You're Not Invincible Anymore: A Dad's Honest Midlife Health Check

If you're a dad in your 30s or 40s who hasn't seen a doctor in years, still thinks you can eat like you're 22, and keeps telling yourself you'll "get healthy later" — this one is for you. Because later has a way of becoming never.

Robbie gets brutally honest about skipping physicals for five years, his history with high blood pressure and high cholesterol, the slow reality of losing weight after 35, and why getting healthy isn't vanity — it's showing up for your kids in the way they deserve.

Topics covered: why dads avoid doctors and what it's actually costing you, realistic approaches to weight loss and fitness with a newborn and a full schedule, the mind-body connection nobody talks about, and why wanting to look good for your wife is a completely valid reason to get in shape.

Transcript

The Reality of Aging and Health Awareness

SPEAKER_00 0:00

If you're a 30 to 40 year old dad or parent who hasn't seen a doctor in years and still thinks you're invincible, then this episode's for you. Now, I'm not sure if it's just social media or our general advancement in information availability, but it seems to me like every day I'm reading another story of a celebrity dying from some sort of cancer, some sort of disease that no one knows about, and they're all 35, 40, 50 years old. They're in this age that I'm in. And I never thought about that. I never worried about those things before. Not to say that I'm going to live my life in fear, but I do realize that I'm now coming up close to 40 years old and I'm not invincible. I do have things that go wrong with my body. I've got aches and pains, and I need to make sure that I'm taking care of myself. In this episode, we're going to do a midlife check-in, go over doctors, weights, fasting, health, just everything in general. And we're going to tie it all back into how it makes you a better parent, makes you a better dad. So for me personally, I have not been to the doctor regularly in years. It's probably been five years since my last physical, so in my early 30s. And even though I've been on this quote unquote journey of trying to get healthy, trying to be better for my kids, I haven't been taking it as serious as I should have. I don't go to the doctor. I don't get my normal screenings done. I haven't had my blood work checked. I have a history of having high blood pressure, of having high cholesterol, high triglycerides and fatty, fatty acids in my blood. There's a lot of things that I thought maybe I'll just kind of not see them. And if I don't see them, then I don't have to deal with them right now. But as I mentioned earlier, I'm seeing a lot of these stories of people that are coming down with different types of cancers or different types of diseases, things that potentially could have been screened out when they were younger and maybe they could have been treated a little bit better when they were younger. And so for me, getting back into the doctor and making that a regular part of my life and ensuring that I'm doing the screenings that I need to in order to make sure I'm around long term for my kids, make sure that I'm healthy, that I don't become a burden for them. And not to say that the doctor and lab work is going to completely alleviate the threat of getting a disease or having cancer. If you catch it earlier, you give yourself a better chance. And unlike what I used to think or how I used to act, just because I don't pay attention or I don't know or I'm ignorant to anything that's going on within my body, that doesn't mean that it's not happening. It just means that I'm pushing it off for a later time, potentially making it worse. And so part of it probably is this a little bit of fear or anxiety in me that I think part of me thinks that I'm still invincible, like I did when I was a kid. And when I say a kid, I mean like 22, 23 years old. When I was super jacked, in really good uh condition, can do pretty much anything that I wanted to physically. I still run under those premises, under the fact that I'm a quote unquote superhero, or that nothing can take me down. But now I know that I'm not. I have these morning aches, my lower back hurts for no reason whatsoever. I wake up exhausted, I get sick a little bit more than I used to. I have random pains in random parts of my body that I can't explain. And things are are different. I'm losing my fucking hair. I'm getting older. It's a reality check. I'm getting there. Everyone gets older, and that's okay. It's not something to fear or to try to avoid. But as I mentioned, I tried to be ignorant of the fact that things were going to be changing and putting my head in the sand is not going to help me in the long run. And so what can we do? If you're like me and you don't like going to the doctor, you don't like uh, you're afraid of eventually having to do that prostate exam or getting uh colonoscopy, which I heard is not fun. What is it that we should be