Bonus - Jordan's (first) birth story

In our first bonus episode, Jordan shares intimate details from the birth story of her daughter. Stay tuned for Lindsay's (and the next round!). 

Transcript

Jordan 0:00

I had, you know, like, followed some people on Instagram who were birth doulas and talked to a couple birth doulas in real life and created this beautiful plan for myself, had all the things, you know, like I had the comb to squeeze if my contractions got bad, I had a playlist

Lindsay 0:12

that in the hospital? No! Oh, gosh.

Jordan 0:14

Of the things I'm about to say, I did about 2 percent of

Lindsay 0:18

yeah. Like, how much of the first

Jordan 0:19

your birth plan did you follow, really? Alright, um, hello.

Lindsay 0:30

Hi! Welcome back!

Jordan 0:31

back,

Lindsay 0:32

had a snack, graham cracker, nectarine.

Jordan 0:35

gonna pretend this is just like a, we didn't just record an episode.

Lindsay 0:38

didn't even just record it.

Jordan 0:39

Oh, okay. But everyone wants to hear about our snack. I love it. Pregnant

Lindsay 0:44

snack. Yeah, pregnant lady's

Jordan 0:46

Yeah, pregnant ladies had her snack. And I'm ready to record.

Lindsay 0:49

are so good right now, it's like a tease that the peach season, that's

Jordan 0:52

I know, yeah, I can't wait. Oof, my favorite season of the year.

Lindsay 0:56

I hope I can give you some of our new peaches. Yeah,

Jordan 0:59

Yeah, I can't believe your peach tree is already producing

Lindsay 1:01

are already

Jordan 1:02

Yeah. And speaking of producing fruit. I love you. I love you too. I love

Lindsay 1:09

Let's chat. How did it go?

Jordan 1:12

about a birth story? Yes.

Lindsay 1:16

might, this thing might not be fun for maybe like, new moms that aren't, that are pregnant now and haven't had their baby. But this topic comes up with me and my neighbors, my random people that I see at the park, pool, we just start blurting out our birth story because I think we just really need it to be validated or heard or expressed and we somehow like get it.

Jordan 1:42

And you want to hear other people's. I'm always interested to hear

Lindsay 1:44

yeah, everyone's is so different. talked to like all my neighbors about it Never would I have thought I'd have these conversations with people. Yeah, they're just so cool. Yeah.

Jordan 1:57

such a wild

Lindsay 1:58

Yeah, and then I think you also want to know, like, what could also be expected if you didn't think of

Jordan 2:05

Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. But yes, I, generally, you're definitely

Lindsay 2:11

Yeah, so this is like a fun, Jordan's going to share her birth story. I'll do my birth story next.

Jordan 2:17

Yeah, we'll talk,

Lindsay 2:18

I don't know if I'll, yeah, I think our plan is for me to do it right after this episode, but, yeah.

Jordan 2:24

you know, we're moms and we're adaptable and shit changes

Lindsay 2:26

yeah.

Jordan 2:27

we move forward.

Lindsay 2:28

have to move forward with like the next new thing to talk

Jordan 2:31

Yeah. Slash uh, yeah, the adaptability is a good theme for this story.

Lindsay 2:37

Yeah, this is a fun, this is a fun, light hearted episode, so.

Jordan 2:40

eh? Hopefully. Yeah. Yeah, I think it, I think it'll be

Lindsay 2:43

it'll be fun. Mm hmm. I kind of like,

Jordan 2:45

there were, I, yeah, this, this labor and delivery process for me to not go the way I had hoped slash planned. There was a lot of turmoil. It was not short, but. Despite the fact that I did have like a little mourning process afterwards, I feel,

Lindsay 3:01

Yeah. but

Jordan 3:03

yeah, that it all got tied in a nice little bow and I'm congruent with

Lindsay 3:07

Yeah, you're in a better place. Well,

Jordan 3:09

Well, yeah, and I think I was in an okay place for the most part along the way. There were a couple bumps in the road and we'll talk about them. So, yeah, if

Lindsay 3:18

is,

Jordan 3:19

yeah, go ahead.

Lindsay 3:19

No, I was going to say, this is for your daughter that's 23 months

Jordan 3:22

23 months. Yes, yep. Okay.

Lindsay 3:24

Yeah. and then we'll have another birth story someday soon.

Jordan 3:28

Yeah, very soon. Jeez, it's coming up quick.

Lindsay 3:31

in preparation for

Jordan 3:33

yeah, in preparation for getting ready for this second birth, I think the first step that I wanted to take is just to really dive back into my first birth and explore all the feelings and the steps in the process, all of it. Um, and just kind of bring it back to the surface and, and yeah, reflect on what went well, what didn't go well. I think I mentioned this in a couple episodes ago, but this is it. So this is, yeah, this is part of that process. Thank you for allowing me to blurt it out at you all. I hope it's interesting. I hope it resonates. Yeah.

Lindsay 4:06

Yeah. Have you journaled your birth story?

Jordan 4:09

I have, yeah. It was, I, it took me a long, it actually took me a long time. It took me like almost a year. I don't know. It took me a long time to get through.

Lindsay 4:20

it done in, like, a setting.

Jordan 4:22

No. And you're, you know, you don't like the postpartum periods. If anyone managed to successfully do a full journal of their birth story in the first couple months postpartum, that's

Lindsay 4:31

Yeah, very.

Jordan 4:33

Yeah, no, for me it was, no, I was sleeping with a baby on my chest

Lindsay 4:37

with

Jordan 4:38

during that time. And yeah, processing things, it takes a long time. So yeah, I, I gave birth in late August, 2022. Thankfully post COVID for all of you who gave birth during COVID times. Woo hats off to you. Cause God damn, would that be stressful? So yes, I was grateful that that was, that was all over. yeah, it was a nice long labor, but so it all started, I think I had a kind of a normal Saturday,

Lindsay 5:07

that day. Probably

Jordan 5:08

It was a weekend. Yep, didn't do much that day probably was just you know in that sort of pre birth haze Where you're like any moment now any minute any hour any day my life is gonna be

Lindsay 5:20

going into labor soon, or am I

Jordan 5:22

Yeah, it's like

Lindsay 5:23

do I have a lot of energy because I'm going into labor

Jordan 5:25

a twilight zone the pre like the like the last couple weeks especially before giving birth I feel like is just Feels like a weird kind of giddy emotional limbo. Yeah, it's such a

Lindsay 5:37

waiting

Jordan 5:39

Yeah, I remember telling my husband at some point this waiting process feels like we're on a boat in like the calmest waters. And we can like, see a storm on the horizon and we know it's gonna be gnarly and crazy and we have no idea like how long it's gonna take to get to us

Lindsay 5:57

Or if it's gonna go around you.

