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Towards Eden, an Enneagram Podcast
Welcome to Towards Eden Enneagram, a show where we dissect our Enneagram types so we can understand ourselves and have way better relationships.
The Enneagram is a tool that illuminates our motivations, our blind spots, and the differences between myself and others.
We can use it to see ourselves more clearly and to get healthier.
The Enneagram isn’t about what we do. It’s about WHY we do what we do.
Towards Eden, an Enneagram Podcast
#29 - Enneagram 101: What is an Enneagram 2? with Teacher Erin Parker
Enneagram Type Two Erin Parker joins me to tell us what it’s like to be an Enneagram 2!
Type 2 is known as “The Helper” or “The Supporter.” Twos are considerate, caring, and driven by a desire to help others to ensure that they themselves are loved.
Erin talks about the Type Two core fears of being unloved, rejected, or unworthy of love; the core desires of wanting to help, serve, and be indispensable to others; and the trouble Twos have with admitting their own needs.
Erin Parker is a high school English teacher in Northwest Indiana. She has appeared on Episode #2 (The Enneagram for Friendship), #6 (The Enneagram for Teachers), and #16 (The Compliant/Dependent Stance).
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The Enneagram is a tool that illuminates our motivations, our blind spots and the differences between ourselves and others. In this series we're exploring the question what is the Enneagram in the first place? The very first episode in this series gives an overview of the Enneagram system, so make sure you listen to that episode first. Here's the most important thing I want you to remember the Enneagram isn't about what we do. It's about why we do what we do. So today's episode is what is an Enneagram type 2? Here's what Ian Cron and Suzanne Stabile have to say about 2s Warm, caring and giving. They are motivated by a need to be loved and needed and to avoid acknowledging their own needs. Twos are in the heart triad and are driven by feelings. They focus outwardly on the feelings of others. As a heart triad type twos take in and relate to life from their heart and are more image conscious than other numbers. And now it's time to learn all about twos from my conversation with Erin Parker. Today's guest for talking about Enneagram twos is my friend Erin Hi. You might remember Erin from her teaching us about the Enneagram for teachers on a very early episode. Erin's a high school teacher here in Northwest Indiana and because Erin has a bestie that she learned about the Enneagram with named Crystal. Crystal also happens to be in the room with us.
Speaker 1:We just recorded the episode with Enneagram 6s with Crystal. It was awesome. Go, listen, if you haven't listened to that one yet. I don't know if you're the person who needs to go in order with the numbers or if you jump around, but if you're a jumper, go, jump to 6. Go, who needs to go in order with the numbers, or if you jump around, but if you're a jumper, go jump to six. Go, jump to six. And so now we're here to talk about Enneagram 2, coming to you live from LaPorte Indiana. Let's go. Thank you for being here.
Speaker 2:Erin, thank you for your time. Thanks for asking me. It's the summer, I've got way more time.
Speaker 1:Let's go, you can talk as long as you want. Teachers love the summer.
Speaker 2:I'm like a different human. I'm not the same person. Oh, that's awesome. You just see it in my eyes.
Speaker 1:So tell us a little more about what you do in life.
Speaker 2:And I already said where in the world we are. Yeah, well, we're in LaPorte, where I was born and raised, so orange and black all day long. I am a teacher. I just finished my 15th year, which doesn't quite feel like that is reality, but I teach high school English and journalism and I do the yearbook and newspaper, so I get all the classes the kids want to take. I'm really lucky in that respect. But I used to coach and I do not have kids. I am not married, so I'm I'm an aunt and best friend. Those are like my best roles. What's your aunt name? Auntie Erin, so cute, yeah, auntie Erin, auntie Erin.
Speaker 1:So we're here to talk about Enneagram type two.
Speaker 2:Okay, here we go Deep dive. Erin knows all about it. I've been living it. She's been living it Every day.
Speaker 1:All her life. I think I was born like. I came out. I was 100 percent of two type two we call the supporter. Ok, there's some other nicknames, but we'll just start with the supporter Enneagram twos. Their core desire is they want to feel loved. They want to know that they're appreciated and wanted, appreciated. They want to know that they're appreciated and wanted, appreciated, wanted, loved these are the key words for twos. And the fear then is the fear is of being unloved, being rejected. They fear being unwanted or unworthy of love.
Speaker 2:Erin's laughing because she's probably already uncomfortable with this hitting deep in her soul. Yes, and how many times I've used it in conversation with my best friend, crystal, who's here. So, yeah, I and I'm sure it shows up differently in all the twos, but there is this massive drive in a two to suppress our own feelings, suppress our wants, suppress our needs. Because if we're in tuned with the other people in the room, the people we care about, the people we want to love us, and we meet their needs and we're helpful and we're kind and we're happy and we're the light in the room, then they'll want us around. And if we're not that, then we're going to be expelled from the room where we're not going to be wanted around. We're not going to be called to come over, you name it. They won't love us.
