Brooch Ties for Women With Life's lessons - Sherry | Ep. 59

When I say this episode is long for a reason, I mean it.

Despite being nervous from the very first phone call, Sherry accepted the invitation to join us on Creative Roots Podcast - and what unfolded was a conversation neither of us expected.

Sherry, owner of Sherry Denise Designs, is known for creating custom brooch ties for women and connecting with customers through pop-up shops and community events. But this conversation quickly became about much more than business.

We begin with a powerful reminder: stop belittling yourself and your creativity.

From there, the discussion takes us into deeper territory: mentally, physically, and emotionally. We talk about the stories that shaped us, the residue left behind from hurt, the lessons learned through life's challenges, and the importance of recognizing our own value. What starts as a conversation about creativity and entrepreneurship evolves into an honest exchange about healing, self-awareness, and growth.

Some episodes entertain. Some educate.

This one teaches.

By the end of this conversation, both of us walked away with something money couldn't buy.

Tap in and take this journey with us.

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Tae-@taewiththeedits
Shamar-@alanluxstudios

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

I allow myself to be overwhelmed because again, I want to do my best.

SPEAKER_00 0:05

If my mom calls and says open the front door, mama, you know the code. I'm not getting up and touching that front door. That is one of my rules for today.

SPEAKER_01 0:12

And it's funny that you say that because one of my girlfriends did say she was like, Sherry.

SPEAKER_00 0:17

The fact that I gave you a general synopsis of everything, you think you know it?

SPEAKER_02 0:23

Truth in the air, let it speak.

SPEAKER_00 0:31

How you feeling today besides nerves? Nervous. I told you this gets easy as we talk. Um, there's nothing wrong here. No need to really be nervous. It's just little old me. Little old you. That little old boy that used to run around the church.

SPEAKER_01 0:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 0:52

Yeah. Take one more deep breath.

SPEAKER_01 0:56

Did you feel it? I ain't intimidated by no little boy running around the church. That's right. That's tough.

SPEAKER_00 1:03

Not that little boy. Not the one Jackie had to pop all the time. Not that one. You see what I'm saying? So listen, listen, listen. I'm so glad that you are here.

SPEAKER_01 1:15

Well, thank you so much for inviting me. First of all, thank your mother for even considering me to think that I'm I hate to use the word worthy because yes, I am worthy. We're all worthy, but worthy enough to, you know, to be here and to um be a part of your thing that you have going on. Like this is this is huge. You said this is who? This is huge for me. I'm thinking my thoughts, yeah, it's huge.

SPEAKER_00 1:40

I'm honored. I have to stop telling myself, I have to tell myself to stop belittling what I do. And I've told people that the reason I, in a sense, do that is because I'm on the inside. So I don't really see how big certain things are. But the constant reminder of you're doing it. I'm proud of you. This is bigger than what you think. You know, thank you, thank you, thank you. And I'm just like, I mean, you're welcome. I just want to have a conversation. You know, but people are always saying it's bigger than what you think.

SPEAKER_01 2:16

This is a big deal. It's a huge thing because everybody can't do this. I mean, the way that, you know, I came in, or even before I even came in, I told you on the phone, I'm nervous. I don't know. It's not, uh, you know, all these doubting things. And the way that you sued me just on the phone, you know, through conversation, you know, to get me to say, okay, I can do it.

SPEAKER_00 2:39

Yes, take that one extra deep breath.

SPEAKER_01 2:42

So um, I'm sorry, but yeah, so everybody can't do this. You know, you I believe you have to have a gift. First of all, to communicate with people, period.

SPEAKER_00 2:55

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 2:56

Yes, period, you know, and then on on this level, what you do with this whole podcast thing, uh look at it like a um talk show type thing. You're a talk show host.

SPEAKER_00 3:07

We on TV, so embrace it. Yeah, I I I do. And I guess the thing for me is because I'm not so hyped up on the gratification of words, you know, the acknowledgement, just people saying, you know, thank you for this space, and you're doing things, and I'm just like, I'm just doing what I love. You know, I'm not pushing certain aspects of what I do, I just do it. And I've never been big on uh what's the word, acknowledgement.

SPEAKER_06 3:46

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 3:46

And I guess that's just I don't know, that might just be from growing up and just not looking for it.

SPEAKER_01 3:55

I guess so you have a problem with as people tell me, I have a problem with um receiving compliments.

SPEAKER_00 4:01

Yes, that the thing is that something like that. Yeah. You know, it's like, oh, you got your hair retwisted, and I'm like, Yeah. Okay, it looked nice. Thank you. Because I don't know if you're trying to be funny now.

SPEAKER_01 4:18

But I get it. Because to you, I I'm like that too. And it's like peop someone may say, Oh, you know, I don't know, your outfit is cute. Oh, you know, thank you. Try to be humbling at the same time, but it's I don't want to come off as like nonchalant, but it's like I really appreciate it, but uh, I mean, I don't uh oh well, why are you saying like that? Or somebody may give a compliment. I'm like, well, this this old, you know, and people hear people say the this old thing, just to receive the compliment. It's like, why do we do that? And and I do that too. I tried to downplay.

SPEAKER_00 4:51

I would give my wife a compliment on something that she wore last week, and she'll be like, boy, shut up. I will give my wife a compliment in her work clothes just because I love my wife, and I love my wife so much. Chandra, I love you. But yes, you know, and we just sit and say, Really? So you do see me. People see us. Things stand out. We stand out more than what we think we do, even when we don't think we are.

SPEAKER_01 5:26

Or without trying.

SPEAKER_00 5:28

That's the other thing. We don't again, when it's something that you have a passion for, something you love doing, something you like to do, creating, doing, being, gardening, you know, even people that mow the lawn, they're just you like doing it, so you don't look for people to say, hey, good job, keep going. You know, this is nice. I like what I see, I like what you're doing. I don't expect it. And I guess that's the other thing for me too, because I don't expect it because then I'm not building what I'm doing based on the acknowledgement, the the compliments, the you know, the keep goins. I'm not, I don't because if that was the case, it a lot of things would never get done. You know, I've had people say, man, I watch, I don't comment. I'm not a commenter, but I've seen every episode. I think that sticks out to me more than just somebody coming to me and contacting me every week. Man, I just watched the episode, man. Now I'm not saying that I don't appreciate that. You know, watch the episode, man. If you get them back on the show, do this, do that. You know, ask them this, ask them that. Okay, you know what you're right. I'll I'll do that. But what I was wanting to tell you on the phone was we gotta stop, and I think I said it, we gotta stop belittling ourselves because what you do with these ties, you at pop-up shop, pop-up shops, ma'am. You out here doing it, and there are a lot of people that are not doing anything except holding on to an idea that was once me, that was once you, that was once any creative, but you're doing it. You didn't ask for permission because you didn't have to.

SPEAKER_05 7:27

This is true.

SPEAKER_00 7:29

So, yes, you deserve to be here.

SPEAKER_05 7:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:34

So listen, y'all. Welcome back to another episode of Creative Roots Podcast where seeing someone become visions grown. I am your host, Tay. And this lady sitting across from me, as far as I'm concerned, she probably popped me once or twice at church. I don't know. I might have snatched you up. She might have snatched me up. Um, before I proceed, I want to give a shout out to Alan Look Studios, Charlotte Podcast Studio, and Artbox Charlotte. I would like to thank us. And shout out to Mono too, because these mics, we you see we still rocking with these mics. So shout out to Mono as well. But listen, y'all, this lady sitting across from me, y'all have seen what she's done because it's in every camera. And I made sure that was uh that was done intentionally. This lady creates these brooch ties. Broach ties. Because I always say it wrong. I've been thinking about the bread, um, because your boy always hungry. But she makes broach ties for women. And when I when my mom called me and was like, you need to get Sherry, you need to get Sherry. I'm like, mama, send me what Sherry does, because I need to see. Right. And when I saw it, I was like, yes, ask her, tell her, and I'm gonna get her on this camera. My mama said, okay. And long story short, here we are. So, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls of all ages, I want to introduce y'all to Sherry. I will let Sherry introduce herself and explain what she does, because who better? Because I can't.

SPEAKER_01 9:15

Oh first of all, hey everybody. Hey y'all, hey. So I am Sherry Newman of Sherry Denise Designs, LLC. Thank God for that. And I create custom, what I call custom brooch ties. So what I do is take, and it's nothing new, it's just my spin on something that has been out there. Um, I saw this thing and I said, hey, I like it. Um I was a customer of someone else first. And I look back one day and I said, hmm, I can do this. I think I can do this because I like this. So I take um men ties, and um, as one of my customers said, and make them beautiful. You know, his words. It was a male that came by one of the tables at a pop-up um event that I um was in. And it was actually my first pop-up, and I didn't know what to expect, nervous as I'll get out like I am a little bit now. Um, but um, and it's only because I just want to do well in anything now that I do, and I just I want to make people happy. Um, I like making, I like seeing people happy. Um, let me um fix it that way. But um, but in any case, with the ties. Um, so the customer made a comment and said, You took a old tie and made it beautiful? That's amazing. And I just that just really warned my heart. It really put a big smile on my face. So, yeah, so I've been using it um since um since he made that statement. So, yeah, so this is what I do. I find brooches, um, ties, and when I say God touches my hands, we just go in um to my little workspace and we create. I never know what I'm gonna create, what brooch I'm gonna put on what tie, how the tie is gonna come out, what color we're gonna use. I just literally pray, go in, and we just come out with whatever God says.

SPEAKER_00 11:13

Because you have a standard of excellence. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 11:18

That's big. Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 11:20

Yes. I mean, you said it. I just I just put it in my own words, but yeah, you have a standard of excellence because you you don't want to just put out anything. You have a standard of excellence with what you do, and I think that that man helped sell that deal. And then you're going to God before you do anything. If he's the creator of all creators, and he's taking your fingers and being the puppet master, I mean, come on now.

SPEAKER_01 11:52

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:52

You have a standard of excellence. And it's good to have one because some people don't have that. There are people that create anything just for the sake of money, and that is usually the downfall. Because they're not doing it for the love, they're not doing it for the artistry, they're not doing it to be satisfied with themselves. You know, I can draw, I can take pictures, I can do video, but why not charge for something that I love and at the same time, everybody's not my client. You know, you don't have to do this for everybody. You do it for yourself.

