Rebecca talks about a son who would not sleep at night

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:03

Hello everyone. Welcome back to the Solo Parenting Podcast. I've got another amazing guest. Her name is Rebecca, and she had a son who was not able to sleep until something went off. And she thought of a way to get him to sleep during the night. And then she also uh has written a book. So before I introduce you to her, uh I'm just gonna give you a little bit more of an introduction of her. Uh, she is a humble and entertaining, entertaining communicator with no pretense and no assumed level of being an expert. She shares her story of her son struggling to stop uh sleep, sorry, through the night. And then a light bulb moment that just triggered and get her son to go to sleep, that changed it all for the family. So, welcome, Rebecca. How are you doing today?

SPEAKER_01 1:03

I'm well, thank you so much for having me. Doing great. You're welcome. Welcome.

SPEAKER_00 1:08

So, do you want to start maybe from the beginning? Like, how does this go on? Like, were you a single mom, or were you always like, were you married and had this with your son, the issue of him not sleeping?

SPEAKER_01 1:21

So I am married, and uh my son is now almost 13, which is hard to believe because I'm not 13 years older, but somehow he is. But uh yeah, we have one child, and it's it's the first marriage for both of us, the first and only child for the two of us. And so, you know, we're just kind of navigating blindly, but I had um, you know, I was wise enough to know that a four-year-old not sleeping through the night is not typical. So uh I'm sure in a sleep-deprived state one evening or morning or combination of the two, I came up with this concept of the growing bed, which is the name of the book I ended up writing. And it was the the concept that actually clicked for him and and got him to start sleeping through the night in his own bed.

SPEAKER_00 2:09

Oh wow, that's awesome.

SPEAKER_01 2:12

But it was four years of being four years of being very, very, very tired.

SPEAKER_00 2:17

Yeah, I can just imagine. I know I'm with my oldest, she wouldn't uh leave me either, like in the beginning. Like I try to put her in the crib and then she would start crying. Then I had to bring her back to bed, and she just kept going for like years, and then finally, yeah, she got like five, six, I think, or even seven, then she wanted to sleep on her own. So but it's frustrating though when they're doing that.

SPEAKER_01 2:43

It is so is there, go ahead for everybody, so yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:48

So is there like a moment where something triggered, and then or you kind of or the light bulb went on and that you got him to start sleeping on his own. So, and you maybe want to share that with the audience because maybe somebody's going through this right now.

SPEAKER_01 3:02

Sure. Well, they say that necessity is the mother of invention, right? I I needed something, we needed something that was going to work to get our son to sleep through the night on his own, because to a point you just made, he slept just fine when he was sleeping with mommy and daddy, but as they get older and bigger, um, you know, that's not it, was just wasn't the best for our family. Now, some families go that route and it totally works for them, and you do you, not a problem. But it just wasn't working for our family. So one of the things that was frustrating my son as he started to get older, three and four years old, was that he wasn't able to do a lot of the things that his other friends were able to do. They were, because his other friends were bigger, so they could ride the roller coasters or play on the monkey bars or grow out of their car seat into like just a booster seat kind of thing. And he wasn't able to do that. So, and not necessarily that there is a correlation between the two, but in my again, probably sleep-deprived state, I said, Well, maybe, you know, young man, one of the reasons that you're not growing and you're not able to do some of the things your peers are able to do is because when mommy and daddy go to bed, we go to bed to relax, to rest, to recharge, we're done growing. But when little kids go to bed, that's when they grow. That's when their bodies help them grow. So if you're not getting the best night's sleep, then you're not growing. And if you're not growing, that's why you're not able to do X, Y, and Z that your other friends are able to do. And even at four years old, that was what clicked for them. And that was the birth of the growing bed. Okay, okay, awesome.

SPEAKER_00 4:54

Okay, awesome. That was great. Um, why do you think that sleeping impacts the children if well I think sleeping impacts everybody, young and old.

