[18] Strong is Beautiful: From FBI to Founder with Alison Bosworth

In this episode of Give Yourself Grace, Grace sits down with Alison Bosworth, a former FBI analyst turned entrepreneur, instructor, and the founder of Strong is Beautiful, a self-defense course designed to empower women through mindset, boundaries, and practical safety tools.

Alison opens up about her transition from government and corporate life into entrepreneurship, how losing her career ended up being the best thing that ever happened to her, and what it means to live in alignment with your purpose. Together, they explore what real safety looks like, from physical defense to emotional boundaries, and how confidence and awareness are your greatest tools.

Their conversation is a masterclass in personal growth, unlearning generational conditioning, and reclaiming your power. Whether you're in corporate America or launching your dream business, this one’s for you.

Here are some key takeaways:

• Self-defense isn’t about becoming a fighter, it’s about becoming aware and prepared.
• Confidence and assertiveness are often stronger deterrents than aggression.
• Boundaries are the ultimate act of self-love and require consistent communication.
• The way you let others treat you is a reflection of how you treat yourself.
• You don’t have to wait until something bad happens to prioritize your safety.
• Every failure leads to growth—investing in yourself is always worth it.
• Having a “go-to move” and situational awareness can save your life.
• You don’t need to be aggressive to be powerful. Kindness and strength can coexist.
• Being “too much” by someone else’s standards is often a sign you’re on the right track.
• Boundaries with those closest to you are the hardest—but most transformative.

Alison is the founder of Strong is Beautiful, a self-defense and empowerment course for women. She’s also a former FBI analyst, martial arts instructor, fitness competitor, and corporate strategist who has blended her passion for personal safety, physical wellness, and mindset into a powerful offering for women.

Connect with Alison
Website: strong-is-beautiful.com
Instagram: @strongisbeautifulsd

Give Yourself Grace is hosted by Grace Perry, a content creator and coach, and is designed to empower you to embrace your journey through every phase of life. The podcast offers entertainment, guidance, and practical tools for your personal transformation.

Connect with Grace
Instagram: @giveyourselfgracepod , @gperryproductions
Website: graceperryproductions.com

Transcript

Grace Perry (00:00.142)
you

Grace Perry (00:03.842)
Welcome to Give Yourself Grace. I'm your host, Grace Perry, and I am so thrilled you're here. As a content creator and coach, I've built a six-figure business to help women step into their power and share their stories with the world. My mission is to empower you to embrace your unique journey and every season this life has to offer. If you crave entertainment, guidance, and tools to transform your reality, you have come to the right place. So come with me on this adventure and truly give yourself the grace that you deserve.

Let's dive into the show.

Grace Perry (00:41.742)
I'm so grateful that you're here today. So thank you for joining us. Of course. I'm so excited to be here on your podcast. Sharing your magic with the world. It's crazy. So I met Allison at a Bodie medallion golf tournament, which then translated into helping create your incredible course, which we're going to talk about today. But some really, really incredible and just exciting things have happened in the last six months for you. But I kind of want to start

from the beginning. So I would love to know a little bit about your business journey. And let's talk, let's get about, I wanted to hear about the FBI first of all, but I also just want to know like how you decided that you wanted to create a self-defense course for women. Okay. So the business journey is a journey all on its own because I didn't even know what it was like to be a business owner, to be an entrepreneur. Like that was never.

was never the career path. I started in academia with forensic research, went into the FBI, like my career was going to be the Bureau, or at least I thought. Life events happen. That wasn't how my life panned out. I did just about seven and a half years in the Bureau, then went into the private sector. I went into the cannabis industry of all industries.

Love it. And that was kind of my introduction to being an entrepreneur. So I was with a startup license holder. We launched right before COVID. It was an event space. And again, as things panned out with COVID, no one was having events and our business model just kind of fell apart. A few pivots here and there. And, you know, again, you have to pivot with life.

And, you know, I just started to reflect on what I really wanted to do and how the business journey of Strong is Beautiful really took place was I kept looking back and talking about like, you know, what made me really happy? Like at what point in my life was I really enjoyed doing things. during grad school, I was teaching martial arts. So there was a martial arts studio where I was going to school and I loved teaching kids. So I'm like.

Grace Perry (03:01.514)
maybe I was supposed to like stay doing martial arts. I had the opportunity to stay with that Dojo, run their school, but the FBI came about. I was like, yeah, I'm going to the FBI. FBI, I'm like, FBI! I immediately think of like every police or FBI like show I've ever watched. I'm like, you know, instant, what am I thinking of? Like CSI, Miami. All of like the big block letters all the time.

