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Stronger than the Storm: Turning Resilience into Change Pt 2 with Chanel Grant

the Mommy Pod Season 3 Episode 8

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In this powerful follow-up episode of The Mommy Pod, we welcome back Chanel Grant—special education advocate, educator, and resilience expert—for an even deeper conversation on what it truly means to rebuild your life as a mother.

Chanel opens up about the realities of navigating single motherhood while advocating for a child with special needs, managing her own health journey, and redefining strength after life doesn’t go as planned. Together, we unpack the layers of resilience—not just surviving, but learning how to lead, heal, and show up fully for yourself and your children.

This episode is for the mom who feels stretched, unseen, or unsure of her next step. Chanel reminds us that even in our most challenging seasons, we have the power to take ownership of our story and build something stronger on the other side.


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SPEAKER_00

All right. Welcome back, everyone. Welcome back to the Mommy Pod. Today's episode is really special because we are sitting down again with someone whose story deeply impacted us all. The first time that she was here, we are joined by Chanel Grant, who is a special education advocate, a mother, and a woman whose journey through resilience, motherhood, and advocacy has touched so many lives. In our last episode, Chanel shared her story navigating her MS diagnosis, divorce, raising a son with autism, and finding strength in moments that could have broken her. But today, we're talking about what happens after survival, what growth looks like, what healing actually feels like, and how you continue to move forward when life doesn't look like what you planned. Chanel, welcome back. I am so happy to be here. Thank you. The last time we spoke, you shared so much about what you were going through. Where are you now emotionally and mentally compared to that version of yourself?

SPEAKER_01

Oh my God, I feel like I shared in the last podcast where I woke up one morning and I was unrecognizable. And I am having that same moment now. I'm like, who was that woman looking back at me? Because I'm in such a different space. And I spent so much time chasing the woman that I was before I morphed into that person. And I'm I'm I'm neither of those now, right? Like I'm a completely different person, but it's it's someone that I'm super proud of. I'm my son can be proud of her. Um, so I'm I'm I'm in a really good space, I'm in a healthy space. I feel like you know how when you graduate from high school, you feel like the world is your oyster and you can just do anything. I feel like that, but with a lot more wisdom and uh a lot more insights, and so I feel like I have a competitive advantage.

SPEAKER_00

That's great. I love that. So do you recognize or do you feel like you've become someone completely? Well, I think you've said it. You have completely changed. You've become somebody.

SPEAKER_01

And it's funny because I have the same group of friends. I like I expressed in the last one. They've known me since I was like 14 years old. Um, and even they are like, like, first of all, how are you so calm? Like that's the that's the number one thing that I get all the time. Like, how are you so calm? And I'm like, well, I cannot control things that are not within my control, you know? Um, but that's like very different because back in the day I'd fly off the handle and everything needs to be a certain kind of way. And I really have developed an internal piece that I really will I don't allow anybody to break that. I'm like, oh, really? That's unfortunate.

SPEAKER_00

Like I love that. So, what does life look like now?

SPEAKER_01

Oh my god. Um so I I will be very candid and honest because I always am and say I'm still kind of figuring that out. Um, I kind of had an aha moment this past um week. Um, I I was talking to my therapist and she was asking me very similarly, like, okay, so like what now? And I was telling her that I'm in an odd place because um I've been very open. I went through a divorce, very, very long marriage. Um, and I told her I was like, this is weird because I don't hate my ex-husband, which I haven't hated him for a while. And I was like, and I don't love him, you know, uh, you know, um, and I don't particularly like him, but I also don't dislike him. And that's what was like new. And I was like, what do you call that? She's like, you call that indifference, and I was like, okay, like tell me more. And she's like, um, that means that like you're you're closing that gap, you're in that final stage of healing. And like, how do you feel about that? And I was like, it's scary because like that's that the world is my oyster. Like, I get to start over with a blank slate and just kind of move forward, and that's exciting, but also very scary for a woman that's almost 40 with a toddler. Well, because my kid's not even a toddler anymore, but with a child, um it it hits different when you're 18, you're graduating high school and you're figuring that out. So be almost 40 and and be in that predicament. It's um it's different.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, it sounds, but that's that's good. I think life is always gonna be different, right? No matter what phases we go through, it's gonna be different. But that's so good that you're in a spot where you have kind of found, would you say that you've kind of found healing? Oh, yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

And I realized too, it wasn't just from the divorce. Like there were a lot of things that I had to sort through, work through, um, in order to be where I am today.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

And develop into the person I am.