SPEAKER_01 5:08

It just impacts us differently in what we gain as a child from good sleep and what we gain as an adult from good sleep, I think changes and involves, evolves as we grow up. Now, you mentioned earlier that I am in no way a sleep expert. I'm not a doctor, I don't have any certifications, there's no letters after my name. But I am a mom that was very, very sleep-deprived for a very, very long time and have learned trial by fire, you know. But, you know, like I mentioned, when as an adult, when you go to bed, it's just to kind of turn your brain off to relax, to recharge, and to prepare for the next day. But children really are literally growing in the middle of the night. They are not just relaxing, their bodies are shutting down some systems to get other systems up and running again, and and that that is necessary for their for their normal development. We we've pretty much stopped developing as adults. So it's sleep is um more of a negotiable for us. You know, I think we all would love to get eight hours of sleep, but it's not always happening. Whereas the children really, really need those big, big, unrupt and uninterrupted chunks of time for sleep to do all the things that their little bodies need to do for them to grow up very healthy.

SPEAKER_00 6:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 6:28

Um what would be like one lesson that your book teaches other parents about that you can think of, maybe uh one of the unintended lessons I've been told families have taken from the book is the concept of empathy, not so much empathy in the adults, but empathy in children. Um our son didn't realize that when he slept with us, and then mommy and daddy the next day were exhausted because we didn't get a good night's sleep, that it affected our day and our mood and our behavior. So teaching kids at a young age that their actions and their behaviors have an effect not just on them, but on others is a is a good way to teach empathy early on. That was not one of my intents when I wrote the book, but it's it's been a nice added bonus that people have pointed out.

SPEAKER_00 7:26

Okay. So the book you're talking about, is that that's like available on Amazon and other book.

SPEAKER_01 7:32

Yep, everyone can buy books, Amazon, Target, Walmart, Barnes, and Noble. I do encourage people though that if they'd like uh a personalized copy, if they'd like me to sign it to little Timmy or little Tammy or whomever, that they can buy it through me directly on my website, which is just thegrowingbed.com. But if if you don't want it personalized and you want it in two days flat, then you know Amazon or any other place you'd grab your book is where you could go.

SPEAKER_00 8:00

Okay. And if somebody wanted to connect with you, are you all over social media or I know you've got a website?

SPEAKER_01 8:06

Yeah, thegrowingbed.com or Instagram at thegrowingbed.

SPEAKER_00 8:11

Okay, awesome, awesome. All right, awesome. Uh what would be the one thing that you would like other parents to know and you would like to share?

SPEAKER_01 8:24

So in case somebody's going through this, I think one of the best lessons as a parent that you can learn is that there's no one way to parent, there's no right or wrong way to parent. Uh, some families, like I said before, thrive in a co-sleeping situation. Little babies and and toddlers are sleeping right there side by side with mom and dad till some are even older than four. And that's fine if that works for your family. It just wasn't working for our family. So there are hundreds of ways to raise your own child, and it's the only right way is what's right for you and your kid. We have one child, but I even talked to some parents that have said they've had to do completely different things for child one that they've done for child two, you know, boys or girls are different, you know. So it's it's a matter of just trusting your gut and knowing what works for your family at that time and and not really worrying about what other people say or what the experts say, if you will. So just you know, trusting your gut and doing what works best for your family. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 9:34

Do you know about any other experiences where the parents have more than one child, like maybe two or three kids, and this is happening to them? And then would you uh recommend anything?

SPEAKER_01 9:47

Or well, it's interesting you bring that up. I've also been told that even the best of sleepers regress at times for big life changes. You know, they get a new house, and so maybe a child or two that were really good, strong sleepers now are not the same because there's been this big change, a new home, or um maybe a new sibling comes into the picture, or uh God forbid mom and dad split up, and now there aren't two parents to, you know, check you in and kiss you goodnight. So again, you know, every family's different, and it's just a matter of kind of accommodating the child where they're at at that at that season. My husband's always been a big advocate of um, you know, don't stress out about you if you don't like something in your kid's behavior right now, just give it give it a couple weeks. They're they're growing and changing and evolving so quickly that if you just give it a couple weeks, it's likely, likely going to change.

SPEAKER_00 10:49

Okay, awesome. Because I know a lot of parents, especially with the new child coming in, the old the uh older child feels like deprived that they're not gonna get their mom and dad's love or they're not gonna be able to take me into bed.

SPEAKER_01 11:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:02

So they're gonna feel very vulnerable. Any suggestions on that?

SPEAKER_01 11:07

Well, I wouldn't be able to speak from experience because again, we just have one kiddo, but um, I'm sure there's just that that growing period of of having of parents having to learn how to balance their time between going from one child to two or two children to three. Um, I've actually been told the hardest transition isn't going from one to two kids or two to kids, three kids, it's going from no kids to one kid. So um I kind of feel like, and what again I've been told, since I can't speak from experience, is that as a parent, the second or third time around, you have a bit more confidence in yourself. You realize that the child's not gonna break, if you will, and and that there's nothing you can do. Well, I won't say nothing, there's very little you could do in one night that would you know mess them up forever. So to to give yours give yourself some grace.

