Train For A Great Life
A Great Life doesn't happen by accident.
I'll share my own experiences, thoughts on training, mindset, life and how to build a great life of your own.
Train For A Great Life
Shawn McQueen: Family and What Shapes Us
Okay, hello, welcome back to another episode of Train for a Great Life. I have Sean McQueen with me, owner of Railroad CrossFit in Hudson, new York. We run in some of the same circles with Two Brain and the Tinker Mastermind Group Spent enough time together that this is a guy, that very intentional human being. I like the things that he says and so I think, uh, I think we'll get into some good stuff here. So, sean, I just want to give you a minute to introduce yourself. Tell us a bit about you.
Speaker 2:Uh, before I do, jay, I'd like to thank you for having me on and uh providing the opportunity here. I don't know if people like you said we'll be able to see this. Jay has an amazing pink shirt on and looks great in. It. Has a great podcast voice, so it's soothing to listen to and this is a this will be a great time. I'm grateful to be here.
Speaker 2:A little bit about me, my goodness, this current stage of life. I am 38 years of age. I did four years in the military. After that, I went to school to be a dietician, quickly learned that was not going to be the path for me, based on where the school system and education system was trajecting dietitians to go Along that way. I found I was doing CrossFit my own and just fell in love with it more and more, and maybe we'll come back to this. But when I was a teenager, my mother planted this seed within me, which I'm so grateful for. We spoke about this recently too. Uh, sean, whatever you do in this life, follow your heart and find a way to uh earn a living or create a living through that through, and it was essentially like follow your passion.
Speaker 2:And uh they were left to me and that that message kind of always stayed. And you know, as I was experimenting with what is this? Where do I want to take my life? In this direction? Um, I'm proud to have served, but I also knew that's not where I was going to spend the majority of my life. And, uh, it just so happens that it ended up being helping other people helping other people and that avenue can look.
Speaker 2:It doesn't need to, it doesn't need to be one specific way. It can be through fitness, through mindset, through nutrition, through, just just in, at this stage of life, just an interaction with a stranger. So, um, to keep it brief, uh, you know, that's a. That's it in a nutshell.
Speaker 1:Yeah, there's already a few things that I want to like chat about and ask you about. Um, the first one it's funny, like I was. You know, facebook does the, the memories, and you can look back on like things that you post in the same day of the years previous. Um, so in a past life of mine, I taught high school. I supply taught high school right and so I'd get dropped into whatever it may be. I mean, it might be a teachable, it might not. You know, I really enjoyed going into phys ed and I really enjoyed.
Speaker 1:You know, sometimes we'd be in the classroom and one of my posts from 2011, may 30th 2011, was I got dropped in to teach like a health and nutrition class I'm sub in for it and it was sort of along the same lines. My post was something to the effect of, like you know, as long as we're putting out these like drug company sponsored food pyramids and like thought patterns, um, like it feels like I'm I'm I'm running a government sponsored ad here, and so I trashed it all and I remember. I remember the school I was at and I remember, like I mean I tried to sort of give like a like a crossfit l1 lecture and and like we got into all sorts of different stuff and like, shockingly, the kids seem to be engaged. I mean, maybe partly that's because, like they're like holy crap, who's this guy in front of me that's passionate about what he's talking about? Like this might be a change.
Speaker 1:Right, not to say this. There's fantastic teachers out there, but I mean there's some of them. When it comes to, like pushing forth that agenda, I mean, like they're just following the playbook, right? Is that kind of what? Like what were your thoughts? And like what, what made you think to yourself like that's not you know, cuz it's, there's a sunk cost. When you go through and you're like, okay, this is what I'm going to be in, starting to project out what your life looks like.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I have a question I want to ask you. I'll answer your question and then, um, if it's okay, I'll ask Absolutely. Um, when I left the military, more things became clear to me in terms of wherever I wanted to go. Um, you know, there's so much great things that came out of that and there was one element of like this other side that maybe doesn't get spoken about in the particular system I was in of like being treated a certain way because you were lower ranking and and somebody speaking to you in a certain way that could even be like dehumanizing, and that never just sat well with me, like always caring about the human. So then, you know, I make this transition to to school. Um, I'm a young 20 year old going to school. Um, I'm, I'm full of passion. I have this wiring and this is going to be part of my question for you this drive to help other people, and I can't quite conceptualize it yet of how or what way, but food.
