ADHD and the 60-Year Itch!

In this episode, we welcome Ben Roberts, who shares his transformative journey of being diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 60. 

Ben offers his insights into the challenges and revelations of living undiagnosed for decades, along with the strategies that have helped him thrive post-diagnosis.

His story is a powerful reminder that it's never too late to understand yourself and embrace change.

Transcript

00:00
If you're old enough to remember when phones had cords and the only thing that went viral was a cold, then you're in the right place. Welcome to the Big Six-O with Kaylee Harris and Guy Rowlison. Because who better to discuss life's second act than two people who still think mature is a type of cheese?

00:36
Welcome to the Big 6.0 podcast this week. My name is Kayleigh and co-hosting the show with me each week is my friend, Guy Rolison, who I first met in primary school around 50 years ago. Guy, I can't believe I'm saying that 50 years ago. Guy, welcome. Thanks, Kayleigh. 50 years, gosh. I mean, that's half the world's current population has been born since then. Oh, no. That's right. Now we've had an amazing range of guests on the podcast so far from 70s pop stars to

01:05
movie experts, adventurer Michelle Lee was on, newsreader Tim Webster and a stack of other really fascinating people. This week we wanted to turn the podcast over to equally fascinating people who aren't necessarily celebrities or experts in their field, ordinary people who have extraordinary stories to tell and that I reckon is all of us. Now like Guy I've known our next guest for a long time, about 30 years.

01:33
Ben Roberts and I started working together at a radio station in Sydney, I think around 1990, but he'll correct me if that's wrong. There was a group of us who worked there who loved to go out and party and stuff like that, obviously before we all had kids. And I remember one night we went out dressed up as the cast from the Thunderbirds to a special screening of the show at a theater in Sydney. Welcome Ben, and do you remember that night? Oh, how could I ever forget it?

02:02
especially seeing as I made all the costumes. Yes, you did. Yeah, yeah. Which Thunderbird were you? I don't know, everybody wanted to be Virgil and it just wasn't possible, you know, like within the cast and also, I mean, Carly made the uniforms that covered the actual pilots. So, you know, Tintin missed out, you know, nobody was brains, I don't think. Yeah, it was a bit lopsided from that.

02:31
But everybody knew who we were. They certainly did. Now, Ben, you reached out to us a few weeks ago about coming onto the podcast and talking about your unique story. And it's a diagnosis that you received later on in life. What was that diagnosis and when did you get it? It was around 60 and I was diagnosed as having ADHD. Okay, so I guess the first question, how did that make you feel?

03:02
Did it answer a lot of your questions or were you shocked? Were you, how did you feel? Yeah, it was mixed feelings at the time. I really, for my part, I, it's difficult to observe yourself from outside. You do have, everybody's got their personality quirks and they've got their, you know, particular person, you know, persona and habits and so forth. But what I'll probably

03:32
knew about myself was that a lot of the things I did I personally found quite frustrating and it wasn't something that I could internally analyse. I noticed things, I noticed patterns happening but I just didn't seem to be able to do anything about them and getting the ADHD diagnosis was a relief in a lot of ways because I suddenly had

04:00
some answers. I suddenly had some way of analyzing how I behave and the things that I do and it's not being a mystery. Yeah because as kids Ben, I mean there were a lot of things that weren't on our parents radar or our radar and it may have been you know, Kaylee's always an active participant in class discussions or Guy could channel his enthusiasm into his tasks and could achieve a whole lot more.

04:29
What were the signs that now present themselves that you wouldn't have been aware of back in the day, but it all makes sense now? I guess one of the things that was very consistent was the school reports. And they always went along the lines of, Ben is a very intelligent young man, but he could try harder. He could concentrate more. These kind of issues kept coming up.

05:00
You know, my mother was not an unintelligent person. She was, she was actually a comedy writer and she discovered that I was getting these consistent reports, which were seeming to say, I mean, to her, it was, it was saying there's something wrong. And she did actually take me to get assessed by some sort of professional. I don't know who they were or, you know, what the letters behind their names were.

