Putting Yourself First Without Guilt: with Anna of Me First Moms

In this episode of The Mommy Pod, transformational coach Anna, founder of Me First Moms. With a Master’s degree in Psychology and over 600 hours of specialized training in attachment-based developmental psychology, Anna helps overwhelmed moms move from emotional drain to purposeful presence.

Anna shares why putting yourself first may be the most powerful thing you can do for your children.

We talk about:
• The Me First paradox
• Breaking generational patterns of overwhelm
• Time mastery and invisible labor
• Healing burnout and rediscovering yourself

This episode is a reminder that motherhood doesn’t mean losing who you are—it can be the beginning of becoming who you were meant to be.

Most active FB https://www.facebook.com/mefirstmoms/
But also the same handle for IG and Youtube as well as the website mefirstmoms.com

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0FLTRVRYB

Step into a world of magic, colors, and wonder with The Royal Adventures of Princess Liliana: The Rainbow Castle — the first enchanting book in a brand-new toddler series made for curious little minds and big imaginations!

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:49

Thank you for listening to the Mommy Pod. This is a disclaimer, yet again. In this episode of Mommy Podcast Coach, Anna, founder of Me First Moms, shares why putting yourself first may be the most powerful thing you can do for your children. We talk about the Me First paradox that she created, breaking generational patterns of overwhelm, time mastery and invisible labor, healing burnout, and rediscovering yourself. This episode is a reminder that motherhood doesn't mean losing who you are. It can be that beginning of becoming who you were meant to be. Welcome back to the Mommy Pod. Today we're joined by Anna, a transformational coach and founder of Me First Moms. With a master's degree in psychology and over 600 hours of specialized training in attachment-based development psychology, Anna helps overwhelmed moms move from emotional drain to purpose presence. Purposeful presence, excuse me. She blends scientific understanding with soulful tools like art therapy and mindfulness to help women just rediscover who they are underneath the overwhelm. Anna, welcome to the Mommy Pod.

SPEAKER_00 2:14

Hello, and thank you for having me here.

SPEAKER_01 2:17

Can you tell us a little bit about your journey and what led you to create Me First Moms?

SPEAKER_00 2:23

Yeah, for sure. Well, I was in this journey on both sides because I was raised by an emotionally overwhelmed mom who was like emotionally absent. And uh so I know the struggle of a kid being raised in such a family. But through my own journey of motherhood, I have two kids. I've been at the place where I found like here I am. I so tried not to be like my mom look at me, and it led me to discovering how I can break free from that overwhelm, how I can stop this cycle, do not pass it down to my children, how I can be more present with them. And through own experience and helping other moms through supports groups from different programs, I saw that wow, we need to really address this topic. And that's how I created this movement because I truly believe that putting ourselves first is something that most people will feel like, oh, it's selfish, you're a mom, you need to devote your life for kids. But it's not about like neglecting kids, it's about making sure that they get the best possible care, that they get most of you, and not just what's left over after all the task. And so it's my vision and mission to redefine motherhood when motherhood doesn't mean self-sacrifice.

SPEAKER_01 3:50

That's awesome. That's such that's so great. Was there a moment in your motherhood journey that you realized that something had to change? I know that you experienced what you experienced growing up, so you saw that and you said you wanted to be different, but was there a moment when you realized like you were kind of going down the same path as your mom and do you want to change?

SPEAKER_00 4:12

For sure. And I remember it like yesterday. It was like nice sunny afternoon. I pick up my son from school, and he was coming to me eagerly telling me something, some story from what happened in school. And I remember noticing that I'm not there, like physically. Yes, I'm sitting and listening here, but my mind is totally on the okay, I need to do that, I need to do that. And I saw myself in his eyes, and I remember that look when you like trying to pour all your soul to the mother, you're sure everything, and it's like you staring the picture. There's no no one behind this picture, and it hit hard. And when I like that night was definitely sleepless for me because I started like thinking what's happening, and I realized that for quite a while I really wasn't feeling happy. I didn't recall what when the last time I was feeling happy. I just like at that night I realized that oh, for quite a while I'm waking up with the thought when this day will be over, because it was so much too much. And whereas, like, in all of that is me. But through my own journey, I also noticed where I get the wrong turn and why it led there. And it was because of a set of different things that happened in my life, I couldn't fully follow what I wanted, and I wanted to get a degree in psychology, I wanted to do that and that, and because of move to the different country, because of like different things, I it was like not achievable, at least it's so like not achievable. And I thought, okay, I will put my dream on a shelf and I will be focusing just on motherhood, I will be just a mom. And that's the moment when I hit the wrong turn because neglecting my own dreams and desire, I disappeared, and it led to the bird down.

