Travel Is Cheaper Than Divorce

Travel as a Bridge: Strengthening Family Ties Amidst Divorce Challenges

• David Packer • Season 2 • Episode 2

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What if the key to mending fractured family relationships lies in the power of travel? Join us as we uncover the profound impact travel can have on family dynamics, especially amidst the challenges of divorce. Through personal stories about my father's relentless commitment to visiting us from two states away, we explore how travel became a conduit for strengthening our bond and fostering my passion for new experiences. This episode delves into the idea of taking individual trips with each child, a meaningful strategy to reconnect and alleviate the pain of separation, offering insights into how travel can be a tool for preventing familial breakdowns.

Experience the transformative rewards of one-on-one time with your children, away from life's distractions. We discuss moving past parental fears and barriers to create genuine conversations and deeper connections. The "law of late harvest" frames our discussion on investing time in family relationships today to reap future rewards. We contrast the emotional toll of divorce with the joys and savings of nurturing family bonds through travel. Listen in for heartfelt anecdotes and practical tips on how travel can heal, grow, and ultimately strengthen your family connections, proving to be an economical and fulfilling choice.

Speaker 1:

You are listening to. Travel is Cheaper than Divorce. This podcast for all those who may be struggling with their spouse or their children and the relationship with them. We help give you tips and tricks by using travel as the means to be able to help your relationships with your family. I'll provide those tricks and other ways to help travel with little or no cost. So let's get into it.

Speaker 1:

Did you get to see your father much growing up? I know a lot of people who would answer that no. My spouse is one of them. In fact, she tells a story sometimes about how she rarely saw her father so much that she forgot what it looked like. And maybe you had that same experience. See, I am a child of divorce and I know a lot of people who, when they were divorced when their parents got divorced, I should say, their father wasn't around. Even though their father might live only 20 minutes away or even 10 minutes away, their father wasn't around.

Speaker 1:

In my last episode, I talked about rejection. That's, the ultimate rejection. It feels like I count myself lucky in this way. I don't feel lucky that my parents were divorced, although it has shaped me into the person I am today.

Speaker 1:

My dad, to his credit. He didn't live 20 minutes away, he lived two states away and he came and saw me and my siblings often, quite often, in fact, more often than dads I know who again were like 10 or 20 minutes away. I remember and I don't know if this is actually true, but this is how it felt. It felt like he was at every single choir concert. Now, if you've ever been to a high school or junior high choir concert, they're not the most exciting things in the world. But he flew in to support me. Let me say that again because, well, I'll just say this part. He flew in, he traveled to come see me. This podcast is really designed to really help you heal your family before it gets to divorce, but in this case, I can't heal what has already happened.

Speaker 1:

But when they got divorced, my dad traveled to come see me and I think that maybe that's why I have such a love for travel. Also because what it did for my family. Now it's like travel didn't heal the relationship between me and my father, but it certainly helped the relationship to be there. I know people who don't have any relationship with their father because their father was never around. I mean, there's study after study after study about fatherless homes and what that does, I felt more that I had a father in the home than these other people did. He wasn't really there, but you know what else my dad did? He called me once a week. He took the time to call me once a week, but what had the biggest impact on a positive side? I mean, I've talked a lot in these episodes about all the things that it did to me on the I don't want to call it negative side, but maybe not the most happy side. But on the positive side, if there was going to be one, is the fact that he traveled to come see me and of course it wasn't just for me, but when you're a kid that's what it feels like, and then my love for travel again may come from that.

Speaker 1:

I could even say that, for example, that was suppressed because when my parents got divorced I really became a homebody. I didn't go out much, mostly because my mom didn't go out much. She fell into a depression. We didn't go anywhere, frankly. So I was one of those kids, one of those 90s kids that just sat in front of the television, sat in front of the television, sat in front of the television and then high speed internet came out, so you better believe it on the computer, right and uh, so I didn't get out much at all. And because I didn't get out much, um, I didn't, I didn't really have.

Speaker 1:

When we got, when my spouse got married, I did, I was, I was, I decided. I mean, when you live one way your entire life, it's not like it's easy just to flip a switch and turn the other direction. And so I did stay in the house a lot. I didn't get out much. So I'm going to say something very kind of strange, but it's almost like I buried my love for travel underneath layers and layers of other things, because I didn't. It wasn't until my spouse talked about travel and how she wanted to travel did I realize how much I love to travel and how much more I love to travel for free, right, that is like the best way to travel right Is to travel for free. So my dad is to travel for free. So my dad my dad has a was able to come often enough. And, um, you know the, the points game that I play I don't even want to call it a game the point system that I use, um, that point system did not exist as it does today. So I know he paid cash for a lot of these flights. He lived in Southern California, I lived in Northern Utah at the time and he used his money to come see his children and it affected me. It definitely affected me in a positive way.

