Beyond Silence: The Healing Power of Being Heard

How do you transform a voice that feels discordant into one that resonates with power, clarity, and heart? 

In this episode of Soulful Speaking, Lauri interviews Candis Fox, a cognitive and behavioral science expert with a deep understanding of myth and human patterning. Born into a world where their relentless curiosity was often labeled as “annoying,” Candis’ early life experiences initially stifled their voice. Candis opens up about their deeply personal journey from silence to vocal freedom. Together, Lauri and Candis discuss the complexities of bravery and vulnerability as they explore the power of presence, the importance of showing up for others, and how true connection goes beyond words.

TAKEAWAYS:

1. Vulnerability is Brave: Acts of bravery often feel like fear and trauma when you’re in the midst of them. Trust those closest to you who see your courage even when you don’t. 
2. Own Your Voice: When you align your voice, heart, mind, and body you’ll ultimately draw the right people into your life and business.
3. Just Show Up: Simply being there for someone going through darkness or hard times is the most powerful thing you can do. 
4. “Nos” are Powerful. Setting boundaries is key to cultivate authentic relationships based on mutual respect, not pedestal-placing.
5. Embrace Joy: Healing and personal growth can emerge from mischief and play. 

About Candis:
Candis Fox (any pronoun) has combined their 10+ years in cognitive & behavioral science, Master’s in Education and lifelong study of myth & human patterning to provide leaders and families deepen their relational intelligence. Candis provides regenerative, effective strategies & practices for matching internal and external success through the art of relating.

Connect with Candis:
https://candisfox.com/
https://take.quiz-maker.com/QQ72XDA1C
https://www.linkedin.com/in/candisfox/

Story Magic
A Soulful Speaking Playshop for loving rebels on a soul-driven mission.

Join me for Story Magic — a live, interactive Soulful Speaking Playshop where you’ll learn powerful secrets from the ancient art of theatre for telling engaging, dynamic stories.

The Speaker Alter Ego Quiz

Take the Speaker Alter Ego quiz to find out which protective mask hides your natural radiance so you can learn how to get present, connect deeply, and share your vision when it matters most!

https://voice-matters.com/speaker-alter-ego-quiz/

Chapters

• 0:00 Silence & Reclaiming Voice
• 16:11 Redefining Bravery
• 18:28 Embracing Authenticity and Self-Expression
• 20:52 Conflict and Growth
• 23:22 Moving from Discordance to Resonance
• 28:01 Healing Through Voice
• 34:34 Reclaiming Joy and Playfulness
• 37:05 Inspiration Porn, Boundaries, and Authentic Relationships
• 37:21 The Magic of Resonance and Alignment in Business
• 47:00 Identity, Voice, and Power
• 48:05 Final Thoughts & Closing Lightning Round Inspired by Bernard Pivot

Transcript

Lauri: 1:08

Welcome listeners. Today, my guest is Candic Fox. Candice combined their 10 plus years in cognitive and behavioral science, master's degree in education and a lifelong study of myth and human patterning to help leaders and families deepen their relational intelligence. Welcome, candice. Thank you for dancing yeah.

Candis: 1:32

Thanks for dancing to my most recent ridiculous favorite song with me.

Lauri: 1:36

Of course. Of course, I like to dive right in what's been your speaking journey so far.

Candis: 1:49

All right. At age 39, my journey has been one of discordant to reson'm just so grateful to have this opportunity to share this because it's been such a impactful journey for me, around my voice specifically, and I honestly I didn't really stop to think about it specifically until I got to be on this podcast, so it's been a really great blessing to start to see that whole discordant to resonant journey in a it's in in its entirety so far really good.

Lauri: 2:38

I don't. I don't know enough about astrology, and I imagine there are some people out there that are like oh, can we have the cliff notes of what that means?

Candis: 2:48

yeah, so a gemini chiron? Uh, gemini is the of all the zodiac signs. It's the sign of communication, it's the sign of voice, it's the sign of learning and curiosity. For curiosity's sake, and while I've always been very curious, I have had the Gemini Chiron placement means that it's my wounded healer placement. But it's my wounded healer placement, so where I am wounded and also have the greatest kind of potency to give. And as I've gone from, you know, more discordant to more resonant, I'm seeing just how impactful my gift of communication is, and it's been, I mean, a wild journey for me. So that's kind of the cliff notes of the Gemini Chiron and the Gemini placements.

