Your Kid's Boredom is a Feature, Not a Bug: Raising Screen-Smart Children in a Tech-Obsessed World

We are raising the first generation of kids who will never know a world without screens, infinite content, and instant gratification — and most of us are figuring it out as we go. In this episode, Robbie gets real about his own phone habits, why "tough shit, go be bored" is actually good parenting, and how to raise kids who can live in the real world without being left behind in the digital one.

No anti-technology rants. No shame for parents who hand over the tablet sometimes. Just an honest, practical conversation about what it means to be screen-smart — for your kids and for yourself.

Topics covered: why boredom builds better kids, the difference between overscheduled and overstimulated children, how to set guardrails without going full Amish, and why the example you're setting right now matters more than any rule you put in place later.

Transcript

Navigating the Digital Landscape

SPEAKER_00 0:00

We are now living in a world dominated by screens, notifications, and instant gratification, videos that go a mile a minute, and entire families looking at their own individual devices at the same time while they're all in the same room. Technology in and of itself is not an evil thing, not something that we should fear. And I'm not saying that my childhood was the most amazing or that we did everything right. But what type of childhood are we giving our kids today in this technology era versus the type of childhood that people had in the past? The type of childhood that I had or my dad had, are there things that we can learn from the past in order to ensure that we're giving our children the best opportunity to great future? If you're concerned about screen time, tablets, TikTok videos, YouTube, all of that stuff, this is the episode for you. In this episode, I'm not going to sit here and talk about how technology is the devil or how you shouldn't allow your kids to utilize screens or have them watch TV or use YouTube or anything like that. This isn't an anti-technology rant. This is more of like how can we be screen smart with our kids? How can we set them up to be the best that they can be in the future? How can we make sure that they are capable of utilizing technology as a tool, but don't let it completely dominate their life, their personality, everything? We need to be intentional in how we utilize technology within our families. And that also includes looking at ourselves, seeing how we're utilizing technology when we're with our kids and how we're not with our kids. How can we expect our kids not to want something that we're constantly glued to? Mom and dad are doing it all the time. Why shouldn't I? This is a difficult topic to discuss because not only does it require us to look internally at our own habits and ways of doing things, but it also requires us to think about long-term, things that we don't really know. We're not really sure what's going to be the best steps forward for our kids. Technology, especially the technology we have nowadays, is so new. And it's going to be a big part of our children's lives. And we don't want to completely shun them from that. We want to ensure that they're able to utilize those things as tools, but we don't want them to end up as mindless Zoom bees. So let's go ahead and start this off by defining what it is that we want to be as parents or what we should strive to be as parents when it comes to technology and children. To me, it's not necessarily about not having any screens, not having any technology, making kids, I don't know, going back to the people talk about the good old days. I'm not going to make my kids go outside, start their own fire with a little fire starter or uh, you know, tell time with a sundial or anything like that. It's more so about being screen smart, utilizing all of the technology as tools, helping them to improve our lives as opposed to taking them over. Screens can be tools for us as well, but they shouldn't be a default babysitter for us a lot of times. And I fall into this. I want to preface all of this by saying that I too have fallen into times where I utilize the technology to help keep my kids preoccupied in certain situations. But I will say that our family's pretty good at not using it for everything. We know that there's a time and a place for it. And parenting can be extremely hard. Kids get bored, kids get restless, they yell, they whine, they have temper tantrums. Tough shit. That's your job as a parent is to be able to deal with that and to teach your kids how to act moving forward, how to deal with boredom. That is your job. It is not the tablet's job. It's not the phone's job. And a lot of times I feel like parents just default, oh, my kid's starting to get wound up a little bit. I'm going to give it to them. It's similar to like, you know, baby starts crying, and before you even, before they even get the first cry out, you're already stuffing a pacifier in his mouth to keep him quiet, as opposed to letting them see if they can cry a little bit. Maybe it's just one little cry and they go back to being happy, something else. Sometimes we as parents are constantly trying to pacify our kids because we want more time or we don't want to have to deal with those hard emotions that everything pulls up in us. And that's not good for our kids. We're