When Bad Decisions Snowball: Quick Chat with Matthew Melvin author of "Bullied Behind Bars..."

In this episode of The Mommy Pod, we sit down with Matthew Melvin for a raw and honest conversation about mistakes, consequences, mental health, and rebuilding your life after one life-changing decision.

Matthew shares how frustration, impulsive choices, and feeling unheard led him down a path that resulted in prison time — and how that experience forced him to reflect on accountability, personal growth, and the importance of support systems. Together, we discuss autism awareness, mental health, fairness within the justice system, and how moments of pressure can impact the course of someone’s life forever.

But this conversation goes deeper than one mistake.

This episode is about:
✨ Learning from poor decisions
✨ Understanding impulse control
✨ Mental health and neurodivergence
✨ Accountability and second chances
✨ Raising children with emotional awareness
✨ Teaching our kids to pause before reacting

For parents, this episode is also a reminder that our children need guidance, emotional support, and safe spaces to process frustration before it turns into destructive choices.

Matthew speaks openly about the lessons he learned, the consequences he faced, and the message he hopes others take away from his story.

Because one moment can change everything — but growth and healing are still possible afterward.

🎧 Listen now on The Mommy Pod.

https://www.bulliedbehindbars.com/

@bulliedbehindbars

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

All right. Hi everyone. Welcome back to the Mommy Pod. This episode is a little different because today we're talking about something that is really real and really uncomfortable, and something that could honestly happen to any one of our kids. One decision, one moment, one choice made out of frustration, and suddenly life changes forever. Today's guest, Matthew Malvin, shares his story of going from working a regular job to making a decision that led him to prison. But this isn't just about what he did. It's about why. It's about feeling unheard. It's about mental health. And it's about how we raise our kids to pause and think and choose differently. So let's get into it. Matthew, thank you for joining us on the Mommy Pod.

SPEAKER_01 0:52

Thank you so much for having me on the show. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 0:55

Can you take us back? So you were working a regular job, trying to make a living. What was going on in your life emotionally and mentally before everything happened?

SPEAKER_01 1:06

That's a loaded question. Unresolved anger, resentment, hatred, feeling bullied. In 2004, I worked at a car dealership, Freedom Nissan, in South Burlington, Vermont. They didn't pay me my commissions. I impulsively chose to try to sell one of their cars, got caught. Instead of going through the mental health court, Judge Jeffrey Crawford and Bob Wolford, who I saw when he worked at Howard Mental Health. These individuals decided I didn't meet the criteria to go through the mental health court, went through the traditional court, 16 months in Vermont prisons, came out, couldn't pass a background check, used other people's information in 2009 to work. I did the work. The government pursued me for six years, got a grand jury indictment against me in 2016. That's when I did another 16 months in federal prison, 10 institutions, four states.

SPEAKER_00 2:09

That's where I wrote my book. So you you felt overlooked growing up and in that job, and you felt taken advantage of. And at that moment, did it feel like a big decision, or did it feel like a quick reaction so that you can um get the funds that you need and make a living?

SPEAKER_01 2:34

All of my decisions have been impulsive. I have autism and I'm on the Asperger spectrum. So even today, I still have the impulsivity that no amount of medication is going to alleviate. However, I have better tools where I can recognize when I'm in a bad situation. I'll give you an example. I've just left uh a delivery driving position because I was being emotionally abused by a business owner. And I was able to identify triggers for myself, and I didn't want to get into another bad situation, so I chose to leave.

SPEAKER_00 3:22

Yeah, so a lot of your decisions were made out of stress and with your diagnosis. Yeah, a lot of us, especially parents, make decisions because we're stressed or in the moment. Um, what were you thinking right? Well, do you know what you were thinking right before you made the choice or one of the choices? If you could pause that version of yourself, what would you say?

SPEAKER_01 3:56

I would go back in time in 2004 and look at the consequences. You know, I always tell people you can choose a sin, but you can't choose the consequence.

SPEAKER_00 4:14

Yeah, that's good. I haven't heard that one. Choose the sin, but not the consequence. Um, did you feel like you had any other options though when you were choosing the sin?

