Soul Vibe Insights

Your Relationship Beliefs Are Ruining Your Life

• Emily Pearl and Matty Hollingsworth • Episode 18

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In this podcast [episode 18] Emily and I will be deep diving into specific beliefs about relationships that are ruining your life! The energy of your beliefs attracts others of similar or like beliefs into your life. The problem is that most of our beliefs are unconscious. When those unconscious beliefs are dualistic in nature it will cause undesirable results in your relationships.

Everything we want in life is ultimately our responsibility even when we are in a relationship. No one can give us what we are unwilling to give or do for ourselves. Looking within and doing the inner work is how we get better results in our relationships. Practice makes perfect. Every relationship is an opportunity to learn about ourselves and grow from the experience. And then do it again with someone else until it all clicks and both of us are willing to do the inner growth together so that amazing relationship we've been dreaming of and working towards is manifest.

Want to speed up the process of awareness of your beliefs that are getting in the way of a happy relationship? Tons of limiting beliefs about relationships come from the karma of past life experiences that are carried over into current lives.  You can proactively seek guidance and explore your past lives and the energy still at play in your current life from them with past life regression. These sessions are richly textured, cool experiences, but also full of amazing potentials for healing and transformation. You'll also get to meet your spirit guide at the end and ask anything you want about your life.  It's a double win. Find the root causes from past life and check in on your current life circumstances and challenges!

We want to personally invite you to have a past life regression session with Emily or myself so you can experience the amazing benefits. Are you ready for your own past life experience?

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Share your relationship beliefs and experiences with us or ask a question at vibin@soulvibeinsights.com

Loving Light,

Matty and Emily

Support the show

Matty:

Hello amazing souls and welcome to today's show.

Emily:

Hello, welcome back.

Matty:

We're gonna get into relationship beliefs that are ruining your life. We spent the last three weeks talking about past life energy, past life regressions, and a lot about the benefits of working with these energies and going through this therapy, but mostly because of the fact that we have these limiting beliefs that we can carry over from the past. So we want to kind of keep on the theme of working with beliefs.

Emily:

Yeah, and I feel like these beliefs can come from this life or past lives.

Matty:

Absolutely. I just wanted to kind of iterate that we're keeping this theme of beliefs going

Emily:

Oh, yeah.

Matty:

I didn't mean to bring up the last three shows because we're only talking about beliefs from the past lives. It's the idea here that our beliefs are creating our reality. They're creating the situations and the people in our lives, especially the ones that are closest to us. Our life partners, our lovers, are those kinds of relationships is what we're going to talk more about today. And these people are helping us to see what it is in ourselves, but we have to be willing to look at our beliefs. Not just look at someone else's actions or words coming towards us. But what are we attracting? And if you're not willing to do that, you might just think that your beliefs are ruining your life.

Emily:

I mean, some of these are even societal beliefs that are just commonplace. And so this is just a reminder to kind of look within yourself to understand your beliefs. What kind of reality that you are creating with them?

Matty:

Absolutely, anything and everything comes from your willingness to look within to ask yourself questions. Hopefully you're willing to look within. Check, check yourself.

Emily:

Check yourself before you wreck yourself. Thank you. I felt like there was something missing when I said, check yourself. Shall we get started? I know we have a lot to cover.

Matty:

Yeah. I just wanted to take one moment. Kind of a life update, but Emily just had her birthday. She just had her birthday. And thank you everyone for all the well wishes and blessings and happy birthdays you sent her way.

Emily:

Yes, that was so sweet. Thank you so much. I definitely felt the love and feel so grateful to have felt that and have all those kind people, beautiful souls wishing me happy birthday. So thank you.

Matty:

All right, I'm ready to jump in.

Emily:

Let's do it.

Matty:

All right, well, belief number one.

Emily:

Ugh, this is so widespread and commonplace, too, and reinforced through movies, through commercials, through, I mean, maybe not commercials because they're not long enough, but definitely through movies, shows.

Matty:

It's romanticized. It's fairytale. It's made for TV and not the reality of life itself. And it's the belief that happily ever after. I did the thing. I got married. I found the person now It's just kick back and happily ever after, I don't have to do anything else.

