Just For The Day
Just For The Day
#16 - August 29, 2025 - Step 8
Jay and Diane share the Al Anon daily reading from Courage to Change then discuss how documenting past wrongs can free us from the burden of unrelenting guilt without immediately requiring amends.
Diane brings forward the notion of squirrely thinking and how it keeps us stuck in the past instead of productively moving us into the future.
Jay highlights the difference between carrying life as "a burden and a chore" versus facing it as "a challenge and a joy"
Question: What are some of the amends you discovered in your past that need to be made?
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Hi everyone, welcome back to another episode of Just For the Day, I'm Diane and I'm codependent.
Speaker 2:And I'm Jay and I am a recovering addict.
Speaker 1:And today we've actually decided to read from one of the Al-Anon readers, which is Courage to Change, and the date is August 29th. This one does not start with a quote, it ends with a quote. The first paragraph is the first paragraph is Since childhood, I have been nagged by those moments when I said or did something that brought pain to another person.
Speaker 2:These are ugly memories that I never believed would go away With step eight, however, I discover a means to release myself from unrelenting guilt. This step says to make a list of all people I have harmed and to become willing to make amends to them all. Finally, I can put down in words all the memories and all the pain. When I see them written in front of me, they seem almost manageable and I feel hopeful about freeing myself from their weight as I become willing to make amends. I need not take any further action at this point. All I'm concerned with now is the harm I have caused others, the guilt I have brought on myself and the desire to do what I can to clear it away.
Speaker 1:Today's reminder guilt is a burden that keeps me from giving myself fully and freely to the present. I can begin to rid my mind of guilt by quietly admitting where and when I've done wrong to people, including myself.
Speaker 2:And the quote at the end is Al-Anon has shown me another way of living and I like it. Life can either be a burden and a chore, or a challenge and a joy. One day at a time, I can meet the challenges of life head-on instead of head-down. You know it's interesting. I really like how it's calling out the difference between documenting the wrongs and having to make amends.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Oftentimes I think that there it's, it's adds to the anxiety, and part of the reason why we don't do it is because to look at it means I might have to do something with it, and this is saying no, no, you can start with just looking at it, you don't have to do anything with it. Yet that's a separate issue and I like that. It's kind of breaking it down into more manageable parts.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it definitely gives it more of a bite-sized flavor to it that you're able to look at it and say, okay, I can make a list and not have to worry about doing anything beyond this piece of paper and this pen.
Speaker 1:Right, and it definitely makes it more manageable right I, I'm thinking back on some of my step eights and, uh, when it talked about kind of reliving the, the things that we've done in the past, I was very guilty of having that, the squirrely thought where they you know, the hamster on the wheel that you just keep reliving conversations over and over and you're like I, this is what I said, I should have said this, and if I'd have said this, they would have said this and it wouldn't have caused the damage that it caused. Right, yeah, and and I think that is a coping mechanism I think that definitely there's an element of trying to control how my brain is framing the past when I'm doing that that's interesting and yet I'm not changing the and I'm not actually doing anything productive to the future.
Speaker 2:Right, You're staying stuck in a will, stuck in a rut, not taking any action but reliving the past in an effort to give yourself a sense of control over it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, which is kind of crazy. That's the insanity part, right, because I think it's a very common thing that a lot of codependents will say they've experienced with their addict, where they'll have a run in with their addict and then they'll be replaying it in their mind for days afterwards.
Speaker 2:Yeah, if I could have just done this, if I had just said this, maybe if I had done that, they'd have reacted differently.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it's just, it's stagnation and it's not productivity when the idea of a step eight is productive, it's okay. Put all those things on paper and then, when you're ready, you can actually attack each of those individual things and actually go through them. I just want to. I feel like it's important to go back and actually read step eight, which is made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all, which comes before step nine, which is where the amends are actually made.
Speaker 2:You just have to be willing. You don't have to actually do it Right. Huge difference.
Speaker 1:It is and I love that at the end the quote talks about. Basically we have a choice. Life can be a burden and a chore, or a challenge and a joy, and the fact that those are the options that are connected to step eight really gives you an idea of how the program, how people in the program, kind of frame this step eight. That you're carrying around these memories of past wrongs that you've done, yeah, and it does make life kind of a chore and a burden. You're carrying this around. It's heavy Versus. When you start to write it down, that's the first step of letting it go. I mean, obviously, when you actually can make the amends and you can talk to that person, then hopefully that is totally, you're able to totally let it go. Yeah, that's the final step.
Speaker 2:But writing it yeah Well, I really like the word choice suggests think about the difference between a burden and a challenge.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I really like that.
Speaker 1:There's a big difference.
Speaker 2:Right. Is it behind you and are you dragging it, or are you facing it to try to deal with it, right? Yeah, I guess I can see that imagery as well I really like the way that that's framed A challenge and a joy or a burden and a chore.
Speaker 1:Well, because a burden is something that you don't want to be carrying around. A chore is something that feels tedious, that you don't want to be carrying around, but when you're looking at a challenge, there's excitement, there.
Speaker 2:You're bringing everything you can, all your faculties, to it, and that is one of the lessons of life is that there's joy in growth and that comes from challenge facing challenges head on.
Speaker 1:Definitely it does. Yeah, I like that.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Anything else.
Speaker 2:No. Step eight it's a great step. I like the way that's framed.
Speaker 1:Well, I apologize for my head cold today. I think you can definitely hear it in my voice, but I'm glad that we were able to join you guys for a reading today. Um, to change is actually one of my favorite al-anon readers. That one has the most readings. That really strike me, so every once in a while we can throw those in.
Speaker 2:We should be looking at more frequently. Okay, thanks for joining us guys yeah, talk to you tomorrow.
