Weird Neighbors, Apartment Ailments

You've never truly lived until you've experienced the unique joys of apartment living – where paper-thin walls reveal the most bizarre habits of complete strangers. We share hilarious & disturbing stories about weird neighbors and apartment living from skateboarding kids to mysterious underwear thieves. 

Listen for the full uncensored stories & don't forget to message us with your own weird neighbor experiences at @fearlesslyfemale_uncensored. 

🎙️fearlesslyfemaleuncensored@gmail.com

Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome to Fearlessly Female
• 1:40 Spray Tans and Valentine's Flowers
• 3:30 The WWE Upstairs Neighbors
• 7:50 The Mystery of the Thong Bandit
• 10:30 The Onion Enthusiast Next Door
• 12:08 The Suspicious Smell Investigation
• 14:00 Closing Thoughts and Call for Stories

Transcript

Welcome to Fearlessly Female

Brittany 0:00

Welcome back to another episode of Fearlessly Female, where two blondes make a right. We're Brittany and Meghan, the hosts of Fearlessly Female. This podcast was born out of ambition, drive and a lot of wine. We're two powerhouse comedic women having uncensored conversations about topics that affect women. We're airing all the dirty laundry, so grab your favorite drink, give us a listen.

Meghan 0:20

Today's podcast is Weird Neighbors Apartment Ailments Edition

Brittany 0:25

We're here with our wine, our uncensored thoughts and lots of stories about folks who live above, below or next door to you, who make life just a little bit more interesting. You know the neighbors who keep you on your toes and maybe make you question your life choices, or just choices in apartments.

Meghan 0:42

That's right. The ones who have you convinced that peace and quiet is just a fantasy, from strange smells to questionable noises at all hours of the night, we've seen it all. But before we get started, warning Calm your tits. Offense will not be taken here. Grab your favorite drink, burn your bra and have a good time. Okay, I know we're going to get into the ailments part of this podcast but can we start off with something fun first?

Brittany 1:16

I mean, we gotta. Our listeners will revolt if we jump right into the stories we got from them today.

Meghan 1:19

So one of my favorite apartment living stories was when I was living with another girl. We met on Craigslist and moved in, without having met in person, mind you.

Brittany 1:28

Oh my gosh, you just don't do that these days!

Brittany 1:30

I mean, actually you shouldn't have been doing it those days either.

Spray Tans and Valentine's Flowers

Meghan 1:35

Probably not. I did it anyways. Luck was on my side because it turned out fine. We had the most chaotic schedule. Both of us were working full time and going to school full time, so the apartment was just a landing pad, stop on through, kind of thing, but a few fun things came out of this girly apartment.

Brittany 1:54

Oh my gosh, you were wild.

Brittany 1:57

I'm imagining lots of pink and lots of ribbons and bows.

Meghan 1:59

Try spray tans in the living room and flowers from many suitors.

Brittany 2:05

Ew, close enough, close enough.

Meghan 2:06

Yeah, I was getting a spray tan. So just butt ass naked in the living room getting sprayed down. When she walked into the apartment, what I love most about it is we already had the vibe of, yeah, just got to get done. What we got to get done. Didn't even phase her.

Brittany 2:21

Oh, the spray tan days. So how about the flowers?

Meghan 2:25

Well, she was aggressively dating at the time, really just looking for her prince charming right. Well, valentine's Day rolled around and she got so many flowers, so many like they were everywhere around the apartment.

Brittany 2:40

Oh my gosh, she's going to open up her own florist. I bet that smelled so good, though.

Meghan 2:47

It did but one of the guys came over to pick her up for a date and was like oh, I see, I'm not the first one here. She said, oh no, those are all my roommates. She got a lot of flowers. I was dying.

Brittany 3:01

In supportive of her endeavors.

Meghan 3:04

Heck yeah, she ended up marrying that one and having a beautiful child.

Brittany 3:09

Aw, that's so sweet. That's so sweet. Well, should we pull the rug out on our listeners and jump into our ailments?

The WWE Upstairs Neighbors

Meghan 3:17

You bet let's talk about our favorite type of neighbor, the dreaded upstairs neighbor. You know the ones who make you wonder if they're filming an action movie in their living room. And, on that note, I think you need to tell them about your upstairs neighbor story, Brittany, because wow.

Brittany 3:34

Oh, the upstairs neighbor. Okay, so picture this I'm relaxing, drinking a glass of wine, obviously hanging out with my dog, you know, really just trying to, like, unwind from the day. And then, you know, suddenly wham. And then this massive thud comes from above, so loud, I like throw my glass of wine. My dog, like panic, jumps off the couch.

Meghan 3:55

The wine. What a travesty. I assume that was the first of many thuds.

