Todd Sylvester: Addiction Recovery Coach on Self-Belief and Purpose

Addiction recovery coach Todd Sylvester joins Making a Man to talk about addiction, identity, self-belief, discipline, and how young people can take control of their lives.

Todd shares how taking a drink at 11 years old led him down a destructive path, cost him a basketball scholarship, and eventually became the foundation for his life’s work helping people struggling with addiction, anxiety, depression, lack of self-esteem, and lack of purpose.  

This conversation gives practical life advice for young men, parents, and teens who want to build stronger self-belief, avoid destructive choices, and understand why identity matters before real change can happen.

Todd Sylvester is an addiction recovery and personal development coach who has been clean and sober for 36 years and works with teenagers, parents, and adults through coaching, speaking, and his podcast.  

On Making a Man, we have honest conversations about what it takes to grow, succeed, and become a well-balanced person. Kevin and Axel sit down with men who have done meaningful things in their lives and learn from the experience, perspective, mistakes, and wisdom they have earned along the way.  

Timestamps

0:00 - Introduction
0:36 - Todd’s Story
3:27 - How Teens Can Avoid Addiction
5:31 - Replacing Limiting Beliefs
7:54 - The Impact of Optimism
10:04 - How to Take Control of Your Life
12:04 - How Do I Know If I'm an Addict?
15:31 - Shaping Future Generations
17:01 - Creating Positive Habits
19:11 - Creating Daily Rituals
20:55 - Closing Thoughts

Key Topics
- Addiction recovery coach
- Todd Sylvester addiction recovery
- Mental fitness for teens
- Life advice for young men
- Self-belief and identity
- Addiction prevention
- Morning routine for success
- Personal development for teens

About Making a Man

On Making a Man, we have honest conversations about what it takes to grow, succeed, and become a well-balanced person. Kevin and Axel sit down with men who have done meaningful things in their lives and learn from the experience, perspective, mistakes, and wisdom they have earned along the way.

We talk about discipline, confidence, responsibility, leadership, purpose, family, success, and the lessons that help young people become more capable adults. The goal is not hype or quick motivation. It is practical wisdom, real conversation, and perspective that can help the next generation grow into stronger, more grounded people.

Subscribe for more in depth conversations like this one! 

Transcript

Making A Man (00:17)
Hello, everybody. Welcome back to another episode of Making a Man. Today we have Mr. Todd Sylvester on with us and we're super excited to have him on. Yeah. Thanks, Todd, for joining us.

Todd Sylvester (00:26)
Yeah, thanks, Kevin. Thanks, Axel, for having me. Again, love what you do, and it's an honor to be on your show.

Making A Man (00:32)
that means a lot. Thanks for everyone listening or watching. Todd is a leading authority in the field of mental fitness, which is a good topic for us, right? And he is known for inspiring others to make permanent lifestyle changes. He uses his firsthand experience beating addiction to connect with thousands of teenagers, parents and adults.

And Todd, the first thing that I would ask you is if you could go back and tell us how you got here, maybe talk to us a little bit about your journey. That would be an interesting where to place to start.

Todd Sylvester (01:03)
Yeah,

that's a great question. It's kind of a loaded question, but I'll do my best to make it short. The reason why I'm sitting in front of both of you two and on your show today is because I took a drink of alcohol when I was 11 years old and little did I know what path that that was going to take me down in my life. And that opened up the door to every other drug on the planet. I had an all or nothing mentality. I still do to this day when I'm into something I'm all in good or bad.

And I was all in and I bought into it. fell in love with it. And basketball was my passion. know Axel, you like to play soccer and golf and, you know, basketball was my thing. I was going to play in college. was going to get college scholarship. I was going to play in the NBA. That was my dream. And I worked my butt off. I practiced three hours every single day and I was obsessed with it, but unfortunately I was also obsessed with getting high. And I actually earned a college scholarship.

got a full ride scholarship and then I lost it because I was getting high. And when that happened, it destroyed me. It, it, was, you know, I don't know if you've ever felt shame before, but shame is I'm a bad person. And I just believed I was this bad person. And so I tried out at several other colleges, got cut from every single one of them and realized basketball is no longer part of my life or going to be. And so I decided I was going to end my life.