05:30
And I remember doing these tests with them and so forth. But the outcome of that seemed to be deadly squat. And actually, I've heard this from other people now because, you know, now have, you know, sort of an ADHD community. But I've heard from other people that, you know, that band of time or that era of time was just that was this sort of moment in time where

05:58
I think the condition was starting to be recognised, but not fully understood. I don't know that it even had a name then. So people my age, you know, missed out on getting any kind of treatment if there was indeed any available, simply because we just, we didn't fit into a category. I think that we all knew, as Guy said, we all knew kids at school who are

06:26
sit still who were very very active. Was that what your early education was like? How how what was what was a young Ben Roberts like in primary school and high school? Um well in primary school I I was good at some things and definitely not good at others. Um you know I loved creative writing for example. Um I loved art. I've really I struggled with

06:56
and that kind of became my you know my ogre in in primary school that just dogged me you know the whole way through and sort of ignominy that went with not being able to keep up even a bit really with with mathematics it caused all sorts of you know

07:26
What would happen is that where a kid's not keeping up, that'll often turn into like a behavior problem. So, you know, I became a bit of a class clown and my, you know, sort of primary goal was to make people laugh. Once I'd sort of established myself as being a bit of a disturbing influence, you know, sometimes I got moved around the classroom, but then I'd just get to work on the next table full of kids.

07:55
and see if I could get them to laugh. So that carried through to high school as well. So you sort of took this persona of being the class clown or whatever. What was your own self-perception of, you know, your life and your place as far as why is this happening? Why, you know, was there a self-perception? No, not really, no.

08:24
It made me happy to make people laugh. I didn't think there was anything wrong with it. Obviously the teachers did. And I guess to a certain extent, I was in a situation where they say misery loves company. So maybe ADHD likes the company of other distracted kids might be the situation. Moving on to you, you talked about tertiary education. When you left high school, did you feel as though your options were limited in terms of career because of the issues you were having?

08:54
Yeah, definitely. A lot of people have said to me, Oh, you're smart. Why didn't you go to university? And inside me, I knew that I wouldn't be able to do it. I knew I wouldn't be able to do work the way it's supposed to be done, which is largely unsupervised, if you like. ADHD people work better with being managed and having deadlines.

09:22
So if you take both those things away, we tend to drift and we certainly don't do what we're supposed to do when we're supposed to do it. You know, if I had to study for something, it'd be like, yeah, you know, I mean, I could study for it today, but I could do it tomorrow as well. And yeah, I'll do that. So you just keep putting it off. What would generally happen if I had to study for an exam or something like that is that I'd have to

09:52
I would end up cramming at the last minute. And I mean, I did go to TAFE and I did do a trade course and I did Electronic Engineering, it was supposed to be, but the Electronic Engineering course brought me to my limit as far as how I could perform in an education environment. And I've learnt since that that's quite common with ADHD.

10:20
you can perform well in primary school, you can go okay in high school because you're still being managed, but then in tertiary education environment, particularly university, the expression was used you will pancake and I knew before I even tried that that would probably be the outcome if I'd gone to university. So as far as getting my first job, my

10:49
uncle had a contact with a radio station in Wollongong and so I got offered a couple of weeks work experience at the radio station and I ended up getting on really well with the chief engineer. I mean that started me off in something and the way the sort of economy was at the time and the way the employment situation was in Wollongong at the time I thought well

11:18
This is the best bet I've got so I grabbed it with both hands and I actually signed up for my TAFE course before they even offered me a traineeship. So I guess I'm not sure how limited my options would have been had I not had that opportunity. If I'd had to go out into the big bad world with my HSC score, I probably would have got a lot more laughs.

11:47
It was nothing to write home about. This episode of The Big Six-O brought to you by Louis Carr Real Estate, helping people in the Hills District find their dream home since 1992. Ready to buy, sell or rent? Check out louiscarr.com.au for all your property needs. You talked before about your mum and how you thought in school she knew something was up. Let's move ahead now to when you get to your teenage years and your early 20s and stuff like that.

