Reason, Season, or Lifetime? Learning Who’s Really in Your Corner

 In this episode of Rollin' With the Dolans, we’re talking about the people in your life. How do you know who’s really supporting you, and when is it time to set boundaries? As you grow, not everyone grows with you. We’ve had to learn how to protect our peace, especially when it comes to friendships, family, and business circles.

We share our own experiences with letting go, surrounding ourselves with positive energy, and figuring out who’s meant to be there for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. If you’ve ever felt like your circle doesn’t quite fit anymore, you’re not alone.

Listen in as we talk about growth, boundaries, and finding the right people to walk with you.

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Transcript

Welcome to Rollin' with the Dolans. I'm Patrick Dolan.
 And I'm Tamekia Dolan.

Our podcast focuses on the joys and challenges of blending families, our interracial marriage, parenting children of multiple ages, and the journey of entrepreneurship. We share our daily life experiences with a positive but real perspective.

Today's topic is really focused on who you surround yourself with. As you grow, sometimes your circle doesn't grow with you.

Okay, let's get into it.

I really want you to reflect on some of the things, more recently, over the last few years. You've been doing a lot with your business. You do a lot with trying to be creative and entrepreneurial. I feel like you talk a lot of times about who you get energized by and who you're talking to. Tell me a little bit about how everything has evolved over time.

So what I have learned is that in relationships, you're with that person for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.

How do you feel about that?
 Oh, I like that.
 Yep.

So that can include your friends. Unfortunately, that could even include some of your family members too, where sometimes you need to take a break from them just to protect your peace.

What do you think?
 Yeah, I definitely think so. Like we introduced this with, there are certain people who you feel like add a lot more value. They try to motivate you, try to encourage you and things like that. And then there's those that seem like you're trying to push and pull throughout their journey that they're going on. And it seems like it's not always the right time or place for you to do everything you try to do.
 Yeah, but I'm learning to try to do better about not trying to do everything, and then setting boundaries, basically.
 Yes, definitely.

Also, going back to what you were saying—sometimes it's good to be around people that are pushing you more, and then sometimes it's good to be around people that are just coasting. But I don't think it's ever good to be around people that are dragging you down.

What do you think?
 Yeah, I think that sometimes it's inevitable. You don't want to abandon some people, especially if they're family members.
 Yeah.
 But set boundaries.
 Yeah.

And the same thing when it comes with friends. Sometimes the friends might be going through some stuff that you don't want to completely distance yourself, but...
 Yeah, it is tough. Like, you can't let their problems become your problems.
 Yeah, that's something I definitely need to work on.

Do you think you need to work on that?
 Not as much as you do.

So that's the thing. I think that what you said—the reason, season, or what was the third?
 Reason, season, or a lifetime.
 Yeah.

Where did you get that?
 Somebody told me that years ago.

And it really is true when you stop and think about some of your relationships. Like the reason would be to teach you something or show you something, right?
 And then the season is—you could be going through a rough patch and then you need that person there to support you. Or the season could be that you need to be celebrated, and you need a person that's a cheerleader to celebrate you.
 And then a lifetime—that speaks for itself.
 Yeah.

And then you were also—you started to scratch the surface on people who don't motivate you. People who are just getting by, coasting by, things like that.

And I think that one of the things that has always been a good match for the two of us is we like to push each other, right? And sometimes we do it in a friendly, teasing type way.

The bottom line is we know that if we just sit around and watch TV all the time—which is easy to do, right?—you start getting into a rut.

So you need a little bit of nudging here and there, which we're both capable of doing. And I think that goes with your friends as well.
 Yeah, I agree.

Like, you want friends that'll give you that nudge, not the friends that just help you make excuses for what you're doing. Whether or not you're sitting around—"Oh, that's okay, you deserve to be sitting around." You need some people to be like, "Get off of your rear and go do something."
 Exactly.
 Exactly.

So what's your experience as far as—how have you been handling things most recently?
 You mean as far as what type of people—what group of people—that I need to be around?
 Yeah.

You know, what are you doing? Over the last few years, what have you seen happening in your relationships?
 I feel like I always want to have people around me that hold me accountable for some of my entrepreneurship, things that I want to do. And then a bigger part is people that want to help me be accountable spiritually.
 And then third on my list is the exercise part. So I need those people to hold me accountable too.
 Yeah. What about you?