Lauri: 3:35

Yeah, and take us back to the beginning. Paint a picture of what was life like when you were in the discordant phase.

Candis: 3:47

Yeah, so I mean, in some ways, this journey for me begins before language. I learned that crying wasn't going to necessarily get me what I needed, and so I just started my life by being very quiet. And as kids get older, as I got older, I got more and more curious. I asked questions about everything. I still do that. I think it's part of who I am and I was considered annoying, and so part of how I'd like to share this story is actually through how other people perceived me or the feedback that I got from other people, because I think it's a fun way to like frame a story and also like these are the beliefs that I accepted about myself.

Candis: 4:37

You know, and how, as I changed those beliefs of myself, how differently I moved through the world with my voice. And so what I was told was I was annoying, that was, and I was either annoying or I was ignored. That was and and, and I was either annoying or I was ignored, and so I didn't really have a lot of space to be heard. And you know, around age like five or six or so, and this is really peculiar because, as I was so curious and annoying, so to speak, I was also getting placed in like they wanted to skip me grades, like they wanted to put me in immediately into second grade, and so I had this wonderful intelligence. That was a problem, yeah Right, yeah, oh, man.

Candis: 5:27

And so as I got a little older, you know, my, my Grammy, my, she's my stepfather's mother, who I was living with and who essentially raised me at this time in my life she was a developed opera singer, like she was a professional opera singer. She had the training, she was maybe five foot, nothing, and could just belt it out like nobody's business. And so here we, we were all alone together most of the day and, um, you know, obviously way back before, um, any kind of technology would have made things uh, easier back then to be connected. So it was just her and I on this large plot of land and she had all this opera singing and and an organ, and so we would sing together and she would play all these songs and and, and then she started. She's not a particularly like warm person, and so what I got a lot of at that time that I internalized was you can't sing very well. Of course I couldn't sing very well. I was like six Mm. Hmm, you know not very often do.

Candis: 6:29

do kids come out of the womb with that kind of talent?

Lauri: 6:35

Yeah, and I would imagine I'd have to ask my friend who's an opera singer and singing instructor. A lot of that has to do with like we're not done at six, so nothing in here is done at six.

Candis: 6:48

Yeah, nothing, nothing. I mean, I hadn't even gone through puberty, I didn't know. You know, like, and I think too like, I think it's sometimes easy when we become so skilled in something, to forget how unskilled we started as, and so I internalized this idea of what I was being told is that I couldn't sing very well, and so I didn't want to become more annoying. So here we are, compounding identities, right? I didn't want to become more annoying, so I stopped singing. And you know, as I got older, I think I joined a choir once in like fourth grade, just for funsies, because I like using my voice and I was trying to find some way that it wouldn't be annoying, and and I liked it, but it wasn't um, like I, you know, like I, I didn't have the, the standout voice, I didn't have um the voice, like I had a really uh, I didn't know at the time like a very resonant, velvety, smooth voice.

Candis: 7:57

That was a really good kind of like accompaniment, and I learned how to harmonize and I thought that was like super cool, but it wasn't like nobody noticed me for it. And then my parents stopped taking me to choir and I didn't know why, like I just didn't know anymore. And so here I was, like finally enjoying my voice and then not getting to right. Um, and as I grew older, uh, I, I, you know, you start going through puberty and you get all the feelings and things are complicated and I wanted to share my feelings but now all of a sudden, I had I was too much, so I'm annoying, I can't sing well, anything I share about myself is too much, because we had a pretty unhealthy dynamic around emotional sharing and emotional health in my family and my feelings were a problem to be solved and therefore I was a problem to be solved for having them.

Lauri: 8:59

Yeah, yeah, I'm hearing a lot of not valuing your innate gifts and also in your case, it doesn't feel like someone was really even giving you a clear you can't be what you are. This is the other target that you're needing to hit, so it feels that particular kind of confusing.

Candis: 9:24

Yeah, I mean, there was no way to win, truthfully, there was no way for me to be who I was. Well, there was no way for me to just be who I was and have that be okay. And so a funny thing happened. I came out, I realized that I was queer. I didn't use that word back then and I remember it so clearly because I had had this dream where, you know, like I was meeting up with a friend that I walked with to school and we ended up kissing in this dream and I woke up and I was like, well, that's weird. And then the kicker was, I woke up the next day wishing I had that dream and I literally said out loud in my room by myself oh fuck, I'm gay. And from there a funny thing happened, and this is where I start this kind of like transition into being more resonant and like more authentic. But it happened silently because I knew who I was but I wasn't ready to tell everybody.

