Leveraging Leadership

How to Actually Be Happier at Work and Lead Like a Pro

• Emily Sander • Season 1 • Episode 193

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Andrew Matthews, bestselling author known for "Being Happy," shares how happiness starts with accepting your current situation and focusing on the good in any challenge—like when Thomas Edison watched his factory burn and still saw the silver lining. He explains that happy, resilient people create their own positive workplaces by being kind, not complaining, and supporting others. Andrew also offers practical tips for dealing with negative thoughts and discusses his latest book, "Bouncing Back."

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Who Am I?

If we haven’t yet before - Hi👋 I’m Emily, Chief of Staff turned Executive Leadership Coach. After a thrilling ride up the corporate ladder, I’m focusing on what I love - working with people to realize their professional and personal goals. Through my videos here on this channel, books, podcast guest spots, and newsletter, I share new ideas and practical and tactical tools to help you be more productive and build the career and life you want. 

 

Time Stamps:

01:30 Andrew's Journey to Writing
02:39 Overcoming Rejections
04:12 Creating Happiness at Work
06:37 The Power of Perspective
13:10 Self-Acceptance and Forgiveness
20:10 The Importance of Resilience
32:58 Daily Decisions for Happiness
34:19 Happiness in Leadership
34:44 Nick Faldo's Story
37:31 Conclusion and Book Promotion

emily-sander_1_12-06-2024_120232:

My guest today is Andrew Matthews. Andrew, welcome to the show. Very happy to have you on.

andrew_1_12-07-2024_060231:

Thank you, Emily. It's an, it's an honor to be here

emily-sander_1_12-06-2024_120232:

And where are you coming to us from? Are you in Australia now? I know you were traveling all around the world before.

andrew_1_12-07-2024_060231:

far North Queensland in Australia. Hmm. So

emily-sander_1_12-06-2024_120232:

we go. There we go.

andrew_1_12-07-2024_060231:

it's, it's tomorrow here.

emily-sander_1_12-06-2024_120232:

I know I, I used to have clients, uh, in Australia and that would always just trip me out. And I've, uh, been on plane rides where I actually land before I left, and that always does a mind, a mind warp on me too.

andrew_1_12-07-2024_060231:

Yes. I once missed Christmas. I flew from San Francisco to Bali and left on the 24th and arrived on the 26th.

emily-sander_1_12-06-2024_120232:

Oh no. Oh no. Yeah, that would just make my mind explode. But very happy to have you even, uh, from the future. So you have written. A dozen plus books on happiness, and that's no small feat. I've written a lowly three books. Um, I can't imagine doing as many as you as you have. So thank you and congratulations. I'm wondering what initially prompted you to, to into this space and then write your first book.

andrew_1_12-07-2024_060231:

At 25, I made a shocking discovery. I discovered that the happiest people I knew had bigger problems than me. And not only did that make no sense, but suddenly I had no excuses and I had to acknowledge that it's not what happens to you, but it's how you think. And so I went on a quest to try to discover how happy people think so I could be like them. I, I think Emily, very often when we are writing nonfiction, we're trying to solve our own problems to some degree, or trying to write the book that we wished we'd had.

emily-sander_1_12-06-2024_120232:

Yes.

andrew_1_12-07-2024_060231:

So being happy was the book that I wished I'd had. I liked simplicity, and my background was as an artist and a cartoonist. So I wanted to write a book that was more friendly with a, a cartoon on every page, uh, to pin an idea to the message. And, um, after plenty of rejections, we got some traction with being happy. And, um, um, 17 rejections for Being Happy. Uh, 61 rejections from my first book. Um, so after a total of 77 rejections or something. Um, I found a publisher and being happy is now in 48 languages.

emily-sander_1_12-06-2024_120232:

Wow. Good for you. Congratulations. I like how you

andrew_1_12-07-2024_060231:

Well, it,

emily-sander_1_12-06-2024_120232:

number of times you were rejected specifically.

andrew_1_12-07-2024_060231:

I, well, the, the first book I wrote, which was a children's book, um, I, I said it to who I thought were the 60 most likely people to. Be enthusiastic in the world. And, and so that was in the days when you would actually get a letter that would come back, a rejection slip. And uh, I sent off 60 uh, manuscripts and got 61 rejections. One publisher wrote to me twice and said, forget it.