Speaker 1:

Of course, this podcast is about preventing divorce, so I'm not recommending you divorce and then go visit your children every so often. That's not the point of what I'm trying to say. I'm trying to say that, even with my divorce, even with the divorce that happened in my childhood, um, because he traveled to come see me, it made the sting of the divorce a little less. So now I'm talking to you about this. I'm talking to you about this have you ever thought of taking just let's just say you have multiple children, like I do, we have four you ever thought about just taking one of your children on a trip somewhere, maybe just for a couple days? Because a lot of the times and in fact in my last, I can't remember how many episodes ago I talked about how to, if you want to heal your marriage, you need to get away from your children. I still hold that. I hold that to if you want to heal your marriage, you need to get away from your children. I still hold to that. I hold to that, and maybe you've gotten to that point already where you and your spouse are now in a better place than you've ever been to. You've never been in for a while.

Speaker 1:

What about that one kid that you're having a hard time with? Can you not use that same formula? Can you not use that same formula and take your child Again? This doesn't have to be an expensive thing. Number one you can use points. Or, number two if you don't have the points yet, go on a weekender. Just like you know, you want to be a little bit further away from home, where it's not convenient to go back home. You want to make it painful for you to go back home because you don't want to go to a hotel or whatever it might be, and then after a day, like, oh, I'm just going to go home. This is just not working out for me. If you're like 10 minutes away, that's easy. If you're an hour and a half away, that's not easy, because my dad came and saw me and traveled to me. It made a big difference in my life. But since I don't want you to get to that point as a father. Maybe it's just taking your child on a trip individually and showing them that you do love them, because you're like, oh that, you know, I you know, I'll say this in my life.

Speaker 1:

There have been points in my life where that very thing terrifies me. It terrifies me to spend one-on-one time with my children because at the at that point I was like I don't, I don't even know what to say to them. I can't have a conversation with a a, a 14 year old girl. I've never been a teenage girl. What are we going to talk about? She didn't want to talk about makeup and clothing. I'd be like I don't even know what you're talking about. But see, that's so superficial. You're talking about things that she talks about on the surface. What's underneath all that? Do you think she's going to open up to you if you're just spending like five minutes with her, take her away, and then it might start that way.

Speaker 1:

But what happens when the conversations about makeup and clothing has all gone away? If you show your heart, if you show your heart, you don't think she's going to show you her heart, or him, if it's a son, and then you can have a deep conversation about things. There may be some within the sound of my voice that say but all we do is argue, it's just going to turn into an argument because I just this kid. I just cannot understand this kid. That's the whole point of this. Of course you don't.

Speaker 1:

Have you spent the time to listen? Or are you spending your time trying to correct every little thing they say? Their life is not your life, meaning meaning that you grew up a certain way, but they are not growing up that same way? In fact, if you're a good father, you want them to grow up better than how you grew up. So have you spent the time to listen? So you're on these trips with them. That's all you can do, and in fact, I would recommend, frankly, that you don't plan a lot of stuff while you're on this trip, because if you plan a bunch of stuff, then all you're doing is you're filling the time with things that are not conversations. I mean, go on a bowling trip. When you're going bowling, there's so much time for conversation Some people don't like bowling because of that but but there's so much time for conversation If you go bowling or miniature golfing or these other things that don't require a lot of like going to movie. There's not a lot of conversation happening. They're going to a theme park Same thing Cause you're maybe depends how long the lines are but then you're just annoyed If you've been to a theme park with long lines I think everybody has.

Speaker 1:

So what I'm trying to say is is that if you have a problem with a child so in my case, with the divorce my dad came to me but I'm saying you take them somewhere, because I'm hoping that you're not to that point and they are already divorced. Now, if you are already divorced, I'm saying you take them somewhere, because I'm hoping that you're not to that point and they are already divorced. Now, if you are already divorced, I'm telling you you want to make a difference in your children's life. Spend time with them. Stop being so selfish. Seriously, my gosh, there is such an epidemic of selfishness. Well, the game is.

Speaker 1:

This weekend I got to watch the Broncos play whomever I don't know, I'm not an NFL guy, but I got to get my NFL time in. Oh, is that more important than your child? Is that what you're trying to tell me right now? Come on, wake up. You don't think your children can notice that that's more important than them. But we spend time together watching the game. That's fantastic. I love that. Actually, I love that. I love the fact that you can spend time together as a family to watch the game. But that's as a family.

