Sorry But Arizona Is Hotter Than Africa. And I Know She Peeked.

The dreadful reality of the awkward world of prostate exams and beard growth struggles. If you've ever found yourself pondering the itchiness of a fledgling beard or the sheer awkwardness of a clinical full frontal during a prostate exam, you're in for the update. We bring a comedic twist to these universally cringe-worthy experiences, contemplating the need for a digital alternative and the peculiar discomforts faced by both patients and young professionals in the exam room. We wrap up with a nod to Neil Diamond's lyrics and an ongoing fascination with facial hair—all served with a generous dollop of humor and personal stories. Join us for an episode that promises more than a few chuckles and perhaps a new appreciation for the quirks of life in Arizona. 

Transcript

Arizona Snowbirds and the ensuing irritations

Blade 0:00

Well , really , there are four things . Four things . Number one they clog up the roads . Traffic is out of this world . Let's see if you can get it before I finish . Number two they empty all the grocery stores . Excuse me , both of the grocery stores . Number three they take up all the tea times All gone . Number four they drive up the cost of housing .

Blade 0:29

I'm talking about snowbirds . All very nice people from Canada , seriously but those are the four things that they do and it's very irritating . It ruins the quality of life that we have . I actually had a tea time last week and it was , of course , with a Canadian couple and if you do get a tea time , I promise you it'll be with a Canadian couple and the woman decided she had to show me why she was a snowbird . So she has her phone and she's going to show me a picture . I was like I'm trying to worry about not shanking my next five iron . Okay , you're held hostage . When someone wants to show you a picture , I always say soy , it's a picture of where they live . And okay , I understand , I get it . I don't care , but I get it . And so the Canadians come down here for six months . They have to get back after six months because their insurance will be suspended . You see , and you can always tell when the Canadians are leaving . It's time for them to go because the RV parks and the trailer parks mobile excuse me , mobile home parks start to thin out a little bit . You say , ah , now I can drive around out a little bit . You say , ah , now I can drive around . You know , I got into a . I know it's miserable up there and record heat , like this month . It's October record heat . It's okay with me , keep it coming .

Arizona is hotter than Africa

Blade 1:55

I got into a conversation with a friend of mine who's from Zambia , Africa it's like South Central Africa , the heart of Africa . So I asked him about you know what he thinks about living here in Arizona and he said living in Arizona is way too hot here . A guy from Africa is telling me it's way too hot here in Arizona . You know there's that saying . It's like oh it's hot , it's Africa hot . But that's going to have to be revised , amended . Oh it's hot , all right , arizona hot . Arizona is hotter than Africa .

Blade 2:31

Efinaconozole I saw that ad . I pay attention to these pharmaceutical ads way more than I ever did . Efinaconozole , which is some cream , ointment , pharmaceutical for yeast fungus , toenail infection . You just picture some old guy in the pharmacy . Where's my effing a con o zole ? It's tadalafil that I love , t-a-d-a-l-a-f-i-l , you know the generic for men's erectile dysfunction ? TA-DA !!

Inner Reflections: It's my fault

Blade 3:11

I walk into the desert and I reflect upon myself . It's peaceful , it's quiet , it's beautiful . What's with me ? Why is it always my fault ? And it is . I took on an attitude , I guess a modem of operation to survive in this earth . And it's just blame yourself . Blade , make sure it's always your fault , and I do . And it's not because I've got some insecurity or something like that , but it's because it makes it easier on me , because it's so much easier for me to forgive me than it is for me to forgive some asshole Try it , it works . Than it is for me to forgive some asshole

Poetry Corner with Neil Diamond and the VW Commercial

Blade 3:46

. Try it , it works .

Blade 3:49

I am , I said I am , I cried , and I said that to nobody was there , not even the chair . I am , I cried and I I don't even know why . Neil Diamond , famed and acclaimed author and poet , Neil , you are , you said , got it . You are , you even cried , got that . But yet you don't even know why I feel cheated . That was on a Volkswagen commercial . Someone had to approve that in some marketing board room . I love it . Someone had to have said you know , but on the picture I love it . Someone had to have said you know , but on the picture I saw it during a football game . On the commercial I saw it during a football game and I am . I cried and you see pictures of a Volkswagen .

Blade 4:54

Men wearing cologne broached that subject last week . To me , I have my pride . I have my pride . Men wearing cologne broached that subject last week . To me too personal , it's too much information . I don't want to smell anything , anything on another guy . But in the gallery , some funny responses , appropriate responses . If I could find one that had the essence of gunpowder and cigar smoke I'd give it a go . That's a good one , douglas , you made me laugh . Doug Parsons , sales manager for many , many years , who made a buck or two off of Blade's ratings , or two . But bacon grease is my favorite essential oil . I appreciate your humor . I always have Mr Mack Moore , another sales representative who made a buck or two or two off of Blade's ratings , hailing from Kannapolis , North Carolina .

Beards the bottom line

Blade 6:01

Beards what's the deal with beards ? It's an ongoing phase . Every guy's got to have a beard . I don't care one way or the other . I cast no aspersions for people that have beards . I just recall when I didn't shave a while back , I was with some girl and she let it slip one day after I hadn't shaved for a couple of weeks . Facial pubes . Never forget that . I don't know . I don't know , hell , I don't know . If you'r noa o man , I get it because you give up , you don't care anymore . You know , you don't want to shave anymore . You don't have to shave anymore . You don't care what girls think . Girls play along .

Blade 6:39

They say , yeah , beards are cool . But here's the thing . The only aspersion I cast is this If you can't grow a beard , don't . What's the point ? Look , you can't grow a beard . Why are you growing a beard ? Everybody knows when they look at you , they look at you and the first thing they say is he can't grow a beard . Why is he growing a beard ? Beards are cool . Who cares ? Right , just don't grow one . If you can't grow one . I could never get past the itching stage . Yeah , you know , cheap big shavers work fine .

Blade 7:24

Instead of nine blades .

That DRE Prostate Exam!

Blade 7:30

Yearly prostate it's a DRE , is what it's called, the yearly prostate exam . It's called a digital rectal exam . Rectal is a funny word , but it's not digital . Why isn't it digital ? It's called that Everything else in the body you take a picture of to see what the result is . There's no digital rectal exam for prostate cancer . I looked it up . No , there is no . All it is is the latex glove and lubrication in the finger goes where the sun doesn't shine .

Blade 8:00

Ladies and gents , it's like the only thing you can't get an MRI for . It's horrible yearly checkup . No one likes it . How can the doctor like when he's got a bunch of guys butts in his face ? You know we don't like it gulp , awful . But I was thinking . In every yearly prostate exam there's a PA in the office , some young girl you know and she's got a full frontal view . There's a PA in the office , some young girl you know , and she's got a full frontal view . And in my last one she's standing there looking down at the ground pretending to write something , not writing anything . My first thought is I know you peaked , it's okay , you can look . This is a medical , clinical situation . It's official , you can look , and it's got to be more interesting , no matter what you see , than looking at the beige tiles on the floor . It's got to be Decent exposure . Hey , it's the one chance that we get to show off without getting arrested for it . Thank you , I will show myself out .