The Trauma Within Reflecting on Healing Journeys and Intentional Resilience W/ Chris

What does it mean to truly heal from trauma, and how do we create spaces that nurture this journey? As we wrap up the first season of Trauma Queen, we reflect on the profound conversations we've had since 2018, enriched by the invaluable contribution of our talented editor, Chris. After my father's passing, podcasting became a beacon of passion and healing, allowing us to explore the depths of trauma with authenticity and grace. Chris shares their unique perspective from behind the scenes, emphasizing the importance of selecting guests who bring genuine, personal connections to their stories.

The road hasn't been easy, navigating personal challenges like relapse, breakups, and loss. Yet, the podcast has been a pillar of focus and resilience, serving as a testament to the power of intention and community support. We critique societal pressures of resilience, particularly within predominantly white spaces, and challenge the platitudes that often accompany this narrative. As someone who grew up navigating the contrasting worlds of Chicago and its suburbs, I share my journey of understanding the true meaning of strength beyond stereotypes and cultural misperceptions.

Looking ahead, we're filled with excitement about the future. Our visions include global projects, plans for expansion, and powerful collaborations aimed at addressing trauma and addiction on a larger scale. We share anecdotes about intrusive political messages and humorous gym escapades, always with an eye on personal growth and community impact. As we prepare for new seasons, we’re thankful for the trust and stories shared by our guests and listeners. Here's to manifesting blessings and creating spaces that genuinely support our healing journeys.

Thank you all for listening. Set a boundary with yourself this week, set a boundary with someone else. If someone else does not respect that boundary. LET THEM LOOSE YOU! Stay hydrated internally and externally. We do not have an ashy family.


IG: @The_Trauma_Within
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@thetraumawithin
Jimanekia Ig: @Jimanekia

Transcript

Speaker 2 0:12

Hello and welcome to the last episode of season one. If you are here, welcome, welcome, like subscribe. What do the girls say Like subscribe? What else they say? Chris, because we're going to do better in season two.

Speaker 1 0:31

Yes, like comment subscribe. You hit me on the Insta.

Speaker 2 0:35

Yeah, yeah, season two. We're going to have this better. We're transitioning and if you are listening to this last episode of season one, you can hear Chris right now. Chris is the one that snatches me up, edits me cute, and so normally you hear me introduce the guest. And so today you are going to meet this lovely cutie with a dog. You are going to meet this lovely cutie with a dog, the lovely editor on the other side, please introduce yourself how you would like to be introduced to the world.

Speaker 1 1:14

Hi, I'm Chris.

Speaker 2 1:18

Now, you shy Now you shy.

Speaker 1 1:19

What's going on y'all? I just laughed at myself because you touched the mic and I had like an editor response. But you know, when you see this in the future, chris, deal with it. But I'm doing well as can be with the world on fire.

Speaker 2 1:38

Yes, yes, she lit. We're going to get through it. So this is the last episode of season one.

Speaker 1 1:52

We did that. We did that.

Speaker 2 1:54

We did it. I just wanted to say thank you for jumping in to a journey of my heart and my brain with me and, if you are listening, we're just going to do a quick, and when I say quick, we don't who knows this is actually going to be quick, because we long winded sometimes when we get together, so get ready.

Speaker 2 2:16

But this is a little past, present, future conversation. So the past Trauma Queen has existed for quite some time. I started Trauma Queen in 2018. And this is a reiteration of Trauma Queen. This is Trauma Queen presents the trauma within and the past. It was focused around trauma survivors, specifically sexual assault, and it came back because my dad died last year.

Speaker 2 2:48

It came back because my dad died last year and I needed to find something to get me out of my head and to get me back into my heart. And I said, oh, I really love podcasting and I really love talking to my friends, and I knew that trauma existed in many spaces and many spaces existed that people didn't think about and I needed a podcast editor because mama can't do that and I didn't want a new job and there was this lovely human that everyone was raving about and I said, well, you know, let me talk to this little cutie over here with a booty. And they said, absolutely. And I said, oh, that was easier than I thought and you came into my life and it is one of the best gifts. You are one of the best gifts that I got this year. So thank you for coming and jumping into it with your brain, and we're going to be doing some amazing things in the future that y'all are not prepared for.

Speaker 2 3:43

So that is the past and so the present. We get to have some really fun conversations this year. We really got to have some conversations this year in ways that we got to talk and laugh. There were conversations that we were like wait, what happened? Do you remember any conversations that kind of popped up for you? I know this is on the spot.

Speaker 1 4:09

Not specifically, but what I always say is I always have an emotional reaction when I'm editing, so it always turns either from a kiki to a cry to, like you know, investigating. Shout out to Claire, because when I say you, I did some Googles in the first few weeks of doing this podcast, because sometimes you think you know people, you think you know trauma or what that even means. But it's been so redefined this season, I feel like, with just me as an editor.

Speaker 1 4:36

I can only imagine what the audience has been getting. But yeah, it's just this emotional feeling of like, and that's the only reason I take on certain jobs. And like edit is because I get this feeling right. Like we're talking about the past. Like when you called and you said like hey, I have this idea and I want to do this. And I was like, listen, I can talk my way out of anything. So I was like, yes, I'm all for it, honey. And then behind the scenes, I was like, well, let's figure out something how to make this work job, because it's got to be cute.

Speaker 1 5:12

I can't be like selling on this random reputation that I have because people say I'm great or whatever. I just think that I like doing the work and I like making sure that things are cute. I feel like that's my little OCD thing, like that can't be explained in school. I like making it look good. I like making people sound good. They explained in school. It's like I like making it look good. I might like making people sound good like I'm the most weird, awkward person in person.