Emily:

I can just give up now. Like magically your life is just gonna go according to plan, but that is not the way it works people. It is very unrealistic because that is actually when the real work begins in a relationship. Because when you're with someone for long term, things start coming up, and if you are in a safe space with this person, you're going to have trauma surface up. It's like, oh, we've been together a year now, one year trauma pops up, you know. And then the longer you're together, the deeper the traumas, not necessarily the deeper the trauma from the relationship, but I just mean like things start boiling up from your childhood, from your past, from your past lives. Like these different things start rearing their heads and they happen from situations that you haven't been in before.

Matty:

That's the point I wanted to make right there is as we live, change is a constant. We are going to change, our experiences are going to shift us. They're going to create reactions within us as we just live our lives. And when you're committed to someone, you may see things in them that you didn't know was possible. They may have reactions that they didn't know were possible. Coming up from life situations, things that are buried in the unconscious. The real work begins the longer you're together. Happily ever after is a fallacy. You can have a lot of happiness, and you can stay together forever. These things are very possible, but we live in a dualistic world. There are gonna be ups and downs, and there are going to be challenges, and there are going to be amazing moments. Absolutely.

Emily:

Yeah, and all too often, you find in relationships, I mean, this happened to me, I know it's happened to my friends. Where they've been in relationships, change is inevitable, and then the person is mad because you changed. You may even hear things like, well, you're not even the same person I fell in love with, or, uh, you've changed. Like it's an insult. Like you're supposed to just stay in this box, the same person you were exactly when you got married, or when you got together, whenever you are documenting your happily ever after starting and that's just unrealistic. And it's not very fair to the other person to expect them to say the same. If that's a belief that you hold, you know, as a listener, then you may want to kind of reconsider and realize that that is holding you back in your relationship. If you're expecting for your partner to stay the exact same, react the exact same way every single time, that's just, I mean, the rules of energetics make that impossible to happen.

Matty:

Well, and I think that's where some of this happily ever after is born from. You're really happy in this moment, in this time in your life, and you don't ever want it to change. And in some ways you may end up feeling victimized, and that's why you think the other person has changed in a negative way. And maybe they have, maybe the person they're becoming isn't working for you. But it doesn't necessarily mean that, it's a bad thing or that change is bad.

Emily:

Or that they're bad for changing.

Matty:

Exactly. I just like you to reconsider the notion of happily ever after, unless you're willing to work for it. And that means both of you.

Emily:

Yes, for sure. Yeah, and I do feel like I should bring up this one thing that if you don't talk about things that happen in your relationship. And you start off not talking about things, and then you begin to hold grudges, or you constantly, like, bury things under the carpet, like, Ugh, they did this thing, and it's like you're just gonna continue to be mad about that thing. And if you don't talk about it and find some way to, you know, relieve the pressure of that grudge, then it's going to stay there for the entirety of the relationship. So if you are someone who refuses to talk about things, holds grudges, constantly keeps score, those things are going to build up to a very unhealthy and unhappy relationship. I mean, those are the things that are necessary to have a happily ever after, but it's not happily ever after and then it stops. It's happily ever after and then you have to work like that's when the work begins. The work on yourself, the work with your partner, with the communication skills, like that is very important to have a long term happy relationship.

Matty:

Yes, it is. Well said.

Emily:

Thanks, wshould e go to number two?

Matty:

Let's do it.

Emily:

So number two is the belief that if a relationship ends, it is considered a failure. That is something that, I mean, I definitely felt that way. I've definitely had all these beliefs in the past. And it's taken being in a long term relationship to realize, Oh, these are bullshit. But, so if a relationship ends, It is not a failure. Everything requires practice, including relationships. And so if a relationship ends, that means that you learned an important lesson, I don't want that. There's something about that relationship that I don't want. And so when you enter into your next relationship, you can say, You can spot it right away. I know that I don't want that. And if that comes up again, you're like, nope, you can get out quicker and go towards the things that you really do want in your relationship. We do live in this dualistic world and oftentimes because of that, you have to learn what you don't want in order to get closer to what you do want.

Matty:

That's a big one.

Emily:

Yeah. Because how do you know what you do want if you don't know what you, if you don't know what you don't want? I know that's like a tongue twister, but sometimes the lesson is, I don't want that and that's okay.

Matty:

That's fine. Let that be the lesson and move on.

Emily:

But that's not a failure, that's just a lesson.