Brittany 4:01

You know it, they were just getting started. So it turns out the woman who lived upstairs had two kids, a boy and a girl, like probably between maybe like six and ten years old, but these kids treated like their apartment, like it was like an extreme sporting arena. I'm talking rollerblading, skateboarding, even what sounded like some sort of WWE wrestling practice.

Meghan 4:23

Wait inside the apartment Skateboards at all. I'd be terrified every time I heard them take a lap.

Brittany 4:29

Yes, at first I was like there's no way, that's a skateboard, absolutely no way. And then I hear this like rumbling, I swear it was like they were doing tricks off the couch and then those wrestling moves. Oh my gosh, it was like nonstop rumble overhead. The whole apartment was vibrating and my poor dog would just run under and hide for his life under the bed.

Meghan 4:54

Dedication. Imagine the kids being like tonight. Let's try a pile driver from the dining room chair. I'm thinking Randy Savage, oh yeah.

Brittany 5:04

They just needed Michael Buff er to kick things off. [Michael Buffer clip:] For the thousands in attendance and the millions watching around the world on hbo pay-per-view. Ladies and gentlemen from Mandalay Bay, Las Vegas let's get ready to rumble.

Brittany 5:29

Oh my gosh, there were times I genuinely thought they were going to come through the roof and I'm like any minute now I'm just going to look up and see little legs dangling from my ceiling

Meghan 5:39

Tickle their toes, Maybe? Not so funny story. I actually did fall through the ceiling once, but let's finish your story first. What did you even do?

Brittany 5:49

So I felt kind of bad because she was a single mom and she worked full time. When the kicker was here's, a real kicker. She went to the same gym as I did and she was always there. So I'm like, all right, you're trying to like prioritize, like you know, your health and your mental sanity or whatever. How do you even like address this with the parent? Like, excuse me, can you maybe take your kids, uh, skateboarding to like an actual park? Pretty sure they're trying out for wwe. But I like I tried a bunch of things. You know, I was like bringing the broom on the ceiling, I complained to the management company but at the end of the day, you know, I just ended up like kind of fully embracing having a skate park wrestling rink above me and it just kind of became part of the charm, I guess.

Meghan 6:33

Part of the charm. Dang, you are a nicer person than I am for sure.

Brittany 6:38

So did you actually go through the ceiling?

Meghan 6:40

Yeah, I had this attic that it could have been turned into a room and I was hunting for one of my kitties that had gotten in there. And well, for those listeners that have done attic work, which I'm pretty sure, that's all of you.

Brittany 6:53

Oh, oh yeah, I regularly find myself in the attic.

Meghan 6:57

Well, you forget, the floor isn't floor. And I stepped in between the boards trying to get the cat and fell through. Well, my arms caught me and my legs were dangling.

Brittany 7:08

Oh my gosh, did anybody come to tickle your toes though?

Meghan 7:11

Man, I was all by myself with a long fall broken up by a washer and ending with tiles, so I was really freaking out and hanging on for dear life until I could pull myself up.

Brittany 7:22

Oh, my gosh. I'm glad you're okay, but please tell me you fixed the hole with the pizza box.

Meghan 7:27

How did you know? Enough of that drama. It's time to go on to Sisqo's famous song for this next story.

Brittany 7:36

Next on our list of weird neighbors, we're hitting a whole new level of weird, Meghan. I think it's time to share your story of the thong bandit.

The Mystery of the Thong Bandit

Meghan 7:49

I honestly still can't believe this happened. But here we go. So picture this I'm living in an apartment building with shared laundry room in the basement. Pretty standard, right?

Brittany 7:59

Right, right, until it's not.

Meghan 8:02

I was also in grad school at the time, working full time, so my schedule was super crazy. It wasn't like I had like an OCD schedule that could be tracked. This is important to this story. One day I was doing my laundry, getting my clothes out of the dryer, and I head back to my apartment to fold everything. I started sorting and then I realized wait a minute, where's my underwear? Yes, I mean all my socks and shirts were still there, but the underwear gone. Not a single pair left.

Brittany 8:32

Gosh, ew, what did you do?

Meghan 8:36

At first I thought maybe I forgot to put it in the wash, but after double-checking my apartment I knew something was up. Then, after a few more trips to the laundry room, I realized every time I washed my clothes my underwear would disappear. And it wasn't just any old laundry thief. This guy was selective Shirts, jeans, towels untouched, but every single pair of underwear gone. It was like he was on a mission to build the world's largest underwear collection.

Brittany 9:04

My God, it's Victor's secret. So what did you do? Call the building manager.

Meghan 9:10

Well, I mean, you know, I went to Target and filled that conveyor belt up with a huge pile of thongs and it kept happening every time I did my laundry. Just the thongs.

