Banned But Brilliant

 Have you ever been thrown out of somewhere fancy? Probably not as spectacularly as our four hapless golf buddies managed at the prestigious Briarcrest Country Club.

After unexpectedly winning a golf tournament and gaining minor viral fame, Lyndon, Allen, Nate, and Shane receive a coveted invitation to play at the most exclusive club in the state. What follows is a masterclass in how to get permanently banned from a golf course in under four hours. 

Transcript

Introduction to Audio Memoir

Speaker 1 0:00

Here for the memories thought-provoking audio memoir shorts filled with stories , humor , anecdotes and commentary on social , cultural , business and religious issues . Whatever Lyndon remembers and thinks will entertain , challenge and inform is a possible subject . The collection of memories about one's life allows for the development and refinement of a sense of self , including who one is , how one has changed and what one might be like in the future .

Speaker 2 0:35

Greetings and salutations . This is Lyndon Wool and you've had the good fortune of finding my audio memoir , not a podcast , an audio memoir , I remind you . It's about my life . It's something to leave behind as a legacy , if you will , for the few that know and love me , so that when I leave this planet there is something they can refer to about my thoughts , my stories , a lot of stories , many of which are true and just social commentary , religious issues , excerpts from my life . If you will , glad you joined , maybe you'll be one of those that fall in love with me and know me better , because you've listened a little bit to me . If not , maybe you'll just be entertained and informed . Informed .

Speaker 2 1:22

We have been following the misadventures of the four stooges of golf , and it would be Linden , great name , nate Allen and Shane . They are fresh off their miraculous tournament win , almost an inadvertent

The Ban at Briarcrest Story Begins

Speaker 2 1:40

win . So now , as the story continues , I'm going to call this the ban at Briarcrest . How four morons that's not nice imbeciles , idiots . How four stooges got banned from the nicest golf club in the state in under four hours Impressive . Well , they won this golf tournament and they found themselves the unexpected darlings of the local golf scene . Their tiktok had gone viral . Their story was in a small golf magazine under human interest slash , mild accidents . And then it happened an invitation to briarcrest country club . The email was crisp , formal and way too fancy to be addressed to men who have lost their driver in the pond twice in the same round . The email read We'd be honored to host you for a complimentary round at our private club . Dress code strictly enforced , please refrain from outside food , beverages or wildlife anecdote . And they were in .

Speaker 2 2:49

So they arrived at Briarcrest and the disappointment begins . Not because Briarcrest wasn't beautiful , it was the kind of place that smelled like money , generational wealth , pine , more money , more generational wealth , pine and more money . The valet wore white gloves . The locker room even had cologne options . Wow , the bathroom had soothing jazz and towel attendants who silently judged your posture .

Speaker 2 3:24

Alan showed up in a tucked-in polo and slacks very reasonable , because he's a reasonable man . Nate wore an untucked Hawaiian print shirt with flamingos swinging golf clubs . Shane wore white pants and immediately sat in a puddle on the way in . Lyndon wore a shirt that said let's par-tee , that's P-A-R-T-E-E and Crocs with golf tees jammed into the holes for traction , he said . The starter blinked twice and asked gentlemen , are you with someone ? We're guests , lyndon said , proudly high-fiving a head

Goose Incident at Hole Five

Speaker 2 4:00

sculpture , and off to the first hole . Allen hit the fairway . Of course shane did . Okay , that's typical . Nate sliced hard , and of course nate always slices hard . And I'm sure deep into the woods . And linden took two warm-up swings , then whiffed on the first attempt , loudly and dramatically . He said breakfast ball . The caddy raised an eyebrow . We don't have that rule here . We play continental rules , linden said , and the caddy quit on the spot .

Speaker 2 4:35

Hole five another goose incident . Shane , attempting to correct for his usual fade , overcorrected and hit a draw that landed directly next to a very snooty-looking goose . Briarwood would only have snooty-looking goose , don't you think ? Or is it Briarcrest ? Whatever , it's a snooty golf course . So there is this goose , probably the mayor of the course's wildlife . But nonetheless , instead of fleeing , the goose waddled toward them slowly and menacingly . Not again , alan muttered , backing away . Nate stepped forward relax , I took a seminar on animal energy , you just have to . And the goose lunged . Nate screamed and dove behind a bunker . Linden threw a protein bar as a distraction and Shane of course tried to reason with it . Somehow they all ended up in the sand trap covered in feathers . And shame , shame , shamefulness . The marshal was called Strike one .

Speaker 2 5:39

Hole nine

Champagne Problems and Cart Jousting

Speaker 2 5:40

brought about drinking problems , or at least champagne problems , as Nate pulled out a bottle from his golf bag . What's that , alan asked . Victory juice , he said you can't bring your own drinks , it's sparkling water , it's fancy . And he popped it open and it exploded like a Fourth of July firework , soaking a member's white linen pants on the next teabox . Strike two , as you would imagine , on to hole 13 , where there was a pond and some wet pants and some problems which seemed to follow them , or they find them either way . Lyndon , chasing a wayward ball , slipped and fell halfway into a decorative koi pond . Rather than getting out with dignity , he leaned into it . It cradled a koi and whispered I am now one of you . The head groundskeeper fainted and that was strike three .

Speaker 2 6:38

But there was one more final straw the jousting with golf carts . While waiting on the last tee box , nate and Shane found pool noodles in the staff cart . Naturally , they began , as anyone would , jousting with them while driving slowly in circles , giggling like toddlers on Expresso . Alan , you're going to get us Boom . And it happened . They sideswiped a statue of Briarcrest founder Colonel Montgomery Chip Braxton III . Isn't that sophisticated ? Who was reportedly so wealthy ? He once bought a mountain because it blocked the sunset . The statue lost its bronze golf club arm .

Speaker 2 7:21

The GM was already waiting at the 18th degree with a clipboard and a look that could curdle milk , gentlemen . The GM said we're going to have to ask you to never , ever come back , even for brunch . Shane asked hopefully no . What about if we're really quiet and pretend to be ghosts ? Nate added Still no . Alan just nodded . Honestly , I'm shocked it took this long .

Speaker 2 7:48

Though banned from Briarcrest , the boys wore it as a badge of honor . They had hats made that said banned but brilliant , and started a YouTube series entitled Golfing , where we're Not Wanted . Linden kept a framed photo of the koi . Nate still claims the goose saluted him as he ran . Allen submitted an apology letter with footnotes . Shane printed off their original banned letter on a t-shirt and they all agreed Next week mini-call , because how much trouble could they possibly get into ? And they all agreed Next week mini-call , because how much

Banned but Brilliant Aftermath

Speaker 2 8:20

trouble could they possibly get into at a place with windmills ? The story will continue .

Speaker 2 8:26

This is Lyndon Wolfe and my audio memoir . Here for the Memories . I'm glad you joined and I would also be glad if you had memories like these , silly memories , memories where you made poor decisions and at one point you regretted those decisions and maybe still do . But now , with that regret , is laughter as you look back on your own misadventures . And now you giggle . The embarrassment is not what it was . And you tell the stories and people laugh at you and with you as you chuckle on the inside , knowing life is funny and life is made of stories . God bless .

Speaker 1 9:10

Hello friends , If you appreciate the content and what it takes to create and deliver it , please consider a small contribution . Just go to buymeacoffeecom slash here for the memories . That's buymeacoffeecom slash here for the memories . Much appreciated Woo .