Matty:

The only thing really at this point is when a relationship ends is it's time to do a little self evaluation. If there are certain behaviors that you didn't like in the other and that's why this ended. If they ended it with you and told you why, ask yourself what in you, what created this? If you have the belief that all men just act a certain way and that's how they are and you just hope to find a good one. And you attract a not good one. You attract a man that just is a pig, he just acts that way, just thinks his shit don't stink because he's a man. And doesn't treat you the way you want to be treated. Well, what is it in you that has a belief that would have that there? If you're holding the belief that most men act this way and you just want to find a good one, well, that belief is bringing someone into your life that might show you that belief. So this is just a tiny example of something that could be there. But if you can find that belief that has attracted potential actions that you didn't like within your relationship that were a deal breaker that you don't want and you can shift yourself, then your next relationship will teach you something else. Because you've learned that lesson, you've spotted that belief whatever it may be that has helped to create this. But it doesn't mean that it's a failure because a relationship didn't work out. It's just a chance to grow.

Emily:

For show. So number three Take it away, baby.

Matty:

The belief that your person should just know what you need. That they're the ones that are going to meet your needs, and they should just know. And you're not going to take responsibility in meeting your own needs. So essentially you're expecting them to be a mind reader. And then you end up being mad at them when your own needs aren't being met.

Emily:

Yeah, I feel like this is a big one. I've been guilty of it.

Matty:

Oh God, I've put this off on other people.

Emily:

Yeah, I definitely have too.

Matty:

Thinking that if they really loved me, they'd just know what I needed.

Emily:

I mean, shit, how can you not know what I need? Well, there are some reasons why someone else cannot know what you need. And that is, everyone's needs are different based on their own personal experiences and preferences. And we can only come from our own perceptions.

Matty:

That's huge, right there. We can never ever truly know someone else completely. We can be empathic, we can intuit, we can have feelings, but someone else is them. We only can come where we can come from. And like I said, we may get some guidance and we have wonderful soul gifts and tools like empathy and intuition to help us along that way. But we are coming from our own perception, our own experiences, when it comes to try to understand what someone else needs. In the end, it, it's just your best intuitive guess, what might be good for them. And if you're relying on someone else to make their best intuitive guess on your needs, do yourself a favor and just tell them what you need. Tell them what works for you.

Emily:

And give them the chance to either meet it or not. Just cut through the pain and suffering of being disappointed and resentful all the time if you expect someone to just read your mind.

Matty:

No one is a mind reader. No one is truly going to know exactly what you need. And honestly, if you don't have the communication, you're probably not in a super healthy relationship. Communication is huge. And being vulnerable and letting somebody know what you need is a big part of that.

Emily:

And I mean, that's hard. Sometimes it's hard to know what you need. Sometimes you have an emotional response and you're like, holy fuck, where did this even come from? I don't even know. I don't even know what I need right now. Or you could be like crying uncontrollably and not even know but that's okay too to say I don't really know what I need right now, but I can update you when I figure it out. And someone who's willing to hold space for you and to love you should be able to understand that.

Matty:

If you're willing to even say that to them, look I'm unsure of what exactly I need right now, but I need you to just be supportive of me in this moment and that's that, and when I have a better grasp on what my need is or where this reaction is coming from or why I feel this way then I'll let you know. I'd like to think that a life partner could be okay with that.

Emily:

Yeah,

Matty:

I would find it refreshing as opposed to just be pushed away and have someone have their own emotional experience and me wonder what it is. Did I do something? Is it about me? Am I involved in this? Are they having some sort of limiting belief or trauma response from childhood or a past life popping up? Some energy felt similar and their unconscious mind and ego went, screw that right there, you know, so I would accept that for sure. It would just be refreshing, any communication. I wasn't the greatest communicator,

Emily:

communicator.

Matty:

I wasn't the greatest communicator when I was younger in relationships, but that stuff was born out of my own lack of self worth and self respect. So I didn't quite know how to. feel worthy of even getting support from someone else to help meet my own needs. So I didn't do the greatest job ever saying what I needed. Especially when I was confused about how I was feeling or what was going on. I just buried it and stayed quiet and hoped it, hoped it would just smooth itself out. Yeah, it didn't really work out a lot.