But sorry, keep going. But yeah, so you were like, okay, the FBI. And so now you have come back full circle. You're like, you know, this is something I wanted to do. Yeah. So I was like, you know what? and I'm in the why not? Like, what's the worst that could happen? Like I lived through what I thought was quote unquote, the worst thing that could happen to me of like losing my career, having to start over. I survived that and was like thriving. Like now looking back, I was like, that was the best thing that happened to me. So I was like, what's the worst that could happen? Let's go teach at a dojo and see if

That was like my life path. I did six months at the Dojo. Full transparency teaching at 38 is a lot different than teaching at 22. It was just its own lifestyle that I was not, it was not me. I am a business desk strategy type person. So long term career. was like, hmm.

I made the right choice. But during that, I was doing women's self-defense. was running the kids. I was the head instructor. So I was running all classes, really enjoyed the children's, really enjoyed the adult program, would do women's self-defense courses on the weekends for them representing the school. And the conversations I was having with the women were, I never would have took this, but you teach my kid. I'm comfortable with you.

Being a female in the martial arts world is also a rarity. like the FBI, it's a very male-dominated world. So there's a different perspective that a woman brings to the mat and how we teach and how we relate to women. So as these conversations unfolded of not wanting to learn or take a class because they were uncomfortable with the environment of going to a police station, going to a dojo, having a male instructor.

Grace Perry (05:17.388)
So I was like, bring your lady friends here. We will do this. So when I left the dojo, that was still something that was on my mind. This is something that's needed. And ways of the world right now, attacks on women are not decreasing. If anything, they're increasing more in a more violent way. And this level of fear, I just...

It makes me uncomfortable that women feel that way. And yes, it's scary and a lot of times it's an unknown. So I started having this thought of, why don't we talk about it? Why don't we shed light on it? Why don't we educate? Have this conversation. It's not like I had a conversation with my mom on it. Like how to protect yourself, how to defend yourself. Now granted, my dad was in the military, so I learned situational awareness at a very young age.

But I took that for granted. I took those types of knowledge points, just the situational awareness that you learn from being in the Bureau, from hearing about cases, hearing about what transpired that led to X, and how to mitigate all of that, plus how to keep yourself safe, because, fair fact, people don't like law enforcement. So you do become an unintended target as law enforcement without you even knowing it.

Like those big block letters of FBI is not, yeah. Sometimes intimidating, but also like, she's FBI, like, it's not like I would wear my bureau stuff out in public. are like, I would wear that all the time. I'm like, absolutely not. Like, pick and, you wear it when you're on duty, but like, it's not like I would plaster FBI, like I'm FBI out in public because that makes you a target.

So anyway, so with all of this, I just kept like thinking on it, sitting on it, and I'm like, how do I get this out into the world? And my course came about. So I really just sat down and wrote out what would I want women to know? How do we approach this? And really changing that narrative of that you have to be a fighter. I mean, it is called strong is beautiful because I want women to remember that you can be feminine. It is not this like,

Grace Perry (07:35.978)
I need to be masculine, fighter, like, yes, I do martial arts, but I am not, I would not say I'm a martial artist per se. Like you don't have to be a martial artist to protect yourself. You do not have to be a boxer to protect yourself. I really like humans. So you can be kind. Like it is this duality of I can be kind and I also could protect myself. I can have compassion.

and I know how to groan strike you if you get too close. It is that kind of level of conversation and a lot of it is less physical and more mental. Yes. Of really reflecting on, you know, why do we stay quiet? Like it is no shame, but thinking back of just how and I use generalizations for this for women's experiences. Everyone has their own.

But a lot of situations, and especially looking back at the previous generations of how they were taught and then how they teach their daughters and how that life cycle goes, it's a very, don't make a scene. Be a good girl. Yeah. You might be uncomfortable, but smile through it. And yes, and I bless the future generations and the women raising.

girls now who are teaching them to have boundaries at a young age so that they're not in therapy at 35 like unlearning all of this. But it's all yes it's the unlearning it's the learning like I love the like I'm a previous people pleaser like recovering people pleaser I love that because it's it is like that's what we're taught at a very young age or a lot of us generalizations but you know what mean even

what type of toys were given as young girls, right? Like the Barbie doll and the Ken and the princess crowns and having a man come and save you. like, we're not taught how to fight unless you have an amazing father or someone who's there to teach you or mom, you know? But I think for me, especially what was so fascinating, even taking your course, like understanding

Grace Perry (09:56.244)
I am not an aggressive person. Like I'm aggressive. Maybe if I have too many glasses of tequila, but like definitely. But I am not like the basic fundamentals. Like I'm sure I've always felt and maybe you can relate to this too. If you're listening, like I can, I can try my best. Like I'll, I'll do whatever it takes to survive. But I was not taught the tools to protect myself.

