Soulmates & Stereotypes: Our Story of Unity in Diversity

In this episode of "Rollin with the Dolans," Patrick and Tameka dive into the experiences, challenges, and joys of being in an interracial marriage. They reflect on initial reactions, family and societal perceptions, and the subtle nuances of raising a blended, multicultural family. Throughout the discussion, they share insights into the importance of authenticity, resilience, and understanding in their relationship and offer advice to other interracial couples navigating family dynamics and external assumptions. 

Chapters

1. Introduction: Why Interracial Marriage Matters
   • Patrick and Tamekia introduce the episode’s focus on interracial marriage and their journey as a blended family, setting the stage for a candid conversation about perceptions, challenges, and personal growth.
2. Initial Reactions and Early Thoughts
   • They reflect on their first impressions of each other and how race wasn’t initially a focal point in their relationship. Patrick shares his initial attraction to Tamekia, while Tamekia talks about people's curiosity.
3. Navigating Public and Social Perceptions
   • A discussion on societal reactions, from strangers' looks to subtle assumptions. Both agree they rarely notice others' reactions, choosing instead to focus on their own "bubble."
4. Family Dynamics and Generational Views
   • The Dolans discuss how their children and families reacted, with emphasis on how younger kids were unfazed, while older kids noticed some cultural differences in parenting. They touch on Tamekia’s father’s humorous acknowledgment of Patrick as his son-in-law.
5. Addressing Bias and Assumptions
   • Specific experiences of subtle biases, such as assumptions made in public about family relations, are recounted, highlighting both humorous and thought-provoking moments.
6. Advice for Other Interracial Couples Raising Families
   • Patrick and Tamekia share advice for other interracial couples, emphasizing understanding, teaching by example, and not passing judgment on others. They stress the importance of love and acceptance as a foundation in overcoming external opinions.

#InterracialMarriage, #BlendedFamily, #CulturalDiversity, #FamilyJourney, #LoveWithoutLabels, #UnityInDiversity, #ParentingPerspectives, #RelationshipGoals, #LoveBeyondBorders, #RollinWithTheDolans