emily-sander_1_12-06-2024_120232:

Oh, wow. Just to dig it in there. Wow. Twist the knife. All right. Well, you should, you should, uh, have those on posters somewhere, all those rejection letters. But, um, so you, you've written extensively on this subject, um, and, you care about it a lot and a lot of people are going through life and careers and there sometimes there's pockets of. Yeah, what am I doing and is this all there is? And how can I be less stressed and happier at work? So just to kick us off here, what are some just general starting tips to be happier?

andrew_1_12-07-2024_060231:

Well, if we're talking about work, I think the first thing to recognize is that you don't find the perfect job. You create it

emily-sander_1_12-06-2024_120232:

Hmm.

andrew_1_12-07-2024_060231:

uh, I love the work of, uh, Dr. Shane Lopez. He was with the University of Kansas. I. He was interested to, to see, you know, lately there's a lot of talk about, uh, following your passion. He wanted to find out who are these people that love their jobs and did they follow their passion? So he surveyed 8,500 people. And he got 1100 people, 13% that said, we love our job. And then he went to those and said, why do you love your job? And how did you find it? And almost to a person they didn't talk about, oh, well, I followed my passion. They said, I found a good job. And in that job I nurtured people and I encouraged my colleagues and we surprised our customers and we were kind. And after a while I discovered that a good job became wonderful. I find that so instructive that for those of us that are saying, well, maybe the next company or the next job is probably this job, plus what we put into it.

emily-sander_1_12-06-2024_120232:

Hmm. Wow. Okay. So my takeaway is don't follow your passion. Just kidding. No, it's, it's, it's, I think there's a mix of different factors is what, is what you're saying. That and. You make your environment and it's kind of like, for some reason, you know, the movie The Matrix, where you kind of create your own reality and Neo the main character can kind of create his own reality at the end. kind of like that, where you can rely on external factors to try to make you happy and make you feel good and. And there's some big weighty things that happen around you, but you also have the insight out and you can kind of create what you want out of any given situation. So is that, is that what the study was highlighting, or what would you take away from that study?

andrew_1_12-07-2024_060231:

Life is what you make it and. Also we find what we look for. If I look for faults in my wife, I find them.

emily-sander_1_12-06-2024_120232:

Mm-hmm.

andrew_1_12-07-2024_060231:

I look for faults in my boss or my company, I find them. And the more that I say to myself, life is very much about the questions that we ask ourselves. What do I love about this? What do I love about these people that I work with? What I love, what do I love about the challenges that I'm dealing with and what it's teaching me? Then we get different answers and life. Continues to get better. So it, it is always about how we see it, the questions that we ask ourselves.

emily-sander_1_12-06-2024_120232:

Is that, is that the difference between happy and unhappy people? Is it, is it just the questions we ask ourselves?

andrew_1_12-07-2024_060231:

Very much so. There's a cartoon in a couple of my books, uh, where I make the point that happy people focus on what they have. And adjacent to that caption is a fellow with just one slice of cake. And then, uh, the next caption is. Unhappy people focus on what's missing and there's a very miserable guy with an entire cake minus one slice. And it, it is, I mean, we've all been to, uh, countries where people are less fortunate than we are, and yet they seem so much happier. So it is that, that, uh, happy people focus on what they have. It, it, it's not that we, um, are not aware of. Where we need to improve or how our company can be doing better. But it's just that, that our, our foundation is, is saying, you know, what are the good things about this? I, I suppose, uh, my thought is, um, that we see so many people and they are so qualified. You know, they've got the degrees and they've got the MBAs, but they never thrive. And they don't thrive because they're miserable and people don't like them and they don't thrive because they're fragile.

emily-sander_1_12-06-2024_120232:

Mm-hmm.

andrew_1_12-07-2024_060231:

I. Here's, here's the thing, happiness is not some optional, extra, like, I'll be successful and then I'll be happy. And I guess your question to me is, how come you've written 12 books on happiness? Well, they, they're going from different angles. But you know, the idea that, well, I'll get successful, I'll get successful, and then I'll be happy. No, happiness is our foundation and we, we build our success on the fact that. We like ourselves and we in turn like other people and we enjoy the challenge.

