Soul Vibe Insights

Self Awareness Creates Transformation in Relationships

• Emily Pearl and Matty Hollingsworth • Episode 36

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Have you ever caught yourself reacting in a way that didn’t make sense, even to you? Or wondered why the same relationship patterns keep showing up again and again, no matter how much you grow?  

In this [episode 36], Emily and I explore the power of self-awareness as the gateway to true transformation in your relationships, with others and with yourself. Because you can't change what you're not aware of. And once you are, you open the door to healing, deeper connection, and soul-aligned living.  

Join us as we break down the 3 types of self-awareness: internal, external, and self-reflective. And how each one plays a vital role in creating more fulfilling, conscious connections. We’ll guide you through real-life reflections, energetic insights, and intuitive tools that help you uncover your own blind spots with grace, not judgment.  

What You’ll Discover in This Episode: 

  • How to recognize when you're reacting from unhealed patterns.  
  • Why most people think they're self-aware, but aren’t and what to do about it. 
  • The role of childhood conditioning and ancestral energy in your emotional responses.  
  • Why becoming the observer of your thoughts and emotions is key to change. 
  • How to use intuition to uncover your deepest blocks and begin shifting them. 

Whether you’re navigating a romantic relationship, deepening your self-love, or trying to finally move past a limiting pattern, this conversation will help you understand yourself in a new light, so that you can create the love, joy, and peace you deserve. 

***If you're ready to have a deeper connection to your intuition, so that you can take your journey of self awareness to the next level and connect deeper with your values and motivations. The Link below will give you the inside scoop on our Accessing the Akashic Records course: "Akashic Attunement: A Journey to Intuitive Mastery." You're going to learn how to tap into the transformational resource of your soul's energetic record and quantum shift your life!

Get the Details for Learning How to Access the Akashic Records!

Share what resonated with you the most about self awareness and transformation or ask us a question at vibin@soulvibeinsights.com

Loving Light,

Matty and Emily

Support the show

Matty:

Hello, amazing souls and welcome to today's show. I've got Emily back with me this week after doing a meditation myself last week.

Emily:

Hey everybody.

Matty:

We are really excited to be back here with you once again together doing this podcasting thing. We're gonna be discussing something that we find super interesting and really has transformed both of our lives immensely. And that is self-awareness.

Emily:

Yeah. Cultivating more self-awareness.

Matty:

Absolutely.

Emily:

Understanding self-awareness, learning about self-awareness.

Matty:

Being willing to ask yourself questions, dive in deep to what makes yourself tick, what makes yourself tock. Why did you do that thing you just did? What does it mean to you?

Emily:

Yeah, those are all really important questions, especially when you are looking to correct, well, maybe not correct, but at least change different parts of your actions or motivations or, reactions, I guess is a better word to say.

Matty:

I was thinking reactions just then too.

Emily:

Yeah. When you're looking at like irrational emotional reactions, then that's probably something that, you know, at least causes you to go, Hmm, what? Why did that happen? Or why did I react that way? Or,

Matty:

what was it in that, that created my reaction in me?

Emily:

So it's really interesting. So should we do a life update first?

Matty:

We've got a pretty good one that's really meaningful to us.

Emily:

Yeah. We're in Sedona right now. We're hanging out at a house that we've been to before, keeping two little kitties. Well, one is a little kitten. She's like less than one. And then the other one is an older, older cat that we have met before. So the younger one is a, is a new one. But they have this incredible custom built house where we are basically staring right at courthouse rock. And then if we walk over a little bit, we can see Bell Rock. We can also see, can we see cathedral from here?

Matty:

If we step out onto the porch, we can see Cathedral.

Emily:

Yeah. And I can't remember what that big rock is called, but

Matty:

well just behind us are the twin sisters and the famous catholic chapel.

Emily:

Yeah, so there are lots of the quintessential and just incredible views in Sedona, just right from the house, but we have made it out to some really cool hikes as well. And yeah, it's just, I don't know, it's like a big deep breath when you're in Sedona. It's just this incredible place to kind of reset and review your life.

