Faith Unmuted With Esther Graham
This is the place where Christian women get the opportunity to press the button and say what they want, how they want and exactly how they feel.
The one place where, together, we can collectively walk through our truths, live unapologetically and stop hiding.
Esther Graham has being in ministry all her life and has felt silenced from all the labels and responsibilities that come from being a pastor's daughter to the unexpected role of being a pastor's wife. This journey has not been easy nor has it been just. Esther no longer wants to hid nor lower her voice.
On this podcast, Esther shares what happens when you use your voice and shares the stories of overcoming the stereotypes and living unapologetically.
Faith Unmuted With Esther Graham
Harmonious Living vs. Balancing Act
Have you ever felt like your life was spiraling out of control despite your best efforts to keep everything balanced? I certainly did – juggling roles as CEO, mother, wife, ministry leader, and student while spending 13-15 hours at work daily. My pursuit of balance led to a shocking wake-up call when stress paralyzed my body, forcing me to reconsider everything.
That traumatic experience revealed a profound truth: the very concept of balance was my problem. When we're constantly trying to balance everything, something inevitably falls out of balance – usually ourselves. After my health crisis, I discovered a revolutionary perspective. Life isn't meant to be balanced; it's meant to be harmonious.
Think of harmony like an orchestra where each instrument plays its part at the right time, creating beautiful music together. Or consider a swing set – when properly assembled with every piece in its correct place, it moves smoothly. Similarly, harmonious living doesn't mean abandoning responsibilities but giving each aspect of life its proper place and timing. This shift transformed my approach to my multiple roles without abandoning any of them.
For women, especially, the pressure to balance everything perfectly creates dangerous levels of stress that can manifest as serious health problems. Living harmoniously means establishing boundaries, prioritizing self-care, and recognizing when something needs adjustment. It requires regular maintenance as life circumstances change, but the rewards are immeasurable – reduced stress, better health, and a more fulfilling existence.
This revelation has become my guidepost for living unapologetically. By choosing harmony over balance, I've created a life that honors my commitments while protecting my well-being. What area of your life needs more harmony right now?
You are listening to Faith Unmuted. The place where Christian women get the opportunity to press the button and say what they want, how they want and exactly how they feel. The one place where, together, we can collectively walk through our truths, live unapologetically and stop hiding.
Speaker 2:There was a time in my life that I was so out of balance. I, of course, was a mother, a wife, my husband and I are in ministry, I was a CEO, and I felt as if my life was just going in so many different directions. I decided during this time that to go back to school to get another degree, decided during this time that to go back to school to get another degree and, you know, thought I was doing the right thing, and I guess it was. You know, I completed it, but things were just so busy and just so out of whack. I remember that I felt like my whole life was falling apart all around me. Have you ever, you know, been in a place where you're doing so much? You're, as my dad would call it, you're the chief cook and bottle washer and you're doing everything and after a while you just become so exhausted, because you're the last person that you look at, because you're taking care of everything else, that you just begin to fall apart. I just got so stressed out. I was spending like 13, 14, 15 hours at work and then, of course, supporting my husband in ministry. Then we've got the children, you know, and we've got sports activities, you know glee club let's say they weren't a part of the glee club, but you know all the clubs after school and and just being there for them, because at this point they're all teenagers and y'all. You know you have to be very present for your teenagers and at the time my husband was still in the military. You know you have to be very present for your teenagers and at the time my husband was still in the military, you know. And so there was just so much, and I'm trying to show up for everyone and so everything was out of balance for me, just every. It just got out of balance.
Speaker 2:And I remember one night laying on the couch and I just began to look at my life and I began to think what am I doing? Things just weren't going the way I expected it to go After I'd worked so hard and you know, doing everything, I've given everything to everyone, and yet it seems like it was just falling apart. I was trying to control too much all at one time. My, what I thought at the time was what I needed to do to keep everything in balance, right, balance. I want to say that when you're keeping, when you're trying to create balance in your life, then something then has to be out of balance, right. And so while I'm trying to create all of this balance in my life, doing a hundred, you know, ceo, mother, woman in ministry, wife, you know, doing all of these different things I've got, you know, I'm a. I'm a professor, right, and then, as an adjunct professor, I'm teaching, I'm in school, doing all these things. The kids have everything, and I'm trying to keep everything in balance. But when you're trying to do everything and keep everything in balance, something has to be out of balance. Out of balance.
