Episode 7: Making Room for Joy While You're Grieving

This week, I found myself experiencing just about every emotion imaginable.

One night I was laughing with friends, singing Christmas songs at Music Bingo, drinking wine, and completely living in the moment.

A few days later, I was packing my daughter's belongings to send her off to college, standing in front of an almost-empty bedroom, trying to wrap my heart around the fact that this next chapter is finally here.

And somewhere in the middle of all of it, I realized something...

Life doesn't ask us to choose between joy and grief.

Sometimes it asks us to carry both.

In this week's conversation, I'm sharing what this season of becoming an empty nester is teaching me, why I've started intentionally paying attention to the little moments that make up my week, and how I've learned that celebrating life's beautiful moments doesn't mean we're ignoring the hard ones.

Sometimes we're simply learning how to make room for both.

In this episode, we talk about:

• Why I've started collecting everyday moments instead of letting them pass by

• Finding unexpected joy during Christmas in July Music Bingo

• Saying yes to new friendships and new experiences

• Packing Brylee's room and preparing to send her to college

• The bittersweet reality of becoming an empty nester

• Why joy and grief can exist at the same time

• Learning that home continues to evolve through every season of life

• Giving yourself permission to feel every emotion without guilt

This week's reflection:

What two emotions are you carrying right now?

Maybe you're celebrating something while grieving something else.

Maybe you're excited about what's next while mourning what you're leaving behind.

Whatever season you're in, give yourself permission to hold both.

You don't have to choose.

Continue the Conversation

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Think of it as one small step toward coming home to yourself.

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Wherever life finds you today...

I hope you know you're welcome here.

There's always room for one more.

And there will always be a seat at my table.

Welcome home.