Matty:

Every time we've come here, since we've been open-ended traveling since August of 21, it, it's just like, in a sense, a bit of a coming of home for my soul. It just feels that way. There's something so familiar and peaceful about here. And I mean, obviously hanging out in these Red Rock canyons and the energy Vortices is pretty fantastic and kind of eyeopening, if you will, the Conversations with Mother Nature I've had there.

Emily:

Yeah. So if you've never been to Sedona it, put it on your bucket list. It is definitely worth checking out. I mean, we've never been really anywhere in the world like it, and it's just this incredible place to, to recharge your batteries.

Matty:

All right, so that's our life update. Yeah. We are super happy being here if you can't tell the way we're talking about Sedona and our experiences.

Emily:

Yeah. So let's jump in. Self-awareness, fun stuff.

Matty:

Yeah. Okay. So let's start really basic and simple. The definition of self-awareness is the conscious knowledge of one's own character, feelings, motives, and desires.

Emily:

Yeah. It seems simple enough, right?

Matty:

It seems pretty straightforward. Like check. I, I understand all those words.

Emily:

Except it is interesting because it seems like most people know what they don't want more than what they actually do want. And I'm gonna lump myself into that category as well. I feel like a lot of my life's been an exploration of what I don't want and, you know, getting closer and closer towards what I do want.

Matty:

I would say the majority of my life, especially 'cause it's, it's always easier to put on the lens of hindsight and kind of review the life, but remembering where I came from. I didn't really know what I wanted and wasn't, so I wasn't going after what I wanted as more, as much as I was kind of in the flow of what was happening. I kind of moved with life. I did resist when I was younger, but once I got into my later twenties and thirties, I feel like I just moved with life. But what I was figuring out and what I was becoming aware of was a lot more of what I don't want. I didn't really love this. I didn't love how that worked out. Gosh, I didn't love my reaction. What is it in me that, that I created this reaction with the stimulus that I just experienced in my life?'cause I don't wanna be doing this again. I don't want to perpetuate this pattern.

Emily:

Or, and even more so like, oh man, every time. Like in this relationship, I continue to react in this way that's like super explosive and, and I feel like I'm crazy. Like what is it about this other person that ignites this aspect of me? And is this something that I really want for like a long-term relationship or is this something that I feel like maybe is not best for me and my nervous system and just my life as far as a long-term relationship goes.

Matty:

And then you got with me and everything became so easy and such a breeze. Uh, there at least there's been a lot of love.

Emily:

Yes, there's definitely been a lot of love. And we laugh because I don't think any relationship is really easy. There are aspects of, you know, being with your person that, that does, that are easier. Like I, I remember like the day we got married. I'm like talking to my friends and they didn't know Matty very well, you know, 'cause one came in from out of the country and then another one had some small children. So she was pretty busy with her own life, and they're, they're like, all right, you know, are you ready for this? And I'm just like, yeah, I, I like felt this like incredible sense of peace on our wedding day. But I just knew that no matter what, like no matter what happened in our life, I knew that I could just talk to Matty about anything. Like I knew that no matter what, we could work through it because we could talk about it. And we could put it all out on the table.

Matty:

And it wasn't always a or get out, it wasn't just a big fight. I mean, we could put things on the table it, it may or may not get a little heated at times, but we could put it out. And we had that level of, I think, integrity and respect with and for each other that I could hear what you had to say and understand that you weren't just trying to pick me apart. You wanted to understand, or you wanted to come together and, and figure out a way forward with something. It wasn't about a power struggle with you and that was one of the, or not one of it. Yeah, totally.

Emily:

That is true.

Matty:

In the past, it's one of the things that I absolutely adore about you and our relationship is every other relationship I've been in, there's always been elements of power struggle. And you talk to people and you see it, especially in our parents' generation, that it's very much one-upping or I won that, I won that argument. And, you know, if somebody has to be in the power play and, and the other not, but for us, it, it's always been like, how do we move forward in the most harmony possible? I love you. I want the best for you, and I want the best for me. And these things align within each other. So how do we move forward? And I've always appreciated that about you and continue to do so.

