Kindness: The Fruit of the Spirit

From marriages to the work place to the crazy life of high-schoolers kindness is running short in the world.  So is time.  Lets focus our energy on the positive things of God, spread the good news, and make it to Heaven.  Lets not waste any more time and energy on being unkind. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:03

Hello, everyone, and welcome to another episode of the Middle of the Fire Podcast. I am Steve, and today we are continuing this course on, or series, I guess I should say, on the fruits of the spirit, and we are going to be talking about kindness. Something uh something that is uh far too elusive in the world, always has been, always will be, and uh that's why it's up to us to continue to the fight. And uh keep this thing going, right? For the future generations. Not everyone has to be violent and angry and cranky and upset all the time. Not everyone has to live like that. Alright, so it's pretty obvious, right? The uh discussion on kindness, yes. The phrase itself is obvious whenever we talk about kindness in a Christian sense. But putting it into action and seeing it in in real life, it is becoming uh it seems less commonplace. You know, I don't know if I'm just getting cynical. Um I'm sure it's always been like this to some extent. There's just more people now, but it just seems like there's a lack of kindness in the world. And with more people, you would hope that kindness would increase with the amount of people that we have, because we kind of need that. The less you have of kindness with the amount of people that you have, you get problems. You know, after all, we live in a society that bears its strength in the ability to navigate rules and laws while conducting ourselves appropriately, right? Kindness would surely solve all of our issues in the world if it were something we could all easily comprehend. However, it seems on a daily basis that the world is hell bent on tearing itself apart. Now you got social media. It's largely replaced the vast majority of social interactions, leaving it nearly impossible to discern what's what. People just don't know how to engage with civility anymore. You see it all the time in the workforce, you see it all the time with adolescents in schools, and you see it other places. But talking about the workforce, what about the workforce? We're all adults, right? Can't we all just get along with dignity and grace and treat each other well? No. No, we can't, because according to a recent study by the Institute of Family Studies, adult bullying is a pervasive issue, with statistics from 2000 to 2025 indicating that it occurs at rates like those found in adolescents, affecting approximately 40% of American adults. Workplace bullying is a major component of this, with roughly 30% of employees reporting being targeted during their careers. Surveys have consistently shown that nearly one in three US adults have been bullied, 31% of US adults stating that they have issues with being bullied. Studies from the early 2000s through 2001 found that 30% of Americans are bullied over the course of their entire careers. As of 2025, 43% of adult Americans believe that bullying has become more acceptable behavior. And that right there is an alarming statistic. That's scary. That's alarming because once we start to believe or perceive it as acceptable behavior, even if it's by other people, if I look at another person and I say they think this is acceptable behavior, now it becomes more likely in me to return the favor, to act with aggression in kind. Now it becomes more likely in me to act in a negative we in a negative way. We will be less likely to show kindness and frustration because the world is what it is, quotation marks, and our drop in the endless ocean of being unkind and cold hearted won't affect the overall outcome, so why does it matter? If I think that everybody thinks it's acceptable behavior, if I believe that, well then what does it matter? What I do? Why does it matter what I think and say? I'm not gonna have a positive effect. That's that's just an alarming statistic to me. It kind of floors me. All of these statistics are mind-boggling. While much focus is on teenagers, cyberbullying of adults has increased, particularly via work channels and social media. There it is, social media. Similar to children, adults who are victims of bullying report physical ailments, headaches, sleeplessness, and lowered work performance. The issues are starting at the workplace and trickling down to the home and into our families. That's why so many of our young men are falling behind in large uh social categories that include workforce participation and family growth. How can young men find a leg up in a society that's become so feminized and sterilized of any masculinity? With every passing year, young adults and teens are immersed in their online presence and persona more and more and more. I say persona because it's very easy to be who everyone else wants you to be online in a space where entire conversations are spent in two to three paragraphs. You don't know who I am, I don't know who you are. But if we can just agree at face value on something, well then now we're best friends, and now we can, you know, start a podcast together. Let's start another pie, everybody start a podcast. But yeah, it's very easy for me to be who you want me to be, or for me to be who I want you to think I am if I'm talking to you in comments. I can be ugly to you in comments and just disappear, or I can be falsely, you know, gassing you up in the comments, but that's not legitimate conversation. In person and in the workforce and with young kids, you can't disappear into a video game or a dating app or live with constant distractions like being on TikTok and whatever else is out there. The average young man spends 10,000 hours playing video games by the age of 21. That is crazy. Young men increasingly do not know how to conduct themselves, and it stems from the alarming lack of communication and real-world preparation from their father figures if they ha are fortunate to have one at all. And why else do you think young women kill themselves at such an alarming rate? This is heartbreaking. Female students grades grades 9 to 12 report higher suicide attempt rates in this past year. Recent data shows 30% of teen girls seriously considered suicide. A 60% increase over the past decade with significant factors, including mental health crises, social media, there it is again, and rising violence. Suicide rates for girls aged 10 to 14 have nearly tripled since 2007. Almost one in three teen girls seriously considered attempting suicide, and three in five felt persistently sad. While youth mental health saw slight improvements in 2024, significant issues persist with 11.3% of youth experiencing a major depressive episode with severe impairment, and that's just from ages 12 to 17. From 2010 to 2020, suicide death rates increased by 62% among adolescents aged twelve to seventeen.

