From Stage Freeze to Soulful Flow: Shedding the Masks We Wear

Before becoming a keynote speaker and conscious leadership voice, Kremena Yordanova was known as “The Kremenator” — a corporate leader who could get things done, but at the cost of masking her softer self. In this first part of our conversation, Kremena shares her earliest experiences with speaking (including a childhood stage freeze), how yoga helped her dissolve fear and reconnect with presence, and the high price of wearing masks in the corporate world. Together, we explore the link between survival, performance, and authenticity — and the moment yoga entered her life to change everything.

Takeaways

1. Childhood stage freeze can echo long into adulthood — until we meet practices that set us free.
2. There’s a profound difference between performing a mask and speaking from truth.
3. Sometimes the part of ourselves we most resist seeing holds the key to our liberation.
4. Humor can be both a gift and a mask, depending on how we use it.
5. Leading from toughness alone comes with a cost. Sooner or later, it wears us down.
6. Yoga can be a doorway to both recovery and integration alongside a demanding corporate career.
7. As wild, untamed, radiant leaders, it’s important to tend to both fire and softness.

Soul Sucker Quiz

Take the Soul Sucker Quiz to learn which Soul Sucker screams the loudest in your mind so you can release them from being in charge and set your voice free!

https://voice-matters.com/soul-sucker-quiz/

Transcript

Speaker 1 0:33

Hey everyone, welcome back to the Soulful Speaking podcast. My guest today is Kremena Yordanova. She is a purpose-driven CMO, keynote speaker and retreat leader who blends 17 years of Fortune 500 marketing experience with ancient practices of yoga and meditation. She helps brands and leaders integrate purpose into performance, specializing in conscious leadership, brand transformation and sustainable business growth. Welcome Jordanova, kremena Jordanova.

Childhood speaking freeze, finding yoga, & shedding fear

Speaker 2 1:09

It's very formal, Thank you. Thank you so much for having me. Definitely, definitely in my culture, when you ask someone to be called Jordanova with the last name, it shows respect. It's like very so. You were not wrong there. I felt it from the first time we spoke. Thank you so much for having me.

Speaker 1 1:31

Me too. Yes, thank you so much for being here. It was a Freudian intuitive slip. Thank you so much for being here. It was a Freudian intuitive slip there you have it. Let's go ahead and dive straight into the beginning.

Speaker 2 1:47

Where did your speaking journey begin. It's interesting because I vividly remember the first time when I was maybe 10 or 7 or somewhere in between that age, I was asked to do a performance and I used to love that, but that specific moment was that I just was like, oh wow, I forget what I'm about to do, like total stage freeze, and I did not manage to unblock this until very late, until I actually really met yoga in my life, and the love of yoga was so deep and so over consuming, so to say, that I had to be in front of people if I want to cue them, if I want to guide them, and then, by doing it every day, literally initially begging people to join me and later on having classes that are with wait lists I kind of take it as a.

Speaker 2 2:59

It's just another thing you do. It's like just breathing um, I do not have the freeze anymore as often, or I don't think it really makes me that nervous, which is something very fascinating because it's completely the opposite of how I remember it when I was a child, when I couldn't remember anything.

Speaker 1 3:23

Yeah, it sounds like you enjoyed it. And then you had this moment somewhere within seven to 10 where the freeze happened, and then, as you described it right now, it sounds like until you discovered yoga, you were actually kind of still in the freeze.

Speaking masks & the Porcelain Doll

Speaker 2 3:45

I would imagine it, because even when you have to speak up in a boardroom, or even if you have to make sure that you're assertive enough or you are something else that you are, it was very difficult. It was very difficult to put this. I'm now this different persona. I need to, or it was at least how I've experienced it. It was that well, that's just a mask, I'm here for a little bit and I'm performing this, so the two options were visible and um. But it's such a beautiful craft to be able to express yourself, to be able to feel understood as well, because an audience will tell you immediately if your message lands or not, and it's so. It's energetic exchange, our words and gestures and all of that it's taken in or completely dismissed as a message. Yeah, I love it I love it.

Speaker 1 4:46

yeah, um, I want to go back a little bit to the the you mentioned mask and I know you took I a quiz the speaker alter ego mask. I understand your top result was the porcelain doll, which surprised me, which surprised me a lot.

Speaker 2 5:07

I was, and I want to thank you for putting it together as a resource and source for all of us to get to know more about our, you know, styles, because we tend to think one. I was very surprised and I was very partially shocked and partially like how did you know? Equal parts of like very intrigued, very, very powerful tool.