Emily:

Yeah, I've always appreciated the fact that like we, we decided pretty early on that compromise was kind of bullshit. Everyone's like, oh, for a good marriage to work or a good relationship to work, you have to compromise. But when you're compromising, no one gets what they want ever. And so I'm like, instead of compromising all the time and neither one of us getting what, what we want, how about we both just try to get what we want? Like how about we both strive for the things that we do want. Like, oh, you want this and I want that. Well, let's just do both.

Matty:

Yep. Agreed.

Emily:

So I do think that has kind of been helpful too because, I mean, obviously there are times where you have to compromise. That's just kind of a part of life. But when you're constantly compromising, do you ever really get what you want?

Matty:

And are you truly happy with all that compromise?

Emily:

Exactly. You're just basically putting aside what you actually do want for this other thing that the other person doesn't even want either. It's like, all right, I'm just settling for this thing. And the other person's settling too, and neither one of us are getting what we want, exactly. All right. I feel like we're digressing though.

Matty:

In a healthy way, but I, I'm ready to move forward and get back into Yes. Self-awareness. There are three types of self-awareness that are generally put forth is a different type of self-awareness, a different way to kind of know thyself. And this first one, I think, kind of falls into the, the general definition of self-awareness. And this is your internal self-awareness. This is understanding your own thoughts, feelings, your emotions. How you value yourself, the values you place out there outside of yourself, on others, or aspects of your life that you value or don't, and your motivations. What's motivating you to do what you do. This is about recognizing your internal state and ultimately how it influences your behaviors. Not just when it's you with you, but especially like how you interact with others as well, because you understand your internal world. You have more awareness around that so you can make decisions for yourself based on truly what it is that you want. What you feel is right for you, what you know, what you value, what motivates you.

Emily:

Totally. And so the second type of awareness is external self-awareness. Which is understanding how others perceive you. Like how others experience you. What your strengths are, your weaknesses and your behaviors in social situations. So, I mean, this kind of goes back to, you know, the story that we were telling earlier when you're in this you know, really chaotic relationship and you're like who am I? Like, I don't even know. And you know, the, there's just a lot of energy dynamics at play there. And I mean, you're constantly interacting with other people in an energetic way, and some of those energies are going to come together in harmony, and some of them are gonna come into pure chaos. And so it's really about understanding from your internal self-awareness and your external self-awareness, like what it it is that you want. I mean, I don't know if there's any new girl fans out there, but it makes me think of this real, this realization that she had with one of her relationships that, you know, she was dating this older, older man and it was just real easy because he had already been through a marriage. He was divorced and like they had the chaotic relationship, he and his ex-wife. And so their relationship was just really just even keel. There wasn't a lot of ups and downs. It was just like, you know, this, this kind of even moving. And she realized like, to her, that felt very boring and she wanted someone that challenged her and someone who told her you know, you're acting in a crazy way and someone where she could have like, in a more explosive relationship. And so it's really about knowing yourself and what kind of interactions you wanna have.'cause you may prefer that even keel, you know, more neutral relationship or you may not. So it really just kind of depends on what you want. And so that's about the internal self-awareness, understanding your values and your emotions and your feelings and why. And if you do want a more chaotic relationship, why is that? And if you do find a more neutral relationship, boring, why is that?

Matty:

Absolutely great questions to be asking yourself. What is it about this relationship that isn't satisfying me. What can I do to create more harmony? Or to create more passion? Or to create more challenge amongst ourselves in this relationship without it being detrimental?

Emily:

Mm, that's a really good point that you make up.'cause the word passion. Because in this example that I'm talking about with the new girl show. She associated the, the chaoticness with passion. So whether that's a true relationship or not, I mean, I think maybe in the end of, as far as the show went that she could possibly say that she and Nick did have a lot of passion for each other. But I don't think that the chaos necessarily always equals passion.

Matty:

No, I think passion gets lumped into movement. Chaos and if you're willing to challenge somebody or have an argument or you know, have a little chaos and fighting or whatever, that, that proves you're passionate. That proves that, you know, you're willing to get rah and this excitable about it, you know? So I think it kind of gets equated, you know, that chaos, energy with passion, they kind of go hand in hand, even though I don't really think.

