Soul Vibe Insights

How To Cope With Holiday Trauma

• Emily Pearl and Matty Hollingsworth • Episode 21

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In this podcast [episode 21] Emily and I are having an honest conversation about Holiday Trauma in an effort to destigmatize the affects of suffering alone. A lot of holiday trauma is exacerbated by the "perfect" family scenarios put forth by media and social norms for you to live up to. The reality is life is messy and so are the holidays! We'll be sharing a little of our experiences before diving into making the most of your holidays despite past or present traumatic scenarios.

The holidays can be a magical time of the year, but it also comes with its heightened stresses and holiday trauma which according to the American Psychology Association affects a whopping 89% of the populace. Grief from holiday trauma is a huge factor, but it's not always as straight forward 
as grieving the loss of a loved one. 

We'll be offering plenty of tips for how to cope with holiday trauma so you can find more joy this season. We hope this discussion and these tips help you to realize you’re not alone, that we love you and we support your endeavor for healing and desire to experience more joy and togetherness during this season. We Wish You Happy Holidays! 

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Share your thoughts and experiences with how you navigate holiday trauma and stresses with us or ask a question at vibin@soulvibeinsights.com

Loving Light,

Matty and Emily

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Matty:

Hey there amazing souls and welcome to today's show. Emily and I are excited to be back with you during this holiday season and we want to tackle a topic that we both have a lot of experience with and that is holiday trauma.

Emily:

Well first I want to say happy holidays, Merry Christmas, because I know this is going to air on Christmas day. So if anyone out there is having a hard time making it through the day, then we hope that we can at least be some sort of beacon of comfort or solace or just to let you know that you are not alone if you are experiencing any type of holiday trauma. There's this picture perfect idea that everyone's family has to be perfect and loving and caring and supportive. And all of these crazy things are highlighted in movies and ads, but that is not the reality for most people. Just because perfect doesn't exist. I'm not saying that there aren't happy families out there, I'm just saying the perfect doesn't exist and there's this kind of like the happily ever after, there's this glorified vision of what a happy family looks like, and it's impossible to live up to because perfect doesn't exist.

Matty:

Yeah, perfect family, perfectly supporting one another, it's all smiles all the time. I just feel like the unconscious implication is if your family growing up or if your life right now isn't this way, that you're doing it wrong somehow.

Emily:

But we're here to experience all of the, all of the human emotions, all of them.

Matty:

Reality is just different for pretty much all of us, for every family out there. You know, life is all the things, and it gets messy, and so do the holidays. So let's jump in. Just about everyone has dealt with some sort of trauma around the holidays. According to the American Psychology Association, 89 percent of people report that they experience heightened levels of stress during the holiday season. This doesn't break it down whether it's from a trauma or it's just a holiday, but experiencing heightened levels of stress is traumatic in and of itself. Definitely. We all have our own way of dealing and coping, and we may not even realize that it's holiday trauma that we're experiencing during this time of the year. But we just really wanted to make sure to point out that you're not alone, that a lot of us are going through this or have gone through this and are at different levels of recovering, healing, empowering ourselves, figuring out how the holidays work for us in our own way. And that's the most important thing is finding some awareness and figuring out how to make this season work for you.

Emily:

Yeah, this is definitely a topic that Matty and I have struggled with separately and together throughout our relationship and our marriage. With each year we are trying to implement new things to create more tradition, to create more joy and more happiness. And it's really interesting because when we started thinking about this podcast episode. We started trying to think back about our lives and we realized that there, we've had some pretty intense things happen during holiday breaks as we were kids and even as adults. In the reading that I've been doing, like with the Gene Keys, it talks about how we go through these seven year cycles in our lives. And so that if something happens like in a younger seven year cycle, then it will continue to be repeated until it's healed in your life. And I mean, that's kind of, you know, goes along with the idea of life lessons and having these themes in your life that keep repeating until you learn the lesson. So this is definitely something that Matty and I have been learning and working with.

