The Break-Up Diet

Dumped Before June, Glowing by July. Single Summer, Here We Come.

• Yasmin Misner and Ilma Shahrene • Season 1 • Episode 40

Share episode

There's something magical about going through a breakup just before summer. The sun shines brighter, days stretch longer, and suddenly you have this incredible opportunity to rediscover yourself without the shadows of winter making everything feel heavier than it already is.

This episode dives into why summer breakups might actually be a blessing in disguise. We explore the stark contrast between healing during warmer months versus the challenging darkness of winter breakups, when family holiday gatherings and early sunsets can make loneliness feel inescapable. The physiological benefits of sunshine – including natural boosts to serotonin and dopamine – create an environment where healing happens more naturally.

Financial independence becomes a crucial focal point of our conversation as we discuss the dangerous power imbalances that can form when one partner controls the finances. While social media often romanticizes arrangements where expenses are covered by a partner, we unpeel the layers of potential emotional manipulation that can lurk beneath the surface of such setups. The journey back to financial self-sufficiency after being accustomed to sharing expenses can be jarring, but ultimately liberating.

We share personal experiences about reclaiming time and space when you're no longer committing hours to commuting for a relationship. Without the constraints of coordinating with a partner, summer offers endless possibilities for spontaneous adventures, connecting with friends, and most importantly, reconnecting with yourself. The freedom to be selective about how you spend your precious time becomes one of the unexpected gifts of single life.

Healing isn't linear, and we emphasize that you don't need to have everything figured out immediately. You can simultaneously miss aspects of your relationship while recognizing it wasn't right for you. This complexity is normal – embracing it rather than fighting against it leads to authentic healing. So grab your sunscreen, call your friends, and embrace the summer as a period of joyful rediscovery. The worst is already behind you, and the sunshine is waiting to work its magic.

Send us a text

Instagram:
@the_breakup_diet

TikTok:
@thebreakupdiet

Email: thebreakupdietpodcast@gmail.com

Ilmz:

all right, hey guys. Welcome back to another episode of the breakup diet.

Yaz:

Summer is here yeah, we're in summer, it's hot girl summer, it's single summer, it's get your freaking act together.

Ilmz:

Summer all of it. It's honestly like I feel like this summer was celebrating personally. For me it's like you're single. Yes, I am single. When your friend is single, just in time for summer, you know it's going to be menacing let's switch it up.

Yaz:

We've been holding back way too much. Welcome to the breakup diet. Yeah, and I feel like, because I'm single and it's been like quite a bit of time now, I finally like sat with it. I've gone through the stages not all the stages maybe, but like a lot of them, you know the worst is over so at least at least that.

Ilmz:

Now I guess it's time to shake ass in the yacht. I mean, I guess.

Yaz:

So oh yes, I don't know if we're ready. I'm kind of worried about like not worried, that's the wrong word but like I'm kind of like it's so yeah, not nervous. It's going to be so weird because before my relationship I was such a different person to who I am now, which is exciting. But it's also like, do I trust myself? I don't know, and not because I'm not going to go sleep with people, that's just not me. But like I mean maybe, but no, not me. But like it's more, I'm just excited to like experience what I'm going to be like.

Ilmz:

Babe, this is like the best version of you. Yet everyone says this about Yaz. Like every time, people like bump into Yaz. After the breakup they're like, oh my gosh, you've got your spark back. You look amazing. Your skin's glowing, your hair's like looking perfect and everything. And the thing is like how lucky are you to have gone through this just before summer yeah, and it was like still in the spring.

Yaz:

It really it. It was a catalyst from our spring episode and it like I thought I was cleaning just for the photo shoot, but nope, I was actually about to get spring cleaned myself, it was basically like a manifesting, a breakup, like you got spring cleaned out of a relationship that just wasn't.

Ilmz:

It's ran its course and it's fine.

Yaz:

It's fine, it's ran its course just before summer. Yeah, that was. It is nice to go through a breakup now, and at least it wasn't winter. Winter is actually a nasty time to break up with someone, because it's dark, it's cold, it's miserable and like it's just horrible. Because then you also have all the family events too, where you have to go to and be like, oh, how's blah, blah, blah, and you're like, oh, it's an ex, we're not together anymore, shit. Whereas like now, I have some like filtering time before it hits Christmas where I get questions about an ex.