called parents. We're not the pacifiers. We're there to parent our kids, to guide them and use these tools as we see fit in times of certain needs. And I do, right? We're at a restaurant and the food took a long time to get out. My kids have already exhausted playing with each other. Sometimes I really am just like, okay, here's an animal video. Let's put that on. So I also fall in the bucket that I do use it sometimes, but we're pretty good at only using it when we absolutely need to in select situations. Now, if you don't do that also, you run the risk of having your kids get attuned to whatever videos you put on. It's not a special novelty anymore. It's not going to keep their attention like it did, and you fall further and further into the trap of getting your kids deeper and deeper into technology. Now a little animal video is not keeping them satisfied or preoccupied at a dinner. Now they need some sort of interactive video. Then they need video games. Then they need Fortnite. Then they need all the other shit. It just goes deeper and deeper down this rabbit hole if you're unable to kind of teach your kids to do without. We also need to make sure that we have guardrails. Sometimes parents are so overwhelmed that they just give their kids the tablet or they just give their kids their phone, let them do whatever they want, go through things. The internet is a scary place. Parents won't let their kids go to a park by themselves. Parents won't let them kids walk down the street by themselves, but parents will give kids free reign to the internet. And I can guarantee you there's way more fucked up shit on the internet than there is at the park down your street. So ensure that we're putting in these guardrails for our kids, that we're monitoring what kind of content that they have, that we're not just letting them have free reign to the internet, to this scary playground that has any type of depravity or scary thing that you can think of located on it, especially with the advent of AI. Everything's on there now. And on top of us not utilizing this as a babysitter for our kids, one thing is that we need to ensure that we're also not contradicting what we're saying. My kids have started to notice it with me. I've had my two my three-year-old tell me, Dad, put your phone down. Put your phone down. And it's a habit, right? We've it started off for work and then the screens got their hook into me and notifications uh got their hooks into me as well. And now I'm sitting there checking Instagram or checking my checking my uh podcast numbers or checking an email for work or checking a personal email while I'm sitting there playing with my kids or pushing my kid on a swing. And I try not to, but I fall into it as well. And we just need to be aware that if we're asking our kids not to have screens or telling them that they can't have screens or telling they can't watch or play with something, they're gonna look at us and be like, well, why are you doing it all the time? And I know that there's the answer we always say, well, because I'm an adult and you're a kid. But if we're truly trying to teach our kids not to be dependent on screens, then we need to be setting the example. This is gonna be a very common theme through most of the things that I talk about on this podcast as it relates to children, is that we are the example for our kids. We are the ones who set the tone. And if we want to make sure that our kids aren't completely run or their lives aren't completely run by a screen or a tablet or content, then we need to make sure that we're not being run by a screen or a tablet or content. And just to recap, I'm not saying not to use screens as a tool to help you get through the day or to help you get through different seasons in life. It's okay. This isn't here to shame parents into don't give your kids screen. It's more so of just a way for us to be cognizant and be aware of the fact that we are doing it and to use them in certain situations and not let them become the default. Don't let them become the default, let them become the exception. Which takes me into another point is our kids are in an era where boredom doesn't truly exist. Our kids have everything at their fingertips videos, video games, content, whatever. It doesn't matter what it is. There is so much stimulation that's available to them constantly, but you still hear them say, like, oh, I'm bored. Boredom is a good thing. Boredom pushes your kids to learn different things, makes them learn how to deal with their own emotions and their own feelings, and also can be some of the greatest times that they ever have. I have recent experience with this where my son said, I'm so bored, there's nothing to do. And I'm like, Well, you've already watched some TV today. We can't watch any more TV. You can go outside and play. Letting them have the freedom to do things that they want to do, to have that open range. We're lucky our backyard's a little bit bigger and we've got plenty of space for them to run around and it's all enclosed, so it's not like they're going to run away, everything's locked. They're within our backyard, which there are certain dangers there, but dangers that we've hopefully taught our kids to avoid or to let us know if something happened. So we we get the occasional bump bruise, you know, busted lip, stuff like that. But our kids are given the freedom to go into