SPEAKER_03 12:33

Right.

SPEAKER_00 12:33

And something that we said on a previous episode a while ago is allow them to spend what they want to spend. Allow people to open up their wallets. You know, so if you don't want to book me to do your video, that's fine. You know, you don't have to choose me. If they don't want to pay for a tit, that's fine. But the ones that do, you allow them to do so.

SPEAKER_01 12:58

Right.

SPEAKER_00 12:58

And oh, go ahead.

SPEAKER_01 13:00

Yeah. Um and and that's what I see and what I'm what I'm learning. First of all, I had to learn that if you don't really love or like what it is, what love, what it is that you do, regardless of what it is, it's gonna show with with your product. You know, and I say it to say I didn't know that I was gonna be doing this. And just to share a little story um or of how it got started to kind of got started, is my dad before he passed, my dad had all kinds of suits and clothes and neckties. Like my dad had so many clothes. I thought I had a lot of clothes. My dad dad has so many clothes. And in the case, he passed. I gave all of his things away. I tried to give them away to places, men um um um consignment shops. Thank you. Men consignment shops, consignment shops, and places, um, organizations, nonprofits that could use them and that was gonna really use them, you know, for the in the community to help other men. Um so that was very important to me. Anyways, long sort of got rid of everything. That was 2023, and here is 20, what, this 26 or 2025. I see this, and then it's like boom, where my daddy ties.

unknown 14:20

They come.

SPEAKER_01 14:22

I was like, I want my daddy ties back. I could have used those ties, you know, in a sense. But so it kind of started with that. What can I do? I kept like one or two of his ties for myself. And so, I mean, because I've always I love accessories. I like to dress up like probably an older woman, you know, I like to dress up and play, you know, princess or queen at this age. Um, and do all that too. You know, get all dolled up to not to go nowhere some days. I do that. But in any case, so I love accessories um too. So to see this, this to be created and to go back to, you know, darn if I had my daddy ties, you know, I can do more, I can work more with it. But um, so that's kind of how that came up. What can I do with it with the ties? And then what can I do in memory of my dad with these ties? Because, you know, when he did put on clothes, and it was like his church wear. Um, he didn't really go in anywhere, you know, out like that in the streets, but you know, his church wear, he he was dressed. You know, he has tie, you know, has la hat, you know, he was dressed. So um this also, I was inspired to do this, you know, through my dad, like I said, with his ties. And then with a young lady that I saw actually on social media um watching. And um, I'm like, um, I think it was like one of those get dressed videos. And I'm like, what is that? Wait a minute, what's that? That's cute. Rewind, go back. I like that. What is it? You know? So I um went on about my business. I'm in the mall one day, supposed to be walking, getting in my steps. And one of the boutiques there, I saw on the wall that she had this thing that I still didn't know what it was. What are those? And I go, in in the store, and I'm like, that, what is that? I've seen on social media, what are those? Is it a tie? And this is one of my um models that I say to people or Liz Logans um when I do my pop-ups, and they're not sure. And I go, is it a tie or is it a necklace? What is it? And they go, ah, and then, you know, I'll whatever fit I have on, or with my mannequins, you know, I have them dress. Um, I have four mannequins that I may dress differently to show that you can wear it, you can answer your own question by how you pair it with whatever fit you have, you you know, you put on. Some think, um, well, I need a collared shirt, excuse me, because I've seen those out there before. And you have to have a collar shirt because it's a tie. And I go, do you? And then I kind of get another mannequin and spin her around with a different fit with a sequence, maybe turn it, um, a v-neck like what I have on now, maybe a round neck, depending on what I have, or dress. So they go, Oh, I see that. So the same first experience um that I had when I saw them and was like, huh, what is that? I kind of throw that out of my customers too, to get them to kind of look at it, not to say, well, I don't wear ties, so let me just go on. And something that you said, you're gonna spend your money on what you're gonna spend your money on. So one thing about me, and this is probably terrible to say, and I know I need to watch things, but I say this. Probably not, but go ahead. I hate salespeople. I hate pushy salespeople. I promise you, I do. I just I just have a problem with your product, I believe it's gonna sell itself. Yes. When I walk into on a car in uh car dealership or into a store, I'm on the dealership for a reason. I know what I'm coming to do. I've done my homework, most people have, and I used to work at a car dealership, so I can say this. You know, most people know when they go out, they know what they're looking for, they know what they want. Some may need a little help. Some just just give them a minute. Let me find you. And I say that with department stores or any anything, you know, where where you're selling things. So with my product, I don't I don't push it, but I do do try to change the narrative or change the mind of a person to say, don't just look at it as if, you know, well, I can't wear that unless I have a uh button-down shirt or or certain fit. I really like that. Okay, well, well, what's stopping you? Let's talk. And it's also helping me too, you know, to better market because I'm still new at this, um, you know, this product, um, even though, again, the product's gonna speak for itself. So, you know, so what's the hold up? Well, if I show you this, how does that look? Or if I show you pictures of customers that I have, different ages, even from, you know, the children. Oh, I see now. Okay, well, I'll take that. Or even if they will let me think about it, thank you. I've seen them on social media, want to see them in person, or got the opportunity to see them in person, you know, thank you for that. To me, those are the biggest sales. It's not always um, if this makes sense, you know, that I I may not get the um an actual physical sale, um, monetary sale of the other tie, but for for you to give me a few minutes, allow me the few minutes to not to sell you something, but to kind of change your mind on what you think this right here. Educate them. Thank you. To educate people, you know, on where just like you wear any other accessory. You do what you want to do. It's your body, it's your life, it's your style. You know, nobody can tell you I'm just here, kind of like as a vessel, just to show you this is a product I think is pretty cool, think it's nice, I put my heart in it. I wear them, and you can do whatever you want to do with it.

SPEAKER_00 19:36

Well, how else? Did I say too much? No. Okay. I think you explained it very well. Thank you. You gave a backstory.

SPEAKER_01 19:43

Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 19:44

Because so what you did was you gave a marketing strategy. I don't even know if you noticed that. But like you said, I don't like salespeople either. Yeah. You know, if I say, nah, that's not for me, okay. But it sounds like people say, no, that's not for me. I don't think I can wear that, but they don't move. And that's when you say, hmm, got them. Well, instead of me trying to sell it to you, let me show you different ways that this can be used for you to buy for somebody else.

SPEAKER_05 20:14

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 20:15

A lot of people are like, well, no, it is for you because you can do this, and it's like, whoa, whoa, whoa. If I say I'm not interested, and I keep walking, that's different from saying, I'm not interested, but I haven't left. And I say the people that say I'm not interested, but are still there, what are they looking at? They're waiting on something.

SPEAKER_01 20:38

Something.

SPEAKER_00 20:39

They're waiting on a sentence, a phrase, a visual. Because think somebody's gonna be mad, but I don't care. Think about when you go to this table with the timeshare, you see the places that you can go. You know you don't want that timeshare. Right. But you see the places you can go. You see the the the videos that they have, you see everything. So you're still looking. Even if you don't want them to talk to you, if you give them the opportunity to say anything, they're going to market. And at that point, they're not trying to sell you anything, they're just gonna educate you.

SPEAKER_03 21:19

Right.

SPEAKER_00 21:20

And that's what you do. You're not pushing.

SPEAKER_03 21:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:24

Hey, check this out. Oh, it's not okay, cool. What about your mom? What about your grandma? Okay, cool.

SPEAKER_01 21:30

Because you stop, something cut something caught your attention. Even if you, I mean, just like me, you know, I may see something, oh, I saw that on TV or on, you know, social media or something, stop and look. It caught my interest because I've already seen it. And it caught my interest on social media or whatever when I saw it. So I'm out, it's live right here in front of me. And for me, I'm already like fifty fifty. I saw that, I'm interested in that. Now it's right here before me. I want it. You know I mean. Does that make sense? You know, I want it. So that's that's what I do with the ties or anything. And I think I was going somewhere before talking about the ties and loving um what it is that you do. I'm a busy person. I'm a busybody. And I know I share with you that I'm very hard on myself. My son noticed it at as a teenager. Stop being so hard on yourself. You're gonna be okay. You don't tell me nothing. But um he's right. He was right. And again, he was he was a teenager, you know, then. But it's like my expectations, I don't know where they come from, but I just have high expectations of myself. Um and and not in a a vain way. Oh I'm never like that. Just I just want to, I just have expect high expectations of myself. So at first I thought, um, so I've got my hands and stuff. I'm thinking I'm gonna cook. So let me try to get in here. I see a dish, not whole meals. Let me try this dish. Try to cook up something, honey. It might be good, it might be a mess. Um, but if it's a hit, my whole family got to they got to go through it. You know, taste this, taste this, got everybody sampling. Tell the truth, you're on camera, you know, whatever. So I'm like, mm-hmm. I I but when I'm like, mm-hmm, I enjoy it, but do I really love it? And is this something um that really makes me happy, that'll make someone happy that can be a customer, something that I can, I guess, brand? And the answer was no. Mm-mm. You are eight for at the house, but not to take it out in the streets. Um, and then I love gardening. So I'm out in the garden. Um, again, something that I do pretty much um since my dad's passed or whatever, just kind of something to, I guess they say legacy, something to remember him by, because he he was, you know, out in the garden, he did all this stuff. So I'm like, I want to do that for me, you know, for him, but mostly for me and my mental health. So I'm out here and I'm like, I can grow some stuff, but maybe, yeah, this would be my thing. I can grow and then do what? That ain't your thing either. And so with this right here, um, just to name a few things that I did, but this right here, when I started doing this, like I said, when I when I saw it and started practicing, um I don't know, it was six o'clock. I looked up and it was 10 at night. And I'm like, wait a minute.

SPEAKER_00 24:23

There was a sense of peace.

