Speaker 1

Hey, it's Melanie petro. I'm a facial plastic surgeon in Birmingham, Alabama with a hypersensitivity that, gosh doesn’ t go with real world. I always go back to this Goo Goo Dolls song Iris “ I’d give up forever to touch you.” Oh, those are the words that stay with me and the, “I just want you to know who I am” what a powerful statement that is. I want you to know who I am. I mean, when someone really knows you, they, they don't question you because they know and they can look at you and they can tell you something. And you know, it's true. And I think that there's so many different kinds of relationships in life. There are the perfect ones that you have with your dog. And then there the other ones but are they really all that different. And when I see women that have been to people who say, this is what you need, this is what I'm going to do. And they say, but I don't want to look weird. I don't like how my mouth moves. Or I don't feel like I look like myself. Why do we listen? Why do we believe that somehow something's wrong with us?

Speaker 2

Is it,

Speaker 1

there's just something about it. I mean, is it that it's this male female relationship and it doesn't matter if he's talking to you across the table or standing there in a white coat when a man says something, at least in a southern world, there's this part of you that believes your job is to say,

Speaker 2

okay. I mean

Speaker 1

there's this belief that you can't question them, that they know it's best, that whatever you feel is wrong.

Speaker 2

And

Speaker 1

I certainly didn't grow up like that. Like my Mama. I mean, it just wasn't like that. I mean, she said what she thought.

Speaker 2

My Dad

Speaker 1

really never ever expected that of us.

Speaker 2

But

Speaker 1

when I see people that have been to people

Speaker 2

that den face lifts, I mean today I saw the most beautiful lady who told this doctor she wanted her upper eyelid skin removed and instead she had a brow lift. When she wasn't happy it was, but this looks good. I mean,

Speaker 1

I don't doubt that I would've believed it too at some point in life. No question. But what messed it take to say that to someone who's unhappy to look at him and say that this is what you need? Like it astounds me every day that people watch videos and see themselves so clearly and come in and say I need this. And I'm thinking, wow. Like, I mean they get it like we know ourselves, but we don't trust ourselves. We don't trust ourselves to know who we are and what we need, whether it's with a plastic surgeon or anyone. And except dogs. I think that dogs, I think that my dog, he, I mean I'm really honest with mental work that, Gosh, she's so beautiful and he loves me so much and he knows who I am. I mean that song like, Gosh, it's powerful. I want you to know who I am. But when you really know who someone is and you know what they stand for and you know what they believe in, then there's a level of trust that

Speaker 2

you

Speaker 1

have, a comfort that they know you. I mean it, and with that comes a sense of stability that better. I'm going to ask you something stupid. I mean, there's just not, they're not going to have to say what would you do if, because they knew and they won't shock you because they know you.

Speaker 2

Okay.

Speaker 1

And I think that's probably one of the best songs in the world. And when you really wish at can't imagine that there could be a greater wish then for those around you to know who you really are. And I think that there are so many people that hide behind a white coat or just being a man or an that just tells you this is what you need.

Speaker 2

But

Speaker 1

it doesn't really help anything because no one knows what they need more than you do. Deep down, no question. You know what you need. I saw someone today who her son had his shoes and she knew it and they said, oh no, no. But she knew it. She knew it a year before anyone else did. And I mean, how do you doubt a mother like, Gosh, when you're a mother, like you know, there every breath, mothers just aren't wrongly good. Mothers are never wrong.

Speaker 2

And

Speaker 1

I don't think that there is a medical school or a textbook that could even come close to the knowledge with which you do truly know yourself. I mean, you know who you are. And that's a gift. I mean, I don't think men have it. I could see why because that would be really sad. Know who you are and it not be really happy. But women do. I mean, we have way more just there's something different. No question. And trusting yourself is probably the most valuable, the most amazing gift in the world. And when you violate it and you do something that's against what you trusted yourself too, do you feel it and you feel it every day? And I think that that's something that's so clear in the women I see that have had a procedure or, I mean it can be botox, it can be a marriage. I mean it's just, there is this part of being a woman that trust a man that looks ever you and tells you what you need. But I think that trust has to be earned. I had someone today that is from as well. That's just the way it is in the south. Cause she was talking about how someone told her, oh that's just the way it is. And she was like, I believed him and I said, well you're from the south, like we grow up. And she said, no actually I'm from New York and my dad was a cop and I was like, hmm,

Speaker 2

okay.

Speaker 1

It's everywhere for women. There is a sense of that's a man telling me something. And the more you go through the of the more you're like, Huh, that was, say it again, I dare you. But that takes Sam and you are kind of brought up to accept and to say, not cower but quietly agree. And there's a piece about doing that because there's no conflict, but there are times that's okay, but when it comes to your face and your something you don't want or something you know you want, it's never okay cause it's your face. And you do know. I mean, I don't know that I've ever had someone come to me and tell me this is what I need. And they were wrong. And it's amazing. I had someone today that said 15 years ago I went to so and so and I said, I need a blepharoplasty. And they said, oh no, no, you need a breast lift. Well, there's a difference. I mean, most bralettes look like, I don't know, they jack your brow up and it's not a very natural looking thing. And she was told us what she needed and that's what they were gonna do. I mean, if we were anywhere else in life, we'd be like, okay bye. But there's something about a man telling me he's fun thing, especially in a white coat. And you think they must be right. But they mustn't be. It's no different than sitting across the dinner table. But there's this confidence that we as women yield and give up, and we know it when we do it. We know it every time. And you feel it. And to know you do, because I do. It's like, Dad, just say that, but you did. And it's okay to say I take it back because that kind of respect, that kind of trust has to be earned. And it may take years, but you won't ever doubt it. And so she had the brow lift and she was like, I'm not happy. Like I really think I will need this skin removed. And people with beautiful eyes have the hardest time aging because instead of people looking at them and saying, oh, your eyes are so beautiful, they look at them and say, are you tired? And that was their compliment. That was their thing. And when it's gone, it's like way worse. I mean, I've got Brown eyes. No one ever chased me around saying how great my eyes were. But you can always tell the women that he now they'll have this beautiful eyes and they'll say, gosh, all these people, women, men, and then women compliments always mean more. You have such beautiful eyes and now they say, Gosh, you look tired.