Candis: 10:32

I was 12 years old, that's pretty young especially. I mean, it was like 1997, not a very great time to come out. You know, we were still in the age of, obviously like, don't ask, don't tell. And um, you know, uh, there was no such. Nobody was even dreaming about same-sex marriage or any kind of protections like that. I mean, the best we had was Melissa Etheridge, not directly saying she, you know, we had this kind of like leaving out what was true as a way of recognizing each other.

Candis: 11:14

And so when I I was forced out because I had, I had written these notes to somebody that I was kind of dating or like flirting with, and my mom found those notes and she felt the need to share that with all of my friend's parents and it became unsafe for me to really be at home very much and again. So now, instead of having this space of like, oh, this is how I'm supposed to be, but I can't be that Now, I knew for sure what I couldn't be and that was just who I was, and so my voice, like I, came out and this shift happened for me silently, because it came out out of notes. I didn't even tell anyone.

Lauri: 13:27

Yeah, right, like I didn't, yeah when you were in the phase before you were forced out, it felt like there was a strength in you, that was happening, and then it's like the earth was pulled out from underneath you was pulled out from underneath you with this discovery and then being forced out without your consent.

Candis: 13:56

Yeah, it was earth shattering, to say the least. I mean, I my emotional health was not good at that time. I didn't have, I mean, all of my friends that I thought were there for me, weren't? You know? Like you go through that kind of shakedown and it's funny cause I'm going through one right now where, like all of a sudden, you find out who actually cares for you and who wants to hear you and actually like trust you and trust what you say and trust what you say about yourself, right, and so, yeah, I mean I.

Candis: 14:33

I finally started like talking about who I was and the whole ground beneath me fell apart, I think, my voice and my inner strength, however, feeble. It was at the time was really one of the only things that I could root in. It's one of the only things that I could do to take care of myself. To you know, talk to the friends that were still there for me.

Candis: 15:04

You know, like I didn't lose everybody, thank goodness, yeah, and and that I was, uh, flirting with and talking to their family was cool with it, like they didn't care, and so I I had a safe space there to to talk with people.

Candis: 15:18

But, um, as I grew older, like into high school and things like that, my voice and I'm I'm shaking a little right now just like remembering all of this, you know, um yeah my, my being out, my being willing to speak for myself, my ability to say no, I'm not that or yes, I am that or um, and not like necessarily over identifying with terminology, but like just being myself and acting more in my authenticity, is when my life started to dramatically shift and people started treating me differently. Because up until that point, I had been annoying, I had been a problem, I had been not a good singer. There's a lot of not enoughness.

Candis: 16:05

And as soon as I was kind of like more or less forced into this situation where I had to be authentic, then all of a sudden people are saying things like oh, you're so brave, I could never do that. And so yeah.

Lauri: 16:20

Yeah, and the shaking is. It's vulnerable to really be true to ourselves and to speak and engage with the world from that place. And so often I find that the person who's going through it is feeling the shaking, is feeling the vulnerability of it's. Like I was pushed out into this incredibly vulnerable arena. That was not my choice. And the people who love you, who are able to be there with you and for you through the fire, through the joy, through who you really are, through the singing in your real life, those folks are looking at you and saying you're so brave and yet when you're in it, it doesn't feel like bravery, it feels like terror and trauma.

Candis: 17:17

When does bravery ever feel like bravery?

Lauri: 17:22

Yeah, and I love pointing it out, I feel like you get it and for someone who's listening, they are probably thinking they're so brave. I wish I could be like that. I'm not like that. And there is a siren going by right now I don't know if they're going to be able to hear it and it's like if you're listening and you're thinking, you're terrified that means you're not brave and you're thinking you're terrified. That means you're not brave.

Candis: 17:48

What if you are? Yeah, yeah, well, and I feel like bravery is one of those things where, like when you recognize it, you can choose it, and it's sometimes hard to recognize without other people reflecting it back to you.

Lauri: 18:04

Yeah.