SPEAKER_01 24:25

And just and exactly. For my mental state, I don't know, just for everything, it was okay, peace. Just one word, just at peace. In a room in my house that I barely spent time in, and I'm in here and I'm like, I like this. You know what? I love this. And so um also then understood um the slang term that they call, you know, side hustle, that you can make, you know, side hustle, you know, a little part-time look something, something. And then um I have to, you know, throw this out here too. Um a friend girl of mine, I had mentioned to her um by way of conversation. I was like, you know, yeah, I've been trying my hands at, you know, those um ties. Then I didn't really know what to call them because they're various names depending on who's making what. But for me and mine, I call them, you know, custom brooch spelled B-R-O-C B-R-O-O-C-H, which is the French spelling. Because I've had that child of mine to say, Did you misspell that word? No, I did not. I asked Goo. And I asked for a definition. So we're good. So in the case, um, a friend of mine, and she was like, Go ahead and put it out there. And I'm like, I don't know. Kind of like come to the podcast. Uh-huh, I don't know, I don't know. Because you know how many people, you know how many this, this, that, you know that. But at the end of the day, I had to realize too, I'm not doing any of this. Try to fix what I'm saying. Um, for others. It's something that I'm doing for myself. And it makes me happy. You know, creating something that when I do my pop-ups, or even before the pop-ups, I mean, I had so X amount of ties even before I did my first pop-up, just by throwing it on social media and people saying, no, Sherry, I want to support you, which blew my mind. I'm like, for real? Who, me? Yes, you. Y'all wanna like and this is serious. Like, y'all wanna, y'all wanna buy this?

SPEAKER_00 26:25

I was just over here doing stuff. Oh.

SPEAKER_01 26:29

Okay. And then that even put even more pressure on me because I'm like, oh my God, it has to be perfect now. For real, for real, for real. Because I know these people, like, again, that pressure that I put on myself and just high expectations. Um, yeah, I do too much sometimes. But in any case, but I say I do it for me because it gives me peace. It makes me happy, it makes me feel good, it relaxes my mind, my mental state. Um, but what I didn't expect is to see the reactions and the I guess the reactions on my, as I call my customers, my my customers' faces when they actually see that the tie and I have the mirror, and I'm like, well, try it on, especially those that are kind of uh, you're welcome to try it on, try it on. I got a mirror for you, girl. Go ahead. And just to see their faces glow. And I'm looking like my product did that. Nothing that God touched my hands to do did that to somebody, and that that that means the world.

SPEAKER_00 27:32

And that's what brings the joy.

SPEAKER_01 27:34

That brings the joy, like, like seriously. So when I have when I do my pop-ups and people say, you know, how did you do? My answer, my response is always gonna be, I was successful. You know, whether I sold one or 100 or 100, I was successful because I got to meet people, you know, face to face. They're looking at my product. And I step back because again, I don't like push people. I'll step back. Have any questions? You know, let me know. Let them look, let them touch. You're welcome to try on, I'm out the way. Um, and just to see their face and I try to listen, you know, and then sometimes I may ask questions, you know, what made you, you know, stop and look at that. Um, but just to see, yeah, the responses from the customers is like everything. And I I wasn't prepared for that. I I didn't know that, but that's important to me. I wonder if I can leave that. If something that I created, and again, it's out there, it's not nothing, and I'm not the um originator, you know, just like we got 50 lamb chicken companies on the corner and 50 lamb steakhouses, you know, nothing's new under the sun, you know, but um this creation that you know that I do, for it to stand out and for someone to to want that, that's that's a trip to me.

SPEAKER_00 28:50

And you're not just on social media, you're placing yourself in front of people on a regular basis. So you are getting first person responses, feedback, because anybody can look and see it online and just scroll. They might like it, they might even save it, yeah, they might share it, but to be able to say, Oh, I like this, I like the way this feels. Oh, okay, oh, mm-hmm. I know she put some money into this one, I like that one, I want that one, you know, and then you're asking these questions, that's your survey. So you you get hands-on in-person experiences and responses, and the fact that you are going to a pop-up shop, people are going. And a lot of times when you go in a sense like a flea market, you know who the regulars are, but you don't know who else is gonna show up right and what they have. And then if it's something they have not seen before, only seen online, even if they saw it online from somebody all the way in Chicago, you local. And because I can see it in person, it instantly looks better.

SPEAKER_05 30:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 30:15

That person didn't have a price. You got a price. Let me get two of them. Let me get three. You know, let me get whatever, however many, and you see that in person. Not then there's that connection.

SPEAKER_01 30:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 30:29

There's that in-person connection, there's that sense of networking. There's a seed that is planted that is not just on social media. So kudos to you.

SPEAKER_01 30:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 30:40

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 30:40

And it's funny that you say that because one of my girlfriends did say, she was like, Sherry, your ties look good online. And and I'm not, I know my pictures could be um a little better because honey, I'm using my little Android and doing the best I can.

SPEAKER_00 30:53

But to me, that's not don't downplay these Android cameras. Don't do that. We good over here.

SPEAKER_01 30:58

Don't do that. But but no, I'm just saying, I know there's some high-tech stuff out there. And but with me just doing the best that I can, you know, with lighting, I'm like, oh, the lights in the house ain't right. Never paid the lights no attention till I go to take a picture, you know, try to take a picture of my ties to post. And I'm like, what kind of light, what kind of bub is that up there? You know, let me go get this lamp and bring it over here. But um, and anyway, so I do the best I can, but she she made a comment and she said, Um, the photos do your ties no justice. And I'm like, huh? And I'm like, am I humble? And um, I was like, well, and not understanding, and uh at first, and I'm like, she said, because once you see them in person, I understood it. She said to see them in person, Sherry, she was like, Your ties look good. And I'm like, really? Again, just to think, I don't know where I am. I'm just, I don't know, sometimes out of, I don't know. But one day I took a step back and looked, and I was like, at a pop-up, and I'm walking around looking and touching, I'm like, wait a minute, girl.

SPEAKER_02 31:55

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 31:56

And then I'm at I did that. I did that. You did that. Like, I but I ain't gonna go off on that. Y'all think I'm crazy, but I do get the trip, and I'm like, that is kind of well, how'd I do that? But yeah, so I I've heard that.

SPEAKER_00 32:10

Um you step back and you think and analyze what you have, what you've done with the not the mindset of the creator, but hmm, I wonder what other people see. You know, and I do that a lot too because I'll do a video and I don't think anything about it. And I'll get a message that's like, this is the best video anybody has ever done for me. Wow, these are the best pictures I've ever received. And I'm like pictures they talking about. What video? And I have to go back and watch, and I'm like, oh shoot, I did that, yeah. I don't remember putting it in that video. And I see it and I hear what they're talking about. Like, there's a client that we just did um a book signing for, and I already knew her video was gonna be top tier, but I ended up creating a custom song, not just for the event, but also for her book. And I knew at that point, I said, yeah, I did that. But then I started getting messages, and then when I saw the lady, she was like one of the biggest longest hugs I've ever received. And I was just like, I hope she don't cry, because she got on a little bit of makeup. I don't want her to mess up her makeup. Listen, I mean her to, hey, you need to go get some tissue stuff. But she was just like, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. And I was like, you're welcome. But to step back and say, huh. Like I sit and watch some of these episodes sometimes, and I'm like, I am kind of smart.

SPEAKER_05 33:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 33:52

And I do be dropping some big words sometimes. Y'all know how this go. Y'all know Table drop a big word and have to re uh rethink it. Did I use that right? But it's there and it fits and it makes sense. You know, so sometimes, yes, you have to, you are dropping gems and you don't even know it.

unknown 34:08

Oh.

SPEAKER_00 34:09

She says, oh. Yes, you you you gave out a marketing strategy. You gave out a self-examination. You're letting people know, first of all, you gotta love what you do.

SPEAKER_01 34:25

Yeah, I love what you do.

SPEAKER_00 34:26

In the midst of you loving what you do, you will get lost and wrapped up in it because there's peace in what you love to do. You know how to talk to people and not be pushy. Then you know how to step back and say, let me see what other people see. See, you said all that. She said all that.

SPEAKER_05 34:45

I did.

SPEAKER_00 34:46

If y'all agree, leave down in the comments. She said that. She said, I don't care if it's T-H-A-T or D-A-T. Spell it however you want to. She said that. But yes, yes. See, I told you you need to be here. You did. So you answered the first question. I didn't even get a chance to ask it.

SPEAKER_01 35:08

I didn't ask the question, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 35:09

I ain't asked no question. Wait a minute, okay now. So the first question was, what got you started? But you you answered, you know, this comes from your dad having ties and you're doing this to honor him.

SPEAKER_01 35:22

Honor him. Um, and then seeing the um seeing it on social media and trying to figure out what that is. Um yeah. And just always having a I've always I don't think, well, I'm gonna stick to me. I think I'm a dreamer. Um and my mind can go like yeah, far. Squirrel. Um what you call it?

SPEAKER_00 35:47

Squirrel.

SPEAKER_01 35:48

Squirrel.

unknown 35:49

What?

SPEAKER_00 35:49

Squirrel's when you go left. You have a thought. Oh, okay. And you go left and then you just go down the rabbit hole. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 35:56

Yes. So um I've always wanted to have something on my own. Like I said, my hands, I I I try stuff, try to cook it in the garden. Like I do things that again bring me peace, you know, just sitting, just doing things. But um I always wanted to have something on my own. So to see this, um, it just brings me joy when I saw it and it was like, yeah, let me try my hands, keeping it to myself, not sure. You know, then someone kind of, you know. I was gonna put it out there anyway, but just because you never know what people want or what people like or what people have to say or um what people are willing to spend their money on. Um so that was kind of a a thing that had me kind of hesitating about it, hesitant about it. Like, and and at the same time, now I'm I'm creating, but I don't know what I'm gonna do with them. But I'm I'm creating them. I'm I'm in the room and we're doing stuff, and you know, I may go in before God and get to doing stuff and literally tie just slip out my hand and just go to slip and I'm trying to put tie and not and it's just I'm like, okay, Lloyd, I'm sorry, where you at? You ready? Right. Well, this ain't it today. This ain't it today. Okay, you ain't ready. And this is my relationship talk with God. But um, I'm like, you ready? Okay, well, maybe I ain't ready. Okay, well, we'll try it again later. All right, I'm ready. But um, yeah, so that's yeah, my dad with his ties been inspiration, wanting to um just have a legacy or just honor him in some type of way. Um, yeah, and I ain't gonna get into all that, but but yeah, honor him. And um, yeah, did you just come out with something, you know, fancy, classy, and you have to do your hair like this and your shoulder. You know, do what you think. When you talk about your tie and when you wear your brooch tie, I mean you gotta, you know, like ladies, you know, when we go, which I'm supposed to slip right here. Right now. Oh, I'm warming up, y'all. I told you. When we get our hair done. And um the the our um our stylist shows us the mirror, and we go, wait a minute, put your lip gloss on and your earrings. And then you see that hair and your whole attitude change. That's the effect that I want my custom brooch ties by Sherry Denise Designs um to do for every woman, a young lady, and um got something else coming too later on, still praying on the working on it. But for right now, that's that's what I want. I wanted to bring out that confidence. Um, you know, like when you get your hair done or you had that new fit on and you know you're popping. That's what I want this to do. And I'm hearing that it does because when I get pictures, I want honest reviews. I ask for pictures and videos, I ask for permission first if I can, you know, post and kind of, you know, to build um my my brand or whatever with that, and to have true testimonies from people. Um and unless people are just being, you know, super nice, which again, I'm still totally shocked that, you know, people are reaching out and it's like, you know, wanted to support. I don't know why, because yes, I am worthy, but it's like, I don't know, I'm just a trip in my way, like for real. And to see that and to see how they pair it up in their fits and their confidence, honey. Check out my website. We'll get to that later. I mean, not my website, not yet, but my um social page. But the confidence, um, it's like it it really, all I can say is just you swear joy, it brings me joy. And then I'm looking like I had something to do with that. Me?

unknown 39:24

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 39:25

Wow. This little old tie that you be calling it. That is not a little old tie. That is a big accessory.