Emily:

I did the same thing except it would burst out in emotional responses, like crazy amounts of crying and being confused about what is actually happening. Which kind of brings me to on the same note that you must be willing to take responsibility in meeting your own needs, especially like basic daily needs. There are many times, I mean, especially before I started exercising regularly, it was like, I knew I needed the exercise, but I wasn't willing to give myself that on a daily basis. And therefore it was like, I would act out against other people and be mad at them for like, taking my time away or how dare you make me go to work or, or just a number of things. Like blaming other people for monopolizing my time when I wasn't willing to stand strong. This is what I need and making it happen for myself. And I think that's really important for people to do. If like, if you're someone that needs to exercise daily, then make it happen for yourself. Don't expect someone else to make it happen for you.

Matty:

Being a willing participant in what's in your own best interests is huge. Just like on the opposite side of things. You can't really ever help somebody if they're not willing to help themselves. So you can't expect somebody to meet your own needs if you're not willing to do some of the work, too.

Emily:

If you're expecting your partner to take care of your basic needs, that is kind of something that you can start stepping up and doing for yourself and not putting that on someone else.

Matty:

And you're disempowering yourself if you're expecting them to take care of your needs. All right, I really want to move into number four.

Emily:

Yeah.

Matty:

Because this is one we hear, it'll sound very familiar to you, as well. Us coming from the South, we've heard it a bunch at least, but it's the belief that one and done. You only get one soulmate. You only get to be married one time, if it doesn't work out, that's it. You've had your chance and no more. And I don't know if this has been so prevalent in our lives because we grew up and were raised in the Bible Belt in the Southeast or if it's prevalent all over the country.

Emily:

I'm not sure about that.

Matty:

But this is also something that's played up on TV shows and things that you're one true love, your soulmate. And when you find them, everything will be happily ever after. But souls don't get an opportunity to come to earth and put all of their eggs in one basket. And everything counts on, I did all the things and made all the right choices and so are they and that we're gonna, we're going to nail this and we're going to meet up and then it'll be great. And I'll have my soulmate. It just isn't that way. You make a plan, you make a backup plan. You make probably a hundred backup plans, as a soul in a light body, when you're thinking about what you want to come here and what you want to try to achieve and learn and grow. And who you want to share your life with, who are going to be your close friends, who's going to be your lovers, You know, you get to choose these things ahead of time. You get to choose your parents. But then you have spiritual amnesia and come here with free will. You forgot the plan and then you have free will to deviate from the plan you forgot in the first place. Are you kidding me? One soulmate? Uh uh. It just, it isn't that way. But I know that there are soulmate connections. I know that there are deep connections and that sometimes people's like plan 1a work out and they meet that person and it happens and it's probably amazing. I feel like that worked for me, but I know that I did a lot of work. I know that Emily did a lot of work. And I know we've done a ton of growth together to have the relationship we have. To have this deep love and this bond of mutual respect, trust, unconditional love for each other. Loving who we were because it shaped us into who we are when we got together, when we met. And loving who we're becoming without even knowing who that is. Like, we're on a path together.

Emily:

But we were much older when we got together, too. Like, had you and I got together when we were 18, then I mean.

Matty:

I was a train wreck. I was, too. I'm so glad I didn't meet you when I was 18. Although, you would have been, like, 14. Oh, yeah. That wouldn't have worked out, but.

Emily:

Well, if I were 18, then.

Matty:

But still, I totally agree. Although, I wasn't that much older. I'm glad we didn't meet back then. When we did meet. I, I needed to, I needed to have a lot of relationships and grow and practice. Practice who I wanted to be in relationship and what I wanted from relationship to be able to be the man that I wanted to be with you.

Emily:

And I had to do the same. I had to have some bad relationships. I had some fun relationships, but they weren't exactly relationships meant for the long term. There was no, there was fun times had, but there wasn't that, I couldn't really trust or feel vulnerable and feel accepted in it, you know, and those things are very important. Those are important things to me, but I never would have known that those things were important if I would have just latched onto the first guy that I ever started dating and believed it was happily ever after from there.

Matty:

Yeah, I don't want to knock high school sweethearts, but man, there aren't a lot of those that really work out for the long term anymore.

Emily:

There are, there are some that do.

Matty:

There absolutely are.

Emily:

But it requires a tremendous amount of communication and growth. That is, actually, one of my good friends, she and her high school sweetheart, and they tried not to stay together. But they just kept getting pulled towards each other, but I know it's taken a tremendous amount of communication and growth for them to be together, still.

Matty:

Yeah, they're super cute.