doing? And how should we be looking at the doctor and looking at our own health besides just working out, lifting, running, all of those things? Because those are great. The lifting, the eating healthy, the uh taking care of yourself physically are all a huge portion of how we make sure that we're around long term for our kids, but it's just a portion because there are things that will happen to healthy people. There are things that will happen to people that are in great shape. And that's not gonna help you be around for the long time just by itself. And so going to the doctor, getting a physical, getting blood work done, and uh getting the suggested screenings that the doctor recommends, those are all things that I'm committing to now, essentially for the rest of my life. That I'm gonna go in and I'm gonna be that person who gets checked regularly, make sure that I, if I have questions or I have concerns, that I'm bringing those to my doctor, not out of fear, not out of anxiety, but out of a want and a desire to be here long term for my kids, to be the dad that they deserve. And part of that also is the there's a little bit of a fear or a desire not to become a burden on my family. I don't want to get to a point where my health deteriorates or I catch something and I become this burden to my family. Not just I can't play with my kids or I can't carry my kids, which I plan on doing well into my 70s, 80s, 90s. I want to be that dad who's always strong enough to do what my kids need. But also that desire of not to become a burden to them, not to become someone that they have to take care of, not to become someone that is reliant on everyone else. And I'm sure that there's some toxicity in that in terms of my mindset, but that's a big goal of mine, is to not become a burden to those that I care about. And that's why I need to make sure that I'm paying attention to my own health and taking care of myself. And I think a big part of this, and this could be true for other men out there, it could be true for women out there. I'm not sure if anyone thinks like me, but it is this constant struggle between the old me and the new me. The funny part is the old me was the younger, more sturdy, more durable, more resilient, younger individual who would bounce back from things quickly versus the older, wiser me who's physically not capable of bouncing back as quick as I did before. When I was younger, I ate a shit ton of junk food. I didn't sleep very well. I drank a bunch of alcohol. I didn't always exercise the way that I should be. And yes, I gained weight. Yes, I got to a place where I was overweight, I wasn't in the greatest shape, and I'm not proud of where I was at. But all I had to do was change my habits for a little while and I dropped weight. I got back in good shape, my body bounced back quickly. Now I've been doing this for a couple years now, eating better, not eating fast food, trying to prioritize sleep when I uh don't have a newborn baby at home that is not making that a possibility. Lifting, doing cardio, counting calories, like all of these things I am doing right now in order to get to a better place. And even though I have gotten significantly healthier and I'm less weight than I was, it's not the bounce back that I had when I was younger. I can't not, you know, eat as much food for a couple of weeks and drop 10, 15 pounds. I sniff a Cinnabon now and I put on five pounds. And that's not to say that what I'm doing is wrong or that it's bad or that that's never gonna, you know, I'm never gonna get to a point that I'm looking to get to. It's just a lot fucking slower than it used to be. And that really pisses me off. Because in the age of instant gratification, it would be really nice if this was an instant gratification thing. But it's not. When you get older, it takes longer, it's slower, there's more setbacks, you have kids, you have responsibilities, you have work, you have all these other things that go along with your life, and your body just doesn't respond the way that it did before, which really sucks. But something that I'm accepting, something that I need to accept. And I can't let it deter me from continuing to go down this path to get healthier, to be in better shape, to be the person that my wife deserves, be the person that my kids deserve. I can't fix it later, which is still something that I fall into once in a while. You know, I'll get to the end of the night and I'm starving and I'm like, well, fuck, it's not gonna hurt me that bad. I ate pretty good all day. It's not gonna hurt me that bad if I eat some crap right now, and then I go in and have too much. I have a whole bowl of ice cream where I just can't stop eating little chocolates. I snack, I eat a bunch of shit. And part of it is because I didn't eat enough during the day, trying to be in that calorie deficit. And part of it is because at the end of the day, I don't have that mental fortitude to not fall into old habits. And I need to kind of correct