12:17
this impact on your relationships when you look at it now and with the benefit of hindsight? Um yeah it's I was thinking about it earlier on today and and I think I've always called myself a late bloomer because you know I never really had a girlfriend till I was I think in my early 20s and I think one of the reasons for that is because I don't read people

12:46
very well. I don't particularly females. I don't, you know, like if you're expecting flowers on Valentine's day, you know, expect to be disappointed. If you're expecting me to make you lunch, then expect to be disappointed. Was that because you just didn't think of it? Or why, why was that? Oh, yeah, this is the problem. Didn't think of it, didn't care, didn't like the girl that much. No, I think it's, I think it's like, it's one of the effects of

13:16
this type of neurodivergence where if I was thinking about lunch for example I might just think I'm hungry I need to eat something I'm gonna make some lunch. The fact that somebody else was there didn't really come into the equation. You tend to go down this this narrow focus route and you know it's not till somebody comes along and says oh did you make me a sandwich and it just goes oh no I didn't and up to that point

13:45
never occurred to me. So from a relationship perspective I'd have to really try if I was gonna if I was gonna pull off anything romantic you know I'd have to really plan ahead and what would be a real killer for me is if it didn't if it didn't work out because then that would probably you know sort of put me off doing it again. So just having a look at your situation as a husband and

14:14
What prompted you to decide, I might go and get something diagnosed later in life. And like, how do you feel when you receive sort of that validation that, oh, hang on, there is actually a reason behind all this. Oh, yeah. It's, I've got to say when, when I got the, the assessment, it hit me as a, as a wave of, of, of depression, but it was over pretty quick.

14:40
you know it was like getting getting dumped down at the beach by a wave and you know I sort of got ducked under the water and then I came up again and it didn't last long that feeling of if only I'd known because if I looked back at how my life had been first of all I wouldn't have known where to go or what to do or if there even was such a thing second of all

15:10
I hadn't really put together any of the pieces to say I need to get an assessment. In fact I owe it all to my wife that she said to me, oh there's this really good episode of insight on SBS about adult ADHD. You know I think you might get something out of it. And I sat down and watched it and it was like meeting my tribe.

15:38
You know, he was all these people with the same problems that I have had and the same inability to plan things, inability to deal with money, inability to be normal. I think there's a lot of talk around about how many kids these days are being diagnosed with ADHD and the concern that the children are maybe being put on drugs like Ritalin.

16:06
too quickly and there seems to be a whole stack of kids out there now taking that drug. Whereas you have got to this stage in your life to 60 and you seem to have been okay through your life without taking those drugs. Are you on medication now Ben? Yeah, yeah I'm taking Rilin now and you know once again the effect is difficult to put into words but

16:33
What I noticed with the medication was that it allowed me to be more present. With no medication, I can be in the room, but not present quite easily. And that happened a lot. And looking back on it, that happened with my kids. I could be in the room with my kids and not present at all. Because the one thing I've noticed that the Ritalin does for me.

17:01
is it really calms down the inner monologue. So instead of having this continuous thought process I've suddenly went, oh it's not there. And it's difficult I think for people outside of my brain you know nobody can see that that's what was going on before now it's not going on but it makes a profound difference to

17:31
your state of being that you haven't got this continuous pointless thought process going on which is constantly talking to you. So that's probably the biggest effect of basically taking speed. Did you, Ben, have a perception prior to the diagnosis of what you thought ADHD was? And has your understanding of that changed since then? Oh yeah, massively.

18:01
you know I remember I remember meeting this guy once who was just obnoxious in the extreme he was he was you know unpleasant always agitated always seemed like he was spoiling for a fight and I thought to myself you know what this is an ADHD kid growing up and in addition to that I as well as many other people

18:30
had this perception that ADHD is a kid thing. And when I went to do my assessment, I had to sit in a little office with, you know, little pictures of Hello Kitty on the wall and stuff like that. I was sitting at a little kitty desk doing my assessment because the psychologist's room was set up for assessing children. So, yeah, it made a very big difference to...