Jordan 5:59

for it. Yeah or if it's gonna come around like it's just like a sense of like damn we gotta fucking batten the hatches and I don't know what it means to batten hatches

Lindsay 6:09

So this is, um, you're describing this, you are planning a natural birth.

Jordan 6:14

natural Yeah yep that was the plan yeah

Lindsay 6:16

not a planned c section, you're, you're, you're in limbo

Jordan 6:20

yeah, I, yep, yep, I don't, I'm not the kind of person who likes the feeling of being medicated, that's like, I don't, I'm not against medications either, uh, just to be clear. Put that out there, but

Lindsay 6:30

but,

Jordan 6:31

I've always really hated like pangulars and things like that like just don't sit well with me And then also we've talked about this but there's this pressure to to do like a natural and medicated home birth is like the be all and all of of Birth and I'm done. I'm not putting that down I think it probably is the be all like I can't imagine feeling more badass than being able to birth my kid at home without medication

Lindsay 6:54

That's perfect.

Jordan 6:55

Um, but for me and my husband, we're the kind of people who like plans. We're the kind of people who like, uh, structure and stability and,

Lindsay 7:03

Answers, questions.

Jordan 7:05

Absolutely. And I've always felt pretty comfortable in a hospital setting, personally. So that wasn't something that was off putting to me. I didn't think that was going to affect, like, my oxytocin levels and things like that, for example.

Lindsay 7:15

yeah.

Jordan 7:16

So, all in all, we were pretty happy. It was like a simple choice for us. It was never gonna be a home birth for this first one. It was just gonna be a hospital birth. So that was my plan, and I had, you know, like, followed some people on Instagram who were birth doulas and talked to a couple birth doulas in real life and created this beautiful plan for myself, had all the things, you know, like I had the comb to squeeze if my contractions got bad, I had a playlist

Lindsay 7:38

that in the hospital? No! Oh, gosh.

Jordan 7:40

Of the things I'm about to say, I did about 2 percent of

Lindsay 7:44

yeah. Like, how much of the first

Jordan 7:45

your birth plan did you follow, really? Oh my god, like, none.

Lindsay 7:49

was the bouncy ball in the room?

Jordan 7:51

I had that.

Lindsay 7:52

Was that like in the closet and they called it a peanut?

Jordan 7:54

No, it's different. No, so I had only been using that bouncy exercise ball like exclusively as a chair.

Lindsay 8:03

that last month I

Jordan 8:04

sit on the couch. I didn't sit on a dining table

Lindsay 8:07

girl you're about to do that again

Jordan 8:11

I'm not ready. actually did just blow up the exercise ball that you gave me to replace mine. Her dog, I think messed mine up when I let you borrow it or something. I don't know, but I have the next one. So I'll

Lindsay 8:22

phone. Oh, that's right, I just sent it to you. I Amazoned it.

Jordan 8:26

Anyway, that's beside the point. I did have the birth ball, but there were like a thousand things on my birth plan. You know, like. The, the light. How do you

Lindsay 8:33

list is too long.

Jordan 8:34

do you want, what do you want to be wearing? So many count, like, do you want any aromatherapies? How do you want your husband to support you or your partner to

Lindsay 8:40

you want music? I was

Jordan 8:42

it. I had meditations downloaded.

Lindsay 8:45

I was asked if there was any music in our room and I don't remember if I said yes or If I did, I was like Hawaiian genre,

Jordan 8:54

That's

Lindsay 8:56

if they did it or not.

Jordan 8:58

That's so funny, Hawaiian

Lindsay 9:00

go ahead. This is your story. We have to, we'll talk about this later.

Jordan 9:03

funny, okay. Yeah, anyway, so I had this big birth plan. I had it all in my head. I had watched, you know, like, a couple videos. Seen a bunch of very beautiful pictures of labor and delivery.

Lindsay 9:14

Yeah, you were envisioning hardcore.

Jordan 9:16

Totally. As I think any woman who's about to give birth just inevitably does. Like, you know, you're about to do this big, huge event that, you've been like thinking about for basically your whole life. And it's before a lot of us been like a scary thought, but you're trying to get over that fear. Anyway, lots of mental preparation, lots of physical preparation with you know, tissue stretching exercises and all the things. Yeah, so, I go in there, I'm ready. before I go in there, I guess we haven't really told the story yet. Normal Saturday,

Lindsay 9:45

yet. Yeah. Normal Saturday. Weekend.

Jordan 9:47

We go for our little evening stroll. I definitely feel a lot of pressure happening on my pelvic floor. Like, those last couple weeks are just like, you feel like a watermelon's about to just like, drop out of your pelvis.

Lindsay 9:58

out of your pelvis. Like what sciatica nerve?

Jordan 10:00

Yeah, so that's, you know, that was how it was. Late August, beautiful, hot summer night. me and my husband go to bed and I had kind of been feeling pretty regular contractions like for a couple of days. but they would like, you know, come and go. They weren't super regular, but this night they were happening a little bit more regularly and then come like 1230 I think, I don't remember if I'd fallen asleep or if I just woke up, but come about 1230 in the morning, my husband's fast asleep beside me. I just started noticing that they were like. Becoming quite regular. They weren't like super painful yet, but they were like kind of becoming more intense. And they, and so I started, timing them

Lindsay 10:39

Yeah. Yeah.