Speaker 2:The thing that was out of balance for me was me. While I was doing everything else, I was neglecting myself, I was neglecting my health. I gained so much weight keeping everything in balance. If you saw pictures of me, then you would say, oh, my gosh, yeah, you might not even recognize me. Sometimes I look at those pictures and I won't even recognize me. Okay, so it was.
Speaker 2:It was so bad that one night I'm laying on my couch again and I'm looking. I'm saying, gosh, what is it that really needs to change in my life? And, quite honestly, what could I change? I can't stop being a mother, Can't stop being a wife, I can't stop being in ministry. You know I can't stop and quit my job and not be a CEO anymore. Right, I can't. You know, how could I stop being chief cook and bottle washer? How could I stop being that?
Speaker 2:And I just didn't know how I ended up falling asleep on the couch, you know, and I wake up the next morning and Jonathan comes to to wake, to wake me up because I just needed to be by myself. You know, have you ever had those days to where you know what? I just need to be by myself. I just, I just need to think, I just need to process, and I don't want to be bothered, you know, and so I did. I just laid on that couch the whole night, just honestly, I think, just feeling sorry for myself. You know, I'm doing all these things and no one is helping me and no one is showing up for me, and you know all these kind of. You know I'm doing this. I'm at work, you know, not just eight hour days, I'm at work 10, 11, 12 hour days, and then I still have to run home and prepare dinner and do all of these different things, and I was just having a pity party.
Speaker 2:And the next morning I woke up and I went to get up. Jonathan came to get me and I went to get up off of the couch and I couldn't move. I couldn't move, I was paralyzed. I started screaming, saying Jonathan, I can't move, what's going on? I can't move, I can't move.
Speaker 2:We called the doctor, he did. We called the doctor, he did, and the doctor basically said that it's stress that sometimes your body becomes so stressed from everything that you could literally be paralyzed from the stress. I had so much stress on me that it paralyzed me. That right, there was, you know, you say, a rude awakening. That was just an awakening for me To say Esther, you got to get this together. You cannot any longer operate the way you've been operating. You've got to change some things, because while you're trying to balance everything, something is out of balance. Everything, something is out of balance. So what is out of balance?
Speaker 2:Again, what was out of balance for me was I wasn't showing up. For me, what is out of balance was that I was spending so much time at work that my family life was out of balance. I had to begin to recognize those things out of balance. I was spending so much time doing other people's things, doing other things, that everything else was out of balance. And even though I was going, making sure my kids ate, making sure I was showing up to their games or whatever, and sometimes I didn't get to show up, my husband would be there. And I never forget one time I said to my daughter I said I won't be there, but I'll be praying, and the prayers work way better than me showing up, you know. And of course, in her mind she just looked at me and said oh, okay, mom, whatever you say, yeah, have you ever had that? Because if you're spending all this, I have a good friend. She spends so much time at work, work, work, work, work that there's parts of her life that's just out of balance and she's not even recognizing it.
Speaker 2:Because sometimes we're so involved with what we're doing is that we don't recognize where our life is out of balance and it creates stress on our body that can hinder us, harm us, hurt us down the road. And that's exactly what it did for me paralyzed. It wasn't until, you know, the doctor said what to do, that it wasn't until that evening that I was actually able to get up and walk, get up and move. I had to begin to think about what's balance really? Because if you're in balance, you know if you see a scale and you're weighing your food or you're weighing the fruit right and you're in balance. You know if you see a scale and you're weighing your food or you're weighing the fruit right and you're weighing it to see how much it is, and then one is up and one is down, that's out of balance. Right? Balance is just like this.