SPEAKER_01 4:29

At that moment, I don't think so, but you're asking me to reflect on something that occurred 22 years ago.

SPEAKER_00 4:38

Yeah. That can be hard. Okay, so you mentioned that the system didn't fully understand you. How do you how did your autism diagnosis impact how people treated you um in the system? Like the judge and lawyers, do they not take in consideration your diagnosis at all?

SPEAKER_01 5:03

In my opinion, they did not.

unknown 5:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 5:08

What would you what would you say to them, or how would you change the system? What could be different?

SPEAKER_01 5:18

Back in 2004, these two individuals had the option of allowing me to go through the mental health court. If I was allowed to complete the mental health court successfully without picking up additional charges, we not may not even be talking today.

SPEAKER_00 5:38

I wonder if those two people know how much they changed the trajectory of your life.

SPEAKER_01 5:46

Quite frankly, I don't think they care.

SPEAKER_00 5:48

Right. Yeah. So do you feel like your you I could probably answer this, but you feel like your situation needed support instead of punishment?

SPEAKER_01 6:01

I've always needed support and I can't find it.

SPEAKER_00 6:07

Did your parents help at all? Were they able to step in, or were they were was the system ever um open to hearing what your parents had to say?

SPEAKER_01 6:23

That's a fair question. I would say no. I had a couple of letters of recommendation, and I don't think it was ever taken into consideration.

SPEAKER_00 6:34

Well, so no one truly no one was truly there to advocate for you.

SPEAKER_01 6:41

People advocated for me. The court chose not to listen to that.

SPEAKER_00 6:49

Ah, they just didn't care. They just didn't listen.

SPEAKER_01 6:53

Well, no, I'm just a number in their conviction number game. You know, here's the thing that's how judges, lawyers, and police officers move up within the system is based on convictions.

SPEAKER_00 7:10

Hmm. The number of convention convictions that they get.

SPEAKER_01 7:15

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 7:16

Wow.

unknown 7:17

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 7:18

So I want to be clear on this podcast, we believe in accountability and growth. So, what responsibility do you have you taken um to take action and move forward? I know that you've written a book, so I'm sure that has helped.

SPEAKER_01 7:33

I take complete responsibility for my decision making in every single example that I gave you. And I think, you know, another big step is making I statements. It's it's a lot easier to use UE Bay statements, it's a lot more powerful to make I statements.

SPEAKER_00 7:55

Great. Well, let's bring this home for our listeners. What would you say to any parent that's raising a child who feels like they struggle with impulse control? Because I would like to ask you, did you have you always dealt with impulse control?

SPEAKER_01 8:11

Like as a absolutely no doubt.

SPEAKER_00 8:14

Yeah. So um, what would you say to someone that's raising a child that has impulse control?

SPEAKER_01 8:23

To recognize signs of it, to find a group of people that can support them and hold people accountable for their actions. And finding an accountability partner, this is not your best friend. This is a, if you're a man, a man, if you're a woman, a woman that will hold you accountable for what you said.

SPEAKER_00 8:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:46

But my suggestion is not to have your best friend do this.

SPEAKER_00 8:50

Yeah, because they'll maybe sometimes tell you what you want to hear.

SPEAKER_01 8:56

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 8:58

Yeah. What are some signs that we as parents should not ignore in our kids?

SPEAKER_01 9:06

If your son or daughter is withdrawing, if they're not opening up, if they're getting in trouble in school, if they're breaking the law, my story started off with small level thefts. It didn't just start off with a car theft, it started with lower level thefts. And because it wasn't dealt with properly, it accelerated.

SPEAKER_00 9:29

Would you mind taking us through that? Because I'm curious, because my child is young, he's like five, and I wonder. So, what were some of the signs or some of the things that you did in the early years, if you remember?

SPEAKER_01 9:41

And oh, I do driving off without paying for gas, walking out of restaurants without paying, excessive speed violations.

