Your Next Clear Move
Welcome to Your Next Clear Move™—the podcast for leaders, professionals, and high-capacity humans who are done “getting ready” and ready to move.
I’m Debbie Peterson, Leadership Readiness Expert, and in each episode I deliver grounded insight, clarity-driven mindset strategies, and one actionable step to help you stop the drift and lead yourself forward.
This isn’t about fixing what’s broken. It’s about reconnecting to what matters—and making decisions that align with who you are and how you want to lead next.
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Your Next Clear Move
The Weight of “Should” in Leadership
The simple word "should" might be quietly sabotaging your leadership effectiveness. This eye-opening episode dives into how the language of obligation creates unnecessary pressure that keeps us playing small and mimicking leadership styles that don't authentically reflect who we are.
Discover why "should" is classified as a "modal operator of necessity" in NLP and how this seemingly innocent word closes doors to possibility while locking us into the belief that there's only one path forward. For women leaders especially, the burden of "should" often manifests as pressure to be someone else entirely—an exhausting endeavor that drains the energy needed for true leadership impact.
The transformative power comes in shifting from "should" to phrases like "want to" or "get to." This linguistic reframing isn't merely semantic—it fundamentally changes how we experience leadership and opens doorways to creativity and authentic expression. I share my Clarity Compass tool, a practical framework for exploring your leadership purpose, vision, relationships, and action plan. By working through each direction of the compass (north for why, east for what, south for who, and west for how), you'll gain clarity on the leader you're becoming and what "shoulds" you can release.
Ready to drop the weight of obligation? Try this simple exercise: take 10 minutes to notice every time you think or say "I should," then reframe each statement with "I choose to" or "I want to." Feel the difference in your body and mind as you transform pressure into possibility. This shift can revolutionize not just how you lead, but how you live. Visit debbiepetersongspeaks.com for more resources to help you and your team take your next clear move toward authentic, empowered leadership.
Hey, hello and welcome back. I am Debbie Peterson of Getting to Clarity, and this is another episode of the Getting to Clarity podcast. This is where you come to determine your next clear move in your career, your leadership, your business, perhaps even your, and today we're talking about should. I recently read a book about how should places so much of a burden on us, and I thought it was really applicable in leadership, so I wanted to do an episode on it. So we'll get into that next. Make sure that you stay tuned.
Speaker 3:Welcome to the Getting to Clarity podcast the place where busy leaders discover how to create more success in their leadership journey with less sacrifice in their life.
Speaker 2:Here's your host, debbie Peterson, of Getting to Clarity.
Speaker 1:All right, we are talking about the weight of should in leadership, and you know what? Just to be perfectly honest, I still wrestle with shoulds. They've just changed over the years. You know, it can be a hard habit to break, and for me it almost happens in layers. For instance, I get by one set of shoulds, and as I go for a next level something I've never done I encounter more.
Speaker 1:So, early in my career, my shoulds sounded like this follow the rules, do what others say, wait your turn, don't rock the boat, and I thought that that was the only way forward, but the truth is those shoulds they just kept me small. I gave more credit to other people's voices than I even gave to my own, and I thought someone else had the power to decide when I would be allowed to move forward, and that is just not the case. So what I didn't realize at the time, though, is that I already had what I needed to step into leadership and to make the impact that I wanted to. So when I started training in NLP a number of years ago, I learned that should is what's called a modal operator of necessity, which simply means that, internally, the words that you speak to yourself are things like should, must, have to or need to, and what those words do is they create a sense of pressure and obligation. When we use words like that, these words create weight on our shoulders, they close doors and they lock us into the belief that there's only one way to succeed. But the moment that you release a should, it feels like permission. It's no longer I should and it becomes what could happen if I tried. And that shift it really opens up the door to possibility. So in your leadership, should show up everywhere.
Speaker 1:Leaders tell themselves they should act in a certain way, communicate in a certain way, you know, mimic someone that they know, or a leadership style that really isn't theirs, and especially women in leadership, for example. A lot of times they feel that they need to be someone other than who they are to be taken seriously. So the result is that they spend an enormous amount of energy trying to be someone that they're not, and that is, frankly, exhausting. So readiness is about moving from should to want to or get to. These are very different phrases and they feel different. Should closes the door, readiness opens the door.