Speaker 2:Is there ever a time in your life where you felt as if everything was in balance like that? For me, no, because if one thing I'm balancing, one that means for me something is out of balance, that I'm paying more attention to this and I'm not paying enough attention to that. And, by the way, right now I feel like whoa, what's going on? I need to bring some things back in. So here it is. I don't believe in balancing anymore. What I do believe is harmony. What I do believe is harmony, harmony. So then, what's harmony? For me, harmony is like an orchestra, you know, have you ever gone to an orchestra? Or go, you know, listen to the symphony and everything is in harmony. The music, everybody's playing their role to bring it all together for it to sound like a beautiful melody, yeah that's harmony.
Speaker 2:And whenever something is out of harmony, like when you're playing, then you're like you stop and the conductor say, oh no, wait a minute, you're too high, you're too low or whatever, to bring it back into harmony. And sometimes you have to practice some things to bring it back into harmony to where now it's moving. Well, let me give you another example. It's like a swing set. So when we bought a swing set for our kids, right, jonathan is putting the swing set together and the swing set comes with all kinds of nuts and bolts and all of these different things. And when the swing set is properly put together, using all the nuts and the bolts in the right places, right In the right place, using every single piece, when you push the swing it should just nicely swing up, up and down, right. But if you don't put all of it together in the right places, using the right nuts and bolts and all of that, it won't swing smoothly. So as he was putting the swing set together, as he was putting it together, at one point it looked really good, because have you ever had it to where, like you look good, you're showing up, you're, you know, you're looking beautiful, especially us as women. You know we're going to put on our makeup, or you know, comb our hair, get our nails done, you know mani pedi. We're going to do all of these great things because we are going to look good on the outside, we're going to show up looking pretty, but yet on the inside we're messed up, we're tired, we're hurt, we're carrying a lot, we're under stress. But we look good on the outside but inside is messed up. So that's like the swing. When we put the swing together, he did and it looked so good, like, oh great, the kids are going to love this swing because it looks great. And then he looked he said, well, I've got a couple of bolts left right. And then he went to push the swing and it went. It just didn't flow. There was no harmony. You know there's two swings right there. And then we had the little bucket piece where you sit. Okay, one is in flow, it's just not flowing. Let's go back to the drawing board now and let's see what's missing. And let's see what's missing.
Speaker 2:And he grabbed the paper and he began to look at every piece of it. Okay, I did this. I did this piece. This came together here, that came together there. No-transcript, I didn't use something that I should have used. But I didn't use it because maybe it didn't look like if it was right or it didn't make sense, or maybe they just gave me some extra ones.
Speaker 2:He went back over everything and he put the bolts in the right places and sometimes I think at one point he disassembled at least not all of it, but some of it and then reassembled it back together. And when he reassembled it back together using the pieces now hear what I'm saying to you he began to look to see where was it. How did he move out of harmony? You know, it's just like in that orchestra, like that person that may not be blowing on the right key, like okay, let's stop, let's discover, let's see who it is and let's see what's going on with your instrument, what's happening here to where you're out of key, and then let's fix it. So now you could be back in harmony with everyone else. And that was the same with the swing right Disassembled. Let's figure out what's wrong here and now let's reassemble it using every piece, putting them in the right place, and let's test it out to make sure it flows in harmony. It swings like smoothly, smoothly. And that's what we did.
Speaker 2:What I had to do with that in my life was really sit and say I don't want my life to be in balance anymore or I don't want, I'm not working to balance everything. You know, you know you hear people say, oh, I'm trying to balance this, I'm trying to balance life, I'm trying to balance school and work. I'm trying to balance school or and going to the gym and and working out and take care of myself. If you're trying to balance and it's still not working out the way you would like it, it's probably because something is still out of balance and you really need to look at how can I bring everything that I'm doing in harmony. See, when I made that decision like, okay, I need to be in harmony I didn't stop being a CEO. I was still a CEO. I didn't stop being a mother. Of course, I'm still a mother, I'm still the wife, I'm still in ministry, I'm still all of these things today.