Speaker 1 5:29

But like gosh, this experience this last year has been really eye-opening, especially with like you coming into my life and like I re found a love for like wrestling through this podcast and like this experience and just like listening to people. Sometimes it's good to just listen to other people's stories, even when you're going through it, like to hear the way that trauma is framed on this show is. It's very different. It's not trauma porn. It's more so like girlfriends, them friends, boyfriends just sitting around and just kicking in and talking about like what happened and how we're better for it or how we're not. Sometimes we're just not okay.

Speaker 2 6:13

Yeah, I think the thing that I really got to take away from this is I chose everyone on this show. People reach out like I think I'd be great on your show and I'm like you haven't listened at all, because everyone is someone that is in my life in some capacity. They are either close friends Most of these people are close friends or friend adjacent but they have like a connection to me, um, or someone that I've really really admire, that I'm like, oh my gosh, thank you so much for being open to being in conversation, like like Jade, like like XD. That became closer, you know, because of you or whomever. And now, like I'm like these people are like I kiki with them all the time.

Speaker 1 7:01

Behind the scenes BTS. So before Jay's episode, because me and Jay go way back, y'all know, if y'all know anything about me, I used to edit for them. So Jay called me and was like now who is?

Speaker 1 7:13

this Jemineka and I need to know about her and this podcast. He was just so curious at first and then afterwards she called and talked to us for like 20-30 minutes and was just like ranting. Oh my gosh, she's amazing. We just sat, called and talked to us for like 20, 30 minutes and was just like ranting. It was like, oh my gosh, she's amazing. We just sat here and talked. It was so easy. We have a process. So I was. I just that's a testament to like the interview process. Even when it's not like a close, close friend or somebody that you're meeting, it's your energy I got.

Speaker 1 7:38

I feel like that's what translates through each episode, I think that energy of like that welcome energy, that home energy that people can feel at home and open up, like those are things that I experience as like an editor or like a behind the scenes friend, and I'm just like, yeah, like talk to her, You'll get your life right. You know what I mean. Like that's how the conversation went.

Speaker 2 8:01

Yeah, and I think that that is a gift that I am so thankful to have, because we do have hard conversations. I let people pick their topics. I think that's also important, too, for autonomy for folks when we're having these deep talks. And you brought up wrestling. Wrestling is something that you and I have in common and for us growing up as children little black kids that like wrestling. Let's pull it back. Wrestling wasn't necessarily for us little black kids.

Speaker 2 8:39

Talk about it in a few weeks you know and to have a whole month of just wrestling conversations and having women focused on wrestling conversations and safety. I think for us to have that together and to like have those moments, that was important for us.

The Power of Intention and Resilience

Speaker 1 9:00

Yeah, like some people don't realize. Like we have kind of approached this like was wrestling, like we talked about it like it was booking at first, like how can we make things pop with the people that we have? And then I remember earlier in the year when the he who Shall Not Be Named had allegations and things come out. You know, we went into like crisis mode and like safety. And so, like crisis mode and like safety, like we had a few episodes and we had some things we lined up so that, you know, women, boys, thems, theys can like go and have a resource, almost Like that was a really on the fly thing.

Speaker 2 9:33

Black History Month.

Speaker 1 9:34

It was black over here it was booked to be black. Like these are intentions, right, and with a lot of podcasts that I've worked with, ain't no intention. Like they come through the door and they're like I just want to talk, or let's talk about Beyonce, and it's like, you know, september, leading up to all in a W, like there was a, there was a thought process, was why each episode and the way things were laid out, there's like there's something, there's something special about that.

Speaker 1 10:02

I would say like there's not a lot of connection in that way that you see with other podcasts, at least from my experience. I worked on the Spotify Big Girls and then I worked on it's Me and a Friend.

Speaker 2 10:20

You know what?

Speaker 1 10:20

I mean, and those are the best experiences, because those are the times where you figure out why don't I think about this like wrestling? Why don't I think about podcasts like something I can relate to?

Speaker 2 10:29

right, yeah, yeah, and I guess for any genre or any creator out there like go for something out of the box.

Speaker 1 10:36

If you're a Star Wars girly, then act like this is Andromeda 6. I don't know, is that the thing? But I don't know. I don't know, I don't know, but you know. Like, make it whatever it is, like sometimes.

Speaker 2 10:50

I live my life as a reality show.

Speaker 1 10:51

Like, literally, me and Chris talk about like life, like we're on a reality show. I will turn to the fourth camera. Break the wall like go into a confessional. That's just somehow at times how I have to process, so it's good thinking outside the box with this project. It's been like refreshing.

Speaker 2 11:06

I think it's super important also the ways that we have navigated the show with intentionality that is something you brought up is we wanted a show about trauma to also be a safe space for people to consume this information. We wanted it to be educational. We wanted it to be honest. Um, it isn't a fluff show Like it. It wasn't like let's coddle people. There's laughter, there's cursing, there's positives, there's negatives. It isn't like a there's a wave, like sure, we wanted people to be set up. There is a wave in the beginning, but there might not always be a happy ending, because life isn't always happy. Which takes me to we was going through our own shit during this goddamn show.

Speaker 1 11:49

Okay, honey, let's talk about it. Okay, like I don't know how personal we're going to get, but like I was going through, Through.