Ilmz:

And I honestly think hot weather has healing properties. Yeah, you can't be sad when it's 30 degrees and sunny and you're just like turning upstairs like yeah true, let's actually talk about some of the good things of having a breakup now.

Yaz:

So, yeah, okay, the weather list is endless. Yeah, the weather, but also.

Ilmz:

I think you're just like set free of obligations to other people, if if that makes sense. Relationships can be quite tricky and hard and sometimes when there's finances involved, this is like very personal. I definitely was financially abused and after my breakup I've like had freedom in the fact that my money is my money and I guess I get to have my independence back as well.

Yaz:

Yeah, and then, because now you have your own money, you can do your summer plans that you want to do and you don't have to just pick what they want to do. Maybe I don't like obviously every situation is different, but like I feel like a lot of the time people stay in relationships because they can't like afford to be alone, which is actually such a scary thing, babe.

Ilmz:

Honestly, when you've had everything paid for, that breakup hits crazily because it's like, oh my gosh, so I'm gonna go from saving my entire salary to now, oh, I have to spend 40 of it on the rent alone. How am I gonna save, like, how am I supposed to go out to like restaurants and stuff like that? Yeah, that's so hard.

Yaz:

That's why I honestly preach about financial independence like crazy yeah, and especially if you've had everything like with that person and you've got used to like a certain way to like break that, yeah, it would be hard. You're not just going through a breakup where you have to like rediscover yourself without that person, you also are going through like a financial breakup. Financial breakup, too, where you're, you know, back out in the world alone. I've never had that where I've had all my finances paid for by like a man.

Ilmz:

Yeah, it's. Honestly it's not something that I recommend and I think TikTok and social media in general can be so dangerous with the way they over-glorify the whole like whole, like trad wife, the man getting everything for you, and stuff like what, what trad wife's a traditional wife?

Ilmz:

so you stay at home and then the husband pays for everything. Theoretically it always sounds nice for someone to pay for it, but you will pay for it in return in a very unhealthy emotional way. I've paid my price big time and the shock that I've experienced in like the lifestyle as a single person.

Yaz:

Yeah, expensive and also, yeah, it's just definitely better to not be in that situation. So, if you can help it, don't be in that situation which obviously is easier for me to say right now because I'm be in that situation which obviously is easier for me to say right now because I'm not in that situation. But like, if you can avoid relying solely on one person, definitely always have your wits about you.

Ilmz:

It's funny if you need a boyfriend or a rich man, just be an influencer. You'll have brands sending you cars to go to events. You'll have brands flying you out to different countries for events. You'll have brands sending you flowers almost on a weekly basis. So focus on your career and I promise you it will bear fruit. Hang on, let's stop this for a sec subscribe and follow the breakup diet you don't want to miss another episode okay, so now it's your single summer.

Yaz:

Yes, what are you doing like? Give me some plans.

Ilmz:

I need to know okay, don't like yawn or anything, but I think I'm going to be a bit picky and selective with how I spend my time this summer. I've had a lot of summers where I'm like with all my girlfriends and we're just with like random guys, just because it's like, oh, they're gonna pay for dinner and stuff like that. Like I said, back to the whole money thing, I have my own money. I don't need to hold myself hostage to some boring man for like a 90 pound worth of dinner.

Yaz:

I'm sorry yeah, yeah, don't do it. Don't do it to yourself. But then also, if you want to finesse yourself, a free dinner, all to you, power to you. Lady, it depends what you want to do. I agree, it's like, whatever floats your boat, if you're out here in summer and you want to be like, listen, I want all my stuff paid for and I'm going to finesse my way onto a yacht, we support it, do it. If you're on the other wavelength, like ilma and myself, and you want to pay for your own and you want to, like you know, make their way, maybe I'm gonna do a little bit both. Maybe I'm gonna do a little bit of both it if I like the person.