Speaker 2:But what I had to learn was how to bring it into harmony, something that's just coming together. And, trust me, when I begin to get out of harmony right, I begin to get really stressed out and, honestly, I begin to not show up the way I need to show up because I say, whoa, I need to now bring everything back together so it can flow for me. Every once in a while I have to do that. Every once in a while, things get out of harmony for me because I'm trying to do 150 zillion things at one time and we're just not made for that, y'all. We are not made for that, my body is not made for that. And so becoming in harmony means that I have to do some self-care first. I have to look at Esther and I have to say what is it that you want in your life? So you could first show up for yourself and then you can show up for everyone else. Harmony, harmony.
Speaker 2:I began to do inventory on my life and I began to say, okay, as a CEO, this is the time I'm going to allot to this. And I began to say, okay, as a CEO, this is a time I'm going to allot to this, because I want to make way to make sure that I'm very present with my family and show up 100% for them as I show up for myself In ministry. Okay, where is it that I need to bring that into play? To where now everything begins to work together? So in my harmony I had to bring. I brought everything in, but I made sure that every part played a role, had their key, and if everything has their key, then it all comes together. And when, that's when I could say yes, I am now living in harmony, I am living in alignment, my body is no longer as stressed as it was, to where it's paralyzed me and, by the way, when I just began to do some things in harmony. I'm not saying that I'm never out of harmony, no, this is life and sometimes I am. But I quickly recognize it and I began to take the steps that's necessary to put it back into harmony, to bring that beautiful orchestra together. When I sit and I listen, I hear the beautiful melody of my life coming together. Hope this is making sense.
Speaker 2:Harmony is important, especially for us as women. It's not that it's not important for the men as well, but especially for women. It's important because we do so much, we have so much expectations and many times it's harder on us than it is on men. Honestly, you know, we're the daughter, we're the caretaker, we're the mother, we're the CEO or the entrepreneur. We're doing all of these different things and we're running around, sometimes like a chicken with our head cut off, and we're putting a lot of stress in our body, which then affects our health. If it doesn't affect your health today, trust me, it'll affect it in the future. All of that stress, the stress is what brings diseases into our bodies. The stress is what makes us ill. The stress cuts the longevity of our life, and that's why it's important for us to bring all of this together in harmony.
Speaker 2:In harmony means I'm going to harmonize, I'm going to be in harmony with my belief system, I'm going to be in harmony with God, I'm going to be in alignment so he can instruct me and teach me in the way that I should go, and then he could guide me and I could bring some things into harmony so I could live a life that's not just pleasing to God, but a life that I enjoy and a life that I love, and I don't care what. You know, you may not understand it. No, I'm not going to do that. No, I'm not going to do this. Why? Because I'm bringing my life in harmony. I'm living a harmonious life. It's harmony, it's living that life that you could look and say I've got all these things going on, but now I've got some things in place to where I could handle it better. I don't feel can I tell you that's what right now. That's what I'm doing.
Speaker 2:So many things are going on in the world today. I had to make some decisions. This is taking me out of harmony. I can't do that, or I still want to do this, but this is what I need to bring in so it can function. Live your life in harmony, not in balance. If you're living your life and you're trying to balance everything, stop trying to balance it because you're out of balance. So identify where you're out of balance and then look and see how can I bring my life in harmony to where now everything is functioning. Give everything a role and a key, let's say, as to when they're to play and when they're to operate in your life so you could live in harmony. That's the key to longevity, to success, to healing, to everything that you want in your life to come to pass is in harmony.
Speaker 1:Wasn't that episode amazing Living unapologetically. Faith unmuted has allowed us once again to ask ourselves the kind of questions that will help us get to the next level and live this life unapologetically. Your next step head on over to wwwestroggramcom and let me know what your favorite episode is, ask a question or share this with a friend. I can't wait to be with you next week as we dive deeper into redefining what it means to be a christian woman and redefining what it means to live in our truth.