SPEAKER_01 39:32

I mean, it is, and I Lord forgive me for saying little like that. I'm not little one myself, but I'm just saying.

SPEAKER_00 39:39

Because it, I mean, there's something else that we have to stop doing. We have to stop belittle in what we do, especially if we say this idea came from God. We don't serve a little God. Right. We serve a big God.

SPEAKER_01 39:52

You're right, preach.

SPEAKER_00 39:53

I'm trying not to. Straighten me. I'm trying not to preach me. Y'all know how these episodes can get. I'm I'm working. Um I'm trying not to, but do what needs to be done. We we have to, again, when you have a standard of excellence, you have a high level of expectancy with anything and everything you do. Our biggest issue is we have to remind ourselves it takes time and space to get to this level. And I know for me, I'm I used to be one of those people that's like everything I do has to be perfect. It has to be perfect. And if I don't have this and I don't have that, it's not perfect.

SPEAKER_05 40:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 40:40

But we also have to remember if we don't have what we think we need to make it perfect, we gotta use what we got. That's what you have. So you say these old ties. Nobody knows these ties are old until you tell them. You know, but that old tie has a new purpose. You know, you you take what you do and you craft around the old. We put ourselves at this level, and it's something that I tell a lot of people to, with our high expectancy of ourselves, before we can learn how to be a CEO, we need to learn how to sweep the floor.

SPEAKER_01 41:23

Oh, yeah. Let's learn how to serve first. You have to serve first. Yes. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 41:27

So you are there, but you also know how to go back to the beginning and re-pool what needs to be pulled. You know, you know how to make sure you don't lose your way. A lot of people that I talk to, you know how they say don't forget where you come from? Some people have forgotten.

SPEAKER_01 41:48

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 41:49

They learn something new and then they start to gatekeep. And I've always said, uh, and I said it just darted it out. It's like when you gatekeep, the only thing you're doing is keeping yourself locked in. Nobody wants to work with you. Nobody wants to work for you. Nobody wants to do anything with you or for you because you're keeping your little bit of knowledge locked away, like I can't go Google it. I want to learn from you and build a relationship to continue doing what we do, you know, collectively. But if I'm asking you a question and oh, I'll do it, oh, don't worry about it, I got it. Oh, just pay me. Oh man, I don't really know. Oh, you know, you want to put things behind a paywall all the time, you you hurt yourself.

SPEAKER_01 42:48

You use that word gatekeeping, I've heard that, and it kind of threw me because I didn't quite understand it. I was like, is that a a the the new generation, you know, word, a phrase, a word? So gatekeep. I'm one that I share my experiences. I properly, and I mentioned this to you over the phone, um, I don't know if you remember, I I I'm sure I overshare, but I share things and especially my life experiences because I want to help somebody through my my experiences. No, we're talking about the word gatekeep. So with the word gatekeep, gatekeeping in business. And you're starting a business and someone wants I guess the formula to your business. Just tell me how you started from. To Z without doing their own research. Is that still gatekeeping?

SPEAKER_00 44:07

If I give you the information or if I don't give you the information.

SPEAKER_01 44:11

If I don't give you the information above the formula how I now throwing you little nuggets, but I guess, ooh, I'm about to say this. Yeah, girl, go. Like from oh, I'm old. You you have to anything that you want. Well, let me speak for me. And how can I say this where it won't come off negative? Um, I come from. I remember my mama telling me, hey mom, this ain't being negative, this just being real and honest. This is what made me part of who I am today. Don't be sitting around waiting on me. You need to figure it out.

SPEAKER_00 45:01

Say it one more time.

SPEAKER_01 45:03

Don't be, and excuse my grandma, but this is how I heard it. Sitting around waiting on me, you need to figure it out. And I learned it very young at a very crucial time that I wasn't trying to hear that lesson. And I get emotional about it when I talk about saying I ain't gonna go there. People that know me know I'm gonna cry baby. Um, but that's because I have a heart. Um but I was like, today ain't the day to be trying to teach me that lesson. I need you. You know, figure it out. I can't figure it out.

SPEAKER_00 45:37

I tell my kids, you will never succeed waiting on me.

SPEAKER_01 45:43

That's good.

SPEAKER_00 45:44

You need to like my kids will ask me something. My first response is Google it. Tell me what you find, and then we can go from there.

SPEAKER_01 45:54

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 45:55

You know, and into your question.

SPEAKER_01 45:58

Regarding business, it's like we have, I don't know if I can say brands, but these brand chicken companies out here. So did chicken company ABC, who's very successful, tell chicken company one, two, three, give them their special recipe. So with that word gatekeeping, I don't, I don't understand like where where the line is. Thank you, where the line is when when it comes to business, before someone, you know, say that, you know, you're gatekeeping. I don't mind helping, but I look at it like this, I guess, from being from the old school, and again, from my mama saying, figure it out. And that's been through my life. I even tell my son up the same way. He ain't depending on nobody but you and God. Sounds harsh when I say that, thank you. No, it's not. Oh, you tell people. I ain't saying there are people. I we need people. Yes. But before and but before I'm going, but this is just me. I'm gonna do all that I can before I come to you and say hey.

SPEAKER_00 47:04

And that makes a big difference.

SPEAKER_01 47:06

So with with the with the whole bit I I guess I'm used to, you know, you do your research, but uh for somebody to um I'm gonna get into that, but yeah, so that definition of gatekeeping in business, like when do you draw the line? Someone comes to say, you know, hey, I need your your your what is 19 seasoning recipe or whatever to your chicken so that I can be successful too.

SPEAKER_00 47:31

Then you will never be successful because something else is instead of trying to be like me, be like you. So there is a I don't know if you want to call it a thin line or a very thick line when it comes to the thing of gatekeeping. Because if I work in a certain sector, I don't have a problem talking to you, showing you the ropes, but I'm not going to give you everything knowing you're my competition. Then the other thing is there are so many businesses out here that if you if I give you the knowledge, right? Because you want to be the next greatest photographer, videographer, whatever, and Charlotte, you're wanting to learn from me. First thing is I'm gonna be like, okay, well, you can be my apprentice, depending on where you are. If you're coming to me for the knowledge, nine times out of ten, you will become an apprentice straight out of the gate. But what people also have to understand is the student usually supersedes the teacher. Because that's what we're supposed to do. You're supposed to, yeah. And if you have a true relationship, when you get booked and you need somebody, I'm gonna be the first person you call. Then there's this collective uh networking, this connection. There's this camaraderie. We're not um competing, we're working together. Like there are other photographers and videographers that I know I can call and say, hey, I need a second, or hey, I know you do this better than me. Um, let me be your second. Or I'll get a phone call. You know, hey, I need to use a light, I need to use whatever, whatever. And we are moving as a collective.

SPEAKER_01 49:35

I was gonna say we're collaborating though.

SPEAKER_00 49:37

Yes, yeah. We're collaborating compared to competing. Uh Smar says it a lot. He says um collaboration over competition.

SPEAKER_06 49:46

Right.

SPEAKER_00 49:47

Because even if we do some of the same similar things, even if we're in the same lane, this business might not like you. That might like me, but that business might like you and not like me. And there are so many businesses that can reach out to us individually, or businesses that we can refer. Like if I can't do it and Shamar can't do it, Dina can't do it, I'll call to court. I have no problem name-dropping. Shout out to Taco, because she's a real one. But, you know, when it comes to this gatekeeping thing, there's only so much I can teach you. But the other thing to dial back is what do you already know? Where are you at? Because if you're just trying to get started, my initial response is get a camera. You can't be a photographer, videographer with no equipment. But then if you say, Well, what camera should I start with? I can't really answer that because it depends on your shooting style. It depends on what you want to do. Okay. You know, if you're saying, Oh, I'm gonna be doing concerts, well, you can't use a camera that's horrible and low light. You have to be able to get a camera specifically for what you're doing. You know, Canon, Sony, Nikon, um, I'm not spending no money on no Leica because I do not like them prices.

SPEAKER_01 51:22

Laica.

SPEAKER_00 51:23

L-E-I-C-A.

SPEAKER_01 51:25

That's a brand new. That's a brand.

SPEAKER_00 51:26

Oh no, okay. Yeah, and they are expensive. Uh, there's another one that's expensive, like just the cheapest camera to have is like $8,000. No lens. Wow. So I ain't got that money yet. Yet. And when I do get it, that's still not a camera for me. You know, so it's I have no problem bringing you up, but I can't be dragging you.

SPEAKER_03 51:53

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 51:53

You know, you have to be running beside me or in front of me and then come back. You, if we're walking together, running together, like we're jogging partners, okay. Now we can bounce ideas off of each other. If you pass me, come back and let me know what you find out. You know, but if I'm not trying to also get to where you've passed me at and I'm comfortable where I'm at, it depends on our relationship. So if I say, Sherry, how do you do this? You can tell me. But something that I saw somebody post or something that I also said, it doesn't matter. They're not gonna do it. I'm giving you the information for free. What are you gonna do? There are people that say, Oh, I want to do pictures, I want to do video, I want to learn all this stuff. And I'm like, okay, well, you got a camera. What do you already know about it? Man, you you don't even know how to use what you have.