Okay. And so I think when you simplify it down to just like, this is not necessarily a requirement, but it's something that you should, every woman should start thinking about because as a non-aggressive person, and I've been very lucky and I've had situations in my life, like I've told you before, that just kind of happened to me and I had to react. But I'm very lucky that I haven't had to

protect myself from a survival place, right? Like I've no one has tried to kill me yet, but you know, so, you know what? And there's so much to your course, but like, what are some fundamental ways like even just that you've noticed in your own life, in the FBI, in these situations that like for someone listening that they should start considering.

about their safety and hopefully those listening this isn't trigger warning for those because it can, these conversations do tend to be somewhat triggering, but I think it's really not top of mind until something happens. So a lot of women do not go to a martial arts facility for that reason of that, maybe that uncomfortable teacher, whatever it might be. So what are some things that are like top of mind that you're like, I wish every woman knew this, you know?

Um, so one, I'm going to backstep just one bit. I think part of the issue, and you know, I hate to relate it to mass shootings, but what we would always say in the Bureau is, you know, certain cities or towns would be like, it would never happen to us. And it was one of those, like, it has become such a constant that it's not an if, but when. And- Oh my God.

Grace Perry (12:18.072)
chills all over my body. that. I mean, it's a terrible topic to discuss and but it's our reality. It is our reality. And you know, before it was, you know, large group settings, then it became, you know, the theater that became schools and grocery store like that. You really can't underestimate like where it would be similar thought that it is scary to think that it's not an

if but when. Not all towns are immune. Like does not matter your race, does not matter your age. Like there is this level of for women it's sometimes not an if but when and there are elements to mitigate that one. So to answer your question directly what I would say for women that I want them all to know is

Be aware of your surroundings. Being aware starts to give you the data points, the signals that something might not be right. And through my course, one of the things that I do talk about is strengthening your intuition or what I call like your safety signals. And I think we've all done it. If something doesn't feel right and you start explaining it away, like you start to like negotiate with yourself of.

Don't be crazy, like don't be like dramatic. he probably doesn't mean it like that. If something feels off, it's off. You don't have to have a logical reasoning for it. Just recognize it and take yourself out of the situation. So a lot of it is I never wanted to get to that physical. Like don't want to have to fight for survival. I have never been put in a situation of where I have to fight for survival. But if I would,

I hope that all of my training, all of those instincts kick in and I am able to walk away or at least be breathing at the end of it. So going back to what I want women to know is being aware of the situation of, you know, honoring yourself that if you feel that something's off to remove yourself or go down a different aisle or, you know, just say thanks but no thanks. You're not being rude. And I think that's another thing that we have to unlearn is that people pleasing of

Grace Perry (14:37.266)
I don't want them to think I'm rude. I'd rather be safe than sorry. Like, I'd rather not have to look back and be like, I should have listened to myself or something along those lines. So it's not rude. The older I get, the more it has become apparent that I own no one anything. yes, reach, reach. whether it's a stranger, whether it is someone who is close to me, I could respectfully say that it like.

holding those boundaries that you have yourself and really knowing what that line is and honoring it continuously. The other thing I would say is keeping distance. And it sounds counterintuitive because we want to be this loving society. are, you know, most women have this nurturing nature to them. And in, when I talk about it in the course, if you are not in

touching distance to me. If there is arm length, you can't grab me, you can't hit me. Like I'm keeping my distance and that is keeping safety for me. So part of it again is that situational awareness and knowing that distance is your friend. And I even talk about that with road rage. Like being in a vehicle, knowing what's going on around you, keeping distance from the car in front of you, someone behind you, all of these things keeps you safe.

on the road when you're enclosed by metal. Like it is like it is that distance keeps you safe. Right. And then, you know, these are kind of like building elements. And then from there is, you know, having a go to move that you feel confident in, that you have practice. And that is where in the course I do the kind of like the most effective moves. Yes. So I talk about it as a toolkit, you know.

