Leveraging Leadership

Effective Event Networking for Introverts: Enjoy Building Connections Without The Stress

• Emily Sander • Season 1 • Episode 165

Share episode

Emily Sander introduces Rob Giardinelli, an introvert with a long career in the tech industry, who has attended over 2000 networking events and founded Event Mindset to help others with similar experiences. Giardinelli offers specific strategies for introverts, like starting conversations by asking "What brings you here tonight?" and finding conversations at the bar line or during event activities. He also emphasizes introverts' value at events and shares tactics for gracefully exiting conversations and engaging with event hosts.

Links Mentioned:


Free Resources:

 

Get in Touch With Emily:

 

Who Am I?

If we haven’t yet before - Hi👋 I’m Emily, Chief of Staff turned Executive Leadership Coach. After a thrilling ride up the corporate ladder, I’m focusing on what I love - working with people to realize their professional and personal goals. Through my videos here on this channel, books, podcast guest spots, and newsletter, I share new ideas and practical and tactical tools to help you be more productive and build the career and life you want. 

 

Time Stamps:

00:00 Introduction to Rob Giardinelli
01:04 Initial Reactions to Networking Events
02:29 Transition and Personal Growth
04:56 Understanding the Value of Events
06:45 Creating Event Mindset
10:46 Practical Tips for Introverts at Events
19:25 Effective Openers for Any Conversation
20:16 Engaging with the Event Host
23:08 Building Confidence as an Introvert
25:51 Navigating Networking Events with a Partner
28:32 Gathering Intelligence at Events
32:46 Graceful Exits from Conversations
34:45 Final Thoughts and Contact Information

emily-sander_1_09-18-2024_120253:

Our guest today is Rob Giardinelli, an introvert with 16 years in the technology industry. He has attended over 2000 business and networking events. Through his experience he's founded Event Mindset to help others make a positive impact and enjoy events without needing to be the life of the party. Rob, welcome to the show.

rob-giardinelli_1_09-18-2024_140253:

I'm thrilled to be here, Emily. Thank you so much for having me.

emily-sander_1_09-18-2024_120253:

So as a fellow introvert, when I hear things like social event or networking event or conference, part of me like runs for the hills and I'm like, Nope, I'm not going to that. I'm going to be sick that day. I don't think I can attend. So sorry. And that's what comes up. So you were in this corporate career where you had to go to these events at the beginning. So in the beginning, what was your reaction to these types of events?

rob-giardinelli_1_09-18-2024_140253:

Probably what yours was, um, gosh, do I really have to do this? Um, you know, it, it's interesting. My challenge with when I was in the tech industry and went to events was I never really understood why I was at the events 98 percent of the time, there wasn't really like a purpose. And I think that's one of the reasons that a lot of people dread going to events is no a lot of people go. of either on the fly, or they're not giving information, or they're not edified, or they wind up being seated next to someone they shouldn't be seated next to, and it winds up being this really painful experience for them. And that was my, you know, initial, you know, for the first, before I met my now husband, the first decade, you know, I attended these types of events several times a month, and they were always uh, Painful, whether it was, you know, a business meal or whether it was a conference or whatever it was, they were not a lot of the time they were not pleasant experiences.

emily-sander_1_09-18-2024_120253:

Yeah. Yeah. For sure. I feel you there. So how did you go from that to, um, helping other people? I suppose you maybe helped yourself first. Like, okay, how do I kind of reset, reframe? How do I, if I'm going to go to these a couple of times a month, which is a lot, you know, how do I make these less painful or almost enjoyable experiences?

rob-giardinelli_1_09-18-2024_140253:

So in 2010, I met my now husband and my husband had a very, has a very different career from what I had at the time. And he's run luxury lifestyle publications for the last 20 years or so. his background was to go to these types of events and he was going to the types of events that, you know, Would raise a million dollars. Everyone was well dressed. There was a purpose. There was a program. Lots of money was raised although, you know all those really good and important things and It was kind of my first taste into a world, you know when I met him I'll never forget we were together maybe four weeks and he was like get your tux ready We got we meds warehouse and buy one Like I get it turned around in three days and go out the door I mean, you know, so I certainly did not have the tools at the time to go about doing that but I realized something pretty early on as an introvert is People really like to talk about themselves and I guess because I was an event that was Equal parts business and social because yes, you're in the business to raise money for an organization but you're also there to socialize and the combination of those two things really made me understand that an Introvert was actually a strength because a good event is like earth On Earth, you need the right amount of oxygen for people to survive. So if you walk into a room and there's a hundred introverts, there's not enough oxygen in the room. And if you've got, you know, a beautiful plant, that beautiful plant does not have the oxygen to survive. At the same time, if you've got a hundred extroverts in a room, you have too much oxygen. And we know what happens when you put too much oxygen in a compressed space, it becomes this big explosion and it winds up not being a good situation for, you know,

emily-sander_1_09-18-2024_120253:

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

rob-giardinelli_1_09-18-2024_140253:

I was basically. Still in tech and I was going to these, you know, going and flying all over cause I had regional, national, and sometimes even global roles. So I go all over the place, go to those types of things during the week and then come home, throw on a tux and our publications regional. So I'm Austin based. So. I would go home and I'd throw in a tux, but sometimes I wouldn't even go to an event in Austin. I'd have to go to Dallas or I'd have to go to Houston or San Antonio or any of these other cities. And the longer I did it, the less patience I had for professional business meals, because I just saw how badly or how poorly they were run. And thankfully in that my husband had actually asked me, To write about them. So, you know, a big part of his, his publications was chronicling these events. So I majored in communications in college and I used it, you know, for sales, not really for the written word. So it's not like I didn't, I came into it with. Zero credentials whatsoever. I at least had a background in it and knew how to, you know, construct a story. So writing about them from the guest's point of view. So my job is to chronicle the guest experience into what makes a great event and why people go to this event and why it's so great and why people go to it over and over and over again. So after about four years, like that last year I was in tech, I would sometimes stay in different cities. That night to get out of going to meals. So like if it, if I had a meeting in New York, I take the train and go to Philadelphia or Boston and stay there overnight to get out of going to them. And then in 2015, I finally transitioned out of that. And then, you know, once COVID hit, I think everyone kind of was, had their existential, you know, What do I do now? Sort of sort of situation. And for me, it was, you know, what, you know, what do I have that nobody else has? And I had this corporate background and then access, you know, for over a decade at that point to kind of this world. Most people don't really see. But I also saw. I would go to those social events or those nonprofit events, a lot of business was transacted at. So not only were, you know, was money being made, but also very valuable and important connections were being made a business perspective and a social perspective. So what I decided to do coming out of it was how do I help people like myself, you know, especially because a lot of people, if you had social anxiety in 2019, And it was an 8. It was probably an 18 by, you know, 2022 and even people I knew that were really rusty, really, really good at events were rusty coming out of coven. So what I wanted to do was put together a practice where I could help people overcome that anxiety, that awkwardness and really empower them to be. best version of themselves at their events and that they could be themselves at an event and really help people realize You don't have to be the life of the party to be successful at them. In fact needed introverts you're needed at you're needed at parties and you're needed at social events because those extroverts need people to talk to and you can absorb the energy that they're giving and You know, you know Like I think I had said earlier, I really realized about six months in to going to events. That's secret. I didn't articulate it until probably 10 years later, but there was that whole, um, that whole thing of we would go to an event and sometimes we go to two or three or four in a night and. would be in the car going from one place to another. And my husband would ask me, well, what did you learn at this, you know, at this event? And I'd be like, I learned this, this, this, like I would list all these things. They'd be like, we were there 45 minutes. How did you do that? And I just realized that I asked questions. I actively listened and I engaged in eye contact. And those three things allow people to open up about themselves, because people do love to talk about

emily-sander_1_09-18-2024_120253:

Yeah.

rob-giardinelli_1_09-18-2024_140253:

is a universal truth.

emily-sander_1_09-18-2024_120253:

Okay. So you unpacked a lot there. So basically you were going to these different types of events for a while and you saw this huge like compare contrast. These tech ones are very transactional and I try to avoid them. These kind of almost gala like events you were describing are much more organized, have an objective, um, have a, have a structure to them. And then it sounds like, you know, yeah. In, in a, in a conference or a networking event, um, there's a lot of business being done. So there's a lot of positive connections you can make and relationships you can build. But for introverts, you have to kind of understand that you add something and there's these very tactical things that you can do in terms of like interacting with people, which I definitely want to dig into. But is that kind of recap kind of bring us to where we are today?

rob-giardinelli_1_09-18-2024_140253:

That was a perfect summation of that.

emily-sander_1_09-18-2024_120253:

Okay. So I do want to get into that. Cause like for introverts listening, I'm like literally for me, I'm interested. What were the like three or four things you mentioned at the very end? There's like eye contact and something else.

rob-giardinelli_1_09-18-2024_140253:

yeah, so eye contact, ask questions, and engage in active listening.

emily-sander_1_09-18-2024_120253:

Okay, sure.

rob-giardinelli_1_09-18-2024_140253:

do those three things and you will, like, there are things that people have told me over the years, That they have no business telling me, you know, and it's, you know, part of what I do is I don't, I don't engage in gossip. I just write objectively what happened. So I may know this information, but I'm not sharing this information broadly. So a lot of it is if people are going to volunteer about information. You also have to have that filter of what do I share with my management? What do I share with my team and what do I keep to myself just because it may be inappropriate or it may be all those other things, or it may be a conflict of interest, especially if you're in like financial services or

emily-sander_1_09-18-2024_120253:

And so that those pieces are, um, like maybe in the debrief of like, Hey, how did the conference grow type of thing? You're, you're censoring and filtering appropriately for someone who's like, Rob, I'm not going to listen to you. I have to go to these events. Like I, I, part of my job is to go to these conferences and I hate them and I'm an introvert and a room full of people is like my worst nightmare. What are some things you would say to that person to like, Hey, the, here's, here's how you could reframe that since you, since you need to go to these things.

rob-giardinelli_1_09-18-2024_140253:

So when you have to do that, I always equate it to people entering a swimming pool. So if you're an intro, so an extrovert is going to do a cannonball into the deep end.

emily-sander_1_09-18-2024_120253:

Yeah, they're going to flip off the diving board.

rob-giardinelli_1_09-18-2024_140253:

Exactly. They may do a backflip. It is, you know, an introverted extrovert. And I always think of introversion and extroversion as a spectrum. So no one's really a true introvert or a true extrovert. They're somewhere in between, but introverts are more. I'm going to walk you through. down the pool steps into the pool, step by step by step and gradually get in there. And I have found that the best way to do that, cause there's still to this day, there'll be rooms I go into on occasion and I don't know anybody. So what I do as an introvert is I scan. So I will, first I will scan the room, then I will find, and what I'll find is the bar. So I'll find where all the bars are and I'll pick the bar or if it's a smaller event with like a buffet line, I'll pick the place that has the longest line.

emily-sander_1_09-18-2024_120253:

Oh,

rob-giardinelli_1_09-18-2024_140253:

And I will go there. And what I will do is I will talk to the person either in front of me or behind me. So it's a great way to get acclimated. You probably have no idea who they are. And just start with the simple, what brought you here tonight? Because everyone's got something in common because you're there. And everyone got there for a reason. And engaging, all it has to be is small talk. I will tell you for every 50 times I've done, I've probably done it a couple of hundred times. There's maybe a handful of times where I've taken that, gotten that person's contact information. A lot of it is just engaging in small talk to give yourself a little bit more confidence throughout the night. And to me, a beverage is a great anchor, whether you, whether it's got alcohol in it or it doesn't, it's a good anchor for you because, you know, if you feel tense, you know, you can rest it on your hand and you kind of know That's kind of your attention point. There's a lot of stuff you can do with a glass help anchor you and make you feel more comfortable.

emily-sander_1_09-18-2024_120253:

wow. I've never heard that one. Find the longest line and then ask what brought you here. That's very simple. But yet at almost any event, you can go do that. So I love that. Um, and then the glass piece, which is kind of like a nice accessory and, or if it has alcohol in it, it might help you calm down. Um,

rob-giardinelli_1_09-18-2024_140253:

you're dry, you know, get the mocktail, get a diet Coke, get a, you know, get a water with a splash of cranberry

emily-sander_1_09-18-2024_120253:

Yeah, I get like club soda and a lime and it works great sometimes when I'm like, I'm not going to drink. Um, so I love your pool analogy as well. So if like the line is like the first couple steps in the pool, is there a, is there something afterwards that you can do to like fully wade in?

rob-giardinelli_1_09-18-2024_140253:

that's a good question. So what I would actually do is the next thing I would do is look around and see if there's an experiential activation at it. And companies have really started to do this much more in the last five or 10 years. Do the activation because the activation is probably going to be on some level of fun. And especially even if you're an introvert, you'll find something probably a little bit fun about that. It'll make your, make you feel a little bit better about yourself. In doing that. So look for that next. If you, you know, after you found the bar, especially if it's right in there and often the longest line is that is the bar nearest the entrance. You know, it's one of those where I've been to enough events to know. If I know a lot of people in there, I'm going nowhere near the bar in the front. I'm going to go to the one of the ones in the back because there's going to be no line and I'll have a beverage and a beverage and a half by the, before the people at the front bar even get their beverage. So, you know, it's understanding and realizing those things.

