Towards Eden, an Enneagram Podcast
The Enneagram is an amazing tool to help us have way better relationships - and grow emotionally + spiritually.
On this podcast you'll hear stories of people using the Enneagram personality tool
to understand themselves and the people in their worlds.
& I (Elyse) will teach you how to use the Enneagram system so that you feel empowered to use this tool in your own life.
Let's get curious about each others' stories and grow together 🌿
Towards Eden, an Enneagram Podcast
#10 - Monique Horb (1) of Organizing Your Chaos
Welcome to the show...my mom!
Monique Horb owns Organizing Your Chaos. She's spent the last 15 years using her Enneagram One gifts to help women find calm in their houses through decluttering and organizing. Now she's a Christian Life Coach using her experience to help midlife women going through transitions.
We discuss the Enneagram One strengths and weaknesses and how the Enneagram helps families understand each other better.
You can find Monique on Instagram @organizing.your.chaos or Facebook Organizing Your Chaos. To schedule a free call with Monique, email Monique@OrganizingYourChaos.com.
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For resource recommendations, click here.
The Road Back to You by Ian Cron- start here to find your type
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elyse@towardsedenenneagram.com
Get my FREE Guide to the 9 Enneagram Types 🌱
This guide is a great quick-reference to help you remember the types.
I'm here with Monique Horb of Organizing your Chaos. Monique is an Enneagram one just like me, and she's my mom You're listening to Towards Eden, an Enneagram podcast. The Enneagram is a tool that helps us tell our stories. I'm Elise and I'm here to teach you all about the Enneagram so that you can understand your own story better and have way better relationships.
Speaker 2:Thank you for having me, elise. I have enjoyed watching you discover the Enneagram, teach it to our family and get certified and train and also live out your dream of talking all about it and sharing it with the world on this podcast.
Speaker 1:Thank you. Yes, it's so good to have a way to channel all my Enneagram energy.
Speaker 2:Yes, you would talk about it all the time if you could.
Speaker 1:Please introduce yourself. Tell the audience a bit about what you do in life these days.
Speaker 2:I am Alisa's mom and also an Enneagram, one which is interesting because we're both ones, but we're different kinds of ones. We have some of the similar motivations and some are different, and I will say that I wish that I had learned about the Enneagram two decades ago, 20 years ago. It would have made a very radical difference in my marriage, in how I parented my children and in my relationships. We can't go backwards, but I am investing, learning about it now, so that the second half of my life is fantastic because I'm going to live to be 100. Wow, did you decide that? I just decided that because I said the second half of my life. That's amazing. I'm excited for you.
Speaker 2:So I remember when Elise brought the Enneagram home and I was like, oh, okay, it's another personality test. I was thinking about that and I have taken the Myers-Briggs and the one that's the animals and all the different ones I've taken and they all come out pretty much the same. I am organized, I am methodical, I am a problem solver, but this one was very different. This one focused on what was on the inside of me instead of my external actions, which I actually found fascinating why I do or don't do things and what in my heart and in my head is giving me a thought or a direction about that. So I have grown and learned so much more about myself by understanding how God created me and wired me, and that has given me more freedom in how I make decisions and what I do and don't do. As far as being a people pleaser and wanting to do things perfectly and not wanting to make mistakes. That, tied in with some life coaching, has really, in the last couple of years, created me to be a different person, not like a different person, but I really do think differently and I am approaching situations in life with a different thought pattern about it. So that's what I think about the Enneagram.
Speaker 2:How did you first find out your number? You had us Dad and I and Alina, we were home and you had us take a test, and so you know, you take the test and you get the answer and I read what the description for the Enneagram one is and I burst into tears and started crying and you looked at me and dad looked at me and Alina looked at me. You guys said why are you crying? I said I don't want to be an Enneagram one, because Enneagram ones aren't any fun. Yeah, because I'm always in my mind, I'm always trying to make things quote, unquote right or keep within the line, so to speak, or try to stay on track, which doesn't sound fun. So I was kind of disappointed. But I have embraced who I am and how God created me, and also know that I can put things aside and I can choose to have fun if I want to.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you can. Here are a few things to know about the motivations of an Enneagram One, and some of these things you've already been talking through as you've been telling us about yourself. But Enneagram Ones are motivated by goodness. They really want to be good. Their core desire is to be good, to be right, to be morally correct and to improve themselves and the world around them. So improvement is such a big theme for Ones. Ones are always looking at the world through the lens of how can I improve myself and how can I help others be better, and how can I help make the world a better place. And then the fear of the ones is being bad, being wrong and also making mistakes. Making mistakes is really hard for ones.