emily-sander_1_12-06-2024_120232:

And guess what? If you're working with someone who is always unhappy and that exudes out of them, that's one environment. And if you are working with someone, or for someone who is happy and. Exudes that out, then you're working in an, in an entirely different environment and you know, you take your pick on which one you'd rather be a part of. So I like that you pointed that out. So asking ourselves the right questions, paying attention, and focusing on what we have versus what we don't. Um, if someone's listening and saying, you know, that, that's nice, that's cute, that's, I've heard that kind of cliched mantras and methodology before, but. Look, I'm in a high powered, stressful job and we don't have time to pay attention to the single slice of cake. What would you say to a person like that?

andrew_1_12-07-2024_060231:

I would say you do need to firstly, and, and there are, there are things that we just, uh, live by. Like we say, I will live one day at a time. You know, uh, uh, happy and effective. People say, I will, I will deal with today. I can't solve all the problems that I'm faced with, but let me do my best until bedtime. Simple things like, I'm gonna stop complaining, for example. I mean, we all know that. We talk about what we think about. You know, you, you think about food, you talk about food, but similarly, we think about what we talk about. So if you spend your working hours complaining, then you are, you are thinking more and more about the things that upset you. Uh, there's simple things like just saying, I want to be kind, kind. People are happier. And so if, if we look at that option. You know, in the workplace where I see an opportunity that I can be kind or encouraging or give a compliment, then if that becomes part of our, our, our daily structure, I. That, that we look for good things, that we encourage people, that we compliment people, that we are kind to people, that we have a, a, a, a personal code that we say, you know, if there's something to be fixed, I'll address it, but I don't complain it because that's just who I am. I don't complain because that's just who I am. Then life just keeps getting better and better.

emily-sander_1_12-06-2024_120232:

Wow. Yeah. I'm imagining teams that I've been on where if even for one week or one day, no one could complain, oh my gosh. That would be such a relief and such a different, different environment. And I love what you said about I. think about what we talk about. It's so true. I mean, our, our thoughts ruminate on the topics that we highlight for them. So if we're talking about the good things about people instead of complaining, that's just what we think about and what's going on inside of our head. Um, I remember, remember, um. I used to be, I probably still am, but I used to be very critical of people, especially behind their back, which is not, which is not the best trait. Uh, but one day I was sitting, sitting there and I was kind of coming to the conclusion that you're talking about now. I wish I had your book then, but it was, you know, I can sit here and, and complain and kind of nitpick on this person's presentation, but for some reason that day I was with the group and I just said. You know what? He's come a long way. Uh, he's made a lot of progress from where he was. He still wasn't where he wanted to be or needed to be, but he was making great progress and that just felt different, and it just made the trajectory of the conversation go so differently. So I don't know for some reason that that memory came up as you were, as you were speaking about that.

andrew_1_12-07-2024_060231:

And I think Emily. When we forgive ourselves for not being perfect, we begin to forgive other people

emily-sander_1_12-06-2024_120232:

Hmm.

andrew_1_12-07-2024_060231:

being perfect. And so this leads us into something else that, that I've talked about in, in being happy and bouncing back. And, and, and that is if we ask ourselves the question, do you need to love yourself? You need to at least like yourself. We say why? Because we create the life that we feel we deserve. And if I don't like my, yeah, if I don't like myself, someone comes into my life and says, I love you. I will think there's something wrong with them, or they want something. If I don't like myself, I will let opportunities slip by I if I don't like myself. I will create arguments with my colleagues and my family and my friends because I don't believe I deserve to be happy, so I. At some stage, we've just gotta forgive ourselves for not being perfect here. Here's what I shared in a recent video on YouTube. I said, get yourself a photograph of, of you when you were three years old, when you didn't have all the answers and you were just living your life the best way you, that you knew how and put that. Photograph on your desk or somewhere that you can see it every day and be kind to yourself now as you would be kind to that little 3-year-old because you still don't have all the answers and you are still like all of us, just living life the best way. You know how.

emily-sander_1_12-06-2024_120232:

I love that. Yes. And I've often, um. Thought about even. So I started, started my coaching practice and I thought about I first started my first six months of the new business, and I'm like, man, you were an idiot. You didn't know anything. You know? And I, and I. A lot of stuff was new. I learned very quickly. But I look back and I'm like, I would've made very different decisions had I known then what I know now. But of course, that's life and that's how you get the experience. And I'm sure, and I hope that I continue to grow where in 3, 5, 10 years down the line, I look back at myself now and I'm just like, gosh, face palm. What the heck was I doing? But it's because I've grown so much. So I think that's a fantastic thing to in mind.

andrew_1_12-07-2024_060231:

I, I know that in your books and, um, since you invited me on your podcast.

emily-sander_1_12-06-2024_120232:

got it. You got

andrew_1_12-07-2024_060231:

I've bought and read your book, hacking Executive Leadership, and it's, it's great. And, and, um, and one of the things that you, one of the points that you make is that you assess your decisions, not so much on the outcome, but on what you knew at the time. So what I might say, I'll, uh, I posted a five star review on Amazon yesterday. Um. Emily Sander shares critical insights on decision making, which is what we're talking about, leadership strategy on being adaptable and more a delightful read Five Stars,

emily-sander_1_12-06-2024_120232:

Oh my goodness. And I

andrew_1_12-07-2024_060231:

Esther.

emily-sander_1_12-06-2024_120232:

him up to say that listener. That was him all on his own. Thank you so

andrew_1_12-07-2024_060231:

No, I, I tell you why, because why I appreciate the book and why I enjoy your podcast is because you get to the point and you respect everybody's time. And, and I understand your audience, you know, we are heavy hitters here. And, um, so it's, it's a delight to listen to any podcast of yours. And also, uh, it was great to read your book, so I thank you.

emily-sander_1_12-06-2024_120232:

Wow. I appreciate it. I appreciate it. No one's ever done that on my own podcast. I don't know what to say. Thank you. Thank you so

andrew_1_12-07-2024_060231:

That's,

emily-sander_1_12-06-2024_120232:

Um, yes. Okay. Now I've lost my train of thought entirely, but, um, um, but I think it is, uh, not, I have, I'm a recovering perfectionist. I will classify myself that way. Man. If you met me at like 20 years old, everything had to be pitch perfect. Everything had to be. Excellent. And I held myself and everyone around me to an incredibly high, nearly impossible standard. And there were pros and cons to that, right? Like my teams were very well run. We had nothing but like excellent work product and quality. And I ran a tight ship, but man, I burned through some people and I burn through myself. And there's uh, there's a double-edged sword to that. So I think recognizing that, hey. Give ourselves a break. We don't have to be perfect, is a really good reminder.

andrew_1_12-07-2024_060231:

Yeah. Did, did your parents encourage you to be perfect? How did, where did they fit into this?

emily-sander_1_12-06-2024_120232:

Uh, my parents were, they didn't, they didn't have, they didn't, weren't perfectionists. They were incredibly hardworking. They were very smart. They were very, I. Successful by any conventional measure. And so I had those, those big examples growing up. And so I remember being a little kid, assuming that when people got to be grownups, they would have common sense and they would be driven and smart and excel in their fields. And as I got older and older, I looked around, I was like, Ooh, that is not the case at all.

andrew_1_12-07-2024_060231:

Yeah, and, and also some of the smartest people like, you know. People with outrageous IQs that are somewhere up in the stratosphere, um, do some crazy stuff.

emily-sander_1_12-06-2024_120232:

Yes, they do. Yeah. I mean, my parents were, I, I mean. I couldn't have asked for better examples. They, they treated people with respect. They were full of integrity. They were, they cared about the people in the world around them. And I just assumed everyone was like that. And, you know, that's not the case. And it's unfortunate, but, um, I, I had big shoes to fill or kind of. Big, uh, big shadows to come up and, and be brought up in. So I, I'm grateful for my parents though. I think they set great examples, but, um, I expected a lot for myself. I will say that. Especially when I was younger. Yes. So what else? We've gone kind of, you know, ask good questions. Uh, don't expect yourself to be perfect. Um. a picture of you when you're three.'cause sometimes in we look like grownups on the outside, but on the inside part of us are still that, that three-year-old. Are there any other components to like a formula for happiness? If someone's sitting there going, look, I'm a VP of operations, um, I'm the head of engineering. I'm a new CEO and I'm doing this thing, I'm doing this, this business and this work thing. I wanna be successful, but. I also wanna be happy, and I also want my team to be happy. Are there any formulas or pointers for happiness there?