Speaker 1 11:58

Through. For those who don't know, don't follow me on Instagram or anything like that I suffered a relapse at the beginning of the summer, a full-on. He was out at 7, 11, at 6 in the morning drinking with the dolls that type of relapse and it wasn't until A. I told you, I told my family and it really started to show in the work ethic that I had. Like it really started to show when episodes came in, like three minutes before nine o'clock or you know what I mean. There's like there's a problem with this and I'm not focused.

Speaker 1 12:36

Like it bled into other parts of my life and I think that's it was a huge red flag for me, like coming out of my darkness, of like this is something pure. This is something that I mean it's boiled down to the simplest process. I would spill the tea on that process but I won't. But it is boiled down to where I can do my job in my sleep and Jim can just slide me, everything. It's just built that way and at the time it was not, it was chaos.

Speaker 1 13:04

I'm not finishing things and I say all that to say that sometimes your light and your dark, like shadowy moments, has to come from feeling normal, right, like that's kind of what I told you at the time like this product going back to like figuring out how to be the editor I'm supposed to be, returned me back to like the man I was supposed to be, right, like the adult taking responsibility, not lying or like hiding anything. And a lot of that does come from, like projects like this, where you're like, well, I care about this a little more and I care about you know, continuing this facade right. And, of course, there are, like all these external factors because, uh, she going through it again, but it's not that, but like she's going through like life again. And I feel like I have this support system from this show, from other aspects of my life that have happened this summer. Like that I have the support system. I need to continue to keep going.

Speaker 1 13:59

You know and that's not something you can always say. I know you could talk to this, but not something you could always say. Caring for other people, you know what?

Speaker 2 14:07

I mean yeah, I went through three breakups during this damn show.

Speaker 2 14:12

Three, two, two. I did One. I did not choose One that smacked me out the blue, but all of them are real, not all of them. One of them was like two of them are really hard and you know, I am still very much picking myself up and still very much, still going through grief.

Speaker 2 14:35

And for those that like don't know, I do have a lot of jobs, mom, fix your face, I do have a lot of jobs. You, you know, I do work at a professional wrestling company Y'all know who and the day I started that job my dad died and so I have been working through and working through and I will be taking a break next week. So this is why this also is the last episode of the season, because I will be taking a 10 day, maybe a little bit longer, two week vacation off the grid. She will be gone in recovery for herself. But you know we have been pushing through and, if you will also notice, I batch recorded a lot of these episodes. So as you watch, if you are a visual person, you will see I have a lot of different hairstyles.

Speaker 1 15:28

Let me tell you something. The other day I was going through the library and I was like mama has had hairstyles all up and through here Like people wouldn't know, but like yeah.

Challenging Resilience and Platitude Culture

Speaker 2 15:42

But if you are looking at the visuals, I have had blue hair hair, green hair, no hair, big hair, braids, sometimes all in the same month. It's just like honey, um, but we have navigated and we have shown up and done the things and you know, what it also shows is promise within us, and it is real and it shows up in so many ways. And please stop telling people that they are so resilient, because whew.

Speaker 1 16:13

Can we be?

Speaker 2 16:14

honest about it. Let's have a little bit. Yes, I don't want to be resilient.

Speaker 1 16:18

Because I'm tired of certain things being said OK, I'm a girlie that just went through rehab. I'm tired of one day at a time, ok, maybe I being said okay, I'm a girly that just went to rehab. I'm tired of one day at a time okay, maybe I need to think 48 hours ahead. I don't know, I maybe that's just not healthy, but everybody telling me one day at a time was not the tea.

Speaker 1 16:34

Everybody told me I'm so resistant and bold because I'm black and I'm walking in starbucks like you don't have a choice. I'm me. You know what I mean. Yeah, that resilient and one day at a time has gotten me together. This summer I learned that I don't have to accept every platitude right Like, yes, of course, one day at a time. Of course I'm a bold, black, beautiful, whatever, walking amongst white people. But at the same time, what's the options? What are the other options? Tell me, in today's age.

Speaker 2 17:04

What's the other options? Tell me, in today's age, what's the bold part?

Speaker 1 17:06

I don't never know Like is bold. Is because I'm here, Is because I crossed the Mason-Dixon line.

Speaker 2 17:11

Where are you going? What is the Shut up?

Speaker 1 17:15

What is the boldness if I'm just sitting here?

Speaker 2 17:17

I'm like from Chicago Well that is resilience.

Speaker 1 17:21

T Listen.

Speaker 2 17:25

I heard the stories.

Speaker 1 17:28

I can either confirm or deny here we go.

Speaker 2 17:32

Don't let me get XD in here don't look.

Speaker 1 17:37

He has this crazy theory that I'm in a gang and I just don't know where.

Speaker 2 17:41

I got that. Don't let me get XD in here because I will. Nothing but a text. I'll have him come in the room.

Speaker 1 17:48

I grew up in the church.

Speaker 2 17:50

You did it.

Speaker 1 17:53

Chicago gets that rep too, like, oh you so strong? Let me tell you something I guess I'm from Chicago, but I grew up in suburbs. Sweetie, I learned how to fight just by fighting, not necessarily because I was in some type of gang warfare. Sometimes you just go in the wrong, you know, bark out the wrong tree Words like resilience and bold I do like. Beautiful, hello. You know I don't like tall, dark and lovely either. There's something about that. I've gotten that a lot here in LA.

Speaker 2 18:26

Are you a boxer perm? Are you a relaxer?

Speaker 1 18:28

Exactly I was like am I dark and lovely? Am I Keisha Cole in front of that box? Stop it, I'm just not built for comedy.