18:57
my perception of ADHD as a condition and well to find out that I had it when I thought that prior to that ADHD was for out of control lunatic kids you know that were climbing up the walls and throwing stuff out the windows yeah it was yes I've got a much more tolerant view of ADHD people now.

19:22
Just finally, Ben, before we wrap it up, you talked in the very beginning about finding and discovering an ADHD community. Are you part of some sort of support group or, or what does that community mean to you or what does it look like? Um, yeah, I've, I've participated in like an online, um, community. I don't do it regularly. I, I, I did just after the assessment. Strangely enough also.

19:50
There's a car forum that I've been a member of for many, many years. And a thread got started on that, um, about ADHD, because one of the members also got assessed late in life and, and, uh, was, uh, diagnosed. That turned out to be, you know, quite a good experience, uh, because it actually brought more members out of, out of the closet, if you like, and we had a good.

20:20
discussion we had a good exchange of ideas and experiences which you know I definitely think it's enormously helpful after you've been diagnosed to realise that you're not on your own. One thing I want to know is do you have an ADHD superpower, whether that's creative thinking, hyper focus or perhaps turning anything into a drumstick during a business meeting or whatever. Yeah I think well the hyper focus.

20:49
I would say is the, you know, that's the superpower if there is one. The downside to that, and in some respects I've always said, you know, if I'd been autistic, you know, then I might be able to, you know, play the piano like Mozart or something like that, where I've actually never been able to learn a musical instrument because I just won't practice and I just won't stick to it. And hyperfocus is the superpower.

21:17
it's got a downside which is that when that thing that you're hyper focusing on loses novelty, it's just a throwaway, you just don't go back to it and it's, you know, to a certain extent I've sort of thought that ADHD is a bit of a booby prize when it comes to superpowers, but by the same token what I find is that hyper focusing

21:46
if I can hyper-focus on something long enough to finish it, I can probably do it faster than somebody else can. So, it's something that, yeah, I'd say, if you get diagnosed earlier than I did, and you can avoid forming habits, forming the kind of habits that I've formed, then there's probably a better chance of you using it as a superpower. Yeah, look.

22:15
Ben, I appreciate your time. Both Kayleigh and I probably didn't have the insights that you've been able to afford, let alone everyone that's listening at the moment. And it probably gives us a much clearer picture as to why people like some of us probably could have achieved a whole lot more at school if we hadn't have been that class clown or if we just had have got that report card that resonated with maybe our parents that, you know, didn't quite understand what it meant by saying if you directed your focus, you could

22:45
achieve a whole lot more. So thank you for not only your time, but as I say, your insights into something that's just something that's becoming part and parcel of what we do today, that you know, the stories we hear and the people that we come across because it gives us, you know, more empathy as to why, you know, why we're all on that spectrum. And that spectrum is huge, isn't it? Because without us all being somewhere, it's not a spectrum.

23:11
Well, indeed, yes. You know, some of us are in a different spot to others. But I hope that, you know, what I've been able to pass on here in the podcast, if somebody hears it and they think that, you know, that might be them or it's their child, and they recognise some of these outcomes and characteristics, that they might consider getting themselves or somebody close to them.

23:40
an assessment. Ben Roberts, thank you so much for your time. No worries. The views and opinions expressed on the Big Six O are personal and reflect those of the hosts and guests. They do not represent the views or positions of any affiliated organisations or companies. This podcast is intended for informational and entertainment purposes only and should not be construed as professional advice. Please consult with a qualified professional for guidance on any personal matters. Ah, and before we go.

24:09
let's give credit where credit is due. Kaylee Harris and I came up with all the genius content for this week's episode. Our producer, Nick Abood, well he keeps the lights on and makes sure we don't accidentally upload a cat video instead of a podcast. So thanks for keeping us on track, Nick. Nick?