Candis: 18:05

And so that was when I was really starting to accept. And again, like people are telling me oh, I'm brave, oh I'm brave.

Lauri: 18:13

Yeah, and if you're sitting there going, I guess I get to choose.

Candis: 18:18

Yeah.

Lauri: 18:19

Or I'm going to choose. I've gotten messages like I'm too much, I'm annoying, I'm wrong for being who I am, and then someone says you're brave. Well, screw you. I'm going to choose to listen to the You're Brave message that I'm getting now.

Candis: 18:40

Yeah, and it's not to say that I'm ignoring entirely what other people are saying about me being annoying or all these things. It's just I'm not attaching myself to that identity anymore and it's it's just helpful feedback at that point, because at that point I realized, well, I mean, if there's no right way to be, if I'm just going to be the wrong thing all the time, I might as well just like choose to own what I've got and just share what I have and be who I am, because'm never going to be enough anyway. So what, what can I give myself? You know, how can I, how can I show up in a way that um feels good to me? And this, uh, you know, now people are telling me that I'm brave there. Um, you know it's causing conflict.

Candis: 19:33

I'm going to be honest, like that, that bravery causes conflict. And it doesn't just cause conflict with me personally, it causes conflict within other people. So, for instance, I was dating somebody for like two and a half years in high school who still hasn't come out, and so, you know, during that time I'm getting a lot of gosh. You're really brave. I wish I could do that. You know, I I spend time with the schools, like Gay Straight Alliance, which is what we called them back then, and there's so many allies who have now come out. Even even some of the actually more than half of the friends that I was close to when I came out, who were kind of like, eh, are now out. So it was me being who I was and being brave, or or sharing who I was was causing conflict within themselves, within other people, yeah, that they were now forced to kind of reconcile with and that makes people uncomfortable.

Lauri: 20:27

yeah, and and sometimes that happens we be who we are, we do what we do, and other people get triggered because they're off living their life and transforming at their pace, and it does not mean that there's something wrong with us that they're getting triggered.

Candis: 20:46

Right, I didn't know that for a little while.

Lauri: 20:50

No, yeah, I would not have known that. I would not have known that. It feels like I'm hearing like a more discordant but kind of a beautiful discordant sound in my head as we're talking. I remember years and years ago I did, I was. I was in the chorus in Evita at like 19 years old at my college. Oh, wow, and we got a standing ovation. The chorus in Evita at like 19 years old at my college. Ooh, wow, and we got a standing ovation. The chorus did, but that's totally a tangent that I won't go on, except for the fact that it ties into your. I didn't have the voice that they thought was popular in the chorus at the time. They weren't making you the lead singer. You had the velvety harmonizing voice and that is what that standing ovation for the chorus was about. Thank you for that. Yeah, it's weird when something like that comes in and I'm glad it fully came in.

Lauri: 21:56

The musical director on our production futzed with the music and my memory is that at the beginning he made it even more discordant. In a way that was like choosing musical discordance and when you were talking about like the first phase of discordance before you got forced out, it felt more messy and chaotic, and now this phase feels like it's shifting from discordance to resonance, and the discordance all of a sudden feels like it's more beautiful. It's actually more aligned. There's some harmonies happening, even though it's like it's actually more aligned. There's some harmonies happening, even though it's like it's discordant. It's fiery. It is not comfortable, perhaps as painful as it was, as the people that you thought were your besties, that had your back did not. And yet the connections with the people who were got even stronger, and those people really saw you. So now you're moving toward being seen by people who are actually seeing the real. You Tell us more about that.

Candis: 23:16

Yeah, anytime I feel really seen or heard by someone is such a gift.

Candis: 23:21

I think it's a gift to both of us, but it's especially healing, like a balm on my heart because, I spent so much of my life not feeling heard or seen, and I feel like there's this kind of like pendulum swing that happens in my life so frequently, and every time it swings one way or the other I get closer and closer to this centered alignment, this kind of like knowing who my people are, no, and and like really trusting myself in that um, and like there's this, this wound of being misunderstood, that um is also a Gemini Chiron thing, um, but this, this wound of being misunderstood. And so, whenever I do find these people who actually take time to hear me to, to see me, um, not only does it, like, heal my heart and and all of my young self heart, you know know, but I feel like it's a gift to them too. You know, like, and this is part of why I do the work that I do is because I know how valuable it is to be seen to be heard too.