Matty:

I was about to say and working with and going through. And at the other side is growth and there's been growth.

Emily:

Yeah. I mean, this holiday season feels so much lighter to us than the past. Just to give you a little bit of a background, I mean, I guess we can both talk separately about our different experiences because some of them happened when we were together. And then some of them happened, you know, way before we even knew each other. So, I mean, starting out when I was 12, my parents divorced, so Christmases were just different from that point on. And then when I was 14 we moved with my mother to a different part of the state, so that in itself was just like this huge upheaval. And being moved from, you know, one place, the place that I'd known all my life to another place that I didn't know anyone. I had never even been there prior to moving there, so it was kind of, uh, it was just a big change. And then now like driving back and forth to both of my parents house, like being far, you know, like an hour away. And it also was in a different time zone, so it was just kind of like this crazy thing to get used to for me. Um, so that was when I was 14 starting a new high school in the middle of my freshman year of high school. And then a couple years later, three years later, I ended up having a, I ended up getting pregnant very young. I was barely 17 and I was more or less forced into having an abortion and that happened during Christmas break. And I was you know, full of so much shame and it was really difficult for me to face myself and face what happened. And I didn't really have the emotional support. I mean, I didn't even really realize at the time, like how difficult it was going to be for me. You know, in the, just really in the following years and, and continued to be because I first lost like this idea of family and togetherness, like with my family, and then it was like the loss of a baby and feeling that loss of family and togetherness. And then as I got older, it just seemed like this holiday break, upheaval has continued to be a pattern. Um, quitting jobs during the holidays and having to start fresh. Crazy things happening with a long time job at a holiday party and having to quit after being inappropriately touched and finding out about a boss doing that to other people and realizing, you know, fuck this. So just just I wanted to kind of give a little bit of background how this is definitely something that I I feel very deeply and that this is definitely something that I personally have struggled with.

Matty:

Yeah, I know for me I have a similar story of childhood. My parents, when I was in sixth grade, I remembered they'd been fighting more and more and I didn't sleep a lot at night. I think they kind of waited until the kids were in bed, but I would hear them arguing a lot at night. And then right after Christmas, they said they were separating. And before New Year's, my dad was living in a new house. And the following year, during Thanksgiving break, mom told my sister and I that we were leaving Ohio and moving to Georgia. That that was happening and she and dad were gonna get divorced. And they divorced right after Christmas, like the 26th and we were in a car on the 27th, heading down to Georgia. So I definitely feel like, I mean I didn't know at the time, but I lost both the, the idea of home and family togetherness right at the holidays. Like many of us, I've also experienced really close family members that have passed away during the holidays. My grandma passed on Christmas Eve, she was the matriarch of the family. Kept everyone together and visiting and, I have a lot of good memories of, you know, 20 to 30 of us hanging around Mama's house and stuff. That one's always a little delicate when the holiday rolls around. Holiday trauma always comes with grief, whether it's actually from the loss of a loved one or, you know, the upheaval of a job or a move or your parents splitting up or you wish it was a way that it never was. And you grieve for not having had that opportunity at life that way, had a little more togetherness or supportive family. So I know that, uh, grief can be challenging for us all around the holidays. I've had some of my own job upheavals come up around the holidays and, you know, have left jobs or time things around. And I didn't realize it was a pattern until Emily and I started to do that inner work and self reflect and self analyze. And realize like, Oh, These are ongoing patterns in our lives and in some ways I was helping to cement it in and keep it there by choosing certain times around the holidays to create my own turbulence and chaotic energy. Even if something wasn't coming out of left field for me.

Emily:

We were like why are we so depressed during the holidays, why do we just want to hide out and wish it all away. Although for many years, we pretty much worked over the holidays. I mean, some jobs we didn't even get, you know, Christmas Eve off, so there was a lot of that too. And then it's like, Oh, if I don't want to be working, then I need to be quitting.

Matty:

Yeah. Right. Yeah.