SPEAKER_00 9:40

Sixty-two per cent in ten years. And what exploded.

SPEAKER_01 9:48

Just think take, just just think back. Think back with me. All you old people. You know, you know, if you were born in the nineteen hundreds, you're considered old now. So just deal with it. If you were born in nineteen ninety nine, you know, go ahead, get your AARP membership going, because you are you got one foot in the grave, buddy, sorry to tell you. Um, but anyway, go back with me, won't you? All the way back to the year of our lord 2010. Oh, it was such a simpler time, wasn't it?

SPEAKER_00 10:24

But what exploded about that time? Social media.

SPEAKER_01 10:32

And in a ten year span, suicide death rates have increased by 62% among among adolescents aged 12 to 17. Tell me it's not a cancer.

SPEAKER_00 10:50

I'm telling you, if your kids are on social media, you gotta get them off. Straight up. You gotta get 'em off. It's just not worth it. Either get 'em off or I mean diligently monitor what's going on.

SPEAKER_01 11:13

But of course, all of this is all of this is one thing, but to see it to see the unkindness and the bullying in the house of God is unacceptable on a whole nother level. Galatians chapter six verse ten says so then as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith, especially to those we go to church with. Approximately twenty-seven to thirty-three percent of US adults have experienced religious trauma, and nearly two-thirds of young adults, eighteen to twenty-nine, who grew up in church have withdrawn due to negative experiences, including hurt, toxic environments, or bullying by church family. Furthermore, hostility against churches has risen, with over 1,300 acts reported between 2018 and 2024, including vandalism and threats. According to Barna Group Research Cited, a significant majority of young adults who grew up in the church have left, often due to feelings of being judged or experiencing, quote, church hurt. Now, that's not to say that some people, you know, can, you know, just get frustrated and walk away. But we cannot ignore the fact that churches are a community. And if you treat certain people of that community with contempt or with disdain, they're going to leave. Sometimes it can be just one thing. Often it it doesn't. It doesn't have to be something that's ongoing and takes years. It can be one thing that you say, but it can be enough to push some people right out the door. See, I myself, though, I'm of the mentality, you ain't pushing me out of my church. That's just I I don't care if you hurt me or not. We can worship together still. That's fine with me. Because I mean, think about it. If you keep hopping from one place to another just because you get your feelings hurt, well, one thing, there's a common denominator in all of that. And another thing, you'll never be happy. People are imperfect, and you are a person just like everyone else.

SPEAKER_00 14:08

And of course, we have the motherlode of all church hurt coming up right now. And I'm just gonna preface this by saying if you know of something going on, it is your duty to say something and to do something about it.

SPEAKER_01 14:33

In average, congregations of four hundred people show studies that suggest, on average, seven women have experienced clerical sexual misconduct, with thirty-seven percent of pastors reporting awareness of inappropriate beh sexual behavior within their church. Only eight percent of victims of abuse in the church felt supported by their church, and only nine percent found the church helpful when reporting abuse.