And I planned it all out and I'm getting ready to end my life and I had a miracle happen. And I don't, know, for whatever you guys believe in, or you're even your listeners, whether it's a higher power or God or whatever it may be in your life, God saved my life when I didn't even believe in God. And it was a miracle. And that's a big, long story as well. But when that happened, guys, I decided I was going to dedicate my life to helping other people who are struggling with addiction.

Making A Man (02:41)
Mm-hmm.

Todd Sylvester (02:57)
or anxiety, depression, lack of self-esteem or self-hatred, lack of purpose, whatever it may be. And I've now, I've been clean and sober now for 36 years, and this has been my life's work.

Making A Man (03:10)
That's amazing. What a journey and what a story. Thanks for sharing that. appreciate it. Axe, you want to fire off? So Mr. Todd, how can young people avoid a horrible addiction?

Todd Sylvester (03:12)
You

Yeah, you bet.

You

Well, that's a great question. And it's really difficult as a kid because there's so many pressures, especially nowadays with social media and trying to fit in. And, I think, you know, that was my problem back then, Axel is that I was always trying to fit in. wanted to be, I wanted to be known. I wanted to have friends. I wanted to be popular. And I think that's a natural thing for all of us. We want that connection because it feels good. Right. And when I, when I started drinking and doing drugs, I

Making A Man (03:53)
Hmm?

Todd Sylvester (03:59)
I was fitting in with a certain crowd, right? But it felt good to be quite honest. I felt like I belonged and I felt like, okay, this is good. But looking back, you know, now knowing more, obviously, the problem wasn't drugs or alcohol. The problem was I had a belief that I wasn't good enough. And that belief was a lie, but I didn't know it at the time. At the time, it was real to me. I just believed ultimately that I wasn't good enough, that I was stupid.

Making A Man (04:18)
Hmm.

Todd Sylvester (04:28)
that I would never make it, no girl is ever going to want to marry me. mean, the list went on, right? And so one of the things I even teach my clients to this day, Axel and Kevin, is that the single greatest question in my opinion that you need to answer with conviction is who are you? Okay. And here's why, because the best definition I've ever heard of depression is pretending to be someone you're not.

So when I was doing drugs and drinking and partying, I was pretending to be someone I'm not, or in other words, I was off center of who I really was, right? But I didn't know how to answer that question back then. so anyone listening, any young kids listening right now, that is the question you need to be able to answer with conviction. Who are you? And that is powerful. That identity, knowing who you are is the most powerful anti-depressant on the

planet.

Making A Man (05:27)
That's good. Are there any other, I love that question by the way, but are there any other, I think a lot of kids struggle with, and adults for that matter, of not believing in themselves? Along with that question, how can people...

Todd Sylvester (05:42)
Yeah.

Making A Man (05:47)
think about replacing those types of limiting self beliefs or limiting thoughts to replace them with empowering ones. Are there any other things that you suggest or that when you work with someone that you have them do?

Todd Sylvester (05:59)
Absolutely. And to answer this in a very simple and precise way because of our time is that anyone listening to this, one of the things you can do, and this is really powerful and it's so simple. So do not let the simplicity trip you up, but write down all the negative things you tell yourself. It's a very vulnerable exercise. Like, like my list would have been back then. I'm stupid. I look funny. No girl's ever going to want to be with me, you know, and I could go on, right? I was, I'm stupid, right?

Making A Man (06:28)
Yeah.

Todd Sylvester (06:29)
So that's a vulnerable thing to do because we don't like to even admit to ourselves, man, that's how I talk to myself. It's, it's almost on a subconscious level, right? And then what you do is you take and create another list and you create it and, and, and, and do the opposite with your name. So for instance, if it says I'm stupid on this, I call it the champion list. I would say I taught him brilliant because we have to start somewhere and we have to start with changing the narrative.

or the story about ourselves. And one of the most powerful things I learned is that the most powerful force in the human psyche is the story we tell ourselves about ourselves. So if you can, as a young kid learn that, okay, I'm going to work on my narrative on a daily basis. Cause I go into the gym, right? It's the going to the gym is important and it's great. You feel amazing when you work out. When we work out our mind and our hearts too, on the same effort we do our body.