Speaker 2:We hang a lot of. It's probably way too heavy of a weight to hang on ourselves, but I catch myself doing that a lot. Perfect description, yeah, and that would also for all the listeners. Please understand that there are different levels of like health in that. Yeah, so we're not always like on the floor begging for people to love us. It's not always like that, but deep down we're scared if we do something wrong or we're not good enough or we don't meet your needs or we're not helpful enough or we're not supportive enough, then you're not going to want to surround.
Speaker 1:I was listening to an Enneagram talk a couple weeks ago and there was a teacher who used this term autopilot type. So they were talking through the types and they were saying, oh, your autopilot type is type two. So I think that's a good distinction of like, yeah, this is type two. So I think that's a good distinction of like, yeah, this is the default. When we're on autopilot, there are these driving motivators that are spurring us on, but of course, we can learn to be aware of those things and move outside of like the box that that would put us in.
Speaker 2:Yes, I totally agree with that and I think as I've gotten older yes, I totally agree with that, and I think as I've gotten older, I've tried to be more self-aware in that respect and it's allowed me to be more boundaried. And not that I've cut my circle because I don't love the people I love, but it's too much for me if I have a huge circle because I'm trying to people please and do all this extra stuff. That's just, it's not healthy for me. You feel like you need to?
Speaker 1:give like enough effort to every relationship.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and that's too much, it's exhausting and it's not being authentic. Then I'm disappointed in myself because I'm 38 now and I can look back and see that so many times I was just people pleasing.
Speaker 1:Wow, so that's really good. Yeah, listeners at home, can you guess which of the three triads twos are a part of? Based on what you've heard from Aaron so far Head, heart or gut, correct?
Speaker 2:The heart triad.
Speaker 1:So twos lead with feelings. Oh yes, feelings come first in decision making and, erin, is it usually your own feelings or other people's feelings?
Speaker 2:Usually I'm concerned with other people's feelings first, I'll feel mine when I'm concerned with other people's feelings first I'll feel mine when I'm like alone, and then it gets kind of dark and like sad, or I mean it doesn't always, but like I'm very, very, very, very concerned with you. Know, in my job I want to know how all 24 bodies in the room Are you OK? Like do you have what you need? Are you supported? How are you okay? Like do you have what you need? Are you supported? Um, how are you doing academically?
Speaker 2:So it's like every day, every room, I walk into family friends. I'm constantly scanning and trying to pick up cues on how they're feeling, and then I can adjust my behavior or try to to see where I can go and help to make sure I'm being the person that they need, which I have somehow created myself. Like I think I know what they need. So then mine are there. I'm definitely a feeler. When Crystal and I go on walks, it's often funny. She'll be like I think and I say I feel, and we've noticed that. And I was like well, if that's not perfect, I rarely will be like I think and I say I feel, and we've noticed that. And I was like well, if that's not perfect, I rarely will say I think it's usually I feel yeah but I it's.
Speaker 2:We were talking, we were doing a hot seat questions today. It's some weird bestie thing we do that I absolutely adore. But, um, one of the questions is like what's the strength that people don't realize you have? And I think that twos are actually like we're. We're very smart too. We just often will keep our own thoughts to ourself and let other people step up and lead. Okay, um, and we have a lot of good, but we don't often throw them out. But there's a lot going on in our brain and we are smart. It's just sometimes the thinking gets there a little bit later. It's like the caboose. Yeah, yeah, the caboose.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so type two. How did you get there in the first place? How did you know that you are an Enneagram type 2?
Speaker 2:started with Myers-Briggs. I thought that was pretty cool, great yeah. And then I think when I took a Myers-Briggs test, the Enneagram kept coming up and this was probably like seven, eight, nine years ago, I can't quite remember at this point. So I took the test the Beth McCord one and it came back 100 percent a two. Oh funny.
Speaker 1:Yeah, 100 percent, no question, yeah. And.
Speaker 2:I was like, ok, that that's kind of wild. And as I was reading I was like, well, that that's me, it's me in a nutshell, if no doubts none. Now I've got some other really strong numbers that, like, both of my wings were really high and the nine was a high number but nothing was close to a two.