Speaker 1 5:35

Yeah, what was shocking about getting porcelain doll as your result? When you were shocked?

Humor as mask vs. gift

Speaker 2 5:43

I. You know the intention behind. Oh, I should be this or I should be that I. Often we we tend to stay stuck in a I think that's what I'll be. So I remember vividly, before I've taken the quiz, I'm like I'll be. I think I selected another one. I was like I put in my mind that when I even saw the porcelain doll as a title or as an option, I was like no way, I'm that. I remember vividly that I was like that's like so funny, so interesting. And then the results came in and I was like, oh, like that's like so funny, so interesting. And then the results came in and I was like, oh, that's why it's so interesting. Um, speaking of those masks and speaking of, uh, using humor, I always get, um, I always start saying like I think I'm funny, but then, going underneath it, why use of humor is important or what is it that? It's quote unquote masking. It's so fascinating.

Speaker 2 6:44

Yeah yeah, so fascinating.

Speaker 1 6:46

Yeah, the jive and jokester is the one who will use humor as a mask, and you just made me think. Somebody asked me at one point how do I know if it's the mask or not? And I said well, who are you making the joke for? Are you making the joke for the audience, like to shift the room, to create a different perspective, to create an emotional ripple of some kind? Or are you making the joke because you need to be seen as funny? Yeah, or it got uncomfortable and a joke just came out of your mouth as a habit. So the masks often are.

Speaker 1 7:27

It starts out with a trait about us that is a gift, that somehow we feel like, well, that's the only way I'm allowed to show up, or I have to show up this way, and some of us, like you know, I created the quiz. I've never tested for jive and jokester. I'm just not that kind of funny. It's not. It's actually not a skill to make a joke on command and have it be funny.

Speaker 1 7:55

I'm sort of a combination of deranged mannequin, heady hipster, so deranged mannequin is like I'm so passionate but I'm forcing things, I'm working extra hard and I end up repelling people. Heady hipster is the like I feel like someone from the land of the misfit toys. So if I just put on my smart mask and only let you see that, then I'm protected and maybe you'll accept me. And the porcelain doll is the like. I'm just gonna try to smooth things out and make the peace and maybe if I hold my voice back and don't speak, it will do that. It sounds a little bit like you may have a combination, some that you know you use more often, and then the porcelain doll was a bit of a like oh, that is there.

Speaking as an art form & spiritual practice

Speaker 2 8:45

I was very shocked. I was both, as I mentioned to you. I was very shocked because I thought that would be like more on the funny side. And it's interesting when, when you say the same type of jokes over and over and over again and you're either in an environment where you're seen as the authority and people laugh at your joke, no matter if they're funny or not I had experience in that as well. I would tell often to my team we all know that was not that funny and then it gets to the point that we're like, oh interesting, but we actually get the chance to excavate it, like what's behind it?

The rise of “The Kremenator”

Speaker 1 9:36

But yeah, it's just so interesting to peel pieces of ourselves through yet another form of I consider it art. Yeah, chills, yeah. Speaking is an art form. Life can be an art form. Running a business can be an art form. I actually believe that art forms are part of our spiritual growth on the planet, just like yoga, that all of those things are actually meant to intersect. So you were masked in the corporate world at times. What was it costing you at that point, before you discovered yoga, to be hiding behind some masks?

Speaker 2 10:19

It's interesting because I never even considered it. I was driving on such a survival mode that I didn't even realize how much embedded in my personality in the beginning of my career that was Because I moved to the Netherlands 20 years ago, found myself with quote unquote country of opportunity and who you are of not taking advantage of it. But it's kind of the similar story to small town girl goes into the big town and things has skills that can be definitely abused to big corporations and I've actually proven that that's the case. I was not, on paper, the best candidate, but I really, through grind and through making sure that I learn as much as I can, I managed to build a pretty impressive career, one can say. But I remember vividly I used to be called the Criminator that was my nickname, mind you, it was not for too long, but there was a very, very big chunk of the start of my career where the criminator took kind of life on its own, like everyone knew about me.

Speaker 2 11:37

Reputation was there, um, as someone that is tough, someone that can get things done, someone that expects excellence not just from herself mostly from herself but then everyone around me. I was building teams that everyone was jealous of and wanted to be part of, and then the softness of it all came through. I needed an outlook of where can I actually rest, where can I recover, where can I actually recenter myself? And yoga was immediately. I would say I was lucky enough that I found my career, growth and yoga almost simultaneously, which is not for everyone, and I know that most of us will go into a work hard. I'll get a, I'll find some spiritual practice and then I'll figure it out.