emily-sander_1_09-18-2024_120253:

Yeah, I remember, um, where was I? I think it was in South Africa or Singapore, one of these places I went for work. And it was like this outdoor kind of like tiki, bar, like little hut things we had. And then their event, their activity was this huge like surf. Uh, wall where you could go and you were, it would simulate surfing, but people would go on there. I did not do that, but you could go watch and it was an easy thing to like, you have your attention on some things. You're not like face to face with someone in like silence. You're like talking about, Oh my gosh, like, look at that. Oh my gosh, that was a good one. And it was just an easy way to kind of be part of something together.

rob-giardinelli_1_09-18-2024_140253:

Absolutely. And you can turn to the next person next to you and just say, wow, that's

emily-sander_1_09-18-2024_120253:

Yeah.

rob-giardinelli_1_09-18-2024_140253:

And sometimes you don't even have to say anything. You can just kind of look at each other and kind of do that. And, but you're engaging, you know, and, you know, it's funny because, and there's been studies on this. Only 8 percent of communication are the words you actually

emily-sander_1_09-18-2024_120253:

Mm hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

rob-giardinelli_1_09-18-2024_140253:

to somebody else with the other 92%. And that's another way that you can kind of you know, gradually go into the pool is realize that words are only 8 percent of that. You can do those other things by a look across the room or a look at that was interesting. You know, and I think we've all been in those corporate events where it's like, should that really be happening, but it does. And they happen all the time. You know, you just, you, you, you know, it's. I've learned to just go with it. Like I've pretty much learned to be shockproof. And part of the reason I think I do get invited back is I don't want to say I have a good poker face, but I understand that there are things that are going to be outside of my control at them. I'm going to let them happen. And I found that most of the time, the only, the only time that I really remember when something bad happens is if someone else makes a big deal about it, particularly a person that the bad thing. If you just move on from it, most people won't remember that or bring, keep it in their

emily-sander_1_09-18-2024_120253:

Yeah.

rob-giardinelli_1_09-18-2024_140253:

They'll just eventually go on with their evening.

emily-sander_1_09-18-2024_120253:

Yeah, so if something bad happens, like be the one to kind of move the conversation or move the attention along. Um, so is there, so you kind of wade into the pool, you find the line, you got the drink in the hand. Are there any other tips in terms of like body language and how you show up and how you engage where like, okay, now I want to move to a more meaningful conversation. Are there any like tips about that where you sit down with someone and you start that part of the conversation?

rob-giardinelli_1_09-18-2024_140253:

Well, one, your energy has to be open. You have to show up like you want to be there. it, It's an energy. I've gone to enough events now that I kind of know walk up to somebody within three seconds, I'll know how open their energy is. And I'll be like, you know what? Lovely. I'll get out of it as quickly as possible. Say lovely to see you and go on, you know, go on with my, you know, with my day. And what I would say, if you're an introvert. Walk up and it's basically kind of that same question that you asked, you know, when you were in the long line at the bar, that's one of the reasons why you do it is you get practice with somebody else. You realize it's not so bad and you walk up to some, you know, to somebody else with that. What I would do is if there's, you know, a cocktail table and there's someone at it by themselves, Go up, you know, grab, grab a piece of food, you know, grab because there'll usually be some sort of buffet Even if you don't eat it or plan on eating it You can rest it there and you can introduce yourself to that person and that's another way that you can acclimate To you know to you know to a situation in a way that's not Overwhelming and you're not walking up to two people that are, you know, that are already talking, which, you know, that's, that's challenging. And that's its own that's its own advanced set of, um, five dimensional calculus, let's just call it, um, to do

emily-sander_1_09-18-2024_120253:

I've heard I've heard. So if we go with the scenario of like you find the person who's like standing alone at the at the cocktail table. Um, I've heard this tactic and it sounded cool. And I was like, could I really do this in real life? And it was you introduce yourself and you say like a fun fact basically about yourself. Because if you're like, Hi, I'm Emily. And if you have another person who's like, Hi, I'm Rob, How are you? Good. Good. How are you doing? Yeah. Pretty good. Like instead they would suggest it like, say, hi, I'm Emily. I love the Seattle Seahawks. And it's like, Oh my gosh. Like, okay. Like, Oh, I don't like football or, Oh, my team is, you know, the Broncos or whatever. It just gets that conversation started. So the person I was listening to was like, come up with some go to like things you can just toss out there.