Speaker 2:I was driven towards food and I could see man being at the front of change and I was brushing up against a lot of resistance, a lot of resistance from the professors. When I shadowed dieticians, I saw a lot of dieticians in the particular system. I was in at the end of the line like checking off that Joe's drinking his chocolate milk, and not really in the preventative form. And I'm not saying there are. I'm sure there's amazing dieticians out there and if, if anyone who is, uh, is listening, you know, kudos to you. Um, later I had found out and this makes more sense, like you had talked about the school system the program itself is funded by big pharma, the food companies. Oh, coincidence, coincidence, um, a lot of things that I think we would relate on in terms of healthy lifestyle, healthy eating, even down to something minutia like fish oil.
Speaker 2:The all these ideas were rejected. Why are we still pushing at this time of my life? Why are we still pushing the food pyramid? Why are we asking for six to 11 servings of, you know, wheat and breads that are that are going to cause us to gain weight or spike our insulin?
Speaker 2:And I was always just met with like hush, hush, hush. No answers, no validity and, um, like you I don't know if you alluded to this like that was a tough pill to swallow of the investment I made that I had to, um, accept, but I wasn't going to keep going down a path that was not going to lead me somewhere that I fully believed in. So I was okay. Like you know what, I'm going to eat that and I will create a different way. And so my question for you knowing a bit about you now, knowing a bit about your vision and your values, and then hearing that there was a former life where you were a teacher, I almost smile, connecting the dots. Yeah, where does that come for you, this wiring to help? Can you root your connection of you? Know it's, maybe it started there and then now it's in this form here and you're also mentoring business owners your father, you help a lot of people and you're spreading your impact throughout the world.
Speaker 2:Can you connect back for you what that's rooted in or where that began or anything? You felt that connection.
Speaker 1:It's tricky man, because it's a powerful and important question and I'm not sure I have a packaged answer for it. I think so. I think I do. So again, what's in my head? I'm not sure there's other facets of it that I'm sure I'll miss, but essentially I grew up as a very sort of shy kid. I just didn't have a whole lot of confidence and like not not in a way that was um, I was confident with my friends. I don't like I was confident in in my abilities, but I was. I was very shy when it came to like the.
Speaker 1:The one that comes to my mind was like we had to do speeches in grade school, right, and like I'm not kidding when I say the whole year to me revolved around that before and after, and after I could just like sigh of relief. You know I freaking hated it and and I just didn't know. I didn't know how to lean into it, right. So there was that whole side of things and there's other, you know, there's probably some other stuff that um. So anyway, when I started getting into um sports and athletics, which was, I was always a about like a sports kid. You know, I grew up playing like soccer and baseball and just I was an athletic kid kind of from the go, also just worked hard. I mean, like I see my, my son, leonardo, who's almost four, like he's just always doing athletic things Like he does, he runs around our house on all fours like parkour style, like he's just he wants to run all the time. Like we just took him to the first week of T-ball and there was four. It was no game or anything, it was just four stations. It was like learning to swing the bat, learning to field a ground ball throwing and then running the bases and all he wanted to do was run the bases right. And like my parents tell me stories that when they bought me a new pair of shoes when I was a little kid, I would run laps of our house. Like we had a house that had like a central staircase and there was laps and I would just run. My dad said always the direction of a track right, so it there's, there's something there.
Speaker 1:But as I started to really get into that and see success, particularly with track, I think it was in grade 10. I won, I won a provincial championship for the first time. It just started giving me this like confidence and sense of achievement and and like I guess people started to notice me, maybe a little bit, like I wasn't a kid, that I didn't, I wasn't the like you know, make myself get noticed in class type thing, like that just wasn't me. Um, if anything, I was the opposite. So, um, yeah, I mean.