Emily:

So.

Matty:

We know that being uprooted in some sense during the holiday break is something a lot of us have experienced. Like Emily and I shared our experience, but we know that this happens with a lot of families out there. There's a two week break from school, so it provides an opportunity to switch things up, make moves, change of directions, you know, and parents seize this. If you were a part of this in your childhood or have had to make these tough choices as a parent, I know that it, the trauma can live on the memories of what have happened and they get associated with this holiday timeframe too.

Emily:

Yeah, I will say it was pretty impressive. My mom somehow moved from one house to the other. Well, like while we were with my dad for, for Christmas Eve and then we come to the house on Christmas day and somehow she had unpacked and put up the Christmas decorations and somehow found time to shop. I mean.

Matty:

Wow.

Emily:

Superwoman.

Matty:

Trying to give you a semblance of something as normal as she could like a holiday celebration.

Emily:

Yeah.

Matty:

Wow.

Emily:

It was pretty incredible, you know, thinking about all that.

Matty:

Finding the bright spot within it, right? When we can.

Emily:

Okay, moving on.

Matty:

So talking about the fact that there's a lot of grief, and it can be straightforward because we've lost a loved one or just you're grieving something else, some other area, like the loss of family togetherness, losing a happy home, losing childhood innocense. Grieving for a life that you aren't living, like the ones on TV. And I just wanted to say that it's natural for grief to get stirred up around these things. There is nothing wrong with you. This is natural for it to come up and to allow yourself to feel the grief, the sadness, whatever it is you are feeling. But if you can, the key is to not get lost in it and attach yourself to it and know that it will pass.

Emily:

Yeah, and a good way to do that is to literally be like, all right, I am feeling grief right now. Like, allow yourself to cry, allow yourself to feel sad, but really try not to, figure it out, because you don't necessarily have to figure it all out to let it pass. But I do believe that, you know, the right memories and the right things will come to you when needed so that you can bring that awareness into your psyche to allow it to pass. But if you stress out too hard by trying to force it, then it will just make, you know, the pressure a lot harder. And, and make it a lot more difficult to deal with.

Matty:

And I have learned to take solace knowing that I grieve because I've loved and because I do love still. And that there's something that I held dear and that my heart was capable of having the opposite kind of feelings, experiencing joy and love and for me to even have a reason to be grieving.

Emily:

And I feel like this is true even if you, like, definitely if you've lost people during the holidays, but I mean, you, even if you lost someone at a different part of the year, you could still be missing their presence during the holidays and during, you know, the family get togethers. So I think it's completely natural to have that part of your heart, you know, thinking about that person that you loved and that person that you miss and that you wish. You know, they were there with you in your family celebration or in your, or just with you in your heart.

Matty:

That's a real good point, honey. There are other people that aren't with us anymore that I sure wish they are when we all get together and we definitely, we try and remember the fun times, the love, the uniqueness of those that aren't there or what we're longing for. The silliness, again, counteracting that grief when we can, where we can. But just allowing it to be what it is. And it doesn't define us.

Emily:

I know. And if you can, really just try to find support in your friends and family. You know, even if that's your chosen family. But just, if you're feeling down or upset, really try to find something that is joyful to you, that you can relish in and enjoy. Even if it's, you know, Christmas lights or your puppy dog snuggles, or, you know, a delicious glass of eggnog or a cupcake.

Matty:

I was just thinking about Uncle Skip and he loved backgammon. Really? Yeah. There are times you just play a game of backgammon and be like I miss you. I love you, Uncle Skip. I can't help but think of you when this is happening.