Speaker 1:And again, like you'll hear in crystal's episode, the core fear, um, because I was like, okay, well, the nine's in the 90, the three's in the 95, so I looked at those, but when it comes to if I depict the fear, it's being unlovable and unwanted for sure usually not ever like an instant thing that people realize, like this takes work of reflection and learning and thinking and it's kind of like excavating layers, excavating layers of your behavior and your reactions and your thoughts and feelings, until you get down to this low level of, oh, like that really is my core fear.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I really actually am afraid that people are going to find me unlovable, but it's not that we can just easily be in touch with that core fear. So so you know, we're in this series. I'm talking. I'm talking to people who have done years of exploring their type and years of doing work to to get to the core fear. So I think sometimes people who are new to the Enneagram will will kind of read all the core fears and maybe not like relate to any of the core fears so much right away. But once you get down there it's like, oh yeah, this is so obvious, Like, of course, and you start seeing it everywhere, Right, yeah?
Speaker 2:I think you have to sit with it for a while, right? And usually when something rough in your life happens, then that's kind of a good time to be. Like, what is it? Oh yeah, because when things are fine, it's not really there's really nothing to fear, right? But, man, that fear is loud and that's usually what presents itself to others, um, and to yourself. So that's what I see when I'm, when things are not going well, when I'm struggling, I will then like overcompensate with helping or supporting or doing to try to earn that love. Yeah, because I am terrified of losing the people I love the most.
Speaker 1:And now do you remember from your first, your first couple weeks of reading about the types? Do you remember anything specific about the two that that really stood out to you right away?
Speaker 2:They. It was something about being super intuitive and walking into the room and like scanning people and having this ability to predict, like what they needed or being like the social butterfly can easily connect with people, then that's me. Like I will I don't know a stranger put me in a room, I will connect with as many people as I can and I will have like the deepest conversations within five minutes and I'll know their background. I I'll know about their family, but I genuinely care. Yes, so that led. That was something. And then the intuitive, like reading people. I really try to watch to see, like, what can I do to help somebody to take a load off of them? So if, like, I'm always at her house, if I see her cutting, I quickly will grab the trash can and put it right next to her so that she doesn't even have to turn around and reach. So it's just trying to do that so people feel seen, loved and supported, because that's the way that I show it is trying to really pay attention to people.
Speaker 1:I like that you use the term scanning scanning the room. I like that you use the term scanning scanning the room. And even before we talked about this specific thing, like 10 minutes, agoneagram 8 can scan the room to discern, okay, who's got the power here or who's in charge. An Enneagram 6 might scan the room to say where's the possible danger, where's the exits if I need exits, and things like that.
Speaker 2:And then you know you as a 2, you're scanning the room and you're attuned to other people, and then my needs are not even in the backseat. They're like being pulled behind the car In a trailer. Yeah, they're not even in the car and then that's where I have to really check myself and I think most twos probably can relate and I think it gets easier as you get older. Yeah, so probably can relate and I think it gets easier as you get older.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so do you relate to this? Some Enneagram twos will talk about how they spend so much effort and time being attuned to others and meeting other people's needs and then but then they need something and no, nobody's coming to help and nobody is meeting their needs. And then there could be a resentment building of like why am I spending all this time taking care of everyone else and why is nobody taking care of me?
Speaker 2:um, I would say I would be shocked if all twos haven't felt that at some point. But again, I think when I was younger that was more prevalent, okay, but as I've gotten older I've realized that not everybody has that intuitive right. Like we're not good at speaking our needs, so it can't. It's not everybody, it's not somebody else's fault that I can't just say I need help or this isn't happening and I need somebody. It's very difficult for us to ask for help because that's what we're supposed to do, and so we're. If you're helping us, then what are? What are we good for? So?
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's great. Yeah, let's go back to the core fear and core desire. Okay, I'm going to read them and I'd love if you could, if any stories come to mind, if you could share a couple of stories that um sure come to mind, if you could share a couple stories that um sure that uh go with the fear and the desire. So the core desire of Enneagram 2 is to feel loved, uh, to be appreciated and wanted to know that people appreciate and and want you and love you.
Speaker 2:If you go into my classroom, I'll probably give you a couple stories for this. If you go into my classroom, on my one of my shelves, if you pull it open, there are three or four hanging file folders that are filled with every single note a kid has ever given me in 15 years. Oh, I love that. Yeah, and so I have a tradition of, before every school year starts, I'll pull them all out and I'll write them just to remind myself of, like, how important the job is, how much I love them. And then that it's you, because sometimes you can get burnout and it reminds you that you've got to keep showing up that same way because it's making a difference.