Emily:

That that's chaos

Matty:

equals passion, and passion equals chaos. No.

Emily:

Yeah. That's interesting.'cause when I think about passion, I feel like I think of it more as like being enthusiastic and more like Yeah, enthusiastically driven and not necessarily like the willingness to get really pissed about something. So. Huh. That's interesting to think about. I don't know, I bring up that example just because that was something that caused me to reflect on my own life and my past relationships. I'm like, huh, I did have some relationships that were super chaotic and just I felt like I was fucking crazy as far as, you know, emotional. And then, you know, you and I have way more harmonious relationship, where yeah, it's not like I'm just, oh, so even keel all the time and never get, you know, a little bit emotionally crazy. But maybe it's part of how you help, you know, even my emotions out. I can actually come to you when I'm feeling like that and you kind of help like bring more harmony within me.

Matty:

Well, I value emotional intelligence and what they could be signaling to you, so I don't wanna throw them in your face. And I was also considered too sensitive or too emotional as a kid. I heard things like that and I don't, that's just dumb. That's bullshit. There is no such thing as being too sensitive. Oh, I'm too emotionally aware of what's going on. What, that just does not compute, but I'm a product of the late seventies and eighties and I think that's just

Emily:

stoicism was valued.

Matty:

My parents were very stoic that that was pervasive in the family, you know? So if you ever came to me with whether it was about us or about some other circumstance in your life, even reviewing past things. I valued your emotions and, you know, respected where you were at and the intelligence that they can bring to us. So I, I did want to, and I do want to have space for that to happen within our relationship, you know.

Emily:

Well, are you saying that you've been totally even keeled in all your relationships?

Matty:

Good God, no.

Emily:

I laugh because I actually knew Matty during a lot of his relationships as he knew me as well. So.

Matty:

Yeah, I had to work on some things for, I was ready to hold a space like that and value emotions in a certain way, definitely.

Emily:

Yeah. You know. And we had to work on a lot of things together too.

Matty:

Thank you, past relationships and girlfriends for helping me get to a place where I can, you know, do what I couldn't do then in a much healthier way, now. I won't name you. Yes. But thank you.

Emily:

Yes, thank you to all my past relationships as well.

Matty:

So you've got internal self-awareness, knowing what's going on on the inside, and what your values and motivations are. You've got an external self-awareness and being able to objectively look at yourself and understand how people on the outside perceive you, what your strengths are, what your weaknesses are, what you, your, your go-to, like social behaviors are. You know, what people can depend on from you or would consider kind of normal in your behaviors. And you know, this requires a little bit of internal knowing yourself, but also being able to kind of put that aside and then view yourself from a different perception and understand like, well, how do I act typically? What are my strengths? Maybe even talk to your friends and ask them, Hey, if you had, if you could list three strengths, what, what comes to mind? You could list three weaknesses. External self-awareness, it could be good to, you know, if you've got somebody you really trust in your life that's known you for a while, you could chat with them about that. And it doesn't just have to be questions you're asking yourself. What I think is the most important of the three, and the one I really kind of wanna dive into today more is the awareness of self-reflection. This refers to the ability to gain a deeper understanding of yourself by critically analyzing your behaviors, your motivations, and your experiences. So this involves reflecting on actions that you're taking if you can, if you're at that point where you can be aware of what's happening in the present moment, or at least reflecting on your past actions. Then looking at what consequences came from those actions. And then considering, because you've done some internal self-awareness as well, how these actions and consequences, like how are they aligning with your values? Do your actions and the motivations and what you did align with your values, and then the consequences you received or they came from it. Are these the consequences you want? Does this align with the values you wanna see coming back to you, that you're putting out in the world? So there's a reciprocal ness about what you put out and what comes back. So being able to not just know yourself, but actually reflect upon the who you are when no one's around, the who you are to others. I find this deeply challenging and satisfying at the same time. And I also find that this is the awareness that a lot of people run from because it inherently means if you're willing to critically analyze your own self, you're willing to take responsibility for your actions, or you're at least working towards that. That you're the kind of person that can go crap, that was not my best effort. You know, I'm gonna have to say, I'm sorry. I need to own up to this. If you're willing to be, you know, critical of yourself, please have a little patience and grace because no one's perfect. But it also is one of the most amazing things that can happen to any human being, and that is self-responsibility. There's not a lot of that in the world, unfortunately. I, I have definitely run into it amongst others, but there is a lot of it that isn't that way. There's more of people that want to do something and push on it and then blame you for their actions. Well, you made me do this. If you hadn't done this or you didn't look like that or didn't give me this or that and blah, blah, blah, I wouldn't have done X, Y, or Z. Well, it doesn't matter what you did. You're responsible for your actions. No one else is. There may be reasons or motivations why you did your actions, but it doesn't make the other person who was a part of the reason or what created a motivation within you responsible, no. The words that came outta your mouth, the actions you took are solely of your responsibility. And if you're willing to have awareness from self-reflection, that means you're on the road or already willing to be self-responsible. I love to tie those two things together.

