Travel Is Cheaper Than Divorce
"Travel is cheaper than divorce, I should know. My wife and I were at the door to it." - David Packer
In this podcast I share some of the places, experiences and moments that changed the dynamics of not only my marriage but also the relationship with my kids. Travel was a big key of growing together, becoming stronger as a family and truly saving my marriage with my wife.
I share with you, how you can gain and travel using points and other rewards programs to see and explore some of the most amazing places in the world. In this podcast I share some of the lessons both good and bad, that have guided me and my family as we have navigated the growth and expansion of a family unit.
TRAVEL IS POSSIBLE... when you do it smart. In this podcast I give the tips and tricks I have used and the secrets I teach others of using rewards & point programs to maximize the dollars you are already spending to create some unforgettable memories with your family.
Travel Is Cheaper Than Divorce
Listening and Presence in Nurturing Love
Ever thought travel could be the secret ingredient for nurturing deeper connections with your spouse and family? Join me as I unravel how hitting the road became a turning point in my marriage, helping me move beyond logical fixes to truly understanding my wife's emotional needs. From the early days when my rational approach clashed with her feelings, to a pivotal moment when her desire to travel led us down a path of rediscovery, this episode is a candid exploration of the emotional dynamics within relationships. Learn how embracing empathy, compassion, and adaptability can transform your interactions and strengthen your bonds.
We'll dive into personal stories that highlight the power of listening and being present, discovering the immense reassurance that simple gestures of support can offer. I'll share insights into the challenges of providing emotional support, especially when resources seem limited, revealing how perseverance and a willingness to embrace uncertainty opened doors to unexpected solutions. Whether you're facing similar struggles or simply looking for ways to enhance your relationships, this conversation offers valuable lessons on harnessing emotional understanding and the transformative potential of travel.
You are listening to. Travel is Cheaper than Divorce. This podcast for all those who may be struggling with their spouse or their children and the relationship with them. We help give you tips and tricks by using travel as the means to be able to help your relationships with your family. I will provide those tricks and other ways to help travel with little or no cost. So let's get into it.
Speaker 1:Stop trying to have all the answers, because you'll never have them. Nobody in this world does. Stop trying to fix everything because you simply can't. You simply cannot.
Speaker 1:It's funny how men and this happened to me in my life, obviously I come from a lot of experience in this we think we can fix everything with our spouses. They come to us with a problem and we think we can fix it, but we can't even fix an air conditioner. Now how are those two things related? If you think you can fix everything with your spouse, why can't you fix everything in your house? You can't. You simply don't have all the answers. Men and women are, frankly, built differently. I remember once that, after you know it's funny actually A lot of the quote arguments my wife and I have had not all of them, I don't even know if it's most of them, but a lot of them have started with her coming to me and telling me how she felt, and me as I thought was a good husband, listened to her.
Speaker 1:But the problem is is I am always wanting to jump in so fast with what I believe is solution to all of her problems that sometimes I didn't even let her finish the sentence, I just jumped right on that. Jumped right on that, I just told her well, here's what you need to do. You need to think about this differently. How do you tell somebody who's having an emotional problem, to tell them to get into their brain and think about it differently. Think how, think. How stupid that sounds. Of course, me being the guy that I have always been, very, very number of spreadsheets, very left brain I always think you can always outthink everything. Especially at that point in my life, at that point in my life, I was always trying to outthink things. I was not really opening my heart.
Speaker 1:I remember, I remember one of these arguments and she said she says, why are you arguing with me? I said I'm not, I'm just telling you. You know that this is what you need to do. You need to think about this way. I'm like she's like that's you arguing with me? You're telling me something different than what I am telling you. This is how I feel. Stop telling me not to feel that way. I never said the words don't feel that way. But by trying to use my brain and say, think about it differently, I'm essentially telling her stop feeling, stop feeling that way. Boy, I can't even tell you and describe to you the feeling I had that day. It hit me like a ton of bricks. It hit me as much as you can feel it, for I hope you could feel my feel through the through whatever listening medium you have. Right now, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I mean, I was like, oh my gosh. Oh my gosh, because you don't have all the answers and especially you don't have the answers to emotional problems, because emotional problems aren't solved with logic. They're solved, solved by understanding. They're solved by loving. You know this.