Speaker 2 18:35

Frankie.

Speaker 1 18:37

Yeah, I'll be Frankie, I'll be you know what?

Speaker 2 18:41

Because you know who. That made me think of Iyanla, who should have never had a show.

Speaker 1 18:48

No, that destroyed Black people's mental health.

Speaker 2 18:51

You know, that's not her name.

Speaker 1 18:53

Wasn't it Rhonda or something?

Speaker 2 18:55

Yes, Don't you have a regular name, rhonda?

Speaker 1 18:57

Yes, and she act like a Rhonda.

Speaker 2 19:01

Don't she.

Speaker 1 19:03

Mm-hmm, that's Iyanla Putting people's face in the dirt. You know she was given that name.

Speaker 2 19:09

You know what we getting off. She was given that name by a Nigerian tribe and I said oh, Make it, make sense it made sense, didn't it Right there?

Speaker 1 19:24

I just still am pissed that she never helped the braxton's so until she's too busy hollering. Yeah, it was like you're not giving up oh, speaking of bad therapy, oh, can we just talk speaking of bad therapist?

Navigating Trauma and Community Spaces

Speaker 1 19:36

do you remember dr sherry from the reality shows? Shout out to dr sherry. Dr sherry used to try with everybody and it never worked. So I hear we start giving you real advice. The first episode then, like as they got in further and they messed with the Braxton, she was just like oh girls, just fight at this point, just throw hands. You know, yeah, so shout out to Dr Shearer. That was really random.

Speaker 2 19:58

I'm not giving her a shout out.

Speaker 1 20:02

I'm not doing that I'm not doing that.

Speaker 2 20:04

Here's what happens, you know what I will give a shout out to. The only person I will give a shout out to is Betty Ford, my therapist, because Betty shows up.

Speaker 1 20:13

I love Betty Ford no, it's B-E-T-T-Y-E that's what I'm saying not a historical healer Okay.

Speaker 2 20:21

She's Black.

Speaker 1 20:22

No, that's even better.

Speaker 2 20:25

Shout out to Betty. She gathers me and gets me together. I had therapy this past week after that the failure of America.

Speaker 1 20:38

Is this the time for that? Is this my time to go off? We're in the present yeah, we are in the present we're in the present on the list.

Speaker 2 20:47

the list says past, present, future. We're in the present, um, so in the present, and we're still talking about season one, um, we're talking about trauma, the trauma within. The trauma within is in the present. How I was Season one was magical and honestly, I am so thankful that we did do season one together. I'm so thankful that season one existed. I learned a lot about my guests. I learned a lot about my friends. Literally every episode I went wait, what? I didn't know that about you, what, what?

Speaker 1 21:25

Huh, you think you know about people and then you really get this story.

Speaker 2 21:29

I learned something new about every person.

Speaker 1 21:35

Yeah, even friends that I've known for years.

Speaker 2 21:37

I said tell me more. I think what I truly learned through every episode is how thankful I am that these people trust me and what a gift it is to be in these spaces with everyone, and that, truly, we be going through. We be going through, I be going through, you be going through. Resilience is a word that we find annoying. Healing is a word that people throw around.

Speaker 1 22:12

You know what another word is Journey. Maybe I'm just going through it, but maybe it's not a journey, maybe it's a trip, maybe it's a, you know, a flight. Sure you can say journey to me, if it's not, um, oh dang, I forgot the journey song no, white people all mix up to me. It's not Bruce Priest healing don't stop believing it doesn't journey.

Speaker 2 22:38

Sing that, yeah, and if it's not, don't stop believing.

Speaker 1 22:40

I don't want to hear about believing it. Doesn't Journey, sing that, yeah. And if it's not, don't stop believing it. I don't want to hear about a journey, okay, that was the joke.

Speaker 2 22:43

I was trying to make I hate you.

Speaker 2 22:46

I feel like you know I talk about this in everything that I do. I feel like people put healing on this platform and it annoys me Because I think if the people put it on this platform and people fail at it because it's unrealistic, they're like have you healed? And then they drop their voice to this annoying tone Are you healing? Okay, Okay, Speaking of healing, now that we're here, we're in the present. If I see anybody walk up to me one of those blue bracelets on, Don't even. Don't do it.

Speaker 1 23:21

I don't want to see a blue bracelet. I'm not protesting, I'm not marching. I'm not going to put on your little let's fight back shirts. I'm not doing it Because y'all had your opportunity and we just don't deal with it. We're going to hold each other's hands, but not y'all hands. No, you people with the blue bracelets, no.

Speaker 2 23:41

The trauma within it doesn't include a bracelet. No, it's not a Taylor Swift concert. I just need y'all to know it's not a Taylor Swift concert. And what I also really, I really want let me get close to this mic what I really want you all to understand that I am a mental health provider, but that is not the top of my list. I am a black woman much higher at the top of the list first. And I get get close to get real close, as I am as close to this mic. I am a black woman, higher at the top of the list First. Mental health provider is a lot lower. Okay, I just, I just really, I just really want y'all all to know that the work doesn't stop. It doesn't stop.

Speaker 2 24:35

I saw today that in Iran, they are trying to change the age of marrying to seven or nine. That's crazy. There are so many things that are traumatic that we are going to be having to navigate, so let's get prepared. So if you want to be angry, let's be angry. The trauma doesn't stop and we will be navigating. We don't know what the what, if is, but also community is important right now. So lean into community, whatever that is, if you are a part of the homomos. Lean in to get you some homomo communities.

