Co-Parenting: Empowering Kids to Have a Say in Time Splitting

Parenting Tips: Empowering Kids in Time Sharing Decisions

In this episode of Rollin' with the Dolans, Patrick and Tamekia Dolan dive into the dynamics of blended families and co-parenting. They share personal stories and offer thoughtful perspectives on when children from previous relationships should have a voice in deciding how they split their time between homes. The discussion explores their own experiences growing up in divorced families, practical tips for co-parenting, and a fun trip down memory lane as they reminisce about their first cars. Join them for heartfelt advice, relatable stories, and insights on empowering kids in time-sharing decisions.

Timestamps:

00:00 - Welcome to Rollin' with the Dolans
00:23 - Today's Topic: Parenting in Blended Families
00:53 - Personal Experiences with Time Sharing
02:35 - The Role of Driving in Time Sharing
05:36 - Final Thoughts on Time Sharing
07:51 - Wrapping Up and Closing Remarks

#coparenting #rollinwiththedolans #blendingfamilies #blendedfamilies #happilymarried #marriage

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Transcript

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Welcome to Rolling with the Dolans. I'm Patrick Dolan and I'm Tameka Dolan. Our podcast focuses on the joys and challenges of blended families, our interracial marriage, parenting children of multiple ages, and the journey of entrepreneurship. We share our daily life experiences with a positive but real perspective. Okay, and today's topic is focused on parenting. And specifically what we want to get into is, given that we have, uh, kids from multiple parents, when is a good time for them to have more, uh, decision making authority on splitting their time? Yes, time sharing, right? Is that a word? Yep. Okay. Yeah. All right. You want to start or you want me to start? I'd love to hear what you have to think about this topic. So Fortunately, in my situation, I have my kids 100 percent of the time. I have my bonus kids 50 percent of the time. Um, honestly, I would be okay if I had my bonus kids 100 percent of the time. Um, just because at this point it's Damn. My kids too, and it's just easy. And actually, I think it's easier when, um, they're all together, don't you? Uh, yeah, for different reasons. One, they seem to keep each other occupied. Sure, there's, 20 percent of the time that they're going to be at each other's throats and stuff like that, which is the same, no matter what. Yeah. Actually, it's probably higher if you look at when they're not here. Yeah. Um, yours are fighting with one another, arguing with one another, so it actually, I think, decreases overall. Um, given that we both unfortunately came from, divorced parents as well. What was your scenario? Oh, that's a good question. I wasn't expecting that. I thought we were just going to talk about our kids. But, um, I remember 50 50 probably a little bit more with my mom. And more of the weekends with my dad, so maybe not 50 50. Um, but I remember feeling obligated to want to be with both parents. Okay. Yeah, that's, the reason why I ask is because, it was, I ended up, um, mostly with my mom, it was like every other weekend, I remembered. Um. With your dad every other weekend? Yeah. And then what happened is once I turned 16 and he was able to give me a car, uh, at least use a car, then next thing you know it was a lot more fluid. I still wouldn't stay over there overnight as much, but I would see him a lot more often once I was, driving. So it was just hey, come on over for dinner, this night, whatever night. And it was just much more fluid as far as, Things, happened in her. Oh, basically, so when you got a car, um, you just felt more free to just come and go as you please, right? Yeah and, in reality, I think he, um, wanted me to use his, one of his cars to give him the ability to, to see me more often. I'm trying to remember when I got my car, what my situation was. What was your first car? I was literally about to ask you. Mine was a Chevette. What was yours? Do you even know what that is? Yeah, of course I know what a Chevette is. What was yours? So I didn't really have a car until a little bit later I was able to use a truck. In a car. What kind of truck? Is it like a Ford? It's a big old Chevy diesel stick shift truck. What color? Red. Oh, you had a hot red truck. And it was hot. I'd be blowing smoke in that thing anyway and everything. What is the definition of blowing smoke in a manual truck? So a manual truck and diesel, what happens if you keep it in a low gear? It pushes out the diesel. It actually cleans like the diesel the tailpipe and pushes out the actual smoke. So if you ever see black smoke coming out of a truck, it's the diesel fuel basically is burning the smoke out like the tailpipe. Oh, okay. So you, so if you keep in a low gear, you'll be like, really loud and then you'll see the smoke. You gotta do that face, that, that. So yeah, and then my first one was a, uh, once I got ready to go to college, I ended up with a Ford Thunderbird, light blue. It was pretty hideous and it was not nice. It was no. Ooh, that's for sure Okay, we're getting off track, okay, I had a ghost event, okay, we'll look it up later. All right, so um, I Say, oh, so we were talking about time sharing. I think that um I would say like around the time that they can start driving It's a good time for them to figure out like how much time they're with. Um With each parent, what do you think? Yeah, I agree. I think that in our situation, depending on where they need to be that given day, if they need to be, going to an activity, if they don't need to be going to an activity or something like that, it can influence where they want to be staying. You think so? I don't know. That way you have a car because you can still go and come to whatever activity you need to go to. So the bottom line is, you're saying that once they're of driving age, they should have more input as far as where they are. I do. And I think that both parents should be, not take it personal and have their feelings hurt and just let that child like, go and come. And, uh, because I feel like parents forget that it's a lot of stress on kids to have two homes. You agree? Yeah, I think that it's been going pretty well, though, for them. We'll probably find out when they're, 21, 24, 25. That's true. Maybe what they've really thought about it. That's true. But I think right now they seem to be very comfortable. I think the fact that they have their own room in both places, a significant amount of stuff in both places, it makes it easier. I think it's because they're also boys. Yeah. And, why'd you let that dog go outside? You knew he'd end up doing this. Just ignore him. He seems privileged. Okay, so in summary, I think it's pretty straightforward. Once they're of driving age, they should have a little bit more say and influence as far as where they go. Versus right now, it's okay, one week here, one week there. One week here, one week there. Um, do you think that they mentally have the capacity to make those decisions? I think that they can. I think that the biggest thing is, like you said before, hurt feelings. So once they start making those decisions, they know that one person might end up getting hurt versus the other. And that's something. For another time, we might talk about your kids as well, as far as, their interaction and hurting feelings of somebody. That's true. Alright, so bottom line, do we agree that once they are at driving age, or, then that's when they can try to make the decision on time sharing? I agree. Okay. Do you agree that your dog is annoying? I agree. Yes, yours is. And I agree that we shouldn't put him outside whenever we're trying to do this because he's going to instantly start barking again. Alright. Okay. This is the end of this. episode. Absolutely. Okay. Do you want to wrap it up? Until the next time, make sure you decide to save or subscribe, all these different things. Share. Yeah. Share would be good, too. And, definitely stay tuned, and you can also find us on social media, or chat below. Just, we'd love to hear what your thoughts are, interact and hear from you directly. Alright, until next time, have a miraculous day. Have an absolutely beautiful week. Have a, uh, uh, let me find a great word. Tremendously beautiful, sunshiny day. Have a peaceful and beautiful week. Okay, until next time, bye. Bye.