Speaker 2:Same thing with my bestie over here. I've kept everything she's ever written me and it's those. I'm a quality time, words of affirmation person too, but to feel for someone, to show me love, and to feel that love, it's overwhelming in the best possible way, because that's all we want, but to be loved for, like, exactly who we are. So those notes from those kids, when I didn't even know I was doing it because I wasn't acting, I was just being myself, I was just being a teacher. I was just loving them, I was just supporting them, and then to hear that it made a difference is like gold that's precious.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I just love that you. You you've kept them and you have a special sacred place where they live yeah, come on in j12, you can read them, j12 uh, okay, the core fear of deuce being unloved, rejected, unwanted. How do those show up for you?
Speaker 2:I think the earliest one was you know, my parents were divorced when I was nine months and my dad had physical custody. My parents had joint custody. But seeing and if my mom listens to this, I know you love me seeing, and if my mom listens to this, I know you love me um, but seeing my mom, she kept moving further and further away. Actually it's farther, not further, um, farther away.
Speaker 2:And I think as a little girl it was in my mind of I must not be lovable, I must not be worthy of love, because if, if I was, she would be here, because it's my mom, your mom's supposed to be here. And again, my mom is wonderful, she's lovely. It is not a reflection on her, it's the way that my brain took it. So I think ever since, at a young age, it was okay, clearly I'm not lovable, clearly I'm not worthy of it. So I've got to, I've got to do extra, I've got to be the best student, the nicest student, the most helpful student, the best daughter, the best granddaughter, best athlete, so that I'm, I'm worthy. So that was deep Thank you for being transparent with that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah. That's a good example of how we, as our Enneagram types, are forming. Those wounds from the childhood. Yeah and the messaging. You know it's how we interpret, right, our children interpret.
Speaker 2:don't always interpret what's happening as how it was intended, but nevertheless, my parents love me deeply, yeah, so it just kind of wired me that way, and then I've just that autopilot kind of kicked in, like you mentioned, and then I've just been hustling for love ever since.
Speaker 1:So this happens to all of us. A lot of Enneagram teachers will call this like survival strategies. Oh yeah, like as a kid, we'll. We'll get a message, some kind of message, be it accurate or not, and then we feel like we have to develop a survival strategy, and that's one way of looking at the nine Enneagram types is the survival strategies we develop. So Enneagram one will develop a survival strategy of trying to be as perfect as possible, don't make any mistakes. And then now you're sharing about the Enneagram 2 survival strategy, which is be the most helpful, the most loving, caring person in any relationship, so that you can secure that love.
Speaker 2:And having literally working to have no needs needs like don't be a burden on anybody. Oh, that's good, because then you're easy to have around, because no one has to do extra. Like, I'll take care of that. No, I don't need anything. No, you don't need to bring me anything. No, I'm, no, no, no, I'm not hungry. No, I'm. I'm not thirsty yeah it's.
Speaker 2:It's wild when it's on, when it's not healthy, it's wild. So we're really grateful when we do find that genuine, authentic love and we can be ourselves because it's like a big exhale can you say more about that, about like a time you found that and had a metaphorical exhale?
Speaker 2:well, I I mean again whether or not she's in the room but my best friend, because we've done the work with the Enneagram and really have learned and listened to each other talk about it. She can read me like a book, she knows when I'm stressed, she can see it in my eyes and so's just this. She'll say like, let me help you. Like today there was an example. She was like, just let me help you, let me come alongside you, let me support you. You don't have to do anything else, I love you just the way you are and you you can like literally feel me exhale. And then she gave me a hug and she was there. You go.
Speaker 2:Because my shoulders just went down, because it just I get so tensed up and there's so much anxiety inside to try to to do and be and exceed, and. But when somebody sees you and you don't have to do extra, when I can sit on a couch with somebody and watch TV or I can not have to do extra, I don't feel like I have to run around a room, yes, and do different things. It's so nice just to be known and I can be quiet Most of the time. People get really uncomfortable when I'm quiet, oh wow, so I don't be.
Speaker 1:I'm just always like talking and energetic, like people think there's something wrong if you're quiet, yeah, yeah, and you're like, hey, I'm resting, this is great and actually I'm kind of a quiet person oh wow, yeah, but everybody would like.
Speaker 2:No, she's not.
Speaker 1:She's totally extroverted, which I am but I'm also reserved too okay, so I'm kind of circling back to the triads. Right, we've got the head, the heart and the gut. In other words, the head triad is associated with thinking, the heart triad with feeling and the gut triad with action or with doing. I've heard this. Uh, enneagram twos do their feelings. Oh yes, can you talk?
Speaker 2:about that.
Speaker 2:Almost every single thing I do. If I or if I see somebody and they're sad, I immediately like the first thing I feel is like sadness, empathy, and I rush to their side to support. Yes, I don't often think or something bad happens. I feel something and then I react. I never think about like was that a logical thing to do? This is a really weird story. I was, please go on. Because now I think about it, I'm like I don't know how this didn't end up like in a bad way. But I was driving to Valpo end up like in a bad way.