Speaker 1:Actually, I'm going to tell you a story that literally just recently happened, over the last couple of days. Even from this recording, you know what it really is. Do you want to, really is you want to solve your wife's emotional problems? Then take the emotions from her. Let me explain to you what I mean by that with this story that I have to tell you when my wife is feeling especially emotional and again because of her story, of all the things she's been through, she's probably more emotional than probably most of your spouses out there, with all the sexual abuse, rape, narcissistic narcissism in her life from parents and otherwise. I mean she's been through the gamut. I mean the gamut of things. So she's fairly emotional. She's an emotional human being.
Speaker 1:But also I had some on the things I've learned. Oh my gosh, I have so much to say about this. This is one of the things I absolutely have learned to love about her, and I used to hate it. I used to hate it. I love this part of her. I absolutely love the part of her that is emotional Because, as I've opened my heart to her and not just her but everybody I feel like I understand emotions and see how powerful they are. I admire her for how she feels, but anyways, last couple of days she's been going through kind of a roller coaster of emotions, and when she has those I don't and she okay.
Speaker 1:Here's another thing that I have learned, and this is part of this story. So I just came up as I was telling this is if they, if, if one of your, if your wife asked you what is an impossible question, she already knows it's an impossible question. No, it's not an impossible question. If she asked you a question that does not have an answer, it's an impossible answer. There is no answer. Essentially, then she already knows that. So stop trying to answer the freaking question. I mean, that sounds completely opposite in logic, but these aren't logical questions, they're emotional questions. You cannot answer emotions with logic.
Speaker 1:So, anyways, so I'll tell you the story, trying to, but there's just so many that's coming up in this, so she's having kind of an emotional roller coaster and she came to me and she's like why is it this way? Why do I feel this way? Why? And those are the type of things that how are you supposed to answer that with logic? Well, the reason you feel this way is because you know the earth spins in a certain way and this person is touching. You know did this to you 20 years ago. None of that works, none of that works.
Speaker 1:So she came to me and she said I'm feeling this way and you know what you do is you take that emotion on. How do you do that? Now, I'm not going to tell you logically, because there is no logical way to take on somebody's emotions. I will tell you. It's all about feeling and heart. You open your heart. When you open your heart, you're able to really take those emotions on. This is what I've learned over the years, and this is this is going to start getting me emotional is that when I take on my wife's emotions, I literally can feel her emotions, and when I feel her emotions, I know exactly what to do. And do you know what I did in that? And do you know what I did in that moment? Do you know what I did in that moment when she was telling me all that I said come here, let me hold you. That's it. Come here, let me hold you.
Speaker 1:We've been in Phoenix for the last. I don't know five days. I think maybe four days, five days, I think. So we've been in a hotel room and you know how many times we've turned on the TV once, and it was for 10 minutes to find somebody to watch. We couldn't find anything. We turned it off. Oh man, this is. This is such a separate episode in a way, but media actually, it's so distracting sometimes. Anyways, maybe we'll do that in a separate episode.
Speaker 1:I want to stay focused on this, but because I didn't, I didn't hold her while I was watching a television show. That's what my point is. I was putting my whole entire feelings and thoughts with her, so she was able to melt. I mean, I know these are kind of weird terms, but it's what it really felt like. She was able to melt into me so I was able to take that on. Well, that doesn't sound like a man. Some people might say that doesn't sound like being a man. Having all these emotions and such, it's like the epitome of being a man. What you just did, what I did in that moment, and what you could also do, is I lifted her up, I protected her. What is more being a man than protecting your spouse? I let her melt into me and take that on, so she didn't have to.