I do need to get more involved with people who are like-minded as far as spiritually and things like that. I have always had friends and people that I work with and do things with that are like-minded—that I typically work with and do things with—but I've always gravitated to people who have similar ideas and concepts for the most part.

That's one of the things I learned when I became an entrepreneur—you really want to be around other people who are entrepreneurs. You want to have those types of relationships.

I feel like you do surround yourself with people that hold you accountable when it comes to the athletic part. So even like yesterday, meeting up with—how old is Ethan? What is he, like 21?
 Yeah.
 Yeah.

And then him holding you accountable and being like, "We're meeting at the track, and we're gonna do this or that." I feel like you need that—those kind of people too—that are going to hold you accountable, even if they are younger.
 You can learn something from people of all different ages too, right?
 Yeah.
 Yeah. I didn’t even think about that, but yeah.

I've always done that with some other people I've known in the running community that I've met through running, and we'll try to encourage each other.
 I think that's important because even like me at the salon—I'm surrounded by so many different age groups, and I like that too, because with clients and coworkers that are all different age groups, I feel like they hold me accountable and push me or say, "Maybe you should try this, maybe you should pull back on that."

So that helps too. I feel like you always need people around you in different facets of your life, right?
 Yeah.

And again, there's going to be those that are really the Negative Nellies or whatever you want to say.
 Yeah.
 Always looking at things, always skeptical, always saying something.

Kind of a... what's the best way to describe it?
 Negative.
 Yeah.
 Yeah. Very negative.
 And it's tough to be around that all the time, but sometimes they do need an opportunity to talk to somebody who's more positive.
 But at the same time, you have to cut people off.
 Okay, let's change the topic.
 Yeah.
 Yeah.

I'm learning to be better at that, but I haven’t completely gotten there yet.
 Yeah.
 Or cut off—okay, you can only have an hour of my time of being negative.
 Yes. An hour a week of—
 Yes.
 Bad about that.
 It can be deflating at times.
 Yes.

But I feel like the older I get and get more wisdom, then I’m learning how to set better boundaries for myself.
 Yep.

But again, that’s what we do—we want to help at the same time, encourage people. And I think encouraging people through positivity is better. So if they are negative, then we gotta turn it into positive, change the subject, do something a little bit different.
 Yeah.

So one of the things that we wrote down in our notes is about encouragement. And you said, emphasize that you are not being mean, you’re being mindful. What is your take on that?
 Yeah, I think that—and I have had circumstances in the past where I know that there’s somebody who likes to just go on and on about what's going on in the world and be really critical.

And okay, let’s take 15 minutes and just kind of get it out. And I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. But let’s change the tone of the conversation after that.
 Yeah.
 Yeah.

And I don’t think it’s being mean. I think it’s just trying to—hopefully it helps everybody.
 Yeah.
 Yeah. It can come off as being mean, but you're just being mindful of your peace and your space and how much negative energy you allow in.
 Yeah.

And it's not necessarily that—in some cases—their personal problems. It’s just they see a problem with everything.
 Yes.
 If you’re looking at the world and you’re like, "Oh, this is wrong, that’s wrong, this..."
 You can spend all day trying to find what’s wrong in the world.
 Yes.
 It’s always a lot.
 Sure.

But then, one good thing that I like about our relationship is that we try to focus on the positive things. Not ignoring the negative stuff, but still try to focus on a positive and figure out how we can change things within our small circle.
 Yeah.
 Did I word that right?
 Yeah, definitely.

And then I think again, we have to get more focused on the spiritual side of stuff, where we get that energy and give that energy back to everybody, right?
 Yeah, you’re right.
 Yep.

So in the end, I think that this is a conversation that I’m always interested in—what other people have to say and what they think.

What do you do when you’re surrounded by a bunch of people who are really focused on the negative outlook of life?
 Yeah.

And also like, how do you feel or do you agree with people being around for a reason, season, or a lifetime?
 Yep. I like that a lot.

All right, definitely chime in.
 Until next time, look us up and look up some of the other things that we’ve been talking about.

We're easy to find—just check out Rollin' with the Dolans.
 Yes.
 On YouTube, Instagram, and TikTok.
 Yep. Yep.
 And join the conversation.
 Yes.

So until the next time, have a fabulous week.
 Have a bright and sunshiny day—you were looking outside.
 It is exactly that, right?
 It’s funny.

Okay.
 All right, until next time.
 Bye bye.