rob-giardinelli_1_09-18-2024_140253:

Absolutely. You can do that. The reason I always default to what brings you here tonight is because that's what you have in

emily-sander_1_09-18-2024_120253:

Yes.

rob-giardinelli_1_09-18-2024_140253:

if you say, I love the Seattle Seahawks and you're not a football follower. conversation is going to kind of end right there. That's kind of why I always start with the broadest question possible. at a professional event, because you just never know what people like or don't like, and that's kind of as you have a more extended conversation, find out those things. But that way, you're certain to start with something that you have in common, and that is whatever reason brought each of you into that space.

emily-sander_1_09-18-2024_120253:

Yeah. And I liked that one. So you use that just as your opener across the board for any, uh, conversation. In the line, cocktail party.

rob-giardinelli_1_09-18-2024_140253:

absolutely. You know, what brings you here is a really,

emily-sander_1_09-18-2024_120253:

Yeah.

rob-giardinelli_1_09-18-2024_140253:

really good one to use. Now, if I know somebody just cause I've seen them on social media, I may start with something else

emily-sander_1_09-18-2024_120253:

Okay.

rob-giardinelli_1_09-18-2024_140253:

it'll be, I saw you at XYZ or I saw that you

emily-sander_1_09-18-2024_120253:

Yes.

rob-giardinelli_1_09-18-2024_140253:

or I saw that you did that. But by and large, unless if I've never seen them before, that's always going to be my default

emily-sander_1_09-18-2024_120253:

Okay. I like that a lot. So how, like, if you're an introvert and you're going into the, uh, into one of these things and you're like, it's not my cup of tea, but you know, I'm here. I want to be a good guest. I want to like, not like just cross my arms and be like, I hate everything about this. When can I go? And like exude that energy. Um, how can you at least go in there and say like, no, I was a good guest. I participated. I was there. Yeah.

rob-giardinelli_1_09-18-2024_140253:

So one thing that you can do is find whoever the event host is And that will set you 50 steps above everybody else. That's one of the things that I You know, I work with my clients on We work on kind of an engagement strategy with the host and how you want to engage with them. Because it shocks me how infrequently people will find an event guest or event host. It's, you know, they put in lots of work, lots of effort. And especially if you're, you know, if you're there for one of your clients. You're gonna stand out in a really positive way and all you're all with something as simple as hello Thank you for having me. It's wonderful to be here And a lot of the time what will happen is a good host will be like well Is there anyone I can introduce you to?

emily-sander_1_09-18-2024_120253:

Okay.

rob-giardinelli_1_09-18-2024_140253:

Then they will introduce you to somebody else. But you're creating that opportunity because you extended that kindness to the event host. They're going to extend it back to you if they're a good host. Now, a not good host won't do that. And there have been plenty of not good hosts that have not done that for me over the years, but a lot have. And it allows, it really allows that anxiety to slowly melt away. You can almost think of it like, you know, like snow. As you know, if a temperature goes above freezing, it just slowly melts away. And if you kind of treat it that way as more of a gradual thing, those are all, you know, what we've talked about so far, those are all gradual steps where you can make that happen.

emily-sander_1_09-18-2024_120253:

And it's kind of like you have like a behind the scenes, like you're talking to the host of the events. They know kind of like what's what and who's who and where everything is. And it might be like, I really like I really liked your setup over here. Compliment something you like about the event. Um, and then maybe, you know, They might tell you like, yeah, we actually have this thing over here. Not a lot of people are doing that yet, but there's this thing over here. It's like, Oh, I didn't know that. Let me go try that. Might be like a discussion point as well.

rob-giardinelli_1_09-18-2024_140253:

Absolutely. And the other thing that I found is a lot of the times the host will be by the entrance. So it's one of those things that, you know, and if you're at an industry event and you know, some of the people, but you really don't know them. One contact will turn into two will turn into four and there have been times where I've shown up in an event and it will take me 30 minutes to get past like the entrance because the host will introduce me as somebody I'll talk to them for a few minutes and then someone else that I know will come up and say hello and it just winds up almost feeding off of things and if people see that you want to be there you People will be drawn to you. And that's something, you know, I was never invited to any of the cool parties in high school. I threw parties where no one came. So it's, it's not like it's something that can't be learned, but the wanting to be there and the showing up that you want to be there is so incredibly important.