Speaker 2:Because then you have to say you're sorry. And that's hard too, because that's not perfect.
Speaker 1:Yeah, saying sorry is hard. Tell me about your family.
Speaker 2:I have been married for over 30 years.
Speaker 2:My husband and I have been blessed to have six children, three by birth and three by adoption, and when we had three children and I had two hands, I used to say I needed three hands because I had three young children.
Speaker 2:But we adopted three more children and we went from three to six overnight and that was a challenge for sure, even for this planner and organizer.
Speaker 2:I had to figure out how to manage our home with meals and clothes and activities and schoolwork and eating and laundry and all the things that have to be done. It doesn't matter how many people live in your house, these are all daily, daily things that have to be done just to live and survive. So I did have to figure out how to make this all work and I would make charts and lists and spreadsheets to figure out what was happening when, who needed to be where, and so really taking the time to plan out the entire school year. So, for example, when school started and everybody brought home their school calendar and one year I had people in four different buildings, four different schools, so that different school had a different school calendar, and then they had their activities and some were in sports and other activities. So all of those things in August. I would lay everything out and put all the dates from August through school ending on the calendar at once, so that at the beginning of the year.
Speaker 2:I did the whole school year one time for everybody, because I needed to know what dates were already spoken for and not have an event come up and have something else scheduled because I didn't know. So planning ahead was probably one of the biggest game changers for me, so that I knew before the end of the school year what was already on the schedule. So that was really important to keep things from falling through the cracks.
Speaker 1:Well, how did you even know to do that? Like, okay, I don't know that everybody just would think of that plan out your whole, put everything on your calendar for the whole year. So how did you come to that? How did you figure that out? Does that have to do with you being a one?
Speaker 2:I would say it has to do with me being a one, and in my head I am problem solving all the time, even when I am not intentionally problem solving. So my brain is looking at things in a room or on a calendar or on a you know time management, and figuring out a better way to do something. And ones do that. But a better way to do something, a more efficient way to do something, and I knew with this many people and moving parts, there had to be a plan. I didn't have anybody tell me to do this, but if I wasn't going to lose my mind, I had to be proactive.
Speaker 1:So being proactive saved probably I'm assuming a lot of headaches, because I already knew what was coming up what things were hard for you as a one about running a big household, about having a big family.
Speaker 2:As a one, and myself with my gifts of planning and organizing and problem solving and managing, I was pretty comfortable managing all the people in our family. I did fall very short in stopping and spending time because there was always so much going on. I missed a lot of opportunities to just do some connecting because there was so much to do, it literally took all my time. What do you mean connecting? Because there was so much to do, it literally took all my time. So that was what do you mean connecting With my kids? Because there was managing, you know, after school activities and homework and dinner and sports and driving from pick up from school till bedtime. It pretty much was constant moving. For somebody it was. It was a to do list from three o'clock till 10 o'clock.
Speaker 1:Like you didn't have time to stop and have the emotional conversation because you were too busy doing the things.
Speaker 2:Correct Because all the things had to be done, yeah, so that was something that I didn't realize was happening at the time. I know it now and so I have really enjoyed learning about the Enneagram with some of my kids and how they are wired, and it is a huge light bulb now for understanding the way we all acted just internally, why one person acted one way and another person acted another way, and why one was introverted and one was emotional acted another way, and why one was introverted and one was emotional. And my brain was wired to solve problems and fix things. So when I saw that something was in my mind out of whack, I wanted to fix that person so that they would be okay, but not knowing that they were acting in the way God created them with their Enneagram number and their motivations. So now I see it so differently.