SPEAKER_00 9:50

What about when you were too young to do that? Like uh too young to drive? Do you have any examples of when you were a kid or a child? Or in middle school?

SPEAKER_01 10:03

The stealing really didn't start until I was a teenager.

SPEAKER_00 10:06

Okay. Was there something that triggered or that an event that triggered it, or something that you remember that made you do it, or not feeling seen?

SPEAKER_01 10:17

Did that make you there's a certain inherent rush of doing something and getting away with it? And because for me, I'm not fearful, and I think there's a healthy line between fear and being fearful of everything.

SPEAKER_00 10:34

Yeah. Yeah. So uh with consequences, did you get consequences when you were a teenager and you started to do these things? Or were you not caught? So there is that rush of not getting caught.

SPEAKER_01 10:51

I wasn't caught. So you never had the rush of getting away with it.

SPEAKER_00 11:00

So, how would what advice would you give to parents to help their children think through consequences?

SPEAKER_01 11:08

If your son or daughter is breaking the law, something needs to happen to wake them up. Whether you need to bring them down to juvenile hall to spend a couple of the nights, whether you need somebody like me to to talk to them about what what I've gone through, the torture I went through in prison, which was a wake-up call.

SPEAKER_00 11:34

Yeah. So do you do that now? Do you go around and speak about your your situation and your experiences to help others not go down this path?

SPEAKER_01 11:49

That is my dream. My dream is to talk to juveniles that are in juvenile hall or individuals that are in school that are breaking the law. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:01

That's really good.

SPEAKER_01 12:02

Well, you're because I don't want anybody to have to go through what I went through.

SPEAKER_00 12:06

Right. You're starting now. That's great. Getting your story out there and talking to parents, and parents are gonna listen to this and use this advice to help rear up their children in the right way. So thank you so much. Um, where are you now?

SPEAKER_01 12:22

If you're a parent and you're breaking the law or you're engaging in illegal behavior, your son or daughter is going to see that and think that it's okay. So you as a parent need to be morally right and be honest with what's going on.

SPEAKER_00 12:42

Yeah. 100%.

SPEAKER_01 12:45

And and and take ownership. If you make a mistake, admit it. Because if you don't, it'll be exposed at some point. You know, all secrets will be revealed.

SPEAKER_00 12:57

Yes. It's better to be up front and honest than it is to try to explain a secret or explain a situation when it was a secret. Um so where are you now with rebuilding your life? And uh hopefully you will get, I believe you'll get speaking gigs because you've done such a great job so far with speaking with me. Um what are your goals or what are you yeah, your I'll start with one question. What does rebuilding your life look like?

SPEAKER_01 13:36

Making an impact, giving back to the community. Okay. Allowing people to think about consequences.

SPEAKER_00 13:48

Very good.

SPEAKER_01 13:48

And I don't want to have anybody end up where I where I ended up. Prison is not a safe, fun place for anyone, and it's not a game.

SPEAKER_00 14:00

Um, what do you want people to understand about second chances?

SPEAKER_01 14:07

Everybody makes a mistake. Whether you went to prison or not, we all make bad decisions. The key is how we learn from it. Because the definition of insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting different results. I'll give you an example. If somebody's caught drunk driving, that wasn't their first time driving drunk. That was the first time they got caught. Guarantee you they've drive driven drunk at least three or four times before that.

SPEAKER_00 14:38

Right. Yeah, so look out for the signs. Matt, where can our listeners find you and where can they um get your book?

SPEAKER_01 14:50

Bullied behind bars, a gay Christian Trump supporter goes to prison. You can follow me on Instagram, bully behind bars, x bars bully, Facebook, Matthew.melvin.5621. Email me, bulliedbehind bars at gmail.com. I'd love to hear from you.

SPEAKER_00 15:06

Amazing. Thank you so much, Matt. It was wonderful talking to you. I didn't know where this conversation was going to go, but I think we got a lot of great advice from you. And I am very happy that we got to sit down together today.

SPEAKER_01 15:19

Thank you so much.

SPEAKER_00 15:21

Yes.