70: It Was Never Your Secret: Healing the Generational Patterns That Run Your Life

Have you ever looked at your life and wondered why certain patterns keep repeating? The same relationship dynamic. The same money story. The same quiet feeling of not being quite enough — no matter how much work you do on yourself?

That loop is not a coincidence. It is a story. And the story has a source.

In this episode, Tara Mychelle gets personal about the generational pattern she discovered running beneath her own life — a pattern of women contorting themselves to be chosen, passed quietly from grandmother to mother to daughter without anyone ever realizing it was water they were swimming in.

Through her own healing journey, Tara shares the perspective shift that changed everything: the moment she stopped asking why she was not being chosen, and started asking what story was running underneath that question.

This episode is for anyone who is ready to stop carrying what was never theirs to carry.

Because it was never your secret to keep. It is your story to heal.

Transcript

The Hidden Story Running Your Life

SPEAKER_00 0:00

There's a story running underneath your life right now. Consider. You probably cannot see it. That is the nature of it. It doesn't live in the conscious mind. It lives in the subconscious, in the body, in the quiet operating system installed before you had any say in the matter. You start to notice it when life feels like it's on repeat, when the same dynamic keeps showing up in different faces, different places. When you find yourself asking, why does this keep happening? That loop is not a coincidence, it's a story. And the story has a source. Keep listening, and here we go. Welcome to Rooted in Rising. I'm your host, Tara Michelle, intuitive guide, storyteller, and fellow traveler on this wild path of becoming. This is a space for the soul led, for the ones unraveling old stories tending to their healing and rising, not perfectly, but powerfully into who they are here to be. Here we explore what it means to live with intention, to love with depth, and to trust that even the hard things are shaping us. I'll share pieces of my own journey, the cracks, the beauty, the breakthroughs, and invite voices who are walking this path too. Because I believe life isn't happening to us, it's happening for us. So come as you are, root in and rise up. And thank you. Truly thank you for being here.

Inherited Stories And Generational Trauma

SPEAKER_00 1:33

Welcome back to Rooted in Rising. This is Tara Michelle. I just want to say thank you all for joining me today. And today I want to dive right in because we're going to talk about stories we inherit, generational trauma, the ones that we never choose, we never knew we were living, and what becomes possible the moment we finally see them. Recently, I had posted on social media, and what I had said is maybe it's not your secret to keep, maybe it's your story to heal. Today I want to tell you where that came from. Generational trauma is not about dramatic events. Now it can be. Okay.

The Pattern Women Absorb Around Men

SPEAKER_00 3:27

This is where we're talking about generational trauma. There's a way, here's where I'm going to frame it. There's a way that certain women, not all, across certain generations, were taught to move in relationship to men. Not taught directly, but this pattern really was absorbed. And the quiet messaging underneath everything was you make yourself what he needs. You contort, you become desirable enough, useful enough, available enough to be chosen. Because being chosen meant safety. So the world changes faster than programming does. Okay. And if you're a program disruptor like myself, this is what we're out to do, right? We're out to solve the world's problems by breaking down the programs. So you end up living in a new time with old software still running. And that old software is, you know, the stuff that we find in our subconscious. Contorting yourself for reasons you cannot even name because the reason is buried generations deep, and nobody ever brought it into the light until someone does. And that someone may be you. I know for me it is me, but that someone may be you.

My Loop: Performing To Be Chosen

SPEAKER_00 5:02

Here's what that looked like in my life. I placed men before myself for most of my life, not consciously. It just was. I contorted, I performed, I bent myself into whatever shape I thought someone needed so they would choose me. Underneath it was a quiet belief that who I actually was without the performance was not enough. I also carried a story about my mother. The story I carried was that she chose men over me. And I carried this story for a very long time. I built walls around that story and I carried it in my body for years. And recently, doing my own healing, something shifted for me. I looked at her and saw it differently. What if she was not choosing men over me? What if she was choosing men over herself? It was like this huge aha light bulb. It was like, holy hell, oh my God. What if she was doing exactly what I'd been doing? Contorting and performing because the same quiet program was running in her, too. She wasn't choosing against me. She was lost inside of a pattern that was handed down to her. She could not give what she'd never been given.