Emily:

Definitely. So you may be listening to this and you're like, Hmm, how self-aware am I? I'm probably self-aware. Well, so let me ask, are you self-aware? And according to studies, there's a high probability, high probability that you aren't. In fact, there's a high probability that really none of us are. There was a study done by, uh, Tasha Eurich. Do you think Eurich? I think it's Eurich. She did a TED Talk and she reviewed 750 published studies on self-awareness. And her conclusion after reviewing all of these studies is that 95% of people think that they're self-aware, but in reality, only 10 to 15% of people are actually self-aware. So what does this mean? Like I said, it means that there's a high probability that, not that we are all not as aware of ourselves as we think that we are. And that there are probably blind spots in our awareness that is probably affecting our relationships, our success, and our way forward.

Matty:

Oh, absolutely agreed. Everyone is at, is at least a little self-aware, you know, but this is about being like sufficiently self-aware

Emily:

that you like to thrive.

Matty:

That you know yourself well enough that internally and externally and you reflect on your behaviors and you're willing to make changes and stuff and you're responsible like only 10 to 15% of the populace is self-aware. That's,

Emily:

well, I think a better way of phrasing.

Matty:

It's crazy to me that, yeah, it's that little.

Emily:

Well, but that's also just according to this one person and her reviews, and I mean, I don't know too much about what the published studies were on self-awareness, but it is an interesting thing to think about. But I think even more so, it's about having balance between the external self-awareness and balance with the external self-awareness. Because if you're too one way or the other, you know, if you have so much internal self-awareness and you're constantly like reflecting and and going back and what, what do I think about this? And what are my feelings and what are my emotions? But you don't consider others in this then it's probably gonna lead to low levels of, of happiness because you're just constantly criticizing yourself all the time and you're constantly just questioning and questioning and questioning, and you're not really getting anywhere if you're constantly questioning. And then the same with the external awareness.

Matty:

How are you enjoying life if all you're doing is, is constantly questioning or internalizing the little bit of life that you're living?

Emily:

Exactly.

Matty:

Yeah. Totally.

Emily:

So I mean, and then of course there's the external self-awareness and if you're constantly focused on how other people take you and you aren't ever thinking about yourself and what your thoughts and feelings are. You're just constantly trying to make everyone happy around you. Um, does that sound familiar? You're probably a people pleaser, big time people pleaser if all you care about is how other people perceive you and how your behaviors affect them. So it's always, I mean, all of life is about balance and sometimes you're gonna teeter one way more than the other, but having balance in life is always key. You're gonna wanna try to balance out the internal self-awareness with the external self-awareness, and it's really about using that self-reflection to make sure that your actions really align with your values, with focusing your thoughts and your feelings and your emotions towards what it is that you really want. And if it aligns with your values and your motivations, then you know that's even better. That's probably right there with manifestation.

Matty:

Absolutely. I think you're gonna be closer to, I mean, we're all manifesting, but I mean aligned manifesting, I think is what you were more referring to. Well, yeah, that's gonna definitely be getting our closer.