SPEAKER_01 6:19

Well, that's really good. Yeah, I it's so funny how we uh experience similar things. Like my son will tell me things, but he wants to talk before bedtime, right before bedtime, and I am just so done with the day. I'm also a teacher, so I'm overwhelmed with like what has come at me for the day, and then I'm overwhelmed, kidding my kids, and then everybody. Anyway, he told me that he was in love and that he had a girlfriend, and that he's five. And I so I brushed it off and I said, Okay, Jace, go to sleep. And then we have a parent teacher conference, and the teacher tells me, So he has our girlfriend, but we're keeping them and my what? So he tried to tell me that I was not present. I mean, I heard, but I didn't, it didn't click, and now I get it when she told me. So yeah, it's important to really be there when our kids are telling us things and really connect.

SPEAKER_00 7:23

Yeah, yeah, and it's what's something I experienced as a child because like you pour and you're trying to tell, and like it doesn't hit anything. It's like and I quite a sensitive child, and I easily pick up on emotions, and I like kind of a doe dog from the tiniest kit, I learned to read in between the lines, and oftentimes she even did need to tell me something. I was like, okay, it's not the time to share, and like I closed up and I didn't share with her anything, and like I definitely didn't want that to be happening in my motherhood. And when I saw myself in that situation on that couch on that afternoon, I was like, Whoa, here I am.

SPEAKER_01 8:17

Wow, so you became a transformational coach for overwhelmed moms. Now, what does that mean in practice?

SPEAKER_00 8:25

Yeah, in practice, it means that I help them not to try to forget that you're a mom and live just for yourself, but really to find the harmony in terms of living for yourself, achieving your goals and dreams, and being there for kids. And in reality, it's even the better thing to do because no matter how many times you will say to your kid, like, go get your dreams, you can be whatever you want to be, but he sees and knows that your dreams laying on a shelf, like it will be incongruent picture, and they wouldn't believe you. But if you show by your actions and like my kids, my biggest cheerleaders, like when I do something and I achieve some of my goals, they're like, Yeah, he's the best, and it's like inspiring for me, but also it's helped me to see that it has the ripple effects on them, and they will see that it's really possible to cheer the dreams, and it's something that for most of moms I would say it feels like selfish at first, but when they see how big of an impact they have on them, on their kids, and their surroundings, it changes a lot. It's like clicks uh finally in the place, like, okay, we're doing something differently and this differently is beautiful.

SPEAKER_01 9:50

I love that. So, one of your signature messages is the me first paradox that putting yourself first is actually one of the most selfless things that you can do for your children. Um, so can you explain what the me first paradox means?

SPEAKER_00 10:07

Yeah, uh, we as a moms in society taught to put ourselves last. Like you need to take care of your kids, you need to do that, you need to like make sure that everything's okay, and somewhere in between you can carry time, but you will feel guilty that you have this time, and also a lot of like popular advice. I remember when I was starting to search for how I can fulfill my own cup, I would start searching, and like all advice was like, okay, take one happy hour a week, like go to spouse, something like that. But like for a lot of months to arrange that one hour, it takes so much effort, and then you feel guilty that you're not there and that you're spending all the time on yourself. And I remember that uh a lot of people use this analogy, like, as they say in a plane, put oxygen mask first on yourself, then on your kids. And I remember like I had so much reject to that phrase because like we as moms we will go into burning buildings to save our kids. We don't care about our safety in those moments. But the analogy of really pouring in your own cup, filling your own cup so you can pour from it, like you cannot get a drink to a kid if your cup is empty, and that's what we're doing when we put our needs first. And it doesn't mean that we neglect our kids, it means that we build our life in a way where we have place for ourselves and for beautiful connection with our kids and for our family, for everything. Because time and time scarcity is another big thing, is like it's all in our head, it's all in our head, and we can influence how we perceive the time and we can use it in our advantage. So a lot of moms would say, like, I don't have time for myself, but in reality, it's about priorities, it's about perceiving that we can make something different.