Speaker 1 25:15

And your community, a community that services you. Because not all homomos are built the same. Not all black people are kin, so choose your child.

Speaker 2 25:26

Because all skin folk is not what.

Speaker 1 25:29

Skin folk.

Speaker 2 25:30

It's not. We didn't all I'm just.

Speaker 1 25:34

Okay, and that's real tea. Especially now we're like looking at the numbers.

Speaker 2 25:38

I'm not going to West Hollywood with you.

Speaker 1 25:39

No, looking at the numbers, I'm not going to West Hollywood with you. No, I'm done.

Speaker 2 25:42

I'm not going to the Abbey because it's dangerous. Can we also have that conversation?

Speaker 1 25:47

Here we did. I'm not going. No, I work at a health center. Please I don't even know if that's a separate conversation, but please stop going to the Abbey, stop going to places that y'all do not trust and that do not have your best interest at heart. If you go to trunks every weekend and you getting sick, there is a reason. Okay, you are not in community with everybody that is around you and everybody does not have your best interest at heart. Okay, I don't know if I'm talking to a seven-year-old or 17-year-old, mind yourself, because the world is not always here to hold your hand. Sometimes the world has got, you know, the knife behind their back.

Speaker 2 26:29

Ill intentions.

Speaker 1 26:31

Ill intentions and a place like Abbey who is and I'm not going to even put it on the establishment as much as I'm going to put it on the culture that's fostered there, the people that are around there, and just all up and down West Hollywood. I used to work at a health center, a community health center. It was like this is a thing. We have to go hand out fentanyl test strips. We are going out in the community and trying to help, but at the same time there's so many people you encounter that aren't even paying attention to their own drinks. They're not paying attention to their own lives. They're in a situation where they're around some real racist people that are trying to hurt them, but because they're drunk, they don't know that this is a situation they're in. So please mind yourself around these community spaces.

Speaker 2 27:17

And even community centers.

Speaker 1 27:19

I just had a situation with a community center where I was not in community, I was not being held to the standard of what I expect. You know gays, lesbians, trans, everybody to have me and it just turned into I need to leave the situation. Do they do great work? Absolutely. Will I be supporting them in the future? Absolutely, but the culture of community was not right.

Speaker 2 27:47

And sometimes that's what you got to watch out for, and so I know we are all over the place, but the focus is still. It still is. The reminder of trauma is all around us and we can experience it in so many spaces. And so I hope that, as you have listened to all of these different episodes and you look at the titles, you get to experience so many different people that you're like, oh, I seen this person and you listen to their story and you're like, oh, I never thought this was a thing, I never experienced this. The reason you see so many different types of people although these are people that I truly care for and experience them.

Speaker 2 28:20

You hear conversations. You never thought you will hear a righteous reg, who maybe you love wrestling, maybe you hear him talk about hip hop, but you will also hear him talk about mental health and being a black man and being someone that likes emo music and wrestling and also talk about mental health. He's like if, if, having feelings and stuff if that's gay, then call me gay Like that's important. You need to hear that, right. Like you hear RJ, you've been watching wrestling, you watch AW, you watch those things. Right, you hear a Sean Ross app.

Speaker 1 28:55

I know all y'all know what a fightful is right, like you, you see these people.

Speaker 2 29:02

And then you see people you've never heard of. Or, if you were into sex ed, you know who a dirty Lola is. Check your HBO, baby. You know, like you see these people, you listen to them, hear other sides of them, you learn from them, and so I'm so thankful. Go ahead.

Speaker 1 29:20

And some of the magic is seeing them differently afterwards. Right, I subscribe to Fightful. Fightful is like my wrestling news I didn't know half that about Sean Ross Sapp right, and to get the journey even, or like the technicalities and even the things that Fightful goes through, that was a really good, like eye-opening moment.

Speaker 1 29:41

I'm like oh, I know, sean Ross, I don't even have to edit this really closely. And it was like no, this is a story, righteous Ridge. I follow him now on Twitter just because what I took from it was I like the wrestling knowledge, I like that side of his brain and so I follow that.

Speaker 1 29:55

Claire, certain people I just think Claire is sickening you, claire. Some people I just think Claire is sickening. You know the red hair and everything. I'm just like, yes, but yeah, looking at them differently afterwards is totally like a good experience, especially people like you know podcasters listening out there, like JNXD and Takiyah those episodes. I've known those people for over 10 years, like I'm practically married to one of them and I still heard things that I didn't never know and we talked about it, we communed with things like that Another word that I want to and that and holding space, but we'll get there in another episode.

Speaker 1 30:31

Oh my gosh. Yeah, like that's all I have to say about that. Like looking at them differently afterwards is a blessing as well.

Speaker 2 30:39

Yeah, and that that is one of the goals that I want to continue doing in the future. I want to continue creating spaces where you can go oh, you know this person, and you walk away like I didn't know none of that. Well, jimenica, hold on now, because I've seen them do 20 interviews and I didn't know none of that yeah, and they still get pieces of you each time they get a little piece of you each interview.

Speaker 1 31:04

That's important.

Speaker 2 31:05

Yeah, and so the future of Trauma, Queen, the trauma within you know 2025. 2025. Blessed be Good Lord.

Speaker 1 31:22

Well, can I say what I want? Or is this like a wish list for the future, if you?

Speaker 2 31:26

want to do a wish list, go ahead.

Speaker 1 31:28

Because I'm ready for us to do some specials we want to make money. Oh, first of all, first and foremost, if anybody is out there.

Speaker 2 31:37

Let's make some wishes Today's 11-11.