Speaker 1:I mean there's a whole other facet of that, that at 41 now and I'm still super active and athletic and everything, but on the tail end of I'm not going to be necessarily getting. I'm trying to hang on to fitness and trying to stay strong and all that. I'm not, I'm not. I don't have this like athletic life ahead of me where I'm going to be peaking to say like I'm trying to say that as a nice way as possible, so I'm.
Speaker 1:I'm like learning as an adult, more like how to have confidence in my character, whereas, like there's there's parts of like learning, growing up and having your confidence based in achievement, like that that becomes true.
Speaker 1:You don't realize it until you're like 35.
Speaker 1:You're like you know, you start to play with you a little bit, right, but, but that's that's where I started to get a lot of confidence from, and so so to tie it back to your question, in a very sort of looping roundabout way, was I look at fitness and like the pursuit of hard physical things as a way as a vehicle for building self-confidence and and and building drive and character traits that are desirable, and you know all sorts of that stuff and I and I, honestly, I it's, it's, it's something that I I've I've been sort of wired to do.
Speaker 1:I guess I feel like I'm like passionate about, but like I, I just I kind of look around, I'm like I don't know what else is better than that in terms of building those things, and so, um, you know, there's a lot of different reasons why I do it, and I never thought I'd open a gym or anything like that. But it's just all these these, these kinds of roads lead you to this, this spot where, like, I guess, I'm opening a gym. Um, but that's that's really the most like when I think of the best moments with somebody, the aha moments, it's when they, it's when their vision of themselves has changed in a positive way. It's not like the strength PRs and it's not like a you know, before and after photo.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, I relate deeply and I I, you know I would encourage when I'm listening to you and I, when I would encourage the listeners to hear themselves in these stories, because I'm sure we all have pieces of ourselves within these, these stories of why you connecting back, why we do what we do now, back then and when I was hearing your story, I heard aspects of myself in that story and maybe you'll hear aspects of you in relating when I, when I connect mine, you know, I think I think back to how I felt when I was a young teenager. Same thing insecurity Went through this transition as a teenager where I didn't have the best guidance or knowledge around food and I was more just, kind of on a whim, doing what, eating what felt good iced tea and pretzel rods. You're a teenager Riding my bike, bouncing on a trampoline life's great.
Speaker 1:Absolutely.
Speaker 2:And what ended up happening to you know, are are what, what my, the sequence of events and you can. Then you go through puberty and all of a sudden, then you get bad skin and, man, you know you're my body, um, the way I was eating I was not. You know I wasn't muscular, I was skinny. And then your hormones are changing and and then, all of a sudden, man that that, looking back, that lacking, confident version of myself, um, he, he didn't put himself out into the world the way that maybe he could have, because he wasn't sure of himself. He was holding back. He felt a certain way about himself and I'm so grateful. I had a uh, when I was around 17,. I had a, this friend of mine who was a year older and he had a um, outside of his, his body, like as an amazing human, and I'm still friends with him to this day, but he had a physique like like Bruce Lee and I remember as a, as a young, scrawny teenager, being like, how, like, wow, how do?
Speaker 1:you do that yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah and um, and I looked up to him. And there was another kid in school too who I looked up to he, but he very differently. He was he too who I looked up to, but he very differently. He was cocky and he thought he was better than people and he treated people that way and that didn't resonate with me. So this Bruce Lee looking friend, he long story short, took me under his wing and he taught me about how to know how to eat, how to, how to exercise, and just like you're mentioning, when I began to feel the confidence rise to put in the practice of, of the work, and saw the change in body and mind and how that just transformed, over years and decades, my life. I think, I think you know I don't want to speak for you, but I can. You know, I would assume there's connections here. That's a gift that now in our thirties and forties we're giving back to people in all age realms.
