If You Don't Know What You Want, You'll Settle for What You Get.

One of the most frustrating things that we come across is feeling like we're settling for something less than what we want.

But, in my years of coaching...

I've found that people are more clear on what they don't want and not what they do want.

What our mind's can see is usually what they create.

This is why knowing what we want and what it looks like is so important.

In today's episode I talk about getting clear with what it is you DO want...

and how to start creating it.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 1:05

Hey my loves, welcome back to another episode of Bold Hearts Big Moves. Okay, today's episode is going to be kind of fun. And the reason being is because I have a story to tell you. Okay. But first and foremost, let me say if you two are frustrated by what you're receiving, you don't feel like you're getting the most for what you're putting out. If you would love to see your life, your business, and your relationships button up, tighten up, and show up to actually support you in the way you want to be supported, then please click the link below. Sorry, not clarity.com, Callanlee.com, forward slash Aaron dash Anderson dash coaching forward slash creating dash your dash unbreakable dash boundaries. The link is in the description below. All you've got to do is click it. There is no um obligations to you whatsoever. All you've got to do is click the link, pick a time that works for you, and let's have a chat. This is a call where we do not sell on the call. If you want to know how I can help you further, um we will schedule a call for that later. But this is a call that I just give to you to help you get on your next steps. Okay. So if you'd like that call, schedule it. Let's chat and let's see how I can help you get your boundaries in place so that way you can actually start receiving the support that you have been craving. And with that, let's talk about like something that I've noticed, and that is a lot of people are frustrated by what they're receiving in life. The money they're making, the relationships they're in, the clients they're attracting, the support they're getting, and they keep wondering why am I not getting what I actually want. And we've all been there, especially if you've been in an entrepreneur, we've been there. But if we're honest, a lot of people haven't gotten really deeply clear on what it is they want, and even fewer have become clear on what kind of vessel they have to be to receive it. We have to be able to grow to be able to bring in the result that we say that we want. And the best way I can explain this is through a story of the fisherman. Okay, and the fisherman wanted the biggest fish, and it's not just the biggest fish, a certain type of biggest fish. He wanted the trophy fish. And I want you guys to admit imagine that he's sitting there by the lake and he decides that he wants to catch this kingfish, okay? And so he knows what he wants, or at least he thinks he does. And so he goes to the store and he buys a fishing pole. But the problem is, is he buys the smallest, most inexpensive pole. And he goes and he sits by the lake and he starts throwing the pole out there and he starts fishing. And he catches some fish, but only little ones. And he starts getting frustrated. He's catching something, just not what it is he really actually wants. This is what a lot of people are doing in life. They say they want big things, but they're using small tools, tools, small standards, small capacity, and small containers. They start out small when they want the big things, and that's not a bad thing. We have to start out somewhere just like the fishermen did, right? With a small pole. So that way we can maybe start testing the waters and seeing what we can really receive. So back to the the story of the fisherman. He goes into this the store where he bought the fishing pole and he slams it down on the counter and he says, This thing doesn't work. I'm only getting the smallest fish. And the guy behind the counter says, Well, yeah, because that's all this pole can hold. This is all the weight that this pole can carry for you. If you want to catch that kind of fish, you need a bigger, sturdier pole. So he upgrades the pole. And he goes back to the lake and he throws it in, and now he's catching bigger fish, but still not the size that he wants. So he goes back and he says, I still think I need a bigger pole. What's the biggest pole you have that can hold the biggest fish out there? And so the man brings out this ginormous pole, it's huge, it's thick, it can seriously hold some weight. And the man decides to invest in that pole because that pole can hold, it can give the capacity for what it is he wants. See, a lot of people will think