Overcoming being a solo-parent jennifer gill

I was interviewed by Anne, who owns a podcast named Overcoming anything. I highly recommend her podcast. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Welcome to Overcoming Anything, the podcast where we dive deep into stories of resilience, transformation, and growth. I'm your host Anne, and today we have an incredible guest who has overcome being a solo parent. So many people can relate to the challenges of this. And joining me today is Jennifer Gill, a single mom who's had to manage on her own, dealing with the everyday life of raising kids, struggling with their outdoor sports activities, homework, chores, etc. And she has an amazing story of perseverance and resilience. So welcome to the show. Thank you for being inviting me. Absolutely. Absolutely. So before we dive in, I always love to ask, what's one quote or mantra that keeps you going in tough times?

SPEAKER_00 0:42

I ain't broke. I get off my behind so that I'm not broke. I love it. Keep it going.

SPEAKER_01 0:47

So let's start at the beginning. What is the most difficult thing you've had to overcome in regards to being a single parent?

SPEAKER_00 0:54

I'm actually a solo parent where my husband is actually another city. I'm still married, but he's another city. And what I guess was really tough was juggling home life with work life, children go taking them to school or dealing with their issues that they may have had at school with report cards or parent-teacher interview, putting dinner on the table, making sure that their work was done. And then just having myself insanity to get ready for work for the next day.

SPEAKER_01 1:23

I know. I think so many of our listeners can relate to that. So was your was your spouse gone just during the week or weekends too?

SPEAKER_00 1:31

Or actually he sorry, he actually went not on a like a permanent basis, but he went he would be gone for months because he got a job at a university which was sort of like a four-hour drive from where we were. So he would go ahead and then come on holidays, or if it was like his vacation time when the kids were out of school, so like the end of April to say beginning of August, and then he would return, and then he would return back at Christmas time. So just whenever he could, he came back. So basically I was juggling everything.

SPEAKER_01 2:08

So what made this experience particularly challenging for you?

SPEAKER_00 2:12

I guess the challenging part was to doing everything, like looking over the household, the children's needs, my needs, and then making sure that the role of the father was also fulfilled by me, where not only was I a support like being there for the children, but also having that the father wasn't there, but making sure that the father's role was also met for the kids so they didn't really miss that. And that was the challenging part because I'm like the mother, I'm not the father, but I had to step into both roles.

SPEAKER_01 2:45

Yes, I'm sure that was very challenging.

SPEAKER_00 2:47

So did they still have a connection with their father, even though he was away for like nightly calls or Yeah, every week he would call, like we would just talk to him and just check in with him and let him know what was going on so that he was up to date with what's going on and with the report cards or with anything that they needed or whatever, or like for Christmas holidays, like what did you were you planning to come and spending time with them? So Wow.

SPEAKER_01 3:15

So was there anyone to support you during this time? Or was there moments that you felt completely alone, like any family close by or friends?

SPEAKER_00 3:22

I actually had my mom and my brother, but at the same time, my dad was ill in a care home. So she was supportive with me while she was taking care of him and helping me as well with the kids. And I also had my father-in-law who was also taking care of the children, going taking them to school or coming, bringing them back home after, then just helping them maybe have their like the lunch or snack ready until I would get home from work and then make dinner and put on the table for them.

SPEAKER_01 3:52

Oh, that's good. But at least you had a little bit of assistance, probably not as much as had your spouse been there, but at least it gave you a little room. So, what was the turning point when you realized that oh, things need to change and I need to do something different in this situation?

SPEAKER_00 4:08

I guess when the kids were getting older, it was like more for them to kind of be more independent now, so that they could go ahead and take some of the responsibilities that I had, like for instance, having dinner ready or helping with their homework. So I was getting them to do their own homework. Um, if they needed a tutor or they needed some help, I would make sure that I would reach out to the school and get the teachers to help them, or if they needed a tutor, communicate with more and having them sort of being more independent that they can go ahead and succeed. And once they were graduating, that they can go ahead into the workforce and start, or if they wanted to further educate like themselves and go right ahead.

SPEAKER_01 4:50

That's great. So I'm sure many of our listeners are wondering do you have a specific framework or process or how did you stay super organized and efficient and getting everything done and taken care of? Was there like a master chore list?

SPEAKER_00 5:04

How did you do it? When the kids were younger, I would just go ahead and have it put on the fridge where they had to do this. So we each had one child have the chores what they had it to do, and then have it for the older one. For instance, like putting the dishes in the dishwasher, and the other one would go ahead and load in the morning so it's ready to go for the other child, or having the garbage put out and making sure if we were missing something for their lunches to make sure that we had it and it was ready to go. So just organization, but having it put on a little piece of paper with tasks and having it put on the fridge so that all three of us could see it and understand it what needs to be done by the end of the day or the week.

SPEAKER_01 5:46

So did tools to help inspire them to do their chores, or did they have like consequences, or how did you motivate them to take part in these chores?

SPEAKER_00 5:55

I didn't use anything, they just understood that Mum is by herself and that we need to help, and that at the same time I wasn't really feeling well, I was having internal issues. So they were quite older or understand than their what their years were. So they had watched me and they wanted to do understanding in that role where they need to help Mom because she's by herself. So that helped a lot.