Ilmz:

Yeah, it boils down to the fact whether I like the group of guys.

Yaz:

If I see them, even just as friends, I'd be like down I feel like that's in summer in general, like you feel like you have to go to things because it's summer, but also you don't yeah I think this summer I want to be a lot more assertive and more confident with the decisions I make.

Ilmz:

okay, so where are you going? What are you doing? Well, I'm going to Saint-Germain next week, which is so exciting. It sucks that our dates are not matching. I wish it was. And then going to Bodrum afterwards with my friend. Yeah, august, I will be around, but if you want to go anywhere in August, okay yeah. Some like simple, soulful girl-like.

Yaz:

I mean I'm not on simple and soulful the wavelength this year. I've been on that wavelength for the last two years.

Ilmz:

I'm going at Ratched that is fine, I'll catch you next summer. I mean we've got New York in autumn so, yeah, chilling.

Yaz:

What am I going to do this summer? I feel like this summer I just want to. I'm not even going to think about boys this summer, actually, like I'm so excited to be completely alone and just living up my best girlfriend's. That sounds weird, but like you know what I mean, like hanging out with my best girlfriends and just like chilling.

Ilmz:

And what's especially exciting for you this summer, I think, is because you actually have time back. You used to spend a lot of your relationship time like commuting back and forth. Now you're going to be like here in one place, like all your friends get to like hang out with you nonstop.

Yaz:

Like you're always just gonna be there. Get lonely, though, because you know when you're, you know when you are in a relationship and then you're spending lots of time out over there and you're commuting a lot. You don't have that much time, so, like you don't get as lonely, whereas, like now, I'm scared when people travel a lot and like not everyone's in london and say I'm not traveling.

Ilmz:

I'm scared that I'm gonna get lonely because it will make the I promise you you will not feel lonely, like there's so much that we've got going on Like apart from the pod. You've got so many friends to see, you've got your family who's like in and out of the country.

Yaz:

Yeah.

Ilmz:

Like I'm not going to have time to be alone. We have so much to do. There's always events in London as well, Like.

Yaz:

Yeah, london as well, like. Yeah, plus also being alone is okay, like honestly, I think it's actually quite nice to really sit with yourself sometimes too.

Ilmz:

It's the best like I'm alone, but I'm never lonely.

Yaz:

It's the best feeling ever yeah, I mean, I've sometimes feel lonely, but not often like I, because I keep myself busy. But I feel like that is one thing. When you are going through a breakup, that's like a shift that people can have, where you do feel really lonely because obviously it hits you.

Yaz:

You've like lost a person that was part of your life, like almost 24 7, for like a long time yeah, so you can feel like extra lonely, but actually all your other friends and your family, they haven't gone anywhere. So you have to like remember that, yeah, I mean, and just because you're feeling like the void of that person, that's fine to feel, but like you know that you're not totally alone.

Ilmz:

The thing is like, over time the void goes smaller and smaller and in summer the void is almost like barely there to not there at all.

Yaz:

Yeah, true, the void grows in the winter. Yeah, that's why we need to go into cuffing season and get cuffed before. That's why we're going go into cuffing season and get cuffed before that's why we're gonna go to New York.

Ilmz:

Yeah, I want to have at least like five sexy investment banking boyfriends. There we go there we go.

Yaz:

Yeah, so summer is actually where it's at, I think so too.

Ilmz:

I think so too. Summer is just the most like. It's so healing, even if you're like out having fun partying and stuff. It is just so healing to have human connection on a different level.

Yaz:

It doesn't have to be this like, I guess, sexual, romantic level yeah, people are more open in summer too to talk to people, like. I'm way more social in summer and like want to do things and want to like speak to people than I am in winter. Even just like my interactions with people on the street in summer, I might smile at them. In winter, there's no fucking way. I'm there like with my headphones on, depressed, whereas summer I might give you a smile. I might, like you know, have some like small talk yeah, so it's.

Ilmz:

It's a great time to be single. I feel like no one should be worried about anything. If you're going through a breakup in the summer or spring, the worst of it is done. I promise you. If you've been broken up, the worst of it is over. Now you just get to have fun, you have your time back, you get to hang out with your friends and your family and feel pretty, enjoy the sun. What a time.