SPEAKER_01 12:17

Why do you think a lot of moms feel like they don't have time for themselves or they feel guilty for putting themselves first?

SPEAKER_00 12:25

I think a lot of it goes back to our society that we all like okay, you should be a best mom, you should make sure that everything can be taken care of for kids, and also like and also you should be in like workforce and build your profession and all this stuff, and like so many pressure put on ourselves, and also a lot of time we learn this kind of type of behavior from our parents, they learn from their grandparents. When every mom means like sacrifice all your dreams and make sure that kids and like when the kids will get older, then you can live for yourself, but now you can live for yourself even now, and this like I think we on the edge of shifting this paradigm that sits deeply in our society that guilt when moms take care, like we have so many guilt and shame around like taking time for yourself, and a lot of time it goes from our childhood. Like, what are you sitting on the couch doing nothing? Don't waste your time. Why are you so lazy? Like, all those stories they form how we see, how we perceive the reality, and they usually pass down to generation. That's why I always talk about like overwhelm is not something you choose, it's a learned pattern, it's something that passes down into generation to generation, but we have a choice to change it. Yes, it requires time, it requires decision, I would say inner decision that I want to change it, but it's totally achievable.

SPEAKER_01 14:55

I believe that. I believe that I feel like when I focus more on trying not to be so overwhelmed, I put like the intention into it, it helps too. So that's really good. I'm excited to look up your page and um what actually happens to children when their moms are constantly overwhelmed or emotionally drained.

SPEAKER_00 15:19

Yeah, they feel like they need to deal with all this stuff on their own. They usually feel that they need to not every kid, but a lot of kids will feel like they need to tiptoe around their moms, not to trigger, like, oh, we need to be quiet, we need to do that. Uh, also, it's about like not feeling seen, not feeling important, and not like it's part of that paradox that we feel like if we sacrifice everything for our kid, they will feel like we love them to the deepest. But when they see us constantly and overwhelmed, usually kid, all small child will take that everything that is happening is because of them, and they will start feeling guilty, like, oh, I shouldn't done that. Oh, and for some, it will be on sub unconscious level that they will not tell you that, but they feel that they will feel that, and it will impact how they feel themselves in this world. Because when you do not overwhelm, you can really be in deep connection, you can spend that time. It's like not about the amount, it's about the quality of time you spend together. When kid you're trying to tell something and you're somewhere in the clouds, he sees this, he feels that you are not there, that you're not listening, and what like the result? Oh, I'm probably not important, oh, I'm boring, oh, I'm that, oh, I'm that, I'm something wrong. But when you're not overwhelmed, first of all, you react more calmly on anything that they do because you have like a lot of resources, and we all know that. We all know that. For example, imagine that you have a beautiful day, and you come home, and there's like some toy laying down or dirty socks, and like, oh, dirty socks, and you will put them away. But imagine if you're going home and like your car stopped uh on some like uh in some traffic, then like grocery bag turned up, and like there's was not something like you're all frustrated, you all irritated, you come in and like those socks. You kind of erupt because of those socks. We all know that, and the same goes with kids' behavior when we take time to make sure that our own cup is full, we can react more calmly and it creates more space for them, and also they feel that overwhelm. A lot of kids will sense that overwhelm, and they cannot articulate what's happening, but they will show up in their behavior, they will be more irritated, more triggering, more yelling, more all of that bad behavior. But it's not because they're bad and not because they want to trigger us, just because they sense it, and it's like scientifically proof that we can sense hormones and all that through our body, and they sense it and they don't know what's happening with their nervous system, but like they cannot trigger it. So it's goals in all ways, and it's also influenced not only kids, your overwhelming influence your relationship with your spouse, it how the whole energy in your household, because we like our energy field is like much bigger than we are, our physical, like hormonal field much bigger than we are, and we influence it all.

SPEAKER_01 18:55

100%. But you said something that makes me like wonder. My son, I will tell him that I'm overwhelmed. I I will like try to calm down and let him know, and he will take that and just be like, Great, you're overwhelmed.