Speaker 1 12:35

Yeah, yeah, you had a little bit of time where the creminator was formed and then yoga came in before you had to go through that burnout experience.

Speaker 2 12:46

And I definitely. I'm so grateful because I recognize that taking care of ourselves as a leader, as a human being, as any label we want to put on ourselves, is so important. It's so important and luckily we have all these beautiful tools sometimes at our disposal. Sometimes we find them when we mostly need them. But I like to think that I found yoga when I moved to the netherlands, because I was very detached from my roots. One class is what it took to be like. Oh yeah, I've been doing this all my previous life.

Speaker 2 13:27

Possibly she is for a reason, because it just clicked yeah it just clicked and I've been doing both ever since, like teaching, practicing and leading and building communities and career out of my passions. Yeah, you know that I'm sitting. You is like if you would have met me when I was used to be called the criminator. I don't think how our paths would have crossed right.

Speaker 1 14:03

No, not unless so when you say criminator, and there was no softness for a bit there, it was like you know. You could have gone and gone and gone until there was burnout. Um, I worked for a while in the silicon valley. Now that I'm 53 years old, it actually seems like it was relatively short slice of time, but at the time, if you know, it was like I was in my early 30s, that's all there was. I had this jaw tension I'm an incredibly sensitive, intuitive person underneath and I had body tension trying to hold back like floodgates of emotion and intuition and energy to fit into the corporate boxes that I now say.

Speaker 1 14:51

The Silicon Valley can be one of the most masked up places in the world and when I left one job to go to another one, something opened, especially like I was leaving, but I stayed for six weeks because there was a merger happening and it was like I could make it a smooth transition and and get a bonus and then take two weeks off and then go to the new job.

Shifting from force to flow

The magic of authenticity in communication

Speaker 1 15:19

So it was like the jaw tension left in that building and I would imagine that if we had met when you were the creminator and I had the like you know people said they would pass me in the hall and they thought I was angry. So if we had met then we might have clicked in a different way. And it's not an accident that we're meeting now, because when you say creminator, and I look at your face and I feel your energy I believe you because I know so many people have gone through that and you don't look like you have that hardness. I've just met you about a week ago for the listeners who don't even know and it feels like you have the softness and the fire, like I still believe you can get things done and that it comes now from flow and energy as opposed to like tension and force yeah, and it feels so different.

Speaker 2 17:22

it feels so different with, with interacting with others, with making sure that the best results are still there, and we don't even need to redefine the best results. What is best, it's just that the old narratives of like hard work and grind and pushing it's interesting because I'm dialing in from an incubator that we're making sure that all the startups are pitching well and speaking their pitch of four minutes and it's a massive competition and the small things I can tell them as nuggets is be as authentic as you can be with the story you're telling, because people sense when you're like pushing or forcing or like we sense it. It's your vocal core. You know better than me, but uh, in terms of today, for instance, someone was announced like we didn't see them winning before. They literally stripped all those masks and all those pretension and all those things that they are not and they were themselves and they were telling the story, not scripted, and it was something that had to happen for them.

Speaker 2 18:47

And we were there to witness it and I thought that's pure magic. That's what it is.

Body signals: burnout & boundaries

Speaker 1 18:53

Yeah, I agree, I am lucky enough to spend the majority of my time doing some version of that with people Like watching when the masks get stripped away, the light that is the person. It's like the person is on a dimmer, so when I see them they can be all masked up and I can still see, feel the flicker of the light underneath. And then, the more they shed the masks and the veils and the armor, it's like someone is turning the dimmer up, up, up, up up to its full potential and it's very contagious.

Speaker 2 19:33

People want to be around people that are being themselves and I hate the word authenticity because we've been overusing it in many contexts, from marketing to all other parts of our lives, but it truly resonates with that. That's what it is. Today, I witnessed teams being themselves and it simply resonates. Yeah.

Speaker 1 19:58

Yeah, it resonates more fully. I know authenticity is like it's been a top value for me and it you know I've been in business for 17 years. In 2008, we did a values excavation exercise in a coaching class and that was one of the top ones. And sometimes I use raw authenticity instead to be like that's part of to sort of take back the word, the value that I love so much. But truth, resonant things like that true you.