Speaker 2:So I wish I mean you don't know what you don't know, but I wish that 20 years ago I would have had these tools. So as a parent, I would encourage anybody who has kids, even the very young ones, to kind of just start paying attention to how they act and what they do, and it's their motivation which would have eliminated unnecessary conflict because we just didn't understand each other. The kids didn't understand each other, necessarily. I didn't always understand why people act different ways, but being intentional now and understanding that with my immediate family and my husband, I have seen changes in adult relationships because we are coming at the relationship from a different mindset, in a different standpoint, not trying to change people, but trying to understand people and have deeper connections with my family, which I want so any of your ones are in the gut center.
Speaker 1:Okay, so there's, we have the gut center, the head center and the heart center. For those of you who are listening to this, which is all of you, because I'm not on YouTube my mother just punched the air to represent the gut center. Yes, fighter types, and so I think what you're saying is a really good presentation of one way this comes out right. So we have twos, threes and fours who are heart centered. They're pretty feelings focused. We have twos, threes and fours who are heart-centered, they're pretty feelings-focused. Fives, sixes and sevens are the head-center, they're thinking-focused, and then eights, nines and ones of which both of my parents, are in the gut-center. An eight and one. So eights, no-transcript, probably the only heart type. And she was always in her feelings and I think sometimes she felt kind of disconnected from the rest of us or just misunderstood, because we were all action, action, action and she wanted to talk about her feelings for a while.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and that takes time, and so that's what I'm doing now is I am taking the time and becoming more intentional, understanding that there are people in this world, people that you might know, that I might know, that are family or friends, that sit in a feeling center and they just want to talk about their feelings and it feels like you're going in circles, but for them it's just the way they express themselves and slowing down enough to connect with the way someone else needs to be connected with, not the way I always need to be connected with. So that's intentional at realizing oh yes, she is a two, you know, or she is a five, or she is a seven, like whatever someone is. Once you know how they're wired, the communication becomes so much easier.
Speaker 1:Totally yeah. Communication is one of the biggest improvements you can make in your relationships with any girl.
Speaker 2:I think that's the biggest improvement that my husband and I have made, even with a bunch of our kids that know what number they are. Not everyone has taken the test. That's the goal. I've got kids who still need to take the test or find out their number somehow, yeah, but I've seen that been something that's been really actually fantastic.
Speaker 1:Okay, so let's switch gears a little bit. Let's talk about your business and what you do for work. Start at the beginning of when you started your business. Start at the beginning of when you started your business.
Speaker 2:I started my business, I think, officially back in 2013. But I had been doing the thing before that. Let's just start with the fact that I have been married for over 30 years. I have managed a very busy home with a lot of activity. That's kind of like running a company. If you haven't thought about it, it's. You know all the things that you would have to do to run a company. You really have to do to run a family and manage that.
Speaker 2:We have six children and we were out of money. So that's the truth is, we didn't have enough money that we needed and my husband worked and we tossed the idea out of me finding a full time job. However, it didn't make sense because I had all of these young kids who needed their mom when school got out. So I talked to a friend of mine about this idea. I was like, you know, I heard about organizing, I wonder if I could make a business out of it and shout out to my friend, Pam, who we sat on her back porch one day and we were talking about this, and she was like, yeah, you should do that. And in a period of a couple months, a handful of people unbeknownst to each other, all said to me you should be an organizer, and I was like huh, I wonder what that would involve?
Speaker 1:And had you done that for anybody else up to that point?
Speaker 2:Not in a paid capacity, but I had just done that for different people, or in their bedrooms or in their kitchens, just because I like to do it.
Speaker 1:So if someone might open their pantry. I'd be like oh, can I organize that for you? And this is how many entrepreneurs decide to start their businesses is they're doing something for free for people, because they're just good at it. And then people are like people would actually pay you to do this Right, and that's what happened.
Speaker 2:So we decided to we me. My husband said sure, do it. So I hung out my shingle and I did a little research and there wasn't a lot of information in 2013. That's what I say. And I did a little research and there wasn't a lot of information in 2013. We did have the internet, but there is not the wealth of information and support for entrepreneurs and for women who want to have their own business as there is now. So I mean, that's great. If you want to start a business and you're really good at something, I just say, go do it.