the backyard, unsupervised, and figure stuff out. And my six-year-old went from being, I'm bored, dad, to having a great time with his brother. They just were in the backyard pretending they made a fort out of sticks with a rock. They were looking for rocks, they were looking for bugs. Uh, they set up some decorations they found in the garage uh for Halloween, and they were making a haunted house, even though it's literally March. And we gave them the freedom to do that. They made great memories, they weren't attached to a screen, their creativity was on hyperdrive, and they had a great time. And then they came inside and they fell right asleep, which is also an added benefit. They're out there physically exerting themselves, mentally exerting themselves, and they came in and they were exhausted, which was a great thing. When I grew up, we had video games, we had TV, we had all of that stuff. But my most fond memories were the times I was out skateboarding with my friends, or in the backyard playing on the trampoline with my friends, or swimming, or going on a hike, or going bike riding. There was also the times where we would all gather in the back and play video games on the Nintendo 64 Tony Ox Pro Skater and Mario Kart and all that stuff, but it was a little bit different than it is today because there were four controllers connected to one TV, and there were seven kids packed on one couch playing the games, taking turns, uh, talking to each other, interacting with each other. And I know they've got that now. You interact via online and talk to people, but even then the video games were different. You were in the same room. You were still, it was like a social event as opposed to some sort of individual thing you were doing by yourself. Those were the memories that I have. Those are the things that I want my kids to be able to build. And I think that those will serve them well in the future. Not only that, but the entertainment and all of the things that the kids have today is very short-form entertainment, endless scrolling, instant gratification. I'm not a scientist, I'm not a psychologist, so I'm not going to go into deep into what it's doing to our children's brain in terms of just like dopamine and all of the other things, but it it is having an impact on kids, on the way that they view life, on the way they handle boredom, on the way that they handle their emotions, and just getting these dopamine spikes from having this instant gratification. We all know that instant gratification is something that all of us would really like. I even mentioned it last week in the episode, like for weight loss. God, I wish I had instant gratification. I wish that I would instantly lose 60 pounds and be at my goal weight or, you know, just be super shredded, be in great shape. I would love that I could have that instant gratification in theory. But in reality, it would be terrible for me. In reality, instant gratification is not a real life thing. It doesn't happen. And getting trained to feel like it does happen makes the real world feel unsatisfying. You don't feel like the real world is good enough because you're not getting this instant gratification that you get while you're on a tablet or while you're doing doom scrolling on Instagram. And that cut causes this disconnect between the real world and the tech world. So I challenge you, let your kids be bored. When they say I'm bored, say tough shit. Go figure something out. Go out and play, go build a fort, go run around the backyard, go jump on the trampoline, whatever it is that you've got in your area or your home, I know that not everything's the same. Let them be bored, let them figure it out, give them the freedom to do that, and you'll be surprised. A lot of times, kids, maybe if they're really stubborn, they'll just sit there and pout forever. But kids are not gonna stay bored for long. They're gonna go find things to do. Now, there's a couple of different types of childhood that I'm gonna talk about now in terms of just like the pace of the child's life. And really, to me, you've got two extremes. You've got the overscheduled child and you've got the overstimulated child. And like most things, I'm typically in the middle. An overscheduled child is one that's got piano, karate, baseball, soccer. Every minute of every day is scheduled out. They've got something that they have to do, and they're just always on the go. They don't have any time to themselves, they don't have time to be bored because they're just constantly activity after activity. Parents are planning everything for their children. And that's going to be a kid who's overly scheduled. And then on the other side of it, you have the overstimulated kids, the kids that are given the freedom, but are also given content tablets. They just sit around and watch stuff all day and they're just constantly overstimulated by all of these things coming in. And for me, I think that there's a happy balance between a lot of these things. We have we have our kids, we have them scheduled for certain things. It typically, I would like to keep it to one sport per season, and maybe even a season where we don't have anything. I don't want them to have practice every single day. I don't want them to have singing lessons in between, karate lessons in between. I want my kid to be able to just have a day where it's unplanned, where he gets to