Yaz:

Yeah, get more like cute outfits, cute photos, cute everything. You know what I mean. It's like a nicer time. Definitely, I mean we're going to have to reframe this when we come to winter, because if you are going through a breakup through winter, like we don't want you to feel bad, but like it is definitely worse, like let's not sugarcoat it.

Ilmz:

So the next six months. We're just going to really like strategize what the ultimate winter breakup strategy is.

Yaz:

Yeah.

Ilmz:

Yeah.

Yaz:

Give us time. Yeah, so that one. We need to come back to you, but for now you're okay.

Ilmz:

Now you're okay. It's summer. Get your thong bikini out, let's dance?

Yaz:

Yeah, literally, literally. Have you ever had a breakup in summer?

Ilmz:

Oh, yeah, really, oh my God, yeah, yeah, yeah. My first breakup was in the summer and it was amazing. Literally like a day after he left, my best friends from LA came to visit me. They were with me for the first three weeks and God, we partied hard and then from them I met, like another person who I had a fling with as well. It was so perfect. So I'm telling you like comparing a breakup in summer and winter is like day and night, because my winter breakup I feel like that took me six months to recover and I didn't even recover because I like weaseled my way back to them.

Yaz:

Yeah, and also I feel like in the winter, because it's like dark outside, you just want to be nestled up with somebody and like you don't want to feel like you have to go out and be social, whereas like in the summer, it's so light all the time that even like on a tuesday night, like last night, harry and I were like let's go for a walk. We only went for a walk and went and had some drinks, but like and watched the sunset. It was very romantic, but like that wouldn't happen in winter because it'd be like it's raining, it's dark, it's cold.

Ilmz:

Yeah, yeah, and I think there has to be like a scientific reasoning behind why breakups in the winter hurt even more. Because it's like lack of sun equals like lack of vitamin d, lack of serotonin, lack of dopamine, like it all snowballs into one heavy, heavy, painful burden.

Yaz:

There's no lack of vitamin D in summer. Lots of vitamin D everywhere.

Ilmz:

There is so much of it and it's only going to get more in the summer because of global warming. Okay.

Yaz:

Anyway, back to like financial and not feeling like independent, If you are going through a breakup where you feel like a loss of control, because you already will feel a loss of control. I think like if you, especially if you've been broken up with, don't add another level where it's like you don't have any of your own finances or even anything of your own going on, you know, because then you're just, you're going to be so out of control that you feel trapped. You don't want to feel trapped, Don't ever put yourself in a vulnerable position.

Ilmz:

Always have your job, get your degree, be educated. Be smart about every like decision you make in life.

Yaz:

Don't give anyone the power to basically dangle you yeah, how does somebody even get into that situation? Do you just not realize? And then it happens though. But like I'm asking, but do you just not realize, and then you get so used to like the behaviors of it all and the lifestyle of it all and then it happens, or it do. You.

Ilmz:

Are you kind of aware a little bit no, you're fully aware and you know you basically do kind of sign up for us. So with my situation, I love the fact that he was like young and like super generous at the start and, you know, covered the rent, the bills, everything we lived in, like this gorgeous penthouse and everything. At the start of the relationship he was always like, babe, like you've got all the support from me, like, focus on your dreams, like, you know, quit your job, and stuff like that. But then over time the cracks would kind of reveal itself and he would say stuff like, oh, you wouldn't have all this without me. And I'm like, oh, okay, I can't quit my job, I need to make sure I have my income coming in.

Yaz:

So you weren't fully. You weren't in a situation where you were actually fully, like, dependent on him, because you kept your job too. But it would have been different if you didn't.

Ilmz:

Oh, 100%. But I still felt financial abuse. I was still very much like you know, yeah, and also used to it and also like yeah, and it's such a shock to the system when you go from like not spending anything of your own money to like now I like pretty much live paycheck to paycheck.