SPEAKER_00

What did healing look like for you on like an ordinary day?

SPEAKER_01

I will be honest, one of the hardest things for me was um resetting my nervous system. I've always functioned at like 110% capacity. And so people who listen to this and know me, they're gonna be like, yeah. Like in I in college, I had three jobs, you know. Um, I've always been spinning multiple plates, holding multiple hats, and that's just became a way of life. And so I stopped doing that. You know, like there's days where I'm like, I'm only scheduled to 70% capacity and that's it, and I don't have nothing more to give. But what happens is is that when you choose, I read this quote that says when you choose a slower life after years of urgency, right? Your nervous system needs time to learn that that's a safe space. So I went through this process where I was like, oh my God, I feel like I should be doing something. Like, you know, I'm not doing enough. And it's like, no, but I mean, you're talking about, I mean, my entire life, like I was an overachiever. Um, and so yeah, my nervous system had to really learn that not doing a million things and being overscheduled is not, you know, like it's safe. Like it's safe, you're still safe. And I think once I was able to get through that, a lot of the other pieces fell into place.

SPEAKER_00

Nice. Were there moments where healing didn't feel empowering but felt heavy or uncomfortable?

SPEAKER_01

Oh, yeah. Because when you heal, people think that a lot of that is like, oh, I need to get through, you know, my divorce ending, or I need to get through a bad breakup, or and that ain't it. The hard part is is having to sit down because what someone else did wrong is not really relevant to me, not in my healing journey. What I had to sit down is figure out, oh God, what did I do wrong? Like, where did I fall short? How did I not honor myself? Right. Um, I've always been like super confident and definitely moved in a way with high confidence. But the the struggle was I had to admit to myself, how confident am I if I allowed myself to accept this level of disrespect? How much do I truly love myself if I've allowed someone to do and say these things to me? That ain't easy, girl. No, that is tough because I pride myself on um, you know, like, no, I'm confident and I'm beautiful and I'm strong. But how much of that is true if I'm accepting disrespect, if I'm taking, you know, disloyalty, dishonesty. There's something internal that I need to address if I want to be able to move forward and not have history repeat itself. And that was one of the hardest things that I've ever had to do.

unknown

Wow.

SPEAKER_01

That's good. That sounds hard. Yeah. Yeah. It's uncomfortable. Like to say to yourself, everyone's like, I love myself, right? That that's the first thing you say. And I do, I love myself, but it's harder to say, but I I couldn't love myself in the way that I claim to love myself, or I wouldn't let this happen.

SPEAKER_00

So how did you keep going in the in-between moments where you weren't feeling like where you were feeling like how you used to feel, but also feeling this new feeling, but like not fully becoming who you are yet?

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, I I gave myself grace, and that was something that I never did. I was always really hard on myself. Like, I need to be doing this and I need to do that, and I gave myself grace and I told myself that it's okay to not be okay today. Right? It's okay to not be 100%, and it's okay if today the only thing that I have energy to do is wash my ass and brush my teeth, right? If that's all I got today, I'm good with that because those two things are non-negotiables. You gotta do those two things. Um, but I did. I gave myself grace. I reminded myself that I was in a 10-year relationship that did not end pretty, but that before that I had issues. Right. And so when you add up that, like you're talking about 20 years of shit. And of those 20 years, like I I expect for this to like fix itself in two months, in 30 days. Like, that's not practical. I've gotta unlearn these things and I've gotta I've gotta get to a place of comfort. And so I I gave myself an unlimited amount of time. I was like, however long this takes, that's what it's gonna take.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, good for you. That's what you gotta do, I think, is there's no time limit on healing. Um, you have done so much as a mom, especially advocating for your son. But what are some other ways that you have um that you have shown up or sorry, how has the way you've shown up as a mom changed since the last time we spoke?