Sending you big hugs and lots of love,

Shannon 💗

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome home. I'm Shannon Burroughs and I'm so glad you're here. I'm sorry it's been a hot minute again in between my episodes, but I have a lot of life things lifing in my world right now. Anyway, whether you're joining me for the first time or you're coming back for another conversation, pull up a chair, grab your favorite beverage, and let's chat. Because around here, I hope every episode feels less like a podcast and more like we're just sitting across the table having an honest conversation. So welcome home. This week, uh this week at the table, let's talk about um this was one of those weeks where I felt like I experienced every emotion possible. I promise you, I am not always an emotional hot mess. I promise you. I there's just a lot of things, a lot of seasons happening all at once. And um that's why this episode is titled Making Room for Joy While You're Grieving. So yeah, this week, uh, oof, I've experienced all the feels this week. Um have you ever heard of like one of those weeks where like one minute you're laughing until your stomach hurts, and then the next minute you're standing in a room crying or trying not to cry anyway? That's pretty much I feel like me, like every day lately. Anyway, that was this week for me, for sure. I've actually started doing something new, and um, it's just for the past week, actually. And uh every day I will sit down and at the end of the day, pour myself a little glass of wine or a little LaCroix or something, and uh I just sit down and I write down the little moments that happen to me like throughout the day, not because of anything other than the fact that I wanted to like start paying attention to my life, my actual life. And not to mention menopause makes you forget a lot of things, so there's that. Um, but I I do want to notice like the little wins. I want to remember the conversations, not necessarily like journaling per se, but I just want to like focus on the moments that made me laugh, the conversations, the moments that changed me, and like those moments that reminded me why I do what I do. The whole empowered connections, bringing women together, navigating life together with each other, you know, real estate, everything. Because sometimes life moves so quickly that like we don't even realize how much has happened until the week is over. And this week, there was a lot. First of all, I want to talk about like super fun wins. So one of the happiest moments this past week um was on Wednesday, and I was with one of my girlfriends, and we went to music bingo, because I'm really into this music bingo that they have at this local restaurant here. And the theme was Christmas in July, which was amazing, because if you know me at all, you know Christmas is my absolute favorite holiday. It's I don't know, there's just something about Christmas that like makes my heart so happy. It's like the shiny lights. I don't know. I don't even care about presents or gifts. I just love the decorations and the and the lights, and I love setting up my village, which I didn't do this past year because I don't have room for it yet, but anywho, um, there it was, Christmas in July, music bingo with one of my good girlfriends, and I was like singing it every song, laughing, wearing a Santa hat, having a glass of wine, or two, playing bingo, which who doesn't love bingo? I mean, come on, music, bingo, and wine, like don't threaten me with a good time. Completely, completely, totally in the moment of all this. And I remember thinking, like, oh my god, I like really, really needed this. Like, I needed that, the laughing, just being in the moment, and it wasn't really about the bingo. I mean, it kind of was because the bingo's super fun. And it wasn't even just about the Christmas, it was just about pure joy of being able to smile and laugh and just be in the moment. The kind like where you completely forget that everything else that's happening in the outside world even exists. And I was like, you know what? I think I need a little bit more of this. I need more moments like this. I do, I really do, especially with everything that's about to happen. And then, and then on Friday, um, I went out with a new friend. I met this girl on the Monday after 4th of July. Another good girlfriend of mine, we're out having lunch, and she came in with one of her friends, and we just got chatting, and she lives downtown as well. Um, she's much younger than I am, but nonetheless, like we just kind of hit it off. And so we just we, you know, we exchanged phone numbers, and we're like, hey, let's uh you know, let's meet up for happy hours or something like that, or maybe when the green market comes along, whatever. And to be honest with you, like I'm not I know I'm super social, but like I'm not always one to do the reaching out first. I don't know why. I'm just weird like that. I gotta get over that. Anywho, that's a whole nother conversation. Anyway, so we met up. Uh, we kind of you know exchanged text messages, we're like, yeah, let's meet up for happy hour, blah blah blah. So it was Friday, and um we're like, okay, let's think of something different. So we went to this restaurant that I've never I've been to for brunch, but never been to for their happy hour, and it was actually really good. We had Escargo and these truffle raviolis or something like that. I don't remember. Anyway, super good. And then we went to this other place that I had never been to, and I wanted to go, and I didn't really have anyone to go with yet. So we went in and checked it out, and it was this cowboy club, and I love live music. Like, I love just listening to live music, singing along. I think I think music is kind of my thing. Maybe that's my what's makes me happy. Makes me happy. I can't even speak. Anyway, um, so I just remember thinking, like, well, this is cool, like, I'm out with a new friend. Look at me venturing out, and it was just nice to I don't know, try something new with somebody that I the whole thing, the whole experience was new, right? Like I never really gone out with her, like got to know her, her family, and uh she took me to somewhere that she's been that I've never been. So it's pretty cool. It was just like a new friendship, a new