Speaker 2

And there is

Speaker 1

a special kind of terrible feeling for that. And you can,

Speaker 2

yeah,

Speaker 1

paint it any positive way you wish, but there's really not a rainbow there. And then you go to someone that other people trust and they say, Oh, you're wrong. This is what you hate and you do it. And then all of a sudden your belief waivers. And then I get to see you like this lady I saw. And you can feel someone not trusting you. You can feel someone truly not believing that you see who they are,

Speaker 2

but

Speaker 1

you did. And their distrust in this profession and in facial plastic surgery is like, I mean, it's like a knife through. I mean for me it is literally a knife through my heart and I think, you know,

Speaker 2

yeah.

Speaker 1

As I understand it completely and honor it. And honestly, there's a part of me that's glad that she feels that way because you know, life's too short to be hard. And she, Sharon that, I mean, she still has extra skin ever, uh, ever. Her beautiful eyes and all along she kept saying this, what I need, the goal is to really trust yourself and trust people that you know, know who you are, who know what you mean, who listen to you, who see you, like truly see you and truly feel you.

Speaker 2

And

Speaker 1

I can look back on my training, my childhood, my marriage. I mean, you always know. There may be times that you think I'm wrong, but you're not and you know it and you have everything inside of you that well if you listen to it will always tell you. And it's that voice that whether it's plastic surgery or marriage or a career choice, it's that voice that guides you

Speaker 2

and

Speaker 1

he won't let you down. You know yourself. And I listened to that IRS song. I couldn't tell you how many times I'll listen to it as a child thinking, Gosh, she knew me. When someone asks you something or does something and you think you don't know who I am. I mean, to me that's probably the most painful thing there is because you know, it feels like somebody's really, I mean, it hurts more than I think anything could, but I think that if you can see the other side of it and trust yourself to have shown and know that there are people out there who can take the information that you give and know you and hear you, then that's true. Confidence. That is truly,

Speaker 2

yeah,

Speaker 1

living your very best life. That is when you know, when you trust yourself enough that you believe yourself because you really are always right and there may never be anyone that knows you, that knows who you are, but if you do, you'll sort that out. It's only when you lose track of that that,

Speaker 2

okay,

Speaker 1

you have procedures you don't want or you

Speaker 2

okay

Speaker 1

marry people, you know, whatever it is. Like only when you lose yourself, do you lose your way you have when you lose your why, when you lose your reason, when you don't believe in yourself the way that you can. No, you should. Because that's where we always know. That's when you lose your way and it's okay, we all do it. But you get back on your path and you take your dog on a walk and look at a sunset, look at the moon, and you look into your heart and you find your why and then you find your way.

Speaker 2

Yeah,

Speaker 1

be true to yourselves. There's nothing more powerful and we'll tell you a story in it's, you might think I'm crazy, but that's okay. You end up be alone hours on three West on a code and it wasn't really a code is when you, someone's heart stops beating. And I called a code like a solid three minutes before it happened it, this lady looks at me and she had fallen off her front porch and broken her leg. She looks at me and she says, I'm about to have a heart attack. Well, I mean they seem very real to me. I was a third year student and I call it kit and they all got there and I said, well, she told me like she was about to have our attack and I know she meant it. They were like, okay, this m three because they called you if you were a third year medical student, but I didn't care. I was like, Nah, you can't leave. Like she said it like it's going to happen. Like do you, I mean she said it like to have all these physicians and student physicians in a room and I'm like telling him something like that. I mean that's powerful for someone to look at. You hold your hand and say, this is it. I'm about to have a heart attack. Well, of course I was going to call a kid. No one tells you that people know themselves. I mean, we may wish that this tweedle Dee knew us, but at the end of the day we knew ourselves. Anyway, she did. She coded. I think they thought I was a witch or something, but they probably didn't believe in that. We saved her and she told me I saved her life. And I don't think I did. I think I just heard her. I think I listened when she held my hand and look me in the eye. I knew that, I knew that she was telling me the truth. And that's powerful. And I really will never forget the people that didn't believe me that day. I still know them. And every now and then I see a patient that's like, I'm going to go to sentence and I'm like, you can't. Like one day I call it a cash need. And believe me, I don't really do feel that way because I think that there is a truth in each of us that when you speak it, if another person,

Speaker 2

yeah.

Speaker 1

Is that person that really lives in truth and lives through their hearts and their souls and their spirits. I think that they can see you and I think that they believe you and it doesn't always work. But I think when you listened to it, it does. And I think it's important. And I think that you find those people and you hold their hands and if they tell you they're about to have a heart attack, you call it code. And if they tell you they need something, you do it. And those are the people. Those are our people. And we all need our people. And I think it's as women, it's hard to insist that people are anything other than what they are because we're just so sweet and we accept.

Speaker 2

But

Speaker 1

we got to find those people and we have to try harder than anyone because our tendency is to accept to find those people who truly know who you are. And that experience will stay with you for a lifetime even if you never see it again. It's powerful. It's like true lifts, kiss in a Disney movie only better, I think. I haven't been in a Disney movie, but someday I want to because there's something about that kind of clarity, but it's in you. You know what you need, you know what you want and you know how to get it.

Speaker 2

And

Speaker 1

when you do that, everything else falls into place. So go have a great night.