Emily:

Well, I think what I was trying to say is when you're in alignment, then you can manifest quicker.

Matty:

Oh yes, absolutely.

Emily:

You know, if all that stuff is aligned, you know, your motivations, your thoughts, your emotions, your actions, and you're focused in this way. And the people around you are right there, like with you, then it's probably a lot easier, you know, to manifest things in a faster way. But that's kind of, um, you know, a whole other podcast. So, how do you bring this balance into your life?

Matty:

Well, especially with the awareness of self-reflection, I definitely want to talk about trying to take your awareness as becoming or being the observer. And being the observer is knowing you are a divine lightbody soul, having a human experience. You are human and so much more simultaneously. But being the observer, you're going to realize you are not your thoughts, you are not your emotions. You are the soul having this human experience that has thoughts about the experiences or stimulus you're experiencing. You're this divine essence that has emotions while in a body from your experiences or from your beliefs or the stimulus that you're experiencing. The thoughts and emotions are a part of it, but your identity doesn't align or lie with the thoughts or with the emotions. You've probably heard, you're, you've probably even said things like this yourself. I know I did for a long time. I'm sad, I'm happy, or I'm aligning myself with my emotion. Or I just can't get this outta my mind, I'm really pissed off. As opposed to, I'm feeling sad today. Or I'm feeling really happy in this moment and I'm enjoying it.

Emily:

Or, Hmm, this is what happiness feels like, or, Hmm, this is what sadness feels like.

Matty:

That little tweak right there is the difference between being your thoughts and emotions versus being the observer, the divine soul, having thoughts and emotions to experience.

Emily:

Yeah, and I just want to point out that the words I am. Followed by whatever you follow it by, is very, very powerful. Because like Matty said, you are actually identifying and you are creating this identity around what you put after I am. So it is very important for your self-worth, for your wellbeing to really pick and choose and be very careful about what you say after the words I am.

Matty:

Very good point. Thank you.

Emily:

And I'm not saying, you know, it's easy because we're all so conditioned to self-deprecate. I know that that is very common in a lot of families, I mean, I see it happening in mine. I see it happening in. And other people where they think that, they think that self-deprecating is like a way to, laugh at yourself.

Matty:

Yeah, I was gonna say, I think humor's wrapped up in it too.

Emily:

I feel like there's a really fine line between laughing at yourself and laughing at your, you know, quirks and your individuality and your deficiencies and just straight up self-deprecating. I mean, I do think it's good to be able to laugh at yourself, and in fact, that's definitely part of my lesson in life is learning how to, to do that more.

Matty:

But self-deprecation is not humor. It's not a positive form of humor, at least.

Emily:

Yeah. Like I feel very uncomfortable when I'm hanging out with someone and they're like making comments about their weight or the way they look, or it's not necessary. I don't think it's necessary. And I, and I really think that that self-deprecation leads to negative thought forms within your own energetic body. I mean, the more you say something, the more you believe it yourself. And even if it's something that you're like, well, this is true. But if it's done in a self re, re, self-deprecating manner, then you're making the truth about yourself this terrible thing.

Matty:

And we're kind of hitting on this point because we've both been there. Emily mentioned this was something she's seen in her family. It's something that was, you mean

Emily:

that I've been

Matty:

very prevalent in my own, yeah. And very prevalent in my own family. And I, I'm still, I mean, I have bouts of self-deprecation moments too. You know, I mean, we're, we're all human. We live in duality. You know, just because you found a good balance point with your life doesn't mean you get to stay in your balance point forever. No, you're still gonna fluctuate. Life ebbs and flows. There's ups and downs. And that means the energy coming your way, the energy we're putting out there, how we think and feel about ourselves. I mean, it just, life is life. It's all the things. It gets messy sometimes. It's freaking beautiful too. But if this is you, this could be one of those self-reflection moments right here.

Emily:

And it could be an easy tweak to start catching yourself in the moment and start, you know, putting something more positive behind that, I am. I am powerful. I'm a divine being. I am capable of more than I ever thought imaginable.

