A Mediator’s Advice for Better Co-Parenting with Jessica Dolin

Co-parenting isn’t easy — especially when emotions, past hurt, and constant communication challenges are involved. In this episode of The Mommy Pod, I sit down with certified mediator Jessica to talk about creating healthier co-parenting dynamics, protecting your peace, and making decisions centered around your children instead of conflict.

Jessica shares powerful insight from her work helping co-parents navigate communication, parenting plans, and boundaries — while also opening up about the emotional shift that changed her own perspective on co-parenting.

We also discuss her new app designed specifically for co-parents, helping reduce tension in everyday conversations while offering built-in mediation support directly inside the platform.

If you’ve ever struggled with:
✨ communicating with your co-parent
✨ setting boundaries without guilt
✨ parenting plans and structure
✨ separating emotions from decisions
✨ or simply trying to co-parent with more peace…

this episode is for you.

💛 Because co-parenting doesn’t have to feel like constant survival mode.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Alright, hi parents, welcome back to the Mommy Pod, the space where we keep it real about motherhood, parenting, healing, and rebuilding our lives with one step at a time. Today's episode This one is for anyone navigating co-parenting, dealing with communication struggles, or just trying to keep the peace for the kids' sake. Because let's be honest, co-parenting can feel like an emotional roller coaster. What if it didn't have to be? Today we're talking about tools, boundaries, and how to take attention out of co-parenting. And I have someone who literally does this for a living. Today we're joined by Jessica, a certified mediator who works with co-parents and workplace teams, all virtually. But what I love most about the work that she does is that it's not just about helping people communicate better. She's actually helping people solve um problems by creating solutions. She's launching an app designed specifically for co-parents to reduce tension in everyday communication. And it even allows you to request mediation directly inside the app with a mediator of your choice. Jessica, welcome to the Mommy Pod.

SPEAKER_00 1:20

Hi Jesus, thank you so much for having me. I'm excited to be here.

SPEAKER_01 1:24

Yes. Jessica, can you tell us a little bit about yourself, about your journey into becoming a mediator, and what led you to this work?

SPEAKER_00 1:33

Absolutely. My name is Jessica Dolan. I'm a private mediator based in Houston, Texas. I'm the founder of Pathway Solutions Mediation and Notary. I help individuals, families, and leadership teams navigate those high-stakes conflicts with structure, clarity, and provide actual resolution, real resolution. I'm also, like you mentioned, the co-create creator of Parent Accord, a co-parenting platform. And the purpose behind that is it's designed to reduce conflict before it escalates. So in there, it combines communication tools, documented records, and that direct access to mediators so that families can stay out of court and move forward more effectively. Most of the apps that are out there are really focused on litigation, and that's where this differs. I'm trying to prevent that, right? Because litigation is expensive and it takes time and energy, it's stressful. So that's really where my focus is right now is on the parent accord app, which should be releasing next week.

SPEAKER_01 2:42

That's so wonderful. Wow. What are some of the most common challenges you see when it comes to co-parenting communication?

SPEAKER_00 2:53

Well, there's so much emotion tied into those situations, and a lot of times we've already done a lot of damage. Uh, and so that relationship is very fractured. And so even if the person doesn't mean it in a in the way that we took it, that happens a lot. There's just a lot of miscommunication because of you know, text messages. It all depends on the person's mood. And so there can be a lot of miscommunication or just a lot of emotion tied up in that. And I find that that's what causes the most issues because we're not able to kind of separate the emotion from that, and that's where a mediator comes in and can help you, you know, kind of referee that situation.

SPEAKER_01 3:44

Yeah. Why do you think that uh that we can feel I say we because I'm still I'm still going through it, it can feel emotionally intense um even after so long? After so long. Sorry, I don't know if I read the question that right. Why do you think co-parenting can feel so emotionally intense even after the relationship has ended?

SPEAKER_00 4:09

I think there's a lot of carryover, the frustration, hurt, mistrust, all of those emotions don't just disappear, and that shows up in how you communicate with each other. And especially if you don't have a clear parenting plan that doesn't define things very clearly, a lot of times what I see is the parenting plans are very vague, and so that leaves a lot of room for interpretation. And so when you couple the vague parenting plan and the emotional carryover from everything that you've experienced, because if this is someone that you've been with, you know, for an extended period of time and you have a child together, there is a lot of hurt and mistrust there and frustration having to go through the things that you have to go through to get to that point where you need co-parenting, uh, communication tools. And so I think that really is the crux of it. And then another thing that I see is the decision gridlock where they just cannot agree on something, whether it's something related to school, medical decisions, schedules, and both parents they really want in most cases what's best for the child, but sometimes that gets lost because of that emotional carryover from the relationship.