Candis: 24:39

You know, like what a gift it is to both people when, when we get to see and hear each other and just be human and as we are, without judgment, without ranking, without comparison, to just be heard and seen as we are. And again, this is like one of the reasons why I love you so much is because you're so gifted and dedicated and skilled in that art, and there I think that is one of the things that will really help the world heal. You know, I think it's going to help communities heal. I think it's going to help leaders become leaders.

Candis: 25:12

You know, but like every time, we start really sharing who we are and finding out who's listening and finding out who's seeing. We're getting closer and closer to our energetic correctness for us.

Lauri: 25:28

Yeah, Thank you very much. I also had messages when I was younger of like. I also had messages when I was younger of like. They were different, they were less direct. And I spent a lot of time walking around like seeing the real person, almost like a light bulb that's been turned down really dim, and I spent so much time being like, well, no one's talking about this thing, so it must be worthless right when, in reality, I am humbled and grateful and, like you said, uh, seeing seeing people and then seeing them step more into themselves.

Lauri: 26:18

There is a huge alignment there. Things feel right when I'm taking part in that process and it's a lot like breathing. It's easy and fun and I just know and when I say just know, it involves a lot of curiosity it's not like I 100% know that this thing is going to help that person. What other pivotal moments, what, if any other pivotal moments, do you want to share today?

Candis: 26:56

Yeah. So I'd say we're like halfway through, I've got a little more and it gets juicy because as soon as I start to really stand in my voice, I'm going to college.

Candis: 27:06

I'm like I've been like the out person my whole life, and so you know people tend to rally behind me, whether I know it or not. And so you know I'm going to college. I went to a Lutheran college, which I loved. It was a great educational experience. It was a little weird on the social end of things because you know I would protest, I would stage protests and do things and the administration didn't like that very much, but like they needed to be done, People needed to understand what was going on. That's when um, prop 8 was happening. We had anyway, I was standing up for myself, I was using my voice, I was practicing everything that the college was teaching me and then, uh, I started teaching. Now, at that point I knew I wanted to be a teacher. I knew I was gifted in teaching and, like crafting, facilitating experiences for people.

Candis: 28:04

I was really good at like okay, how do I want people to feel with this lesson? How do I want people to experience things? And I mean at one point I had so much fun with it. I got in a little bit of trouble for this, but I was teaching high school English, 10th grade at the time.

Candis: 28:21

So I had done subbing. I had worked with kids with emotional and behavioral disorders. That's a whole other voice thing. Like how do you work with kids who yell and bite and kick?

Candis: 28:33

But this particular instance, I was teaching high school English in 10th grade and I had the French class invade my classroom when we were studying post-colonial studies and like we were reading a colonialism book to help the kids understand what that means, and I had the French class come in and invade the classroom and I speak French, so I just switched over and you know. And then we talked about like okay, this is what happens when these, when you stand up for yourself in this situation, these people are unalived, these people, you know the kids who are trying to help other people learn French. And so you're like, okay, well, you're part of how the culture died. You know, like there's, there's like all of these pieces that came into it but was all through voice. All we did when they invaded. It was basically, like simon says, they were just like hey, stand up, turn around, write your name on a piece of paper, sit down give them a hand.

Candis: 29:27

You know just very basic things. It wasn't like oppressive by any means, it was just unexpected for the rest of the class, and so that just how powerful voices can be when we're trying to like work our way through an unexpected experience, you know and so here I am teaching for 13 years or so and then I get a brain injury and I literally couldn't speak for three months. Wow, I couldn't remember what someone said long enough to respond appropriately.

Lauri: 30:07

Wow.

Candis: 30:09

It was. I'm so grateful that I don't have a lot of memories of that time. I literally couldn't form them, but what I do remember was really dark, hard and really heavy, and there are some days where I genuinely don't know how I survived that, let alone reintroduce myself to society, you know and like, got the healing I needed, and so it became really clear to me that I needed some help, and so I did some cognitive therapy, worked with people. Obviously I can speak now, which is great, it's not. I don't have the same eloquence that I used to have, I don't have the same kind of presence of mind that I used to have, but it's good enough. So, in terms of turning points, I had to have this kind of funeral for myself, for the trajectory that I thought my life was going to have.