that because I can't just push stuff off to the next day, especially when it comes to my health. I'm just not at a place physically where that's possible anymore. Falling into these habits of trying to push things down the road is what's got me here. And I don't want to be here anymore. I want to continue on the path of becoming a more fit, active, and just a better father and husband overall to my family. And I need to kind of transition from how I used to think in terms of just grind it out, put your head down, hit your head against the wall a million times until you get through. I do need to learn how to start working smarter as opposed to always harder, still working hard, but I'm especially in this season of life where we have a newborn and I'm not able to do all the things I used to do, trying to be flexible in how I look at exercise, how I look at working out, uh, how I look at what I'm eating, just trying to become more knowledgeable and sticking to it. And part of the problem that I have is that sometimes I go too hard thinking like I could do it. I've got enough willpower, I'm just gonna gut it out. And then at the end of the day, I'm I don't have that willpower. I I am hungry and I can't not eat. I'm stressed. My kids stayed up till 10 and I'm just like fuck, I just want to sit down and eat a snack or have some chocolate or you know, order something in. All of these things kind of cross my mind. And at the end of the day, when I'm tired, when I'm hungry, when am I my weakest physically, emotionally, and mentally is when I give in. And part of that is this just like just do it culture, just grind it out. And so having realistic expectations, following a realistic plan during the day, so that way when I get to the end of the day, I'm not starving and I can have a little bit more willpower because my stomach's not sitting there yelling at me, telling me to go eat some food. Now, even with being on this path of trying to be healthier, I was at my lowest weight back in September and October, and then the holidays came around. And I was convinced that I'm like, I'm gonna stick to it, I'm not gonna gain any weight. That was unrealistic. I've got kids now, I have a sweet tooth. We were doing traveling, we were moving, my wife was pregnant, we ordered in more than we wanted to, we were busy, and it's just it was realistic, right? You're gonna go through some ups and downs, but I feel like I did a good job of capping it. And I've kind of gotten to a place now where I capped that maximum, I gained some weight back. I capped off that maximum weight gain at about 260 from 242. And now I'm on my way back down. But it's hard. I'm plateauing, I am struggling to continue to get down that down to the weight that I was at. Part of it could be that I'm working out a little bit differently and possibly putting on more muscle, but part of it could be that now we have a newborn. Now I have busy with the kids, I'm back at work. I don't have the time, the capacity to eat the way that I really want to, or to work out the way that I really want to, to get that cardio that I really want to. Time is a huge constraint on us at this season of our lives. And so one of the things that I've been trying to do is counting calories and not only having a reduction in calories, but also altering the macronutrients that I'm that I'm bringing in. And I know everyone's always like, just protein, no carbs, no nothing. And for me, I do as I started tracking what I was eating in a day, I did realize I actually wasn't eating a ton of protein or as much as I thought I would be, which is weird for me because I grow muscle relatively quickly. Um, I lift relatively heavy weight, and I just thought, like, oh, I'm getting plenty of protein. And until I started tracking and seeing what it was at and seeing what the percentages of protein versus carbs versus fat was. And so I've altered that and I'm trying to keep protein higher. And now one of the problems is that my fat content is actually way lower than my protein and my carbs. And I think that that's what's making me hungry. But, anyways, I mean, not to get into the weeds of that, who gives a shit what I'm eating? It's mostly just saying that as we get older, like making the effort here, actually looking at what's going in your body and seeing how that can impact how you are, not only how your body composition is, but also how you're showing up mentally, physically, emotionally, because food does fuel us and will make you feel certain ways. And I'm trying to do that by keeping at least a loose record of what I'm eating and then also trying to alter what I'm eating, what's going in according to what's going to make me feel best, what's going to help me down this path. I'm not trying to crash diet. I'm not trying to cut out everything. I'm not trying to like have 400 calories a day, but I am trying to limit my calorie intake. I am trying to lose that weight because as I mentioned before, it's not the only thing, but