Yaz:

I'm used to it now, which is fine but, yeah, it's a massive adjustment and yeah, I got screwed over really badly it's already scary going through a breakup and then to add that on top it's like another thing. Like people it's hard. I think it's actually really hard to break up with somebody like, especially if there isn't like something so black or white, but when is there ever really something?

Ilmz:

so black or white like there's always layers of things but that to add on top, it's such another like intense layer of complexity, because I went from oh my god, how do I pay for rent now? Who do I live with? Can I afford to live by myself? Like oh my god, I'm gonna have to move like slightly outside of London, like what yeah, my whole life's gonna change again.

Yaz:

Yeah, it's like in all the different.

Ilmz:

Yeah, it's not just emotional, it's like literally like a complete new environment. But you got through it, I got through it, and the thing is we all get through it. It's hard in the time, but then, I don't know, months years down the lane, you're like, oh my gosh, I went through it with it's hard in the time, but then, I don't know, months years down the lane, you're like, oh my gosh, I went through it with like I actually did.

Yaz:

Yeah, yeah. And also I think it's important to realize like if you're struggling at the moment or something, you don't have to be like okay, this is the summer, that I'm going to get all my shit sorted straight away. Like stuff. Like stuff takes time too, because I feel like a lot of the time, like on social media and all this, people are like if he's not good enough, leave. If this isn't, do this.

Ilmz:

You know it's very like, but you need time to like process and like heal and like work out what you're gonna do or I don't know, sit with things and I just feel like, in general, advice that you get from social media haha, I know we've got a podcast where we give advice, but the toxic side of tiktoks like that, where you have to realize like those kind of advice they might not apply to you yeah, plus like people that give advice.

Yaz:

But yeah, we're giving advice, but like people that give advice, a lot of the time, especially on social media clips, they are cut so that they're super, super, like tailored yeah and super like do this, do this, because people like listen to it and they might take one of the things, but a lot of the time when you meet the people in general, they're not like that. No, no, no. They're like way more blasé or way more like fluid.

Ilmz:

There's more depth. Yeah, there's definitely way more depth to it in real life, but in social media you're only watching a 10-second clip of a very specific advice for a very specific situation.

Yaz:

Yeah, so you have to take it with a grain of salt and you've got to. Also don't apply everything and don't take it so literally, like you have to take fragments of it but not necessarily the whole thing, and be like stick by it, like you can sway a bit.

Ilmz:

oh my gosh, there's so much room for mobility and growth and different things. Just because you agreed with one thing a couple of months ago, it doesn't mean you have to agree with it now yeah, and you can have different feelings, like you can have more than one feeling for a person at once. I think, oh my, god, I have like 10 million different feelings about all my exes.

Yaz:

Like yeah, and just in general, like one moment I'm annoyed at you. The next moment I'm like but actually, no, not even the next moment. In the same moment I'm like she's amazing. Yeah, oh my god. Yeah, you're like. Yeah, you're not just agreeing with it.

Yaz:

I'm like yeah, but it makes sense like you, can have multiple feelings about the same person so you got to, got to give yourself some grace and you've got to, like, give yourself the flexibility and you don't have to have everything figured out in one hit and by the end of summer you don't have to be transformed into this butterfly. Like you can still have feelings that you did at the start, like obviously we don't want you to harp on like sad emotions because that's but the thing is like progress is always like it's continuing.

Ilmz:

I'm still like learning different things about myself, even though I've been single for like a year and a half like the learnings never end. So just be like patient, don't apply pressure. It's summer, babe, like we're relaxing yeah, we're relaxing.

Yaz:

We're relaxing by pool, wearing some cute outfits, dancing on tables, that type of thing.

Ilmz:

Exactly, and just having the best time with all the people around us.

Yaz:

Yeah, make friends. Make friends over boyfriends, agreed.

Ilmz:

They'll stick by you Definitely Make different types of soulmates this summer. Another thing that's in the summer love island. We're doing reviews every day, of every single episode. I honestly think people are just playing games. It's too obvious now, maybe because the show's been on for so long yeah, but I also think they're quite rowdy. This like this time, yeah, like where do the producers find these men and women? Yeah and women. I'm like wow.