Candis: 31:09

And so here's again this unintended opportunity to release identity. I didn't choose that I was a passenger in a car accident and so releasing this identity of again, like I found out real quick who was actually going to be there for me, right? Because? People oftentimes don't know how to work with something unknown like that. They don't really know what to do, and so, instead of doing the wrong thing, they do nothing, right.

Lauri: 31:41

Yeah, nobody's teaching us that really, the best thing you can do when someone is going through something like that is be with them.

Candis: 31:54

That's it.

Lauri: 31:55

You don't need to say anything. You could sit there and just stare, or sit there and hold their hand. Yeah, and that's hugely valuable. But our culture is not letting anyone know how hugely valuable that is. We are now with things like podcasts.

Candis: 32:15

Yeah, if you're listening, just show up.

Lauri: 32:20

It's really actually easy Just show up, yeah, be there. Yeah, it's interesting. It feels like another spiritual, what I would call like a spiritual learning.

Candis: 32:35

Oh yeah.

Lauri: 32:35

That whole. Like I am not my house, I am not my car, but this is like 10,000 leagues deeper than whole. Like I am not my house, I am not my car, but this is like 10 000 leagues deeper than that.

Lauri: 32:40

I am not my I am not my mind, I am not my eloquent voice. You are. You are the thing underneath all of that that was speaking through what you call a more eloquent voice. I actually do find you very eloquent, and I did not know you before. What I feel here from you now is the smartest word. The most eloquent word is not always the one that reaches the heart. I feel your heart when you talk.

Candis: 33:17

Thank you, I'm just going to sit with that for a second. That feels nice.

Lauri: 33:26

Yeah.

Candis: 33:27

Yeah, and so at this point really all I had in my voice was that heart piece and I had to use my voice to coordinate care. I had to use my voice to laugh again and be silly and kind of, in many ways, start as a child and be okay with that. And I mean I've always been playful. Like I've got a mischievous streak in me.

Lauri: 33:59

That is not hard to see but and I think leaning into that actually really helped me recover a lot faster, which is why I work so much joy into the transformation processes that I get to work with with my clients, but yeah, all that stuff that in the early days people found annoying the joy, the play, the childlike curiosity literally saved you.

Candis: 34:28

It literally did. Yeah, thank you for recognizing that. And so, again, this is like now I'm becoming more and more resonant, you know like that, that heart-to-heart resonance, that that kind of soulful speaking, the ability to blend my spirit, my body, my voice, my mind, all of these things into one spoken experience for myself and whoever's listening. Now I mean, I didn't have a choice, but I was going to, I was getting really good at it and as I did, it was funny. Go ahead.

Lauri: 35:07

I was going to say I think you were going there. What happened? What opened up in your life as you got really good at it?

Candis: 35:13

Well, a couple of things. So, in terms of again, like I'm telling this story in some ways through what people were telling me at the time and so I became inspiration porn again. You know, wow, I could never live through what you live through. Thanks, I guess.

Lauri: 35:34

Candice Fox inspiration porn. Yes, candice Fox inspiration porn.

Candis: 35:38

It's like I'm glad that makes you feel better about yourself.

Lauri: 35:43

It was fucking awful for me, but and I did just get the sense of like, there were the people who were there with you through the fucking awful. And then there's like the moths to the flame that are like, oh, the light is bright again. Yeah, that's so.

Candis: 36:00

It's not that you know, every single one of them would not have been there for you and I'm blurting the images that I see in my head and I saw moths going to a, to a light yeah, well, and it's such a fascinating thing because I was really starting to see again who was here for me, who wasn and who was just attracted to my light, and it's never like 100% in either category.

Candis: 37:36

It's more of just a like where's my tolerance, where's my boundary around how much I'm investing in people who, like I don't want to be inspiration porn. To people Like if you're inspired by what I have to share, cool, but we're in relationship, right? So if I, if you're putting me on a pedestal or you're putting yourself below me or you are wanting to extract my light and give it to yourself and give me nothing in return, I'm not interested.

Candis: 38:09

That's not a relationship that you are on board with and starting to use my voice to make it clear to people where I'm at. With that and sharing my congruence changed a lot for me too'm. I'm swinging in this pendulum and getting more and more aligned with, uh, who I have in my life and who I don't, and, um, it was at that point, once I kind of got through my recovery, that I wanted to start a new business which, as you know, all of a sudden I have to think about marketing, which is using your voice and showing up in a different way.