Emily:

Yeah. So it does work out. It does, I think. But I do think that when you get together at such a young age, there is some of these beliefs that could be standing in the way, especially if you expect for your 18 year old or, you know, 18 year old person to never change and stay the same. I mean, 18 year olds are, I mean, they know everything, but they're idiots. I mean, I knew everything when I was 18, of course. Really, 17.

Matty:

Yeah, I was gonna say, I knew everything a little bit before I was 18, You know, my, after my younger twenties, I started to figure out maybe I don't know everything. And then by like 26, 27, I realized everywhere I go, there I am.

Emily:

Oh shit, I don't know anything.

Matty:

I've tried to change everything on the outside so many times and it keeps blowing up in my face. I guess I might have to look in the mirror and decide what I need to change in my inner world. I might have to own up some of the responsibility because it's hard to keep pointing the finger at everything else when you've had different sets of friends and bounced around in different areas of the world and had different lovers throughout different areas of the, I said the world, but at this point just the country.

Emily:

Hi.

Matty:

So the whole point of this number four, one and done, one soulmate, that's just not the truth. They're out there and these connections can feel deep. And. If you've ever noticed that you may have been deeply in love with more than one person in your life. If you have, that right there should show you that there's potential for love in other people. It's not just with one person. Even if those relationships haven't worked out, even if you had a great love of your life and you're no longer with them, there's always the potential for love. We come for growth. We come to learn our lessons. We come to achieve certain things in our life By being here and experiencing being a human, but sharing in love, getting love, giving love this is part of it. And there's always a chance if you're willing to take the chance. If you're willing to put yourself out there. If you're willing to believe in love, there's always a chance.

Emily:

Believe in love. So number five. This is a really big one and I feel like this happens a lot when you, or when all of us have gone through a traumatic time in a relationship, um, two things can happen. Either one, you make the belief, or you take the belief on that their actions, mean something about you. This happens a lot when someone gets cheated on. I've definitely been there. It sucks, but you take on the belief that they never would have done that if you were someone different. Or if you were a better person or this or that or worthy of love or whatever, then they wouldn't have done that. But the truth is, is that you can't control other people's actions. Their actions have nothing to do with you.

Matty:

Sometimes other people are just a dick.

Emily:

Yeah, sometimes people are just dicks.

Matty:

And it wasn't about what you did or didn't do. They just were a dick and didn't respect you enough and cheated. If it's cheating that has come up. This doesn't mean that you're a bad person or you're not worthy of someone respecting you. You may need to look in the mirror and see if you've attracted this situation and needed something to learn from it. But other than that, don't, don't make it more than it is. Like it. It's more than likely they're just a dick.

Emily:

Yeah, and if they don't respect you, then that's on them. That says everything about them, and it doesn't say anything about you unless you make it. So just remember, other people's actions are just that, their actions. And they are responsible for their own actions. And so another side of this kind of same coin is that you take on the belief Or you generalize one person's actions from one time, and you make it across the board and make it for everyone. So, for example, if you were lied to once, you're like, Well, everyone's a liar, so I can never be in a relationship again because I'll just get lied to. Or, everyone cheats, so I'll just get cheated on no matter what. But you can't expect everyone to be the same.

Matty:

Well, and if you hold a belief like that, how do you ever expect to have a relationship that isn't going to end up with being lied to or being cheated on?

Emily:

Or the plethora of other things.

Matty:

Exactly. But if those are the beliefs you're holding, be careful what you believe in. Be careful on making a blanket statement across the board, like Emily said. Just because one person was a dick, it doesn't mean that everybody is. There are anything and everything under the sun in the polarity and duality that we experience. And, I mean, so many shades of grey in between. Of how people are and the level that they will treat you with or respect that they're gonna have. You know, just because one person did something doesn't mean it's always gonna be that way, unless you make it so. Unless you take that belief on and make it so.

Emily:

Yes. So other people's actions are other people's actions. They don't necessarily reflect something about you.

Matty:

Wholeheartedly

Emily:

And so, the sixth one, I really got caught up in this one, especially when I was younger, and, well, maybe even older too. That everyone else is a mirror to you and doing self work is how you change your relationships with certain people.