it is a portion of what I need to do in order to become that healthy dad, that healthy husband that I want to be. Now there's a few other things that I'm trying to incorporate here with the getting healthy, with the getting in shape. One thing I've been kind of messing around with is fasting. I'm sure everyone has heard of the fasting trends and all of that. I did do intermittent fasting for a while. It did seem to kind of help before. I don't, I'm not going into the hardcore science of what fasting does to your body, because I've heard different things, and I'm not a scientist, I don't fucking know. What I do know is that trying to reduce calories intake is what I'm what I'm looking to do. And fasting could be a tool in that. And actually, I got lucky that within Lent, my church had a challenge of trying to do fasting, different levels of fasting. And so I I initially was going to try and do one day of like a full fast per day. No way in hell that that was gonna happen. So what I've been trying to do is like severely limit calorie intake one day a week, like a thousand calories a day or something like that. And I do think that it's been helping. And I think that on those days I'm not completely depriving myself, so I'm not like jumping in. But what it helped what it helps with, almost what I feel like the fasting aspect is like when I go to grab a snack or I go to grab something else, I'm like, I only have this amount of calories, and I'm fasting not only for my health, but also for religious purposes. And it prevents me from grabbing that snack or grabbing that candy or grabbing whatever it is, because I'm like, oh, I'm really tracking today. And so maybe that's something that you guys can utilize. I don't know if you're religious or not, but like making it some sort of commitment to where you're not going to break it. And that's one of the biggest problems with me is that not the not necessarily the big meals I eat because I plan those out, I eat them. They're usually relatively healthy, but it's the we've got a candy bowl, or we've got dried fruit, or we've got ice cream, or we've got something else. And I'm just like, I'm hungry, I need to grab something quick. I grab it quick, I throw it in my mouth, I don't think about the calories, I don't think about the macronutrients. And maybe one time, that's not going to be a huge issue, but I do it throughout the day, throughout the night. Whenever I feel hungry, sometimes without even thinking about it. And so that's just when I'm when I am fasting for certain reasons, it makes me think about it, like forces me to look and see like, what am I doing? What am I putting into my body? And that may be something that helps you as well. And then there's the exercise aspect of it. I'm someone who likes to lift. I haven't been able to do as much cardio since the new baby's been around because I've been spending most of my time doing the lifting. I can't keep my lifts as long as I used to make them, or my gym sessions as long as I used to make them because I've got to be around to help out. But lifting is a big thing for me. Doing heavyweights, circuits, that's kind of the big thing for me. But I I do need to try and find a way to incorporate uh cardio again, to incorporate movement, because I have noticed that since I've cut out more of the cardio, still trying to do it what I can. I have less steps per day, less movement, I'm burning less calories. And so lifting is not necessarily the most natural of things, right? It's not like you're just going to get all of the benefits of lifting by doing normal stuff throughout the day. And so, what I what I think though is that cardio-wise, you can get some of the benefits of cardio by just doing normal things, by cleaning up shit around your house, by walking around the block, by going on a walk with your kids while they ride their bike, by going on a bike ride with your your kids, by just, you know, going out in the backyard and walking with your kids, playing with them. These are all just movement-based things that could potentially be considered cardio, or at least in my, even if you don't want to call it cardio, it's just movement. It's some sort of movement, some sort of activity that's helping you burn calories and getting you towards that caloric deficit you're looking for. So that's what I'm one of the things I need to focus on. The lifting weights is obviously a staple. That's kind of a non-negotiable for me. I need that for my mental health on top of being healthy. Um, but trying to get more steps in, more movement, which is hard now that I'm back at work. I have to sit down at a computer for a good chunk of the day. But I am going to be trying to work on getting those steps in by moving around, by cleaning stuff up, trying to find ways to get additional movement in during the day. And this is just a side note for some other people out there that maybe are like me is that this physical activity is not just for my physical health. Same