Speaker 2:So I hung up my shingle and I went to my first job and I think I made a hundred dollars and I was ecstatic because we actually needed that desperately. So I started and I think my first year I made $5,000. It wasn't very much, but it was organizing for a year here and there and I didn't know how to market, and so I just, you know, tried to do the different things and went online and started speaking at the library and anybody who would bring me in I would talk about stuff, and then I started organizing homes. A few years later, interestingly, my same friend, pam, said to me one day hey, if you ever need help, I'll help you. And I was like, okay. So she came on as my first organizing assistant and she worked with me for several years and we worked together a lot and we really got a great rhythm going and it was really fun to do that with her. And then I have had a few more people, and also Elise does pick up some jobs with me here and there when it works out.
Speaker 2:So I did that for about 10 years in-home organizing and through that I listened to a lot of stories. I listened to women tell me why their house was the way it was and a lot of times people would call me and they would schedule our first session and I would get to the front door. They would open the door and say I almost called and canceled, they're embarrassed, they're frustrated, they don't want anybody to see what is inside their front door. So that was a really interesting opportunity to see inside of people and hear what they're saying. So just listening to what is frustrating people and how did they get to where they say I need to call somebody? And most people didn't want anybody else to know that they had called me because there was this idea of why can't, why can't you just keep your house organized? Why can't you keep it clean? Why can't you do it?
Speaker 1:yourself. Why do?
Speaker 2:you have to call someone and pay someone to do something that you should be doing, especially if that woman wasn't working outside the home. So I got a lot of really great insight on women. So I did that for a long time and then about three years ago, I really became interested in life coaching. Interested in life coaching. So I did a little bit of research surprise on courses and I really wanted a course that had a faith-based component to it, because that was really important to me. I didn't want to get caught up taking a course that, in life coaching, would take me down, something that made me uncomfortable, some weird eebie-jeebie stuff or something like that. Woo-woo, yeah. So I became a certified life coach last year and at the same time also remembered that I had started a course several years prior. That got put on the back burner. The documents were still in my Google Drive and I pulled that out and decided to see what it would be like to create a seven-week course on things I had learned about organizing and then married that with what I had learned about life coaching and bringing those two together is a beautiful thing to see how.
Speaker 2:What we think and what we feel is, most of the time, more important than the actual project that needs to be done in the home. For example, I was talking to a group of women and I asked a question so what is something that you want to get organized? Because the lesson that the weekly lesson was on home organization specifically. So everybody picked an area of their home that they wanted to focus on. And then my second question was well, how long have you had this as a goal? Uh-huh, I think one person said two or three years, and so everybody had you know, most of the women it was probably over a year that this was a quote unquote goal, which was really interesting, because then I said well, actually that isn't a goal, that's just a dream, because there's not been any action behind it.
Speaker 2:So then the life coaching component comes in, when we stop and do some exercises about what are your thoughts about that project, and things come up like I won't have time, it might be too hard, I don't know what to do. So there's a lot of self-sabotage that women have because they don't have time, it might be too hard, I don't know what to do. So there's a lot of self-sabotage that women have because they don't have answers to those questions so they don't take any action. So I've really pulled our thoughts and feelings into each of the components of organizing your life in a way that allows them to make head thoughts and decisions before actual action starts. Okay, because then you're more likely to follow through if there's a why behind it, versus just this room is a mess what do you want to use the room for and why and that gives a more emotional positive impact in that project.
Speaker 1:So Enneagram ones are very logical, and the way I'm hearing you talk about this is it's so logical like there's a whole process and you kind of you know you are good at looking at somebody who has been saying for three years, I want to get my storage room organized and hasn't done it, and you kind of reverse engineer it to OK, well, what's the why?
Speaker 1:Why haven't you done it? There's thoughts in your way, there's feelings in your way, it backwards inside themselves to figure out okay, well, there needs to be more changes, because just taking action on it obviously isn't working, because there's a reason you haven't taken action. One thing that ones are good at is ones see potential in things. We see mistakes and we see what's wrong, but that's because we're're seeing potential. We want to see things get better and we want to see things improve, and I'm hearing you talk about wanting to help women improve their lives and you see the potential and you could see a way to solve their problems. So so, okay, tell me more about um, kind of what's your focus with life coaching? Who are the, who are the clients you're wanting to work with? And, yeah, tell me more about that.