SPEAKER_00 19:11

Yeah, yeah, and like kids naturally know that they don't need to hold the emotions and they release them. That's why they're so reactive, and we uh were taught to hold all our emotions back, so we need to learn how we can release our emotions as well. And we like literally sometimes would play in the games like who will scream the loudest, who will roar the biggest roar, who will stomp like a biggest bear, like all the games that will help release all those emotions, and it also teach them to release all the emotions in more like calm manner in terms that like not to hit someone, but like release it and not to hold those emotions back. So kids usually will translate what we feel into the world, and when we learn to translate our emotions as well, it will help. And a lot of parents, there was some shift at some point that a lot of parents were told like, uh, you don't need to show your kids to kids that you're upset, that you're frustrated, you like need to stay this all calm and all present, and do not show any emotions to the kid. But what but it actually destroys you for first of all, because you need to like oh yeah, you need to get up, you feel guilty if you like scream for a while or something like that. But also it's hard for kids. Imagine that they see that all parents like all this calm, all this present, and they feel big anger, and they really become scared. Like, what's happening? What's happening with me? I'm I'm broken, what's happening? Because they never see this. So expressing to kids emotions is absolutely okay. It's it's even good with only one thing, is that they don't feel that they're responsible for your emotions, and that you show how you can manage your emotions, how you can calm down, how you can release in a safe manner, and to teach them how to regulate the emotions as well. And unfortunately, a lot of us were not told that.

SPEAKER_01 21:28

No, and that's so good to know because I wonder sometimes am I doing the right thing by telling him how I'm feeling? But it seems yes, because when my family, like they would get annoyed or irritated or frustrated or whatever was going on, they didn't really explain that to me or why. So, yes, I did take it on. But with my son and my daughter, I will tell them the why. And I was wondering if like that's an okay thing to do. So thank you for confirming that it is.

SPEAKER_00 21:58

You're welcome. Like, I do this also. I will tell my son, like, oh yay, mommy's cup today is super small, like bear with me. Because they also need to understand what's happening. It's like the only thing is that they make sure that they don't feel like it's like I'm angry and not because of you, I'm just angry, like because a lot of things start working for me as I want, but like it's okay to show the emotions.

SPEAKER_01 22:25

Yeah, all right, and you have this beyond the bubble bath lie. Um, I love the idea that you talk about traditional self-care sometimes misses the root of burnout. So, what do you mean by the bubble bath lie?

SPEAKER_00 22:42

Yeah, it's that happy hour type of self-care that you need to take a bath and you will feel better. You will you need to go to spa or like go to hairdresser or something like that, and like it will fulfill your cup. But in reality, it's not because a lot of times we uh will feel more or less happy for that hour. But first of all, how many preparation you need and arrange baby care and all that stuff in order to get there, then you feel guilty, and like it's not sustainable because you have a spike of good energy, and then you drop even lower because the next day, or you come back home all recharged and like hit with the reality of all the demands, and you feel worse. So, what I tend to do for myself and what help my clients is that we need to incorporate small, tiny joys all over the day as a sprinkle. Through your day because five minutes here, five minutes there, and for small things that fulfill you, and it can be as simple as watching the birds or listening to the birds, watching the clouds, drinking favorite cup of tea. Those small microjoys they help you sustain a good amount of energy, first of all. It helps you to be fulfilled throughout the day, not just one hour a week and that's it. And it's actually 15 minutes a day, it's more than one hour a week, way more than one hour a week. But also, it's about like uh self-care is not only about our body. Yes, we need to take care of our body, but it's also about what are your environments, what are smells, what like how you see your environment, how it feels to be in your environment, what relationship you have in your house. Like it all goes to this holistic approach to our well-being, because we need to make sure about our health, about our relationship, about our mind, mental health, about our emotional health, about uh how we feel ourselves in this world. Like, there's so much more levels than just like, oh, go get your nails done and you will be happy.

SPEAKER_01 25:02

Thank you for clarifying that. Because I was like, what are you talking about? I love a bubble bath moment. Love a bubble bath moment, but that makes so much better sense. A little five minutes here, five minutes there. That's great. And what are the real root causes of burnout for moms? Is it because they just don't take a break? They don't do that, they don't do that five minutes of self-care?