Speaker 1:

Do you ever spend one on one time with the child? Do you shush them because there's a play going on when they're trying to talk to you? You can miss a week, you can miss a weekend and then, oh gosh, I'm so tired of it. I'm so tired of men. I'm so tired of fathers who say well, that's my me time, you're going to lose everything, and then it will only be your me time 100% of the time. When you lose your entire family, it's important to recharge. I'm not trying to reject that. It's important to recharge, it's important to have some me time. But if that's all it is, you're losing everybody around you. So take your child away.

Speaker 1:

If you're having struggles with them, you can have some deep conversation with them and you might. You know what you might start with an argument. It might be an argument. It might start that way, but it will not end that way. I have a lot of confidence in that. Now, travel travel is important. Look how it's affected my life. It affected me where my father comes to me, where I felt like I was loved by my father, even though my parents got divorced and I'm going to talk in a future episode, I'm going to talk about what led to that, why they got divorced but so it affected me also with my own marriage, where we started traveling together, me and my spouse, and then my children. Notice, that was the pattern. Right, it was my spouse and I first, and then the children.

Speaker 1:

Because if your marriage is falling apart at the top, everything below falls apart, and I think I said I factored I know I said this in an earlier episode because if you focus so much on your children and you lose track of your spouse, you're just losing your entire family. They can feel that. I'm so tired of people saying, well, they don't know Bull, they all know they can feel it in the household. It's palatable. I said that word wrong, but I think you got it. You have to stand up and be a man, and a man leads his family. I know that's going to drive some people insane, but they do. They lead their family. You can't lead it with unrighteous dominion. You can't you have to do with love.

Speaker 1:

And if you're, and if you're, I just I just feel like I almost feel you guys out there telling me well, I got to have my me time. I just feel that because I seen it so many times and I know I've talked about this before, just like five seconds ago, but I just feel it out there that you're saying to yourself well, I'm sorry, I just can't do that. You're making excuses, you want the arguments to stop. You want arguments to stop. You want to get closer to your kids. And maybe you don't want to get closer to your kids. I can't help you there. Okay, I'll just tell you this If you're the one saying I don't really care about getting closer to my kids, how dare you? Those kids rely on you, not just for money. Money is just so fleeting, it just goes away anyways. They rely on you for love. How dare you? Those kids need you.

Speaker 1:

I'm really looking forward. My kids are not old enough yet for this yet, but I'm looking forward to the time when my children have children and I have grandchildren and I'm able to have them over for a Sunday dinner or whatever, if they live close enough. And if they don't. I look forward to them coming back and traveling I said it again back to their parents or us traveling to them. I'm looking forward to the time we spend together as a family. Do you think they're going to want to see you when they have kids if you don't even want to see them now? I'm sorry, this is so frustrating to me. It's frustrating to me the way that people look and say what's in it for me. One more quick thing before I wrap this up.

Speaker 1:

I believe that the things that you want the most in your life are the things that take the longest. Well, I mean, I really want to phrase this right the things that are going to be the most fulfilling in your life are the most painful and longest things that you're going to have to go through. Raising a family isn't easy. It's hard work, but if you put the work in, then on the back end of that, you're going to love it. You're going to love it.

Speaker 1:

I call it the law of late harvest, as somebody else once said, which is, you put in the work and you don't even see the fruits of your labor until way longer later, and you see all. Then you harvest, then you harvest, then you harvest. I'm looking forward to harvesting. I'm looking forward to the time when my children want to come back home or they want me to come visit their children and they want to be around us and we can go on a cruise together because you know I like to travel, if you haven't noticed and we go out together and go, have fun together, and this is all. After. This is when it's their choice.

Speaker 1:

Right now, they're living with me, but when they come back and they want to come back, that is when I harvest all the work that I put into the field. You want to spend your rest of your life playing child support, alimony, hardly being around. That's way expensive. Like I said before, you want to be all about your time me, me, my time. That's all you're going to get and then you're going to have all this money going out, since you're so worried about money Because I know there are some out there who are but I'm telling you right now, travel is much cheaper, much cheaper than divorce you have been listening to. Travel is Cheaper Than Divorce with David Packer. Please let us know what you think about this episode or any other comments you might have, by visiting our website at wwwtravelpointdadcom. Please join us for our next episode, where we continue to explore how travel can help bring your family together.