That's where the magic happens, right? That's when miracles start to happen. That's when we can move mountains. Because if we can create a narrative that's powerful and strong by doing that simple exercise, and then once you got that champion list, if you will, or the positive list, you make that your daily affirmations, if you will, that becomes what you tell yourself in replacement of those negative things.

Making A Man (07:33)
Mm-hmm.

Todd, think it was in our second or third episode, it was a while ago, but...

we have this thing and it started when he was really little one time he said you know I'm so tired of bad things always happening to me and I was like no and every night we made him say this like my name is Axel James Ramseyer and great things happen to me you know like he just repeats that and then I think that self-belief all of a sudden you start seeing the world a little differently whether it's the universe or God or whatever it is opportunities start presenting themselves to you when you keep your open mind with that positive mindset right

Todd Sylvester (08:04)
Hmm.

Yeah, I got chills when you said that. That's powerful. I love that.

Making A Man (08:27)
Good.

And I think a lot of people, like a lot of kids my age and a lot of people in general, they just don't like step back and look at the whole picture of like, and try to pick out what's good. They're really pessimistic. It's true.

Todd Sylvester (08:44)
Yeah. Yeah. that's,

well, and I think Axel, that's why it's so cool. You're doing this because you're an amazing example to these younger kids. Like, I mean, obviously you're on this podcast. You've got a great mentor and your father there. And to see the way you carry yourself, that light and that example that you're showing to other people that will go so far because we can say all we want to say.

But when they see you doing it, and that's what you do, Axel. And I want you to know how much I admire you for your bravery and your willingness to like really up your game. And again, thankfully you got an amazing father and a mother too behind the scenes. know that. She's really running the show, right? But I just want you to know that's why I admire you. And I think one of the things kids listening to this right now, look at Axel as an example and a role model and a mentor to yourself. I mean,

Making A Man (09:24)
Yeah, she does all the work. Yeah, she said this all along.

Todd Sylvester (09:38)
Use him as your barometer and if you're on that level, you know you're probably on the right path.

Making A Man (09:44)
Thank you so much. Yeah, and I'm really grateful to be in this situation. Good question. yeah. So when a teenager comes to you for help, what do you teach them to do to take control of their life?

Todd Sylvester (09:45)
You're welcome, man.

I know you are. Yeah, I know you are.

Well, number one, like we talked about, I help them answer the question who they are with conviction. And that's one of my favorite things to do, like of all with my clients is that. Number two is that a lot of my clients who are struggling, whether it's addiction or depression or anxiety, what I've noticed is a lot of them lack resilience and that comes from not putting in work. And not to say they're not trying, but a lot of them, like they get stuck in this rut where

They're hoping for some miracle to land in their lap or someone to come knocking on their door. And that can happen from time to time because miracles do happen. But it comes down to, I think you guys have heard this quote before, the magic you're looking for is in the work you're avoiding. And so I teach my clients to put in the work because it's not rocket science. If I want to be better, it's not rocket science. If I put in the effort and I follow the right mentor,

Making A Man (10:47)
Yep.

Todd Sylvester (10:59)
Because the right mentor is worth more than a four-year degree by far. Then if I'm doing that work, there's no question I'm going to get the result that I came there looking for, if that makes sense. So know who you are, put in the work, and then it's working on that ultimate belief of I am enough, kind like what your dad was doing with you, Axel, like, you know what? Good things do happen to me all the time, that kind of thing.

Making A Man (11:24)
Mm-hmm.

Todd Sylvester (11:25)
And I believe that's where we become creators and manifestors and, you know, we create the destiny of our life.

Making A Man (11:33)
It's like you have to create a good mindset for yourself.

Todd Sylvester (11:36)
Absolutely. Yeah. And again, it takes work to do that, you So.

Making A Man (11:39)
Yeah, anything

worth accomplishing is not, you know, takes hard work and a lot of effort. I think what you do is so needed right now. There are so many young people specifically.

Todd Sylvester (11:46)
Absolutely.

Making A Man (11:53)
that are struggling with some type of addiction. And my question for you is, if someone is, let's say they're 25 years old, they're starting their career, and they're having a drink on the weekend, but they're frustrated, when, when do you know, I'm drinking socially, or am I an addict? Like, I don't understand that line. Is it? Can you can you

Todd Sylvester (12:15)
Yeah.

Making A Man (12:19)
Can you drink socially and not be addicted to this stuff? where, where does in your mind, where does that start and begin?