Speaker 2:thirties, forties sixties, who maybe, maybe it's the mom who's put her, her family, you know, at the forefront and that that's come at the expense of her health and her job, or whatever it may be, or, um, or just the person who never prioritized working out, or who did, but then there was this big gap, or you know, and, like you said, like it gives you this second lease on life, and I can, I can see it within you and hear it within you when you, when you speak about what you do and I know we both have connections too of, like we used to do this at a competitive level, which maybe there is that achievement in there, like just testing yourself, challenging yourself, seeking yourself, and then, as we've evolved past that, and now, as a father, as someone who wants to be active, fit and healthy and strong for life and set a great example, not only for your family, for yourself, for your community, um, and I align with that deeply as well I hear the passion and the vision and the values and I think I would imagine it all stems back from you know those versions of ourselves who we've done the work.
Speaker 2:You know those versions of ourselves who we've done the work and and and created this now version of ourself who's always under construction, but now we can also help people along their journeys too.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's, it's something. Um, it's funny that there was a something that came up in the conversation with John Um. I told him like, if you remember back to like to like um, like MSN and ICQ those days with like the, the first kind of versions of internet messaging, how people had profiles with um, like song lyrics and stuff in it, just something that like resonated with you. Um, I, I had one, and I may have brought this up on a call or maybe you're hearing it for the first time, but so I was like I was a freaking dialed teenager. I mean, there was a lot of shit that I did not have figured out. But in terms of like, so my, my thing and this is I just came up with it myself it said find something you love and do it. Eat healthy, ask questions, complain less. I don't know if I could write it better to this day and this is like at 16 or 17 years old and I think so like there was. This was like always in me and like I was.
Speaker 1:I was a. I wasn't always named a captain of my teams early on because I wasn't the loud one of my teams early on, because I wasn't the loud one, but I would say I was definitely a leader. We were running sprints at football practice. I'm going to lead every single one just because I mean, I was a track athlete too, so I had the ability to do that. But I'm going to show you I am the track athlete. I'm still working as hard as anybody, right, um?
Speaker 1:So I think what there was as we're talking about this, there was like a. There was like a tougher time in the middle there where, like so I went away for school when I was 19 and I moved away, um, and I lived it was probably five and a half hours away from home and very early on I felt that so I had some injuries going into like football training camp and all that which just you know you get there, you realize, like you're now a small fish in a very large pond, the, you know there's, there's, there's parts of just like that level of football mentality, like it's not for the, the, the weak hearted and, you know, thin skinned um, you know if you're, if you're, if you're not cutting it like there's, you don't really get second chances right. So I just remember my confidence really kind of like waning, um, and on top of the fact that I just physically didn't. I had I had a really really bad blew up my ankle really really bad in the spring leading up and I just like I couldn't run. So my, my game was like fast slashing type running style and I just didn't. I had no ability to do that. So I was like, well, I'm undersized for university football so I'm gonna put on some size. So I got wicked strong, but I also went up to like 185 pounds, which was like 20 pounds heavier than I was, and that made me even slower. So again, like once I was like super confident in the gym. You know, I was benching almost 300 pounds in high school and then I got on the field and I was like, oh gosh, like I this, I this, I don't know this body Right. So I feel like that was the start of it.
Speaker 1:But then, the more, the more that university went on, I didn't know what I wanted to do, like I knew I was in kin. So I mean I kind of like that was that seemed just so aligned, like I was very interested in things I was learning about. But then, as it got into like third and fourth year, you're like starting to specialize and start like starting to see a career path, and I just didn't have that. I had no idea what I wanted to do. And then I had some summer jobs where I was like coaching kids and and that's. I was like, well, I could go to teachers college, I mean, that's a in Ontario. It's a pretty good job, like teachers are. I mean, right now I'm not sure I would want to be in a classroom just with the. How the ecosystem of that has changed. But they get paid well, they get lots of time off, you know, generally treated pretty well, great pension, all that stuff ticks a lot of boxes and so I went through for that.