I'd like for you to have a hammer and a screwdriver. That's all you need. You're gonna do the very basics. You could fix a few things here and there. Does not need to be elaborate. My toolkit, much deeper. I have a lot more options to go to, but that has taken years of training. That is not the expectation I have for all women. I want you to have your hammer, know how to use that hammer, and you're good. And the other thing in our in-person, I kind of talked about it, of training is great. You're gonna have like,

Grace Perry (16:58.462)
You're like, this is my move, this is what I do. And then you're in a situation. This is my move and now the adrenaline is hitting, my mind is blank, I am panicking. Everything goes out the window. Be scrappy. Do whatever you know that you can, that you could think of, whatever your body is moving, but aim for the targets that are gonna hurt them. Their eyes, their groin. Joints go the opposite direction, it's gonna hurt really bad. So I talk about like taking out kneecaps, like elbows, like just the body mechanics.

of someone is you're wanting to, again, it's not a boxing match. You're not going round for round waiting for the bell to ring. Or trying to punch like immediately. you know, you see in the movies it's like, pew pew. Yeah, like you're not like, you might have to do multiple moves, but it's not this like you're standing up trading punches back and forth. It is you are striking them to get by you enough time to get out of their, you know, arm's length to call for help, to get help, to get yourself out of the room.

And you know, like sitting here in the podcast room, someone came through that door. Our only option is to get back through that door. Right. So it is being strategic on how you move. Like I would have to render them like hurt or, you know, knock the one out of them.

just long enough for me to get out of that door and into the hallway. And then from there, I have more options. I am not stuck in this room that is very close quarters and does not give much options for you to get to safety. So that is what we're talking about. It is not this like going round for round and waiting for the bell to ding or whatever it might be that you think because you've seen it on TV. It is just that something that gives you a moment of freedom.

to remove yourself from the situation. Yes. I love how you talk about situational awareness. And I've shared this story with you too about when I was in London with the two of my best friends and we were at a bar and it was so, so crazy to me because I had just subconsciously been looking around like, you know, when you're in the heat of the moment and you're having fun, especially when you're drinking alcohol, you're not necessarily thinking.

Grace Perry (19:13.968)
always about all your exits or you know like so it's so important even in these moments of freedom and fun to really notice your surroundings and I just so happened to catch the eye of this man who I quickly realized I had seen multiple times throughout the night in different locations. So we were bar hopping in London and on vacation having the time of our life and this man followed us to multiple bars.

It wasn't until I was like, I noticed him, was like, okay, guys, I think we need to leave, because I think something's off with this guy, and I trusted my intuition. Luckily, my friends listened, and we went into a cafe quickly, and I noticed him come into the cafe. So was like, okay, this man is definitely following us. So we then proceeded down in the streets, in public, like plain view, and it was then I realized, like, this man could follow us all the way home.

There's nothing stopping him until we recognize him. And so I felt confident enough in that public space to literally call him out. I turned to him, I'll never forget it. And I was like, hi! I was like, stop fucking following us. And he turned and it was like a deer in headlights. He was, and I don't recommend this. Like, I'm not sitting here and be like, cause of scene and you know, but sometimes.

Like, especially if you feel safe and you're in public in that scenario, I'm so glad I did that. Yes. And I'm so glad I intuitively listened to my gut because if that man had followed us home and like saw our Airbnb and we're three girls, like, I mean, my friend Sophia has a great punch, like, I did that from like wrestling as kids, but like, I, you know what I'm saying? Like, who knows what And you don't know the area and then...

all of these like what if things could have unfolded but the few things that you mentioned in that that I really want to touch on is you felt confident to address him and I say this you know in the course as well and I say this to women all the time is men and I and I say men because that is usually who like statistically that is who the attacker usually will be yeah men like easy targets

Grace Perry (21:31.22)
So that is where you say you don't like to be aggressive, but being assertive is not aggressive. having an kind of, I don't know, vibe about yourself. Magnetic energy, but also confident. Like I have what I call a force field. Again, military dad, older brother, law enforcement lifestyle.

there is just this natural vibe that I carry whether I realize it or not. And for the longest time, I did not know that that was a thing. But like looking back, I feel it was the nonverbal communication to the world around me of, yeah, I'm not gonna mess with that. Like given the option, like, and I've said it like jokingly, I never wish harm upon myself. But there are some days when you go out for a run and you have a level of stress.

They were like, if someone just tried to kidnap me right now, like the amount of rage I could get out on someone and it'd be like fine, because it's self defense. Go for it. And my one girlfriend was like, I like seeing you run in the neighborhood. Like, I'm not, you're not who I'm going to try to attack. And I'm like, what? She was like, even just seeing you run, Allison, like that's, I'm gonna get the girl who like is not paying attention, who doesn't look like she could kick my ass.

or even outrun me. And that's like another level of it is, you know, having the, like, as you said, that confidence to address him. Mine's also having the confidence of just how you carry yourself, of making the eye contact, of having your head up, taking in the sights around you. A lot of it is not being distracted. So you said like you caught his eye.