Speaker 1:If she feels like she's lifting a burden, like a vehicle, like a car, a weight so heavy that she cannot hold it, in fact, take this analogy literally in your mind. If she's holding up a car, you're like why is my wife holding up a car? Are you not going to go help her or just take over that for her. That's what I did in that moment. I took that away from her so she didn't have that burden any longer. I didn't answer that question. I never answered that question because she doesn't need it answered Not with a logical answer, at least not with an actual vocal answer. How she needed answered was to be loved. She's just asking to be loved. She's asking to be understood.
Speaker 1:And you see, you say the words and you mean them, because if you're my wife can, she has like a radar for times when I say I understand you and she knows I'm oh, I'm just saying words. So if you're just going to say words and not have anything behind it, she's going to realize and that might actually hurt her more. By the way, it's a separate issue that's happened with me. I've said the words. I understand you. Pat, pat on the head, go away. Now. That's what I felt like. I've done that to her boy. That's not pleasant, not pleasant. But you say the words. I understand how you're feeling and you actually mean that, because I did at the time and I said come here, let me hold you. That's what she needs at the time. It's so funny.
Speaker 1:As men we feel like we have to have the all the answers. I mean, before you listen to this podcast. Maybe this is your first episode, but if you, if this is, go back, listen to some of the other ones, you'll be out of your mind in a sense, saying are you telling me I can? I can solve all my problems with my spouse by traveling? I don't know if it's all. I don't have all the answers. I'm here to admit that. But I can tell you that this is what helped with me and my spouse. Yes, us traveling made a huge, huge difference in our marriage Huge and our family, not just our marriage, but in our family with our kids too. And you're saying that's the answer. I'm saying it could be, Not just our marriage, but in our family with our kids too. And you're saying that's the answer. I'm saying it could be. I don't have all the answers either, and I'm here to admit it.
Speaker 1:And if you're out with your buddies and they ask you a question, like I don't know the answer to that question, why can you admit it to them but not to your spouse? Because they're not asking you an emotional question. They're asking you a logical one, usually because men are more logical, generally speaking, so it's easier to say I don't know, but with your spouse you're like, oh well, let me fix this because I'm going to show you love by fixing this or answering this question. That's never. It just doesn't work. When you truly open your heart and love, when you really truly open your heart and love, that is the answer to 75% of your wife's questions.
Speaker 1:When she is a being, when she's being, I shouldn't say being emotional, but when she is emotional, because when you say the words being emotional, it's like she's being, I shouldn't say being emotional, but when she is emotional, because when you say the words being emotional, it's like she's being irrational. She's not being irrational, she's being emotional. This is just how I used to think. I just see this because this is how I used to think for the first umpteen years of my wife's and I marriage. We, we caught. It was just always. It was butting heads constantly, because I was always logical and she was always emotional. I thought she was irrational and she thought I was unfeeling. Well, one of those two things was right I was unfeeling and she wasn't irrational. I just thought she was because I didn't open my heart. I didn't say okay.
Speaker 1:Let me give you an example. Early in our marriage I mean really early, probably within the first couple months we were married, right? This is going to tell you how horrible of a husband I was back then, but I don't care, you're just going to listen to it because maybe you or maybe it'll make you feel better that you weren't that bad, or maybe you are that bad, I don't know. But we got married within a couple of weeks. Even I would. I would go get home from work I was, I was working at a bank at the time. I get, I get home from work and I get in my gym shorts and without even saying I love you or kissing or hugging her, I said, ok, I'm gonna go play ball with my friends. Sound like a caring husband to you.
Speaker 1:Are there any ladies listening to this podcast? You're like, yeah, what a jerk. Oh, yeah, I was that. I mean I've gotten better over the years, quite obviously. But but man back then, right, so she wasn't being irrational when she got, when I got home from playing ball with my friends, angry with me, like why? I mean you can easily take that and say why are you being so irrational? I was just having, I was just getting some exercise. Don't you want me to have exercise? That certainly sounds logical, right? Maybe she's the irrational one, or maybe you're an asshole, maybe. I mean, I look back at that now and that's why I see I see a person being a jerk.