SPEAKER_00 15:14

Riddle me this How can you be so ineffective not only as a church body, but as a person to not help someone whenever they have come out with this information. Nine percent found the church helpful when reporting abuse.

SPEAKER_01 15:42

Pathetic. That is pathetic. You have got to be insane to allow that kind of stuff to happen in your church and then not do anything about it. You should go to it, like if you're a pastor and you know about something and you don't especially if it's kids. Of course it's especially especially if it's kids. But if you know about this kind of stuff and you don't do something about it, you you need a different job.

SPEAKER_00 16:11

Go work someplace else. So let me let me go back over this.

SPEAKER_01 16:18

In an average congregation of 400 people, studies suggest that on average seven women have experienced sexual misconduct. Eight per cent of the victims of abuse in the church felt supported.

SPEAKER_00 16:34

Pathetic.

SPEAKER_01 16:36

Absolutely pathetic. What are you like what's your what's your point of existing? What what would you say you do here? Hmm? What's your job description? What just converting oxygen into carbon dioxide? Anybody could do that. We don't need you to do that. But you're gonna let sexual misconduct go unreported. And what happens? Cover up, cover up, cover up. You're a pathetic excuse for a Christian, you are a pathetic excuse for a human being, you are a useless tree not bearing fruit.

SPEAKER_00 17:14

If if if this if this is you, if the if what I'm talking about is you. You are worthless and you're not bearing fruit.

SPEAKER_01 17:28

In 2024, California experienced the highest number of these incidents, which is just crazy. Everything's illegal there. How how is this happening? And then, of course, followed suit by other states. It's indicative of a widespread problem. It's indicative of a pandemic rather than isolated hot spots and issues. Nationwide problem with congregations not stepping in, pastors not helping the parishioners in their most desperate time desperate times of need. My goodness. My goodness. Forty-nine percent of pastors rarely or never speak to their congregation about mental illness, which can lead to stigmatization or inadequate care for those suffering in the church, which it none of this makes sense to me. Why would you not speak about mental illness? Our pastor talks about mental illness all the time, and guess what he says? Every time, it's a plug for Jesus. You can't control your depression, you can't control your ex anxiety, you can't control all the stuff that's going on in your head, but Jesus can help you. Why would you not use that as a as as a message? You're just gonna ignore it? Brother Jeff Robinson would have have a word with the pastor if he never spoke about this stuff, if if if you know there wasn't a crucial conversation to be had, and there weren't obstacles to work around. Guys, if you have not listened to my shows with Brother Jeff, go back and listen to him. And I'm just gonna say one more thing and then I'm moving on to the next next subject. We're called to be a light on the hill. We are a beacon of hope. A beacon of hope. I don't care what church it is. If it is a Christian church, it is meant to be a beacon of hope. Not another place where corruption and just nonsense like sexual misconduct is going to thrive. If they get enough of that mess out in the world, and you're wanting to bring that in the church of the living God, you want to bring that in?

SPEAKER_00 19:54

I'm h I hesitate to call you stupid. But that's just Yeah, that's stupid.