choose what he wants to do, and then giving him that freedom to do it. Now, as parents, we can't just give them unlimited freedom. Our job is to help schedule and structure our children's days and uh their lives early on. But within that structure, you need to build in the freedom for them. Right? It's going to be a larger structure. And inside of that structure, you should have boxes where it's like, my child has the freedom within this box. This is your freedom hour, two hours, whatever it is. Slowing down their childhood and letting them have this free time is great. Building this in and letting them have that freedom and that boredom, having some activities scheduled for them, like baseball or soccer, and then also incorporating screen time in there. We don't personally have tablets for our kids. I have a theory that if the screen is portable and they can do multiple things at once while they're doing it, I don't think that that's amazing for children. I would prefer that if my kids are going to be watching a screen, that they sit down and they watch the screen. If you're going to watch TV, if you're going to watch a show, you're going to sit down and you're going to watch it. And it's not going to be one where you flip between YouTube channels and whatever. You're going to pick a show and you're going to watch the show. You're going to pick a movie, you're going to watch the movie. And I think that that is, like I said, to me, that is better than having a screen that's portable and they're constantly multitasking with it. I don't have scientific evidence to back that up. I haven't gone and done a bunch of research on it. It's just a theory that I've got and I'm sticking with it. Uh, I think personally, if you can make the screen watching a social event as well, similar to what I talked about when I played video games with my friends, we have movie night every Friday night. And we are watching a movie, but we watch it as a family. We have a special meal and we have a special dessert that I make. It's a social event for all of us. Even though we're all watching the screen, we're watching the same thing together. We get to talk about the movie, talk about the story. And to me, that is something that should also be incorporated into a child's life. Everything about a kid is about balance. It's about balancing, exposing them to certain things, making sure that they understand that life is more than just one thing or the other. And I'm sure everyone's going to have different ways of doing that. And that's great. I want everyone to have a different way to doing that. I think we just need to be aware of what's going on. Because personally, I think that when parents fall into like the single track of we're going to be doing things one way, you either have a parent who's just so convinced and you know has like this moral obligation of like no screens or no tech or no anything like that. Or you have parents who are just so overwhelmed that they you they they don't know, they don't think about it. They're just like, here, here's the screen, here's that. Being aware of what you're doing and having some sort of plan is going to help you develop your kids to the best of your ability. Now, a lot of it ends up being on their shoulders, their personality, their character, their genetics are going to determine a lot of what happens with them, but you need to do the best you can to put them in an environment where they can succeed and become good human beings. And since our kids don't have screens yet, they don't have their own phones, they don't have their own tablets, they don't have anything like that. We don't really have a lot of rules around that. But I think that as they get older and they we do start to incorporate this, I think there will be rules that come in. And I the biggest thing is I think that me and my wife need to play by the rules too. The rules that are going to be set for our kids are ones that we need to make sure we're comfortable following as well, like no screens at the dinner table or no screens after a certain time, or you know, cell phones all charged in a in a central location or something like that, not on your nightstand, not in your room, so you can scroll screen. So I don't have any suggestions on that yet because I'm not there in my life, but I'm sure someday we will be, and I'm sure I'll have plenty of opinions on it. Now I did just want to take a second to say that I'm not trying to shame parents. I've already mentioned it before. I'm not trying to create shame or wag my finger at people who use screens and give their kids screens. That that's not this. I know that raising kids can be difficult. I know that we're really busy. I know that a lot of families have two income households where both parents are working and you're just trying your damnedest to make it through the day. And I get that. I understand. And as I've mentioned, I do use screens sometimes to help with my kids. But again, you don't have to be perfect with these things. You don't need to never let your kids have screens. There are gonna be weeks, maybe there's a a vacation where your kids at home, but you need to keep on working, where you let them watch more screen time than you normally would. Or you let them use the tablet outside of normal hours, right? But things come up, but having a structure is not about sticking to it constantly or to be