Speaker 1:But like there was this, this, like I was losing parts of myself in a way, like I wasn't. I wasn't necessarily that like when I speak about the, the thing that I said before, when I, you know, when I was like 16, 17, and my, I was set on like making the Olympics and the 400 hurdles like that'll drive you to do a lot Like that's. That's a thing where, like you, you better be on the straight and narrow right, and and so I was, I kind of didn't have that for a while and I feel like there was. You know the whole sequence. It was like moving away from home and like I spent the summers there because I felt like my life was kind of there. Now I just when I look back at it now as a 41 year old I I needed a presence in my life. I think that was like guiding me a little bit and like I don't. I feel like that's probably a very common thing that people sort of lose themselves a little bit in their early twenties, like late teens, early twenties, mid twenties, um and enter, you know, blank, blank, blank enter CrossFit. A bunch of years later and I found a thing that I was passionate about again and then it really when I really sunk my teeth into.
Speaker 1:That was when I said my dad got sick in 2009. I was like maybe six months into CrossFit and he contracted a blood infection at work. Just complete, rare chance thing. Um almost killed him, like he. So I was still in london, ontario, I was back and forth to kingston like five, five and a half hour drive every weekend seeing him in the hospital, um, you know, seeing your dad down to like 120 pounds, like pretty rough. Um, he had a. So when, when you get a blood infection. It's contained as abscesses, right Like it forms like pockets to basically keep everything intact, and some of those had like woven around his spinal cord and so he like at one point four days didn't move because he thought he was going to paralyze himself if he moved. So it was like it was pretty touch and go for a bit. It was pretty touch and go for a bit and something in that.
Speaker 1:In those visits with him I realized I was sort of like I felt like I was wasting my potential, right, and so I had something that I was, I felt like I was passionate about and I felt like I had a lot to give and so I quit the job I was in, I started personal training and just went straight to like helping people.
Speaker 1:You know it was the thing that brought my confidence back and had me feeling good every day. It gave me that sense of achievement and accomplishment every day. And I mean I'm not here to like pat myself on the back, but I was good at it. I was good at it right away, like I can connect with people and I can get them doing the thing and like, yeah, it's hard work. You know you're here cause you probably need someone to push you and you need to be accountable and all those things, right. But, um, yeah, I didn't have a lot of people that like came on and then like stopped, you know. So that's, I guess that that's a, that's a testament to like they're, they're, they're willing to show up with you, right?
Speaker 2:So yeah, Is your dad still with us?
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, he's 73. He's got some lower leg paralysis from the whole thing. So like he was medically retired, which like that, he struggled with that quite a bit I think, more than he would ever live on Like he's not talked about it enough. I think on like I don't he's not talked about it enough. I think, um, but yeah, he's uh, it it did in ways like it softened him for a little while, you know, and then I think he went through different phases of it, right, um, but yeah, that was, that was a long time ago. Now, that was like 16 years ago.
Speaker 1:Um, there was, there was one point, I think it was man, it was uh, it was a few years after.
Speaker 1:So he was a pretty athletic, or like he's a very athletic guy but like not a gym guy at all, and it's funny, like not funny. It's ironic maybe, that it happened in a year that he was like he got into cycling and he was like biking to work and stuff which like that was never him, um, and and then that happened. But a couple years later I remember we showed up at like the family cottage reunion, family reunion thing and he had like he had to walk. He still has to walk with like a brace on his leg and, uh, he brought me. He like he's like, hey, come with me, come with me. I'm like okay, like where are we going? Like you know, you know he's walking slow and we get all the way out to the, to the road, and he jumps, and he jumps this high off the ground, but that was something that he hadn't been able to do in a long time. You know, it was like, yeah, man.
Speaker 2:And he wanted you to see it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah, so he's so. Current state he's uh, he's two and a half weeks out from a double hip replacement, which is actually a really good thing, because the last little while it's been pretty tough. Yeah yeah, him and my mom were in a gym in Kingston training pre COVID and then when pandemic hit, like you know, it's just stuff happens you fall off, you lose your connections, their gym closed. They had a gym that was really good and it was like sort of focused toward like senior right and they just hadn't really built that connection and then, like you know, his hips start giving him problems and just kind of like makes you think you can't do it. Maybe physically actually can't do it right. So I'm hoping this gives him a ton of relief.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so, um, I'm hoping this gives him a ton of relief. Yeah, yeah, I was gonna ask what? What's your relationship like with your parents individually, right? So, like, what's your relationship like with your dad? What's your relationship like with your mom?