Jordan 10:40

Um, and they got to the point where they were like, whatever it is, I think it's two minutes apart or like a minute and a bit apart. And I was on the little contraction timer and it was all happening. And I was like, this is crazy. And I just laid in bed and like, let it happen. And I remember lying there you'd think given all of the like hype we get about how gnarly and scary labor and delivery is that you would feel maybe like a sense of tension or anxiety in your body. But instead, I just remember every time I had one feeling like this calm, like almost giddiness wash over me. It was, it was the coolest.

Lindsay 11:15

that like you can, if you envision your baby hugging you, or your uterus hugging you, is like another way to get in that mindset. Yeah, cool. That's

Jordan 11:24

use that very soon. Um, yeah, so that's just how I felt naturally, which was, was really

Lindsay 11:30

So you stayed in bed throughout the contractions. They were getting quicker and quicker. Did you have the urge to get up and use the restroom? Okay.

Jordan 11:38

that was the next thing I did. So I got up at like, after maybe 30 or something minutes of them being regular, I don't know. I got up and went into the bathroom

Lindsay 11:45

Middle of the night.

Jordan 11:46

yeah, middle of the night, we're like pushing 1am probably about now. Our one of many.

Lindsay 11:53

Yeah.

Jordan 11:55

yeah, I went to the bathroom, noticed that my mucus plug had, had gone. there was like blood and, you know, y'all, y'all out there know what I'm talking about. I don't need to go into

Lindsay 12:03

to be going to

Jordan 12:05

like, this is it. Okay. And I remember having, the same feeling that I had when I, Took my pregnancy test. I took my pregnancy test on Christmas Day. I was one week late on Christmas Day. and I remember waking up and I hadn't told my husband that my period was late just because I wanted to be able to surprise him if because I was like, oh, it's Christmas coming out. This could be so cool. So he got in the shower. I snuck the pregnancy test out from beneath the like the bathroom like sink or whatever and I like ran downstairs and I felt my heart pounding and I was like, oh my god, this is crazy. And I never used that bathroom either, so I was like, this is gonna be so, like, it all felt very novel. And I, you know, I peed in a cup, and I put the little stick in it, and it immediately popped up pregnant. And I, I just had the same feeling when I saw, like, the mucus plug situation. that I had had in the bathroom on Christmas. Yeah, it's happening. And like, I'm the only one on this whole planet who like knows who like has this

Lindsay 13:02

this information this, is

Jordan 13:04

this is like, just, this is just me. And I'm like about to go share this. So it's just like a really exciting feeling.

Lindsay 13:11

I, into my

Jordan 13:12

so I went back into my bedroom, not quickly. Like I remember being really slow about it. I laid down next to Adrian and I was kind of just woke him up. And I was like, hey, uh, we need to go to the hospital.

Lindsay 13:22

Yeah.

Jordan 13:23

And he jolted upright. Our energies were very mismatched in that moment.

Lindsay 13:30

okay. Oh

Jordan 13:32

what, really? And you know, he was ready. Like, he's the kind of guy who's like,

Lindsay 13:37

He's the

Jordan 13:37

He's the one you want in a str when shit hits the fan, like, he's the one who's got his head on straight and is like giving orders and figuring shit out, which is great. Um, yeah, it was great. So he got out of bed immediately. We had kind of like a, you know, our hospital bag was prepped. We had like a whole bunch of foods that were prepped to put into a bag and take to the hospital mostly

Lindsay 13:56

into a bag and take to the hospital mostly for him. I think I just showed up. I think that was

Jordan 14:02

I think I just showed up. I think that was the advice they

Lindsay 14:04

I took

Jordan 14:04

But I took my time. Like, we didn't end up leaving the house till like 2am, probably. Because I was like, these contractions are still regular. And they're getting stronger. I can feel them getting stronger. But I'm still not like, there's nothing that feels like crazy urgent.

Lindsay 14:19

push. Definitely not

Jordan 14:19

Definitely not the urge to push. No water's breaking. Nothing like that. That's how they say it in the UK. Is that how, did that sound funny to you when I said no water's breaking? Uh uh. Okay, good.

Lindsay 14:29

good. Yeah. Anyways. So you're, okay, now you're at the point where you're driving to the hospital. You're, what are, what the hell are your thoughts and your emotions like as you're driving to the

Jordan 14:37

driving to the hospital? I was kind of starting to become a little bit more like, of like a nervous, like excited feeling. Like there was definitely like an, oh my god,

Lindsay 14:44

god. Dude, isn't it something, like, when you're pulling up to the hospital? Pulling into the hospital parking lot, you're

Jordan 14:50

I'm like getting excited. Like I got a big smile on my face right now because it's a lot, like it's crazy and overwhelming but it's also so fucking exciting. They don't tell you how excited, I mean maybe everyone's experience is different but I felt so excited. and yeah, it just felt like, I don't know, like when you, when I used to wake up really early with my dad to go fishing and it's like dark outside still and you're a kid. And there's like something really weird about being awake already or something. It was like a little bit of that mixed with like, I'm about to have a baby.

Lindsay 15:18

Yeah. There's definitely different energy when you're driving in the middle of the night to a lit up hospital, lights and

Jordan 15:24

Totally. Yeah. And I remember feeling really calm along the way. I was looking at the stars. I was like,

Lindsay 15:30

You'll never forget that night in your

Jordan 15:32

No, it's so cool. Um, it wasn't the night I had my baby.

Lindsay 15:36

I know, was it the day? The 20,

Jordan 15:39

this is like two days

Lindsay 15:40

I didn't, I didn't know that.

Jordan 15:43

that. I have a long old labor story.

Lindsay 15:46

I thought it was like,

Jordan 15:47

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just, okay, everyone keep listening. You'll find out how long it was.

Lindsay 15:51

yeah.

Jordan 15:52

It's not fun. Um, but it's exciting. So we get in there, we check into the hospital. We tell them I'm, you know, the night check in person. Like, we're going up to labor and delivery. We head up there. I could tell that the girl at the desk knew before me that I wasn't having a kid anytime soon.

Lindsay 16:08

my gosh, funny.

Jordan 16:11

that, I got that, so she like looked at me and I could tell what she was thinking

Lindsay 16:14

She's like, here's your paperwork, please go sit down take your time

Jordan 16:19

Yes. It was totally that vibe. So, you know, we do the thing. We check in. I get weighed.