emily-sander_1_09-18-2024_120253:

Yeah. So if someone's listening to that and going, okay, I get that. Cause people pick up on energy. I kind of accept that it can be a learned skill. Um, but they're like, if I were to say that to myself, it would be a lie. So if I'm like, I'm happy to be here, this is my favorite thing to do. How do you actually. How do you actually like make one of these events fun for someone who historically just like, I, I want to avoid these things. That's my first strategy is to avoid the conferences.

rob-giardinelli_1_09-18-2024_140253:

So you do little things to give yourself confidence. And for me, and I did not realize this until I started going to social events. I wear pocket squares now. I wear belts now. I have, you know, I'm not a watch wearer, but I know plenty of people that are wear something that says I've got personality. And when you do that, you're revealing something about yourself. And there are so many, you know, especially. I can sense an introvert, now introvert to introvert, I can sense one. What I'll do is, if I see that they're wearing a nice pocket square or they have great earrings or they've got a great watch or whatever, I'll be like, tell me where you got, like I'll go up and my first thing will be like, you know, tell me where you got this watch or tell me where you got this Gucci pocket square, you know, whatever it is that, you know. You're making that other person feel seen and whether you're an introvert or not Everyone wants to be seen in some way shape, even if you don't want to be there You still want to be seen, you know There's that little small part of you that wants to be seen but that way you're showing

emily-sander_1_09-18-2024_120253:

Yeah.

rob-giardinelli_1_09-18-2024_140253:

you're showing you you're showing Who you are you're showing that you're confident and you're confident enough to walk up to somebody and be like, hey I'm a person I really love that. You know, tell me about where you got

emily-sander_1_09-18-2024_120253:

Yeah. I like the question of tell me about where you got that versus I like your earrings, which is pretty cool. It's totally fine and, and better than nothing a lot of the times, but, and I also like all the things you mentioned are things that they chose. So it's not like, um, I love, I love your eyes. Like that would be a little bit awkward to say anyway, but it's like that they can't change that. That was just like my mother gave them to me type of thing. Whereas I did choose my watch and I did choose these earrings and I did choose, you know, all these things. So you're complimenting something they decided on, which I think is, uh, A good a good way to go to something you mentioned earlier, which was you usually know a couple people at a networking event. And I used to go gravitate toward the people I know, which is not the point of a networking event. Um, and it would take me like, okay, I'm going to go stand by Dave and Dave is who I know. So I'm going to just kind of tag along with him and then I'll kind of break out eventually. But the whole point is to meet people is meet is to meet new people. So how would you encourage people to do that? Transcribed

rob-giardinelli_1_09-18-2024_140253:

So if you're a duo, are another duo is going to come up and talk to the two of you. And when that happens, that's a good opportunity to split off. So what usually happens, especially in a loud room, is if four of you are talking, You're going to wind up talking to one of the two people more than the other, just because it's loud and

emily-sander_1_09-18-2024_120253:

Yeah.

rob-giardinelli_1_09-18-2024_140253:

need to focus a little bit, use that as the opportunity to kind of pair off a little bit. And I can't tell you, you know, cause my husband and I, yeah, we, we do go to a lot of things together. I can't tell you how many times over the years I have lost him through that, through that splitting up thing. I'll turn around and be like,

emily-sander_1_09-18-2024_120253:

Where did he go?

rob-giardinelli_1_09-18-2024_140253:

idea where he is and he'll save a save with me and I won't see him for another half hour. And that's completely fine. So, you know, it's, but also when you turn around and you see that they're not there, you're like, I had this whole conversation by myself. I didn't think, and that was kind of how I built confidence was I didn't rely on my husband. I just went. And did it. And I did it by myself. He left. He saw I was having fun. He saw that I was enjoying myself enough that he didn't need to rescue me, quote unquote. And, you know, it allowed the evening to continue. I was more confident. And what also often happens is, is that, you know, another person may come up and it gives yourself a chance to introduce yourself to another person, even if they're meeting The other person, allows you the ability and opportunity to just get more practice in saying, hello, it's nice to meet you. What brought you here tonight?

emily-sander_1_09-18-2024_120253:

Yeah. And as you were just talking about that, it was, um, I would love when someone would come up who was clearly an extrovert, like they would just carry the conversation. I was like, Oh, thank goodness. Because now that I can give like head nods and like a nonverbal cue and they will just carry this whole thing. And so back to your comment about, you know, you need an extrovert, you need an introvert. They, they carry both parts of a conversation. So there's, those people will. Gravitate towards you. And even if you're sitting there and you're, you're not saying too much, but you're clearly present and engaged and you're like smiling and laughing and nodding and getting it, they feed off of that as well.

rob-giardinelli_1_09-18-2024_140253:

They do because a lot of extroverts, you know, if you're really engaged and they're a really interesting person. Now there's extroverts that. I can't wait to get away from, but there are some that are really fascinating people and you're just like, Oh my God, that is so cool. Share more, tell

emily-sander_1_09-18-2024_120253:

Yeah. Mm hmm.

rob-giardinelli_1_09-18-2024_140253:

know, because they want to share. And it's almost like you're holding court for them and extroverts sometimes crave that or need that or want that. And you're giving that to them you're not having to share, but you're getting information, especially if you're an introvert. I actually work with companies and I actually. We'll often ask them, who are your introverts?

emily-sander_1_09-18-2024_120253:

Hmm.

rob-giardinelli_1_09-18-2024_140253:

they're the ones I want to send to industry events because industry events are more about gathering intelligence and introverts going to do a much better job of that than an extrovert is and you know, while you know, extra while introverts may be horrified by that, a good leader is going to realize this is a way I can develop this professional like 50 company and basically you. Said that they were a learn, you know, a learned extrovert, meaning they're an introvert by trade, but they got development coaching and, you know, encouragement from their leaders along the way that they became, you know, kind of became one on TV.

emily-sander_1_09-18-2024_120253:

I like that. I like that phrase. Um, and yeah, and I always have to explain people like when they hear, Oh, you're an introvert. So you don't like people. No, no, no, no, no, no. I love people. I just need to recharge by myself. And that's like a difference. Um, so like my mother was a, was an extrovert. She would make friends on planes and trains in lines at Starbucks, like whatever, because she would make new friends everywhere she went. And she would get energy from interacting with people. Yeah. I would love to meet new people, especially if they were interesting. I would just need to go like watch TV or read a book or go for a walk by myself afterward, but I loved meeting people.

rob-giardinelli_1_09-18-2024_140253:

Okay, you said the word interesting. So there's 1 saying that for it applies to everybody, but introverts take take note here in order to be interesting. You have to be interested. And if you're interested, the extroverts will. Introduce you to other people because you're listening, you're engaging, you're asking questions and if someone else comes up, an extrovert loves to connect people so they will connect you with whoever comes up to them next

emily-sander_1_09-18-2024_120253:

Yeah

rob-giardinelli_1_09-18-2024_140253:

that, you know, again, as I've talked about many times, you know, during, during our time together today, that confidence building and that's yet another thing of confidence that this charismatic person enough of

emily-sander_1_09-18-2024_120253:

Yeah.

rob-giardinelli_1_09-18-2024_140253:

going to introduce me, me to this other person. And, you know, it's all those little things that you really do, you know, you go to those enough, and there are people here, I'm sure of it, are listening that have gone to the same conference five or six or seven times. Imagine that you went up and you were listening to that charismatic person and you've got introduced to two or three different people. In 10 minutes, and that's happened to me many times over the years, and it allows kind of your eat, you know, your night, your evening, and it makes the time most importantly, especially if you're an introvert, it makes the time go. So,

emily-sander_1_09-18-2024_120253:

So, um, if you get into that conversation where like they're talking and it's interesting and you got like an engaging one, um, how do you like tilt the conversation with like almost one question or comment to, you know, you are there to gather intelligence. You are there to. Do some business, you know, do some business, uh, together or see if it would make sense to do business together. How do you kind of go from, you know, what brought you here tonight, all the way to being interested in nodding and being engaged with that extroverted person to like tilting the conversation. Like, tell me about this part.

rob-giardinelli_1_09-18-2024_140253:

usually, like I said, people like to volunteer a lot about themselves. So what I do, what I did initially, and I still do it. More often than I care to admit today is someone will talk for five minutes. I'll remember the first thing that I really wanted to ask a question about three, four or five minutes ago. That they talked about in their response. And especially if it's relevant to the intelligence that you want to gather, what's the first thing that they said, keep that question in the back of your mind, wait for a natural pause, then ask that question. And they'll be like, Oh yeah, I talked to, I completely glossed and it gives them something new to

emily-sander_1_09-18-2024_120253:

Yes.

rob-giardinelli_1_09-18-2024_140253:

And they'll go into detail about that specific

emily-sander_1_09-18-2024_120253:

Hmm. Okay. Okay. So just hold that in the back of your head for a natural pause.

rob-giardinelli_1_09-18-2024_140253:

then, and then that way you're not, cause introverts often struggle with, Oh God, what am I going to say next? That's your way of saying. know what I'm going to say next, so I'm just going to take in more information. I'll just remember this one thing I want to talk about, but so long as I remember that one thing, I'm going to be completely fine

emily-sander_1_09-18-2024_120253:

Yeah.

rob-giardinelli_1_09-18-2024_140253:

because I know what I'm going to say

emily-sander_1_09-18-2024_120253:

Yeah.

rob-giardinelli_1_09-18-2024_140253:

it's going to give me more information.

emily-sander_1_09-18-2024_120253:

I love it. Okay. Last question for you. So we talked about if you have someone interesting and engaging, what happens if you don't? And you're like, I would like to exit this conversation as soon as humanly possible.

rob-giardinelli_1_09-18-2024_140253:

So there's, there's, um, There's lots of different ways to do that. And I actually have a lead magnet on my site called, um, six ways to gracefully exit any

emily-sander_1_09-18-2024_120253:

Yes.

rob-giardinelli_1_09-18-2024_140253:

where we talk about this, you know, what I often will do is look at your drink. If your drink is watered down or whatever, use that as the opportunity to be like, I'm going to go get my, you know, I'm going to go refresh my drink. It was really, really nice to meet you. That's all you really have to do. Because at the end of the day, if you're at a networking event in particular, you really shouldn't be talking to anybody longer than five to 10 Anyway, so really, regardless of who you're talking to kind of keep that in mind is you may be an introvert, but people are there to network. So as an introvert, that's the good away away. An introvert can be a great guess is that they're confident enough in themselves that they can end the conversation. And allow that other person to network.

emily-sander_1_09-18-2024_120253:

gotcha. Okay. So use the drink. Is there like one other that if someone doesn't have something in their hand to go, Oh, I

rob-giardinelli_1_09-18-2024_140253:

you know, if you go with a colleague, say, you know, I've got to go find, you know,

emily-sander_1_09-18-2024_120253:

Ah,

rob-giardinelli_1_09-18-2024_140253:

find my colleague. It's very nice to meet you or, you know, and especially if you're going, you know, and I know what a lot of conferences like, you know, I was in the tech industry. So CES is a thing where you might have to go to three things at a night. I've got to go to my next event. It was really nice to chat

emily-sander_1_09-18-2024_120253:

yeah.

rob-giardinelli_1_09-18-2024_140253:

they're all things you don't have to lie. But those are all very, those are all things that you can do. Those three things you can, you can find truth in one of the

emily-sander_1_09-18-2024_120253:

Yes. And I mean,

rob-giardinelli_1_09-18-2024_140253:

percent of instances,

emily-sander_1_09-18-2024_120253:

even with a comment like I need to go check on a colleague that could mean a myriad of different things. Like I need to go check by text or email or just check if they're over in this direction over here across the room. So I think that's a really good, uh, go to go to statement to say, um, Rob, this has been fantastic. Is there anything else that we miss that you want to make sure to get across in terms of going into these events as an introvert?

rob-giardinelli_1_09-18-2024_140253:

just remember you're valued and you are really important there. So anyone who tells you otherwise. Isn't a good event host and isn't a good event guest because you really are valued and I went to 2, 000 events So you don't have to to learn that so trust me when I say that you are really valued and really important and Emily I can't thank you enough for the time today. This was a lot of

emily-sander_1_09-18-2024_120253:

Yeah, it was. And we'll have all the checklist and links to your information. If someone is like, Oh my gosh, I need to get in touch with Rob. What is the best way for them to do that?

rob-giardinelli_1_09-18-2024_140253:

So go to eventmindset. com or email me at, um, info at eventmindset. com or find me on LinkedIn or Instagram at Rob Giardinelli. And that spelling will be in the notes, the

emily-sander_1_09-18-2024_120253:

It will indeed. Yes. Beautiful. Thank you so much, Rob. Appreciate it.

rob-giardinelli_1_09-18-2024_140253:

Thank you, Emily. This was a pleasure.