Speaker 1:yeah, I mean I don't get asked this often. Uh, like it's I, it's it's great, I don't see them enough, I don't talk to them enough. Um, when I do, I like, yeah, I mean I, I we've, I would like to make like we, they, they don't, they don't travel too much, and I think that's that's probably consistent with a lot of parents like, so they have to come across toronto, which is like that's like a thing that people just don't want to do. It's, it's it's not fun to travel through Toronto. Um, so we go see them quite a bit, um, but yeah, it's, it's great.
Speaker 1:I like to tell you like a bit about my parents. Like I think my dad is the sort of like the, the side of, like the driver and achiever in me type thing, like the pusher. My mom is like the you know, the sweetest person you'll ever meet. Like I think to a point sometimes that like she won't necessarily like she doesn't want to like rub people the wrong way or speak up sometimes, and I think I have some of that in me too. They're great. Not that I could change it, I wouldn't change my parents for anything. They've given me and my brother a great start on life and instilled lots of good values.
Speaker 2:Here's a follow-up um, what's something your dad needs to hear from you that you've held, like you've held on to, or haven't said in a while, or haven't said at all. Dad, same question for mom. I love you. It could be. I never told you this. Whatever, it is what comes to mind with that question.
Speaker 1:Man, I do tell them I love them. I don't know, man, that's a, that's a really like can I share a thought I mean?
Speaker 2:yeah absolutely Go to go to your core, absolutely. You know, you mentioned your dad, you mentioned both. Both your parents have these unique things that um are maybe a bit different, that you see within yourself and maybe those are beautiful gifts, that there's an immense gratitude because when you, when you think about your dad and maybe this sense of this part of him that you know achiever or um competitive or drive, and I connect with that with my father too- yeah, I'm sure a lot of people do and um, for a while I saw it differently.
Speaker 2:I didn't see it as maybe a gift and and um, I think I just was looking at it at a time through a different lens and now I can really see, when channeled correctly, what a beautiful um, what a beautiful gift to to have within self something that you can harness and channel. And I would imagine you relate with this. You just know, you know yourself to be, I can, um, I can do anything I want to set my mind to. I can, you know, I can set forth over here and I know along the way, man, I'm going to learn so many things, become such a better person, whatever that might be.
Speaker 2:And man, maybe that wouldn't have been possible if I didn't have that piece from my dad and then your mom, the sweet side of your mom, that something that I really enjoy about you is you're so open for depth, so open for curiosity and questions, um, like we were talking about offline and just in experiences I've had with you, and maybe that part comes more from mom, and put together you get a really powerful human who, when you can acknowledge those gifts within yourself and then all the stuff you've done too, like it just accentuates but the roots of it, man, maybe I can let mom know this is my gratitude, my thanks, my love for this about her, not about me, but about her, or my dad, or and, or you know both of them, um, and that's just what came up for me just in listening to you here in these, these few short moments, but I'm sure you could go 10 different ways if you wanted to.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah. So, like, this is the type of thing, like for anyone listening to this. This is like when I bring Sean on, I know, I know he's going to do something that just like it, it, it, it gets to your, to your car. Man, You're good at this. Um, yeah, so I think what, while you were thinking, I was, I was listening, I was also sort of thinking about, about those things. Um, so, yeah, my, my, so, my, my dad, in terms of like the getting the best out of me, like there's, there's two, there's two sort of examples of like both sides of that.