SPEAKER_01 20:04

If you're not being a lion on the hill, if you're not bearing fruit, you're useless trees, and you're a broken lighthouse. You do not stand a purpose. That's all I'm gonna say about that. On to the next one. Now, of course, being parents, we must be an example for our kids to emulate. Being a father of two girls has been the most rewarding life lesson I've ever received. You know, men are typically pretty rough around the edges and can be slow to overt acts of kindness and temperament reservation, but if you can get that kind of stuff under control and start being the kind of man you want your girls to marry, or the kind of man that you want your son to be toward his future wife, you'll find a lot of peace that comes uh along with all that hard work that you put into it. Our kids should be a launch pad for personal growth and development, especially spiritually. It takes a lifetime to build up a good life, but it only takes one stupid decision or a stroke of bad luck to throw everything you know and love into total chaos. How our kids see us and look at us reacting to all the different stimuli that we have in our life will undoubtedly affect their relationships with their surroundings and the people they come in cut into contact with. I'll go ahead. And tell you the man I grew up with was not very kind or patient at all when it came to anything kid related, and that it still affects me to this day. I'm not gonna go into, you know, a bunch of detail about it, but some of the things that he said to me through, you know, gritted teeth and sheer aggression have stuck with me and repeat over and over in my head when I screw up or when I feel like I'm not doing good enough or you know, all that kind of stuff. The things that he said to me just bounce around in my in my brain. Because it's almost like that it validates what he said about me and to me. And you have to take your kids into accountability into accountability. The words that you say are going to affect your kids. And it's up to us to decide whether that's going to be positive or negative. Alright, so now digging into the kindness aspect of of all this, research targeting parenting habits based on calm assertiveness indicates that a nurturing environment reduces cortisol levels, improves cognitive abilities, and fosters better social adjustment. So here's some key statistics on how kindness affects our children's development. Children exposed to hostile parenting at age three are one and a half times more likely to have high-risk mental health symptoms by age nine. Children exposed to calm, assertive parenting at age six to seven showed fewer symptoms of depression, anxiety, and physical aggression at ages twelve and thirteen, and it fostered a significant increase in their child's empathic and prosocial behaviors. Regular acts of kindness in parenting produce oxytocin, or the love hormone, which lowers cortisol, the stress hormone in children. Life improves when your children are less stressed out, doesn't it? So all this kind of stuff is kind of it kind of works hand in hand. You know, your kids are going crazy. If you go crazy, then they're going even more crazy, which makes you go even more crazy, which makes your wife go crazy, and everybody's going crazy. Nothing's nothing good is happening. Right? But those low stress hormones in your kids, if you learn calm, assertive parenting techniques, they pay attention, they roger up to what you're saying, yes, sir, no, sir. And they can actually take the time to process what you're saying. If you're yelling at them, it's fight or flight. It's high cortisol, it's panic, it's fear, it's all this other stuff. There's no thought process happening. And so now that teaches our kids, if they get in high stress environments, the next logical step for your brain to take is stress and anxiety and fear and all this other stuff. But that doesn't happen out of nowhere. That happens because of bad parenting. To put it in a in the most simple term that I can, bad parenting. I know, I've done it before. All of us have lost our tempers on our kids and done things that we regret, and acted too aggressively, acted too this, acted to that. But I've learned those from those mistakes. And putting my best foot forward and moving on, and learning, and not continuing to do bad parenting, I've learned quite a bit. Just in how your kids are gonna react to you, and how they're gonna react to stress, and how they're gonna react to crowds, and all this kind of stuff. It all trickles down. Kind interactions, particularly in preschool, promote perspective taking and enhance executive function skills like planning and impulse control, and correlates with 93% of children exhibiting positive behavior, confirming the longitudinal study of Australian children that discovered parental warmth in childhood directly predicted reduced anxiety and depression even in later years of development, late teens to early twenties The benefits extend to the parent. Calm assertive parenting extends to the parent, just like I said earlier. You l the kids lose it, you lose it, but if you temper those emotions, you get down on their level with calm assertiveness, they're gonna respond to that. So anyway. Parents with low resilience to stimuli, right? If I can't low resi low resilience to stimuli, meaning, let's say, let's say I suffer from anxiety with large crowds. If I get super anxious with crowds and stuff like that, but I have been working on participating in kindness training, I guess you could say, and I'm no longer giving into those urges, giving in to those compulsions that would lead me into a panic attack, but if I have been working on this calm assertion in stressful times, that is going to eventually start rewiring my own brain, synaptic responses in my own brain, that's going to eventually train my subconscious to not have these negative reactions to negative stimuli or or over-stimulation or whatever, you know. The kinds of parents that involve themselves in the in this calm, assertive parenting, they see their own resilience increase, which in turn improved their children's ability to cope with stress. Kids are sustained and replenished by our fruits. If they're the right kind of fruits, if I'm exhibiting the fruits of the Spirit, then what I'm giving to my children is actual sustenance, it's actually something that they can partake in. I can give you kindness, I can give you meekness, I can give you long suffering and patience, I can give you all these things that are going to help you take your best foot forward today. But if my fruits are anger and depression and sadness and everything negative, then that's what my kids are going to ingest, as you can hear them right now having a great time. Whatever we present to our kids, that's what they're gonna eat. Think of it in terms of your own house. What do you have available? To eat. Is it fruits and vegetables, chicken broccoli, and rice? Healthy alternatives, or is it just Doritos and chocolate? Mine's pretty half and half. We have way too much Doritos and way too much chocolate, that's for sure. That's for sure. And my waistline can attest to that. But using that analogy, it becomes a little more clear as what I'm trying to get across here. If I'm if I want my kids to grow up strong and healthy and functional, they need to have a healthy diet.

