So, like if it's going through something that is hurtful, then you're gonna experience the pain, you're gonna experience the hurt, the anger through it, and that's completely fine. It's the experience itself that's not okay, and that way next time you can be like, I don't like this experience, and I feel this way about it, my feeling is completely justified because I can't help it, I'm upset, and I know now for next time, hey, I'm gonna say no, or I'm just gonna try to deteriorate from it and go in a different direction. So, yeah, that's that's the big one.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, try to find a better way to address it. Yes, absolutely. Uh yeah, you mentioned something that if you didn't like it, you will say no. Talking about that, how comfortable that you are into saying no.
SPEAKER_02:Ooh, um not comfortable at all. It's very scary for me saying no. Because why so? I I'm an emotional person. I I don't release my emotions, but they're in there, they're deep in there, and so saying no for me seems scary because it me feels like I'm doing something wrong when I'm only just trying to protect myself. But because that's what I know and that's what I've seen, saying no is disrespectful versus hey saying no is protecting myself and it's completely okay to say.
SPEAKER_00:That's uh culturally, that's one aspect that you wanna consider when you say saying no, it can be disrespectful. Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_02:It is culture related or just uh yeah, I would say it's culture related, but I would also say in terms of like school, like say when you're young, if you're inexperienced, because oftentimes I think we have we do this a lot to children, and I would know I work with children, and so I especially I the population I work with, like I said, they have autism, so we have to teach them certain skills that typical children already have. We have to teach them to say yes or no to situations that they either feel okay with or they feel uncomfortable with. Whereas a child, when they're younger, they already can tell you yes or no. But oftentimes I think we ignore what the children want because they're so young and we think, oh well, they don't know what they want. I disagree. I think they do know what they want. They're telling you yes or no. And so in school, let's say you're playing with the other kids and you're saying no, but then an adult comes in and they're like, oh well, they're just trying to play with you, it's okay. But you're saying no. So I think it's also okay for that child to just not want to play with that child. And I think that's kind of where it starts, where it's like, if I say no, then I'm being mean. But it's not. I think you're saying no because you just don't want to play with this certain game with that certain child at that time. But maybe next time you'll say yes. So I think it starts from young, and I do think culturally, but also um at in the education system, we built it in a way that we feed children the answers and we correct them whether we think it's wrong or right, but I think it's just their opinions, and we have to figure out and navigate when it's time for us to come in and step in, and for us to also just accept their answer, like it's a no, because the child simply doesn't want to do it, and that's completely fine. So I think growing up that way, I was like, I sometimes I just can't say no. Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:But you know it's okay to say no. Yeah, I'm learning now. You know, it's like in order to protect yourself, absolutely, you have to say no. I know there are people who will eat no for breakfast, you know. You know, and I don't know if I myself I fall into that category, but in terms of protecting myself and knowing that saying no is for a good cause, yeah, I'll just say no. Say no, yeah, yeah. You know, and sometimes we tend to have more concern about the way the other people will feel or will react if we were to say no compared to how this will affect or impact me as a person.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:No, so it's like it's a beautiful thing to look out for others. Yeah. But it's vital that I look for myself out for myself first.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, yeah, because if you don't look out for yourself, you can't look out for others. And I think some people have it the other way around. Um, yes, you definitely want to look out for others, you definitely want to make sure that person is okay. But if I say no, it's not you shouldn't be offended by that. It has nothing to do with you, it has everything to do with me. And so coming to terms with that, especially now, and I think sometimes it's just something you learn with age if you're not used to it, but especially now, I'm still uncomfortable only because of the feelings that come up with that because of my past, but I'm definitely learning to become comfortable with saying no now, and just making it a full sentence, also, not explaining myself.
SPEAKER_00:No, I don't want to. You know, let's say, for example, you know, I'm gonna just throw that example out there. Let's say, for example, you and I are friends, right? And for whatever reason, I'm not feeling well.
SPEAKER_02:Yeah.
SPEAKER_00:And so there was a party that, you know, I know that we both were invited. And you came and asked me, hey, you still wanna go to the party? You know, because I would like for you to be there. Yeah, and I know I'm not feeling well. Yeah, I'm gonna tell you no. Yeah, at this moment, I have to be home to take care of me. So there will be a lot of other parties to go to. At this moment, my answer will be just no. And you should be able to be comfortable with it. Yeah, and if for whatever reason you choose not comfortable with my no response, yeah. I can't help you with that. I can't help you. So yeah. Hey, I'm not trying I'm not saying that we're no longer friends. Right, right. I'm saying that I'm not going to that party because I'm not feeling well. Yeah, that's bottom line. What one thing you wish people understood about living with trauma?