with eating. It's also for my mental health, because I have noticed that when I get to exercise, when I get activity in, when I have a good filling meal that's like healthy and not a McDouble or some shit like that, which I don't eat as often anymore, that I feel better, that I'm less angry, that I have more patience, that I'm more loving. There's a lot of things that I utilize having good physical health that will help me mentally and emotionally. It's a mind-body connection that everyone talks about. It's it's a real thing. And I know that it is because it affects me immensely. If I don't feel good, I can be angry, I can be grumpy. I'm not the most fun person to be around. And so trying to make sure that I'm getting these things done, that I'm making myself healthier. Like I don't even know. It's been so long since I've been to the doctor, since I've checked these things, since I've been truly healthy, that I don't know if I'm walking around in pain every day and always grumpy because I just constantly feel like shit. And that feeling like shit has become the norm for me. That's the status quo. And so that I'm always just in this pain or in this state of not feeling great. And that's just what I've been in. Who knows if I get healthier, if I'll feel better, if I'll be better. I'm sure if I feel better, I'd be nicer and not as short-tempered and more loving and compassionate. Who wouldn't be? The better you feel, I feel like the the nicer you are to people. So that's another reason why I want to focus on these things because I want to be that that good dad, that good husband, the good brother, the good friend, the good coworker. These are the things that I'm I'm truly looking for. And so mental, physical, emotional health, for me, the base is that physical, right? If you don't feel good physically, it's hard to feel good in all the other areas. And that physical health aspect is stuff that you can typically control. And I'm trying to control what I can control, and that's where I'm putting a focus on. So, what does this all look like for me? Right? Well, I like to go to the gym five days a week, but there's no way in hell that that's gonna be happening. So for me, some of the anchors, some of the things that I'm non-negotiable on, Monday through Friday, I'm trying to keep my calories between 1800 and 2300 calories per day. Higher on the protein, you know, roughly I want my protein category to be the highest one, probably followed by carbs, and then after that, followed by fats. Um when I'm not getting into the gym to lift, being flexible and getting a workout in at home, body weight exercises, jump rope, running, all of these things are things that when I can't get that gym exercise in, being flexible and being okay with getting a different type of exercise lift in. And so those are the things three to four days per week, getting some sort of official or structured exercise in, keeping my calories low, trying to get at least 10 to 11,000 steps per day just to increase that movement. Bedtime, we'll see on that one. I'm I've got a newborn, but I would like to get six to seven hours per day. For sleep a day. And then going to the doctor at least once or twice a year just to get screened, just to get the physical, just to make sure that I'm doing well, doing any of the screenings that they suggest, and making sure that I'm making my health a priority. These are some of the non-negotiables and the path that I'm going to be going down in order to become the person that I want to become, become healthy again, to be the best father, be the best husband that I can be. And part of this is not stressing over perfection, but accepting progress as a positive and being okay with progressing towards being better. There are going to be certain weeks where I don't hit all of my non-negotiables, or where I don't get to do what I want, or it doesn't look like what I want it to look like. And I need to be okay with that. I need to be okay with that, not get deterred from continuing down the path. Because that's part of the problem, is you get deterred, you don't do something one week, and you're like, well, for me sometimes, I'm just like, fuck it. I don't want to do it anymore. I already screwed up. I might as well just go all the way. Give me that type of ice cream. On a final note here, one thing that doesn't get talked about a lot when it comes to health, and something that I want in my life is there is an aesthetic part to this as well. And a lot of times people are like, uh, don't worry about that. It's all about feeling good and stuff. Like, yeah, it is, but there's also an aesthetic part. We work out, we try to eat healthy, or at least I do, because I have an image of myself that I want my kids to have. And I look back at some of the pictures of my kids with me when they were babies or when they were younger, and it hurts because I was a fat slob in some of them. I wasn't how I wanted to look. And that's not me shaming myself or