Ep 11: Overthinking in Sobriety: How Fear and Hesitation Steal Your Best Moments

🎙️ Episode 11: Kiss the Girl
Sobriety Now What? with Stuart Cline

Sometimes, it's not the moments we seize—but the ones we miss—that shape us most.

In this deeply personal and cinematic episode, Stuart shares a story he’s never told before. It’s a real-life scene straight out of a John Hughes film: tuxedos, limousines, first kisses, and a missed opportunity that still echoes decades later. But at the heart of this story isn’t just a kiss—it’s about intuition, courage, and a friend named Sam who changed everything.

This episode is a reminder that sometimes the universe speaks through regret—not to shame us, but to teach us. You’ll be inspired to trust your gut, take the risk, and kiss the girl—whatever that moment looks like in your own life.

You'll also be invited to reflect on the “Sams” in your life—the people who saw you, believed in you, and helped you belong—and how you can be that person for someone else today.

💬 If this story moved you, inspired you, or made you smile, please follow the show and leave a review. Even just a simple “Thanks, Sam” will mean the world.

Invitation to consider at least one helpful piece of information to help them thrive in their sobriety and to share with podcast with others and to follow and email questions. 

Transcript

Sobriety Now What? Ep 11 Kiss The Girl - Lessons Learned To Thrive in Sobriety. 

Speaker: [00:00:00] Welcome to Sobriety Now What the podcast to help you thrive in your sobriety. Hi, I'm Stuart Klein, a master's level addictions counselor and success coach. Today I'm doing something I wasn't planning to do. Honestly, I've gone back and forth on whether I should even tell this story, but for the past two weeks, it's been stuck in my head.

Every interview I tried to line up, fell through every other episode, felt. Flat. It's like the universe kept nudging me. Nope. Not until you tell the story. So I'm listening and I'm listening because I've sat with thousands of people in recovery and I've never once had someone's regret listening to their intuition.

But I can't tell you how many times I've heard, I knew I shouldn't have gone to that party. I knew that relationship wasn't right. I had a feeling I shouldn't have said yes to that job. So if today resonates with you, I'd love to hear from you in the comments or reviews, just to know that following my gut was worth it, because that's what this episode is really about.[00:01:00] 

Get out of your head and into your heart, taking the risk, trusting your gut, feeling the fear, and doing it anyway. So today I'm taking my own advice. Today we're gonna talk about a story I call Kiss the Girl. It's about a guy, me, a girl, a best friend, a missed opportunity, and a moment that changed everything.

I believe you are here for a reason today. There might be a message that is just what you need to hear. Alright, here we go. Let's begin. Growing up, I had one of those cinematic teenage dream moments straight out of a 1980s John Hughes movie. You know, pretty in pink or 16 Candles with Molly Ringwald. The misfit kid who doesn't quite fit in somehow gets invited to the big party and then magic happens.

Well, I had my own version, except in mine, I blew it. What should have been a perfect, unforgettable movie worthy ending. It turned into a letdown. I [00:02:00] still think about to this day, many, many decades later. But hidden in the missed moment was a lesson. A lesson I didn't fully understand until years later. And that's the story I wanna share with you today.

It's the one I can't get out of my head. I. Let me take you back. It was freshman year in New Jersey. I was painfully shy, struggling with social anxiety and the kind of awkwardness that makes socializing feel like claustrophobia, like a minefield. Like at any moment I would be shamed and humiliated. I was a follower and regularly imagined that I was invisible when I was in social situations.

Afraid to be seen or heard. Every four years we would move, and this year we moved to New Jersey. My first week in high school, I did not know where anything was. It was a huge school. Thousands of students went to the school. The first week I knew no one. I. I ate lunch at the senior cafeteria for five days alone [00:03:00] until three female seniors came up to me to meet me.

That sounded great, but I was a freshman and unknowingly was sitting in the senior only cafeteria. When they found out I was a freshman, their warmth turned the cold and sent me packing to the other cafeteria where every other grade had lunch. The next day I went to the cafeteria for lunch and sat alone, but I wasn't alone for very long.

Because a boy by the name of Sam, another freshman came over and introduced himself, hi, I'm Sam. He then sat down and later introduced me to his friends. From that day forward, we were best friends for the next four years, if you're lucky, I. You get one Sam in your life. He was outgoing, smart, confident, welcoming, magnetic.

He was a leader in everything that I was not. He pulled me into his world, basketball, pickup games, learning to play the guitar, double dates with girls, and he inspired me to apply to be a counselor in training [00:04:00] at a camp in New Hampshire. Where I had my first kiss from a French Canadian girl, I felt very cool because secretly I told myself I was now an international kisser.

That one kiss made my head pretty big. For a 17-year-old, this would not have happened if it wasn't for Sam in my life. He encouraged me to say yes to things I normally would've avoided. He got me out of my head and into the world. He had such a positive influence on me. One summer, day before sophomore year, I was over at his house.

Sam wanted us to have nicknames, Ugg and Mott. I thought for sure he'd pick Ugg, the cooler one, but when you let me choose, I took it. I wanted to be more like him. That was Sam. Always letting others shine. Fast forward to senior year. By then, I was at a different school. I had transferred after freshman year, but Sam and I would hang out during the breaks and summers.