andrew_1_12-07-2024_060231:

The first step to happiness is, is acceptance.

emily-sander_1_12-06-2024_120232:

Hmm.

andrew_1_12-07-2024_060231:

no matter what you're going through. And, and it could be a divorce or it could be that, uh, your company's in the red, or it could be even that you've lost someone that you love dearly. I. Uh, the way that life starts to get better is when we say, I wouldn't have chosen this, but this is, this is what I've got. And, and now I move on to what I want. And, um, you know, one of the, one of the best examples, and, and I think I talk about that in my book, bouncing back, is Thomas Edison. Uh, in 1914, he had an explosion at his, uh, factory. In New Jersey and, um, 10 buildings were on fire and the, the flames were like eight stories high. And I think there was something like 20 fire departments were, were, were trying to deal with this, you know, massive fire that did something like$30 million damage in today's money. And he arrived with his son when the flames were eight stories high and he said to his son, call your mother. Tell her to get over here. She'll never see a fire like this again.

emily-sander_1_12-06-2024_120232:

Wow.

andrew_1_12-07-2024_060231:

And, and I mean, that is, uh, like instant acceptance. You know, the, the, the fire that's destroying everything that he is been, been working for for the last 20, 30, 40 years. He says, get your mother over here. This is amazing.

emily-sander_1_12-06-2024_120232:

It's a great fire. Yeah.

andrew_1_12-07-2024_060231:

And, and, and, uh, he. Of course bounce back. Uh, so I mean, if, if we are mindful of that kind of mentality where whereby we say, I wouldn't have chosen this, but that's what I've got and, and now I move on to what I want, I've got a cartoon in bouncing back. Where there's a, a, a guy, he's climbing a mountain and he's sweating and his, even his dog is sweating and he looks just totally exhausted and doesn't wanna be there. And the caption is what you thought was breaking you is probably making you,

emily-sander_1_12-06-2024_120232:

Hmm.

andrew_1_12-07-2024_060231:

and so often. The challenges and the disasters that we thought were the end of the line were some beginning that we never even imagined.

emily-sander_1_12-06-2024_120232:

Yeah.

andrew_1_12-07-2024_060231:

related to that, I would suggest that no one is born extraordinary. We become extraordinary by facing challenges that we didn't choose. And so we come back to this idea of acceptance, whatever we've got, we say, you know, I, I, I dunno why I needed this, but in some way, perhaps I need to say to myself, uh, this is setting me up for more success. This is equipping me for, uh, challenges or a journey that I didn't even know was coming.

emily-sander_1_12-06-2024_120232:

Yes, and I, I think I can certainly recall a number of times in life where at the time I would not. I would not be, I was, I was not happy in my circumstance and I was like, why is this happening to me? Why do I have to go through this? back now, in retrospect, it was, oh my gosh, I could, I could have only gotten that I. Lesson and I could only have gotten better in that way through experience. There was no other way to do it, but to go through it. Um, and I'm grateful for a lot of those experiences. Now, not at the time wouldn't have said that at the time, but looking back, I can can connect those dots. So now when things that are challenging and overwhelming happen, I try very hard, um, to remember this. This is shaping you. This is. Refining you. This is getting you ready and equipped to do what you need to do going forward. You don't know that yet, but you will look back in time and and see this for what it is.

andrew_1_12-07-2024_060231:

And most disasters are not total disasters. E even in the little things, we get bumped off a plane and we say, this is, you know, terrible. This is screwing up all my plans. And then we meet someone on the next flight that changes our life, or, you know, opens up some extraordinary opportunity that we never expected, or, or, you know, we, we, we think we found Mr. Or Mrs. Wright. And, and, uh, you know, this is my forever person. And then they dump us and then we meet them 15 years later and we think, wow, I dodged a bullet.

emily-sander_1_12-06-2024_120232:

Yeah. Thank goodness I, my dreams didn't come true.

andrew_1_12-07-2024_060231:

Yes. Yeah. But so acceptance is critical. Acceptance. Um. That we say, I, you know, I, I, I came across a, an entrepreneur, uh, and I can't remember what he did, but I just, I just remember he had this habit of whenever something went wrong, like his secretary would quit or his manager would quit or he'd lose a, a, a massive client, he'd say, that's great. And I dunno why. But that was, that was his, that was his first reaction. Understanding, of course, that we never know how something that we think is a disaster is going to, in some way be beneficial.

emily-sander_1_12-06-2024_120232:

That should be our default when something unexpected happens or that is seemingly negative, that's great. I don't know why yet, but that is fantastic.

andrew_1_12-07-2024_060231:

Yeah.

emily-sander_1_12-06-2024_120232:

be amazing. That's something people should try. I'm gonna try that. That's great.

andrew_1_12-07-2024_060231:

Start. Start with the little things and then build up to the major disasters.

emily-sander_1_12-06-2024_120232:

Yes. Very good. So acceptance is the first step. What is the next step? So bouncing back what you have a picture of over your shoulder,

andrew_1_12-07-2024_060231:

Hmm.

emily-sander_1_12-06-2024_120232:

your latest book. Uh, but once we accept that, is there a next step to, okay, now I need to put something in action.

andrew_1_12-07-2024_060231:

I, well, I touched on that. I mean, bouncing back, I, I look at really seven things that, that, that resilient people do. And the first one is acceptance or finding purpose in what, whatever's happening. You know, look, saying, well, this is. In some way I wouldn't have chosen this, but there's some purpose in this accepting what's happened. Um, looking for looking for good things every day. You know, we wake up and we say, what is one good thing about, you know, this job that I've got? What is one good thing about these challenges that I'm facing? Um, uh, you know, negative thoughts are like rats. We, we, if we latch onto one negative thought before we know it, we are surrounded by them. And, um, and we are overrun by them. And so the, the, we say, well, how do we, how do we stop the plague? And we stop it by saying to ourselves, you know, whether we we're stuck in traffic. And we say, you know, this is the last thing I wanted. You start to say, well, what's one good thing about this? Well, I'm not walking. I can listen to podcasts. I can plan my weekend. You know, I've got time to think. Um, we find something that, that, that idea, whenever things go wrong, we say, what is one good thing about this? And you know, the cynic might say, well, you know, that's just, that's just kidding yourself. Um, be realistic, but this is realistic, lousy stuff happens and happy and effective people have the habit when lousy stuff happens. They have the habit. Resilient people have the habit of saying, what is one good thing about this? So we do that. I touched on the idea of living life one day at a time. Um, there's a story I tell of, uh, or an idea I present whereby I say, well, if, if you were to, uh, get a big sack and put everything that you need to, uh. Eat in the next five years and everything that you need to wear in the next five years and pile it all into that sack and carry it around on your back. We say, how would you get on? And you know the answer is eventually you'd collapse. You're not designed to carry that kind of load. Okay? So we say, what if you were to make a list of everything that you need to do in the next five years and everything that could go wrong in the next five years, and you carried that all around in your head, we say, how would you do and you'd collapse because.

emily-sander_1_12-06-2024_120232:

Wow. Yeah.

andrew_1_12-07-2024_060231:

are, we are not designed to carry that kind of load, but we are designed to manage 24 hours at a time.

emily-sander_1_12-06-2024_120232:

Mm-hmm.

andrew_1_12-07-2024_060231:

for those of us that have got enormous responsibilities and all kinds of things that could go wrong next week, but they, they haven't. We just say, I will deliver my best until bedtime and when tomorrow comes, I will take care of that. So one day at a time is enormously important.

emily-sander_1_12-06-2024_120232:

Yes. I love that analogy. I also love your rats analogy. I like, I almost like, like, ooh, I kind of did a little like motion when you said that'cause like, oh, that's, that's disgusting. But it's a perfect analogy for negative thoughts.'cause they run around and they kind of up on you and,

andrew_1_12-07-2024_060231:

and And, they increase. It's, it's really like you get onto a kind of wavelength, and I think it is, you know that,

emily-sander_1_12-06-2024_120232:

Mm-hmm.

andrew_1_12-07-2024_060231:

that when you get one negative thought and you dwell on that, you, you attract the next one. And, and, and the only way that I know to stop that plague is to say, well, what is one good thing about this? And then, you know, you stop it.

