E28: How Shame and ProBeing Impact Our Relationships

Dr. Benau explores relational trauma and how shame and pride influence connecting with others. He highlights his research, professional experience, and personal stories to highlight how we can transcend shame to connect with others.

Guest:
Dr. Ken Benau Ph.D. has been a licensed clinical psychologist since 1990, and maintains a private practice in Kensington, CA, located in the San Francisco Bay Area. Dr. Benau has expertise in working with children and adults with various learning and developmental differences, including those living with LD, ADHD and Autism Spectrum Disorder. He has a special interest and expertise in shame and pride-informed psychotherapy with survivors of relational trauma. Dr. Benau has presented his ideas about shame, pride, and dissociation and their therapeutic applications in psychotherapy with relational trauma survivors at various international conferences, webinars and podcasts. He has also written several peer reviewed articles with that same theme, where he introduced the concept and phenomena of pro-being pride, a powerful antidote to traumatic shame states. Pro-being pride is the experience of taking delight in one’s unique ways of being and relating to oneself, others, and in the world. Dr. Benau’s book, Shame, Pride, and Relational Trauma: Concepts and Psychotherapy, was published by Routledge in March, 2022.

To learn more about Dr. Benau, please visit:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists/ken-benau-kensington-ca/279286

5:00  – Work History – Understanding Pride and Pro-Being
7:30 – Concepts – Relational Trauma
9:00 – Concept – How Pro-Being, Shame, and Pride Interact
11:30 – Concept – Attunement, Rupture, and Repair
14:50 – Concept – The Good Enough Parent (D.W. Winnicott)
20:30 – Concept – How Ignoring Can Lead to Relational Trauma
21:20 – Concept – How Shame Can Show in Relationships
22:30 – Idea – Shame State
25:00 – Idea – How Does Shame Show Up: Perfectionism, Anger, Anxiety
30:00 – Concept – Guilt vs. Shame
34:50 – Adult Strategy – Verbalize and Show Non-Judgement
36:30 – Concept – Shame is Protective
37:25 – Strategies to Heal from Shame – Building Connections
42:45 – Concept – The Emotional Bank
45:40 – Strategies to Heal from Shame – Building Confidence
48:30 – Strategies to Heal from Shame – Listening
50:00 – Idea – Affects are on a Spectrum (Sylvan Thompkins)
52:30 – Parent Strategies for ProBeing – Curiosity Around Parenting
52:30 – Parent Strategies for ProBeing – Building Connections
58:30 – Student Strategies for ProBeing – Watching for How People Make Connections
68:00 – Previous Episode – Purpose & Happiness (Tracy Bower)
69:00 – Personal Wellness Strategies – Hanging with Friends

Special thanks to musical artists:
Psalm Trees: https://psalmtreesbeats.bandcamp.com/
Open Concept: https://opencontact.bandcamp.com/

To provide suggestions for new topics in future episodes, visit:
present-mind.org/podcast