Faith Unmuted With Esther Graham
This is the place where Christian women get the opportunity to press the button and say what they want, how they want and exactly how they feel.
The one place where, together, we can collectively walk through our truths, live unapologetically and stop hiding.
Esther Graham has being in ministry all her life and has felt silenced from all the labels and responsibilities that come from being a pastor's daughter to the unexpected role of being a pastor's wife. This journey has not been easy nor has it been just. Esther no longer wants to hid nor lower her voice.
On this podcast, Esther shares what happens when you use your voice and shares the stories of overcoming the stereotypes and living unapologetically.
Faith Unmuted With Esther Graham
Breaking Free from Scriptural Masks
Why do we often use scriptures to justify our actions or hide from our true emotions? In this compelling episode of Faith Unmuted, I confront the troubling trend of manipulating biblical texts to fit personal narratives at the expense of genuine authenticity. Drawing from a heartfelt story about a man on the brink of divorce, I discuss the importance of addressing real emotions rather than masking them with scripture. Together, I explore what it truly means to live out the teachings of the Bible in our everyday lives, urging listeners to embody their faith sincerely and authentically.
I will share my transformative journey of self-awareness and the courage it takes to live unapologetically. Rejecting superficial societal standards, I will advocate for expressing true emotions and prioritizing joy, peace, and happiness over material wealth. I emphasize the importance of living out the message of love that God embodies, rather than using religious texts as a shield. Tune in as we inspire listeners to redefine what it means to live as a Christian woman, embrace their truths, and embark on their own paths of self-discovery and genuine living.
Join the conversation and share your thoughts at www.esthergraham.com.
You are listening to Faith Unmuted. The place where Christian women get the opportunity to press the button and say what they want, how they want and exactly how they feel. The one place where, together, we can collectively walk through our truths, live unapologetically and stop hiding.
Speaker 2:So this is a difficult, or let's say a hard subject for me to talk about, but it's so real. And that is hiding behind scriptures. Now, if you don't know I'm, you know I'm a church girl. I grew up. You know I'm a PK. My husband is a pastor. You see how I pause when I say I'm a pastor, because I like to say that I'm a pastor by default and I struggle sometimes with saying that I am all. I'm a pastor, I'm in ministry, because I think when you tell people that, then they put on a whole different facade and they've got you know, and I don't like that. I just like people to be who they are around me, the good, the bad and the ugly, all of it. I'm here for all of that. And so one of the things that has really bothered me, always has, is when people hide behind scriptures. Right, you know the Bible, the words in the Bible. They hide behind them. And what does that mean? Well, I remember one day my husband was counseling someone who he was contemplating divorce him and his wife getting a divorce and so my husband said to him why do you want to? You know so, why do you want? Or why where are you on the divorce. He said, well, you know I'm not going to get it because. And the guy began on the other end just quoting a lot of scriptures and you know what, you know what he's been taught and all of these different things, and so, and then my husband, he listened to him and then he, he said now, let's remove the scriptures, do you want a divorce? And the person on the other end got really quiet and they said no one has ever asked me that before or told me that. And he said, yes, I want a divorce. That said so much to me because it was like a light bulb went off in my head and in my mind. That said wait a minute.
Speaker 2:We often hide behind scriptures. Oh, my gosh, so sick of it. We use God as a crutch to our behavior, what we do and what we don't do. He's a crutch and because we use him as a crutch and we hide behind the scriptures, we never really show up as who we really are. That's why sometimes we'll show up and we'll be this way, and then, behind closed doors, we're sneaking and hiding, hiding behind scriptures. It happens every day, all the time. I see it so much.
Speaker 2:I hear people say like well, it's better to obedience is better than sacrifice. Okay, but you know you don't want to do it, so why do it? Hiding behind the scriptures means that you're using it as a way to escape for me who you really are and what you really think. And what's interesting about all of that is that we'll use these scriptures. We'll use it to fit exactly what we need. You know what I'm saying? Like we'll talk about how, let's say, stealing is a sin, but we forget that lying is too, and we've given them two different, let's say, status or not showing love. That's wrong too. So I found that in the Christian world, from my perspective, there are many who are hiding behind the scriptures. They're using God as a crutch for their behavior, and when you do that, you do a disservice to yourself and you do a disservice to everyone else, people who are looking at you, people who you should be showing up, for You're not really showing up because you're hiding.