Matty:

I am in love with my body, and my body loves me.

Emily:

I am amazing. I'm powerful.

Matty:

I'm like, I'm in love with my body and you're all, I'm amazing. I'm powerful. You're hitting the nail on the head. Thanks babe.

Emily:

I say, I say those things now on the podcast to try to, you know, help other people think those things about themselves. But I can't say that my internal chatter's always like that.

Matty:

All right, so being the observer, awareness of self-reflection, like your awareness of self, this is the key to changing or transforming anything in your life. If you even want to change something about your life, you are essentially looking for transformation. Several steps of change can lead to big transformations. The fact that you're having this realization. You even want to change something that something's off in your life and you'd like it to be different. This means that you're self-aware on some level, and at least most likely you're, it's internal awareness that's guiding you with the self-reflection, now. There's something internally that you're not liking your experience. You're not enjoying something about life anymore, or you're finally realizing you've never enjoyed this aspect that's part of your life. You've outgrown something, maybe, or you've realized that you know something in your life no longer serves your highest good. But the fact that you're coming to these realizations means that you're willing to reflect and you're willing to listen to your internal values, feelings, thoughts, motivations. That you are self-aware. That you're on the path, if you're not already, you're on the path to being in the 10 to 15% that are sufficiently self-aware. Because you're paying attention to your internal world. And what does it mean for you? You're having these reflections now you're, you're being the observer. You're becoming aware of your internal world. Reflecting and analyzing, what can you do about it? What do you want to change? What do you want to try first to create new behaviors, new experiences, new paths forward.

Emily:

Yeah, for sure. So I feel like self-reflection as a form of evaluation is being aware in a way that can create transformation by finding the limited beliefs in the energy blocks. Basically, the things like we're talking about, like how you speak about yourself. Are your motivations and your actions aligned with your values? What are your motivations? Are your motivations coming from a pure place, or are they coming from something that you think you should be doing or coming from something that you learned growing up or you know, someone told you that you should want or check out? So finding these limiting beliefs in these energetic blocks are about bringing more self-aware, like you find these by having more self-awareness in your life. You start to become more self-aware, more aware of these little gaps between your actions and your motivations, or your values and your actions, or your thoughts and your feelings. Absolutely. You know, finding the patterns, finding those, those small gaps between okay, does this align with, with what it is that I actually want? Or am I taking all these actions that are not moving me towards what it is that I desire at all?

Matty:

I feel like too, kind of on the theme of these gaps, this misalignment. One way you can in, in self-reflection, like you're looking for the irrational or the illogical. Before we even talk about using your intuition to get, to get down into some, some of the nitty gritty and the answers for, you know, what lies underneath for your experiences. You can use your emotions and your mind and look for things that are out of alignment. Look for these gaps. Find this. When your stimulus or experience isn't in alignment with your like internal or external reactions. This is, there's something irrational or logical because you can self-reflect, Hey, I'm having this experience, this generally should be something that yeah, might be a little frustrating, but I'm like level 10 angry, pissed off, frustrated. Like, why is the gap there? Why is there this huge difference there? Or, you know, on the same other side, this should be an amazing experience and I'm just not into it. I'm ho-hum, like, what's off here? Or even sometimes it's really irrational, like this was a really cute moment, but I'm angry about it. Uh, what's going on?

Emily:

Well, shame is another one of those emotions that cause like, I mean, most people experience shame in a similar way where they get this full body heat, like this redness and this heat that overcomes their entire body. And this reaction happens before you're even like understanding, oh, what, what, what am I actually feeling shameful about right now? And it could be anything, it could be you have a thought about where your personality may be deficient or, oh man, you know, I really wish I was more in extroverted. I use that example because I, I do wish I was more extroverted and sometimes it does bring a little bit of shame within me, but there are times where I am really extroverted. So, but there are just times, you know, where you might feel that shame reaction and it may not feel completely logical to what is happening in your reality.

Matty:

And kind of on that note, like your central nervous system in your body knows before your feelings or your mind are gonna know.