Speaker 1:So, like I was an athletic kid, I was not a natural basketball player. It's a sport that, like a lot of kids play growing up. It's like easily accessible. We had a hoop in our you know, double wide garage and we just played all the time. I could jump, I could shoot. I wasn't a great basketball player, I just didn't completely understand the game and like just the moving pieces of it, right, um, I remember drives home from basketball games, just like not being fun, you know, not not enjoyable. Um, again, I can't really remember specifics, but just like, it's like the whole people forget what you, what you say what you, what you taught them, but they'll never forget how it made you feel. Right, those car rides after basketball weren't fun, um, on the other side, uh, I remember.
Speaker 1:So football was something that I was, was maybe, maybe a little bit more. So I was a running back and there was. So this was my last year. It was leading into the city championship and we were up against this team that we played. So my high school football team, we didn't lose in high school, like, we went all the way through. We won our. We won our provincial championship bowl games twice, like we had a. We had a pretty special group of athletes, our provincial championship bowl games twice like we had a. We had a pretty special group of athletes and we were playing this school that we had some history from and like we had some really pretty good games with them and they, they, they had released season stats and they had what was it? Um, they had more rushing yards overall and then they had less points against. On defense Context, I had first-team All-Canada quarterback on my team, so we threw the ball a lot more and I think we were three out of four city All-Stars were our receivers. So we threw the ball a lot and then we had a harder schedule because we'd won the year before and so, basically, whatever all those things be as they were. But there was a quote in the paper that they had a better running game and a better defense, and he literally woke me up with this in my bed reading they have a better running game.
Speaker 1:And you know the old story like you throw that in front of an athlete, it's a challenge, it's a personal challenge, right, and, and I remember, just it's, it's getting my blood going now, um, even like almost 25 years later, right, but like I remember, in warm-ups, like I brought, I brought all of our linemen in real close, grabbing them by the jerseys and stuff. I was like you guys know, when they say that about our running game, that's not me, that's us. And you guys know that we can score from anywhere on the field, at any point, any play, and you do your job, I'll get in there. That's us, right. And so what happened? I scored four touchdowns. One player of the game scored four in the next game in the office of qualifier, scored four in the next game off the bowl game and ended up winning our team MVP over our Stanford-recruited quarterback. It was not expected and it probably, if that three-game stretch hadn't happened, none of that stuff would have happened.
Speaker 1:And there's maybe a little catalyst in there of, like you know, I'm still going to go out and play hard, but like it's, you know what? It's funny, like I have all like this there's, there's a wheel turning here. That's making me a little emotional here. Yeah, there's, I have all of my track medals here. I have them in a box. Right, my dad has that football MVP in his in like a room at home. He kept that one. So that's cool, right, right, um, yeah, so that. So there, there's. There's a little bit of the both sides there. Um, I need to take a breath, gosh you see, do this right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I was gonna so as a friend, as a brother, as a uh. Thank you for sharing that story and amazing, amazing, um, what an amazing outcome from that little seed you're that your dad planted. Like you said, maybe you would have played hard, but what I heard in, even in, in, in listening and watching you share, reenact and share your speech to your team, the grabbing the jerseys, your linemen there was a confidence in a conviction and there was a belief, like an unwavering belief, and regardless of I don't know the delivery your dad made, but he set something in motion, is what he did, and even just being emotional about him, still holding onto that there's, uh, there's love, there's pride, there's joy, like um, through, through what was created. So my challenge for you, and then I'd love to hear maybe one about your mom.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I have another another, another piece to that, to my dad too. But yeah, go ahead.
Speaker 2:Is um, is share that with him today, voice memo, call him and be like. You know I was reflecting on this experience and moment from childhood and you know you set something in motion and and maybe just thank him and maybe maybe, whoever come, whatever comes out of it, and just meet it with love and and and man, I'd love to hear after the fact, like you know, what comes out of it. But just planting that seed to to go, especially your dad, double hip replacement coming he's a bit older, like you know, like that's such a cool story, such a cool, cool story.