experience, and it reminded me that you know what life still has surprises waiting for us, and who am I to try to control that, right? Like sometimes we get just so comfortable, um, maybe even stuck, like like myself, and then we stop saying yes to new experiences. I don't really stop saying yes to new experiences. My challenge is I get super comfortable in my own home that I don't want to leave. Does anyone can you relate to that? Like, I finally I know I've talked about this before that I just have peace in my own home and I just love being here. I love being able to sit on my patio, I love being able to hang out with my dog, I love, you know, the the views that I have, I love that I have everything in my building, and if I want to walk across the street, you know, to go see humans in life, I can. But anyway, I was really proud of myself for going out and doing something different and meeting somebody new. And then, then, after all the fun and exciting things that happened for the week, reality checked in, and yesterday, well, life changed again. Yesterday, which was a Sunday, uh, so now you know I'm recording this on Monday, and we post on Wednesdays. Um, anyway, it was time to pack up all of the belongings for Briley to go off to college. And I have been struggling with trying to get her to commit to doing this. She's like, Mom, it's not gonna take that long. I'm like, girl, seriously? Yes, it is gonna take long. Like, we have to go through your clothes, like that includes your each dresser drawer. We're going through nightstand drawers, like we're literally decluttering the entire bedroom and bathroom because that girl has more hooded sweatshirts and sweatpants than somebody that lives in like Minnesota, and we live in Florida, like come on now. And I had bought a bag to ship all of her belongings up to college, in addition to the stuff that I still have to order on Amazon because you know those are the essentials. This is just like her clothing and like bathroom stuff. I get this bag and it's like a kid you not, it's like body bag size. Like, literally, I climbed in it and I could fit in it. And I don't think that I didn't want to do that because I totally did, but I didn't. I packed that sucker so tight, I'm like a ninja packer. But the whole time we're like packing, she's like sitting on her bed, and I'm like, okay, what about this? What about this? What about this? She's like, get rid of, keep, send, get rid of, keep, send. And I'm like, why am I doing this? And I'm like, oh, that's right, because I feel like I need to control the situation, and at least we're feeling like we're partaking in this together, kind of? Maybe. Nonetheless, I was very proud of myself because I did not cry once the whole time. She was kind of going through something anyway that you know we were trying to work through. And honestly, it was just it I didn't think about anything other than the fact that okay, we're packing her stuff up, and we're gonna like it for me, it was more of like, how am I gonna Tetris this bag? That was what I kept focusing on, and like how clean it was going to look when everything was like picked up and put away. And then I looked in her closets and her drawers. Because today I shipped off the bag to college, which by the way, I didn't realize there were companies that you could actually ship your luggage to your destination. Pretty cool. And uh, so anyway, shipped off all her belongings to college today, and um I looked in her closet and her drawers. Let me read the wine for a second. First of all, I just opened up her door this morning before I headed out to the gym, and I just stared at her sleeping in her bed. I know, you're probably thinking like psycho, but I'm not, I promise. No, I'm sure you probably relate to that if you're a mom, like you get it. Um so yeah. Then after she woke up and we were just kind of hanging out together, because I'm trying to enjoy every moment that I have while she's home, before she ventures out with her friends, and then before she takes off to college. But man, I looked in that closet and her drawers, and they are like almost empty. It was so weird. It was so weird, and it's like her room has always been so full of life for like 18 years, and all of a sudden it's just like kind of bare. And like it didn't really hit me until like I looked at the uh closets in the drawers and I was like, holy cow! Mind you, in the bathroom, I was super excited because those drawers and underneath that sink was so clean, so nice. I was like, okay, shit, here we go. This is this is really happening. She's leaving. And you know, she did tell me while we were packing yesterday, she was like, Mom, I have a feeling I'm gonna get homesick. Like internally, I know this is gonna sound horrible. Internally, I was like, Yes, she is gonna miss me, or maybe she's just gonna miss the home. Maybe it's a combination of both. I don't know. But I said, Well, that's okay, love. Like, it that's normal, like, and I'm just literally a phone call and a FaceTime away, and that's what I have to remind myself, of course, as well. Um, I know she loves being in her room, I know she loves being home, but she's also gonna be going off to build like another room of her own, even though it's gonna be with a roommate, but this will always be her home, and I will always make sure that her home is her home, her safe space. And I know I talked about that before. Like, it's so important to know, like, when when you come home and you come to your bed, like that's yours, like it's your safe space, right? And so I think like after thinking about this past week, I just realized, whew, it's okay. It's okay, it's gonna be okay, Shannon. But like, it I don't know, I guess it just surprised me because I don't know. I was feeling like an overwhelming pride, but also overwhelming grief at the same time. And and that's so insane. I think we talked about this with Michelle um in one of the first episodes, second episode, third maybe, whatever, we talked about it. Um, you know, holding pride and grief at the same time is uh super bizarre. Like, I don't know. Um, you ever like you feel like sometimes when you cry, like, oh my god, you're crying, like it should be a sad time, or you know, maybe it should be like a happy time, but to be able to have that all at once at