emily-sander_1_12-06-2024_120232:

How you, that's how you stop the rats. If, if someone's listening and they're like, I, I want to do that. But there's one situation where I honestly, I just, I literally can't think of one thing, but they want to, they're, they're on board with this. Is there a, a default, of a neutral, something they can even get to where it's not negative per se, but at least it's like I'm open to what's gonna happen here. Anything like that that you would suggest?

andrew_1_12-07-2024_060231:

I, I think in the background we have that thought that, that no disasters are total disasters. I mean, that's my default, you know, whatever happens, however bad it is, it's not totally bad. So that's my default, that that, that something good comes from even things that we think we won't even survive. Um, and then, then for me, I just go about saying, okay, no, I'm gonna keep looking for good things. And, and you know, eventually we look back and we say, was I that worried about that? How often that happens?

emily-sander_1_12-06-2024_120232:

if you if you look back at yourself 3, 5, 10 years ago, and You are worrying about the same things. It's, you know, it's probably time to take a look at that and see where you need to grow as a person. But oftentimes, and I speak with coaching clients all over who kind of sit there and laugh at themselves 10 years ago about the stuff they were worrying about. Like, oh my gosh, that was such a big deal at the time. But now I trust myself to be able to handle that and move on. Um, I.

andrew_1_12-07-2024_060231:

And a chunk of that can be, what are people thinking of me? And they're not,

emily-sander_1_12-06-2024_120232:

Hmm. Yes. No, they're not. They're worried about themselves. So

andrew_1_12-07-2024_060231:

yeah.

emily-sander_1_12-06-2024_120232:

this time on a hamster wheel going, what does she think? What does he think? I said this, he said this, and they're not even thinking about you. So that's a, that's a great point as well. How do we get off of that kind of hamster wheel? I mean, that's part of being happy too, right? Just, you know, you wanna be thoughtful about other people. You wanna kind of. Consider them so you don't steamroll someone or, or hurt someone. Um, but how do we live life in a, in a happy way where we're not constantly at the behest of someone's perceived perception of us.

andrew_1_12-07-2024_060231:

I, I think it's a, a, a, a, um, a steady growth that we, that we have. As you were talking about, you, you used to worry about stuff and you used to be. Um, you know, down on yourself because you weren't perfect. And so I think it, it's something that we gradually achieve by focusing what, on what matters. Um, and, and as we begin to feel better about ourselves, and as you know, the, the, the more that we, uh, are kind and compliment and support other people, that that comes back and we, you know, we forgive ourselves and then we feel better about ourselves. And so it, it's like a loop if you like.

emily-sander_1_12-06-2024_120232:

Yeah.

andrew_1_12-07-2024_060231:

and uh, it's, it's really, I mean, happiness is a daily decision essentially. I mean, you know, there, there are some situations and I understand where horrific things maybe happen to our children and, and, uh, there are things that are beyond the scope of a conversation like this. But,

emily-sander_1_12-06-2024_120232:

Sure.

andrew_1_12-07-2024_060231:

the, for the most part, for the everyday stuff, we, we have to acknowledge that happiness is a decision that we make every day. And that we say I'm going to focus on, on the good things. I'm gonna be kind to myself, I'll be kind to other people. Um, I, um, uh, and I'll, I'll do my best. We do our best not because it, it's gonna impress anybody else or anything. It's just we feel our best when we, we, we feel happiest when we do our best. Yeah.

emily-sander_1_12-06-2024_120232:

I mean, you asked about my parents earlier and they were, they were. Big teachers of, um, right because it's right. And you don't need any other reason than that. And that's, that stuck with me through the years. But, um, yes, and I, I like how you talk about happiness as happy and effective and resilient.'cause I think a lot of people think about, oh, you wanna be happy? That's nice. It's kind of like blue birds and sunshine. It's a nice to have. It's kind of this fluffy thing. Um, and really no, like you mentioned before. people are effective leaders and they build resilient teams. And any any good business leader knows you better be adaptable, you better be resilient, you better be creative, um, individually and as a team and as a company for you to survive and thrive. So I like how you're talking about it in that way.