Emily:

I miss his stories. And I put this on here too. This, this can happen any time of the year, not just during the holidays, but a lot of time the anniversary of a specific trauma can show up in your mentally, emotionally, or even physically. And what I mean by that, the anniversary, like basically like the date that it happened and it keeps showing up in your body or your mental state or your emotional state, you know, every subsequent year until you can really like face and heal. And when we say heal, when you're healing from grief, I'm never saying, you know, you forget about the person that you love. It's just that you are able to think about them fondly and, and not get so triggered. It's really about slowing down the triggers, not being very emotionally heightened by the thought or by, you know, what happened. And so that's really what we mean. We just mean, you know, not being taken out and, and having to stay in bed for days at a time. That's it's about being able to just, you know, pick yourself up by the bootstraps and know that it happened. And accept that it happened, but also feel the feels about it happening in any way that you find necessary.

Matty:

Accept that it happened is huge because that means you're not in denial or you're not denying or just trying to distract yourself from something because it hurts, because that loss is creating so much hurt. There's one surefire way through anything, and that is through it. To feel it, because you've lived through it already. But not to deny those feelings, to work through them. Like Emily says, to where you have your feels, but you're not losing yourself to it and losing your days to it. And supporting each other, and finding support is huge.

Emily:

Being able to ask for help.

Matty:

Yeah, oh God.

Emily:

Definitely something I'm working on. Maybe a lifetime, lifetime work.

Matty:

That was one of the scariest things for me for a long time was asking for help, admitting that I even needed it, even though I didn't, I never thought I was perfect or the strongest person ever, but just being able to break down and be vulnerable to ask for help and support. And then afford that to others because we all can use a little help and support at times.

Emily:

Definitely. And so in this next part, we are going to talk about some ways that trauma can show up in your body. And this can be either at the same time every year. This could be during the holidays. This could be just things to take notice of. And so the first one, or the first group is like, restlessness, nervousness, jumpiness, twitchiness just being anticipatory about a certain time of the year, a certain event. You know, something that just like really triggers these feelings within you that bring up, you know, the trauma that, that you experienced.

Matty:

Yep. For me, this is kind of like the, some of the unconscious signals too, that there is some latent trauma in here, in the body, because the body keeps the score. And so does your emotional body and that those energies together. You know, like having big rushes of anxiety at the idea of spending time with certain people. Or, you know, financial stress, or the expectations, especially around the holidays. There can be some financial stress and expectations of loved ones. And you're trying to, you know, do for them and get the right gifts together, and, you know, get in the giving season, and then you got all this holiday stress wrapped up in it too. You know, that's a, it can be a tough pill right there to manage all that wrapped up in one and that, you know, the body can remember.

Emily:

Yeah, and this could also manifest as digestive issues, allergic reactions, headaches, or any other sort of physical discomfort that happens, you know, repeatedly year after year during the same time.

Matty:

You could have exacerbated feelings of like sadness, loneliness, isolation and even nostalgia for a time when it wasn't that way that it is right now or for the idea of something you never had but wish you did. You could have this longing, this nostalgia for things as well could be showing up.

Emily:

Yeah, and the last one we have down is that it could, you know, manifest as depression or this feeling of heaviness, like struggling to just get out of bed or struggling to do the things that you ideally want to get done. And it's just a little bit more difficult.

Matty:

And again, wanted to just sort of reiterate that a lot of this stuff is exacerbated by what's put out there for us as some perfect image of what the holidays are supposed to go like. We talked about it right at the beginning, but I just wanted to reiterate that this shows up in movies and commercials and social media.

Emily:

Well, and yeah.

Matty:

Advertisements.

Emily:

I mean, advertisements literally try to prey on your insecurities and on your emotions, trying to make you feel upset and bad about yourself. I mean, not all of them, But a lot of them do. Because they want you to go out and buy that thing to make your life better.

Matty:

Yeah, go get the perfect gift and it'll all be good. Doodaloo, doodaloo, doodaloo.

Emily:

And I do feel like it's important to mention that, I mean, change is just a part of life. I mean, that's really one of the only constants is change. And fearing change or trying to stop change is really just going to be more of a headache than, than it's worth, because that's just not something that you can do. Unfortunately, you can't stop your family from growing up. You can't stop yourself from growing older. You can't keep your children young. That's just not a part of what life is all about. We're all here to grow. We're all here to to learn and we're all here to change.