SPEAKER_06 52:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 52:48

What's the purpose of me telling you how to shoot 4K video? Do it do it this way, do it that way when you don't understand the basics of photography. You need to learn that first. Yes, I can teach you, but you have to learn it. Yeah, it can't be an in-school project only. You know, we go to school, they give us homework. I ain't do the homework. I'm just gonna put that out there. Mama, you already know. I wasn't doing the homework. I told them I had a life outside of school.

SPEAKER_01 53:18

Oh, Lord.

SPEAKER_00 53:19

Yes. I left all my books in my teacher's classes. I said, I'll get that tomorrow. As a matter of fact, hold on to that to the end of the year, because I ain't gonna use it. And I didn't. But that's just me. Squirrel moment, side quest over. But you have to be able to want to learn this stuff on your own instead of trying to pick my brain to try to figure out how to make money and then make more than me to tell somebody, look what I did.

SPEAKER_03 53:45

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 53:46

That's the biggest thing.

SPEAKER_03 53:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 53:47

When it comes to gatekeeping, it depends. I can give you all this information about how to work these cameras, but if that's not what you're into, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. You can tell me how to create this tie, and I'd be like, oh, okay, cool. I'm gonna do the same thing. I'll let you know, maybe we can partner up. And you may not ever hear from me talking about these ties again. You know what I'm saying? So it's just it's an it depends thing. So if there's a young lady that says, hey, I like these and I'm interested in doing them, can you teach me that's different from to me, that's different from so how you do this, how you put this together, oh okay, and then you're they're taking notes because Shamar don't come for me in the comments because you know what I'm about to say. We had someone that was actually asking us questions and taking notes, and it was like you're basically taking notes to become the competition.

SPEAKER_06 54:51

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 54:52

Now I have to switch up how I answer your questions on spot because we're face to face. We've had people do that before, and I have no problem sharing because the majority of the people that have done that, we don't see them doing anything anyway. Okay, and again, when you they're doing this even with the the free information, most of the time they don't do anything, and that's another reason I don't have a problem giving out free information, but then it comes to a point where okay, you're gonna have to pay for this. Yeah, we're gonna have to set up a consultation within or coaching sessions and I can talk to you because if you're really passionate about doing this, pay me for the knowledge. Because I've given you X amount of days, weeks, months, years worth of free knowledge, and you're not doing anything, the next time you ask me, I'm charging.

SPEAKER_03 55:50

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 55:52

Now, again, that's still in that space of it depends.

SPEAKER_01 55:58

Well, yeah, just at home, yeah. And that was just knowledge for me, just try to understand what when someone refers to as gatekeeping, because I hear that a lot and I see it on social media, and not just, I'm not speaking of with my product, I'm just speaking just in general, when I hear people, you know, talk about, you know, gatekeeping, you know, sharing some things, but then some people want, like I say, the whole formula. And it's like, am I being selfish or am I wrong to, in my thoughts, to say whatever happened to people, you know, getting out doing the research? I mean, you said it yourself, it's out there. Information is out there. You can Google chat chat GPT, that's my friend. I never, never thought I would know.

unknown 56:43

Right.

SPEAKER_01 56:43

Maybe I get on there, and how did I know? And then that came too from pretty much someone saying to me, figure it out yourself. But they didn't use those exact words. But it took me back.

SPEAKER_00 56:57

Mama said, Mama said.

SPEAKER_01 56:59

It took me back. I was triggered. I was like, what, what? Oh, it ain't a problem.

unknown 57:03

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 57:04

But uh, jokes, but I'm serious, you know, with that. But but yeah, so that for me, anything that I want to know, you know, I try to do my research, I try not to go to an individual. Or the biggest thing is, I don't know, I'm one that I can kind of pick up on things or kind of what they say, what's for you is for you. So, you know, just pray about talk about Lord, you know, Lord, this, this, that. And I know I talk about the Lord a lot, and I love Jesus Christ, I love the Lord. He is my everything. So I would always, you know, use, you know, give him credit first because truly, I can't, I seriously look at this, and I think I just went squirrel. But I uh look at these truly and I go, I did that. You know, so it's gotta be, you know, I I give God the glory for that. But in case.

SPEAKER_00 57:53

So two things, oh, you're welcome. Two things. One, I don't know if y'all noticed or paid attention, and I don't know if she did this intentionally or not, but you see, these are the creative roots colors. Yes. When I saw these, and I mean she came with a mini suitcase, y'all, full of these, and I was like, uh-uh. We gotta establish some color. However, we need to go ahead and grab these because these are the colors of creative roots right up. And then two, something you said about the formula. I when I was driving a truck, there was a guy that was like, oh, I know how to do this, I know everything. One thing about that is when you get to the point where you feel you know everything, that's the moment you need to stop before you kill yourself. Two, I said, just because he was given the recipe doesn't mean he knows how much of each ingredient. And that makes a difference. Because I didn't say, oh, you take a cup of this and a dash of that, and you know, a little a little peach. I didn't give any of that. But the fact that I gave you a general synopsis of everything, you think you know it? No, you I can give you my formula, but this is my formula. It might not work for you. And and at that point, that's when we're back to this whole, you're just doing it to make money. My thing to that is if you know you're better at marketing, you know you're better at social media, why are we not partnering up? And I say, hey, you can be my social media, um, my social media people person, right? And for every time that I sell, like based on the video, when they say, oh, I watch this video, I can give you X amount of percentage or whatever. You know, I don't know exactly how all that ties into the back, but it's like there are people that are like, you know, this is how much I charge, but if we do it based on sales off of what you gain after my videos come out, then yes, 2%, 5%, 10%, whatever the case may be, you know, and you have to weigh that option. Because when that is thrown out, you can pay more in percentage than just paying somebody up front to say, hey, this is that. You know, so back to the whole marketing thing, if you're seeing this as a way to just make money, yeah, that ain't gonna is not gonna work. Because there's no joy coming from it. There's no peace while creating it. Right. There's no passion that that takes place. Right. And again, yes, you can go out here and make money and not be passionate about the the project or have peace in it, but it is going to be a headache.

SPEAKER_01 1:00:55

Yeah. And it shows in the work too, whether it is ties or food or um, you know, podcasting or whatever it is that you do, it shows um in the work. You know, your heart, your love, your passion, it shows, which is something else that I that I I notice too, you know, trying to just go in and just to get something done, you know, um, because I take requests to um Lord Man, what blank, what they call it?

SPEAKER_00 1:01:24

Um Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:26

Yeah. You say request. Yeah, request. I know what you say the other word, y'all know what I'm talking about. Um too. So, and those I kind of get, um I allow myself to be overwhelmed because again, I want to do my best, especially with somebody saying, Oh, custom is the word I was looking for. You know, you know, custom, you know, one-on-one. I'm like, oh my God, it has to be. They didn't say that to you. They just said, this is what I want, this is the color, this is the style, this is that. Do your thing. But then I put that added pressure. The added pressure on myself.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:57

Oh, I gotta get this right because they ask for something specific, right? And not just this.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:02

Not just what I already have created. So, oh my God, they're going somewhere, so you know, they step out. Somebody's gonna ask about it, somebody's gonna see or where that too much. I'm just I I'll just be all over the place. Yes. But I say it to say your work still shows. So if I go in and uh, you know, you ask for a custom and you want blue with no cherries on it. And I go and I have the blue and I have the cherries, and I just throw, you said blue, okay, Lord, with some cherries. And this is me looking through my broches. Okay, boom, there it is. No heart, no passion, you know, no love, just blue with cherries. And when I sit back and look at it, that's trash. I wouldn't even give that away. That's me. That's me. My I'm not gonna definitely not gonna sell somebody something that I wouldn't wear, but that's me. That's that's I have that much um pride in and in um. Oh, y'all, my phone is ringing in the middle of this doggone podcast. No, I'm already nervous. That might have been God. Tell me I was talking too much. No, my phone is supposed to be on silent. That's okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:10

Go ahead. I'm still listening. That might have been a mess, it's a message. No, that was one of my brothers. He's gonna, I'll call him back.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:18

So, um, yeah, so it it shows, you know, in your work. If you're just doing something um to make a dollar to for me, this is not about you know making money. It's something that I love, something that I enjoy doing. Um I really do. And when the joy stops and the love stops for it, then I'll stop.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:40

And until that day comes, but we're gonna be here.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:43

We're gonna be here until until when God says that's it.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:49

How much when the Lord. When the Lord says. Then that's when I'll stop. But like you said, like I did a V, I was doing this video. I didn't want to do the video. When I say I didn't want to do the video, I mean there was no anything in me that wanted to do it. I did that video to those that were not there. Oh, this is good. Shamar say, I like it. Is that is it's definitely good. But I can tell this video was made with anger. You can see it. And my response was because I was pissed that I had to do it.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:39

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:40

And we had a conversation about it, but you can tell because there was no passion, there was no no love to do it. And I always say, I refuse to put out trash. I will give you nothing and offer free services before I give you trash. So I didn't think or feel it was created with anger. I was just thinking about the subject, how deep the subject was, which is why I chose the instrumental that I chose. But that was probably because, like Shamar said, I was already upset about doing the video.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:29

And it's your spirit, that energy. People feel energy, it's gonna come out, it's gonna show. People can always tell you try to walk around. Even me prior to coming in here, yeah, I was a little nervous. Um, I don't know, I've had a week. I don't know what it is of I don't know what's going on with that, but I've been um more quieter, more to myself. I don't know. I'm like, what's going on with you? What's wrong? Talk. What do this, do that? I don't know, but that with that energy. So I knew coming into here, And even, you know, when I went to service this morning and I had to serve as an usher um this morning, I was good. I'm in the house of the Lord, gotta thank you. Sempre prayer gives up together. But then that thing came over me again. And I'm like, fix your face. But even I can feel so if I feel like if I'm not, you know, together, then you always have that somebody that's looking like this. Right. Like the look, you give, like, what's going on? And you don't even recognize it, like, oh, fix your face, smile, you know. But still, even with that, what I'm trying to say is that you can try to cover something with a smile, put your shoulders back. I'm always shoulders back, you know, head up, you know, show time, or you know, it's time, you know, lights, camera action. So then, but seriously, you know, it's like, okay, get it together. But if your energy is still not right, it's what what's inside of you coming out, and that's not that's not positive, it's gonna show. People are gonna people can see that.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:59

Some people can even smell it. Stank attitude has a raw scent.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:05

That's deep.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:06

Very. I got deep, y'all. Those are gems. That was deep.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:12

Your attitude can stink so bad that everything else about you is just ugly. You can be the most beautiful person in the world, but your attitude changes everything. And even in that state, it reminds me of something um me and Chef Walt talked about. And it's just like you're just in a season of listening and paying attention. And when we listen, a lot of people don't listen with a blank face.