andrew_1_12-07-2024_060231:

I said that happiness is our foundation. I, I, I'll share a story, um, uh, in the 1990s. Um. Nick Faldo was the world's number one golfer. And uh, uh, I walked upstairs to my office one day and back in the days when faxes were on one long bit of paper, that would be right across your office and one morning, and there was like 40 faxes that I'd received and. Uh, that, that turned out that Nick Faldo had just won the British Open Golf Tournament in a, in a very tight finish with a, I think an American golfer called John Cook or something. But it was this, it was this shot by shot, hole by hole titers. You know, you would believe this, this finish. And they asked him at the, um, press conference, um, how, what was different about you today? How come you finally won this tournament? The British Open. He said, I, I read this book. I. By Andrew Matthews called being happy. And you know, what the hell do I know about golf? I know nothing about golf. Um, so the question for me, I'm asking myself, how, how is it, what did you get from my book? The fact is, when you feel better, you do better. It is that simple. And, and you are, you are less tough on yourself. And so whether you are a golfer or whether you are A-A-C-E-O, um, uh, uh, when you feel better, when you feel happier, happier, happier managers, um, solve problems. Um, 30% faster. Uh, happy. Surgeons happy, doctors diagnose illnesses 30% more accurately. So you not only do you want to be happy, you wanna have a happy, uh, you want a happy surgeon. So, uh, yeah, our mind works better because, you know, it's, it's about brainwaves and, and, uh, and creative thinking. So, you know, I understand that that. You know, we might be a, a, a, an executive with, um, incredible responsibilities and, you know, things weighing down on us. But ultimately, the, the happier you can be in that environment, the better decisions you will make and people will tend to like you more, and that helps.

emily-sander_1_12-06-2024_120232:

Yes it does. Yes it does. And even when you just said, when you're happier, you do better. I was like, yeah, yeah, you do. It's just intuitive, so

andrew_1_12-07-2024_060231:

Yeah.

emily-sander_1_12-06-2024_120232:

to make it. Complicated and complex when it's, when it's not. It's, it's fairly simple and straightforward. But, Andrew, you've dropped so many, uh, gems in this conversation and so many quotes and, um, bouncing back is your latest book. So can you tell people, um, anything you want them to know about that and certainly where to pick that up if they're interested.

andrew_1_12-07-2024_060231:

Thank you, Emily. Well, bouncing back is, is a book, um, that I just, uh, launched because, uh, we're all bouncing back from something. We are bouncing back from eating too much or spending too much or bouncing back from that promotion that we thought we were going to get but didn't, or a relationship that started out well. Um, we're, we're all bouncing back from something. And so I wanted to, in a, in a very simple way, and my books are simple. Uh, bouncing back has 90 cartoons in it because I think a, a book should be fun to read. Um, so, uh, bouncing back is, uh, about the seven things that resilient people tend to do. Uh, we don't need to do them in any particular order. Um, we don't need to do all of them, but doing one of them will help. And so we take it from there and, and I share a lot of stories of, of, uh, people that have inspired me. Lots of short little stories. I. Um, and, uh, lots of cartoons and it's, it's light reading, but, um, the res reviews have been enthusiastic and we've only launched, haven't even launched in my home country yet. We've launched it in Singapore, Malaysia. It's just gone into, um, India, Bulgaria, Vietnam, and, um, but it, in, in, it's not launched, not in bookshops in America, but it's on Amazon bouncing back.

emily-sander_1_12-06-2024_120232:

There

andrew_1_12-07-2024_060231:

And it's also the audible if you enjoy, uh, your books, uh, with a Australian accent.

emily-sander_1_12-06-2024_120232:

I actually do Siri, like, oh, she's gonna turn on here. But I offer her a program for an Australian accent'cause I like it so much. So I might pick up all your books on, on Audible. That'd be a great way to, to listen. But, um, thank you for. For being on. Thank you for writing these books because I think people need to hear them. And I like your story about the golfer because in any facet of life, in any profession, I think that being happy and the things that you talk about are important and can help people. Um, and will certainly have the links to Amazon and the links to connect with you if someone wants to in the show notes as well. But, um, Andrew, thank you so much.

andrew_1_12-07-2024_060231:

My pleasure, Emily. Thank you.