Matty:

It truly is one of the universal constants. Growth, expansion, change, contraction. However you're doing change, it's movement. Change is one of those things that we all go through.

Emily:

Yeah, and I know we mentioned this earlier, but the reality is just so different for I mean, everyone's reality is different. And so whatever your family may or may not be like, it is important to just try to appreciate for what it is. And I mean, obviously if you're in an abusive situation, then it's best to try to find the support you need and try to find those, chosen family members that, that do love and support you.

Matty:

Sometimes the, the family we choose and we create with others is those bonds can run deep, really deep. So we wanted to jump into some tips to help manage the holiday trauma in these times of year.

Emily:

Yeah, let's lighten

Matty:

the mood

Emily:

a little bit.

Matty:

Alright.

Emily:

Because it is Christmas after all.

Matty:

Because the holidays can be, you know, so stressful and busy, it's really good to make sure that you get enough or that you give yourself enough time for the things that we all know and we try to do, I hope. Like enough sleep, rest, moments of stillness in this crazy chaotic holiday times where it feels like everything's amplified and we got to move quick enough to get it all done. Are you affording yourself enough time for play? To be a kid yourself, have some playtime. Read something fun. Play a game, for real. Literally play.

Emily:

Sing.

Matty:

Oh, sing. Sing is joyful, yeah.

Emily:

Even if it isn't the crazy holiday songs, but definitely find a song that makes you happy to sing.

Matty:

Course, exercise. If you have a routine, or if you don't have a routine. Holidays are a great time to make sure you're keeping up with that routine or starting an exercise routine. And something simple, just, we talked about this, uh, I don't know if it was the last podcast or the one before, but, It's been huge in our lives to have a 30 to 40 minutes and we do it 4 to 6 times a week. We've gotten to where we're really regular about it. It has made a world of difference in our lives to have consistent exercise.

Emily:

Yes. Emotional, emotionally, mentally and physically, it has definitely helped us so much.

Matty:

All the lovely snacking and cookies and treats during the holiday season, make sure you're getting enough healthy eating too. You know, get your vegetables in. Cook your own meals. Taking in the abundance of life force within healthy food is always good for you.

Emily:

Definitely remember to practice self care, whatever that means to you. Self love and practice compassion when you're on the road or in a busy store or waiting in line, patience and compassion can go a long way in those types of situations. Make sure you speak kindly to yourself. But even on the other side, try to speak kindly about others in your mind. Sometimes, you know, it's more difficult, and sometimes you might find yourself, like, judging another person. And, and I mean, that's just how our mind works, that we are definitely drawn to judging others, but just realize it's a judgment. And then, either try to counteract it with something else, like I try to say, like, I love you or, or just kind of send love or, you know, just tell yourself you didn't mean that because, you know, even your thoughts carry these negative vibrations. And if you're thinking negatively of someone, especially someone, you know, you don't know, you're just kind of, you're sending out those negative thought forms out to that person for, I mean, no reason. I mean, it may seem like a reason in your mind, but

Matty:

Oh yeah, I mean, could definitely be frustrated by an action of theirs or something, but I definitely try to counteract that if I have a judgment or a negative thought about myself or about someone else. I try my best to catch it and, No what I really mean is.

Emily:

Because I don't want to be spreading that kind of negative thought forms out.

Matty:

Well, and if we are, we can add something more positive, something more loving by intentionally choosing that way of thinking, that way of speaking, that way of emoting. It's a choice.

Emily:

Yeah, and definitely speak kindly to yourself in your own mind. And speak kindly about yourself when you are talking about yourself to others. Like self deprecating, self sabotaging talk is not helping you or anyone else. And again, you're like sending those negative thought forms to yourself when you do that. And so if that's a pattern, I know that that's kind of an established pattern, you know, in my family, but if that's the same in your family, then really try to counteract that and, and not speak negatively about yourself. I mean, you're doing the best you can, and I'm sure you are an amazing person because everyone is unique and special and has wonderful gifts to share.