SPEAKER_00 30:37

But if not, our kids are gonna be sickly, they're gonna be weak, malnourished, that's no place for a parent to put their child emotionally or physically.

SPEAKER_01 30:56

So I'm not trying to talk down to you guys, but I am I I'm just trying to make a point here that how you raise your kids, it really matters. And doing it with kindness is uh is gonna turn it's going to turn kindness into their fun their base, their baseline will be kindness. Moving on now to uh section three marriage kindness in your marriage. Raise your hand if you've been married w more than once. Okay. Now put your hand down because you look ridiculous. I have been this is my second marriage. My first marriage was a complete train wreck for ten years. It was a ten-year-long train wreck. There was hardly any kindness, there was absolutely no love. We could not stand each other.

SPEAKER_00 31:53

Kindness means everything in a marriage.

SPEAKER_01 31:57

As it just as it does to any relationship. You know, your spouse, if you ask me, your spouse should be your best friend. Not this not to say that your spouse you're gonna start out marry marrying your best friend. That's not what I'm saying. I was saying the person you marry should become your best friend.

SPEAKER_00 32:19

If they're not already.

SPEAKER_01 32:22

See, my wife and I, Alyssa, we got married pretty quickly. We started dating and were married in a within a year. Well within a year. So there was still a lot that we had to grow and get accustomed to that hadn't been hashed out yet. Of course we didn't live together. Who knows, right? Going into the marriage with without much preparation, without really knowing each other that well, it did set us up for some some pretty uh uh how can I say this? Well, you know what? You get the gist. I'm giving you a wink. You know, it is yeah. First couple years pretty rocky, and a lot of that was my fault. But all that aside, I can definitely report that we are stronger than ever. And uh it's it's going so well. Things are going so well now. You know why? Because the man, me, dad, husband, got some stuff under control. And you can too. Yes, you can. I'm gonna interrupt my own show to bring you a public service announcement. You do not have to repeat the things that you experience growing up. You can choose to change it right now. So I I encourage you to do that. I encourage you to explore yourself if you have issues like this, like I'm you know, alluding to. Explore yours explore your psyche and figure out why you do things. It will go a long way. And it will go a long way for uh well, it'll go a long way for both your marriage and for your kids. So yeah, get that under control, fellas. Love is patient, love is kind, love does not envy or boast, it is not arrogant or rude, it does not insist on its own way, it is not irritable or resentful, it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but it rejoices in the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things. Beautiful, isn't it? That is one of the cornerstone verses of married couples, first Corinthians thirteen, verse four through seven. We've always heard love is patient, love is kind, love is all these good things. We we don't see anything about being an insufferable idiot in here. But before before we get more into the you know theology of everything, uh, we're gonna again look at some raw data. I I've found some really good stuff on this, and I hope you guys are enjoying this, because I've enjoyed researching it. There is a researcher named Dr. John Gottman, who can predict with 94% accuracy whether a couple will stay together just by watching how they communicate, how they speak to each other. Not necessarily what they're saying, how they're saying it. He found something called the magic ratio. In healthy marriages, for every one negative interaction, there are five positive ones. So five positive interactions should counteract that one interaction that you had. But when that ratio flips, that's when that's that's when things start falling apart. Kindness isn't just being nice. It's about bids for connection. When your partner reaches out for attention, do you turn toward them or turn away? That's the foundation of a kind home. Why I I have had to do this to myself. Check the direction of which your feet are pointing whenever you're talking to people. I have a bad habit. I've learned that if, you know, yes, I might be actively doing something. Oh great. I'm getting interrupted. If I stop what I'm doing and I turn to face the person talking to me, whether it be my child or my wife, that is a connect- that's connection right there. You're showing them I'm paying attention to you. I'm not trying to get away from you. Make sure your toes are appointed towards the person who's talking to you, not the thing you're trying to turn your attention to. So, how does all this fit into biblical perspectives? Many people point to Ephesians 5, where it talks about the husband being the head of the household. But if you keep reading to verse 25, it says, Husbands love your wives, even as Christ loved the church and did what? Gave himself for it. In this context, being over your family, it's not a rank, it's not a standing, it's a responsibility. It's leadership through service. Think about the differences between a harsh leader and a kind leader. A harsh leader interprets headship of a household as I'm in charge, I'm the top dog. And this creates a fear-based home environment. Your wife shuts down to protect herself, walking on eggshells, and the kids become discouraged or rebellious. You might have order, but you do not have a connection to your family. The kind leader interprets headship as I'm the protector of the peace. This creates a secure base. When a man leads with empathy, his wife feels safe to be vulnerable. The kids grow up with secure attachment because they see a father who uses his strength to lift them up, not to hold them down. Stats show that families in high connection homes are nearly four times more likely to be proactive in helping each other, and three times more likely to forgive. That's how much your tone, the baseline vibe of your house matters. Likewise dwell with them with understanding, your wives, giving honor to the wife, as to her being the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered. So right there the Bible tells us, it it straight up says, Your wives are the weaker vessel. They are not as strong as you. You cannot use your power and your strength as tools to authority to try to rule over your family. It will not work. Ever. It has never worked, it will never work. Corporations don't thrive like that, countries don't fly like that. Look at every dictatorship that you can around the world. And tell me how healthy those countries are. They're typically third world nightmares, to put in the nicest term that I could just come up with. Dictatorships do not foster an environment of growth. Do not be a dictator in your house.