Todd Sylvester (12:26)
Great question. And you know, it's probably different for everyone. One of the best definitions of addiction I've ever heard is the perpetual avoidance of legitimate suffering. So let me repeat that. The perpetual avoidance of legitimate suffering. So if I'm drinking on the weekends, I may not necessarily be addicted to alcohol, right? But if I'm using that as a way to avoid the stresses of the week, the stresses of life, and again,

Making A Man (12:30)
Yeah.

Todd Sylvester (12:55)
Not that we shouldn't try to figure out ways to lighten our stress, but that is the most unhealthy way to do it in my opinion. And so they may not be addicted. Yes, some people can drink socially and they don't get addicted and it doesn't blow up their life. But typically if we're doing something to avoid legitimate suffering, like the stresses of the week, that's why working out. I love working out. It's my morning medication. I hit the gym and I go hard because I...

Making A Man (13:01)
Yeah.

Todd Sylvester (13:25)
There's no drug or drink on the planet that makes me feel the way I feel after a workout. And so, so that's a great question. So it's a fine line. I would recommend to anyone listening to this, I promise you this, you'll never miss not drinking alcohol, but you will one day regret if you continue. You may not regret it in the moment right now, but you will one day regret it if, if it doesn't eventually kill you. And so.

Making A Man (13:34)
Yeah.

That's second to none.

Mm.

Yeah.

Todd Sylvester (13:52)
It's just a fine line. Why put poison in your body? I think it's poison. I really truly do.

Making A Man (13:58)
Thanks for that. Thank you. So what would you say is the greatest piece of advice that you've ever received from someone?

Todd Sylvester (14:06)
boy,

it's this and I actually have it on my office wall. You can't see it over here, but I have my clients sit behind me and I have them read this out loud because it's the single greatest truth who's ever told to me. And it says this, the most delightful surprise in life is to suddenly recognize there's nothing wrong with you. And I was like, what? When I first heard this, okay, because I grew up with this belief system. We're going back to that, right? That I wasn't enough.

And I disbelieved ultimately something's wrong with me inherently. Like everyone seems to got life figured out, but for some reason I can't figure it out. And therefore something must be wrong with me. But the truth was, which I didn't know at the time that ultimately there was really nothing wrong with me, but the story I told myself that there was something wrong with me, that's what won the day. So that's why I got to change the narrative. But the truth was there's ultimately nothing wrong with me. That doesn't mean I don't have stuff to work on.

It just means to my core, I'm unshakably good. Just like you two, you're unshakably good. Anyone listening to this right now, if you are struggling and feeling like you're not enough, that's a lie because you're unshakably good. We have stuff to work on, but anyway, that's the best advice, the best truth that's ever been told to me.

Making A Man (15:23)
That's really good. I love this. This is good. Todd, as a father, coach, mentor, what legacy do you most want to leave to kind of shape future generations?

Todd Sylvester (15:38)
Wow, great question. Well, one, think the only way you can leave a legacy is if you write your story down because a hundred years from now, people are going to forget Todd. But if my story's written down a hundred years from now, some kid in high school can read my story and it could save his life. And if man, that's a legacy, man. But when it comes to what you're, you know, like now, like I have four kids, I have four grandchildren. I want them to know that I show up, that I was there for them.

Making A Man (15:58)
Yeah.

Todd Sylvester (16:08)
And that I was the example, kind of like Axel, that you're the example to these younger kids now. I want my kids to go, I want to be like my father. If they say that I've done my job. Cause I have, I work with so many clients where their kids will say, I don't want to be anything like my parents. And man, that would crush me. I don't think I could deal with it. I don't think I could live with that. And so if I can have my kids say, I want to be just like my father.

Making A Man (16:21)
Man.

Mm-hmm.

Todd Sylvester (16:37)
And then as they're older, which they are, I'm an empty nester now. But what's cool is my kids still want to hang out with their dad. And that tells me, okay, I did something right. You know, I did something right. Definitely not a perfect father, I, know, so that's kind of way I look at it, if that makes sense.

Making A Man (16:44)
Yeah.

You sure did.

Well, you look like the healthiest, youngest grandfather I've ever met. Yeah. So you must enjoy spending time with your grandkids as well, I'm sure. what are some positive habits that, that should I create to grow into a great man?