Speaker 1 31:40

Oh yeah, I wish that. Can we say wishes out loud?

Speaker 2 31:44

We can today.

Speaker 1 31:46

I wish that in season two we find funding and a platform that will take us far, far into the future.

Speaker 2 31:54

And respects us.

Speaker 1 31:57

And our values and everything else. And the coin is correct. Don't be trying to downsize us just because we little and we you know a minority podcast girl. Pause, pause the positive moment. I used to have a podcast and I tried to sell it to spotify. Long story short I might be generous. But um, yeah, and when I tell they said we don't have any more room for our minority podcast right now, and I was like how did y'all even know, because we were all audio at the time. So I was like y'all just assumed we was black.

Speaker 2 32:32

They said no, nigs.

Speaker 1 32:33

They said we ain't got no more funding for y'all. Okay, this is right before. Like DEI came along. Well, DEI's out, oh she's gone.

Speaker 2 32:43

She only had the four years, I've never heard E-I-D.

Speaker 1 32:47

I've never, don't you people love working? Why would you need?

Speaker 2 32:51

special.

Speaker 1 32:53

You've seen them?

Speaker 2 32:53

text messages Wait, pause, okay, sorry, future, we're coming back to you.

Expansion and Manifesting Blessings

Speaker 1 33:00

That's it Pause can I say something controversial though? When don't you? Because I was like I told Chris the other day, I was like I, hmm, I'm kind of pressed. I didn't get one. You know, sometimes when people be racist they don't include you. You'd be like cause you got the response right, I didn't get one.

Speaker 2 33:20

Cause they just won't find the right one. But my cousins didn't, yeah, and they my therapist daughter got when I said did you, was you ready to Arthur fifth?

Speaker 1 33:30

okay, because to get a text message to say something racist is one thing, but the way that it was formatted to sound like some type of executive order and was like oh, you've been selected to pick cotton. As a former troll, I just don't get blessings like that. You know what I'm saying, because I would have burned a cup of it down, but y'all you know.

Speaker 2 33:59

I didn't get no text messages the way I was getting all those text messages about Kamala. Need my money.

Speaker 1 34:06

She's still texting me. Listen, Silk Press. Sis, I am still hoping you are doing well and you are having your being or your healing or whatever, but stop texting me. We got a whole space for your email. Okay, you have been wanting to ask about your coin, honey, and I had donated already. I gave you the vote. Oh my gosh. One day I got like eight text messages in one day from both.

Speaker 2 34:34

I got one from her.

Speaker 1 34:35

Barack. When Barack texted me, I was like now you didn't use the number from 08. I don't like this. Is this still the 2012 list? Because now you got my number.

Speaker 2 34:47

They are pulling them out, okay.

Speaker 1 34:51

Yeah, and then at the end I was getting them from he who shall not be named. And I was like now y'all just picking numbers off the phone books. I know I ain't putting no numbers on for you.

Speaker 2 35:00

You guys are playing in my face.

Speaker 1 35:02

Yeah, y'all are literally going down yellow pages, if that exists, just like here, oh my gosh.

Speaker 2 35:11

Okay, sorry.

Speaker 1 35:13

Back to our blessings. Back to our blessings.

Speaker 2 35:16

Okay, go ahead. Back to blessings. Go ahead.

Speaker 1 35:18

But yes, that's a big blessing. Funding, because people don't know, this comes out of pocket, this comes out of love.

Speaker 2 35:25

It does come out of pocket.

Speaker 1 35:27

Yeah, and Chris gets paid Like this comes out of pocket, this comes out of love. It does come out of my pocket, yeah, and Chris gets paid. Okay, chris gets paid on time every month. Thank God, I do.

Speaker 2 35:31

I try to pay you early too.

Speaker 1 35:33

She pays early. Oh my gosh. There have been times where she has paid like a few days early when I've had my brokers, and that's when you know, and that's just blessing of people having your back, like it's never been nothing like that. We hope for the future, like we don't gotta worry about that at all, like funding, and the other thing I really want to put out in the the manifesting is another word. This is just gonna be called a word. The words.

Speaker 2 36:01

We hate the episode we can do that listen we gonna revisit that.

Speaker 1 36:06

That's cute. Cute manifesting, though, like is us being on more like specials and being able to service more communities, especially going into like this weird time or whatever we're about to go through, like there's some survivors, voices that need to be heard. There are some people dealing with, like alcoholism and things like that that we could really be touching and using the same trauma within filter to really bring these things to you know, light and actually make I don't know, I don't say make light because I hate we do that too but, like you know, just like, make it palatable so I can understand as a regular, regular person. Um, and traveling, I don't know I want us to do trauma within Japan or something. You know what I mean Recording live from Canada, and if Canadians y'all mad because I just said Canada, take it up with me in Toronto in two weeks at Survivor Series.

Speaker 2 37:02

Why are you trying to do that? Them people don't pay me. You don't pay me. It's not them people don't pay me. You don't pay me. It's not them. They don't pay me. That is not TK.

Speaker 1 37:13

No, no, no, no. Wrong place of business.

Speaker 2 37:18

TK. I don't even know him. You know that's crazy yeah.

Speaker 1 37:24

But all that to be said, yeah, like just expansion is on my mind especially lately, with me having a bunch of free time coded for unemployed. I'm about to be really putting my first foot forward.