Candis: 38:44

Um there's like, what am I putting together? You know, like, what are the packages? What are the? What can I share with people? What are the delicious meals that I can offer to nourish people in their journeys? And it's just a whole different ballgame than just living my own life. Now, I'm not just living my own life, I'm living my life for myself and other people, which I think is beautiful. I love it and I love being around people who are interested in practicing that. And so, you know, as I'm like, I'm still like in a constant process of like, okay, what am I actually putting together? I mean, I'm just switched it up this last month about how I'm putting together my offerings and where I'm showing up with my voice and how I'm being seen, and it's yeah, it's just a whole other level of using my voice, and what I'm getting back from people is magic.

Lauri: 39:44

I feel like I just had a huge aha.

Candis: 39:49

What'd you?

Lauri: 39:49

get that process if you're a human who has a voice and you're a business owner of. I'm reevaluating my offers and how am I sharing them and putting my voice in the world is part of the process of resonance, yes, of being in alignment with our true selves in that moment as we learn and grow and transform. And when we do that we get back the magic. The magic is not in the structure that our business had a week ago, the way we were sharing our voice six months ago. It's in following the resonance, follow the resonance all the way to magic.

Candis: 40:34

It's the rainbow that leads you to the pot of gold, yeah, yeah, but it is, though, yeah, and finding more and more people like like you, for instance, who I feel a lovely, kind of like nourishing. If I, if I had to put it in meal form, it might be like a really lovely. I'm going through all the foods right now. It's like it feels like sushi to me. It's like light, andolesome and filling, and so I happen to really love sushi.

Candis: 41:06

So I'm finding the sushi, the resonance with other people who share these practices, sure, but also really understand what it's like to be human and resonant together, because it does require a relationship, and you know, in many ways, your relationship, my relationship together, whatever we're creating together, this new thing, this relationship is new in a lot of ways, and yet it has never felt icky or not nourishing or that you were trying to extract something from my light. You know like our lights add to each other, and I think that's something that's really powerful, that really only voices can begin that process. You know we can show up however we want, but using our voice is really what, like gives us the opportunity to shine together.

Lauri: 41:58

Yeah, yeah, and that is such a beautiful description of what it feels like when you find your people. Isn't that funny when you find your people.

Candis: 42:11

Yeah.

Lauri: 42:11

Because when we're younger, less experienced and people are telling us you're too much, you're not enough, you're annoying, we try to change, or the temptation to change ourselves to fit in, feels very different from.

Lauri: 42:33

I've known you for less than a year I think, yeah, and there's been a yeah and there's been a oh, you know like a, an energetic resonance, and it feels easy. Nobody's taking the other person's light, we're putting our light together and there are a good number of people in my life, when I look back where I remember the moment. I met them, because there was a different kind of energy.

Candis: 43:10

And.

Lauri: 43:10

I had heard about you. I don't remember exactly which Zoom meeting it was. I remember I had heard about you and then there we were on Zoom together and it was like there's's this heart to heart, core to core channel between us that has nothing blocking it. And it's the first time we've actually met A friend of mine in grad school. Same thing, it's like I can feel her energy from across the room in a circle of like 40 people. We get outside and I feel an energy and I look over and she's on a bike, like walking the bike toward me, and then says, hey, do you maybe want to get a coffee or something? Because we were both feeling that thing belong, because you're with people who have chosen to be themselves, like there's a thing like oneness. We're all actually one and I think part of what creates that feeling of belonging and the oneness is choosing to show up as yourself and receive others as themselves yeah, yeah, absolutely, and it's it feels so different.

Candis: 44:24

You know it really, and this is. This is like where I'm at right now, because I still struggle sometimes and I still feel like I'm annoying. You know, like you can ask my partner, there are times when I'm feeling really activated and I'm like am I annoying you and my partner's like, what are you talking about? I'm like, oh yeah, that's like not a thing I need to hold on to anymore. So you know, I do a lot of like identity release around it, and then there's still like these lingering kinds of tastes in your mouth, you know. But like, as you know, I've been finding more ways to share who I am and finding more of my people. It's not only feels good but, like you mentioned, there's this ease and, honestly, I'm making more money. Like that's the fun, like such a fun thing for me, given my line of work. I don't know, there's.