Lindsay 16:25

You're you're too excited.

Jordan 16:27

Yeah, I mean, but also I was having consistent

Lindsay 16:30

and it was your first year

Jordan 16:32

Yep, totally. So we go in the room and, and like, you know, the, the norm at hospitals now is to help you along with like Pitocin and help you along with breaking your membranes and all those things. So, you know, I'm sure this happens all the time and the girl stays in the hospital. Spoiler alert, I didn't stay in the hospital. Um, we did stay overnight. 11am. They put an IV in my arm, but I didn't want to be medicated. So I told them it would be okay to put the needle in my arm, because I was open to the possibility that the plan may change. No, they didn't even hook me up to, like,

Lindsay 17:04

Okay. Okay. Okay.

Jordan 17:07

So they got the IV ready to go. I asked them to not give me any, like, any hydration, any medication, or anything. And I spent the next You know, whatever the difference between two and 11 is the next nine hours. Just laying in the hospital bed.

Lindsay 17:21

Were you in pain, and was it uncomfortable, or were you just

Jordan 17:23

I was definitely becoming uncomfortable. Yeah. So for the first couple hours, it was relatively chill, but I think I had enough like energy and like adrenaline in my body that I was, you know, going through it. And I've talked to all the nurses and they're asking about the names. And I remember looking over at the little table they have set up for the newborn with like the hat and the diaper.

Lindsay 17:41

cute. It's so little. It's so little. I can't wait to see that

Jordan 17:45

I remember looking at that and thinking, this is the room my, my kid's going to be born in and like, they're going to take her over there and put this little hat on her head and like, hand her back to me. And I like, yeah, it just brought tears to my eyes. And that was like, really one of my first moments of like, Oh my God, this is it. And then, you know, my husband got some sleep. I got a little bit of rest, but I didn't, I don't think I slept. But I did get up and like dance in the room because they tell you to Did a little bit of humming and like, you know a little bit of whatever So that was like a place where maybe I was following my birth plan a bit, but not really

Lindsay 18:19

but

Jordan 18:20

And then yeah come 11 o'clock. I didn't see a doctor at all the whole time I was there and at 11 in the morning, they were finally like, you know A doctor finally came in and she was like, if you haven't progressed any more than this now, we recommend Pitocin, and we recommend, like, you know, something else to

Lindsay 18:35

Like, essentially like a duction type

Jordan 18:37

Pretty much, yeah. Yeah, pretty much. Which, like, I, to be fair, would have been probably okay with, given that I could tell that my body was going into labor.

Lindsay 18:45

Like,

Jordan 18:46

Like that, I mean, you know, whatever. But I still just didn't really want to do it if I didn't have to.

Lindsay 18:52

you don't

Jordan 18:52

So she said, if you don't want to do this, then the only alternative is for you to go home and labor at home for a little while and then come back when everything's feeling a little more intense. And I was like, okay, yep. That sounds like

Lindsay 19:02

of the reason I was going home was because I was sick.

Jordan 19:06

I was, and most of the reason was cause I was hungry. You

Lindsay 19:13

and Watermelon. Watermelon. And you, yeah. You came home and you showered,

Jordan 19:17

Yes. And then my hair was like disgustingly greasy. So I was super stoked to get in the shower and wash my hair. And the shower helped with the contractions. Cause by the time I got home, it was definitely painful. Like it was not pleasant. Like every two minutes, I

Lindsay 19:31

Yeah, I remember

Jordan 19:32

Oh,

Lindsay 19:32

off and I was like, Oh, you are so, you're in pain.

Jordan 19:36

Oh, it was awful. Yeah. I like, yeah, it was

Lindsay 19:40

Okay, so then at one point you, you go home, you're hungry, you're showered, you're fed. Did you really feel much better after you

Jordan 19:47

No, oh, but I'm grateful that I ate. I don't think I felt like, I don't think I felt like eating which is why I asked you to bring me watermelon and sorbet.

Lindsay 19:56

eating,

Jordan 19:57

Because those are like not foods.

Lindsay 19:58

you to

Jordan 20:00

It's like hydrating and cooling and and yeah, it's yeah,

Lindsay 20:04

Um, because those are like, not foods. Yeah,

Jordan 20:10

back? Yeah, so we stayed at home until probably about 4pm is my guess. So from like about 5 hours and man my contractions for the last few were gnarly. Like the, I remember leaning against this like little banister rail I have near my stairs. And the only thing I could do when I felt a contraction surge was lean against that and beg my husband to come and like press, you know, into my hips. Yes. It helped, marginally, but it helps, you know? And I was, we were doing that for

Lindsay 20:38

with my

Jordan 20:39

And I spoke with my sister. I kept texting people like, when should I go back? And my sister was like, dude, I went from one centimeter to eight in like, ten minutes.

Lindsay 20:48

you went fast.

Jordan 20:49

then I was like, shit, uh, I

Lindsay 20:50

Yeah. So then you probably just timed your contractions at that point. Did you call when you went back or did you show up

Jordan 20:57

I called. Yeah, I called the second time because I was like, I don't know what to do.

Lindsay 21:01

Are they going to send me home again?

Jordan 21:03

I don't, I still don't want Pitocin. I still feel like I got this.

Lindsay 21:06

I got this.

Jordan 21:07

but I like, you know, I also don't want to like have my kid in the car on the way to the hospital. And they were like, if you, if you feel, if it feels that strong, you may as well come back if you want to be here for it. And I was like, okay, cool. So we head back, we hightail back to the hospital. This time I was really bummed I forgot my pillow.

Lindsay 21:24

pillow. Aww.

Jordan 21:26

Luckily my sister brought it for me later in the night before I, like, tried to get some rest. I mean, sleep is a stretch.

Lindsay 21:32

that lady at the front desk was like, okay. You're back, and yeah,

Jordan 21:36

back. Let's get you in your actual room now.

Lindsay 21:39

That's hilarious.