SPEAKER_01

So everything is not about my son. That was hard too. That was really hard. So um, like I vacation a lot, and you know, like I took my son for his birthday, we went on a Disney cruise, which was like amazing for him. Um, but I'm always doing something for him. And so this year I was like, yeah, so I'm going on a solo trip and I'm also going on a trip with the girls, and I'm really holding space for me and doing the things that make me happy. I I get my hair done every two weeks, right? I I that that I'm I'm I'm not coming up off of that, right? I cut my bangs, you like them? Yeah, they look cute. But I'm I'm not like I there are some non-negotiables when it comes to taking care of myself. Like with my son, his therapy treatments are non-negotiables. I'm not coming up off of that for anything, but I said to myself, there's gotta be some non-negotiables for me as well. On Sundays, I'm not doing anything that's that I don't want to do. Like, I like you know, like during the week, we gotta go to work. Like, there's things we have to do. Sunday, that's not happening. I'm not doing that.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I agree. That is so good. I'm so happy for you. Yeah, it's a good place to be. Yeah. Are there things that you've released as a parent? Expectations, pressures. It sounds like you were able to carve out more time for yourself. So maybe you let go of some of that mom guilt that we might feel.

SPEAKER_01

Definitely. I will say that it's it's definitely been faith over fear. Um, my my faith in God has definitely strengthened. Um, and I've really learned to trust the process. I've taken that to a whole nother level. You know, my I've I've been very candid about my son's diagnosis and all of it, you know, has come from that. And he had no speech and now he won't shut up. And I shared the last time when he asked me, like, if I liked being fat, you know, um, and he just hits me with them all the time. And I'm thinking, I know that I got at least 12 extra gray hairs from stressing out about that. And now it's really like a non-factor. And so I've I've really gotten to a space where I trust the process. Whatever comes our way, I am confident that I possess the intellectual ability and the stability to be able to figure it out. And so there's really no reason for me to worry about that now. Because I mean, and that's all of us, right? During your darkest times, you think about it, you're crying, but you made it, you survived. So internally, we all possess the power to get through it. And knowing that and having that confidence and knowing that, I just kind of am like, whatever, like I'll I'll figure it out as it comes along.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. Yeah, good. So you've always been a strong advocate, but I want to go a little bit deeper. How has your voice and advocacy advocacy grown or shifted over time?

SPEAKER_01

Well, I know I was back here. Oh god, wasn't in like October? I don't remember. It's been a little while.

SPEAKER_00

You hadn't won your award yet, I think.

SPEAKER_01

No, I hadn't. I hadn't. I don't think I had published any of my books yet either. Maybe one of them. Maybe. Okay, so I've got three now. I have a whole little series. I call them my babies because each character has definitely come, they're personal, deeply personal. My first character, Michael, um, it goes along the IEP process, and um it's my son. Like that, that it's it's definitely my son. You can you can tell. Um, my second character, James, um, he has an AAC device, and he um it really comes from my journey when my son had one and me discovering um how to use it, like even as an educator. And my last character um actually came from my niece. She's diagnosed with dyslexia, and so um it's called Carla's Biggest uh Brilliant Brain. And so Carla came from from there. So like it's really been this birth of um neurodivergent children in the real world, and I've used obviously my professional experience and evidence-based theories to support the books, but also apply my real life experiences, right? Because these kids I see every day, I talk to them. Um, so I've been super excited about that. And Target just picked up my Carla book, which I'm ecstatic about. Um yeah, I know. So, like that's happened, and then um I was nominated and actually honored as Resilient Mom of the Year for 2025 at the Global Autism Mom Awards. Um, and of everything that I've gotten, I don't care what degree, like that was the most honorable award that I could have ever received because I earned it. Yeah, I earned it. Like when I look back on all of the things that I survived, I don't know how I did. Like if you told me today I had to go through those things, there'd be nothing left. Like, there's no way I would survive it. I'd be dead. Like, and I say that with conviction. So um that was that was really big. Um, I actually today just got noticed that I completed my independent facilitator training. Um, so I'll be able to support other other families, you know, through the self-determination process. Um, I have done so many volunteer projects, just being really being able to advocate for families, um, workshops for them and support because special needs parents, a lot of them are like me, where they don't, they've given up careers, like we don't necessarily have the means to to buy all the things. And so whatever I can do to support my community, I do.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, that is so amazing. They are so lucky to have you. We are lucky to have you. Oh, I'm lucky to have you guys survived. We touched on systems before, but I really want to talk about it a little bit more. What is something um within the education or support system that still frustrates you today?