Candis: 45:19

There's something about resonance and alignment and, um, really trusting that when you know I'm putting myself out there, that and and I trust that I love a good no, Mm-hmm, you know, like the. So for the people who are really into making me an inspiration and taking my light, you can borrow that. That's fine, but like we're not going to get close, you know I have a no for that and ultimately you have a no for me, because if you knew me and you cared about me, you wouldn't be putting me on a pedestal, you wouldn't be putting yourself underneath me, you wouldn't be. I don't value those things, I don't practice those things, and so it's pretty clear like we both have a no for each other. So let's just let it be what it is.

Lauri: 46:11

Yeah, yeah, no's can be very, very powerful, and it's a when you have a hell no, an empowered no. It may not come out the very first time you ever do one really clearly. Yeah, and once you get used to them, once you start to work that muscle and get good at them, it really is like a clear channel from your gut or your heart straight up and out past the vocal cords.

Candis: 46:46

Yeah, it is, and I will say I've had a funny experience with that lately in the sense that so I am non binary and I was on testosterone for a little while. I accidentally, for some reason, my body metabolized it too much of it for two months straight and my voice started to drop and change, and so when you're talking about that kind of like, it may not come out right at all. I'm at a phase right now where my voice is so squonky and like silly sounding sometimes Like I can't sing the same notes that I used to, and it all just comes out Like, if I'm laughing really hard, I just go, you know, like it's just super squeaky, and so if I have to, you know like I get to work with that every day. Such a fun, like I've learned to embrace it in it as a way of being like okay, well, all those times when I was scared to say something, well, now it's just going to sound silly, I don't have to be afraid of something silly, I can just say it.

Lauri: 47:52

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's beautiful. I could talk to you forever. I feel like we could do 10 episodes and I want people who are listening to you, who are curious this will be in the show notes and I always like to ask for those that are driving and need to hear it and kind of remember it what's the best place for people to connect with you if they're curious about working with you, want to go deeper in getting to know you?

Candis: 48:26

Yeah, so the easiest way is to go to my website. It's candicefoxcom. Now, I do spell my name uniquely. I was born with that. It's C-A-N-D-I-S-F-O-Xcom, candicefoxcom. I'm a wealth and integrity coach. I help people have healthy relationships to money and power and intimacy and repattern all that goofy stuff that keeps us back. So that's what I love to do and that would be the best way to get ahold of me. Everything's on there and I'm revamping it this winter.

Lauri: 49:01

Before I dive into our lightning round, final words for people listening.

Candis: 49:11

Thank you. Thank you for listening, thank you for hearing me. It is deeply healing to me to know that somebody I don't know yet has hurt me and if it resonates with you, if my story resonates with you, you don't have to work with me to reach out. I would love to hear you.

Lauri: 49:41

Okay, so beautiful Tears, so beautiful, oh tears. And every time I get to this not every time the past couple of times I've got to this lightning round of questions. Yes, they're inspired by bernard pivo, who inspired james lipton, the inside the actors, studio man, and I'm starting to call it the Pivo pivot because a few times it's been like we're in this incredibly deep thing, you're sharing this heartfelt and I'm like over here crying and going okay, it's time for the Pivo pivot.

Candis: 50:18

I love it. All right, hard pivot, let's go, I'm ready. What's your favorite word? Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck would be my favorite word. It's so personal. What's your least favorite word? Confusion what turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally Joy.

Lauri: 51:00

What turns?

Candis: 51:01

you off Confusion. What's your favorite cuss word? I mean other than fuck. I feel like I'm using all the same words. Yeah, I'll just stick with fuck, because this is a lightning round. Keep going, okay, okay.

Lauri: 51:23

What sound or noise do you love?

Candis: 51:27

I love when somebody I love says my name candace. See, it's so good what sound or noise do you hate? Really squeaky dog barking.

Lauri: 51:49

It really hurts my ears, shuts my brain off mm-hmm, what profession other than yours would be fun to try professional wrestling what profession would you not like to do?

Candis: 52:08

I would not like to be a lawyer I think I'd be really good at it and for all the wrong reasons.

Lauri: 52:18

I don't want to do it. Glad you skipped that. Yeah, what do you?

Candis: 52:28

hope people say about you on your 100th birthday I love them, that's all. And or that motherfucker was a badass bitch.

Lauri: 52:44

Well, Candace, I love you and you are a badass bitch. No-transcript.