self-hating or anything like that. It's just the fucking truth. And I can't go back and change the past. I'm not going to sit here and lament over it and dwell on it and be like, you were the worst dad ever. No, I was a great dad in a lot of ways, but I wasn't that superhero that I want my kids to feel like they have. I wasn't the healthy example to my kids that I want them to have. And I'm lucky because when they're babies, they don't know the fucking difference. But guess what? They're getting older now and they do know the difference. And it's going to be up to me to ensure that I am that example like everything else with mental health, with emotional regulation, with all that stuff. Me and my wife are the example to our kids, and we lead the way. And I want to make sure our family's fit. I don't want my kids to yo-yo like I did. I want them to make being fit, being healthy a priority in their lives and something that they make as a staple constantly. I may not be that younger version of myself that I felt like was invincible or was a superhero, but I damn well sure can make sure that moving forward, I become that image of what I want my kids to see. The strong dad who's fit, who's healthy, who gets to play with them, who can do anything that they want him to do. That's who I want to be. And then also for my wife. I want to look good for my wife. Not because I want other girls to look at me or to like, you know, go out and like impress all of them. I mean, I kind of want people to look at me and be like, oh, he's he's good looking for her. I want to be good looking for my wife. I want to be in good shape because I want my wife to look at me and be like, damn, he's hot. I'd jump his bones. That's part of what I want. And I think my wife deserves it because my wife's smoking hot too. And so I need to make sure I'm keeping up my end of the bargain. And it's not just for her, it's for me too. I want to look like that. I want to be in good shape. I want to look good. I want to feel good. All of these things are combined. And I think sometimes it's it's ignorant to completely ignore the aesthetic aspect of being fit and being in good shape. Not to be like one of those TikTok, you know, narcissistic assholes who's just like, if you're fat, you're not worth anything. That's not true. Like I said, I wasn't a bad dad when I wasn't in good shape. I just wasn't the dad that I wanted to be. There's a lot of aspects that go into it, and I know plenty of shitty people who look really good and are in good shape. I'm trying to get the best of all the worlds. So as I wrap up this episode, it was mostly just a little check-in on where I'm at health-wise, where my mindset's at, and just, you know, maybe a little bit of uh relatability with you. If you're in the same spot that I am, you thought you were a superhero when you were younger, you have him taking care of your health, you're not where you want to be, physically, emotionally, mentally. This is just uh not a call out, but I guess a little bit of a challenge to make it a priority again. It's important. Your kids deserve it, your spouse deserves it. Everyone in your life deserves you to be the best you are. You deserve to be the best that you can be as well. That doesn't mean you need to be perfect. That doesn't mean you need six-pack abs. Doesn't mean everything needs to change right now. It just means starting to take steps to become that best person that you can be, being okay with the progress and moving forward. So if you haven't, you know, go make a doctor's appointment. Go get your physical. If you don't know how to track calories, just download one of the AI tools. ChatGPT will do it for you. Just tell them what you ate and they'll give you a rough estimate on what the calories are and the macros are. Pick a habit that you want to start. You want to start jogging, you want to get 10,000 steps. Just pick one and start working on it. That's where I started, and I'm still working on shit, and I'm still not where I want to be, but I'm working towards that. So, from you guys, as always, I'd like to hear what you have to say, what your thoughts are, if you're in the same spot I am or if you've been here before. And also share this episode with anyone that you think maybe benefit from it, right? Anyone that you think is going to enjoy the content and maybe benefit from a little bit of the message, someone who's in the same spot I am and could use a little bit of relatability. Definitely share the episode with them. If you feel it worthy, share the show with them. Feel free to go onto Apple or Spotify and leave a review for the show. Obviously, this is nothing but a five star show, but nah, I'm just kidding. If you guys do, I appreciate it. Feel free to leave a review. Let me know what you think about the show. Go visit the social media, send me a message. Uh, but other than that, I hope everyone has a good rest of the day, and I will see you all the next time I get 30 minutes to record.