Speaker 2:But I was driving to Valpo and, as a teacher, you know, I see this little kid playing basketball and his basketball stuck in the hoop over at Washington Township and I'm like, oh no, so I pull off the side, I pull into the parking lot he's probably eight. I'm like you're OK, like I'm not going to do anything to you, and I get out my shoe and I'm just like chucking it up to try to knock this ball down. And I got it and I was like OK, well, you know, like have a good day. And then I got in my car and I drove away, but like thinking and Crystal said this to me a lot, because I talk to kids a lot, because I just that's, I'm like, oh, I get excited.
Speaker 2:I like, oh, that probably wasn't a good idea, like that I could have scared the kid or you know, because not everybody's safe. And I was like, oh, I didn't even think I should have thought about that before. I or I'll just go up and talk to random people I like, and I I don't think about like the safety aspect of it, because I just want to connect and I'm like like, oh, this is fun, that person looks great, so for sure the feeling hits and then I just I move towards it. So that was a good example. But if your kid has his basketball stuck, I'm going to help him. I mean, nobody else was helping him, yeah.
Speaker 1:It was good.
Speaker 2:One shot with my shoe Bam, then back on my way out with my shoe, bam, then back on my way.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it was like you. Just I can picture it. You're driving, you get a glimpse of his predicament and the empathy kicks in immediately.
Speaker 2:What is this kid gonna do? He was not tall at all. He's not gonna get this ball down, so yeah, funny, it's a pretty good story.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's me, and the enneagram six would have been like liability safety.
Speaker 2:She's always like wrong she always, when I stop and talk to a kid, she goes I don't talk to kids like it's like stranger danger, like you, gotta, their parents might not like that. And I'm like, oh, I didn't think about that, like I, it doesn't even, it does not cross my mind. Yeah, it's, it's a person.
Speaker 1:Oh, I want to go talk to that person Feelings, baby, yeah, connection Relationships, that's the first thing. Yeah, to see their world in terms of relationships, yeah. So speaking of, oh, that's so funny. My next bullet point is relationships. Good segue, speaking of relationships, what are some of your top values and relationships and how do those connect with your enneagram?
Speaker 2:type two, I, I would say trust is a really big thing for two. Well, for me anyway, because in order for me to become that authentic person that I want, to be in my healthiest state, it takes a lot of trust building. Yeah, and that is not easy because I'm difficult. I don't let people in easily, I don't, I keep everybody at a distance, but I let them tell me everything about them. Do you think other people would be surprised to to hear that?
Speaker 2:I think most people think they know me really really well because I am friends with everybody and personable. Yeah, but I think if people really thought about it and I put like just certain things on social media, just enough, so you, everyone thinks they know me, sure, but people really don't know my story because I'm scared to like tell everybody everything, because then are you still going to like me, we're still going to be friends. So I would say trust is huge. I would say what's another really loyalty to and I know that's the sixth number but are you going to show up for me the way that I show up for you? Yeah, because if not, that's going to hurt. It's going to show up for me the way that I show up for you? Yeah, because if not, that's going to hurt. It's going to hurt me a lot if I'm constantly alone when I'm in struggle.
Speaker 1:Do you ever find ways to put people to the test, to find that out if people are going to be loyal back to you? Or does it just come through?
Speaker 2:experience I would say when I was younger I did that a lot. Again, I think age and experience helps you grow up a lot, because that's not healthy. But I would say, yes, my early 20s, late 20s, teen years, there's constant like okay, are you going to show up, are you going to do this? And if it didn't happen, I knew I would compartmentalize people, Like everybody had like a different rung of friendship. So if I could move you closer, like I know I can count on you, then you moved into like a closer layer of friendship Otherwise, but it didn't. I guess it means like I'm willing to help all the layers, but you won't get to know me as well if you're further out. Does that make sense? Yeah, yeah, it's a really good analogy. So I'll help all my friends. I'm there, but I'm too scared to let you see the darker parts of me unless you're in the close.
Speaker 1:The categorization is interesting. Yeah, and yeah, I like how you're describing that. A lot of times, what people see of twos is the warm, effusive friendliness. But you're explaining like, look, that doesn't mean you know me, you don't know me it doesn't mean you know me, know me, you don't know me doesn't mean you know me well and it's genuine.
Speaker 2:Like I get sad when I read things about twos that are like that were manipulative or that were fake or phony. Like we are genuinely loving people, like we are wired to love you, to support you, to show up for you, to take care of you. That is who we are, um, but sometimes, like we need people in our lives, our closest people, to be. Like you can stop now, go sit down. Like let me bring you diet coke and some gluten-free pretzels and you're okay, because we have to be reminded, otherwise we'll just keep doing it I have a sister who's enneagram too.