SPEAKER_01

All of it.

SPEAKER_00

All of it.

SPEAKER_01

I think that it is absolutely ridiculous. Um it's not just the family court systems, it's it's all of it and it infuriates me. I I I actually applied to law school and got accepted. I had to defer, but um I'm currently working through um potentially having some bills passed and and figuring out how to do that because it's just it's heartbreaking the the the the way that our children are suffering. And it's even more heartbreaking because that is our future, right? These kids are going to be leading our country at some point and we are failing them like miserably. Miserably. So they all still frustrate me. I finally have like kind of acquiesced and just decided that that that's gonna be the process. I'm still fighting with insurance companies, left and right, regional centers, school districts, you know. I like it, it just is what it is and it's not gonna stop.

SPEAKER_00

Well, what are parents often not told, but should be aware of when navigating special education?

SPEAKER_01

Um that you have a choice. Like this is your choice as a parent. Like it's still your child. You get to make the choice and and determine what it is that's best for your kids. Nobody knows your kid better than you. Don't ever lose sight of that.

SPEAKER_00

That's good. That is so true, because people try they think they do. Right. You know, if you could change one thing about the system tomorrow, what would it be?

SPEAKER_01

I think kids should have uh an opportunity to be heard and think, and that's what my books are about. I mean, my son is five, but he can tell you absolutely right now what it is that he wants and desires. It's so funny. I spent thousands and thousands of dollars litigating this like custody battle, and my ex-husband did as well. Um, and the other day he called his dad and he was like, I need you to pick me up after robotics. You know, now is this his custodial day? No, right? Um, and he was like, um, okay, you know, and I was like, that's not my business. So the next following day was his actual custodial day. And so I was like, Are you gonna get him tomorrow? And he's kind of like, well, I mean, basically, like, not that's up to you, that's up to him. Yeah, and so I I said all that to say that it doesn't matter what age a child is, they are intelligent enough and capable of enough to speak for themselves. And so, like, at this point, my ex-husband and I are at a place where I'm like, dude, we couldn't argue if we wanted to. Like, I couldn't be like, you can't have him, because my son is like, I want to go to my dad's. Yeah. And he will outright tell his dad, like, he told his dad, I'm spending Easter with mom. And granted, this year was my my Easter holiday, but like, let's be honest, neither myself or my ex-husband really knew um whose it was, nor did we care because he spoke. He was like, I'm gonna go with mom for Easter. And so that's what we honored. And if I could change anything about systems, it would be to really give children the respect as human beings and stop treating them like numbers and that they don't have feelings just because they're children.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. I love that. That's um, we were not married, so we didn't have to go through the court system, and and that is something that I would never want to do because like when I was a child, my mom got my mom actually had multiple sclerosis. What? And never shared that with the I just learned that. I don't really talk about it much, but she did, and um she didn't have the right treatment, so she just she went down fast and um I went blank, forgot what I was talking about.

SPEAKER_01

Of course that's difficult.

SPEAKER_00

Thank you. Um, she really wanted to keep me, but she was really, really sick. Like she couldn't, she couldn't, and um the courts decided to give me to my grandparents on my dad's side and not even like keep me in the town where my mother was. So I just I hate court systems, and she even went to court to fight for me and in a wheelchair, and I just can't like that. Just it breaks my heart and it makes me mad at my family for putting her through that, and it makes me scared because I would never want to put my children's future in somebody's hands, but they don't know and I want to actually address something that you said because people don't realize it.