Matty:

So extend some of that compassion and acceptance for yourself. Appreciate and nurture your unique vibe, your beingness. Cause that's what life's all about, just being us, being you, being me, being we, and being totally cool with it. So another good way to help yourself out to manage this time of year is if you've got or had some holiday trauma, like identify or bring awareness to what triggers you. The more you're aware of, the less you'll be caught off guard from. And you'll be able to handle things better as they come up because you're doing the inner work ahead of time. Awareness is a first step toward healing, holiday trauma, or at least starting to take some of the power back from things. With anything, but especially with stuff like trauma and stresses, there can be conscious components, or you could be consciously aware of triggers, or there could be unconscious triggers that you're not even aware of, or haven't associated that. So finding that awareness is huge. The conscious stuff will be more obvious. You'll probably know the scenarios, or know what frustrates you, what riles you up. The biggest thing here, and we'll talk a little more about this, is if you're consciously aware of what's triggering you, then setting some boundaries will be huge. If you're not really sure of the awareness, or like, why you're consciously getting triggered by things, then again, be willing to do some inner work. Be willing to question yourself and explore holiday scenarios. Ask yourself why you feel triggered with the holidays coming up. Or what energy is it during the holidays that is similar to something in your past that creates this reaction or this trigger response within you. And if you're in the middle of something, like in a moment with people or at holiday function, be willing to excuse yourself and step away for a moment. So you can check in with why you're feeling this way, why you're having these reactions, why you're feeling triggered in this moment. I mean, it may be obvious, like, that something that happened in that moment that brought it up, but what's the connection that's creating that trigger, that huge reaction that you're getting? Especially if you notice that the way you feel, the intensity, and what is happening don't really align. That means there's something triggering you, triggering your unconscious, things that are buried, things that have happened before, triggering a pattern. Cozy up with your intuition trust your responses and the guidance that you get. Developing your intuition will help you with obviously holiday trauma that we're talking about, but it will help you with anything and everything to come for the remainder of your lifetime. So tap in. Use your intuition, especially when you're trying to explore the unconscious stuff.

Emily:

It could be someone's energy, like coming together with their energy. So sometimes, you know, when it's something like that, it's a little bit more difficult to, to put your finger on, but I know, I mean, I know in my family, sarcasm is a huge thing. And so sarcasm can be very triggering because it is. It's not really a kind way to communicate.

Matty:

Oh, sarcasm is big in my family too. I used to be pretty sarcastic until I realized I don't like how I feel when I'm using sarcasm. It's not really that funny.

Emily:

Well, really sarcasm is just being a dick and then being, and then acting like it's a joke because most of the time it is aimed to try to make someone feel bad.

Matty:

Yeah. Knock somebody down just a little and feel better about yourself. It doesn't really work, but it's a power play. It's, it's an energy exchange. And that's, that's what feels better to somebody is they've, they've gained a little energy.

Emily:

Yeah.

Matty:

Yeah.

Emily:

Exactly. So it's an energetic power play.

Matty:

So the next thing is, I hinted at it, and now we're going to talk about setting the necessary boundaries. Your mental and emotional health is the most important thing. And you are ultimately responsible for your own. We all are. No one can be responsible for our own wellbeing. I mean, our parents might try to for a while, but ultimately, I mean, especially when you hit adulthood, you're responsible for your world, your feelings, your mental makeup, what's happening here, the choices you do. And if you feel like you need to set boundaries in the first place, It is more than likely that those that you need boundaries with aren't going to be looking out for your best interests and your mental and emotional health anyway.

Emily:

Well, I don't know if that's completely true because I think boundaries are necessary just period. Boundaries are teaching another person your needs and how to love you. And so I think that boundaries are necessary with anyone.