Brittany 9:21

The thong bandit strikes again. No, but did you actually catch him?

Meghan 9:29

Nope, it just really creeped me out. Because of the schedule, right, he had been watching me. I didn't leave the laundry for any extra time than it needed to be washed, so that was the part that was super uncomfortable, minus, you know, continually having to buy new thongs, but you best know the next apartment I got had a washer and dryer in unit.

Brittany 9:49

Definitely Honestly. Apartment living just keeps us on our toes. It's like you never know what your neighbors are up to behind closed doors.

Meghan 9:58

Exactly. So if you're out there wondering if you've got a thong bandit of your own, double check those dryers people and maybe keep your laundry close by.

Brittany 10:08

You know you should have gotten like a 4X thong just to mess with him or her. I mean, you know, could have been a woman too.

The Onion Enthusiast Next Door

Meghan 10:18

My gosh. If I wasn't so freaked out, that would have been the best. Well, living in close quarters brings all kinds of sounds and stealing. But what about another sense Smell, Unusual smells, to be exact? I did have an upstairs neighbor who apparently had a deep-rooted passion for onions.

Brittany 10:38

Oh, I remember this guy.

Brittany 10:40

This wasn't just my neighbors cooking something with onions, was it?

Meghan 10:41

No, no, no, not even close. For months it was just this loud bang, bang, bang, and it wasn't like they were working out or dropping weights. It was like super fast, super repetitive, and I could never really pinpoint what it was. Well, one day I was relaxing on the bed and I decided to open the window and let me tell you, that onion smell just smacked me across the face. And it's not just a hint of onion right, this is like full force onion. I swear he was prepping enough onions for the tri-city area I was living in.

Brittany 11:12

I mean, how honestly, how many onions does one person need? Was he trying out for MasterChef, maybe?

Meghan 11:19

There is a limit or there should be a limit. You know those warning labels that are so ridiculous because someone obviously had tried it. So I'm just sitting there with eyes watering wondering if this is some sort of onion-themed hobby I was unaware of. I was so close to knocking on the door and being like, please spare us all. There's only so much onion a building can handle.

Brittany 11:40

Imagine if they open the door and there's, just like bags upon bags of onions just piled over the apartment.

Meghan 11:48

At this point it's folklore, the mystery of the onion enthusiast. Brittany, I know you've had a similar smell experience.

Brittany 11:55

Oh my gosh, this one was next level disturbing. So I'm in a building I lived in and there was this unit that started to smell suspicious.

The Suspicious Smell Investigation

Meghan 12:07

I know what kind of suspicious smell are we talking about here.

Brittany 12:12

Well, it started off faint, but it kept getting worse. And not just bad, it developed something into so intense and so putrid that the people in the apartment next door they couldn't even be inside their own unit anymore.

Meghan 12:26

No, I do not like the direction of this story. I definitely want to be upwind of it.

Brittany 12:32

Before I get into what it was, there's a backstory to this. The couple that lived there in the apartment in question. They were two gay guys, but they would always fight. Anyways, one of them ended up getting arrested. I have no clue for what, but the cops came to their apartment to arrest him and, mind you, all this happened about two to three weeks prior to this suspicious smell.

Meghan 12:53

Oh my, God, was it a dead body? Did one of them kill the other one?

Brittany 12:58

It gets better. So the building manager couldn't get a hold of either owner. They just went MIA. So we ended up calling the cops. Because it's Florida, it's in July, it's hot, humid, need I say more? So everybody's there, the cops, the fire department, the first responders, the crime scene investigation unit, and so the fire department kicks the door down. You know the stuff like you kind of see in movies, right?

Meghan 13:23

Oh, it's definitely a dead body. Somebody called crime junkies.

Brittany 13:29

Thankfully no. Turns out it was a fridge full of spoiled food.

Brittany 13:34

I guess they had been away and their fridge stopped working

Meghan 13:37

Only in apartment life can you go from a murder mystery to a kitchen disaster in a matter of minutes.

Brittany 13:43

Exactly so moral of the story keep tabs on your onions and your refrigerator, and let's not give our neighbors a scare they'll never forget.

Closing Thoughts and Call for Stories

Meghan 13:53

Well, that's a wrap on our apartment antics and the questionable cast of characters that comes with it. To all of our listeners out there in the trenches of apartment life, just remember it's all fun and games until you have a thong bandit or an almost CSI investigation.

Brittany 14:06

And to all of you who got your own crazy stories, we need to hear them. Seriously, bring us your weirdest, your wildest, your WTF-est neighbor tales. Message us @furiouslyfemale_ uncensored to make it onto our next episode.

Meghan 14:20

Until next time, keep it fearless, keep it fabulous and always keep the wine flowing. Cheers to surviving apartment life, one crazy neighbor at a time.