Jordan 21:40

I go back into the room. I had eaten a little bit. Yeah, I kind of bounced on the ball that this is when they got me the ball. And I had a room that had a bathtub that I thought I would use, but I didn't want it. Like, I didn't want to get in the bath. I didn't want to sit on the toilet like I thought I would want to. I didn't

Lindsay 21:55

Didn't seem comfy, maybe? I don't know.

Jordan 21:56

was comfortable. The only, and then, like, there was no position where contractions were comfortable. So, like, when I felt one surge, sitting was really bad. Laying was quite bad. Standing was like

Lindsay 22:08

bad.

Jordan 22:08

So I just like would kind of hurry and stand up and yeah, I was all over the place and you know I remember just like crying a bunch and it was just all like feeling like a lot

Lindsay 22:20

all that?

Jordan 22:21

so yeah, I think I maintained a sense of calm throughout the whole thing but um was definitely not comfy

Lindsay 22:28

Yeah, I would assume you're like putting the word epidural in your head at this

Jordan 22:33

Not yet.

Lindsay 22:33

Really? Good for you. Oh. I

Jordan 22:35

I mean, is it good? I don't know. Yeah,

Lindsay 22:38

Well, I mean you're powering through and you're talking, you're breathing through it and you're talking your way through it and all the uncomfortableness and like.

Jordan 22:44

And this was for me, this was like worse than the pushing part. Yeah, there's just something about like, not quite, like when you're, I feel like when you're, when you get to the pushing stage you actually have something that you're actively doing, and you have like a purpose, and you have

Lindsay 22:58

have, like,

Jordan 22:59

you know, like an action to take, and this is just like a waiting game, and it took so fucking long for me that like this part was kind of grueling and pretty torturous, but yeah, no, I didn't think about taking an epidural, By the time, like, 12 o'clock hit again, so we're like, hour almost like 23 ish, hour 23, 24, happened, they were like, okay, we're going to go ahead and, Break your membranes and see if we can get any like progress because I was I was consistently like dilating more and more every time They checked me. I had dilated more. So no one was like she's not in labor. I was like thousand percent I was definitely in labor I was dilated to like a seven or eight at this point But that for some reason that just wasn't like enough to get things going. And I finally was like, I don't want I still don't want Pitocin I still hadn't had any medication, but I am okay with you breaking my membrane And so they came in, broke the membranes, and they were like, everything should be happening pretty soon. I'm like, okay, this is going to be interesting. Um, let's go. And then they're like, try and get some rest for now, because you're not feeling the urge to push yet. So I kind of tried to get some rest. Come like 3 a. m. is when I finally was miserable enough, because I think part of it was like, my husband was kind of falling asleep next to me, so I was sort of like losing that.

Lindsay 24:14

Like, support in the middle of the night, or like,

Jordan 24:16

and like just so going so long with the same like every couple minutes like gnarly surge contractions and I just couldn't be comfortable in bed and I wanted my husband to be able to rest too,

Lindsay 24:27

Yeah, of

Jordan 24:27

obviously we both are going to need it. So finally at like 3 a. m. they offered an epidural again. And I was like, yeah, okay, go for it. And this part I felt really scared about, but luckily the girl who gave me the epidural was awesome. I get nervous about new medication in my body.

Lindsay 24:43

it. Yeah.

Jordan 24:43

like when you don't know how you're going to respond to it. And that was the point when I was like the most anxious actually was getting the epidural, which is odd.

Lindsay 24:50

gave me the epidural, In retrospect. Uh she

Jordan 24:54

gave me the epidural.

Lindsay 24:56

And then like, legs go numb.

Jordan 24:58

Yes, which was so weird.

Lindsay 25:01

It's like how heavy they still, they feel even though they're numb.

Jordan 25:04

The weirdest part for me was

Lindsay 25:05

even turn.

Jordan 25:06

like, fart. Like anytime I had to like pass gas, I could be like more ladylike. It felt like I was literally pooing myself and had like no control. It was so bizarre. I remember being so weirded out by that. Yeah, that was crazy. Anyway, so membranes are broken, epidurals in, it's like four or 5am at this point. They take my temperature and I was high so then they had to give me some

Lindsay 25:30

they had to give me some

Jordan 25:31

Which was the first kind of bummer for me, I was like, I don't want to do antibiotics right now, jeez, they don't, I don't sit well with antibiotics, they make me not

Lindsay 25:39

Well then you gotta work on your gut biome all over

Jordan 25:41

Yeah, true, yeah, so anyway, I was like, fine, you know, I trust, I trust you all, like, go for it, give me the antibiotics. They give me the antibiotics, the morning comes and goes, well, not really, it was 10am, 10am is when I started feeling like I needed to

Lindsay 25:56

a.

Jordan 25:56

And I told them, I was like, Hey, I've been feeling the urge to push. And I kind of had been feeling it for like a little bit.

Lindsay 26:01

been feeling it for like a little bit. I

Jordan 26:04

I don't know what it was. It was feel, felt almost entirely mental to me. Okay. Yeah. So I'm like, okay, I think I need to push. And they were like, okay, okay, great. And they go grab the doctor. They come in, they set everything up. I got like, had like a peanut ball, which was like, part of my plan was to like do knees and calves out sort of pushing. It was all wild ride. My husband was really great and supportive and like holding my leg while I pushed. I pushed for three hours. I pushed for three

Lindsay 26:30

insane. How many pushes an hour did you do?

Jordan 26:33

was doing one ivory contraction.

Lindsay 26:36

every contraction. Yeah. I

Jordan 26:38

I was doing one every contraction, but I did take a couple little breaks because what happened is my kid was, facing the wrong way, so she wasn't breech, she was face

Lindsay 26:48

need to

Jordan 26:49

and babies need to be face down to come out,

Lindsay 26:52

they ask you if they could

Jordan 26:54

Yes, and I was like, yeah, do whatever you need to do. So the doctor's freaking arm deep in my uterus, like his hand is inside of my uterus. My husband's like, they're

Lindsay 27:04

I've never seen

Jordan 27:04

got his forearm in my wife. Um, so he, and he got her to spin a couple of times. So like he'd spin her and then we'd push again for like 40 minutes.