SPEAKER_01 1:07:47

We listen like I've heard do we listen ready to comment, or we listen with with judgment.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:59

Sometimes we do.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:00

Yeah, if that makes sense. Negative we're we're judging before the person can even completely express themselves.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:08

And I say to that, listen to understand instead of hearing to respond. And a lot of times that's basically what a lot of people do. Yeah, we hear what you're saying. We already know, we already know in the midst of you talking what we're gonna say soon as you shut up. But what we have to do is just say, hmm. Okay, now I understand why you said what you said and why you did what you did. I still don't like it, but I understand compared to, well, you should have. Well, why didn't you? You know, because now we're fussing, now we're arguing, now we're yelling, and we don't I don't I don't have time for that.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:56

Right.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:56

You know, so yes, I'm always listening. I'm not always ready to respond. Um but I know when I do respond, I have to make sure I respond to what you say. You know, when it comes to people's feelings, and I'm I'm gonna go a little left. When it comes to people in their feelings, you have to listen to how people feel without responding and telling them how you feel because you you don't validate what they said, you don't validate their feelings because you feel your feelings are more important. And I don't know why I'm going here because it's not even what we're supposed to be talking about.

SPEAKER_01 1:09:51

Everything has purpose. Yes, I believe that.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:53

But a lot of times when you see someone angry, someone is furious, they might not be angry at you, they might just be going off about whatever.

SPEAKER_06 1:10:05

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:06

Two words I don't like to hear, calm down. I'm as calm as I can possibly be at this present moment. And I feel, me personally, with those two words, you just void it the way I feel. You know, so to get back to the facial expressions and not wanting to talk, it could just be you are in a space where you're just not necessarily judging, even though the Bible says judge the fruit, judge a tree by the fruit it bears. We can judge in that aspect, but it's more the way I look at it. You're analyzing, you're stepping back to take a wider approach to see instead of just having this narrow view when it comes to certain things, you're taking the race horse blinders off so you can see everything else that is going on and taking place. That's how I feel. That's what I see when you say you've just been listening. We're in a time where people want to be heard. And we have and then again, this is also a thing like marketing. You have to hear what your customers are saying. Yeah, you have to understand why they're saying what they're saying instead of well, I don't care if you don't like it. You know, we have to hear them, hear them out.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:43

Yeah.

unknown 1:11:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:44

You know? Because they're they're spending their money.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:47

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:48

With you. They could have ordered it from whoever online.

SPEAKER_01 1:11:53

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:53

They could have went home and tried to make that. They might have failed.

SPEAKER_05 1:11:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:57

It might not be what you did, but you know, you have to listen. I feel like we got real deep real quick.

SPEAKER_01 1:12:05

You did get deep. I'm like, is my lash about to come off? I'm about to get teared out. What's going on? Right. I mean, but no, but but but that's good though. And um for you to go back to the the facial expressions of me saying how my week has been, and I'm trying to figure out, okay, what's going on? Um I'm a people watcher too. I probably I don't know how well of a listener I am, but I'm paying attention. Um, the discernment that I have, you know, I I I lean all the way into it, and I go with how it's making me feel about you situate a situation, you know, or what. So um I I do get quiet or whatever, that kind of analyze situations or how they say read the room, you know, uh, or whatnot, but I don't know. Um something else you just said too, just lost my thought. Why?

SPEAKER_00 1:13:00

Um Bring it back, Lloyd.

SPEAKER_01 1:13:03

But Ben Ben um maybe I'm at a a place where or was at a place or at a place. Um with with the silence and then with doing this, because I'm only six months old, actually, tomorrow. Well, by the time this would be six months. Um so maybe um I don't know, maybe things are just going on in my head, and I just need to be quiet or whatever, just to kind of get to the the next level of um creating. That just came to me. I didn't think of that before. I was just like, why are you so what's going on with you? Why are you so moody? But uh yeah, maybe I'm yeah. So yeah, we have that deep.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:52

I have these things that I call lockaways. These are days where no cell phone, I don't answer anybody's call if it's not my wife or my kids. Sometimes my mama, I will not answer my phone. I tell people I'm going on a lock away for two days. When I say that, the majority of people that know, they won't call, they won't text, there are no emails, I will not respond to any of that. Now, my lock away days could be just, okay, God, what's supposed to happen? Some of these days are I refuse to go into that office and turn on that computer. I'm not doing anything today, except listening to my worship music and watching TV. And I don't really watch TV, so I'm really watching movies. There are days where it's these are the three things I need to get done today before I respond to a text, before I call anybody back, before I do anything, and it's I disconnect from the world. My phone is on vibrate, and I don't care where the phone is because I'm at home. So I know I'll find it later.

SPEAKER_01 1:15:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:07

My watch, I might not even wear my watch that day, which also means I don't get to count my steps, but who cares, right? But I can sit in front of my computer and do the majority of everything. If I have 10 tasks, I can get through six of them. Because my phone is a distraction, no matter how I look at it. Social media. There are no notifications from any social media that are supposed to come to my watch. And if I don't have my phone, I don't know what happened anyway. Again, I'm a talker. Talking is also a distraction. So I go on these lockaways and I just sit. And this is exactly how the house sounds. Just quiet. The kids are in school, the wife is at work. I'm not worried about anything. And there are times and days I won't call anybody. Like living where I live, there's a 45-minute drive to 485. And I won't call anybody. Okay, God, I'm listening. You are in a space where maybe it's just God saying, listen, stop talking, don't worry about saying anything, just listen, observe, analyze. Because there's so many things going on around us, you know, we may or may not, you know, be paying attention to, but you sound like me. I'm watching everything. My peripheral is 178. So as soon as it gets right past my ears, I can see it. And even that is a distraction. That is, I won't even open up my front door. Yes. I won't I won't open my front door. I might go out the back, but I won't go out the front door, and I'm only going out the back to take the dog out anyway. But I don't go out my front door, I don't even touch the front door. If my mom calls and says, Open the front door, mama, you know the code. I'm not getting up and touching that front door. That is one of my rules for today.

SPEAKER_01 1:17:32

Okay, just for the okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:34

Yes. But my lock aways, I will not, you know, and and I also tell people if you don't hear from me in about three days, call and check on me. And a lot of times it's just me avoiding the world as good or bad as that may sound. Because everything outside my house to me is a distraction. I'm not gonna call my wife and kids a distraction, you know, but that's why I say I don't open up my front door. I can open that front door and be like, oh shoot, this grass needs to be cut. I need to wash my car. Oh, there's the man, man. Who was that walking down the street? Hey, what's going on? Now I met outside.

SPEAKER_01 1:18:12

I get because I was gonna ask you what's behind the opening the door, but that's good.

SPEAKER_00 1:18:18

Everything outside my house is a distraction. Yeah. Hmm. You calling me? That means you're not in my house. So guess what? On my lock away days, you're a distraction. My phone could be left upstairs on the charger. I will put my phone on verbate and leave it in the bathroom upstairs because I know I don't need to be with me.

SPEAKER_01 1:18:39

Just sit still.

SPEAKER_00 1:18:40

Mm-hmm. Just listen. I don't know what I'm listening to. I don't know what I'm listening for, but I'm listening. I'm quiet. I get real short answer. And I have to prep my wife and my kids, I'm going to be on a lock away tomorrow. And that whole day, it not intentionally, but thinking about it now. Unintentionally, I slowly stop talking to the point where my voice gets very low like this. And sometimes they don't know what I'm saying. Other times it's just go. Nothing's wrong with me. Right. I just need to get what's in here out. Unwind or and I need to get out of here.

SPEAKER_05 1:19:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:19:31

We always we're busy. We have to do lists. I'm tired of to doing. So today I'm not to doing anything.

SPEAKER_01 1:19:41

I like that. And that, oh my God, that's oh my god, that's huge. Because I said twice, I believe, since I've been sitting here, that I'm a busybody. But what I didn't say is that I hate to say I don't know because that there's my strength, because I'm so strong and got control. But I don't, and I'm not so strong. But I don't know how to turn it off at times. And I'm constantly saying to myself, sit down. When you get home from work on the day, so you need to go into the office. Come in here, put that bag down. You don't need to go upstairs. Everything you need is down here. It'll be okay. You got that recliner for a reason, other than being almost 60. That's that's my my old old lady chair. But use it. My son tells me you got a recliner. Oh, you old? Yes, I am. But um sit down. Sit, sit, sit down. Just sit down. Sit down.

SPEAKER_00 1:20:46

But then when I sit down, oh I need to be doing this. Oh, I could be doing this. Oh, am I supposed? Did somebody put in an order? Am I supposed? I know I told so-and-so.

SPEAKER_01 1:20:58

Oh my God. And then with you breaking down to me, oh, I ain't gonna cry because my lashes, y'all. I can't, I did good this morning. I can't cry. But the door. Yes. That's so deep to me. And it's so simple. Because the let me tell you something. Do not cry. I don't know if nobody else caught that, but that door, because it's me. Me and the Lord in my home. So I'm cutting grass. I'm the I'm I'm me. Well, yeah, people say you can pay somebody. I know. And I have, but I enjoy doing this. And the moments that I couldn't, I had to go out and do it because I couldn't pay somebody. And I enjoy it. And I do a better job at some things, especially in the yard than the people that I was paying. And that's just facts, not being both. But when I open that door, even, and I ain't gonna say my front door, the back door, and I'm looking, or when I do sit and there's a window right here, instead of looking, I'm looking this way. Oh, I gotta cut the grass. Oh, those weeds behind the fence, oh, those weeds coming on top of the fence, oh, the weeds from the other yard. Oh, is that a rabbit? Now, or a raccoon, because I'm I swear I live in the jungle. But, you know, distractions. And it's like, I, I, I, I gotta get it. I gotta take care of that. I gotta get it. I gotta fix it. I gotta, I, I, I, I, gotta, gotta, gotta, gotta, gotta. Mine everywhere. That's just the back door. So for you to say that about the front door and those distractions, mm-hmm, that's messing me up. And then to open my garage, and this just happened the other day. I might be oversharing. I told y'all I do this, but it's only to help somebody, and it's helping me. I'm in the garage. This garage needs to be this, this, that, that, that, and this needs to be organized, and that needs to be that, and that, and poor department.