SPEAKER_01

Yes, we had to go to the court system through the court system because we were legally married, but we did not ever have to see a judge. That was a choice. Like that was a choice. We could have easily sat down at our kitchen table and came to an agreement and filed it because we had to legally get divorced, right? So whenever a family goes below goes before the family court, it's a choice. One or both parties have made that conscious decision to fight this out and not resolve it. Even if you file with the courts, you don't have to see a judge. You can absolutely come to some sort agreement of agreement. And that's what should happen.

unknown

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

People should really be taking into consideration. I just had an evaluation today from my son and they asked for his schedule. And I was like, our our weekends are left open. I don't schedule him on the weekend. And they were like, Yeah, because you kind of need your time. I said, no, he's with his father every other weekend. And I do not want to impede on that time. That's important to me that he has that. Now I just opened with, I don't even like the man, right? But I love my son to my core, and that's important to him. And that and so I honor that. And so that's something that like as a parent, you should do, and you don't need a judge because a judge will rip that out from you in a heartbeat. Right.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. My ex even said he wants to go to co-parenting therapy, which I can't even about that today when I read that. Because oh now you now, now I would cry.

SPEAKER_01

You know, they'll court order it. I I would cry if I had to go to co. We co-parent great now, though. I will say that. We co-parent just fine. That's good.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, I don't even.

SPEAKER_01

I mind my business and he minds his. That's why we co-parent great.

SPEAKER_00

That's that's so we do kind of. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01

I well, you know what? I've learned to just accept things as they are. Again, like it's not in my control. I make all my son's appointments. And I if I call my ex-husband, like I had to call him last week and I was like, I need you to send this paper. And he's like, Okay, which one? Where do I sign? Right. Like he will do that, but I've just learned to accept things as they are and just keep it pushing because I want to be able to protect my peace and my positive energy.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah, so important. So much of your story has been about overcoming. Who are you now outside of what you've survived? And what parts of yourself have you rediscovered or are you still discovering?

SPEAKER_01

I am a human and I appear to be that way. Um, for so many years, I literally felt like superwoman. You know, I I you come to my house and everything's in place, and I've cooked this fabulous dinner, and you know, my candles are lit, and I managed to be this director of, you know, regional director of enrollment, and my I carry these heavy titles and these degrees, and my kids are all like bows in the hair of my stepdaughter, and my and it's just not practical. And I became completely unraveled living that life. And so now there are days where I am the best messy bun mom. Um, I'm not doing that. We're showed up two hours late to a birthday party. I didn't care. Um I I'm in that space, and I think to myself, how in the hell did I live as Mary Poppin slash step for wife for so many years? It's exhausting and it's it just left me so unhappy. And so I feel really good in that I feel like a human. And I, you know, my tagline has always been mom of the damn year. That's my thing. And I still feel like mom of the damn year. Matter of fact, I feel like a better mom because my son knows that I'm a human. And I think one of the mistakes that a lot of parents make is that we really glorify, like we try to make this like we're we make it so that we are perfect, and our kids believe that we're perfect, and then our kids believe that they have to be perfect. And I think it's super important for my son to know that I'm a valuable human being. I was telling one of my girlfriends, she was like, I just broke down and I wanted to cry, but I didn't want my kids to see me cry. And I was like, why? Crying is normal. We send the unfortunate message when we don't show our children that we're human, that they don't get the opportunity to be human. Now, yes, I want my son to know that I'm a strong woman, but especially in the privacy of our own home, I want him to know that I cry and I have feelings and that I get disappointed. Like that's a part of life. People get disappointed. But the former version of me, my son, would been like, my mom never gets disappointed. She just is so resilient, she just moves on. And I'm like, baby, that's not life. Like, you, you, it's okay to be let down. It's okay to be disappointed. And so I'm much more human, and my son gets to see that version of me as well as my friends and family, and I think that's important. I have a much deeper connection with the people around me because of it.

SPEAKER_00

So good. I love that. It is so important not to pretend and to just be. I used to feel that way too, and I wanted to have like I used to cook everything organic and try to cook it from scratch, and my son hadn't had candy or anything terrible, terrible um, until he became a second child. And then she came along, and my has had everything. Oh, I my son has never had baby food.