Lindsay 27:13

impressive. And

Jordan 27:14

she wouldn't make that much progress, so then he'd go back and he'd be like, Oh, she's faced, she's faced up again, spin her again. But she just kept spinning back around. So we kept thinking, it's all good, we'll get her out doing this eventually. And we just kept trying and trying and

Lindsay 27:28

Yeah. Yeah. Three hours.

Jordan 27:31

Three hours of this, yeah. Finally, I just got too

Lindsay 27:34

And you were just like, I'm exhausted. I can't push anymore. Did you call

Jordan 27:38

I didn't. But I think everyone around me was like, this girl's I hadn't slept in, at this point, it's like a day and a half of no

Lindsay 27:46

Yeah. They probably

Jordan 27:47

like two days of no sleep, like two and a half days of no sleep, because I hadn't slept since the night before the night I had gone into the hospital. It was crazy, yeah, so, they were like, you need to try and get some rest. We're gonna go talk about our options, so me and my husband are just sitting in the room like, This sucks. They came back with a list of options for me and the options were these. Keep trying to push but use forceps.

Lindsay 28:10

Mm

Jordan 28:10

or C section.

Lindsay 28:12

That's,

Jordan 28:13

That's, that's it. And the forceps option, when the nurse and the doctor were explaining it to me, they were like, so we can keep trying for vaginal delivery and we can use forceps. The issue with forceps is that the likelihood that yeah, you're, you're going to get a tear between your vagina and your colon is Very

Lindsay 28:31

And you don't want that

Jordan 28:32

And that is a surgery that you can't really fully recover from. Like, those tissues just never quite go back to normal so you're gonna be like, you know, having problems defecating later in life and all sorts of issues. And I was like, Oh God, that does not sound good. That sounds like a gnarly recovery.

Lindsay 28:49

So when you're like, there's one other option, how were you trying to be okay and accept

Jordan 28:56

I didn't at first. I fully didn't accept it. I didn't want a C section. Nobody like wants a C section. So I was like, shit, well, I kind of don't know what to do. So at this point I texted my sister. I texted you. and Lindsay was my best resource. She said

Lindsay 29:12

So, FYI, I work in the setting. Yes. And I have delivered babies via c section in the hundreds. So yes, you, you text me and you're like, what's up?

Jordan 29:25

Yeah, like, which option do I choose? Basically. Do you remember what you said?

Lindsay 29:29

Yeah, I said, okay, here, you're somewhere safe. I don't, I hope this is okay to say. I, I did suggest that you might not want your team

Jordan 29:39

Yes, that's exactly what you said.

Lindsay 29:41

And, you know, your team works really well under stress, and they're willing to do whatever they can for you. and for

Jordan 29:51

made it very clear it was my

Lindsay 29:52

Yes, which is great and wonderful, but there, there is stressful moments with a team. And like I said, we're trained to work through them. We're trained to work really well through them. But one thing that is ideal is to not be stressed because one thing can lead to another really quick and

Jordan 30:13

Yeah, so yeah, exactly. So yeah, what she said was, what I remember the concise, like text message version of this was like, I would do whatever your OB feels most comfortable with,

Lindsay 30:24

really, here's the thing, you really want that person to be really good at their job.

Jordan 30:28

do near, you're absolutely right. Like, I don't want, if he's not given that many forcep deliveries, like I don't want him to be fucking putting those

Lindsay 30:36

Or you, or right, or your colon could sit differently in your body than another person. And like,

Jordan 30:41

Yeah,

Lindsay 30:42

just don't.

Jordan 30:43

And I don't want it to sit differently the rest of my life from how it is. So, I was like, I was really torn, in this moment. And Lindsay's advice really helped me because I, yeah, I was able to put into perspective like, okay, these guys do this. Literally every

Lindsay 30:57

every day. So

Jordan 30:58

So they're very comfortable, I can also become very comfortable.

Lindsay 31:01

sure you felt their comfort

Jordan 31:02

I did.

Lindsay 31:03

went into that room.

Jordan 31:04

Oh, a thousand times I did. Dude, I was so cozy going into that OR, but anyway. Before that, the other person I spoke with was this epic nurse that I had. She was an older nurse, she

Lindsay 31:15

They're the best. Labor and delivery

Jordan 31:18

So good. She was so good. She came into the room and was like, you know, asking me how I was feeling, could tell I was feeling exhausted and sad and like, just like kind of confused. And this is like the worst place to be mentally when you're like trying to make a really big decision like

Lindsay 31:36

Yeah. You know?

Jordan 31:37

know? And my husband was super supportive and talking through it with me as well. And I asked her, I said, what would you, what would you do? And she said, I had every single one of my babies. I don't remember if she had like three or four babies, but it was more than two. was in the same situation that you're in. And mine were all delivered with forceps, successfully. however, the doctor who delivered them was like, a legend with forceps. And he like, he was like a magician. And I haven't seen anyone that good with forceps since then. And honestly, girl, like,

Lindsay 32:11

yeah,

Jordan 32:12

The C section will be so much easier to recover from than a tear like

Lindsay 32:16

that. Yeah. Yeah.

Jordan 32:17

And her advice really, yeah, I was just like reiterating what you said basically. And I was thinking about recovery and I was like, okay, yeah, that's fair. So then they started prepping me and getting the paperwork done. But when they came to do the paperwork, there was another woman OB, because the other doctor had to leave for a bit. So this woman OB comes in and she was like, Kind of just wanted to feel for herself and she felt my baby's head and was like, Hmm, she's the right way around now. And I had already like signed the paperwork for this c section. They were like taking me out and I was like, Oh my god, so now a ton of time has gone by. It's like basically 1. 30pm now, about. But she was like, Okay, well, let's get you going. I And I was like, but she's, yeah, yeah, to go have a c section. And, and I was like, but she's the right way around? Like, and you're gonna have me go back for a c section? Like, I was so confused. I was like, can't we keep trying? And my husband, I, I didn't have the energy to advocate for myself in this moment. I felt broken, and tired, and like, I, like, I felt like I had to surrender to this doctor who didn't, She was just going about her work day, like she wasn't very

Lindsay 33:27

busy. They are so

Jordan 33:28

Yeah,

Lindsay 33:29

I can't even, like, Obies, I swear, are the busiest people in that hospital.