Speaker 2 37:42

I have been talking about a specific type of photo shoot slash video project that I really want to do in 2025, inspired by a company that don't pay me. But you know, it's been something you and I have talked about for a while and I think that will be really beautiful for sexual assault survivors. That was the originality of this and that is the backbone of my work and I really want to do that to you. I'm like here you go, Now you got some free time. Go stalk these people, Get in these people's business, Woo them. I love it. Let's get some of these people out here. Maybe they could. You know, let's woo them. Maybe they could find us some coins too, you know.

Speaker 1 38:45

Okay, Hello, the connection hey girl.

Speaker 2 38:48

Hey Gabrielle, hey Gabs and Nim, you and your husband, how are y'all doing?

Speaker 1 38:55

Oh, are you talking about the union?

Speaker 2 38:58

So we could get unioned. You see me, you see how I'm like Aubrey, good girlfriend.

Speaker 1 39:07

Hey, I always was on your side, queen. Okay, Come tell your story.

Speaker 2 39:12

Obbs. You know you and I was just doing Obbs. Can I call you Obbs? Obbs is a thing.

Speaker 1 39:20

I don't know. She seemed like a Brie girl. Okay, brie, brie, brie, even you, brie, a Brie girl.

Speaker 2 39:26

Okay, brie, brie, brie, yes Even you Brie, other Brie with twin.

Speaker 1 39:32

you know you come on, that's an issue.

Speaker 2 39:36

Listen, there's room here at our table and it doesn't have to be red. You see what I did there, oh oh. You see what I did there.

Speaker 1 39:45

Yeah.

Speaker 2 40:03

Listen, you know what else.

Speaker 1 40:03

I would like A live area.

Speaker 2 40:04

You know where someone else funds it. Yes, you know, we're just speaking. I mean, we're speaking into the universe here. That's what else. I would like someone to fund me a live arena space. Um, you know this. I would like to continue expanding and figuring out. I touched it. I apologize. Uh, I'm so sorry. Um, you know I'm I'm excited to see what this brings us. I am thankful to this space. This has really helped me to get out of my head back into my heart and feel grounded, and I do think that this has allowed me to get out of some of my grief, because that grief was really holding your girl down. Okay, she was down and out, and so I think it has allowed me to go to where I'm about to go in these next 10 days, which is to be left the fuck alone.

Speaker 1 40:56

You said before we started recording you just want people to stop talking to you and I just feel that in my chandelier. I just want 10 days where nobody speaks to me.

Speaker 2 41:05

Yeah, I mean, that is my job. Well, I'm about to go tomorrow on a plane and go help some more people, but also, I love what I do, like I really do. I love what I do. I am so thankful to go and travel. I love working with wrestlers. It is so cool to me Like my friends are like I'm gonna say the word you hate. My friends are like you manifested the shit out of this job. I did I. I. I manifested, but no, I worked my ass off to be here.

Speaker 1 41:38

Right, okay.

Speaker 2 41:40

I've been in school for a very long time.

Speaker 2 41:43

I didn't just wake up one day and was like here's this job. No, I worked my ass off long time. I didn't just wake up one day and was like here's this job. No, I worked my ass off. I've worked many hours running mental health facilities with teenagers getting cussed out, chasing children, helping children, saving lives. Okay, I don't know about you. I know you people don't understand, but I've had children try to kill themselves in my arms and do all these things that you will all never understand and I hope you never have to. I have taken tests, literal tests. I have medical books behind me for alternative medicine. I've grinded and done all the things and I get to travel and sit with these people that I've seen on television. And now I'm sorry if y'all hear this y'all so boring, y'all so regular and I love that. I love that I'm in the back and we all regular. I'm like, look at y'all little gym. I'm like y'all so nerdy, come on, come on.

Speaker 2 42:35

Let's go talk Y'all so cute. Come on, get your glasses, come on.

Speaker 1 42:41

And I love that.

Speaker 2 42:42

Come on, I love that and I think that is a gift that these individuals. It took a while, it took me some time, but they trust me to hold this space for them and the energy and their secrets and that is a gift. But I'm also thankful that somebody is giving me their space to go and nobody could talk to me. And I'm going to go meditate and do this training because I'm still going to learn for threat assessment Because, as we said, this future we don't know what it's about to look like. It's going to have some more trauma in it because it's outside. Yeah, what do you want in your future for yourself?

Speaker 1 43:22

I honestly want a three piece from Pope Popeye's Ooh spicy. My system is so weak I can't handle no spicy Quitter, but like for like life goals and things. I'm about to be on a new journey, a completely new journey, because I quit my job last Friday. Because I quit my job last Friday. So you know, we're about to explore being a creative full time, which is terrifying. What kind of creative. Do we know yet, With clothes on, hopefully, and just you know, off my mirror. Well, like half on.

Speaker 2 44:06

Is that what we just I was like, do you know? Yet Are we still navigating?

Speaker 1 44:08

I actually don't know, I think I'm about to move into the personal trainer space. Oh, okay, yeah, I think I'm going to go full fitness, just because it's fun being a thirst trap or whatever, but that seems draining. It is.

Speaker 2 44:25

Let's be honest.

Speaker 1 44:30

It seems draining, sis, and it seems draining. Let me tell you something about thirst trappers. Okay, it is so much work to sit there and take pictures of yourself and you think that is like not a thing. But imagine me having to wake up and choose like the underwear I put on the skin I have on, like the I I have to shave. I don't like it.

Speaker 2 44:48

You gotta hit angle.

Speaker 1 44:49

I'm judging myself all day.