SPEAKER_00 1:23:00

The Christmas decorations, that Christmas tree still down. They need to go in the attic. I wait till my son comes. My driveway and the garage need to be pressure washed again. I still ain't done this. Lord, I've been in this house so long, and I still ain't opened up that box to put this stuff. Close the door.

SPEAKER_01 1:23:19

Close the door.

SPEAKER_00 1:23:20

Go sit down. Cause I ain't doing nothing.

SPEAKER_01 1:23:27

Ain't doing nothing. But me in my mind, I need to do it. But why? And then, and yes, I talk about my family a lot. I love my family. My son, mom, it's a garage.

SPEAKER_00 1:23:42

Yeah, but in that simple statement, we find everything wrong with it because it doesn't fit our standard of excellence. It does not fit our level of OCD. It doesn't fit. Oh, yes.

SPEAKER_01 1:23:57

And somebody took actually a nurse told me that. Sure, you know they call that OCD. I said, oh, oh, OCD. What are you talking about? Things just need to be put in a place and everything has a place and things just set up a certain way.

SPEAKER_00 1:24:14

Even if it's organized confusion, there even with me, there is organized confusion that fits and works with my OCD. My computer desk, I will clear it. And I'm like, oh shoot, I did paint this thing blue. But give it a week or two. There are more things lined up to where I don't see my whole desk. But I know what everything. I did a short film about it. I have to send it to you. The short film is called I'm Good. I'll have to send it to you. But it's just a reflection of how my mind is so cluttered with so much that my outward workspace reflects the workspace in my brain.

SPEAKER_05 1:25:01

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:25:02

I can't go any further than that without telling you what happens, but I'll have to send it to you. Yeah. But yes, this yes. Listen, y'all, we were not supposed to go this deep. We supposed to be talking about these broach ties. I think y'all got some information that y'all did not expect to get. I got things out of this that I was not expecting. Yeah, and I didn't mean to I tell y'all over skip. But it's it's it's okay. Like I said, we this is raw. We don't, I don't do any of the cutting and oh, this doesn't fit. No. Everything today still fits under the overall message of creative roots. Sometimes, as a creative, you just need to go sit down and do nothing. Take your creativity, your passion, the thing that gives you peace and creates joy when you see smiles on other people's faces. Take those things and you just have to say no. Which reminds me of this is my year of no. This is my year of, I'm not doing that. This is my year of find somebody else. This is my year of, and what's wrong with you doing it?

SPEAKER_01 1:26:11

And is that working out for you? Are you sticking with it? Yes. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:26:14

I just came, I was in the hospital. I had to leave work. And because I am who I am, having sickle cells, I drove home, I took a shower, and I checked myself into the ER. I never know how long I'm gonna be there. I could be there two hours, I could be there two days. I don't need a blood transfusion, it's just the monitoring aspect, but I'm doing so much, not just for myself, but for other people. And anybody that knows me, and everybody that knows me knows I do a lot. Videography, video editing, photographer, uh editing the photos, the podcast, we have the studio, we have the media production company, we have Artbox Charlotte. And then I'm putting all of that on top of having a day job, silent business partner, as we call them, and then have to go home and be husband, then have to be dad to three different personalities, plus the dog. So it's like there's a lot that goes on and takes place. You know, a question was asked to me, how is your heart and how is your mental? And I said, I don't have time to think or process it. Because the moment I stop, I'm gonna have the greatest anxiety attack of my life, and I know it. Not a heart attack, but the greatest anxiety attack of my life, and I'm gonna have to check out. Not out of life, I'm gonna have to check out from that, it'll be the longest lock away. That I would I will ever be on. You will not see me. I'm gonna have to go on FMLA. I'm gonna have to just people are gonna assume either one, I'm dead or two, I done gone crazy. But I don't have time to process a lot. Because the moment I process it, who's gonna be the Who's gonna be able to understand? And it's not a lot of people. When people go through things and I'm and and I'm gonna have to go there because I feel this is needed. A lot of times when we are in this space of and I gotta let it go, the tears fall. Sometimes, 99% of the time, we do not need you to say anything. We just need you to hold space.

SPEAKER_01 1:28:58

That's real.

SPEAKER_00 1:28:59

Hold it. I don't need you to say nothing. When people pass, I always tell people, I say, hey, I'm not the type of person to say, Oh, I'm so sorry for your loss and this, that I my condolences. What do you need? One of my homeboys, his grandmother passed. I said, dude, if you need me to hold the phone, just let me know. And we were on the phone for like an hour. No conversation. I could hear him every now and then. And I'm like, I'm just, well, you know, I'm still here. You let me know when you're good. One of my brothers, um, his uncle passed. I got a message from one of our other brothers, like, hey, go check on him. He he's in that space. Go check on him. I went to his house and I literally just sat there like this. Touch my phone every now and then, sit back. Where you at? I could tell he was still upset. I said, Well, you did what God told you to do, right? He's like, Yeah. I said, I'm not trying to tell you what to do, but you did what God told you to do. Your uncle feels he's in a better place and will be in a better place when that day comes, right? Yeah, but I say, There's no but. There's no but with God. You did what God told you to do. So, amen. And congratulations. And I still just sat there because he didn't need me to talk. This is not what we were supposed to be talking about. And it wasn't, but let's go here.

SPEAKER_01 1:30:41

However, and that's that's the greatest thing, having experience for the first time losing my dad. And I know people don't like to hear about when you get to when people grieve, or when you get to talk about, you know, people that have passed on. I don't want to hear that crap. Everybody is somebody. It may not be somebody to you, may not be somebody to me, but under God's eyes, we're all the same. We're all his children. We're all on the same level. So regardless of what type of person an individual was as they walked this earth, um, to me still doesn't give you the right to say that they're not worthy to be cared about in their last days. Or to be cared for or cared about, even if they don't know it's their last days, regardless of what type of person that they are. But through that whole grieving process, in my opinion, my personal opinion, going through it, you did the best thing. Words, it's not gonna do anything for somebody that that has lost, you know, a loved one. Um, you you can, I mean, because words are are just what to say, a dime a dozen, just just just throwing out stuff. The best thing that you can do is what you did. Just be there. Say nothing. Because most of the time you say something, and there's something that you said earlier about when you, you know, have your lockdown or whatever, you're in your space. And um, before you say that, the worst thing that somebody can tell, two words, um, calm down. Who you talking to?

SPEAKER_00 1:32:18

Right.

SPEAKER_01 1:32:20

Why are you here? What is your purpose? Because you really, because don't don't don't tell them to calm down. I felt that too. But when you're going through, even if you experienced, went through a loss, if you didn't go through the exact same thing that I went through day to day with the same individual, and and really not even what well didn't even go through what I went through, because probably you don't know everything that I went through. You can't tell me nothing. So just give your God bless you, and it's gonna be okay. I don't even want to hear that. Matter of fact, I probably went off on somebody for saying that, because who, how you know? Just, you know, because you you're already angry and and you don't know how to feel yourself. And it's like you were saying about um one, your your brother or cousin, um, or or family member, you know, you was texting them, asking them, did you do everything? Do you think God is pleased with you? That was my whole thing. Is God pleased with what I'm doing? Is God pleased with what I'm doing? My dad's pastor called me. That tripped me out. And I'm like, You calling people? And not because of who he is, just because I'm again, I'm looking at status. Somebody, your status or whatever, you got a little local ministers or whatever you wouldn't call. I'm not a member of my dad was, but you called me. And for me to vent and just be who he say what you want to say. What? For real? This is how I feel. Bleep, bleep, blump, blump, boo-da-boo-dao-dao-da. And I love God. This is that, that, that, and he just listen. Mm-hmm. You deserve to feel how you feel, and don't ever let anybody tell you how to feel. Don't let nobody tell you how you feeling.

SPEAKER_00 1:34:06

Right.

SPEAKER_01 1:34:06

So, and something else that you said yesterday um on the phone, and I mentioned this to my son because it really stayed with me. Other than fact, I'm nervous. So you want me to come on here? Why don't we come to the show? I don't want to go talk to people. He um when you said, um, and I hope you don't mind me repeating this, that um you were axed as a man, men not used to being axed, but you were asked, How are you feeling? How you doing? Yes. That really, if I ain't heard nothing else that you said yesterday, and we were on the phone over an hour. Mm-hmm. That's still with me because that's huge. That's very important too. Um, with with grieving and and and losing someone, especially someone that you were uh the were trying to take care of, someone I look at again, being hard on myself. I'm assigned to you. So my first thing is why. And I won't lose my lashes, but I'm a real person. Yeah, but um I don't want this assignment. Because God, you already know anything that I do, I'm putting my heart in, and I'm going in, I'm I'm putting my heart in it. I got to, it's got to be the best.

SPEAKER_00 1:35:22

And that's why he chose you.

SPEAKER_01 1:35:24

And you got me assigned to this right here. And this hell that I'm going through right here, because I don't know what to do. And I look around and they know, thank God for my brother and my sister-in-law. But I'm like, where, where the help? Where the, where the we look to our parents, and Lord, I'm going off of whatn't this ain't about this, but if it'll help somebody, we look to our parents for the answers. Because of what kind of parents it was. I never said that my mom and dad was the perfect parents, or my dad was the per. I ain't never said that. But what I have said that in this day and time, everybody needs somebody. I'm appointed. Lord, why? I'm gonna do my best and go in and try and do my best. It didn't feel like it was enough. But for you to say that you question your family member to say, did you do what God asked you to do, or what you were supposed to do, or what God told you, I didn't know the answer to that for a long time. I spoke to my dad's pastor, speaking to him. And he told me, God, this because you are doing. I was still like, how you know? I ain't doing just so, and he was like, listen, then God sent, when I say he sent me so many other messages through the man at the time, 80-something years old, that was cutting my grass. And I would shared with him, you know, because he would ask, how things going? And he shared his story about his whatever. And I was like, wow, huh? You're doing the right thing. How you know, just because you ate it, you know, I was just so, how anybody knowing I don't know? How y'all know?