Your head wasn't in a phone. Like you were surveying, you know, what was around you and our bodies and mind are so incredible. Like I think of it as a supercomputer and there are so many things that happen unconsciously that you don't even know. Like for what actually gets bubbled up to the conscious level is so minute and compared to everything else that is going on. That means that most likely at the unconscious level, he had...

Grace Perry (23:45.414)
You had seen his face multiple times. Your body had taken it in. Your brain had like logged that somewhere. And at one point it was pushing it up enough for it to be conscious to you. If you are not paying attention to yourself, you don't get those signals. You don't pay attention. If your head was in the phone, like if you were so, you know, ingrained in conversation, I mean, and it happens and it's beautiful when you're that present.

But when you start getting this tunnel vision, you're missing all of the cues that are coming in to the supercomputer to then give you that information. Your body wants to survive. Like we have lived like evolution. Like it has to adapt. It wants to live. So therefore it is going to tell you the things that you need to do in order to continue to live. And the other thing that I want to touch on is you had said like, don't recommend turning and confronting someone.

I would challenge that in a way. well, this is exactly why I named you on this podcast. No, like that's true. To me, that is great. The other thing is, you know, a lot of times I've heard, well, if I say something, he'll get defensive and attack me. If you say something and he gets defensive and attacks you, he was going to attack you anyways. Someone with good intention will not take your

you know, putting up a boundary or saying something to them and be like, well, now I'm going to harm you. Like before I was just minding my own business, but now I want to harm you. No, like if someone had pure intentions, they'd be like, my God, I'm sorry, Miss Lake. And they will back down and they would probably like walk away like that woman's crazy. I'm not going to mess with that. again, like they want the easy target. Like I'm not going to mess with that. So this notion that if I say something that will escalate it. No.

it would have escalated one way or another and you know, or a lot of times like that gaslighting, maybe like, had you not, like, no bro, like you, you were gonna hurt me. Like I just one-upped you on that one and now I'm telling you to stand back. Totally. And I think it's, so important to listen to those messages that you were saying. Like it was so, you said, thank you. That was so beautiful in the way that like giving permission.

Grace Perry (26:04.114)
to stand up for yourself. And I think in that scenario, because it was in a public space, because I had the two closest people to me, was like this different wave of confidence. so often, women are alone dealing with this. But I love all of those things. I think it's so important. And even hearing you, like, we've heard this before. But it's so crazy how we go through life. It's not like we're taking physical education anymore, PE and gym.

become entrepreneurs, become corporate American, it's like, we're not thinking constantly about our safety and we shouldn't always do that. I'm just saying, it is important to build a toolkit and to come back to these things, in many ways, growing that hammer, that screwdriver, and so you feel confident enough if and when you have to use them.

In your course, you talk a lot about mindset and boundaries. I admire that in you so much. I think it's something that we are not taught to set. And I hear it all the time with my friends and my family, even with myself, struggling to create boundaries in modern America where literally your entire world is at your fingertips, right within your cell phone. how do you approach, and it really fits into the topic of this podcast because in so many

areas of life we have to set boundaries, not only protect ourselves but protect our mental health. And so how do you do that? I want to let you know that I probably didn't have any boundaries for like most of my life. I will say like there is a very pivotal point in my life of like what I call like 2019 to present day and from 2019 to you know 2024

there have been varying iterations of growth that have happened for me. And I think in 2019, I started working with a therapist and processing a lot of things. And that was in order to grow, in order to build a life that you truly wanna live. Like, again, so many things have been unlearned in the last five years.

Grace Perry (28:23.564)
And one of them was how to set boundaries and why boundaries are important. And it was probably one of the biggest things that I struggled with because again, like guilt of all of the things of, you know, not being a good wife. I don't have children and you know, my family lives, you know, on the other side of the country. So, you know, the Italian daughter who moved away, like all of these things that come up and then how

you allow people to treat you is really a reflection of how you are willing to treat yourself. And I was not in a good place, therefore I was not treating myself well. So then I could see that reflected back at me in relationships with other people. It took, again,

a lot of mental work of setting boundaries. And oddly enough, I had a personal goal of doing a fitness competition since I was in college, because I thought it was super fascinating. again, all of the things of women being muscular is, you know, too masculine. I don't know how it like, when I would talk about this in college, you know, I would have women tell me like, you don't want to too, like, you don't want to look like a man. And like, all of this kind of stuff. And anyways,