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Transcript

0:00

Welcome to Rollin with the Dolans. I'm Patrick Dolan. And I'm Tameka Dolan. Our podcast dives into the joys and challenges of blending families, our interracial marriage, parents and children of multiple ages in the journey of entrepreneurship. We share our daily life experiences with a positive but real perspective. So for today's topic, we're going to dive into our interracial relationship for the first time. Yes, because that was one of the reasons for starting this podcast, is to talk about interracial marriage. Marriage. Marriage. And so the first question I have for you is, Uh oh. You know, what were your thoughts when we first met? Was it something that came into mind, or, or what did you think? I mean, obviously, we both knew that there would be some differences in our culture, but, um, that was, I mean, maybe a little bit in parenting, but that was pretty much it. So I'll just, my thought was I didn't even think twice about it. I'm like, wow, she's beautiful. She's incredible. I'm like, good answer. It doesn't even matter. Good answer. That's all I thought about and, I was like, all the rest, I'll figure itself out. Okay, good answer. If I ever get somebody looking at me thinking, oh, okay, looking at me a little funny, I will probably always take it personal thinking, How on earth did he end up with her? Okay, whatever. Truth be told, that's exactly how I thought about it. I know because I, like people have asked me, do people stare at you guys or give you a mean look? And what is your answer to that? What's your response to that? Do they, you're saying? Mm hmm. I don't think so. I mean, I, like, that's one thing is I never really notice what people are doing around us. Like, if people are staring at me, I probably wouldn't even notice. Yeah, same with me. Yeah, people ask me, do, um, black men give me, like, a mean look? Or does white women give me a mean look? And honestly, we're just kind of in our own bubble that I don't even really pay attention. Yeah, that's one of those things. And I know that we've both likely been in situations where You know, we're, surrounded by people that there's going to be one or two of them who think negatively about a relationship, but, I don't think that we've ever felt it. Yeah, I agree, but I mean, if you think about it, it's probably like that in all different type of relationships, you know, heterosexual or not heterosexual, um, the opposite where there's a white female and a black male. So I feel like. you're always going to get some type of looks. It's just, if you focus on it, and I feel like we just never focus on it. You agree? Yep, definitely. And then, how do you think our families reacted to it? Like, kids first, and then other, family members. Uh, with the younger kids, I feel like they didn't even blink an eye, like it didn't matter to them. To the older kids, it was a little bit different, but not enough to, I mean, nothing serious, you know, like, um, our 20 year old, you know, obviously because he lives with us, he noticed a difference, you know, but not in a negative way. He just said, things are different the way he was brought up in a way he parents versus how you parent, you know, yep and then our 25 year old I don't think she really had anything Well, she happened to have been dating a white person at the time. At the time, you're right, you're right. How can you think much about it if that's the case? That's true. And then our 27 year old, he was also with, um, a white female at the time, too. But he also was concerned about the difference in parenting. Like, would you parent the same as me? Which is fair, right? Yep, definitely. And when it comes to parents, there's only, uh, you know, parents that are alive still are yours. From my perspective, I, I never felt anything other than, your dad, gives me a chuckle every now and then, because I think he, he enjoys some of the, the, some of the fact, you know, like, the funniest thing is, there is, uh, he has two son in laws, And they're both named patrick and one is black and one is white so he kind of gets a kick out of that Yeah, but I don't think he Uh, thinks anything other than just enjoying, some of the differences. I remember the last time he was there, he put you, I heard him put you on the phone and he was like, Hey, so and so, this is my son in law. Do you think he's a white Patrick or a black Patrick? Or is that how you word it? Yeah, basically. Or maybe he said it a nicer way. Which Patrick do you think this is? And I'm not about to try to act one way or another. So I'm going to talk the same. I'm going to be the same. So you, what you get is what you get. Yeah. I think, I think that's huge too. Is that, going back to you changing. I would not be attracted to a white man that felt like he needed to, quote, act black. because then you're not really being yourself, you know? And there were some other people, I think, some people who were surprised, but, you know, I don't, overall, like, I think, maybe one or two negative, things that we ran into, but the majority, like, there might be some, some surprise with friends, family, questions, things like that, but I don't think there was a, any, um, you know, there wasn't any, a lot of negative tone to discuss, so I think overall, there was, Wait, you have to tell them a really quick, like, 30 second story about your old boss. So, it's really pretty simple, and he's a good friend of mine. So, he saw me, and, uh, Wait, and you have to say what his nationality is. Korean? Yeah. So, I don't, uh, tell anybody in advance. They're going to meet Tamika if they didn't happen to see them on social media or something else first. They won't know. So this was, you know, pushing five years ago. Now,, I introduced, um, introduced him and he's what And he's like, Patrick, he's like, he's the whitest white man I've ever known And, I guess that still applies, but there's, he didn't say, oh wait, I can't imagine you actually would do that. It just took them by surprise. Right, right. So, well, no, our 20-year-old says that now you quote, have