Speaker 1:Now shoulds can also show up in how we lead others, because do you ever catch yourself telling your direct reports what they should do instead of inviting them to explore different options? You know, when we place our shoulds on others, it can feel like pressure to them, it limits their creativity, it shuts down initiative. So a more powerful approach, especially when dealing with others, is to ask questions that help them to notice when they are let's just be frank shooting themselves right and encourage them to reframe it into what they want to do or what they get to do, and that simple shift, those words. They build an awareness for you, for your team, across the team, that helps to create a culture of choice and possibility, which is a much better place to be. So if you're noticing too many shoulds in your own head, don't despair, because the first step is actually awareness. It's very simple Awareness. Pay attention to when you are shooting yourself, and that awareness alone is powerful because it takes what's been running in the background in your head and it brings it into your awareness. It brings it into the light, so to speak, and once you see it, you can change it.
Speaker 1:Now this is where the Clarity Compass comes in. It is a tool that I have created, and it also provides you a practical way to explore your readiness for leadership and move past the weight of should. So I want you to imagine a compass in the palm of your hand and in the north direction, is your why? And this is why is leadership important to you? Ask yourself this question more than once, because each answer takes you closer to the heart of your purpose. It's about, maybe, serving your industry, maybe it's strengthening your community, maybe it's supporting the people that you lead. Knowing your why creates fuel for when leadership feels hard.
Speaker 1:In the east position, is your what? So the East position of the compass what kind of leader do you want to be? And, just as important, what kind of leader do you not want to be? This is about having a chance to think about leaders that you admire from your past or leaders that drained you from your past. List the qualities on both sides, because they both contain valuable information and this is your chance to paint a picture of the leader that you want to grow into. So, in the south position on your compass is who? Who do you admire? Who are the leaders you look up to Recognize the qualities in them? It's because those qualities exist in you. Who are the people you don't want to emulate. Know that also, that awareness matters. And who, especially, are the mentors, the peers, the colleagues that you trust that can walk alongside you as you grow.
Speaker 1:Leadership is not a solo sport. In the West, position is how? How will you move forward? One exercise I use is drawing a simple organizational chart on the back of a napkin or a piece of paper, wherever you can, and at the top I want you to imagine in the president's spot is your leadership goal something that you want to pursue? On the next line down, you're at the SVP level, right? I want you to list the categories or the focus areas that you need to put some time and energy and resources into in order to reach that leadership goal and then, under each one of those categories, I want you to write the specific actions or projects that are going to move you closer to getting to where you need to go in that category. This turns possibility into a plan. Now in the center of your compass is what I call now, once you've worked through the compass, each one of these areas, just don't let what you've uncovered set on a shelf. Within 48 hours.
Speaker 1:I want you to take one action that you can do. It's small, it's tiny. It might be scheduling a conversation, it might be reaching out to a mentor, it might be reading an article, or it might be journaling on your why. What matters is that you do something now. That is your next clear move. So what all of this does is it paints a greater picture of who you are becoming as a leader, and anything that doesn't line up with that needs to go.
Speaker 1:So here's a reflection prompt, or an exercise I want you to take 10 quiet minutes this week. Right, we're not talking 30, just 10. Write down every time you heard yourself say or think I should, okay, so I want you to be aware of it. Not talking 30, just 10,. Write down every time you heard yourself say or think I should, okay, so I want you to be aware of it. Once you're aware of it, you'll start noticing when you do it, and then I want you to go back and replace each one of those with I choose to or I want to, and notice how it feels different in your body and in your mind.
Speaker 1:This simple swap, it's a reframe. It can help you shift the way you see your options, okay. So if you're carrying the weight of too many shoulds, I want you to give yourself permission to just take one off your back. Set it down, let it go, and choose curiosity instead of pressure, choose readiness instead of rules, and that single shift could change how you lead and how you live. Now, if you're ready to drop a should and explore what's possible instead, then I'd love for you to head on over to my website at wwwdebbypetersonspeakscom. There are resources, programs, tools designed to help you and your team take your next clear move. So until the next time, be good to yourself and bye-bye for now.
Speaker 2:Thank you for listening to this episode of the Getting to Clarity podcast with Debbie Peterson.
Speaker 3:If you enjoyed this show, please rate and recommend it on iTunes or wherever you enjoy your podcasts.
Speaker 2:To learn more about how you can bring Debbie and her transformational clarity leadership strategies to your organization, visit DebbiePetersonSpeakscom.