SPEAKER_00 40:21

You won't fix anything, and you will not be respected.

SPEAKER_01 40:27

That it will not you fear is not respect, boys. Sorry. So if you're trying to lean on your aggression and your tone and how loud you can yell, being mean, all this stuff. If that is your method of parentage and spousal duties, you're failing miserably, and you're not an effective leader. Leadership in a marriage isn't about winning an argument. It's about winning each other's hearts. It's about it is about being the first to apologize. Being the first to listen. And being the most consistent source of kindness in the room. Fellas, we've got a lot on our plates here. We do. We can't continue to abdicate our duties as the priest of our household to our wives, or to the Sunday school teacher, or to our pastor. It is our duty to foster compassionate, caring, and complete relations. So yeah, kindness it's a big one. And this might actually be my longest left episode on Fruits of the Spirit. My goodness, I've had a lot to say today. But guys, I I I hope it's put everything into perspective here. Just how important fruits of the Spirit are to a consistent and profitable and fruitful walk with God. It affects your relationship with God, it affects a relationship with your family, with everyone around you, and it also affects it affects everything, it affects your job. My goodness. If we do not keep fostering kindness, then once again, we are fruit-bearing trees that are bearing no fruit. We're just pretty to look at, hopefully. But if you're not kind, you're not even pretty to look at. If you're not kind, you're just a dead stump. You just look terrible. You're useless. I don't want to be useless. I I want to have a purpose of building his kingdom. And every day I've got to put on my armor of God, and I've got to feed myself with the fruits of the Spirit, and feed my family with the fruits of the Spirit, provide the fruits of the Spirit for my wife, for my kids, and for others around me. And as long as I surround myself with fruit-bearing trees, I will always be fed. Keep that in mind, guys. If you feel like you're not being fed ever, then look at the company that you're surrounding yourself with. Maybe they're just a bunch of stumps. Anyway, that's all I got for today, guys. Thank you so much for listening. May God richly bless you. And I'll see you again on the next episode.