that if they upgrade one thing, they should automatically receive the full result. Just like this fisherman did. He built some capacity, but he didn't build the full package yet. This is where your boundaries come in. Your pole is a lot like your capacity, what you can hold, what your standards are, what your nervous system is, and what your boundaries are. You can't receive something your current capacity cannot hold. So he buys the fishing pole that the capacity can actually hold. And he goes out there and he's throwing it out and he's catching some whoppers, some really big fish, but still not the fish that he really, really wants. So he goes back to the counter and he says, Okay, this thing's awesome. I'm getting some really, really good, huge fish. But now tell me why am I not getting the like the kingfish, the fish that I really, really want. And the man behind the counter says, Well, we probably need to upgrade the bait. What bait have you been using? What is the lure? And so he shows him, he says, Ah, yeah, the kingfish, he really likes this. So he buys the bait, and he goes back to the the shore of the lake and he throws it in, and he's getting more of the type of fish that he wants, but still not the kingfish. And so he goes back, asks the guy behind the counter, and he says, Why am I still not getting this type of fish? I've upgraded my pole. I can't, I've got the capacity now, I've got the right bait, but why am I still not getting the fish that I want? And so the man behind the counter says, Okay, well, where are you fishing? And so he tells him he's on the shore and he says, Ah, the kingfish, the fish you're looking for, is only in this part of the lake, and the only way you can get there is through boat, is by boat. So the man goes, takes his bait, takes his pole, he rents himself a boat a boat and a driver, somebody that can hold the boat steady, because he knows now he's gonna get it. And he throws it out there and he gets the kingfish. See we have to have certain things in order for us to actually be able to attract the things that we want. We have to have the capacity to receive it. We have to have the right type of quote unquote bait, and I know that sounds crude, but your languaging matters. If you're talking, if you want to help somebody with their health, and all you talk about is their shoelaces, well, nobody's gonna know what you can actually do for them. It's important for you to be able to speak to what it is they want. That's the bait, talking about what the fish wants, right? So that way it can come to the pole, and then being able to know the location, the location of where your fish is, what it is you want, where this actually is located. These are all things that are really, really, really important when it comes to bringing clients into our business and being able to attract what it is we say we want. Because here's the thing, my loves, if you don't know what it is you want, you'll settle for what you get. Maybe you'll settle in frustration, maybe you'll settle in anger, but you absolutely will settle. You can't receive something that your current capacity cannot hold. And a lot of people want different results, but they're still putting out the exact same signal. Wanting better clients but showing up from fear, wanting more money but speaking from scarcity and scaredness, wanting healthier relationships, but still tolerating misalignment and mistreatment, wanting support, but not asking for not asking clearly for what it is that you actually need. What you want is important, but what you're signaling for matters too. And if they don't match, you will get what you signal for and not what it is you actually want. See, if you remember in the story that the man tells him the biggest fish you're looking for, they're not where you've been fishing, they're in a place you can only get to by boat. If you can remember that, uh remember that a lot of people are trying to receive what it is that they say they want while staying in the same places, the same identity, the same habits, the same relationships, the same nervous system patterns, and the same level of self-trust. We have to move if we're going and actually be in the place to receive what it is we say we want. Our emotional capacity needs to change and needs to grow so that way we can actually receive what it is we say we want. Um we need to have the right messaging so we can receive what it is we say we want. We need to be in the right location. And here's the thing: boundaries are the thing that actually create all three of these things. See, do you think the fisherman would have actually caught the fish if he would have believed that he's not a good enough fisherman? That he's not ready for the fish? What if he didn't believe that the fish actually existed?

