Speaker 1: 0:01

Hello and welcome back to another episode of Train for a Great Life. I'm going to share another lesson from my three and a half year old son, leonardo. I'm going to talk about trophy culture today, but maybe not quite in the way you'd expect. Leonardo has been doing KidStrong for a little while now, maybe a year and a half. It's a great program. It blends like physical challenge with social and character development. One of the things they do really well is they create moments for the kids. At each class they name a class captain. That captain will walk up and down the line and shake hands with every other kid and the coaches will make sure that they're making eye contact and introducing themselves with confidence. At the end they'll hand out awards at every class, sometimes a coach's award or a parent's strong award for moms and dads who are helping support their kid's experience. And you know, they go up on the kid, goes up on a little podium and after every 10 classes the child might level up, you know, and with each award, complete with their picture, goes up on on the tv in the class with a little celebration.

Speaker 1: 1:08

Leonardo has gotten his fair share of these and he loves it the attention, the moment, the recognition you can see how much it means to him. But recently I started noticing something toward the end of class if he didn't get an award he would get upset. He said that he wanted to see his picture on TV. He might cry in the truck afterward and of course we'd explain. But you can't get an award every time. It doesn't mean anything if everyone gets an award all the time. He's three. I'm not sure if it landed, um, you know, usually a few minutes later a snack and you know a fun kid song in the truck got things turned around.

Speaker 1: 1:50

Still, it kind of got me thinking. So we hear a lot about trophy culture and how everyone gets a ribbon and how it's supposedly ruining kids. I don't disagree that it's not a great thing. I just don't think it sets them up for actual expectations of life. But I think we're underestimating our kids. I don't think the problem is that they get recognized. I think the problem is when we don't let them feel the absence of recognition right, we rush to explain it away or soften the blow or hand them something, just so that they don't cry. And really what I want for my kids and I would hope what every parent wants for their kids is just to find enjoyment in the thing that they're doing, not necessarily doing it for an award or an achievement or recognition. So here's what happened last Saturday and it kind of stopped me in my tracks. We walked out to the truck after class and Leonardo looked at me and he said Daddy, I didn't get an award. And before I could even respond he said but, that's okay. And then, before I could say anything, followed up with you know, hey, I'm proud of you. Man, he followed it up with and I'm not crying. And man, that's it, that's the win.

Speaker 1: 3:17

Trophy culture doesn't give kids enough credit. It assumes that they're too fragile to handle disappointment, that they need constant affirmation and that their feelings need to be managed for them. But they don't. Kids can feel disappointed, they can cry, they can want something really badly and not get it, and they'll be okay if we give them space to feel it and grow through it. Leonardo felt it over the last few months. He was learning, even when he didn't know he was learning. And then, without me having to nudge him or soothe him or correct him, he showed me that he understood. He didn't need a trophy, he needed the experience and he needed time to process it on his own.

Speaker 1: 4:01

So if you're a parent or a coach or someone who works with kids, here's a reminder Let them feel it, let them lose sometimes and let them want something and not get it. You're not failing them when they get sad or disappointed. You're giving them a gift, and the gift is the learning how to handle it, how to sit with it and how to keep moving forward. Anyway, if you're lucky, one day they'll look at you like he looked at me and say I didn't get an award, but that's okay. And again, a huge part of what I want as a parent is a kid that's well-adjusted and can regulate emotions. And that comes with losing. And you know, I'm sure he's going to have a whole lot of athletic accomplishment. But it's valuable to to learn how to, how to, how to handle all this, because even if you have a, even if you have a professional career, there's a day when you don't, and coming out of that can be very difficult too. So I hope you've enjoyed this one. I'll see you in the gym.