I never competed. you know, rebuilding my life and what I wanted to look like, I was like, I am going to compete. Like that was a goal that I had set. With kind of everything that you've beautifully talked about, how do you go about creating your boundaries? So, I didn't have boundaries in place for most of my life. All of the things, working with a therapist, know, really processing some of that stuff and understanding.

how much control you have of the life that you lead and the life that you build and the work that that requires is definitely boundary setting. But I found out it was still really hard to do it. And I am much better at physical things than like the emotional, mental feeling parts. Or at least I would say I identified like that five years of work on the mental stuff. I feel like they're starting to get closer together. But...

Grace Perry (30:43.012)
I could do things at a physical level. So I had a goal of wanting to compete in a fitness competition since college and tried a few times, never followed all the way through, would make excuses of career, life, too hard, like all of this. And I realized that was mostly a mental cop-out for myself and a lot of the conditions needed to be improved upon. So while I was doing the mental work, I decided again,

I'm going to try for this competition. And that is where I realized how important it is for boundary setting. Because at this point, I had a goal that meant a lot to me. And to some, might seem superficial or excessive and all that. Fine. To me, it was a very important goal to reach. So for the fitness, for the bodybuilding competition, right? Okay.

which is so valid. going. So, and that is like, I don't say like this is like the pathway to go down if you're wanting to learn how to do boundaries. Like it is a very extreme training. But it's so badass. And experience. it was something that I had wanted for like so long. And I really think that, you know, one of the iterations of myself from like 2019 to present would be in 2021 when I started training. And I think that catapulted a lot of my growth.

both mental and obviously physical, but having something, having a goal and knowing what it takes and with a fitness competition, literally every decision that you make throughout your day can impact that goal from, I was eating five to six meals a day. So every time I chose what I was going to eat was either taking me closer or further away from that goal. Whether I woke up and trained, was either taking me closer.

or further away from that goal. If I decided to be a workaholic and work 12 hours and not go to bed, my recovery and sleep was going to suffer. So all of these things. And I learned a very good lesson because it was work related and my goal. So being that people pleaser, you know, I had a set schedule, I had my routine, all of this. was asked to change and do a meeting.

Grace Perry (33:08.312)
you know, on a day that I normally wouldn't have worked. And I was like, sure. Like, yes. And I moved around my training schedule, like all of this stuff. And they ended up canceling on me. And I was livid. And then I like sat there and I was like, why am I so mad? And one of it was because I did all of these things. Like I had to adjust all of the stuff.

in my life to accommodate this person who then was like, it doesn't really matter. Like, I'm just going to cancel and we could reschedule. And I'm like, I don't think you understand. So I had to be very clear on my words, my expectations. And I had to sit down because like I would have to work with this person. Like my training was a year. Like it took me a year to step on stage. So it wasn't like, like this is going to pass in the next like four weeks. Like, no, like I'm going to have to work with this person again.

And I wrote out, it a very lengthy email, kind of explaining like, hi, I understand and I am here to support you. Like I was consulting at the time and I need you to understand what my life looks like. And yes, this is my own private time, but all of these things are impacted by one choice.

And it was- you you wrote this in the email? Yeah. And I was like, welcome to therapy with Alison. But I realized I was like, I failed at my point of holding that boundary of just saying, I'm sorry, no. could- And no one, and what people don't realize is no one is going to do that for you until you do it for yourself. Correct. Like when I realized that it was, that was the only time my life truly changed.

And I was able to be more successful at setting those boundaries. And I still struggle with it all the time. Because you want to, especially as an entrepreneur, you want to make those meetings. You want to be present and make it happen. And oftentimes there's a monetary exchange in order to make it happen. But I think that's awesome that you communicated your boundaries. that's what I learned is most of it is...

Grace Perry (35:25.102)
communicating. Like, I could have all the boundaries in the world, but if I don't communicate or then hold people to them, and I will tell you, the boundaries are the hardest with the people closest to you. so it becomes like this balancing act. Like when I say like, with the self-defense side of it, when I say like practice in your safe zones, it's with people you know. On the reverse side.