the same time is I don't know, it's freaking weird. Like, I'm so incredibly proud of the woman she's becoming, and she's worked so hard for this, and apparently that's what we're supposed to be preparing for as parents. I don't really is that the goal? Is it the goal? I mean, sure, I guess it is, but it's not like you set out to have a child because you're like, oh my god, I want to have a child, and I can't wait to give it wings so it can leave in 18 years or whatever that is. I don't know, I never look I never looked at it that way. I kind of always skip the okay, let's prepare them for college. It was kind of more of let me just fast forward as I can't wait to see the the woman that you become, like what you end up doing, what's your personality gonna be like, who are you gonna be with? Are you gonna have kids? What's your job gonna be like? I I guess I kind of skipped that whole like empty nester thing. Because maybe in the back of my head, this this crazy person in me was like, I'm just happy if she lives here with me forever. Am I? Yes, I am, I really am. But no, I truly want her to go off on her own and experience life. Um, sometimes I wonder if, like, oh, did I do too much for her? Am I always there? Am I always doing this? Am I always, you know, helping or cooking or whatever? Yeah, you know why? Because it's not gonna be forever. It's not gonna be forever. Just like sleeping in the bed. She's not gonna sleep with me forever. But yeah, I guess that's one of our goals is to raise our children so they become confident enough to build lives of their own, right? Why the freaking hell does it hurt so much? Geez! It's like s oh it's crazy. So I realized something this week. The pain isn't because like we failed the I don't know, it was like pain pain and happiness at the same time because like I guess I succeeded as a good mom and a good parent to prepare them to fly. And here we are. It's time to fly. I feel like I should interject with the song, but I don't really know how to do that in editing, so that's not gonna happen. Um, I think so. There's that. Sometimes, I think sometimes we believe that we have to like I don't know, choose between an emotion. Like if we're grieving, we shouldn't be laughing. And if we're happy, we shouldn't be crying. I find that I find that myself, like I think that. But you know, life doesn't work that way, and here we are. Like some sometimes, who knows, sometimes in July you might be singing Christmas songs with a glass of wine in your hand, playing bingo, because it's Christmas in July, and well, why not? On Friday you could be doing your fun pay and Friday dance, or maybe making a new friend. And then two days later, you're packing up boxes. And then the next day, it hits you. Like, what the hell? Just freaking I was so happy, and then I'm sad. I'm so this is like feeling so bipolar, I cannot stand these moments, but here we are. You laugh and then you cry and then you laugh again. And sometimes it happens all before like I even walk out the door to go to the gym. Other times it happens before lunch, and sometimes it just happens all day. And maybe that's just life, I guess, right? Healing, motherhood. And maybe every new chapter asks asks us to like make room for one more emotion. I'm kinda tired of emotions, to be honest with you. So, as I was thinking about this week's episode, I realized something. Home is changing once again. Not because I'm moving. She's moving temporarily, but because the people inside my home are changing. I'm not gonna cry, I'm not gonna cry, I'm not gonna cry. And maybe I'm being invited to discover what this version of home looks like. Maybe home isn't supposed to like stay the same forever, even though I want it to. Maybe it's supposed to grow right alongside of us. Maybe coming home isn't about holding on to what was. Maybe it's about embracing what is. While totally remaining hopeful about what's next. Ugh, good thing I brought tissues, just in case, because I just got done telling you that I'm a mess. So I guess what I'm learning is that this week taught me something I don't want to forget. Like, joy doesn't erase grief. Grief doesn't erase joy, and they can sit at the same table. One doesn't cancel the other doesn't cancel out the other. In fact, maybe, just maybe, sometimes they make us appreciate each other even more. So, as I said in the last episode, I promise you sometimes I'll go scroll left, sometimes I'll scroll right, sometimes I'll stay on track, but at some point I will eventually land the plane. So here's where I think we're landing today. If you're listening to this and you're holding two completely different emotions right now, I want you to know you don't have to choose one. That's what I'm realizing. You can celebrate your child while missing them. You can be excited about what's next while grieving what was. And you sure the hell can laugh with your friends. And cry over an empty bedroom. You can be incredibly grateful and still feel heartbroken. Both things can be true. And if that's where you are today, I hope you give yourself permission to feel all the feels. At least that's what I'm telling myself, so I thought I'd share that with you. So landed that plane. Here we go. Good job, Shannon. You made it. So if today's conversation resonated with you, and you haven't joined us in Empowered Connections Facebook community, where we continue these kind of conversations, and we get together and have fun events together, and we remind each other that none of us has to navigate life's next chapter alone. And if you're in a season where you're trying to figure out who you are now, you can download my free guide, reintroducing yourself to you. And I just finished the 30-day journal to go along with it, which is pretty amazing. And in fact, I I created it doing the things as I'm navigating all of this stuff, the things. So anyway, think of it as like one small step toward coming home to yourself. That's what I'm doing. And I just wanted to share it with you. So wherever life finds you today, whether you're celebrating, whether you're grieving, or whether you're somehow doing both, I hope you know this. You're welcome here. There's always room for one more, and there will always be a seat at my table. So welcome home. Sending you big hugs and lots of love, Shannon.