Reconnecting and Rebuilding in 2025

Speaker 1 44:52

Oh, because y'all think there's something. Anyway, because it's very effective. I just look really good in underwear, you know. But yeah, thirst trapping is cute, but I think I want to go more into the fitness. I've been going into bodybuilding on my own body lately and just the switch from like oh, I work out and do whatever to like no, she's up eating broccoli and chicken and working out three, four times a day. I bought a curl bar and I bought my own weights. This is ridiculous. Where is it at? Why is this five feet for me at all times. I've become a gym gym nigga. I mean, I've just become a gym gym guy. You go edit that out, because I don't know Anyway.

Speaker 1 45:46

I'm a gym gym guy now and I saw I think personal training in 2025 you're gonna do like a certification program instead yeah, I want to be legit, I want to do um some nutrition classes it won't be at the. It'll probably be second half of 2025, first half, I'm gonna, you know. Return to me and figure out what that means. Like yeah, also like this oh, you just wanted to flex on the camera. You're disgusting. Return to me and figure out what that means.

Speaker 2 46:09

Also this you just wanted to flex on the camera. You're disgusting, you're disgusting, you're annoying.

Speaker 1 46:16

This is gross.

Speaker 2 46:19

Gem knows.

Speaker 1 46:19

I'm the biggest troll Gross. What do you want for your future?

Speaker 2 46:25

Peace and quiet. No, you know what? I am currently in my own space of relearning me. This is the first time in a very long time which my therapist reminded me that I am unattached from anyone from anyone, and I haven't been single and unattached since 2018.

Speaker 2 47:03

Oh, yeah, you're about to rediscover you, sweetie, and, like you know, it's been like even like smaller things but, there's always somebody that's trying to be attached to this kind of blessing honey, um, and right now I'm I am completely unattached, and so and I'm also practicing sobriety right now, including I am including cannabis.

Speaker 1 47:25

Not me, but yes.

Speaker 2 47:29

You went to go high five, I was ready to give it.

Speaker 1 47:34

I support that yeah.

Speaker 2 47:37

Yeah, so I am practicing full sobriety and cleansing everything and so it is a full cleansing body thing and it is very interesting. But also because, for myself, when James Eborn left us, she dove deep and she was a dabber as a you know, deep dabs I was, you know, and still functioning is, you know, because she is an intelligent girl, you know black and brilliant let's use that word Brilliant Capital B.

Speaker 1 48:15

Yeah, start using other words.

Speaker 2 48:16

Brilliant is cute, thank you, and so she thrives, brilliant, all the things, but it was dabbing, so, you know, coming out of all of that it is, you know, learning, evolving and expanding and getting back to me, and so I am relearning parts of myself and sitting and it is a thing. So that is where I'm at, in relearning the things and reconnecting and learning who Jimenica is. So y'all thought she was a bitch before honey.

Speaker 1 48:53

Buckle up. That's how I feel about 2025. It's like, once I get this little time, to like rest.

Speaker 2 48:58

Oh, and I'm about to get my booty back. Okay, because I haven't been in the gym in a minute. Okay, because she was going and so I have dropped weight and I, so I'm, I'm dropping a little weight and then I'm about to get my my muscle back. I just want y'all to know you're not be able to, y'all not going to be able to, take me and Chris.

Speaker 1 49:19

Let me tell you something.

Speaker 2 49:20

Y'all are going to be so sick of us.

Speaker 1 49:23

Y'all going to hate us 2025 summer.

Speaker 2 49:26

Let me tell you something.

Speaker 1 49:30

Personal note I wore a thong to the gym the other day because I was feeling all the time.

Speaker 2 49:33

Did you hear Chris talk about this damn thong it?

Speaker 1 49:37

was so liberating. I see why the dogs do it. Listen, wear your thong, wear your jock, whatever makes you feel comfortable. Don't leave it in the locker room because that's nasty, especially at LA Fitness on sunset. But other than that, just make sure I know there's a queen that listens to this. I hope they do, the confidence that's about to come with it. Just a little rest and reset. That's all I need is a little rest and reset. Nobody talked to me for 10 days.

Speaker 2 50:07

Yeah, I'm excited.

Speaker 1 50:09

I asked you so much when you said that I cannot wait. Let's get you to that.

Speaker 2 50:14

I know Everyone's like, so when are you leaving? Who are you?

Speaker 1 50:17

I just want to hear the stories when you come back. It was just silence. It was so good.

Speaker 2 50:22

Yeah, people are like, oh, you're going to go explore and I said, no, I'll probably go get some massages, maybe go to sit, be left alone, and if there's an emergency, I know there's people if I need it. But you can call if there's an emergency, but besides that, don't talk to me, yeah, me either, and I'm going to be at the house.

Speaker 1 50:46

Don't call, don't text me. I'm gonna be at the house the next 10 days. Don't call me, don't call me oh, we did it.

Speaker 2 50:55

Yeah, we did it. So thank y'all for listening. Now you know who's behind the scene over here. And season 2 we'll see y'all in 2025. We're gonna have some guests. We're gonna have some guests. It's gonna be magical. And season two We'll see y'all in 2025. We're going to have some guests. We're going to have some guests. It's going to be magical. It's going to be some people you know and it's going to be some people you've never heard of, and that's okay, and it's still going to be some trauma within. It's going to be stories and journeys and I'm excited and we're going to have projects.

Speaker 1 51:27

Yes, we're going to be working 2025.

Speaker 2 51:30

When are we?

Speaker 1 51:31

not Okay, that's what I was going to say. We both keep 12. We're laughing to keep from crying.

Speaker 2 51:40

Okay, bye y'all. Until next time, bye y'all.