Todd Sylvester (17:00)
Thank you.

Thank you. I'll take that compliment.

Great question. Win the day. And how you do that is you win the first hour of the day. And so my mentor, 35 years ago, now, geez, this will really date me. He said, the single greatest thing you can do, Todd, if you want to change your life and make your life on the right track, he says, you got to come up with a morning routine. And I've learned this, that if you win the first hour of the day, you have won the day. If you lose the first hour of the day,

You spend the rest of the day looking for it. And so I do this thing every morning, Axel and Kevin called my hour of power. And this is where I set my intent. read my personal declaration statement. I spend time visualizing my day in my life. I read 30 minutes from this powerful book called mind is the master by James Allen. It's a thick book. took me six years to get through it. I'm going through it a second time and then I'll.

Making A Man (18:10)
Mm-hmm.

Todd Sylvester (18:15)
The last 15 minutes of my hour of power, I'll spend 10 minutes in the silence and then I'll write a letter of appreciation, drop it in the mail to someone. And I do that consistently five days a week. And I'll tell you, Axel, if you could start incorporating a morning routine, and it wouldn't doubt me if you're already doing it. But that is the single greatest gift I have ever given myself. I have a better memory because I do this hour of power. have.

Making A Man (18:33)
Thank

Todd Sylvester (18:43)
more love, I have more energy, have less anxiety, less depression, I have better self-esteem, I have better relationships, I have more power, I have more authority when I speak because of that hour power. I would not trade that for anything. So if I had one thing to share with the entire world and I got one minute to do it, it would be create a morning routine that sets the day and wins the day for you.

Making A Man (19:07)
Wow, Todd you you when you wake up, you're working out or do you go right in you literally take an hour to go through this kind of same ritual every day.

Todd Sylvester (19:17)
Great question. So I get up at 4 15. I hit the gym for an hour. I come back, shower, get ready. And then I do my hour power. Now I'm alert and I do, and I spend an hour working on my mind and my heart. And then I start seeing clients as early as seven 30 in the morning.

Making A Man (19:36)
Wow. And if someone's watching this and they're connecting with you, because I think that's important. Like if you're going to seek help from someone, it's good to like have this connection and this innate thing that you might not have even talked to him, but you feel just from an interview like this, this is someone that can relate to me and probably help me. How do they work with you? it over like Zoom or video calls? Is it in person or combination of both?

Todd Sylvester (20:03)
Yeah, it's a combination of both. have, you know, obviously it's a little bit more in person where I live currently. You know, I've been doing this for 36 years, so I have a good reputation and a lot of people know what I do. But I also have, you know, clients all over the country and a few outside of the country even where we do via zoom or, or other avenues online. And so that's one way I do speaking events and I have my own podcast as well. And those are other areas where people can connect with me.

Making A Man (20:33)
That's great. And on your website too, like that's probably the best way to get ahold of you.

Todd Sylvester (20:39)
Yeah, website or, you know, mean, my email is Todd at Toddinspires.com. that's a great way for, you know, people want to just drop me an email. I'll respond as soon as I can and help.

Making A Man (20:51)
Yeah, we'll

put links on on the show notes on all of this too. So it's a great it's a great domain Todd inspires because you've certainly inspired us today. I really appreciate you sharing your story and and what motivates you and the experiences that you've been through. You have walked through the fire and to be able to hold someone's hand so that they can avoid some of these some of these things is really special. So I appreciate you sharing that.

Todd Sylvester (20:55)
Sweet.

Thank you.

You bet. appreciate the opportunity to share. I think when we're in these kinds of positions, I think that's why we're here on this planet is to share because words have power. James Allen, who wrote the book, As a Man Thinketh, he said, a spoken sentence can turn the tide of history. So when you guys speak, Axel, when you speak, some kid's going to hear your words and you're going to turn the tide of that kid's history in a good way.

Making A Man (21:29)
Yeah.

Todd Sylvester (21:49)
And so that's why I love what you guys are doing and to be a part of it just means the world to me.

Making A Man (21:53)
Thank you for that you've been you've been an unbelievable guest we appreciate your time We'll let you get back to your important work, but thanks for sharing a piece of your day with us All right, we'll see you later.

Todd Sylvester (22:03)
Thanks you guys.