Jordan 33:33

didn't give a f like, I, like, I don't, like, I get it, but she, I didn't feel like she really gave a fuck about, like, the experience I was having, but my husband did, and in that moment he, like, looked at me, and he said, if you want to keep pushing,

Lindsay 33:45

Push on your way there. Push right now on your way there. I

Jordan 33:48

Well, he said just, like, you can keep pushing. And, like, he really, like, really, really advocated for me in that moment. And, like, just brought all my strength back. Which was so awesome.

Lindsay 33:58

was

Jordan 33:59

Ugh, I could cry. Anyway, so then, I was like, Yeah, I want to keep pushing and then the the team was like, okay like that, you know They were respectful and like they she's like, all right Well, you got to push really fucking hard told me how to push and it was like, you know in a way That's different to what I had been practicing Which was like a little bit annoying But I did my best, dude. I like really animaled out for this last little bit. Like I was trying so hard and I was so tanked. I, yeah, like can't, you can't imagine this level of exhaustion or this level of effort

Lindsay 34:33

level of effort. And

Jordan 34:34

And the nurse, like kind of after like 45 minutes of that, she's like, you need to, you need to rest. And then the doctor left and she was like, I don't think your baby spun back around. I think she's still face up.

Lindsay 34:47

said that to

Jordan 34:48

The nurse said that to me. She's like, I've done this a lot of times, and I know, like, that the, you know, the doctor's saying what she's saying. I don't think she's, I don't, I personally,

Lindsay 34:55

don't think, personally, like,

Jordan 34:57

yeah. And it was that same nurse, and I was like, okay, and she's like, I'm gonna get you an ultrasound machine. And I'm going to give you an ultrasound, and we'll just double check, because if you want to keep pushing, and she's right, the right way around, then you can keep pushing. And I'm so defeated in this moment, I'm like basically sleeping.

Lindsay 35:14

You like prove

Jordan 35:15

Yeah, so she's, so she, this angel brought this ultrasound machine in, showed me that my baby was in fact, still the wrong way

Lindsay 35:22

Yeah. And you're like, okay, let's go.

Jordan 35:24

And at that point I knew so like that was the one thing that allowed me to be congruent with the decision to go into the OR when I wasn't ready

Lindsay 35:31

Yeah.

Jordan 35:32

You know I hadn't exhausted all my effort just yet so like I'm so grateful that she did that for me because in that moment nothing

Lindsay 35:40

felt more

Jordan 35:41

felt more right than being taken into the OR and and that like it's so weird.

Lindsay 35:47

is so weird because you, we all have these plans, A, B, C, whatever. And you didn't have that on your plans.

Jordan 35:56

at all! Like, not at

Lindsay 35:58

then, and then you felt so right to make that decision.

Jordan 36:01

Yes, even in that moment of like, abso And it was thanks to my husband who was able to like, Advocate for me when I didn't have it for

Lindsay 36:09

thanks to that

Jordan 36:10

And thanks to that nurse who was able to like show me because I think she could see that I was going to do everything I could to avoid a C section.

Lindsay 36:16

section. She

Jordan 36:17

And she like was caring

Lindsay 36:18

moment in

Jordan 36:19

moment in a way that I couldn't, I didn't know how to care for myself. You know what I mean?

Lindsay 36:23

what

Jordan 36:24

Which is so cool. Anyway, so my husband got suited up in his little outfit and he was way more nervous than me. When we got into the OR, I was the moment that nurse like told me that, a calm washed over me.

Lindsay 36:36

Yeah, and everyone was set up, ready. Everyone

Jordan 36:38

was ready to go. They had a song that I liked playing. It was like the weekend or something. Everyone was happy. It was like, I, I know ORs are probably really intimidating for people who don't work in them like you do, but. It was, it felt like

Lindsay 36:52

yeah, there are so many that are like, Woo, let's have a baby,

Jordan 36:55

it was so cool. And they laid me on the table. They didn't strap my arms down. Lindsay had advised me to get some anti nausea medicine, which was like clutch.

Lindsay 37:04

cause they'll, uh, they'll pound on

Jordan 37:06

Oh boy, that was wild. I won't go into the full detail of like, what the c section experience was like, but just be ready for like, the weirdest. I was like, this feels like what I would imagine what happens to your body when you're like, abducted by aliens

Lindsay 37:20

You're a fash yeah.

Jordan 37:22

explored. This is, it is so fucking weird.

Lindsay 37:26

Yeah, I'm glad you, I'm glad you did get that. Cause that can send people.

Jordan 37:31

Dude, it sent me, I mean, it sent me even with the, it was intense. It was so intense, but it was so cool. So they, the doctor had to like, pry my kid's head out of my pelvic bone because I had been pushing for so long. So unfortunately,

Lindsay 37:46

She had a

Jordan 37:46

the c section, she still had a little, it wasn't super coney like the shape, but she definitely, her head was like beat up

Lindsay 37:52

up. Bruised and

Jordan 37:53

Yeah, which was sad. And she had had some meconium in the, somewhere,

Lindsay 37:57

Yeah, yeah. I

Jordan 37:59

remember. But so there was like a, you know, the respiratory team was there, they took her out of the room straight away. And the feeling that when they pull your baby out of your abdomen like that, Oh, it's so weird. It's so. Weird. It's so weird. Wow.

Lindsay 38:15

Yeah. I can't even

Jordan 38:16

like taking psychedelics. Like

Lindsay 38:18

Like, you don't

Jordan 38:19

you don't know what it's like till you've tried it. I can't even try.

Lindsay 38:22

Right.

Jordan 38:23

Um, I say they took her out. I heard her crying. That was really comforting. I still felt great. Like I was ready. I was ready to be with her, but I was like calm. I was

Lindsay 38:33

I was

Jordan 38:34

She was gone for quite a while, but then my husband brought her back and he walked kind of like around the

Lindsay 38:39

walked around holding

Jordan 38:41

Yeah, he walked around holding her and I just remember this like

Lindsay 38:44

have that

Jordan 38:45

brought her next to me and yeah, and I totally just got to have that surge of like, yeah, absolute like Bliss isn't the right word and like joy is not the right word. It's just this expansiveness that's like hard to describe.