Emily:

Mm-hmm.

Matty:

You may have definitely be having a reaction in your body before there's any sort of input coming into your mind and understanding mentally or emotionally happens. Your body knows and keeps the score. So that is something to be on the lookout as well as, you know, like physically, what, what sort of reactions are you having within your own body? That's a real good point to bring up. And I feel like at this point you, you want to use your intuition to dig into these kinds of moments. And when you're coming to the understanding like, oh, I've got a gap here, or something irrational is going on between how I'm feeling and reacting to what I'm experiencing. I found it easier to work in hindsight. Review things that had already happened in my life. What did I experience? What did I feel? What did I react? Literally start asking your own self, your intuition, where is this belief or this energetic block coming from? Where does it reside? Where's the beginning, the root cause for this, that's creating this gap in my life now? And this is a really important one. What is it about my current situation that reminds me of this energy? And diving into childhood's a really good place. There's a lot of things from childhood before our consciousness was really developed. We're taking on beliefs and we're learning things, and these programs are still at play in our adult life. Until we become self-aware and realize, and then decide, oh, this is a great program that's running, yay. Way to go, 3-year-old. Or, you know, I, I feel like I've learned a lot since I was seven and can, you know, maybe tweak some of this.

Emily:

Yeah. Isn't it like before the age of seven, that's when most of these patterns are created. Yeah. So think about from the time that you were born to the time that you were seven, that's when a lot of your thought patterns and your subconscious trainings all started.

Matty:

And if you're not finding something in your life intuitively of your current life, your childhood, then this is when you could be bringing, this could be ancestral or genetic beliefs or energies that are passed on for you to try to, you know, kind of break the cycle on or part of your learning your life lessons and stuff for this lifetime. Uh, that could be past life hangover energy coming in. So experiences from the past that are left unresolved are at play now to try to be resolved in this lifetime. And another really important question I think to ask your intuition is, how do I heal or transform this energy? What steps can I take to shift this in my life? To lessen this gap? To lessen the triggers that I'm experiencing? To make the irrational more rational, to have more experiences that make sense. To have more experiences in the present moment. And I think the more you work in hindsight and work through these things and you work with your intuition and you develop that intuitive trust, the more you can get to where you're starting to become self-aware and self-reflective in the present moments of life. Catching things quicker. Instead of wishing your behavior would be different, you can catch your behavior and change it in the moment. And when you can take a new action. Then you're not only thinking it and feeling it and physically doing it, you're really starting to reset those subconscious programs to something different because you're catching in that action and you're self-correcting in the moment, if you can.

Emily:

I think this is a beautiful place to wrap up.

Matty:

Yeah, and I, I just want to reiterate. If this is resonating with you, bring some grace to the table and have some patience with yourself as you're working to become even more self-aware than you already are. That is one of the number one things you could do. I personally spent a lot, way too much time being frustrated with myself or disappointed in myself. Instead of just accepting myself where I was and where I am and working towards something that would create more harmony and more alignment and more joy, and more meaningfulness and more fulfillment in my life. I, I didn't bring myself enough grace.

Emily:

Yeah, same.

Matty:

Until later in life. And that, you know, no regrets. But man, if I could do something over with the information I have now, it would definitely bring myself more grace and patience. So. Yeah, please do that for yourselves. Is there anything else you want to add?

Emily:

No, I think that's a beautiful message to

Matty:

Okay.

Emily:

Wrap up on.

Matty:

Well, thanks for joining us on this little chat about self-awareness and why it's just key to change and transformation in your life.

Emily:

Yeah, I mean, self-awareness in itself can be healing. Bringing awareness to any sort of situation can help you cultivate that grace and self-compassion.

Matty:

Absolutely.'cause if you're not aware of your behaviors, then you're just being you. But when you're aware, you can actually do something different if you want to. You're right. Just, just the awareness in and of itself can be healing. That's a really important point. Y'all. Well have a fantastic week. We're gonna enjoy the rest of our time in Sedona, and then we're gonna shove on outta here and move on.

Emily:

Let's reconvene next week.

Matty:

Take care.