Speaker 2:My focus is midlife women who are in transition, and what that looks like is probably women who are 45 and you know, 45 to 65, who have raised children and their kids are starting to move out of the house. They're in high school, they're going to college, they're young adults, maybe it's somebody who is transitioning from raising their family to then helping their elderly parents. There's a transition there going from that to parents. Some people are downsizing as they're getting older. So there are real transitions that happen and women, I think, feel that in a more emotional, in a feeling way, regardless of what kind of Enneagram you are, men tend to continue working and doing their job. They're wired differently, which is totally fine. But when there is a big change that has to happen, it's hard and women end up with kids have moved out of the house and they have put a lot of time and energy into raising their children. Whether they worked in or outside of the home, there is a maternal instinct and a raising a family that takes a lot of mental and emotional energy. When those people are gone and that mental and emotional energy is there, where does it go? What do I do now? I don't have anybody to take care of. I don't have laundry to do.
Speaker 2:Women look around and ask themselves what is next for me? What do I do now? And so I think that is something that is a gap that we're not prepared for. Okay, nobody has told us. Okay, you know you get married, you have a family, but at some point we all know that kids will, you know, grow up. And I do know that because my youngest daughter uh, this week, actually this last Sunday she got married and she moved out, and she is the last of six to move out of the house. And we're in a house that is now has two people in it and empty bedrooms, and it's different. I've never had an empty house before you were born.
Speaker 2:So here I am, I'm 55 years old, and if I hadn't already invested some time and energy into coaching and organizing, which started as to fill a need that we had of a financial need but then became something that I really enjoy doing and learning about people and supporting women, then to take the next step and understand how life coaching impacts them, and learning about the Enneagram can then also help me with the life coaching and with understanding people and their motivations. So those core motivations can be a catalyst to push projects forward. So that's where my focus is Just women who are like what's next, what's for me? You know, what dreams and desires do you have?
Speaker 2:What have you always wanted to do but you never did? Because you never had the time or money. And you, as a mom or wife, whether or not you have kids, or just a person who is invested all your time in in a, in a job, the time that those little dreams that you had in the back of your head, that you never did, why not now, you know, like let's create the second half of your life in a way that is intentional and has a purpose and really allows you to grow and thrive.
Speaker 1:You've been talking about kind of your story of your business and how you've built your business and, as I'm here starting my Enneagram business, one thing I'm noticing comes up for me a lot as a one is the perfectionism and procrastination in terms of I don't want to release this into the world yet because it's not good enough or I don't. I feel like I need to like prove myself before I can expect anyone to take me seriously and all these things about like not feeling good enough. And I am curious how you've dealt with that the perfectionism and the procrastination in your business. And then what are ways that you've been able to strategize?
Speaker 2:I have not taken action as quickly as I should have on ideas that I've had. And why is that? I didn't have enough information. I didn't think it was perfect. I didn't think it was perfect.
Speaker 2:Who would take me seriously? Who is she that I should pay her to help me? Fill in the blank, you know, organize this or coach that. And I would say I'm pretty smart, like I know stuff, I know what I'm doing, I know what I'm doing, I know what I know and what I know I'm good at it. I know what I know and what I know, I'm good at it.
Speaker 2:So I have also stepped into my confidence of knowing that I'm good at what I do and I like it and I know that I can help people, which was different when I first started.
Speaker 2:I was still unsure of myself and what people would think about me, and I believe that I didn't move as fast because I sabotaged myself with the perfectionism. So the last couple of years with my coach, I have really started shedding a lot of that and I am more willing to, let's say, throw spaghetti at the wall, so to speak, in order to try something and do something. And I've decided if it doesn't work, ok, but if it does, fantastic, like I won't know if I don't try, yes, and I'm just over. I'm over myself. Um, and I don't really care what people think about me, and I don't mean that in a bad way, but I think when I turned I think, I know, when I turned 40 as a mom, I finally decided I'm done, I am not. I don't care what other people think about how I'm raising my family, how I'm raising my kids, how I'm parenting what I'm doing.