Speaker 2:You know, I think I used to hide at one point because it was my protection. It was how I kept myself safe from the vouchers. Is that how you say? Vouchers, vipers? I would myself say things like well, obedience is better than sacrifice. And so I'm going to do this, knowing that, in my heart, I did not want to do it. I didn't feel as if it was for me to do, but I did it simply because I wanted to, of what the word said, what that scripture said, and also because it was always told to you. You know, it's always told to you all the time, all the time, in other words, that if you didn't do it, you were going to be punished, you were going to be this, you were going to be that, and that's not what the scriptures are all about. Honestly, the scriptures are about us living out what it says in authenticity and not using it as a crutch to hide who we really are. Not using it as a crutch to say you know, I really feel like this isn't right and so I'm going to speak up on it. But instead we may say well, I'm going to live at peace, because this is what God says, you know, or we'll take it and we'll say well, god says this and we'll totally take it out of context and out of everything. Listen, I was once told by a pastor how could I even be in ministry? Because I don't play the piano, I don't sing. I don't do all these different things. I wear lipstick, I wear makeup. I wear all these things. Yes, I do and I absolutely love it. And I don't play the piano and I don't sing. I do make a joyful noise and I like to dance a lot.
Speaker 2:And when you could give me a scripture to confirm what you're saying and it's way out of context. That's where you're hiding behind things, and I think that many of us behave as if as if that the scripture covers us and no See, what God really wants is for us to live in authenticity, and let's stop using what we don't do and saying God, we lie, we lie on him, we lie and say God told me this and God told me that Liar, when you know he didn't tell you nothing. This is what you want to do. So you use him as a crutch and then you get a scripture to help support what you're doing and you just continue to lie to yourself about it, and when you do that, you're lying to other people as well. Listen, I can talk about it because I've lived it out. Listen, I can talk about it because I've lived it out. I can talk about it because I feel as if I've lived a point to where I was hiding behind the scriptures. That's why, when my husband was counseling that person, I listened and it hit me Whoa Esther, what scriptures are you hiding behind?
Speaker 2:And I could begin to name some of those scriptures. One in particular. I said it earlier obedience is better than sacrifice. Because I heard it so much so I decided I was going to be obedient to whatever everybody else said, forgetting that I needed to be obedient to me and to God. Or be careful what you speak. Now remember exactly where that's from, because I paraphrase a lot of my scriptures.
Speaker 2:Truth be told, I paraphrase it. I've been judged for paraphrasing and not giving, but this is just who I am. Y'all, I paraphrase it. I've been judged for paraphrasing and not giving, but this is just who I am. Y'all, I paraphrase. It gets to point. And so don't speak that, because the people may take it one way or this way. What do you mean? But this is truth. So now I have to hide behind this? No, no, I remember I would go into my bedroom when it's quiet.
Speaker 2:My husband could be downstairs or somewhere and I would just quietly go and I would just lay down and I would just quietly go and I would just lay down and I would just cry and cry and say God, why is this so? I don't want to hide behind the scriptures, I don't want to hide behind what you're saying. I don't want to use you as a crutch and not live fully. I would have my conversations and I remember one night I was just crying profusely and I just couldn't stop. And I couldn't stop and I said God, what is this all about? I went to church and I heard this word and it bothered me. Didn't sit right with me. Am I hiding? I need to speak up and say that's not right. I don't agree with that. Why am I in the room and I'm laying there on my bed in the dark just crying and saying God, help me, because I can't live my life like this anymore, because I can't live my life like this anymore, and I don't know how to tell anyone, how to tell my husband. I just can't live like this anymore.
Speaker 2:I remember having the conversation with him and I remember saying babe, I just, I just can't live like this anymore. I realized that I'm angry, angry with God, I'm angry with you. I'm angry, angry with God. I'm angry with you. I'm very resentful because I'm living and I'm hiding behind these scriptures and I feel as if I'm lost and I shouldn't be lost. I'm living out what you want me to live out. I'm living out what the church wants me to live out. I'm living out what I'm living out on my job. I'm living out all of these things and I'm just hiding behind everything. And I could quote the word of God I might be paraphrasing it, but it's still the word and I'm living and it's like driving me crazy to where my mind couldn't take it anymore.
Speaker 2:I remember he looked at me and he just listened because he didn't know what to do. He didn't know what to say to me. I remember clearly hearing from God saying you're expecting him to do what only I could do and what only you could do, what only you could move through. You got to help yourself, you got to make a decision not to live like this anymore, not to live behind scriptures. Yeah, one of the hardest things to do and to talk about. I wanted to be so careful and be and trust me y'all, I'm not talking about just living a whatever life. I'm talking about just normal life. This is just living, you know.
Speaker 2:And he sat there that night and he looked at me and he says what do you want to do? And I was like I don't know what I want to do. But what I do know is I can't live like this anymore. I'm not happy, I'm not happy and I know that there's more to life than this. I can't hide behind scriptures. I have to live it out In authenticity, in integrity. See, I think that when you hide behind the scriptures and you don't really say what you want to say, you know, behave the way you want to believe. If you're not aligned, I think that you're not acting in integrity. Yeah, and for me, integrity is really important, and I felt as if I was living an inauthentic life, which meant I was not living in integrity.