Matty:

So, if you believe that the world around you is mirroring to you, who and what you are. And that your own self work is going to change the relationship with them, it's unequivocally false. You can't change other people, unless they want to change. If you recognize something's off in the relationship, and you want, you're brave enough, and deep enough to look within and own your responsibility and, or your beliefs that have created this and that you're a part of this and want to make changes. Well, then they need to, too. To create true change. And like self work is, it's so important. Being able to do the inner work, to look within and to own your own stuff. It's so necessary in this world. And I don't think as a whole, the population really dives in and looks at their own responsibility. I can't speak for the entirety of the world, but in America, we're quick to point the finger and blame others. And push them away and not look within at what we're doing to, to help create certain situations within our relationships.

Emily:

And so a big thing about this is that if only one person is doing this inner work to change a relationship, then. If the other person is not making any efforts to make the relationship work or they're not willing to do any inner work to make the relationship better, then the relationship is never going to be the relationship you want it to be with this person, if they're not willing to do the inner work as well. So you can't change a relationship by doing inner work only on yourself. That other person has to first realize, okay, yes, something needs to change in this relationship or I want a deeper relationship too. And they have to make the necessary changes within themselves in order to help change the relationship. But one thing that you find is that if you are someone who is willing to do the inner work, which if you're listening to this, chances are you are that type of person. Then you can change how other people react to you, but it isn't always a positive thing. So you can do this inner work expecting, okay, I want things to get better, you know, with my spouse or with my significant other. I want things to get better with them, so I'm going to do all this inner work, but yet they're not willing to do any inner work. They will change how they respond to you because you have done your inner work, but that isn't always a positive thing. I mean, it can be a positive thing because it shows you that your inner work is working, but their reaction may not feel like a positive thing, because you can't predict how they'll respond.

Matty:

Exactly, you, it may not be what you hoped.

Emily:

Yes.

Matty:

That's a better way of saying that. By doing your own work that you're hoping to shift the relationship or change and communications key. And if you're communicating that something's off and you want to work to change things and they're not working to change things, then you pretty much have your answer right there. They don't see it like you see it. And if you're still trying to do inner work for yourself, just to change the relationship, take a pause. There's a slight bit of manipulation involved with that. If you're doing something to control someone else, to control an outcome, to change something, even though your intention may be a really good one, to have a better relationship, do it for yourself. Do the inner work to change yourself, to make things better for you, to take responsibility for your needs, And see how it shifts that outside world.

Emily:

Well, and I think another thing about this way of thinking, if you're on the one side and you're like, okay, obviously something's wrong. So I need to continue to do inner, this inner work, then you're going to constantly be trying to find something wrong with you. You're going to constantly think that there's something wrong with you because the relationship isn't getting better, if that other person isn't putting in the effort for the relationship. And then it's just like this never ending cycle of okay, well, there has to be something else wrong with me because it's not better yet. And if you're there then I very much sympathize because I have definitely treated a lot of relationships like this in the past thinking okay, well if I can just heal this one more part of me, then this this relationship will get better. Or if I could just keep healing, keep healing, but really it amounts to does that other person, are they willing to try? Are they willing to do the inner work? Are they willing to heal for you?

Matty:

And I really think is we do our own inner work and we change that the magnetism, the attraction, the energetic properties, the resonance of the relationship is going to shift and people that aren't meant for you are probably going to fall away. And if you're unwilling to see that or to let it go before it happens, there may even be a chaotic event that brings this out. So change can happen because you're doing the work, you're changing, you're transformation, you're growing, and you can't stay stuck and transform at the same time. Your world around you will shift, but it may not be in the ways that you hoped. So be willing to let your transformation play out. You're doing good for you, and you're taking responsibility for your own needs, that's amazing.

Emily:

Yes.

Matty:

I applaud you. Fuck yeah for you.

Emily:

Yes, absolutely.

Matty:

But understand that the ideas that you're hoping for may not come to fruition in the way you see. And that something may need to change so that kind of relationship you truly want, but you're trying to see it with the partner you have now might be in the next one. And that's okay. It might be a little scary, but that's okay because that deep love that you want might be around the corner if you're willing to be open to it. So do that inner work.

Emily:

And respect yourself enough to walk away.

Matty:

Yeah. All right. Number seven and this is the last one. We whittled them down to just seven for y'all. But I hear this one and I have oh I've been so guilty of this right here. The belief that someone else, that another person can make you happy or complete you. That's a bitch right there

Emily:

Definitely been guilty of it myself, and I think it kind of goes along with the happily ever after like oh If, if it's the right person, then everything will just magically work out. My whole life will just unfold perfectly before me and that other person can make me happy and they will complete me.