SPEAKER_01 5:28

Yeah. Well you said something powerful um in your messaging that you had to learn to separate your emotions from your decisions. Can you talk more about that? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 5:41

Um, so it is very hard when you are the one experiencing it to separate that hurt, frustration, mistrust, because a lot of times, you know, things have transpired between you and the other parent, and you have to take a step back. You have to take a pause, take a breath, and really think about what the other person is asking of you. Are they actually trying to provoke you, or are we just extra sensitive around this particular person because we're still frustrated, hurt, we're stressed out, we're in a new situation, and we're having to change our schedules. And you know, a lot of people are very schedule-based and it can really throw them off kilter. So there's just a lot of variables at play. You know, if you've been in a two-parent household for a period of time and now you're kind of in a single-parent household, that is a very big change to the routine for you, for the kids, for everyone. And so really taking a step back and evaluating what the message says, don't think about who it's from, just read what's there and determine if this is something that you need to engage with, because there are co-parents that will try to provide messages, but don't respond to them. Um, and that helps, but it is very difficult for people to take that step back on their own, and that's where mediation comes in. Because you're not always going to need to go to court, you're not always going to need an attorney to get past whatever this obstacle is. But mediation is that next step so that you can avoid going to court, so that you two can get on the same page and be able to move forward positively.

SPEAKER_01 7:40

Positively, that is the key. And that's such a great that you decided to do this. I want to dive more into like what made you choose this path. Like, have you gone through it personally, or did you see this happening and you wanted to step in and help?

SPEAKER_00 7:58

So I learned early, early on, I was part of a pilot program for mediation in school. And so I was doing peer mediation in school, but it never occurred to me that I could just do that as a career, and I think that was because I needed to do a lot of living before I could show up to this position the right way. Because, like you mentioned, that there are things that you kind of have to experience to truly understand things, and so yes, I have been divorced, I've gone through that becoming a single parent, having to deal with an uh co-parent that was less than agreeable on most things, and it was very difficult. And I've watched friends go through the same thing, and I just found that those friends were always coming and asking how to deal with things because apparently it looked very graceful, it didn't feel graceful when I was going through it, but apparently it looked graceful to outsiders, and I ended up uh stumbling into an article while I was doing some research, and I saw that you did not have to be an attorney to be a medium mediator because that's for some reason I'd thought that I don't know why, but I started digging into it because I was like, I really loved doing that in school, and I've always had the ability, I've had these skills, and now I have the experience to go along with it, and so I was like, that's perfect. So I went through the training, I even got advanced mediation training. I'm going into a specialized training actually next week because it's very important to me to continue to educate yourself because there are so many different types of situations with co-parents, and that specifically can get very tenuous in different states. Um, so I want to continue to educate myself always, but that's really the crux of it. I knew that I could serve my community in this way and beyond with the virtual means that we have now because mediation is moving to an online service. Once COVID hit, kind of people realized that wait, we could actually just do this via Zoom instead of having to coordinate everybody to get in the same room with people that most of the time they don't want to be in the same room with. So it actually helps kind of diffuse some of that emotion because they're not literally face to face in the same room.

SPEAKER_01 10:38

Thank you for sharing your story. That is so so smart, and that is so true. Um I would love to do mediation uh virtually. That's been one of the hesitations because I'm like, I don't want to sit across from this person. That's really smart. For anyone that feels like triggered every time they have to communicate with their co-parent, where do you where do you suggest they start?

SPEAKER_00 11:03

If they're feeling triggered, the very first thing that I would suggest is if we're messaging the co-parent is to take a breath. You do not have to immediately answer because you want to respond, not react. That's the difference. We're not looking to be reactive, but we do want to respond to whatever is happening. So if it's not an emergency situation situation, the first thing you're going to do is just take a step back, take a moment, gather yourself. Delaying the response is going to be you don't want to delay it too long because you don't want them to feel like they're being ignored, because then that can escalate on the other side. So you want to take a moment, pause, take a breath. And then once you're regulated, then keep the response simple, focused on the issue without emotion behind it. So you're gonna think to yourself, what do I need to decide here? What information does the other parent actually need? And that's what you include in your messaging. And the same can be applied when you're talking to that parent face to face. It's a little harder in person because again, that emotion kind of builds up because we can see a lot more. We're getting visual cues from their body language and things. But the key is not to react, to respond. Think about exactly what information they need. You don't need to give them anything extra. Keep communication clear. Hopefully, if you've already been through mediation or been through litigation, you have a good parenting plan that you can fall back on for clear communication rules. And if you don't, I highly suggest that you do get a parenting plan that is very specific down to what time does a holiday end, what time does a holiday begin? When are we going to have pickup? If I don't get a response in X amount of hours, how are we gonna proceed? Like all of these details matter because if you leave them out, it makes communication later so much more difficult. So if you can get ahead of it, it's it's best to have that plan already in place.