SPEAKER_00 14:33

What if he wasn't sure the boat could handle the fish? What if he didn't trust in his own strength?

SPEAKER_01 14:45

What if he decided to s keep fishing from the shore instead of actually going to where the fish usually was? What if he didn't take the actions necessary for him to attract the fish, the right fish, the one that he really, really wanted? Sometimes what it is that we want requires us to get into a new environment, a new standard, a new identity. Remember those boundaries, a new level of courage, a new level of clarity, a new level of receiving. And all that newness can be quite terrifying sometimes. And see, sometimes the life we want isn't that it's not unavailable.

SPEAKER_00 15:41

It's just not located where our current self keeps standing.

SPEAKER_01 15:49

And we don't realize that where we're standing isn't going to reign what it is we want. You know, in building my own business and, you know, having consistent and inconsistent results, etc., I've realized some things. Who I am matters. But who I'm at right now is not who I was five, ten years ago. I didn't have this level of confidence. It's something that had to be grown and expanded and tried. I had to experiment on it. I had to experiment with my confidence, and I had to be willing to fail a lot. But that failure gave me perspective, and that perspective helped me build my integrity, something new. And remember that integrity is really, really important when it comes to being able to handle what life comes at comes at us with. But I also need to be able to receive them. And sometimes receiving is kind of uncomfortable. For example, guys, you've heard me say for the last several years, well, maybe last couple of years really, um, that I'm Aaron Anderson, I'm a seven-figure business coach, and I drive a Ford Explorer. Well, guess what? The Ford Explorer manifested. I am. I'm driving my dream car right now, and I love it. I love this car, it's awesome. But it comes now with a payment. My old car was actually a really good car. I was very like, Ford makes good cars. I'm maybe not a Ford person, that's okay, but I like Fords. And I had an old expedition that was a good car, but it was just getting old and wasn't as reliable as I would have liked. And we bit the bullet and went and got me my dream car. I love it. But it's uncomfortable because now I have a payment again, right? So now I am manifesting what it would look like for me to just completely pay it off and own it free and clear. Because I would love that. And do you hear the language I'm saying? Like, this is what I would love. And guess what? This is what happens. I have been out driving Ford Explorers for a while. I've been envisioning myself driving Ford Explorers for a while, and guess what shows up in my life? The Ford Explorer. Now I'm going to envision how good it feels to have that brand new car completely paid off, free and clear. I'm gonna envision what it feels like to have that money coming into me. Clients that are happy to pay me, right? Because when we envision the fish, we can start to envision the boat and the tools and the capacity and what we're going to need to be able to actually have what it is we say we want. Just like the fisherman, he knew what he wanted. He kept seeing a picture in his head, and every time he saw that picture in his head, excitement came to him. Same with my Ford Explorer. Every time I got in a Ford Explorer and I drove one and I saw a picture in my head, and every time I would get online and look at Ford Explorers, I got excited.

SPEAKER_00 21:16

I loved the idea.

SPEAKER_01 21:30

But it will be because now that's the next piece I'm envisioning. And I've noticed that when I sit down and I really give myself a moment to envision something, it's amazing how quickly my reality catches up with my vision. This is not the first time that's happened. Is the power of what vision, what vision is, what it looks like. So with that vision, it gives you clarity. Clarity on what kind of fish you're actually trying to catch, clarity on what we what we have to have as the capacity to hold it, clarity on what we're doing to signal for it clearly, and clarity on where the fish actually lives. What kind of money do you want to attract? What kind of business do you want to run? In relationships, like what kind of love do you want to be able to receive? What kind of communication do you want? What kind of support do you want? What kind of peace do you want out of your life? What kind of body do you want to live in? What kind of schedule do you want? Because if we don't know what we Want we will again settle for what we get. And if you're settling, and if you're saying, why is it that I keep getting that I have to keep settling for this, or why is it that somebody else has to tell me like what it is I want, it's because you're not clear with what it is you want first. And if you do know what you want, the next step is literally becoming the person that has the capacity to receive it. This is why boundaries matter so much, because once you know what it is you want, it is your boundaries that become the structure that hold it and protect it because that is who you are. Who you are is the capacity to hold things. Boundaries protect your peace, they protect your standards, your money, your energy, your relationships, and who you're becoming. Boundaries are what keep you from settling for something you don't want. And boundaries aren't the punishment, they're the vessel that helps you hold what you've decided you actually do want. Because who we are attracts what we say we want. People do not behave above their self-belief, and our self-belief determines if we say we can actually have something or not. And a lot of people think they need to try harder, hustle more, or become more impressive. But often the first thing they actually need to do is just get radically honest about what it is they want without guilt, without shame. And if shame is coming up, okay, well then you need to get radically radically honest with that piece of it. Because that shame will stop you every single time without fail from getting what you said you actually wanted. So stop fishing for your dream life with a teeny tiny little pull. Stop using the wrong bait, stop staying on the shore of life if it if what you want requires a boat. Bold hearts make big moves when they stop settling for what it what they get and start building a life that they can hold what they truly want. My loves, it is time for you to realize that you actually can have everything that you say you want, you've got to picture it, and then you've got to get clear with what it's going to take for you to actually have it and start the journey. If you want help with that, and if you want help building your fishing pole so that way it can hold the capacity has the capacity for you to hold what it is you say you want. That way you can catch those big fish. Feel free to reach out to me through the link below calendly.com forward slash Aaron dash Anderson dash coaching forward slash creating dash your dash unbreakable dash boundaries. Again, the link is in the description below. Don't hesitate. Book that call.

SPEAKER_00 26:53

There is no pressure on you whatsoever in these calls.

SPEAKER_01 27:12

We're just gonna get you some clarity, install a couple of boundaries, and if you want to know what it looks like to work with me, if you want to know about my programs, then we'll schedule another call after that. But this is a no pressure, only focused on you call that I would love to gift you if you would like more clarity and more boundaries in your life so you can live the life and attract the living that you love. Alright, my loves. Don't forget, get out there and make those bold moves with your big bold hearts. And I'll see you next week. Bye, my loves.