Matty:

We singled this one out because it is, I mean, for me, it kind of plays along with thinking someone else is going to take care of my needs. And happiness is absolutely in need of every single one of us. I sure hope you want to be happy and that you're trying to be happy and you're a willing participant in your own happiness. There is a pervasive belief that someone else will make you happy, that that's true happiness, that it comes through relationship.

Emily:

Happiness comes from within.

Matty:

Exactly. You have to be a willing participant in your own happiness, first. And then you can share in that with another. It could be even greater with another, but if you're not a happy person by yourself, you can't expect to be a happy person just because someone else makes you happy. And it might work for a little while. You might be able to, you know, find some happiness, but again, if you're not helping yourself, if you're not doing the inner work on why you're not happy when you're alone no one else is going to truly make you happy. They might have an action or a gesture that brings some happiness or joy in your life. But the true feeling, the satisfaction that comes with knowing you're happy, knowing you're okay, that comes from within.

Emily:

Yeah, and I find this really interesting. Barbara Brennan talks about in her book, uh, Core Healing. She says, no demand, and she's talking about like demanding something from someone else. Like you need to make me happy or you need to complete me. So no demand can ever be fulfilled because its own nature is dualistic in that it demands to have fulfillment come from another person. Because like we said these things these ideas are an internal process. These are things that can only come from within. Like, what does happiness even mean to you? How in the world could you even convey that to someone else to, to, for them to make you that way? Because.

Matty:

If you have no idea what happiness is to you because you're not happy and you're needing them to make you happy and complete you, how can you even communicate what that is to you if you're not participating in it yourself?

Emily:

And coming from someone who has happiness as one of their life lessons. Happiness is not an easy task. That's why it has to come from within, because happiness is a constant reminder, a constant feeling to, to achieve. And I definitely think that I've had some past lives where I was told, well, we don't just get, we don't get to be happy. That's just not something that our family gets to do. And I've been really working through these and I definitely think that's part of why I chose happiness as a life lesson this time around, because. That's something that I really want because I know that it's something that comes from within and is an internal process. And I don't want to just mentally go into despair or into hopelessness or, I mean, you know, the plethora of things that can happen when you aren't willing to look around and be grateful for what you do have. So the idea that someone else can make you happy is, it's just not true. Happiness is an internal process. And it's something that requires the inner work.

Matty:

Someone else can add to it, but they can't give it to you. This is something I found so very true in my own life. And I know that the culture we live in, buy, buy, buy, dopamine hit, dopamine hit. I mean, marketers and billionaires with things to sell you would just assume you'd be unhappy and think that, well, this shirt will make you happy or that game won't have me, or this makeup, or that car, or whatever it is that's giving you a short term dopamine hit and happiness buzz. You know, realize that these are short term things. That true happiness comes from within.

Emily:

And that's just a lot of really unfair pressure to put on someone else. To be like, you, you don't need to make me happy.

Matty:

Yeah, the energetics of that is very pressuring. If you're expecting someone else to complete you, to make you happy, more than likely, you're just going to push them away. And I, I know that I've done that personally.

Emily:

Yes. I mean, it's like you're like on a freaking circus ride or something. What I guess, no, a fair ride. Where it's like you're just spinning round and round. I'm stewing in my own unhappiness and pissed at you because you're not making me happy. But how can you make, I mean, like if you think about it, that's just kind of crazy to think. Because what could someone else possibly do to make your internal process and your internal dialogue and your internal belief go from being so unhappy to just magically happy like no one action can take that. It takes continued work.

Matty:

Well, and if you're relying on someone else and it's just these momentary things, this action that they were kind. They said this, they did that. Then you always need them to say this or do that to give you some sort of happiness. And that's a lot of pressure. Yeah. Especially, you know, and I know when you're in the courting phase and you're getting to know somebody, sometimes there's a little bit more of those actions and gestures that can take place. But as some of that fades and you've been relying on that. It's just, it's unfair. It just really is. It's just super pressuring. Like I said, I know that I've been guilty of pushing people away. And that was born of my own low self worth and that I look to others to, to bring me happiness. I looked outside of myself because I wasn't giving it to myself, but I didn't understand that it was my responsibility back then. I just didn't. So I did what a lot of us do. I looked outside of myself. I hoped somebody else would bring it to me. I expected to be in a relationship that I would be treated the right way and happy. And my beliefs of not giving it to myself and expecting it from others didn't bring me happiness. It brought me a whole bunch of circumstances and relationships to try to make that connection and I just wouldn't learn the lesson. So I was on repeat for a while in my life.