SPEAKER_00 25:28

Uh, it's not only about five minutes and like Bible bath, nothing wrong with them. If you enjoy them, go for it, girl. Nothing holds you back, it just shouldn't be the only outlet where you get your energy back. Uh, and uh the actual like burnout is going from all these demands and all the rules that we set upon ourselves that set up from our society how the good mom should behave, what she should do, how she should raise the kids. And even if you go to like online community uh for months, you will always see see like someone shares, and like the other moms will jump on and like, no, you're doing wrong. Like, there is no right or wrong for every different situation, isn't it? It's like every different situation, every different relationship, even your relationship with your daughter, your relationship with your son is two totally different stories. And all moms who have more than one kid know that what works with one will not work with another one. And the same goes to mothers, and but we have all those rules, all the pressure, oh, what other will think about me, what will they say, what if they will judge me? But all this pressure is comes down to that we trying to figure out the best way, only to figure out that there is no best way, there is right way in every single given moment. And like even with raising the kids, if you, for example, let's go in polarities, if you, for example, in some kid place, kids can yell and jump, and you will be okay with that. But if you, for example, at the funeral, let's say, and your kids start jumping and screaming, like not the right moment, you will make probably anything that you need, and sometimes it can be like physically dragging out your kid into other room to calm down, like that wouldn't be appropriate in another place, because life has own plans and we need to accommodate by it, but it doesn't mean that you're a bad mom because that happened. But oftentimes we will feel so much guilt and shame, and like, oh, I'm the worst mom ever.

SPEAKER_01 27:47

Yeah, but it's not true. So good. Let's touch on the dream modeling because that's what you talk about in your practice. So, the dream modeling, and we talked about it a little bit earlier, and why it's important for women to pursue their dreams. How can we um overcome the overwhelm so that we can pursue our dreams?

SPEAKER_00 28:06

Well, yeah, I would say it's starting from sprinkling your day with microjoys. Five minutes here, five minutes there. Make a list of 10 things that you can really enjoy under five minutes, and it can be as simple as watching the birds or taking a cup of tea or eating your favorite candy. It can be anything simple that brings you joy and start sprinkling it all over your day because it will help elevate your energy, it will create more space, more desire to pursue more things that you have, and also through this quest of searching for those things that you can do that will bring you joy, it will help you to really start remembering what you as a human being enjoy, what you as a woman enjoy, what is there for you beyond the motherhood, and your old dreams will pop up, old desires, all that. Oh, I wish I can do that. You can do that all. And when you start sprinting your day with those five means here, five means there, they accumulate, they bring more energy, and they create more space for you to pursue those bigger things, those bigger goals. And it's the most important thing how you break from that overwhelming because you cannot like I like the analogy of a car. Imagine that car is standing like in the some ditch. You cannot just put it and like go out over the hill. At first, you need to really get it out of the ditch, start climbing up the hill, and when you're up the hill, then you will see all the roads that you can possibly take. So when you fulfill yourself five minutes here, five minutes there, you're running up that hill, and from that elevated energy, you already can see what is ahead, what you can step, when what you can choose.

SPEAKER_01 29:59

That's a good analogy. And what is one thing that you could tell moms that feel completely overwhelmed, like right now, like how I might feel take a deep breath and slowly exhale and enjoy this moment because it all starts from enjoying small moments here and there.

SPEAKER_00 30:26

It's all starts from enjoying and like we have a beautiful source of joy running around us, those little hugs, those eyes that look at you as you are like the idol for them. Think in that, enjoy that, enjoy their laughter, enjoy those tiny things because it one thinks overwhelmed takes our attention to what is not working, and when we shift to what is working, it's have a huge impact.

SPEAKER_01 31:09

What's one step that a mom can take today to be like herself again?

SPEAKER_00 31:14

Sure, you can when you listen to that podcast and it's end, just take a five minutes and ask yourself what I need today, what I need right now, and do it. Do it for yourself, even if it's small things, just do it and remember to ask yourself what is something that you could tell moms that could carry them through this week.

SPEAKER_01 31:38

You've given us a lot of wonderful things that'll carry us through the what's one sentence that you could give moms that'll carry them through this week.

SPEAKER_00 31:45

Just remember that you are chosen to be happy. It's time to claim it, and it starts from your decision.

SPEAKER_01 31:51

I love that. I really hope that we got the part where your children chose you because that was really beautiful. Thank you so much for joining us through this chaotic day. We appreciate you and your time and your wisdom. Parent listening, you are allowed to be an amazing parent and still live a life that belongs to you. This is the Mommy Pod, and I'll see you next time. Thank you for listening.