Speaker 2:When they were younger there was too much comparison between moms and stuff. It's exhausting. So if you're in that phase, nobody really cares I mean nobody really cares about you, and I don't mean that in a nasty way, but it's like we think more people are worried about what we're doing, paying attention to us than they really are. So figure out what you love to do and just try and do it.
Speaker 1:This feels like a good time to talk about the inner critic a little bit. I think a lot of people probably have already heard of the inner critic, but I'll just explain for ones. It's this extra critical voice inside of our heads that is can be judging us, can be criticizing us, it can be bullying us, it could be telling us it's not good enough, you need to make it better. And we're just very hard on ourselves and a lot of ones actually will say that it sounds to them like another entity is like talking inside their head, right, like it's not. It's not me Well, it is me, but it's. It's this extra critical voice that kind of comes up and I the the way that you're talking about the, especially the parts about how are other people going to see me? Like, are other people going to take me seriously and am I presenting something that's good enough, and are other people going to judge me?
Speaker 1:I think for once, this is extra hard, because we kind of project this idea that whatever the inner critic is saying to us, that's what everybody else is gonna see us as too. Like if I have an inner critic in my head saying oh, I noticed that one little mistake you made on that poster you made, and then I just assume, oh, everybody else is going to notice that too, which is just completely a lie because, like, literally, like you say, nobody else is paying as much attention to me as I am and my inner critic is always going to be it's bossy, it's bossy, and it and other people most likely are not even going to notice any of the things that our inner critics are bringing up. Do you agree?
Speaker 2:oh, I totally agree. I just want to say shut up, stop talking. But yeah, there's this constant um chattering in the back of my head that I can't explain it. It's like you said, it's not like a real voice, but it's explain it. It's like you said, it's not like a real voice, but it's constantly saying you didn't. You didn't do it right, you made a mistake.
Speaker 2:But through a couple of communities I'm involved in at this moment, I also have learned and have been embracing more that I'm valuable with who I am, not what I do, and that's a whole nother thing. That is learned Like. I have to learn that in a mental way and when I start to think about that, I can shift to no, wait a minute, it doesn't matter, it really doesn't matter. I have value with who I am. I heard somebody say this recently when a baby is born.
Speaker 2:They have value with just because they are who they are. They haven't done one thing, to quote, unquote earn value. They haven't even earned their keep. All they do is sleep and cry and take Right. So realizing that we can go back to, we just have value just by being who we are and just sitting with that and letting that be enough is something that all of why. You know the inner critic is criticizing me, but the motivations are what I mean. Why do I have to be perfect? Why does it have to be exact? Yeah, where's that coming from? So just realizing that it doesn't have to mean that's not true. I'm valuable whether I do it perfectly or not.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's really good advice for other ones also to start questioning, like why am I just assuming that I have to do it perfectly or not? Yeah, that's really good advice for other ones also to start questioning like why am I just assuming that I have to do it perfectly? Like where's that coming from? Why am I telling myself it's not good enough? Or why am I telling myself it has to be better? Like, what is the reason? Let's try to dig down to the roots, because sometimes the reason is just oh, I just feel compelled to do it better, but I can't really find any deeper reason and what we're getting down to is that is the core motivation of the enneagram one is we just feel like we need to do it better.
Speaker 2:Uh-huh, do it better, do it better, do it better, or there's a better way, or a faster way, or a like the shiny object. There's got to be one more thing out there. That's going to be just the answer I need, and sometimes there is.
Speaker 1:Sometimes there is the better way, and if there is, gosh darn it, we're going to find it, but it doesn't always exist. And also sometimes there is a better way and we don't have to follow it, like we don't always have to put our energy into making something better, when something can just be good enough.
Speaker 2:Solid B work. That's what I say Solid B work.
Speaker 1:Sometimes you can do solid B work. What does it feel like in the moments when, when you are genuinely proud of yourself?
Speaker 2:I get really excited inside and I tend to be an introvert, believe it or not.