Yaz:

I think they're rowdier than the men Actually. Yeah yeah, I kind of live for it though, like I love reality TV, but I'm like, wow, what a plot twist. Maybe it's because, like women are.

Ilmz:

Yeah, I guess we're like using our voices properly. Yeah, Like we're not putting up with any bs anymore. Yeah, so maybe that's why yeah 100. I have a question for you what do you think of either love island, uk or us? What's better? I?

Yaz:

haven't watched the us one yet, which is a really annoying that I I will, and then I'll tell you what about you oh my gosh, the us, because I see more clips of that.

Ilmz:

It is so much more interesting why, if the plot is plotting there, they say the most unhinged lines like super funny, nothing too controversial or anything, but they are just naturally very funny people yeah, oh, maybe I need to get on that honestly, americans are made for reality tv because they are just hilarious.

Yaz:

I don don't know, but I like English people Like I think they're funny.

Ilmz:

So now I'm like hmm, they have a very different like sense of humour, but it just works. Australia has it too. No, australian one is really good.

Yaz:

Is it Like?

Ilmz:

the first two seasons I watched I was locked in. It's so funny Really, and they are ratchet Like they get into brawls and everything, yeah, and like the security like has to get involved, and like they film the security guys, like pulling the people like away from each other oh god, so I've.

Yaz:

You know what this reminds me of. So I'm worried about me having crash outs of my, like breakup, but like that could be worse, yeah, like having a full-on fight or something or like a crash out then Wow, yeah, wow.

Ilmz:

Reality TV is actually you're not like people for the week. You have to have like the thickest skin. You have to be a tough person through and through, because not only are you dealing with stuff inside the villa, outside, the criticism when you get out, Like yeah, it's hard, and also the logistics, especially as a woman Like I'm going to get TMI, but what about periods? What about Inger and her? What about, like what if you have a UTI?

Yaz:

Yeah, I don't know Also, just like, what about doing something like embarrassing, just in general, and then you really don't want that to be shown, and they show you that I don't know. Imagine how awkward that would be. I'm just like I don't know if I can be in a thong bikini every day for six weeks I could never, ever no shade towards love island, but I'm far too self-conscious to and not having any control over that to be able to walk around in the bikini and just be filmed from like every angle yeah yeah, nah, nah like these are some confident, secure people also the challenges, like I would, and they don't do it with the drinking loads, obviously, so like I would do all that sober like the heart rate challenge that I just don't think I could like.

Yaz:

These people are braver than the army in love island when they're doing the challenges and they're like slipping and sliding with their thong bikinis on and like little bikini tops. I'm like how do you not lose a boob?

Ilmz:

like. Surely there has to be some malfunctions yeah, like surely not for us, not for us civilians. This hot girl, summer guys, we're hollywood, taping it up everything. If you don't feel like wearing a thong bikini, you don't have to, because there's no camera zooming up your butt, yeah, and we're not gonna be there with, like, our big ass bikinis yeah, our modesty, like boy leg shorts and a tankini.

Yaz:

Thank you very much. Do you think any of them have had like breakups before they've gone on the show?

Ilmz:

well, we made a tiktok about a couple, didn't we? And then, oh my gosh, okay, so the tiktok that we made. I'm not gonna name names just yet, but one of her exes commented did you see? No, yeah, on our tiktok, babe, on our tiktok, on our tiktok. One of her exes commented, being like she was always a career driven person, she broke up with me, for the pursuit of career like this is something that she would do oh, what a boss bitch.

Yaz:

I was gonna say like good for her, like get the bag like now is the time to get the bag.

Ilmz:

Don't be held back by anyone, sorry to the ex, but like next, yes, and by next we mean a bag, yeah, multiple bags like jesus.

Yaz:

Yeah, babe, that is that is giving me some motivation. Yeah, that is how we're gonna end this episode. Boss, bitch, energy, single error. Finesse your way and don't let any boys get you fucking sad.

Ilmz:

That is how we do hot girl summer here in the Breakup Diet.

People on this episode

Head Shot

Ilma Shahrene

Co-host
Head Shot

Yasmin Misner

Co-host