SPEAKER_01

I made his baby food from scratch his entire life. He never had formula, like I nursed. I thought that was such a flex. And I'm like, you're crazy, lady. Right? Shout out to the moms that do not feel guilt about taking care of themselves first because guess what? They don't have as much gray hair as me. They're not stressed out, they're probably more healthy. So kudos to you guys. I want to be like you when I grow up. I'm getting there.

SPEAKER_00

I had to learn how to just sometimes let it go. Just yeah. Let it go. Yeah. Um, there are a lot of moms listening and dads listening right now who are still in the middle of everything that you have been through, or maybe they're just at the beginning of it. What would you say to them? To anyone that feels like they are in survival mode? Give yourself grace.

SPEAKER_01

This is a season, it is not forever. Even though it may be difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel, nothing, there's one thing that's certain, nothing stays the same. Nothing stays the same in life. Life is ever changing and it will change. Take things one step at a time. Uh, the nightmare won't last forever, and keep going. Really good advice.

SPEAKER_00

What parts of yourself have you rediscovered or are you still discovering?

SPEAKER_01

Um, I think I'm still discovering it. Like I've always been an avid reader, um, but I'm discovering that I'm a great writer, you know, so I'm working on my memoir currently. Um and I'm taking my time, right? Being intentional with that. So I'm I used to, I actually used to paint. I was really heavy into art. Um, and I stopped uh like a long time ago. And so I'm I'm really trying to find, you know, happiness in some of the smaller things that are important to me. But it's it's definitely a journey and I'm still on it.

SPEAKER_00

That's good. We're all we all are, right? Um, there's some more questions I have for you. So far, you haven't hit me with any where I'm like, uh, we can do this interview without um we have four minutes left, and I kind of want to dive into your dating and relationships. Oh can we get nosy or do you want to skip that?

SPEAKER_01

Okay, I will say this. Um, I yes, I have dated. Um, I actually recently um reconnected with someone. Um it's the first time where I actually am considering Jesus Christ.

SPEAKER_00

Like what? What are you considering?

SPEAKER_01

Okay, let me start over. It got hot in here. Okay, so I am actually willing to open myself up to actually be in a relationship again. I'm I'm I'm like at that point where I'm I'm considering it. Um oh my god, I'm blushing. So yeah, so I I'm I'm actually at that point now, still very early, very new, but it's the first time in almost five years that I've actually considered, like, oh, you know, um this this is this is worth exploring. Oh good. And not necessarily in a platonic way, because like I said, I've dated. But yeah.

SPEAKER_00

Have your standards changed at all, or have you gotten more clear on what you want, what you'll accept?

SPEAKER_01

Absolutely. And I learned that through some of my dating, right? Where I'm like, no, I'm not feeling this. This is not gonna work. I don't like this, you know, this is not for me. Um, so they they definitely have changed um tremendously. Yeah, tremendously.

SPEAKER_00

Well, thank you for take letting us be nosy. What did you gain in this season of your life that you never would have discovered if things had gone the way you originally planned?

SPEAKER_01

Happiness. I thought that the life that I wanted, because I was I was a corporate babe, and I was fierce and I was perfect, and I was a stepfurt wife, and I had it all together. And I was just so unhappy. And even though it was torture getting to here, I never would have been able to live a life that was so wholesome and so filled with love and joy and peace. Um, had I not let go of the woman that I thought I should be.

SPEAKER_00

That's really good. If you could speak to the version of yourself from last episode, what would you want her to know?

SPEAKER_01

You are almost there, sweetheart. Like, I know you don't see it. I know you don't know how. I know there's all these things that you still want for your life that you think are never going to happen, but they will, and they will unfold in a way that you have no idea. And some, and some. You're just you're almost there. Trust the process.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah. That's really good. Thank you so much. Do you have anything else that you'd like to share with us?

SPEAKER_01

I'm just so grateful to be here. Um, this has just been a really, really long journey. Um, and I really appreciate that you've always given me a space to share my story, but in respect to still respecting my privacy, um, but giving me an opportunity to really be able to support my community and support other moms out there. So I really want to thank you for that.

SPEAKER_00

Of course. Thank you. We are so honored to have you on the podcast and learn and grow with you. Thank you so much.

SPEAKER_01

Yes.

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