Speaker 1:She is currently very pregnant and I got to visit my family in Tennessee last week and she fell and twisted her ankle and then she was on crutches. So she's kind of like incapacitated, doubly right, like she's pregnant, so she's limited, and then she twists her ankle so she can barely move around her apartment. She's crawling out of her skin. Oh yeah, no, she hates it and my mom and I went over and basically helped by like cleaning up her apartment and she was really grateful. But I think for her, you know, she wouldn't always, she wouldn't always want to accept that help, but it kind of takes like something really knocking her down where she wouldn't always she wouldn't always want to accept that help, but it kind of takes like something really knocking her down where she's so limited to be like, okay, yeah, you guys can but we want that.
Speaker 2:We want to be taken care of too, like deep down. We want other people to love us enough to to keep even pressing you know, don't, don't relent if they might say no at first. We're definitely going to say no at first because we don't want to be a burden on you. It's not that we're trying to manipulate you, we just don't want to be a burden.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And so when you're like, no, guess what, it's a two way street. That's a nice reminder for us that we've got to let people help us as well I actually think I've heard my sister say that exact phrase.
Speaker 1:I don't want to be a burden I don't want to burden you guys.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, like I want to be taken care of, but I, I don't want you to see me as a burden I forget what those, those, uh, that application on the computer the words that you use the most, and it becomes bigger and bigger and bigger. Oh, like a word cloud. Yes, thank you, burden would be large on words that we use, for sure.
Speaker 1:Ooh, word clouds of Enneagram types. I'd like to see that. I wonder if anybody's done. Excuse me, I wonder if anybody's compiled any of those. That'd be interesting, it could be you. Yeah, that could be my thing. The word cloud girl. That could be our thing. Any other top values you want to talk about in relationships?
Speaker 2:I would say compassion, love, because it's so important for us to give but also to receive, to help us be our best selves, to unlock that healthy part of ourselves that can tap into the four, that can feel our feelings, can talk about it. I think the last we just became friends for four years, the last on Monday oh, congrats, yeah. But I think in that four years I've been able to become the healthiest version of myself because the compassion and empathy that I've been shown and the I don't care what it looks like, how it comes out, just tell me what you're feeling, tell me what you're thinking. How can I support you? And so, like forcing the twos in your life who you love, make them tell you what's going on, make them talk and it might take a while.
Speaker 2:There might be a lot of tears, there might be some thrashing, because we're trying to figure it out too, because oftentimes we don't know what we're feeling, we don't know how to process it, because we're not used to checking in with ourselves.
Speaker 1:We're constantly checking in with others and I'll say um, this is coming to mind my same sister that I'm talking about. If she, when she calls me and literally says, like maybe she's crying or maybe she's on the verge of tears and she's like something's wrong, I just need to talk about this, like that makes me feel really loved, like oh, she trusts me enough to to to call me and and it's not like she she doesn't usually like want the fixing, but it's like I know I need you to hear like something is wrong and I need to to verbally process it twos are.
Speaker 2:That's really big. For twos is to we need to verbally process everything and be heard. We don't want you to fix it, because we can do that, but for somebody to listen to us, to hear our stories, that we're trying to be vulnerable and share, which is very difficult for us when it's not something super positive and fluffy, yeah. So if you have a two and they call you with something, yeah, that means you are like, you're their person.
Speaker 1:They trust you it's kind of counterintuitive in a way too, because you have the fear that if I open up and share too much, I might be rejected.
Speaker 2:But in reality what actually might happen is that person feels really loved and you made them feel loved and valued by being transparent every time I've been open and honest with her, she tells me that exact thing Like I'm so proud of you, I'm so grateful you told me Like. I love you even more for telling me Like, so that big sister, like she's my big sister for sure.
Speaker 1:Let's talk about nicknames. So we've got these nicknames for Enneagram twos. Everybody in the Enneagram world likes to have their own nicknames, so we've got these nicknames for Enneagram twos. Everybody in the Enneagram world likes to have their own nicknames for things, so we're going to I'm going to read these and you can tell me what you think of them. Ok, here they are the supportive advisor Ding ding.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 2:The giver yes. The helper For sure. The host slash hostess OK, but I don't like this one. Okay, all right, but I think other twos are that person who, like, opens up their house and is like, come here, I'll make the cookies, I'll bring you the food.
