A Mini Dive into My Journey Into Single Motherhood

In this mini episode of The Mommy Pod, I’m sharing a personal part of my story — what led me to becoming a single mother, Co- Parenting with someone who has hurt you.

This isn’t an easy conversation, but it’s a real one. I open up about my experiences, the decisions I had to make, and the strength it took to choose a different path for myself and my children.

Disclaimer: This episode includes discussion of domestic violence and may be sensitive for some listeners.

If you’re in a similar place or have ever had to rebuild your life from something painful, I hope this reminds you that you’re not alone — and that choosing yourself and your children is always powerful.

Transcript

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Hi everyone and welcome back to the Mummy Pod. This story is a little bit more personal. It's not easy for me to share, but it's necessary because I know that I'm not the only woman who has lived this situation. And I know that I'm not um alone. And I also know that there's someone listening who needs to hear that they're not alone. Today I'm talking about what it's like to build a family with someone who hurt you, and then still have to co-parent with them. This is about first love, soul ties, trauma, and healing in real time. This is my story. I met him when I was 16, and when I say he was my first everything, I mean that my first love, my first real emotional connection with a guy. The first person I saw a future with. When you meet someone that young, you don't realize how deeply they imprint on you. You don't realize that you're not just loving them, you're building your identity around them. He proposed to me when I was still so young, maybe 18 or 19, maybe 20, I don't remember. Um, and I truly believed that at the time that this was my person. He was my forever. This was it. So when he left, it didn't feel like a breakup. It felt like my entire world collapsed. When we broke up after our engagement, I was so devastated. I actually I was crying so hard that I wrecked my car. And I remember him coming to the scene of the accident and just I remember looking at him, expecting something, like some kind of concern, some kind of love, some kind of emotion, just anything on his face. But he just looked at me like I was crazy. Like he couldn't understand why this just happened and why I felt so deeply. Um in that moment, I didn't realize it then, but it was one of my first red flags. I mean, I'm sure there are tons of other red flags, but that was like an obvious one that I should have, you know, took with and ran. Because when someone can't meet you when you're in pain with empathy, then they truly don't love you. But I didn't know that yet. So we went back and forth on and off again for many years because when someone is your first, uh, letting them go just doesn't feel like an option. It felt like losing a piece of myself. Fast forward to 2017. We had been on and off again for a long time, and I remember the last time I just had stayed strong, and I said, no, I'm not going back with you. We cannot do this. I'm in a good place. I'm sorry that you're not, but I'm gonna be strong in this, and I left him. I miss that strong girl. That was like the last time I was ever strong with him. Um, in 2017, we found our way back together again, and this time it felt more real. Because he was living with his mom and stepdad, and his stepdad had moved out at the time because he and his stepdad had gotten into a situation where they just couldn't live together, and so his stepdad moved out, and his mom and he were living together, and you know, he was just a little down. And I told him to come move down here, move to LA, move in with me. I had roommates at the time, they were so mad, I apologized profusely um to them for that. I just was so blinded that I just did not see how disruptive and rude that was. But anyway, um I moved him in with my roommates and I and started this life with him. I thought that we could have this beautiful life together. And in 2020 we had our son, and that's when things started to change in me and just stuff that we fought about, I just couldn't ignore. Um, like when I was pregnant and we're moving uh downstairs to a downstairs apartment, he moved his things, but wouldn't help me move all of my things. He moved everything that we shared together, all of his stuff, but there were a ton of things that I still needed to move, and I remember feeling so overwhelmed, emotional, pregnant, and just needing support and help. And when I let him know that, it just caused a huge argument between us, and I acted as if I was gonna throw his computer, I said that and I walked towards it. I don't think I would have. I don't know, but he put his hands around my neck and put me on the couch. That was the first time that I got physical. And I wish I could say that I left right then, but I didn't. Because the first time something like that happens, your mind tries to protect you, you minimize it, you explain it away, you tell yourself it's stress or one thing or another, and it won't happen again. But your body knows, your body remembers, and it didn't stop, it got worse. There was a time I tried to leave for good, and when I say I tried, I mean I was ready mentally, emotionally, I was done. But my keys were hidden from me, my clothes thrown everywhere, my ability to leave was taken from me, and in that moment something happened that caused a level of trauma that I'm still working through to this day, and even after that, I went back. Trauma bonding is so real, y'all. And I know some of you that are listening are asking why, why go back, or why stay, or what is trauma bonding? Look it up because it is something that'll keep you connected to somebody that you are not meant to be connected with. And it's all not that simple. There's love, there's history. Now there's children, there's fear, there's emotional attachment that feels impossible to break. And then I got pregnant with our little girl. Uh, I think it was two a year later, two years later, two years later. Um, I was hormonal, I was working, I was trying to hold everything together, and he wasn't working. He had just got laid off and he was depressed, and I kept trying to carry everything emotionally, but carrying someone who is hurting you will break you. Our final fight while we were still together wasn't even about something big, but it showed me everything. He was not allowed to be in the room with me. And I went downstairs to make a sandwich and I come back in and he's in the room. And I asked him to leave and he wouldn't leave. And so he threw my comforter off the bed, which had my food. And he just sat in a chair and he said, I'm trying to think of what to do with somebody who doesn't want to be with me. And I just me being so emotional and so hormonal, I was so scared. And I called my aunt, I told her what was happening, and she called him, and they talked to her about two hours, three hours, and she texted me while they were talking, and she said, Go back to sleep, get some rest. Because she knew I was pregnant and she knew that we were up all night arguing. Yeah. But something shifted in me, not all at once, but it was enough. It was enough for me to start seeing that it's not love, that he is very controlling. Every time something physical happened, I told my aunt, and every time she called CPS because she was trying to protect me and my children, but now he blames me. He says I'm the reason that he had to prove that he's a safe father, and for a long time that confused me. How can someone do all of that and still not take accountability? But now I understand. Because if he took accountability, he would have to face what he's done. And some people would rather protect their image than take responsibility for their actions. So they shift the blame. They rewrite the story, they make you the problem. But I'm not the problem. I was a young girl who loved deeply. I was a woman trying to build a family. I was a mother trying to survive something I didn't fully understand yet. And now I am a woman and mother who is healing. And the truth is, healing for me doesn't look like cutting all ties because we have children. So every day I'm working on healing. I am healing while I still have to co-parent with the person who hurt me. And that takes such a different kind of strength. If you're listening to this and you've ever asked yourself, why did I stay? Why did I go back? Why do they blame me? I want you to hear me clearly. You are not weak. You are not crazy. You are loved. And you were trying to make something real out of something that wasn't safe. And now you get to choose differently. I don't ask myself those questions the same way anymore. Because I understand now. I didn't know then what I know now. But I do now. And I'm healing day by day, moment by moment, and I'm raising my children in something different. If this episode resonated with you, if you've lived something like this, you just know you are not alone. And you don't have to stay stuck in it. We're healing together, one step at a time. This is the Mommy Pod.