SPEAKER_01 13:32

Very good. Decide what info they need and include that. And I like the taking the deep breaths before you communicate. That's so important. Um, how can we stick to those boundaries without feeling guilty or um pull back into conflict?

SPEAKER_00 13:53

Sticking to boundaries can be very difficult for some. Some people have no issue with boundaries, but for a lot of folks it is difficult because it's different. You know, you're used to sharing your life with this person in most cases, and so now you're having to kind of distance yourself from that. So it can be difficult, but having, I think having the parenting plan really helps sustain those boundaries because you have a document that you've both agreed to that you can fall back on. You can say, This is what we agreed to, you know, and and they have it in writing, so it helps support you when maybe you're not strong enough on your own to just say no, you have something there supporting you. Um structure really makes all the difference when emotion like that is involved between co-parents, it just keeps things a lot cleaner and helps you maintain those boundaries. And you have to remember that the things that you've decided upon were decided on because you both thought that they were in the best interest of your children.

SPEAKER_01 15:09

Very good, very good. So, speaking of the parenting plans, let's talk parenting plans. What makes a strong and effective parenting plan?

SPEAKER_00 15:20

A strong parenting plan is very detailed. A lot of times, what I'll see is they just go, oh, it's 50-50, we're gonna exchange weekends. Um, and that it's very basic. And you have to really think about because ideally you want your parenting plan to last a while. You know, you you don't want to have to re-update your parenting plan every year. Now, there are times that you're going to have to update as the children age just to accommodate extracurriculars and things like that, but you want a clear schedule with exact exchange times, locations, what happens if someone is late. You need, so that's number one, clear schedule. Number two is holiday and special day rules. So, what are we doing on holidays, what are we doing on birthdays, when there's school breaks, Mother's Day, Father's Day, all defined in advance so that there's no last-minute kerfluffle. Making sure that you include times. So if Mother's Day is going to be spent with the mother, then there needs to be a drop-off time and a pickup time. So that way everyone's clear on exactly how much time they're getting for those special days. So that's number two is holiday and special day roles. Number three would be decision-making structure, who is deciding what, and how do those decisions get made for things like school, medical care, and activities. And that's going to be very customized to the family. And that's the great thing about mediation is that you can create a very customized plan that fits your family. A lot of the plans that come from a litigation procedure court, those are very cookie-cutter most of the time, and so they may not always be the best fit. You also need communication rules, how parents are going to communicate, whether that's through an app or any other means, how quickly we're expecting responses, and what happens if there is no response. You also need a process for changes because we all know nothing ever goes to plan, right? So a strong plan is going to outline how to request those schedule changes and how those requests are handled. And then the last point is a conflict resolution path. What happens when you simply cannot agree? Is that going to be mediation, another structured step, or are we going to escalate it to litigation? So at the end of the day, it's not just about custody, it's about reducing the friction in your everyday decision. So you aren't constantly being put in a position where an argument can occur.

SPEAKER_01 18:22

Very good. That's so important. Arguing is just not fun, especially when you're already stressed from whatever you're dealing with for the day. So a lot of miscommunication and arguments can be solved with a clear-cut parenting plan. Thank you. What are some common mistakes that parents make? Well, I think you kind of answered that. The common mistakes that parents make when making one is not having clear communication rules, not having clear rules on the holidays, not having clear rules on the location, and um not having clear rules with no response. So I dealt with something like that recently. I signed my son up for summer camp, and he was on the wait list, and we had two or three hours to respond once he got accepted, and he was accepted, so then I waited for a response from his dad. I didn't hear, so I went ahead and paid for it. And his dad was upset, thinking, what if he had plans? He doesn't have plans, but yeah, that could have been avoided. Had to have a clause for a no response.

SPEAKER_00 19:37

Exactly. And that's this exact like real life situations that I see is where something needs an immediate response, and we don't have like a timeline, like how long are we gonna wait before we just and you can put status quo, like things don't change, like I'm not going to sign him up for the activity if I don't get a response, or if I don't get a response, then I'm going to move forward with the activity. And those would all be defined in your parenting plan. So highly, highly suggest any parents out there that do not have a parenting plan, create one. You can start with the things I just listed. Those are the six key points that you need in your parenting plan. And if you feel like you can't do it on your own, because it can be very difficult to negotiate with the other parent, you can absolutely reach out to a mediator, whether it's me or someone else. It is important to interview your mediator to make sure that it's a good fit for your family. Every mediator has a different style, but you did ask about some other common mistakes besides keeping things too vague. Some parents do struggle with over-communicating emotionally, so like long messages, bringing up things from the past, trying to prove a point. Those things happen a lot. There are some that use the child as a messenger. This is probably one of the worst, in my opinion, because it affects the child a lot more. It causes a lot of stress on them by putting them in the middle between their parents.