Speaker 2:I have so much anxiety when anybody is in my space because I feel like I have to kick up my doing to another level, and it's overwhelming because I can't sit down and relax. Oh, yeah, Ever. And I'm just like what do you need? Can I get this? Because I'm the only one who knows where it's at. Yeah, so I'm like okay, okay, okay. And it's like I, I can see how twos are fantastic. I know a lot of twos and, yeah, that's them. But for me, I will go help anybody, I will stay late and clean, whatever. Yeah, but like, no supportive advisor is like myself as a teacher. Oh, yeah, for sure, absolutely. Giver yes, like I love giving people gifts and time and compliments and words of affirmation, I will always come help. People know that. So that's why I usually get the call, but that's the only one I'm struggling with. So nice Kudos to the twos who are good at it, because that is not my jam.
Speaker 1:Kudos to the twos who are good at it, because that is not my jam. Yeah, different twos are going to relate to different ones.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, so they can just call the other twos. They need somebody to host. It's not me, nope.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Like my friend Ariel would, would relate to hostess as a two, because she loves having people to her house and like doing hospitality in a like a in my home way. Yeah, I'm amazed, I love it. I just I can't. I get the anxiety just ramps up to another level and I look like the anxiety character from inside out too. Oh, what color is that one? It's like the orange one.
Speaker 1:Oh, yeah, just like so now we move to the book the road back to you by ian cron, and I do believe that this book you did read this book early on in your enneagram journey, correct?
Speaker 2:yes, it kind of traumatized me, but in a good way. Oh no, just the first story of the lady buying the pastor a car.
Speaker 1:Yeah, there's a pretty severe story about twos. I was like man.
Speaker 2:We're not. This is not good. This is not painting us in a good light.
Speaker 1:We're going to read some of these items from the list what it's like to be a two and yeah, just. However you want to respond to these, I'll probably have a lot to say. So these lists are at the end of every chapter in this book, there's a list of what it's like to be this number, and it can be helpful to identify what numbers you relate to the most. So here's the list. When it comes to taking care of others, I don't know how or when to say no.
Speaker 2:For sure. There's usually not like a mountain I won't climb and then I'm exhausted. So again, with age and experience. So all of your young listeners, there is hope you will eventually do it less. But if I love you, you it's very rare that you'll get to know. So that was rough on me professionally because I was like go in early, stay late, go to everything, oh yeah, and then I was.
Speaker 1:It was just too much, it's too much I am a great listener and I remember the stories that make up people's lives 100.
Speaker 2:I probably will know more about them than they do. I will remember your birthday. I will know about your second cousin who came to your party, like yeah, just because I'm fascinated by people and their stories. Yeah, and I think that's how people feel cared about and feel loved. It's when you remember the little things, oh that's good.
Speaker 1:That is true for so many people, yeah, okay, number three I am anxious to oh, oh, I'm. I'm like feeling this one before I even finish reading it. I'm anxious to overcome misunderstandings in a relationship.
Speaker 2:The very second, it happens, I can't.
Speaker 2:If there's a problem and I need to talk about it, I need to fix it that moment because my mind will spin and so, like I had, a friend before my 20s, would give me the silent treatment, sometimes for days. And I'm trying to solve it no response, nothing, and that just it wrecks me. So I need to talk about it because I want to take ownership for what I did. I want to fix it. How do we get past this? What do I need to change or tweak or what? What can I do to be better? But no, like I need.
Speaker 1:I need it resolved yeah, I feel panicky personally when I read that one yeah overcome misunderstandings, okay.
Speaker 2:Next, I feel drawn to influential or powerful people very much so really yeah, I think that's part of my wing three too, uh-huh, but especially when I was younger in my career, like I would walk up the first day and I'm like the superintendent. I'm like, hey, I'm here and what can I do for you? These are my skills. Wow, weird. Liz Gilbert, author. So I don't like are out of my league. And I'm like, oh, brene Brown, yeah, hey, yeah, you met her and I was like, hey, I want to come work for you and I want to do this. Like it's just the. I have no idea why, but I am I. Yeah, that is so interesting. Yeah, I'm like we can be friends. Why can't?
Speaker 2:we be friends, I can help them, I can make their life easier, and then they'll want me around. Man, that's a good networking skill.
Speaker 1:It can be until it gets too much, until you, how did it, how did it say I don't know, until you don't know how or when to say no, yeah, yeah, okay. People think I'm psychic because I usually know what other people need or want. Yeah, people say that a lot.
Speaker 2:I usually know what other people need or want. Yeah, people say that a lot. They get like they look at me kind of weird. Huh. Yeah, they're like how'd you know that? And I'm like I don't know. I'm just paying attention, I'm just, it's just my superpower?
Speaker 1:Yeah, no big deal. Even people I don't know well share deep stuff about their lives with me.