Speaker 2:So people are surprised to find out that I am an introverted person because when they see me whether I'm coaching online or I'm on you, I'm on a Zoom call or working with clients I'm talking from a place of authority because I know my stuff. So I'm very comfortable with sharing what I know because I know it works and I believe I have good answers and good tips and tricks answers and good tips and tricks. And, as an introvert, people think I'm an extrovert because I am sharing things that I know. But if I'm in a situation where there's a lot of people and I know maybe one or two people, I will talk to those one or two people before I will venture out to somewhere else. There may be people who all know each other. I would not probably walk up to that group on my own because what if I say the wrong thing? What if I forget their name? You know? So it's easier in an unfamiliar situation to stay just and watch until I feel like it would make sense.
Speaker 1:I'm going to ask you this question and for everybody listening, if you have an Enneagram one in your life, you should ask them this question because it's really meaningful. And if they don't have an answer right away, give them time to think about it. But the question is right away, give them time to think about it. But the question is what is something?
Speaker 2:what is something that you are proud of? Recently, as I think about that, what am I proud of? I would say, as my children have become adults and learning how to step back is really hard and keep my mouth shut when I'm not asked for a solution, all the time has been hard for me to learn, and, tying that with understanding how my kids are wired, I would say I'm doing a pretty gosh darn good job at developing and being intentional with the relationship with my adult children. Now Then, it was feeling like managing a herd of wild animals to intentionally creating relationships that can connect and move forward, can connect and move forward. So that would be that on the family front is just really my husband and I talking a lot about the Enneagram and each other's reactions to things, and Elise mentioned that we're both in the gut triad, so he's an eight and I'm a one and we just come right at each other with things because we both are in the gut and there's a lot of explosions.
Speaker 2:It's full-bodied energy from those two types. Oh, it is. It is full-body energy. That doesn't mean things are being thrown around, don't take that wrong, but it is a lot of energy. But because we learned about each other. It really did almost a 180 in how we respond to each other, because we actually know that this is the way we're wired, not that we're intentionally trying to fight, and we have much better conversation. So, I think, being really proud of how we have been able to adapt and change and move forward with our relationships and our family, I'm really excited and proud of that. And then, as far as work goes, just trying some new things and I am updating my website and doing some rebranding and so a lot of that's taking some mental time and energy, but looking back at what I've done over the last 15 years and packaging it in a way that can really be helpful going forward, I'm really excited about this next phase.
Speaker 1:So we're getting close to the end of the episode. I want to take a minute for you to plug your course. You were talking about your course, so tell us a little bit about what it is, who it's for and what you guys are going to do in the course. So I know you've been working on creating a course. You've already run it a couple times and it's open. Well, when this episode releases, I think you'll already be in the middle of one of your next rounds, but you're planning on doing this quarterly. Is that correct?
Speaker 2:This is correct. The name of the program that I've been working on is called Chaos to Calm the Course. It covers five areas of managing your life, everything from time management, how to organize an area in your home with a strategy that works in all the areas of your home. What do I do with all the paper and information? How do I find what I need when I need it? All the piles of paper, and we do start every lesson with what do we think about it. So there's a lot of mental energy that is going into understanding what you think about the different areas of your life.
Speaker 1:Okay, so real quick. You were talking earlier today about my mindset, how you're kind of reverse engineering mindset, so you're basically saying that's how you're kind of starting. Each one of these units is the mindset about the area.
Speaker 2:Yes, that's awesome, not just the practical steps, but let's let's, you know, have win the mental game first and then do the work.
Speaker 2:Awesome, and then ending with accountability. Most people need, want, desire being in some sort of community, working together, having high fives, having encouragement, getting tips and ideas. So I believe that we as people, thrive in some sort of community. People like groups. So I really talk about what it's like to have a community and how somebody can continue organizing, managing their life in community, and I'm also going to open up a community under Organizing your Chaos. So, whether you actually take the course or not, you could join the community and each month we're going to be digging into a different area of your life and have a monthly lesson and some co-working sessions and some Q&A sessions to really hold you accountable but give you some good steps and ideas to manage your life in the different areas. Okay, awesome. And the course is I'm running a live round right now. I'm also tossing the idea around of having it as an evergreen course, but I'm still going to be running it live with me each quarter.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I do think there's a lot of appeal in the live version with you because, like, what I've seen is, like women like working with you, they like the back and forth and you're so good at giving those solutions and so this lot I mean the live version is going to be awesome for the women who, like, really don't know where to start and they just want your input and your feedback because, like a good one, you can see the potential and you can see solutions. So really to me, like from the outside looking in, that's the appeal of people wanting to work with you is you give them the action steps and you really help and encourage them when they didn't, when they're by themselves and they don't know where to start.