SPEAKER_01 21:20

Yeah, that makes sense. That could be hard. I love that you're creating something to actually help in this real life situation. Can you tell us more about your app and when does it release?

SPEAKER_00 21:35

Yes. Um, so the app is really the plan is for that to be a conflict reduction engine. I want to reduce the need to litigate, hopefully. That's the plan. Um, because it's so very expensive, first of all, court trials are out. Outrageous, like it is a lot of money for the attorneys for both parents. It's a lot of time. Okay. We're all out here working trying to make some dollars, and then you got to spend all those dollars going to court. So I think it's very important as a mom. Like I have three kids, and the amount of time it would take, one to get a court date, and two to actually go to court, take time off work, like that is difficult. Whereas if I have a structured way to communicate with a co-parent, and it also documents um all of those interactions, so that if you do have to go to litigation, you have that, it's already time stamped in order, so you can give it to your attorney. If you know if things don't work out and you have to go that route, you're prepared. You can export um anything regarding messages, expenses. There's expense tracking in there, so you can define what your split is, or if I'm paying 100% or we're splitting 50-50, 20, 80, whatever the split is, you can define it in there, and it keeps track of the total expenses and what your actual out of pocket is, so that way it's clear to both of you that you can see who's paying what. So everything should have a category: school, medical, schedule, things like that. Um, there's a decision module in there where you can do something like you did with the activity. You could propose to the other parent. Hey, I have this activity that I want my child to do. Do you agree? And there is a response window that you set in the app. So that response window, you're gonna define it's going to make you do the things that I'm telling you you should do in a parenting plan. Um, so that way uh it has a response time so everyone knows what's going to happen if they don't respond, and it just makes things a lot cleaner. I also have currently um mediators are joining the platform, so that way we have mediators ready to go, and all of them service clients virtually, so you're not having to wait on the other party to get there, having to work with everyone's schedules to find a time we can actually meet in person. You can meet in the comfort of your own home virtually and take care of whatever the issue is. And if you don't have a parenting plan and you want to make one, you can propose the mediator to your co-parent so no one is deciding. I tried to keep it very, very neutral. That is the objective here as a mediator and as the app creator. I prop you have where you can browse the mediators that are in the directory, and then you propose the one that you would like to use to the other co-parent, and they can either accept or reject. If they reject, then they're going to have to propose another. Um, but they're all verified mediators, certified, who work specifically in divorce and parenting plans so that you're getting the creme de la creme when you speak to one of our mediators.

SPEAKER_01 25:23

That's amazing. Where do I sign up? Can I get a discount?

SPEAKER_00 25:28

I do actually have founder founding prices right now. I have a wait list, um, but it's going to be releasing next week. If you visit my TikTok page, the wait list link is at the top in my beacons. Um, my TikTok page is PS Mediation Notary, and that is where you can hop on the wait list. The app is scheduled to release next week. We are looking at the 23rd, which is Thursday.

SPEAKER_01 26:05

Amazing. What advice would you give to anyone who feels overwhelmed, hurt, or stuck in co-parenting dynamics?

SPEAKER_00 26:17

My first thing would be you're not alone. Um, many parents are overwhelmed. The the biggest advice is don't try to fix everything at once because it is a lot. There are a lot of moving pieces. You're looking at the entire situation, the schedule, the communication, the decisions, the emotions, and all at the same time. That's a lot. Instead, narrow it down. What is the next decision that actually needs to be made? Focus there. Then you're going to work on simplifying communication. Keep it short, clear, and focused on logistics. You don't have to explain anything, you don't have to defend yourself. Just keep it short, clear, and focused. Third, you're going to build a structure where you can. So if you don't have a parenting plan in place, do it for your sanity. So that way you both are less stressed because you already know what the outcomes are going to be. It's overwhelming isn't usually about things being impossible, it's about not having a system to hold it all. So once you create that structure, things start to feel a lot more manageable, and you'll feel that overwhelm calm. And it helps so much in your day-to-day. It overwhelming, being overwhelmed as a co-parent doesn't mean that you're failing, it means that you don't have a system yet. And I can't stress that enough.

SPEAKER_01 27:55

Very good. Jessica, if there's one thing you want every mom or dad listening to walk away with today, what would it be?

SPEAKER_00 28:02

One thing for parents to walk away with. Oh, there's so many good ones. Um you don't have to hand you don't have to agree on everything, you just need a clear way to handle what you don't agree on. Clarity prevents conflict.

SPEAKER_01 28:23

Very good. And Jessica, can you tell our listeners where to find you? Yes.

SPEAKER_00 28:28

Um, my website is thepeoplesmediator.com. I'm also on TikTok, Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube as PS Mediation and Notary.

SPEAKER_01 28:40

Amazing. Thank you so much, Jessica, for sharing your wisdom and all of your knowledge with us today. We are so lucky to have heard from you on the Mommy Pod. Thank you so much for having me.