Speaker 1:Now they're going to put an explicit label on this podcast, but whatever, um, sometimes the emotion what I'm trying to say is sometimes I don't say all the time, but sometimes the emotions that she's expressing to you is a reaction to you not doing something beforehand or doing something beforehand, and you're calling it irrational when you're the one that might have caused it. I didn't say all the time, I said a lot of the times. So did you ignore her that day? Did you not show her any emotion that day? Not having all the answers should not hold you back from your life, living your life. Like like when my wife came to me again and for those who are new to the podcast, this will be new to your story and those who are not, I've told the story several times because it's what put me in this journey of traveling. But my wife came to me and she said I need to travel because she was overly stressed out. We were foster parents at the time and we had our own kids and she was a stay at home mom and she was homeschooling. It was. She was superwoman In my opinion. She's still superwoman in my opinion, even to this day, for all that she's been through and overcome.
Speaker 1:And I didn't have any of the answers at the time Because, logically again, going back to logic going back to logic logically, there was no way we could travel. No way. And no money, no, nothing. So I went to work and I figured out a way. I found the answers and the answers were completely different than what I thought they'd be. The answers were we're just going to travel for free. We're just going to travel for free. I found a way for us to travel for free and that's the system I have built for my wife and I and others that I've taught. That's not logical. I found a way. I didn't have all the answers. I didn't have all the answers, but I didn't. Let me not having the answers hold me back.
Speaker 1:So I am telling you, my friends out there, from experience If you don't have all the answers, you should be okay with that. If she comes to you and she's like I don't know what to do, I feel so awful right now. Well, I don't know what to do about that, don't? You may feel that way, you might think that way, but don't vocalize that. Just say I understand and mean I understand how you're feeling.
Speaker 1:Sometimes, maybe the answer is a question back, or maybe the answer is a question back to her what do you want me to do? Is there anything I can do for you? Or sometimes, as I understand, and you just hold her and let her cry into your shoulder, and that way, my friends, you are protecting her. You're protecting her from all the things that she's feeling at the time by putting your arms around her. One of the things my wife says to me all the time is and I'm not saying this as a cocky thing, for sure, but this is how she feels but she says I feel so much more comfortable when you have your strong arms around me, and so if you put that strength around her, I'm here for you. I'm here for you. Then you don't have to have all the answers. That is the answer. That is the answer. So don't again. Don't let not having all the answers hold you back from living the life that you want to live, because nobody on this stinking earth has all the answers? No one. No one has all the answers, no one, in fact. You can think of some of the smartest people in the world and they have terrible relationships sometimes. So they found answers to some of the greatest minds out there and they have nothing on the emotional side and they've lost. And that logic only takes them so far and it makes them feel and they try to shut off their feelings by being so logical about it. What a life to live. That's the life I used to live. I used to live a life where I would just shut off my emotions and just logically think of everything and I life is so much better for me now, now that I have both. You can't live on just one side of your brain. You've got to have both. Open your heart, tell your brain. You've got to have both. Open your heart, tell your story, know who you are and then know who your wife is by listening to her, by listening to her story, even if the story is just the story of her day. Because eventually, if you keep trying to fix her problems and not just simply being there for her and not getting out with her, and these things just start compounding, you're going to end in a parallel marriage or divorce, and that's very expensive. It's expensive to your heart, it's expensive to your wallet. So I'm here to tell you, I'm here to tell you again, again, again travel is much cheaper than divorce you have been listening to. Travel is Cheaper Than Divorce with David Packer. Please let us know what you think about this episode or any other comments you might have, by visiting our website at wwwtravelpointdadcom. Please join us for our next episode, where we continue to explore how travel can help bring your family together.