Lindsay 39:01

crazy. So,

Jordan 39:02

Yeah, it's crazy. So yeah, I got to have that. I didn't get to hold her yet, but like I felt her skin, like her little cheek on mine and, and Adrian was stoked and we had some pictures taken and yeah, such a good moment. And then they took her down to like do some more, whatever they do just to check, make sure nothing's like going on with her respiratory system and everything. And he got to go down with them and like watch the team, like work with her while they closed me up and then put

Lindsay 39:28

what a really cool experience for him.

Jordan 39:30

it was. I think it, yeah, I

Lindsay 39:31

And so then you were probably reunited with her in the room or did they bring

Jordan 39:36

Yeah, yeah, I was reunited in the room. It took a little while. And by the time they brought her in, I was like, definitely starting to lose that patience. Like, I was just really anxious to, like, actually meet her and hold her.

Lindsay 39:46

to

Jordan 39:46

and I was also so tired. I was so tired that this moment is so hazy in my mind, but it's like this glowy little haze. so yeah, a nurse brought her in and was like trying to tell me some breastfeeding things like right away. Cause I guess they wanted me to breastfeed her obviously. But like, I was like, shut up and give me my child. Like, I don't care what I, like, will not listen to any of the words

Lindsay 40:06

it goes over your head.

Jordan 40:07

in your arms and she's about to be

Lindsay 40:09

Yeah, yeah, I think that you're right. Like the information overload. It's a little much and you're,

Jordan 40:16

I mean, what else are you going to do though when you're

Lindsay 40:17

They have to do it, but

Jordan 40:19

to have to be like, now you want to put her on your, you know, your

Lindsay 40:22

yeah, it's just too much like more work. You're like, well,

Jordan 40:25

yeah, I mean, but that is what I wanted to do

Lindsay 40:27

yes,

Jordan 40:28

was just like, let me do this. I didn't feel like I needed to be told

Lindsay 40:30

needed to be

Jordan 40:32

and yeah. And luckily, yeah, it all worked out really nicely. They transferred me down at this point It's like she was born around like 3 30. I think 3 39 was when they ended up

Lindsay 40:42

falling asleep. I did. It wasn't hard for me. I've

Jordan 40:45

Did Wasn't hard for me dude. I hadn't slept since like There I went to was it two full nights without sleep. Yeah, two full nights without sleep. So I was like

Lindsay 40:54

any sleep. I

Jordan 40:56

Like, without any sleep. I was so tired. And all that pushing, like, dude, I was so

Lindsay 41:02

And

Jordan 41:03

So I actually did sleep pretty well, and she slept pretty well. We had her in the room with us, and we stayed in the hospital for a few beautiful, beautiful days. And everything was, everything was all good, you know? Healed up, and

Lindsay 41:14

and You guys, you guys knew the name before going in?

Jordan 41:19

No.

Lindsay 41:20

okay. At all? Was it on the list?

Jordan 41:24

was on the list, but we didn't put that name on a piece of paper until the day we left the hospital. It was like three days later.

Lindsay 41:30

That's hilarious. Did you just call her of all the names and just We called her Baby. Okay. And then just figure it out. Okay, that is for sure it. Good. That's really

Jordan 41:41

we struggle with naming kids you guys. It's, it's uh, it's tough. I always tell people it's the hardest part of having a

Lindsay 41:47

I think it is.

Jordan 41:48

that whole story I just told you, I still think that way.

Lindsay 41:51

Yeah, you'll have like a list going for a while. You know, whatever. And then all of a sudden you go back to it and you're like, I hate that name. You know,

Jordan 41:58

it's so weird and stupid.

Lindsay 42:00

Yeah, our, our name was like last minute.

Jordan 42:03

Yeah, yeah, I remember being like, wait, what? I didn't even hear you say that name.

Lindsay 42:09

Yeah.

Jordan 42:10

That's

Lindsay 42:10

Oh, what a fun, crazy. Yes.

Jordan 42:14

Yes, yeah, and so the moral of the story is like

Lindsay 42:18

Have all your plans. Let's see what, see what happens. Yeah. See what happens.

Jordan 42:23

and my hope for everyone who has ever had a baby or who will ever have a baby is that you're able to like, make peace with the way. You had it, because it's like a beautiful part of your story no matter what it looks like.

Lindsay 42:36

Yeah.

Jordan 42:37

I was just, yeah, so grateful, yeah, I mean, I was really grateful at the end

Lindsay 42:41

really grateful. Yeah, it is, yeah, like once they're in your arms and they're here and they're healthy, it's just like the most amazing thing.

Jordan 42:49

I did have a lot of tears, looking back on the moment when I, Felt so happy in the, in like the hospital room looking over at the diaper and the hat. That was like the moment that I had to mourn the most. so it'll be like something weird and random for you maybe that you don't expect that creates a little bit of like tension in your system. But, yeah, I, the more time goes on the less important. The, the method behind that story becomes, and the more important the bond that I have with my kid bec Like, she is

Lindsay 43:21

Right. Exactly.

Jordan 43:22

exists in the world because of that. So, it's great. Yeah. Anyway, thanks for listening everybody, that went long.

Lindsay 43:31

Birth stories are worthy, you know, how many, no matter how many minutes.

Jordan 43:34

so you'll hear one more from me at some point down the road. And, um, yeah.

Lindsay 43:39

I feel like not too long. I mean, yeah,

Jordan 43:42

It won't be, it'll come quick. I think it's gonna come quick. I gotta, I gotta think of names.

Lindsay 43:47

I gotta, I gotta think

Jordan 43:49

cool. Yeah, well thank you.

Lindsay 43:50

Cool. Awesome.

Jordan 43:51

you like this little piece of bonus

Lindsay 43:53

like this little content. Yeah. Uh, we'll be looking forward Lindsay. Yeah. Up next. Bye.

Jordan 44:01

Good night.

Lindsay 44:02

Good night.