SPEAKER_02:Um that it reveals itself in different ways for different people. Um, I think oftentimes we expect people to have giant emotions when it comes to that, but people have people are different, so like for me, I internalize it. And so on the outside, it could look like I'm perfectly fine just living throughout my life, but I'm I am fighting an internal battle because I don't know what to do with all of these emotions, because I haven't accessed my coping skills yet or any of my coping mechanisms yet. So I'm just walking around and I'm trying to put on a brave face because I have to do all these things, go to work, hang out with friends, be normal for society, but in real reality, it's it's deep inner for me. But with somebody else, it just reveals themselves on the outside. And you can tell from just looking at them, they look tired, they look sad. They they look like they just can't do anything and sometimes they can't. They can't move. They can't they they're stuck. They're stuck in their their free their freeze mode. And they just cannot function either way. And we often attack those kinds of people because for me, it looks like I'm good and dandy, right? I'm faking it. But when we come after those people who are actually physically struggling because we're not used to that, right? We're used to people having to go throughout their daily lives and they're making it hard, but people have different reactions to trauma, especially living with trauma in the every single day. But that person just can't continue to function. They need help. And recognizing that they need help versus bashing them is uh better for them and for their continuation. So yeah, I think people just have a different reaction to it, and I think that's what I want people to understand. Definitely, it just comes out in different ways, and it's okay because we're different people.
SPEAKER_00:Okay, so now let me go with my last question. How can listeners support loved ones struggling with trauma?
SPEAKER_02:Um, respecting their boundaries and cultivating a space where they could either come to you or come to somebody else. So if you know that that person's having a difficult time, yes, you can be there. I know people definitely want to be there physically, emotionally, they want to support, but you have to meet that person where they are. If they are asking for space, give space. If they're asking for support, give support. If they're asking for um access to mental health therapy, provide it with them. Meet them where they are, but don't push their healing just because you're okay. That's not how that works. So if you really want to actually be a good support system, meet them where they are. And that way, maybe one day they can meet you where you are. And it might take time, you have to have patience for that. But if you really want to be there and support that person, you have to have patience and just meet them where they are until they are ready to meet you where you are.
SPEAKER_00:That's very important, and I hope those who are watching, you know, are really taking that into consideration. Now, since we don't have any more questions, but we're gonna talk about something that is very important. And uh you recently came out with this book uh titled A Thread I Can't Hold. And uh we wanna talk about it. So what uh was the motivation you know for you to come? I've noticed it's a series of poems. So what what was the idea? What you know what forced you? What was behind that?
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, um, yeah. So my book is called A Thread I Can't Hold, suffocating from the inside out. Um the title explains exactly what it is. It's what I'm going through in a series of poems, literally suffocating from the inside out, from all the emotions that I simply can't hold. Um, and the motivation was truly deeply. Um I've always wanted to come out with a book, never knew what kind of book it would be, thought it would be way in the future, way in the future. Um, but I decided to start writing poems and I challenged myself to just self-publish and see where it goes. Um and it's just expressing myself and seeing if somebody would connect to it. And I think somebody would.
SPEAKER_00:Oh definitely, definitely. Oh no, some of them are really, really amazing. So if people were to look for that book, so where they will find it.
SPEAKER_02:Uh yes, it is on Amazon and it's out now. Um, and that is mostly the only platform it isn't online. You can find it on Amazon only. So yes. And how much is the book? It's ten dollars.
SPEAKER_00:Okay, so very inexpensive. Come on, so it's you know, it's a good price. Let's go out there and support Jane Ann. So we can do that. Ten dollars, you know, so that much, and it's a very easy read.
SPEAKER_02:Yes, so it's only 54 pages. Um, the poems I planned it to be in sort of a series, so it tells a sort of a story, so I think I think it's easy to follow. Um, it has a happy ending, which you don't see oftentimes in poems. So, yeah, I I think it's I'm really proud of it.
SPEAKER_00:Okay, will you say some of the poems will have somebody who's dealing with trauma? I you know, lacking them off copy.
SPEAKER_02:I think it might be a trigger, but I also think if you read through the whole thing, it also might be very healing for sure. Once you get to the whole thing, because you realize it starts off just everything out on paper, very high emotional, and then it comes at the end where you have some sort of resolve where you feel like there is hope. So, yeah, I definitely think it it starts off like depressive, but then by the end of it, I think once you finish it, you feel like there is hope to continue. So, I I I personally think it does. It helped me, yeah.
SPEAKER_00:When you realize that hey, you know what, I have to have a book out here and it the time is right now. Yeah, when did you realize that?