Speaker 2:Yes, I have a friend at work who says I think it's your eyes, because we'll just be walking down the hall. I'm like, hey, how you doing, and then everything, or kids or I'm like I've had kids I have never had in class will just come in and just tell me everything. I'm like, okay, okay, okay. So she's like you have kind eyes, like your face is nice, like they know you'll listen. So, yeah, that has happened to me like all my life. So you just listen. Yeah, thanks for telling me, thanks, hope it gets better. And then you check in and remember, if you can, yeah, yeah, that's a good one yeah.
Speaker 2:It seems like people who love me should already know what I need. I don't want to say yes, but it's a yes. Sometimes that's where the unhealthy part of the two comes out. You're like I know everything you need. Can you not pay attention to what I need or what I want? Or can't you see that I'm struggling or hurting? Yeah, so that's an unhealthy part of the two. I'm not proud of that one, but yeah.
Speaker 1:I need to be acknowledged and appreciated for my contributions.
Speaker 2:Less in my older age, younger. Yes, it meant a lot, and even just a thank you. I don't want to parade, I don't want to be blasted across social media.
Speaker 1:That's not necessary.
Speaker 2:But if I've gone above and beyond, it's really nice just to thank you. That meant a lot. The acknowledgement, a text, yeah, yeah, I don't, you don't send card, you don't have to do anything, but just like that was really cool that you showed up and you helped me with that or you did that. Thank you. That's. I'm over the moon.
Speaker 2:Does it hurt you if, if you don't get an acknowledgement sometimes I think for people I care, like really care about, yeah, people I don't really know well or not that I don't care about people, but like I don't have strong feelings for it doesn't really affect me. But if I care about you, a thank you is so, it's so wonderful, so Next, I'm more comfortable giving than receiving A hundred percent, 100.
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh. I, my lovely friend next to me. We've had a couple talks about you need to let me reciprocate because I'm it's just. I get very uncomfortable because I don't feel like I deserve it. Oh yeah, it's like no, you're already my friend, like that's my gift, like you don't have to do any more.
Speaker 1:So yeah, yeah I think we've heard that theme too throughout this whole episode, as you, as you've been talking um yeah, more comfortable giving than receiving. It can be anything. It can be with help. It can be with you know sharing things about your life or whatever.
Speaker 2:Whatever the thing is, yes, yes, yes yes, and number 10 I like my home to feel like a safe and welcoming place for family and others well, fun fact, we've been friends for four years and she's never been in my apartment oh, wow never I'm, I just always go, so like it's just the place for me and I don't know if that's maybe it's just because that's my only place, that's just for you, that like I don't have to, I don't have to do anything for anyone else. Yeah, yeah, I could see that it's wildly bizarre. I mean now my, if, I guess, if I turn this to my classroom, yes, like I want my classroom for every kid in that building, whether they have me or not, to know that they can come in there, they can sit, they can talk to me. There's a little corner in the back with some chairs and like a comfy spot. Like go sit back there, go chat, like, yeah, so classroom.
Speaker 1:Yes, yeah, spot like go, sit back there, go chat, like yeah, so classroom, yes, yeah, so I'll read it again with that. I like my classroom to feel like a safe and welcoming place for students and others.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I want every kid to feel like they belong in my classroom and then that it can be. That's one of the nicest things that I read on those cards is that j12 was my like, felt like home. Oh then that is that's it.
Speaker 1:Right, there, beautiful so, erin, yeah, as we have reached the bottom of the prepared script, yeah, now is a time for you to share if there's anything else you want people to know about. Twos, anything on your mind or your heart that you want to talk about.
Speaker 2:I think it's just to like press a little harder if you have a two in your life, because we'll always default to I'm fine, I don't need that, no, it's OK. Default to I'm fine, I don't need that, no, it's okay. But I think we just we need to know that we're not too much, that we're not a burden, that we, that you will love us regardless. And if, if you show that like no, this is important to me to know how you're feeling, to know what you're thinking, to know what's going on, then that helps us kind of let go of those shackles, that kind of keep us in the that helper only focus on you mindset and allows us to kind of like step into that four and let ourselves shine. So I would just keep asking twos and like make them, let you help them because, like we secretly we secretly, truly want help.
Speaker 2:We truly want help and we just want to be loved well, this has been enneagram to high school english teacher erin.
Speaker 1:Thank you so much for your time, um. This has been an awesome conversation.
Speaker 2:I had so much fun. You're awesome, thanks, thanks. No, you're awesome. We can just go back and forth all day long.
Speaker 1:No, you're awesome.
Speaker 2:I'm not sure if you can out-compliment it too, but we can go for it All right, we're going to end it then, okay. Bye, bye.