SPEAKER_00 1:36:57

Because we're in it. We're in it. So we only see the mess and the turmoil and the weeds that we have to pluck. The only thing everybody else sees is the beautiful garden that we have created. And we fight and struggle to keep that garden looking as green as we possibly can. And people don't see the struggle, but we have to tell them what is it. You don't know my struggle. You don't, you don't know my story to to uh judge the glory, or however, whatever those words are, you didn't you don't see what I go through to be who I am today, to to see how I got here, to know why I am the way that I am, and I'm still here.

SPEAKER_01 1:37:46

Oh my God, that's good. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:37:48

We were not supposed to be preaching today.

SPEAKER_01 1:37:53

But I'm here, you know, and and you're here, and we're here. So, yeah, so to be assigned to something, you know, but but I said to say, we need to ask that more often. After all of that, the only thing that I wanted, I ain't want no material, nothing from the body. Me and my brother would we're the same wing. When we used to, like my mom said, figure it out. Lord, my dad, my dad's my dad probably said the first, I ain't none of your husband, go figure it out. What you just say to me? Oh, okay. Oh, okay, I'm gonna figure it out and do the best I can. And da da da da da da.

SPEAKER_00 1:38:27

Reverse the apology here hard at that moment.

SPEAKER_01 1:38:30

Go do it, gonna succeed. But but yeah, I was I was that person, or am that person. But um, so yes, I heard that so much that do do what needs to be done. But all I wanted to hear, all I wanted, and still now sometimes, is to hear the question, well, how you doing?

SPEAKER_02 1:38:50

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 1:38:52

That's all, especially in the beginning. I'm better now, but in the beginning, I just wanted, how you doing? So when you said that yesterday, I felt all of that. I didn't realize that men um would like to hear that more often because men are bred differently, you know, than women, you know, whatever. So you to be strong and to be proud and you're you're fixing and taking care of everybody. And at one point I felt like I was fixing just doing everybody, but ain't nobody checking on me. So now I'm mad and I'm angry at God, and this ain't fair, and da-da-da-da-da. I ain't next to be this person, you know. Right. All of this stuff.

SPEAKER_00 1:39:30

And and to back that up, I don't know how people are gonna take this, you know, including you, but I'm I'm gonna say it. That is how men feel every single day. Nobody asks us anything. Now, I will say there are people that have that wife that will constantly check on them. There are married couples that have their um collective teamwork thing of, okay, what's your percentage? You know, I heard a lady say with her and her wife, if either of them get to 50% or below, okay, time out. What's going on? Because if we both at 50%, we both feel like we're at 20%, we need to reanalyze how we're living. If I'm at 45%, if I'm at 75% for myself, and let's say my wife is at 100, okay, she would pick up that extra 25 to make sure that we don't fold. And vice versa. But if we both come in the house, we're like, I'm at 25, I'm at 25 too. What are we doing? We need to have a conversation. What's going on? You know, we don't, the majority of us do not get asked how we feel, how we're doing. And if we do, it's just general conversation. It's not a real heartfelt question at that in those moments. So, yes, like when Chef Walt asked, I had to keep myself from breaking down. And my response to him, I said, I'm numb. I'm numb. When I got asked that question last month or so, you know, how's your heart and how is your mental? I don't have time to process it. Because the way I look at it for myself as a man, if I break down, that means the house falls.

SPEAKER_01 1:41:31

It's what you okay. It's what you thought. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:41:36

If I can't stand tall, guess what? The foundation of this house is cracked. Is and it's done.

SPEAKER_01 1:41:44

But you know it doesn't fall though, right? And with me saying that out loud to you, I'm talking to myself. That things do, it'll be okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:41:56

Houses need repairs too.

SPEAKER_01 1:41:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:41:59

Shingles.

SPEAKER_01 1:42:00

Yeah. We gotta maintain everything. If you if it's worth having.

SPEAKER_00 1:42:05

And we have to learn to maintain ourselves.

SPEAKER_01 1:42:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:42:08

And again, that's why I go on my lock aways. I'm not talking to I did one on Thursday. I didn't tell, I didn't even tell my wife I was gonna be off on Thursday. And I told, I tell people, I see the reason why I don't I didn't announce that I was off on Thursday is because a lot of times when I say, oh, well, I'm gonna take this day off, okay, good, because we can go, or hey, well, since you off tomorrow or off on that day, can you? If I'm off, y'all are the ones that are telling me, sit down, you need to rest, catch up on some sleep, do nothing. And then y'all are the same ones that want me to turn around and do more. No. No.

SPEAKER_01 1:42:51

That's good. What they say, no, it's a fourth sentence, and it's okay. And I appreciate you for sharing that because that's another thing that I need to learn to. I mean, people don't ask me, people don't bother me for the most part. Um, the hardest part of my life was going through with my dad. That's the hard, hardest part of my life so far. And I don't want to ever go through that ever again because it was the hard, like the hardest. But I made it. And I got messages that told me that I was gonna make it, that I was on the right track, that I was doing the right thing. I didn't want to hear them all then, but I made it. Um, but yeah, um, this is deep, and you do know that today is May 31st, so the last day of May, and the May of month is when they celebrate, well, not really a celebration, but it's considered mental health month too.

SPEAKER_00 1:43:42

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 1:43:43

So I'm just tripping on the fact that how I came here, nervous, stomach hurting, not sure about this. I'm not really a talker like this. I don't want to feel intimidated or, you know, I don't know, look, make myself look crazy or embarrass you or my son. But I believe there's purpose in everything and mental, our mental, this right here really started to fix my mental. You know, to give me the word you give me peace. And I enjoyed it. My my time with, and I didn't realize that my time with God. My quiet time, come think about because I was sitting down. Sit down, and my focus was just on this and not all over the place. If I don't get it done, it's gonna get worse. So thank you. I am really glad that I'm here.

SPEAKER_00 1:44:46

I am so glad you're here.

SPEAKER_01 1:44:48

This is like this is deeper than deeper than the tie, child. But Sherry Denise Designs, you know, LC, pick up my brush top.

SPEAKER_00 1:44:56

Um so let's do this, because we can talk after this. Can you two things? One, can you tell the people where to find uh you and your ties?

SPEAKER_01 1:45:06

Yeah, okay, let me get back right. My lashes still on y'all. My little lip gloss gone. I was trying to be cute. Um, but seriously, um you can find my brooch ties on um Instagram at Sherry Denise Designs, um, on Facebook at MyCustom Brooch Ties. And um that's where I am right now. Also, I post all of my pop-ups, the pop-ups that I um um have coming up for the month. Um, I post those ahead of time. And you don't have to wait for pop-up. You can always reach out to me via messenger if you have my telephone contact information. You can reach out to me via text. I also have an email which is share denise designs at gmail.com. So you can also reach out to me there. So you don't have to wait till you see me at a pop-up. Anything again that I create, these are all posted on my site. Um, and yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:46:07

So two, um, what seed would you like to plant for everybody that has lasted however long we've been recording? What advice do you have for these people?

SPEAKER_01 1:46:23

Um, I don't know, I've shared a lot, but um, number one, do what makes you happy. Um, I try not to be a self, I feel guilty as we were talking about um in the beginning, um, when people, you know, compliment me or when I try to do things just for me. But it's okay to be selfish with yourself. And I'm just learning that at 59 years old. It's okay to be selfish um with yourself. You have to love yourself first before you can love and do anything for anybody else. It's just like the whole thing where you're on the plane to tell you to put your mask on first before you go to help someone else in the case of an emergency. I didn't understand that for a while, especially being, you know, a mother when my son was younger. I'm like, this is my baby. Protect my baby first. You got to protect you, protect your kids. But it makes sense. So you're no good to anyone unless you're some good to yourself. Do what makes you happy. Can't worry about other people. If it makes you happy, you're doing what you're supposed to do.

SPEAKER_00 1:47:23

I can sit with that. I can sit with that. Yeah. So this is this is the space where I allow you to ask me a question, make a statement, advice, comment, whatever, and I'm ready. It's on you.

SPEAKER_01 1:47:37

I've been thinking about this.

SPEAKER_00 1:47:40

Oh no, Jesus.

SPEAKER_01 1:47:42

No, it's simple. What makes you happy?

SPEAKER_00 1:47:45

Life.

SPEAKER_01 1:47:48

And when you say life, living life or life.

SPEAKER_00 1:47:53

Born with sickle cell anemia, we're not expected to live long. And everything that I've been through growing up, all the stuff I put Jackie Mays through, I'm still here.

SPEAKER_01 1:48:07

You did good, Jackie. You did good, mama.

SPEAKER_00 1:48:10

I'm proud of you. Look at me. Look at me. Just life. Being able to help educate other people, um, being able to sit with people like you, talk about their creativity, being able to, for the most part, be behind the camera because I like making people look good too. And I'm gonna do my best. And just being able to say, I'm still here. I'm a walking, living testimony. Just life. That's what makes me happy.

SPEAKER_01 1:48:55

That's good.

SPEAKER_00 1:48:57

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 1:48:58

And you have purpose. We all have purpose, but you you have and here we are.

SPEAKER_00 1:49:07

Yes. So listen, y'all, Sherry, I want to thank you for being here today. Even though we did not know it was gonna get this deep. Yeah, you know. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 1:49:19

I'm gonna have to leave you a copay. I felt like I feel like I'm had to leave a copay uh-the therapy session.

SPEAKER_00 1:49:27

No, I got you. Wait a minute. Listen, but listen, y'all. Um, Sherry told y'all where to find the tie. She told y'all where to find her. Uh that is it for this episode. I am not gonna uh belong y'all any longer. So uh shout out to Allenux Studios, shout out to Charlotte Podcast Studios, and shout out to Artbox Charlotte. I would like to thank us once again. That is it for this episode. Thank y'all for tuning in to Creative Roots, and we are out. Peace.