If you're able to hold boundaries with your mother, you can hold boundaries with a stranger who's like looking at you weird. Yes! Yes! Like that is one of the reverse things of doing it in your safe zone. Like the stronger you get with holding boundaries with people you care about and love the most, it is so easy to hold a boundary with someone that you wouldn't know if they crossed you twice on the street. But holding boundaries with the people closest to you.

is very hard and you have to have enough self-love for yourself and what you really want and like really like look back and be like what do I want? And I think that is again all of this unlearning. Totally. Like I feel like you go to school to learn and then life after school is unlearning not the material that you've learned in the content but it's all of like the life stuff that has been

handed to you in one of the best comments from therapist Joe, because if you know me in personal life, you know that therapist Joe is like quotable at all times. But one of the things that he had talked about is like, you have to know yourself and you have to undercut the things that pop into your head. Like I have been told, I don't know how many times, like you're a lot.

And I'm like, I would take it personally. mean, anyone says that, you're gonna take it personal. Like, I'm too much X, I'm too much Y. All of these things. You're extra. Yeah, like. I am extra fabulous. Like, thank you. But then, so old self would look at it be like, how do I, why do they think I'm like that? Or how do I tone it down?

Grace Perry (37:43.586)
And now how I look at it, if a comment is made in that manner, it's by whose standard? By whose standard am I too, you know, a lot of it is too intimidating or too opinionated, usually the favorite one that I get. But by whose standard? By your standard? Like, what scale did you base that on? Like, and if you start thinking of it like that way of, or, you know, I was told like,

you're too muscular, but then you're also too big, but now you're too small. Like, by whose standard? And when you start realizing that you can't pinpoint whose standard they're being measured off, doesn't matter. That measuring stick does not matter. The one that matters is yours. So by able to reflect back and be like, how do I want to be measured? And then go off of that, then you're able to kind of move through these, set those boundaries. I mean, the words still sting.

but they don't absorb it. I love that. Like it's so, so good. It's like, it is so, so hard to set those boundaries. I think the most crazy part of it is after you set them and the response, like the, is like a, I want to call it like a hangover, like a boundary hangover of like years of people, like interactions and relationships that change once you set that boundary.

but you're the only person who can set it. it's like, is, you really have to stick to your guns when you set those boundaries. Even if it's just like a basic, like, I'm only gonna work nine to five, right? Like after five o'clock, I'm clocking out, I won't respond to you for 20, know, 12 hours, whatever it is. have to, you are the only person who can hold you accountable in that way. If it comes down to even just like your relationships, like with friends, like you have to communicate how you expect to be treated.

If you don't do that, how are they supposed to know how to treat you? Or how are they supposed to know how to love you? You know, and I think the unlearning, like I feel that. And it's so important to recognize that even as adults, we are gonna be learning how to do these things for the rest of our lives. my gosh, like. Like I struggle, it's a struggle. Like I feel like I like.

Grace Perry (39:59.546)
I just turned 39. So I feel like I just kind of got into this groove of like knowing myself like I'm like late bloomer. But then I felt really, you know, thank God. are just on time. of all, I want to thank God for Instagram and quotes that just pop up on my face because there was one that it was like, you don't start living until 40. Everything else was just dress rehearsal. Like you were practicing, you're feeling and I'm like, that is so true because as I approach like 40,

I'm like, I am just feeling comfortable with myself. And now that I know like all of this, how to really love myself and being able to love yourself means that you could love others so much better of how beautiful life is going to be the next 40 years. And we talked about this before we started recording. I have longevity in my family. like being 100 is like the goal. My grandma lived to 101.

So what's her name? Rose. if you go to Strong is Beautiful, my logo is an elephant and a rose. So the rose component is in honor of my grandmother. She was the matriarch of our family. And it's so funny to, again, perspective that my grandma was such a beautiful woman.

but I knew her as the matriarch, whereas my grandfather was like this very strong presence, but he had a stroke when I was a baby that I didn't know that version of him. So I saw my grandmother as the one who led our family, who cared for him and all of this. So when I talk about her strength and this like matriarch, it's very funny because my mom and my aunts will sometimes give me this look of like, I forget completely about the patriarch.

of my grandfather, but for me that wasn't the experience I had because that strong personality wasn't the grandfather that I knew. I knew the grandmother version and which I think is beautiful in itself of how people have very different experiences within like the same room. so anyways, so Rose is my grandmother who, you know, lived to 101. So that makes me know that I have like another.