SPEAKER_01 6:19

That's great. You have good kids to be so supportive and want to help out and take care of you.

SPEAKER_00 6:25

So, how many kids, by the way, do you have? I have two, and they're very supportive. Like they totally understand. Oh, that's amazing.

SPEAKER_01 6:32

You obviously did a great job raising them and nurturing them. So, what life lessons did being a solo parent teach you?

SPEAKER_00 6:39

Oh my gosh. It taught me a lot, which I was never expecting because in the beginning, when I my husband told me he goes, I'm getting a job offer here. Do you think I should go? And I'm just like, Yeah, because you don't want to be over the years kicking yourself. For me to actually just taught me a lot being just independent on my own, what it would be like as the years gone by and got older that I would be just more stronger, more independent. I can't really think of anything else, just being stronger than what I was because I was not a very strong person. I was very scared, very shy, would not talk to anybody. I was one of those kind of kids that were really gullible. So it's done a lot for me over the years to really strengthen my strength, I guess I could say, to really mold me to a better version of myself.

SPEAKER_01 7:32

Oh, that's beautiful. Do your kids still live at home or how old are they now?

SPEAKER_00 7:37

Um, they are now 24 and 27, and but they still live at home.

SPEAKER_01 7:41

Okay, all right. So, what will life be like once they migrate on their own out of the house?

SPEAKER_00 7:47

I guess it would be more freedom for me because I will be coming into retirement soon. And I'm just hoping that everything was like in the beginning when I was growing up, it was always my parents, and then as I got married, it was my husband and then my children. Now I've really not really enjoyed my life. I've always had somebody or taking care of somebody or just doing something for somebody else. It'll be finally my time where I can just go outdoors, go hiking, go spend my time outdoors, and just enjoying the beauty of this world, just on my own terms and not having anybody to okay, what time are you gonna be home? What time are you gonna? Yes, how exciting.

SPEAKER_01 8:26

I feel that passion building within you. Yes, I'm ready for it. Yeah, I am ready. So if we have a solo parent listening and they're going through the same experience that that you went through, what advice would you give?

SPEAKER_00 8:38

Never give up because I know when I was going through the same thing, I would be like sometimes you get teary eyes and you're thinking, I can't do this. Yes, you can. Look at your children, the beautiful eyes that they have, the beautiful personality that they have. They're looking up to you. So don't let them down. You can do it. I know it's sometimes you just need a little cry, but also share your struggles with your children. Children are really understandable, and you'll be surprised and amazed what they can under actually understand what you go through. So have them with you all the time and share your thoughts, share your feelings. And if you have to, share your financial struggles as well because they will understand. So don't keep anything secret or hidden from them because this way it's molding them to be independent children as well, so that if they are into that situation where you've been, they know how to handle it because they've watched you. That's some great advice, definitely.

SPEAKER_01 9:32

So, is there a book that's helped you on your journey that you could recommend to our listeners?

SPEAKER_00 9:38

The motivational book, it's nothing to do with my personal life, but it's actually Napoleon Hill's Think and Grow Rich. That's a little bit emotional I can talk straight, motivational because it it got me the idea into going into business and just having another source of income so that I wasn't struggling. I guess you could say that the entrepreneurial bug bit me instead of working for somebody else because you know when your children are sick and then you're running on a clock, you're worried that you know, wish you had some income because you can't take a day off and you gotta put food on the table, and that you can go have rely on something else so that if you do miss work or you do get laid off or you do get fired, or the company lets you go, you can rely on something else. And that way you're at home with your child if he or she is sick.

SPEAKER_01 10:24

That's amazing. I'm sure that's been a great inspiration for your kids as well.

SPEAKER_00 10:28

Did you make them read the book? I did. I don't know if they really read it through or they understood it because they I've tried to read to them when they were younger so that would get into that habit that they do read, but I don't know if it's like books that it's more like stuff on YouTube or like just kind of reading through social media stuff that they can go ahead and read, maybe or even Google like blogs or things like that. Excellent.

SPEAKER_01 10:54

All right. Do you have any wisdom that you'd like to share or anything else? Any tips for uh being a solo parent and managing on your own?

SPEAKER_00 11:02

All I can say is never give up. You know, like it could be raining today, but it'll be sunny tomorrow because of storms that come and go, but the sun will shine at the end, so don't give up.

SPEAKER_01 11:12

Yes, I love that. I agree a hundred percent. This has been such an inspiring conversation. So thank you, Jennifer, for your time and sharing your journey with us. Where can people connect with you or follow you on social media?

SPEAKER_00 11:25

I've got a Facebook page and a Facebook group. It's called Solo Parenting by Jennifer Gill and YouTube as well. I've got it on there, solo parenting. And I've always got videos and I've also got on Amazon, I've got a book. It's called Solo Parenting by Jennifer Gill. It's got a little bit of my story in the beginning, and then it's got a guidebook to help you to maneuver around how it can help you as well.

SPEAKER_01 11:48

Excellent. We'll put go ahead and link those in the show notes below. So thank you again. And if you found this episode helpful, please share it with someone who might be facing a similar challenge of solo parenting and needs to hear this message of hope. So don't forget to subscribe, and I'll see you next time on overcoming anything.