Reframing My Mother And Letting Love In

SPEAKER_00 6:39

So that reframe did not, it didn't erase everything that happened. Okay, it didn't erase everything in my past, but it moved the story out of my body in a new way. And from that new place, I could finally stop carrying something that was never actually about me. It was never about me. You know, and I could look back over the years and recognize all the things I had done inside of that story, all the choices I had made inside of that story. And in that one single moment, recognizing, oh my God, what if that wasn't really the story? And that's where the awareness comes in. That's where the shift happens. That's where a paradigm shift can literally transform your life. It can change everything in a single split second. So I'd also at that time when I was having that big breakthrough, took on letting her know I reached out to her and shared with her that somewhere I believe I'm not enough. I believe that you didn't love me, and I believe that you chose men over me. And she basically said, That's that's not true. And it wasn't. But what I also recognized in that moment is that I had kept myself from from being loved, from actually letting love in because of that story. I did it with her, I did it with others, you know, always believing that I'm not enough and that I'm not being loved. And that story was running long before I was born, long before she was born. It was one of these generational stories that was handed down, passed over by generation after generation, and how it's passed down is through modeling. There's nothing you even have to say. It's simply modeling. You're watching what those around you are doing, and you're picking up on all of that.

The Door, The Bear, And The Inner Child

SPEAKER_00 8:50

When I finally saw that pattern clearly, I was in a state of um meditation. I was in a state of meditation afterwards, and I was looking at that story, and I was shown a door. And everything I'd ever prayed for on the other side of that door, and standing between me and that door was this ginormous story, and it was like a freaking bear. It was enormous. Like the moment I would get too close to it, it could tear me apart. That was how it felt inside my body. I had spent years working around that story, staying inside the walls I had constructed, pressing my hands against the glass, looking outside this door, right? Or this window, living inside this story as if it was real. Until I realized the story is not real. My mind put it there to protect the little girl within me, to protect that little heart. But here's the thing: I'm no longer that little girl. I'm a grown woman today. And that story is not the truth. That door that I had locked myself behind, that window I'd been looking outside of, it was never locked. The window was never closed. I just had to recognize the story and be aware of the story so the story could move, so that it could dissolve, so that it could dissipate and transform into what what I call another possibility. And it did. So now I'm standing outside that room, choosing myself, no longer giving my power away, not just in romantic relationships, but everywhere. No longer giving my power away because I am worthy, I am lovable, and I am enough. And so are you. So whatever that story may be, just consider. Just consider how it has been shaping your life.

Finding Your Loops And Questioning Truth

SPEAKER_00 11:04

So I don't know what your story is, okay? Only you know what has been quietly running underneath in your life. And some of you may say, Well, I don't even know that I know that, Tara. And I'll just ask you is is you want to take a look at your life. Where are the loops? Where are the repeats? Where is it? Keep doing the same thing that you don't want it to do. Is there an area of your life that keeps looping? That's the question. A dynamic that resets no matter how much work you do, it keeps resetting. What if underneath it is a story absorbed before you had any say in the matter? One that is quietly creating the context of everything. And you do not have to blow anything up in your life to look at it, okay? You don't have to do that because I've done that before too. You don't have to blow anything up in your life. You just have to be willing to be curious, curious of like, where is that loop? And ask yourself, is this actually true? Is this story that I say about myself the truth? Is it the truth that this person doesn't see me a certain way? Or is it the truth that I can't achieve XYZ? Is it the truth? No, it it may not be the truth. Context is decisive. You get to say, you get to rewrite the version of your life. You are the journaler of your life, but you're the journalist, excuse me, of your life. You are the author. And you have to be willing to take a look at the stories. And this isn't this is also not to be victimized by a modeled behavior that had been passed down, whether it was from society, your family members, a friend, a loved one. It's not about being victimized to it as much as it's being aware of whoa, the power of our minds, and and I, you get to change that perception. Because the moment you can see a story, you get your power back. You own it, it's yours. It was never your secret to keep. Never your secret to keep. It's your story to heal. And that's what I recognized a few weeks back doing my work. And so you're allowed to heal it. And I just wanted to bring that to all of you today. It was a pretty profound moment for me to see that. And it really goes back to how this life is happening for you, not to you. And when you own that version of yourself, you get to say how life goes. So here's a few things to that I want to leave

Naming The Story And Closing Invitation

SPEAKER_00 14:12

with you. Is there a loop in your life that you're starting to see differently? A story you're questioning for the first time? If so, and if this episode helped you, you know, tell me, drop me a comment, send me a DM. I would love to hear from you. Because none of us are alone on this journey. We're all in it together. We're working through the muck together, and together we can create the biggest, best version of ourselves and live powerfully in the space of love and creation in this life. So I leave you with that. I wish all of you an amazing week. Thank you so much for being with me today. I will see you in a couple weeks and keep rooting and keep rising. Have a beautiful and blessed day. And remember, when you name that story out loud, that's exactly where the healing begins. Have a blessed day. We'll see you soon. Thank you for rooting in and rising with me today. If something in this episode stirred something in you, take a breath, take what you need, and let the rest soften. Be sure to follow the show so you don't miss what's next. And if you feel called, share this episode or leave a review. It helps the space grow and reach others on the path. Until next time, may you walk with trust, speak with love, and rise in your own time. I'm so grateful you were here with us and thanks for being here. We'll see you on the next episode.