SPEAKER_02:Um in the fall, and I only realized that because to talk about healing, like I said, I started a new hobby. I started feeling good about myself. I started feeling like maybe if I put it all pen to paper and see what it feels like, what it looks like, it would help me even more, and it did, it's very freeing. And then I thought, if I were me and I felt the way that I was feeling, I would love to read something like this and feel like you know what, somebody else feels the same way, or somebody else can relate, or even if you can't relate, raw emotion on paper in a way, it's a book that you wish you had, yes, absolutely. Absolutely, and I think raw emotion on paper is very powerful, and I think we lost that kind of sense because we're all just trying to fix ourselves right now, but I think it's okay to read the emotion on paper and allow it to sink in and feel like yeah, that's exactly how I feel. So, yeah, that's why I wanted it out.
SPEAKER_00:Okay, so it's like basically so I'm just being curious, yeah, you know, because it's poems, yeah. So not anybody, you know, it's like I you know I came out with a book, you know, couple uh two or three years ago. Yeah, my book is a memoir, yeah. So it's like the story was there. All I had to do is just like fill in the blank. Yeah, so to write poems, it requires a different set of skills. Let me tell you something. I would probably never be able to write poems, and I read some of them, they are so beautiful. Thank you. So when you started write it down, so it was in a form of poems, or you just just write things down.
SPEAKER_02:Well, yeah, like I said, I've been journaling, it definitely wasn't in the form of poems. Once I started like writing down my feelings, it was just words on paper. And then I thought to myself, because when I was very young, like very young, I had I wrote a poem about art and it um got published in a book, um, just one poem about art. I don't know why, but it just came up in a memory of mine, and I thought, let me try again, like let me try to write a poem again. And I thought about it as a way to just literally write the rawest emotion that I can think of in a way that is it coping mechanics. Yes, and a way that is less scary than going up to someone and being like, I feel very like this. It's a way that you can read it without read it, read it and figure out what it feels like and what you feel about it, versus me just saying, I feel very angry, versus you can read the words on the page and feel I think this person feels very angry through this poem. So I I just find it fascinating and I I like the the word play of it all.
SPEAKER_00:It's a very beautiful book, and I encourage everybody to go out there and support Jane by buying a copy for just ten dollars. The book is being sold on Amazon, and I know you know it's what your work, so you probably love all of the poems you know, indeed. But uh, I'm pretty sure you may have one or two, or maybe a few of them that you considered has your favorites. So, and before we even finish with this, and I would love to have you read for myself and the viewers one of your favorites.
SPEAKER_02:Uh yeah, absolutely. I can read two. Okay. Um one of these is my mother's personal favorite. Um whose personal my mother's favorite.
SPEAKER_00:Oh your mother's favorite, okay.
SPEAKER_02:Um it is called What is Silence? How do I sit in silence if I don't even know what it is? What is silence? Is it the absence of thought, a room filled with light? Is it something within me or something out? I can't sit in silence. The noise is my comfort, the colorful flicker of the TV, the pitter patter of feet, the crickets chirping deep into the night. I need the sounds to drown the shadows creeping in the background, the voices painting pictures of my demise. Why should I sit in silence when silence is where my demons rise? Wow. Very powerful. Thank you. Um, and then I can also read one of my personal favorites. It is called the tapestry. Um, it speaks to resilience like I was talking about earlier. So this is called the tapestry. Resilience is my superpower. It's the tight rope holding me up as the wind keeps me off balance, a balancing act between my pain and my relief. It's often mistaken for weakness because it doesn't present as strength. Yet the most powerful strength of all is the one unrecognized by most. See, resilience is my superpower. It reflects my intelligence as I hold space for your reflection through the pieces of my broken mirror. It connects me to hope I see, peeking through the crack of a building door, whispering joy from the other side. With every step I defy the odds, turning scars into stories and darkness into light. Resilience is my superpower. Resilience is my tapestry, woven with threads of insight, and in the silence I gather my strength and suddenly take flight.
SPEAKER_00:Resilience is my superpower as well. I love that. Good job! Good job. Congratulations. Like I said, go get your copies. I already have my soul. It was a pleasure having you on the show. So I know the commute was not easy. You travel from upstate to come here. I don't have enough words to thank you.
SPEAKER_02:No, thank you for having me on. I really appreciate it. Now, any last word to the viewers before we leave? Um, like I said, you can get it on Amazon now. Um, I also started the Instagram page. It's J A underscore Leonj, L E A N D-R-E. Um, I post some of my poems on there too. I will share some of the poems through my book. Um, so if you want to hear more from me, you can definitely follow me on there.
SPEAKER_00:Okay. Okay, I'm gonna let everybody go. That's it. It was with you, Dr. Beatrice Hippolyte, with your world. Thank you so much.
SPEAKER_02:Thank you.