perfect within that structure. Having a structure is just making sure that you're aware of what's going on and that you're the one who's deciding this, these things, that you have a say in your child's uh technology use, in your kid's rearing, that you're not using them as babysitters or pacifiers, and that you have a plan for the growth and development of your kids. We're all gonna have bad weeks, we're all gonna have bad months, bad things are gonna come up, and that's fine. That's fine. You're not gonna ruin your kids, they're not gonna be completely fucked up because you gave them a screen longer than you wanted to. It's more so about the consistency and having a plan and having a structure so that way you are having more good days, more good weeks, as opposed to having rough ones, as opposed to letting that become the default. And part of this too, like I've already mentioned, is looking back on our own habits, looking on what I'm doing. But me personally, I do have an issue with my phone. I didn't before, but now I do. I mean, I listen to podcasts a lot. I'll put the earplug in my ear while I'm doing shit around the house. And I'd like to say that it's just background noise, but it's not. It does distract me from my kids sometimes. They're asking me questions and I'm like, what? And I know I'm going deaf because I listened to rock and roll too loud in my earbuds when I was younger. But even that, it's not that. It's the fact that I'm subconsciously listening to something else. I'm tuning out, which is something I need to work on, something that I struggle with. I will look at my phone as just a habit. I'll have my phone in my pocket at all times. I have that with me on a very consistent basis. And my kids see it. My kids see that I'm using it. And right now, it's fine. They don't have phones. I know that they're for adults, but they're gonna get older and they're gonna want them. And they're gonna be like, why does mom and dad? That have one? Why do you guys get to do this? And it's going to be harder and harder for me to tell them because if I'm not doing something important, if I'm not actually working or doing something that needs to be done, if I'm just sitting there scrolling Instagram or looking up something online because I want to look it up, or just looking at the phone, just pulling it out of my pocket and looking at it, they're going to ask why. And I'm going to have a harder time sitting there and justifying it to my kids. So this is something that I need to look at deeply is my own relationship with technology, my own relationship with my phone, and how I'm setting an example for my kids. And I'm not anywhere close to perfect right now. I got pretty good at it. We got stressed out. We had a stressful season. And then I fell back into the same habit of utilizing the phone as like a pacifier in certain situations. And so I'm working on it now. I'm not perfect and I never will be perfect, but trying to model a healthy relationship with technology is my responsibility, not my kids' responsibility. And if I want to be able to tell them with full confidence and just tell them the truth when they're older and expect them to listen to my rules and regulations, I need to set that example. And so why are we concerned about this? Why are we working towards all of this? It's it's not just because we want to restrict technology use with our kids. It's because we have a certain vision for what we want our kids' childhood to like look like. And that's because we want them to be a certain type of person when they're older. Not that we want to completely control who they are. They have their own personality, their own character. They're going to develop in their own special way. But what do you want your 16-year-old to look like? What do you want your 20-year-old to look like? Do you want a 16-year-old who can't go to social gatherings with your family without an iPad and headphones in and just sits around and doesn't do anything at the gathering, doesn't interact with their cousins, doesn't do, like literally just sits on a couch and plays on an iPad for three hours? Or do you want the kid that goes out and explores the backyard or goes and plays with their cousins and does creative games with them or just talks with them? What is it that you want your kid to be able to do? What do you want that person to look like? Do you want a 20-year-old who's got extreme social anxiety, can't talk to anyone outside of a Zoom chat or something like that, doesn't know how to interact with other people, can't do a job interview because they never learn how to deal with awkward situations or to have eye contact? Or do you want a kid who's well balanced, who knows how to get on a Zoom interview, who knows how to interact that way, but at the same time can go into a happy hour and interact with multiple people, can have a conversation with a fellow human being and not constantly have to be dragged into the technology or to be pulled away. For me, I want the kid that's well balanced. I want the kid who knows how to do things on technology and can use it as a tool, but also one who lives in the real world. That's really what it comes down to. Do you want your kid to eventually turn into a teenager or an adult who lives in the virtual world, or do you want them to live in the real world? Me, I want them to live in the real world. I want them to view