Matty:

That's a really beautiful way to put that. I was just thinking in terms of using boundaries to keep yourself safe and take care of your own self. But you're right. That isn't completely true that because you need boundaries, that somebody isn't willing to be on the lookout for what's best for you. There are definitely cases that people are willing to work with your boundaries and get to know you better and how to better have that relationship. How to build that together. You're absolutely right. Thank you for that.

Emily:

Now, if you're setting boundaries with toxic members of your friendships or family, then it may be a little bit more difficult because chances are they have really enjoyed you not having boundaries and being able to take advantage of of your lack of boundaries. And a lot of times resentment stems from not putting boundaries down. It's allowing someone else to well, I shouldn't even say it's about allowing someone else. But it's about you allowing someone else to make requests and you continue to say yes when you want to say no and you're not putting the necessary boundaries down to protect yourself from this frustration or from being taken advantage of. I mean, some people would just love to take advantage of you all day long, but it's up to you. You're the responsible one to put those boundaries down in order to keep that from happening. Unfortunately, not everyone can know when enough is enough. And, sometimes that requires mind reading. Like, when enough is enough, sometimes people don't realize that. Cause you know, you're expecting them to read your mind and be like, Ugh, how do you not know this is too much for me?

Matty:

I just figured you'd say no when, when you couldn't do that or, you know, that enough was enough. I just figured you'd tell me no. So I just kept asking. I just kept asking for things. You just kept saying yes. I mean,

Emily:

I just figured what's the problem here. Yeah. I just figured you're a fountain to serve me and it's fine. So it is up to you to place your own boundaries. That is important.

Matty:

And be willing to say no. It's a two letter word. It rolls off the tongue so easy, no.

Emily:

And if the other person is upset, then you just have to be okay with that discomfort of their upsetness. I know that's not a word, but it feels, it feels right.

Matty:

And you're right about the, a lot of resentment is from not putting boundaries down. I've spent a lot of my time, or a lot of my life with resentment and really once I dug into it, I was just mad at myself because I'd let someone push past my boundaries because I wasn't holding them. And I wasn't ever saying no, that it was really me who I was resentful at. When for a while I would try to point the finger at, you know, well, how can they not know? They just take too much or it's kind of like, oh, well, if I'm going to be self responsible, then I need to put my own boundaries down and hold them. Yeah, you're so right about the way I wanted to come back to that, cause you were spot on there. The last thing I wanted to say was if you know, you're going to go to a situation that you may end up getting triggered or you want to participate in something, but, you know, there could be some scenarios that unfold that may not be the best for you. And it may just be a completely like totally cool, fine evening as well. Like have an exit strategy plan ahead of time. Just know that if, you know, X, Y, or Z comes up, you're just gonna, you know, if you need to, Hey, I, it's, Oh, look at the time. I gots to go.

Emily:

Or if you come with a friend or a significant, you know, other than. If there's somebody that you know specifically that will trigger you, let them know that if they see you being cornered by this specific person, then to come and save you. So that could be something too. Or, you know, like Matty said, Oh, I got to go now.

Matty:

Yeah, it's good if you, if you got a buddy and you can run some interference and stuff like that, or just, you know, someone's keeping an eye on you and you're keeping an eye on them. Emily and I have the agreement that at any time, if we're out together and one of us comes to the other or looks at it and just says, we got to go.

Emily:

Yeah. If there's ever any uncomfortableness or any sort of no questions asked, exactly. No questions.

Matty:

It's time to go. Boom. When we go.

Emily:

So let's end on a happy note.

Matty:

Yes.

Emily:

A more happy note.

Matty:

Sometimes you need to create positive new traditions. I think a lot of times this can just boil down to trying to shift the traditions within your family, you know, try to tweak what goes on. If there's something that you don't really like, try to instill something different. Talk to your family about it. Hey, you know, this brings up this for me. How about we do this instead? Would everybody be in agreement?