SPEAKER_00 12:03

Okay. Um, any last closing remarks that you would like to let other parents know or anything that you said you could maybe think of something on the top of your head where you heard it from another parent or experienced?

SPEAKER_01 12:19

Well, I just think you know, the this book and any other children's book is just a tool in the parenting tool belt. Again, there's a million ways to do things, there's no one right or wrong way for everyone. You know, these are blanket parent roles, but um, just just trusting your gut and then figuring out what works at the time and being willing to be flexible and change with the needs of your family. And just again, putting this concept of the growing bed in your parenting tool belt. Again, I always laugh and say, I it's a book I hope no one ever needs, but there's a good chance that if it's not your family, it's a family you know that's struggling with sleep. And considering sleep is supposed to be one third of our day, it's something we should try and master.

SPEAKER_00 13:07

Okay. Like, do you maybe recommend like a lot of families think that maybe like more milk or just milk in general uh should be given to a child before sleep? But I know, but I think the doctors are recommending that they don't because the sugar in in their sugar, um the milk will kind of rot their teeth, especially when they're growing up.

SPEAKER_01 13:29

So any from from what I've from what I've heard, the milk before bed is not an issue as long as they're brushing their teeth after the milk. But I think that's the concern, you know, with the the milk and the correlation with um with sleep. I don't think it's necessarily the milk that's the issue. It's it's like you know, having a bottle in the bed that's not ideal because then they don't have a chance to brush their teeth after they've consumed the milk. But you could say the same about having chocolate chip cookies before bed or a sweet treat or anything, even as adults, if we um have a sweet treat before bed and then don't brush our teeth, that's that's where the issue is. It's not so much what you do right before bed, and you know, and we had tried everything. We had tried sleep training, we had tried the cry it out method. I had at one point bought a metronome and put it next to my son's crib. So again, we we had tried it all, and what what worked for us may not work for other families, and what worked for other families didn't work for us. So um, again, it's just kind of trying it all out and seeing what fits best in your home.

SPEAKER_00 14:39

Okay, so when you put him into his own bed at the first night, like how did that go? Like, was he screaming? Was he like comfortable?

SPEAKER_01 14:49

Well, again, it wasn't an overnight tran it wasn't an overnight fix, but it was definitely the most long-lasting fix and the easiest kind of transition that we experienced between him not sleeping with us anymore and then sleeping on his own. So we did have it a couple times where he'd wake up in the middle of the night and and we'd walk him back to his bed. But but you know, we just kept reminding him and using this, you know, theoretical situation of monkey bars and roller coasters and booster seats and whatnot to entice him to stay in his bed and sleep, and that's that's what finally worked.

SPEAKER_00 15:29

Okay, awesome. Well, thank you so much for coming onto the show. Any last words before we say goodbye?

SPEAKER_01 15:38

No, I I think your your podcast is a great tool for parents, you know, there's no one way to do everything, so it's great that you get different perspectives on on different ways to to raise our children and raise families. So I think it's a wonderful thing that you've got going. Thank you for having me. Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 16:03

All right, so that was my host, my sorry, my guest Rebecca. And like I was doing the other beginning of the videos, that I didn't forget to mention that I will be having a special giveaway, so which is um uh newsletter that I give out every month, and then you can also purchase my ebook, it's called Life After Diabetes that you can purchase for$22, sorry,$23. And that you can purchase at my stand store. And also, I was just talking to Rebecca. And if you would like, you could get a book signed from her, and she could be able to give you a discount. So I haven't really worked out the details, but if you want, just reach out to me at jennifergill68 at gmail.com and I can give you that uh quote, whatever she recommends. And then um, if you just want to talk to me, you can reach me as well through my email. I'm all over social media as well. I've got a special Facebook group going on with other moms that are struggling, maybe, and they need help. So just reach me through there as well or YouTube. I've got tons of videos and I'm on Apple and Spotify podcasts. Until the next time we meet for another amazing guest. Thank you so much for listening and make sure you that you share with others somebody that needs to hear this. All right. Take care and bye for now.