the virtual world as a tool, something that can help them in the real world, something that can be utilized to make sure that they're successful in the real world, but not a place that they live, not a place that they constantly go to. I want them to live in reality with fellow human beings and to be a well-balanced person, a good person. And how do we create that in our kids? How do we ensure that they're down that path? In my opinion, it's not by completely depriving them of the technology that they're inevitably going to need to use. It's making sure that there are these structures and boundaries in place, that you're setting up what you want your family to look like and what type of people you want your family to be, and then following those rules, setting the example yourself and ensuring that your children have a balanced, slow, bored existence where they're able to be creative and able to come up with solutions to problems and critically think and deal with their own emotions and thoughts when they don't have a constant stream of stimulation. That's where I'm coming from, and that's what I want my for my family. It's fine if it's different for what you want for your family. That's fine. Every family is different. And maybe you think that technology or the the virtual world is the way of the future, and that's where everyone's gonna be. And that's that's fine, that's up to you. Everyone's got to make their own choice, everyone's gonna lead their family in their own direction. But for me, I want my kids to have a good mix of some of that old school, good old-fashioned, slow living, and a mix of some of the new technology screens, shows. I want to make sure that they're not behind other people when it comes to using those tools, but that they still are well-rounded human beings. So just to close, you're not a bad parent. You let your kids use screens more than you want to, or you don't let them use screens whatsoever, don't let them use technology. Like you're not a bad parent. You're thinking about it. If you, if you care about your kids, if you take care of them and you're trying your best, that's all anyone can ask of you. All anyone can ask is that you love, care for your kids, try to help them become the best people that they can be. And I think just thinking about these things, having these own conversations with between you and your spouse and talking about what is our plan? What are our goals? What do we want for our family? Just having those conversations in and of themselves make you a better parent than a lot of parents out there because it shows that you care, that you're thinking about it, that you really do want the best for your kids and your family in the future. It's a crazy world. Things are chasing, changing constantly. And technology is just going to get more and more crazy, more and more in your face, more and more utilized. And we don't want to completely deprive our kids of that, but we want to make sure that we have the guardrails in place to ensure that they don't get sucked into that world. And I know that it can happen because I didn't grow up with it, and I've already been sucked in with screen time and instant gratification and doom scrolling. So it definitely can happen to my kids. They don't have the mental capacity yet to resist like I do, and I have a hard time resisting. It would be almost damn near impossible for them. So let's just think about it. Let's try to come up with guardrails and come up with different ways that we can help our kids live a slower childhood, be bored, be creative, be able to interact with other people and not just live in a virtual world of constant gratification or instant gratification. And my ask from you today is I would love to hear from anyone out there. Maybe you're a parent who's got kids that are as young as mine, maybe you have older kids, teenagers, and this is a much more complicated issue for you. I'd love to hear on what you guys are doing or what your thoughts are. What are some of the best low-tech activities that you guys use, or how do you help keep your kids off of screens, but also keep them, you know, occupied? What are some things that they can do that's fun or to help develop them? I'd also ask that if you're listening to this and you've got friends that have kids and maybe they're struggling with screen time or technology, that you share this episode with them. Not that I've got all the answers or that I even presented all the answers here, but it's just a conversation to have, thoughts to have, things to start have turning over in your mind so that way we can come up with solutions. And they're not going to be final solutions. Everything's constantly evolving. All of the things that I just talked about, they may be outdated someday. And that's fine. But for right now, what are the best things that we can be doing as parents to help create good humans, good kids? That's going to be it for today's episode. I really appreciate you guys being here. Um, as I already mentioned, feel free to share this episode with a friend, family member, someone that you think could benefit from the message or what we've talked about today. And other than that, I really appreciate again all of you being here listening. Have a fantastic rest of the day. And I'll see you all again when I have another 30 minutes when my new board's not crying to get another episode out.