Emily:

Yeah, I mean, or if it's just a very bad situation, you know, with your family, then create new traditions with your chosen family or your friends. Just try to create some sort of joy and happiness for yourself around this time to try to shift out of those, that, that holiday trauma that keeps resurfacing. Just try to, to do something to bring joy to break out of that pattern.

Matty:

And this isn't about denying it or running from it. This is about empowering yourself to create positive traditions, new ones. And if that's with your family and friends that you have and you can shift those things, great. But like Emily said, often this means creating new ones with new people in your life, with the chosen family.

Emily:

And you want to make sure that these people are though are people that help you feel happier, you know not just running to the same patterns that were in your childhood.

Matty:

Yeah, and you can support each other. As often when you're choosing your family there's usually something similar that's gone on and you have that understanding. Why you'd even want to create some new traditions together around the holidays. So, support each other, support that new family, those new friends, those chosen ones.

Emily:

And more than anything, just try to create some peace and joy within yourself, whatever that looks like to you. You know, and you can always start with basic things. I mean, if you enjoy putting up Christmas decorations, just try to be more mindful when you're doing that. If you enjoy looking at the lights outside, just try to be more mindful and more present while you're doing those things and cultivate that joy within. I mean, if you like some of the tasty treats or hot cocoa or some mulled cider, whatever brings joy to you, just try to be more mindful when you're enjoying those things. And that can help cultivate joy, starting within.

Matty:

Relish in it.

Emily:

Hi honey. We have a sweet little Aspen barking at us right now, ruffing at us. That's how she likes to get our attention.

Matty:

Yep. Well, those are the things we wanted to share, experiences around the holidays and some tips on how to manage and navigate if you're experiencing stress or have had some holiday trauma. Thank you so much for joining us today. If you've been digging what we're laying down, cause we sure love podcasting and sharing our experiences and our knowledge. And this as an artistic form has been so much fun for us. It lights us up to reach out and talk to y'all once a week like this. Emily and I really enjoy it. So if you know other like minded, amazing souls like yourself, share our podcasts with them, let them know that we're out here doing this. We would love to be connecting with the others that you know in your world too.

Emily:

Yeah. One thing Matty and I have always loved in our entire friendship and our relationship in marriage is we love to dive deep into relationships with each other. So it's nice to be able to dive in deep with you all as well.

Matty:

It sure is.

Emily:

And we really enjoy being together with you in this space. And we have great gratitude for your presence with us today. And we hope that you have a wonderful holiday, rest of your holiday season. We're, you know, counting down the days to 2025. Oh my God, that sounds so futuristic.

Matty:

Doesn't it? Seeing as it's Christmas today, Emily and I wanted to offer our guidebook, 7 ways to co create with your soul and a healing meditation bundled together for free for anyone looking to connect deeper with themselves and they would like a healing meditation to connect you deeper to your intuition and the energetics of your line of purpose. There will be a link in the description to the show for you. This will help you recognize the signs and signals your soul is sending to you, and how to move forward in more alignment. There will be some follow up emails to further instill the knowledge, and give you tons of tips on how to better align with your soul's calling. And the meditation is designed to be listened to anytime you need to relax, connect deep, and invigorate your calling. And we know this topic today of trauma around the holidays is huge, and quite often deeply personal to each of us. If you have something to add that we didn't cover, send us an email. Tell us what you do to manage the holiday trauma, or your stresses around this time of year. Or if you just want to share your experience, or what's happened in your life. We're here for you. We'd love to know what's going on with you and on your mind. As always, there will be a link in the description for a way to email us. I always put that in every show's notes. We sure hope this discussion and these tips have helped you realize that you're not alone and that we love you and we support your endeavor for healing and your desire to experience more joy and togetherness during this season. Emily and I wish you a happy holidays, a merry Christmas, and a whatever you celebrate to be as joyous as possible for you.

Emily:

Yes. Happy holidays. We'll see you next week on new Year's.

Matty:

Yeah. Much love y'all. Bye.

Emily:

Bye.