Emily:

Well, and that's a dualistic belief. I just kind of wanted to reiterate that because this is a dualistic belief, because if you are of the thought that another person can make you happy or whole or complete, then that means that you can never be those things on your own. And so that is dualistic. You're reaching outside of yourself. And putting those things on another thing, but what you really want is to just have those things yourself internally. And so it's difficult to manifest when you're of dualistic thinking, because if you're constantly expecting it from someone else, but you're not willing to give it to yourself, then that's split energy. That's going in two different directions.

Matty:

Yeah, it's not working together. You're going in two different directions and it's working against yourself. Absolutely. And, I mean, people believe that like attracts like when we're living here on earth. The same beliefs are going to attract the same beliefs. And if you have, let's just do something simple like, Okay, if you have the belief that humanity by nature is good. That people are just good people, and you know, we all, we all fuck up sometimes, but we're good people. Then you're going to attract somebody with that same belief in their life. And more than likely, you're going to give good and receive good. And there's the duality. The giving and the receiving.

Emily:

And have more compassion for choices that may not be within that good.

Matty:

Yep.

Emily:

Because you generally believe that they're good.

Matty:

But on the opposite side, if you believe that humanity is bad and you're just hoping to find one of the good ones. That we're born of sin and that we have to live our lives a certain way, or we're just bad. And people out there are just bad, and they're just gonna take on their own, and you just really hope to find the good one like you are. But that's your belief, even if that's unconscious. You're going to attract the same belief in someone else and unfortunately, it's not going to be giving and receiving of good. It's going to be giving and receiving of bad. And you may flip those roles around where you're dishing it out and you might be receiving it. Or you might just be more of the victim, where you're just receiving it. But the belief that people are just kind of bad natured, you know, and there is some good in the world, but you're just hoping to find a good one. But most of humanity's bad. I was taught that growing up, that I needed to act a certain way or I wasn't good. That was a belief I carried. So that's just a, a simple belief, but this is kind of how dualistic things work. Our beliefs attract the like belief, but in reality, it's the opposite working from the duality point. So depending on what your belief is and what you're attracting, the way it works is the opposite attracts. Even though it's a like belief that's attracting. But in duality, you're going to be on one end or the other of that belief. And those roles could be flipping in your relationship back and forth.

Emily:

So I think the big takeaway from this whole episode is just take a look at what it is that you believe when it comes to relationships. Do you have the belief that you're just going to get cheated on, or you're just going to get lied to, or that someone else is meant to make you happy and you're struggling to find that person to make you happy or the people that won't cheat or lie. Then maybe take a look at the beliefs that you have around that, and realize that relationships take two people willing to work for, for it. Willing to do the work and contribute to the happiness of the overall relationship.

Matty:

Absolutely, and you can't expect someone else to give you what you're unwilling to give yourself. That would be the other overall point I would put in there.

Emily:

Goosebumps walk away. I think that's a good ending point though. So be willing to give yourself the best and the best shall be returned.

Matty:

Yeah. All right, y'all. If you're enjoying what we're laying down, we sure appreciate you joining us every week. We sure enjoy sharing our experience and knowledge and our thoughts on a soul aligned life, our experience in the Akashic Records and what it's like living here in duality from that soul mindset. We sure enjoy sharing it with you.

Emily:

And if you do feel like you are starting to do this inner world searching and you discover that you do have some dualistic beliefs that are affecting your relationships. We are still offering past life regressions through December and we would love to work with you. These are definitely things that we hold close to our hearts. This list was made up of things that we had to learn the hard way ourselves, so we definitely can relate and it would be an honor to help lead you to a more healthy belief.

Matty:

Yeah, we can help you find those root causes and nip them in the bud through awareness.

Emily:

Through awareness and love. Yeah. And meeting with your spirit guide to reinforce that love and those lessons. We are so grateful for everyone that's joined us today on the show and we hope you have a wonderful week.

Matty:

We sure do.