Another time he called me up and said, [00:05:00] Debbie's family is throwing this huge catered black tie charity ball. People are driving in from New York City with limos, celebrities will be their athletes and live music. She invited me and said, you could come too. I did not know Debbie very well. I went to high school with her freshman year, but that was it.

We were now seniors. Well, we went, we showed up early before the party started dressed in a rented tux. The brick house was huge. Lights flooded the front of the house and there was valet parking. I am out of my element and following Sam's lead all along. We arrived early and went into Debbie's room, and she had the whole girls basketball team there hanging out.

They all were overjoyed because they just won the state high school basketball championship just hours earlier. Everyone was excited to be invited to this party of a lifetime. To give you a little idea of the neighborhood. They lived blocks from Bruce Springsteen's home in Rumson, New Jersey. The sun was going down on the warm summer [00:06:00] night.

The backyard sparkled with string lights, the scent of upscale catered food with waiters ready to pass around. Hor d'oeuvres filled our senses, and just as the guests were arriving, Debbie's parents asked us all to be the greeters for the guests. We line the stairs outside in front of the entrance to shake the hand of the guests.

The cars pulled up one after another, limousine after limousine. People started to arrive New York, NBA players, rock musicians, Dweezil Zappa, wealthy New York socialites, you name it, they were there. This was a party that belonged in magazines. The laughter and excitement of well-dressed mega wealthy strangers floated through the night.

But the real John Hughes moment didn't happen until later when the party was winding down around 3:00 AM I leave the billiard room where Sam, Debbie, and the female high school basketball team was playing pool. I slipped into the beautiful, decorated, empty living room to catch my breath. I was overwhelmed, overstimulated but [00:07:00] happy.

The room was quiet, dim, light spilled across the floor from an antique lamp. I sat into a leather couch alone with my thoughts. For a moment, I pretended that I lived like this normally. Then Debbie, this beautiful girl, walked in barefoot like a princess, all dressed up, holding her high heels in her hand.

I had my jacket off and bow tie undone. She crossed the room and went straight to me. She plopped down right next to me like she didn't have a care in the world. And then it happened. She leaned in and turned to face me. Her lips were one inch from my face. I could feel the warmth of her breath on my skin.

I smelled her sweet perfume. My heart started beating faster. I could feel my eyes dilating, taking it all in. She looked deeply into my eyes and whispered, what are you thinking? But instead of leaning in, I hesitated. And in that tiny moment where [00:08:00] instinct meant overthinking, I chose to ask permission for something.

The moment was already giving me, I said, I want to kiss you. And then she laughs out loud in my face. Not just a little laugh, but a full blown laugh that echoed throughout the house. She rolled back onto the couch, tears in her eyes from belly laughing for what felt like eternity, and then she walked away back into the billiard room.

Hmm. That wasn't exactly what I was thinking was gonna happen. I sat there frozen with regret. Embarrassed, humiliated and replayed every second. At that point, the party was over for me. The 16 candle ending was not gonna happen. I left the party early, walking many miles to the next town, over in a tuxedo under the cold New Jersey, stars feeling like the smallest person in the world.

I kept this experience silent for a long time, and over the next few years, I only saw her in passing on [00:09:00] occasion. So why am I telling you this story? Is it to reminisce about glory days like Bruce Springsteen sings about? Maybe a little, but not really. My hope is that it'll help you embrace the opportunities before you.

I want you to take something from this story, something I wish I understood sooner, because yes, I miss the kiss, but I also want you to see what I gained from the story. And that's Sam. Sam is the real hero here. He took a risk. He saw someone sitting alone and he didn't just walk by. He sat down. He introduced himself, and that single moment changed the course of my life forever.

He was bold. He took action, he made things happen. He didn't just lead others. He led his life. Back then, I was the opposite. I followed, I hesitated, I stayed in my head. I was safe. And honestly, if it wasn't for Sam, I wouldn't be here telling you the story. I. [00:10:00] He's the reason I got invited to the party. He's the reason I had my first kiss at camp.

He's the reason I even believed I could belong. Looking back, I don't think Sam was just a coincidence. I believe the universe, God, grace, spirit, whatever you name it, put Sam in my path. He was a blessing. Him and his family and the way they lived it gave me something to model, something to rise towards.

And now I want to ask you something. Who has been your Sam? I want you to think about that. Who reached out when you felt invisible? Who helped you feel seen or strong or included? Maybe for the first time? Close your eyes for a second. Let yourself feel what it was like to be cared for like that, to be believed in.

To be included. Now, what would happen if you became that person for someone else? You became a Sam. I want to challenge you this week. Push out your comfort zone. Reach out to someone. Start a [00:11:00] conversation with a stranger. Offer support. Call someone. Sit down next to someone sitting alone, be a Sam. You never know how the ripple out effect can impact people's lives to the better.

I believe you might just surprise yourself and that other person, and possibly you may make a friend or make their day or create a memory. That they'll hold forever. I wanna thank you for listening today. If this story moved you, inspired you or made you smile, please follow the show and leave a five star review so that others can pick it up.

And if you're not sure what to say in the reviews, just write, thanks, Sam. Because without people like him, I wouldn't have lived this story and you wouldn't have heard it. Until next time, be kind to yourself and when in doubt, you now know what to do. You kiss the girl.