Grace Perry (42:21.434)
67 years of continuing to learn and grow and be better. And I think that's one of the things that I'm definitely unlearning is this thought that being middle-aged is like everything's downhill. Everything's like really uphill right now. Yes. Like uphill in... Like it's many ways you're just getting started. Yeah. Like not uphill as in a struggle, but uphill as in like that launching pad to soar. So like

There are no, the younger you learn it like bless like you got more good times ahead of you But like that's some of the things of learning the boundaries loving yourself Not giving a shit what people think about you is like probably the most beautiful part So funny story guys our my camera just died. So we're re-looping back Allison so I wanted to so we've talked a lot about boundary setting we've talked about self-love. We've talked about your journey

How in the face of challenge, how do you give yourself grace? And what advice do you have for those listening as they approach their own challenges, as they handle corporate America or maybe entrepreneurship themselves? Giving yourself grace really comes down to showing yourself that self-love. you know, having an understanding of what you value and what you prioritize.

and honoring that. So for me, you know, a lot of it, again, unlearning, unlearning the things. But knowing that whatever I go after, if in the moment, like that is what I hold priority to and what I have value against, I'm going to do it. And I'm like, whether it quote unquote succeed or fails, because at this point in time, I think that everything is, you know,

success. You're learning one way or another and to me that is only making you grow better. So for me like with that showing myself grace is understanding that there is really no failure at this point. From the outside looking in like I will tell you like and I say it all the time you know that startup world that I entered into on paper would be a failure. Like if you looked at it like

Grace Perry (44:48.534)
you know, went from the FBI to startup that, you know, got closed down a year later, financial debt, all of that looks like a failure. And I will look back and say, like, and I grew so much, I learned so much from a business perspective. Like again, I knew, like I was in government, like we get a budget, you spend it to zero, you know that's gonna get refilled. It doesn't matter. Like there was no like profit margin and insuring like,

you had money for all of this. So I learned so much about business and the main thing that I learned is I will always invest in myself and I will always bet on myself. for me, so when it comes down to it, like given the opportunity of take the risk of doing strong is beautiful. Like I will use my platform as an example. Take the risk of building strong is beautiful. It might fail.

it might not, you know, become anything or never doing it because it might fail. I will rather go all in, create the course, do the thing that I, you know, I think it needs to be out in the world. I think women need access to something like this. I think my perspective for it is beneficial that I will create it and launch it and.

If it quote unquote fails, my grace to myself is that it did not fail. I would have failed had I not created it out of fear of failure. So coming full circle on that is let it go. Like let this like worry of the outcome go. It is just the journey that you build and that you experience is what you make of it and how you again, back to mindset and perspective.

So for the ladies in corporate career or starting off, make it your journey. Like make it, make it what you want of it. If you are unhappy in your corporate career, reflect back. What makes you happy? What can you go after? What can you do? And I will tell you, you will never feel like a failure when you invest and go all in on yourself. And that could be, you know, literally anything that you want to do.

Grace Perry (47:12.998)
I've chills. That was so good. I love that. Love that so much. so Allison, you have a lot of amazing things, but how can we best support you in this season? So right now it's really just getting the word out about Strong is Beautiful. I have a digital course, so you can go to the website. So it's strong-is-beautiful.com

So it is a four module course. It gives you, you know, all the things that we talked about from mindset to the physical elements to kind of like those daily habits, which really comes down to lifestyle. You could do that, share it with your lady friends, like everyone. The other thing is, you know, I do corporate groups, so I do in-person training.

So if you have a group like love to teach in person, that is the thing that fills me up actually. Like when I had to sit down and reflect of all of the things I love to teach. So given the opportunity to teach women in person, it is just this environment of, you know, seeing women like start off a little shy of I don't want to hit something and all this. And then like by the end, like two hours later, I hear them like, yeah.

I got this, you were there, you saw that. So if you have a group, so organizations happy to come teach, you then get access to the course as well. Because one of the things I realized is teaching in person, there is so much of the conversation piece that you have with women and

scenarios that are brought up that I would rather talk through and then give you kind of that lecture style information that is, you I spent a lot of time on that course. So I'd rather have you then go at your own pace, digest it, be able to replay it, have access to it. So if you attend one of my in-persons, you get access to the course as well. So yeah.

Grace Perry (49:20.95)
I love it so much. We'll put all that in the show notes for you guys too. Well, thank you so much for being on the show. You're amazing. Seriously, Elsa, I'm so grateful for you.

I know Strong is Beautiful is an incredible course and I'm just so grateful to have been a part of it. So thank you. Thank you. And I hope you guys had some good takeaways and we'll see you on the next episode. Thank you so much for listening. Your support means everything to me. If you found this episode inspiring, please share it on your social media and tag me. I'd love to thank you personally. And as always, sending you love and rooting for you. See you in the next episode.