Weaving corporate, yoga, and voice

Speaker 2 20:35

It's like authentic you, but true you and and it brings the point of you know, when you step away from integrity, like, how does it feel in in your physical body, how does it sit with you? Um, we spoke about when we are maybe in positions where we need to feel like we have to defend ourselves. Of course, tension in the jaw, or, for me, was actually having my full body, like my, my skin, getting with massive urticaria. I didn't get into an official burnout and I do this because we can call it breakthroughs, breakdowns, whatever but my body was definitely telling me you have to put boundaries so that my whole body would be with this, like 10 days of horrible episodes where I'll be just like, not able to function. Yeah, what is?

Speaker 1 21:33

hortifera. Is it a rash? What is it?

Speaker 2 21:36

Yeah, and it was just a rash of cortisol in my body, in my physical body, not being able to digest everything that is happening, because I would imagine that we rarely pay attention to how much emotions we need to digest. You know, one work day, from running to your boss to speaking with allies, to speaking to I would make jokes. Um, here goes the jokes again. Uh, you never, you never know. When you enter in a boardroom, like who has your back, who doesn't. And it's so interesting because you have meeting before the big meeting, before the meeting, so realignments. And then you go to the actual meeting and you're like, oh, I was thrown under the bus. There was many occasions like that and how you incorporate it in your body that you're like, oh, I need to disperse this energy that feels like I need to be on guard all the time.

Speaker 1 22:39

Yeah, those were fun times so how did your journey with the corporate world and yoga and digesting these situations and finding your voice go?

Speaker 2 22:58

yeah, I started my career in 2007. Prior to that, I definitely was doing some any job you can think of. I was in a cruise ship. I was in a so-called startup, although we didn't know what a startup is. Back then in Bulgaria, there was no version of what is a startup Not like in the States, definitely not like Silicon Valley. But I would apply for so many roles and I got the first job with Rebook and Adi and I started my career in 2007 there and I built it up and in 2008, I was already teaching, mainly because I was doing yoga in the gym at the time that we had in the office in Amsterdam and someone just approached me and asked are you the yoga teacher? And I'm like, no, I'm not, they're like, but would you like to be one? I'm like oh, what does it entail? Like I. I really didn't know. I didn't comprehend what the question the question was or the ask, but I was teaching yoga twice a week after I've finished two, three yoga educations that they send me to the states, which is great. I know that people go to india, but I was very fascinated to learn from.

Speaker 2 24:21

How do we make it for busy people, it for people that might not want to understand all the language. How do we maybe not even have all the props? How do we really start with where we are? How do we start with what we have? How do we ask people to push literally, physically push their desks away so we create space for our well-being, like quite literally?

Speaker 2 24:49

And how many times I needed to be begging for a place where we can store our mats, or when there was a sample sale, people would think that we're selling the mats and they will buy them and I'll run behind them to bring it back. This was not for sale, just to have space for people to practice. And I knew the power of the practice immediately, because my mind is so busy all the time, if it's not gazillion projects, it's going to be the emails that I haven't answered. So your question is like how did you blend it? They, they almost simultaneously happened and I noticed that the more I was practicing my, my personal practice the more opportunities came to me, my career, I would see things before they happen.

Speaker 2 25:46

Quite literally. It was one of the biggest promotion I got was that they were hey, she does yoga all the time. We have an opening for head of women's sportswear, let's say, and for Rebook Yoga was a massive thing. And they were would you like to kind of lead the whole thing for Europe? And I was like, of course, I mean, I know. I mean, I know the brand well, I know what we need and that's how I entered back into it, because I had many, many, uh, different positions in in the organization. But that's literally how it opened up space for me, different from moving from corporate to be a keynote speaker.

Speaker 2 26:36

It was again a similar kind of attempt. I knew I needed to make more connections with people that do not sell shoes, because I realized that was my whole network. It's either your teachers or people that sell shoes, and there was nothing in between. And I saw those beautiful conferences and I was like, oh, let me go there. And initially I was thinking, oh, let's bring the whole team, so we would go as a team. But because the team budget goes very fast for three conferences and you don't have budget anymore. I started negotiating with the organizers, saying they're like, if you want to speak on our either podcast or platform, we'll give you tickets. And I was like that's great, I'll take the tickets for my team.

Speaker 1 27:33

And then I started yeah, I hear lots of synchronicity and flow in the journey. Once you discovered, you know, you've got people coming up to you saying do you teach yoga? Sign from the universe, no, I don't, would you like. To you, you say yes, follow that path. And these things are blending together with a lot of flow and ease.