Speaker 2:I love it, I love the community. I really enjoy seeing the before and after of transformation. But even more than that in a physical space is how people look, how they talk, how they feel, how their face lights up, how their shoulders drop, how the stress just starts to disappear when they are gaining confidence as they're taking steps.
Speaker 1:And if people want to learn more about signing up for your course or working with you, where can they go?
Speaker 2:OrganizingYourChaoscom. It'll be in the show notes too. You can find me on Instagram, organizingyourchaos, facebook, organizing your Chaos, and I have a public Facebook group, organizing your Chaos, and I also have a community, and we will put that in the show notes for you, indeed.
Speaker 1:Okay, so let's end with this. What advice can you give to people who live with Enneagram 1s?
Speaker 2:The best advice I could give is please don't criticize Enneagram 1 in a way that makes them feel like it wasn't perfect and it wasn't right and they will feel like they failed. Wasn't perfect and it wasn't right and they will feel like they failed. And it's also in the way it said asking questions. Instead of asking questions of an Enneagram, one of what were their thoughts about doing it a certain way versus why did you do it like that? That right there would be. The biggest thing for me is to just ask a why question in a way that allows them to share the why, because, trust me, they want to tell you why they did it.
Speaker 1:Yeah and yeah, the fear of making mistakes is big. So if someone comes to me and is just accusing me of making a mistake, that's really triggering. But what do you think is a better way for someone to approach you? How would you want someone to approach you if there was something that needed to be talked about?
Speaker 2:I think I would want them to say hey, I saw that this was something that was happening. Can you tell me a little bit about that, like why did it happen that way, or what were your thoughts, or what were you thinking when? You were making that decision or making that way, or what were your thoughts or what were you thinking when you were making that decision or making that plan or strategy for something? Ask it out of curiosity, not out of accusation.
Speaker 1:That's really good and I would also add this goes for ones and twos. Actually, for ones and twos both. It really helpful to sandwich. If you've heard of the sandwich method. Start with something positive and then go into. You know the harder thing that needs to come up, because ones and twos both can be really sensitive about making mistakes and they they want to do things right to help people and we can take things personally. So it really could be helpful with your ones if you start by affirming them and reassuring them like our relationship is okay. And here are the good things you did. But also tell me more about this other thing that I'm not sure about.
Speaker 2:Well, thank you, thank you. Thank you for having me today. It's been really fun.
Speaker 1:I am excited to get you and dad on to do an episode about the 1-8 relationship. Oh, that'll be fun In the next couple months.
Speaker 2:we'll record that All right. I guess that means we have to come visit again. Yeah, you have to come.
Speaker 1:My parents live in Nashville, if you didn't catch that, and I'm in Indiana, so they have to drive seven hours to see me. We want to, we don't have to. You get to. We want to, we don't have to, you get to, we get to. All right, any last words for the ones Advice to the ones directly Own it.
Speaker 1:Own who you are and don't look at it as anything negative, but just realize that this is how God created you and just solve those problems. This episode was recorded using equipment provided to the public by the LaPorte County Public Library System. If you liked this episode, let me know. I'd love to hear from you. Tell me what other topics you'd love to hear covered on this podcast and, as always, you can find more content on my Instagram at Towards Eden Enneagram, as well as on Facebook Towards Eden Enneagram and my website, towardsedenenneagramcom. I hope you guys enjoyed this episode with my mom and I and learned some new things about Enneagram ones. We have found the Enneagram to be so helpful in our family discussions, and I'd love to hear if you guys have talked about the Enneagram with your family and what that's been like. Or I even love to hear like what is the breakdown of numbers in your family if you guys have gone that deep. So send me an email, elise, at TowardsEdenPennygramcom, and we'll see you on the next one.