Speaker 2:I wouldn't talk about, you know, when I got really depressed, because I went through a stage of depression that I kept very quiet from everybody and I used the scripture that the Lord is the lifter up of your head, which he really is. Here it is. But while he's the lifter up of my head, I have to do something and not stay in the depression and say, well, god's gonna do something, god's gonna move, he's gonna work, he's gonna do this. What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do? That's what I had to realize that I was in depression.
Speaker 2:And since he's the lifter above my head, I can't be depressed. It's impossible. No, it's very possible, and maybe this hasn't happened to you and maybe your life is totally different, but I know, for me, as a woman, whether I'm married to a pastor or not, as a woman, being able to say I'm depressed. This is how I'm feeling, this is what I'm doing. I feel resentful, I feel this that's a lot, because we're supposed to be quiet, we're supposed to be. You know, do what you got to do. Grin and bear it, don't speak up. Or, as my mother sometimes would say, esther, that is not ladylike.
Speaker 2:It's not ladylike. No, it's very ladylike to say I have been working on not hiding behind scriptures. I have been working on not using God as a crutch. You know, we see it all the time out in the world, right? You know God hates the gays. That's not true. Where do you see that? You know we've got Christians fighting against Christians. We're fighting religions fighting against religions, people fighting against people.
Speaker 2:How about this big thing? How about if we really live it out and say that God is love and let's just live that out? How about if we do that and not use these different scriptures or these different sayings or whatever to meet what we want and what makes us feel good and causes us to hide, hide ourselves, hide who we really are, hide ourselves, hide who we really are? Man, listen, I like to say that if you're mean and sorely, just say that's what you are, because I believe that's how you'll get help. So today, you know, I'm living my life, I'm coming out and I'm saying I refuse to hide behind the scriptures anymore. What I will do is live them out. What I will do is make sure that I'm in alignment. What I will do is be Esther 100%, 365 days of the year and the moment that I think I'm not, I'm going to step back and reevaluate, because I refuse to show up as anyone else or as what anybody else wants me to be. What I am going to do is love with everything I have. What I am going to do is open my heart to humanity. What I am going to do is set the example of authentic living according to what I believe it is. Yeah, what I am going to do is speak up and use my voice, because I know that's what I'm called to do. So I'm still in ministry. It may not look like what everybody expects for it to look like. It may look really different.
Speaker 2:One of the greatest things that Jonathan that's my husband said to me. He said Esther, he said I'm the pastor and you're doing exactly what you're supposed to be doing. Continue doing it. Best thing that was ever said is that I get to live this life and I'm so blessed and every day I'm becoming more and more aware of who I am, who I want to be and what I want on this earth, on this planet, that I'm living right now.
Speaker 2:And when you begin to live that life, when you begin to say let me remove the scriptures and what is it that I really want? And how could I take this word that I got and really amplify it in my life Not hide behind it, but amplify it when you could really do a self-evaluation and say am I showing love, am I showing kindness? Am I living an authentic life? Am I true to myself? Am I true to who I really really am? Am I true to that?
Speaker 2:I think that's when you begin to really live. This is my journey. I'm still on it, I'm still working through it, I'm still becoming aware, very self-aware, of who I am and what I really want and, honestly, it's very difficult to pull it out of me. So I want to encourage you to stay on the journey with me, because it's still being pulled out of me and sometimes the pulling out of me makes me cry because it hurts. But it's a soul bath and every once in a while, if not all the time, our soul needs a bath, and so those tears is exactly that, and when you bathe your soul in your tears, then you could begin to come out as who you are.
Speaker 2:You could begin to live your life. You can say I'm not going to hide behind anything, anyone, I'm just going to live this life. You could live it in joy and peace and happiness, despite what may be going on around you, and you could extend a hand of love and acceptance to others who may not even be like you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So what I can tell you today is that, step by step, I'm removing and I'm not hiding behind scriptures. I'm not using God as a crutch as to why I'm doing something or not doing it. I'm being very authentic and very real with me, and that helps me to move forward and to live the life that I want to live and I believe that I'm called to live. For me, it's that crossing the comma and living the abundant life. It has nothing to do with money, it has everything to do with me and my joy and my peace and my happiness. Yeah, that's it. This is me.
Speaker 1:Wasn't that episode amazing Living unapologetically, faith unmuted has allowed us once again to ask ourselves the kind of questions that will help us get to the next level and live this life unapologetically. Your next step head on over to wwwestrogramcom and let me know what your favorite episode is, ask a question or share this with a friend. I can't wait to be with you next week as we dive deeper into redefining what it means to be a Christian woman and redefining what it means to live in our truth.