some sauce on you now. So. Well, that might be. We did post that one, Tameka effect video that if, if people haven't seen it, they can do it. And there's the before and after pictures. But I like to believe that's just because I'm so happy. Like it's not necessarily a reflection of, of anything when it comes to that. So here's another one that I want to cover that I think is, interesting is, Is it one of your stats? Because you love a good stat. No, I didn't bring any. Have you or your children experienced any assumptions or biases based on your family's diversity? You mean that my younger children? Yeah, any of them. Like have any kids. And if you don't have anything, I actually have a couple of things I want to speak to. Okay, you go ahead. a couple of things. that happened, over the last two weeks, I'd say, maybe a little bit more, is one going to pick up one of our kids, and the assumption was that I was one of the white kid's parents. So I was like, oh, nope, I'm here for that one. I'm not going to think negatively of the person. It was an assumption, but it's an easy assumption to make. but, again, in this day and age, it's not always the case. that was one, and then the second one was dealing with that, the same child. We were at Costco, and it, and I was standing right there. And, when they get the samples and stuff like that, the person was asking, the age and all that type of stuff. And, I'm like, uh, he's with me. I don't think she ever got it. Really? Oh, you didn't tell me that story. I'm his parent. Okay. Because she kept going on and on about, well, if it was okay. And then I'm like, wait, I don't think you understand. I'm his parent. Yeah. And then, then I think, I still don't even know if she got it in the end, but she's like, oh, okay. I don't think they're necessarily thinking, they're just keep feeding and, and just checking to make sure that nobody has food allergies. But still, that's a couple of things that happened just recently. But nothing major or terribly insulting, it's just assumptions. And, that's the way things are. I do, I do want to jump in on that part because whenever I'm with your boys, um, I remember one time thinking, I wonder if they feel awkward that they're with a, you know, with their black bonus mom, but honestly, I don't think that they do like, I don't feel like they act any different when we're all together or. I don't know. What do you think? I think, if anything, they like it. I, I think that they like the multicultural aspect of our family. And I think it's something they embrace and overall they, they enjoy. Well, at least I would want to think so, right? Yeah. I mean, they've never indicated anything otherwise to me, all right. So one more question. I'm going to give this question to you, and then we'll wrap it up. What advice do you have for other interracial couples who are raising kids, especially when navigating family or societal expectations? I think it, it's almost similar to what we had in a, a previous podcast where we were talking about teaching autistic kids, and you treat them the same. You have to understand that there are some differences, but treat everybody the same. And, and in, in our case, that's, you know, basic. Um, setting a good example, really trying to teach them by doing and how we act and how we do things. And I think that that's the best way to teach. But I do think that it's important to also in the back of your mind, understand. One of the biggest things for me that I have to understand it's now different. It's now different for people on the outside. Like, I do have to realize, the whole thing that you have to worry about, now I have to worry about. What happens if one of the kids get pulls over, pulled over by the police or something like that. It's different. And it's the same thing as, as you talk to your kids about some of the, the things that they have to do. Especially as a, black man and things like that and think differently. And those are things I never had to think about. Right. So when it comes to teaching the, the smaller kids, I hope, I still hope to have them learn by example. But I always have to keep something different in my mind that I never had to think about in the past. That's fair. And for me to wrap it up, I would say, um, because part of the question is what advice would you have to other, um, interracial couples? Um, what I have learned just from living life and talking to clients and friends is that You know, there's no specific stereotype, so you can't say, Oh, all black women spank their kids because that's not true. Or, you know, white men let their kids get away with everything. That's not true. Or, you know, um, You know, black men aren't emotional with their kids, but white men are. That's not true. So I just feel like we're all imperfect parents trying to figure this thing out. And the best thing that we can do is just try to come together and encourage one another and figure it out as we go. And don't pass judgment. That's the huge part. Don't pass judgment. And just one thing. Other thing in summary is like just just embrace it. I think. If two people one love one if two people love one another Then I think the rest will work out. But you know if people, have issues with it, then they're not your friends Anyway, that's not the right person and we had one situation where I think they it was questionable whether or not they were really, um Had issues with our relationship. I think they had issues with our relationship But whether or not it was because it was our difference in culture is, is one thing. But regardless, if people have issues with the relationship, then they're really not your friends to begin with. Yep. I agree. All right. Well, thanks for listening. look for us on Tik Tok, Instagram. What else? YouTube. And just look for rolling with the Dolans. I hope you have a Magnificent and happy day, I Hope you just have a week. That's just filled with love and joy. Oh That sounds better. Let me try to type that I hope that you just listen to your heart and be guided in the best way ever All right until next time all right so next time bye