Speaker 1:Um, but go ahead, continue. Well, I, I, I, I don't set, I mean, I don't even know if they know I do a podcast, maybe, maybe, um, but I'm going to say I'll send them this one. I mean I want them to hear long form, right, um, so I'll, I'll go on to that. I, you know, I'm going to come back to my question, uh to you, um, so question, uh to you, um, so I'll go on to, like, maybe, the thing that I would say to him that that I have that, maybe that I haven't, um, and so the things for my two parents they're, they're different, which will speak to the different relationship, right? So I remember there was a, it was that it was at that family cottage, it was and was years ago, and it was just me and him, down by the lake on the dock. I can't remember how it came up, but so my parents grew up through the 70s smoke, weed and all that stuff, right, still do to this day quite regularly and hid it from my brother and I during those like school age years and like in in in high school and stuff like that, um, which I, I, I understand, I'm a parent now, I understand that and I, I appreciate that, even Um, but it came, it came up that, like, came up that like he, he, he wanted to make sure I wasn't like disappointed in him. You know, and because you have to imagine the same time you've got this kid, it's like setting a goal to be in the Olympics and like I mean that's a, it's a, that's a stretch goal, but like it's not to say I wasn't somewhere along the path, Like I was.
Speaker 1:I was a pretty good, pretty good hurdler at one point, right, so, um, yeah, and then I told him I was like I'm not, no, I'm not at all, right, um, like I don't want you to feel that way at all, but I guess the the another layer and depth is just like there's things that I understand as a, as a man and as a husband and as a father, that like you could screw up, you know, or and not even to say that that's a screw up, but like you can do things that may be like, and continue to do them, that you're not necessarily the most proud of, or that you don't want to hide from people, or you want to tell, not tell people about, and and I get that and you know I have.
Speaker 1:I have my own my own things as well, that you know I have. I have my own my own things as well, that you know they're they're they're more personal stories, but but like just that, hey, I, I get it and it's okay and, yeah, you're a great dad, yeah, yeah, that's beautiful, that's beautiful and you know it's interesting, yeah, that's beautiful, that's beautiful and you know it's interesting, and I feel this within myself, within you, and I don't know if you feel this is true for your dad.
Speaker 2:I can feel it within my dad. My dad's 20 years older than me, so he's in his late 50s. Me, um, so he's in his late fifties. Um, and I don't I mean no disrespect when I, when I say, when I say this, but maybe a bit more, um, open-minded, evolved thinking, um, and where maybe, you know, even rewind time, like his dad was. You know, I don't know, I don't know what timeframe that is. Like, you know, we're talking world war one and two, like, and then getting older and kind of getting set in some ways.
Speaker 2:And then, um, yeah, when I, when I hear you there and I hear, hear you share there again, listening from hearing yourself and other stories, how beautiful and and and hearing, like, some of the challenges and struggles and beauty that I've had with my dad and um, and I think again, as as fathers and and and role models and um, and just people who are open to communicate about this, um, you know, I'm sure we're going to make mistakes, I'm sure we're going to flub.
Speaker 2:I'm sure we're going to miss the mark and, you know, I think I even I'll share a quick, a quick, brief story about one that I did on on um a recent vacation with our, with our nine-year-old, and it's small, it may sound like nothing, but to me it was big and I also wanted to uh reclaim safety in real time. So I'll just keep this super short and brief, is, um, we had this amazing um vacation rental home in the Poconos in Pennsylvania and it had this outdoor hot tub and, um, me, my fiance, um our six-year-old, uh little girl, were in there and our nine-year-old, he was like you know, he's like taunting and teasing, and so we were playing, like, oh, I'm going to get out and I'm going to throw you in, I'm going to get out and throw you in, and when a little kid's excited, like kind of challenging you, like I dare you to try, and so later I get out and he's running around and he's so proud of himself that he won't get caught.
Speaker 2:So, long story short, eventually I catch him and so I have him, I have him cradled in my arms and, uh, and I was fully committed, like you know, we're, we're, we're in play mode, right, I, I, he's, and he's got like um, a sweatshirt and shorts on and and I, you know, get to the jacuzzi and I launch him in right Like safely jacuzzi, and I launch him in right, like safely, and and me, my fiance, and, uh, little Milo, the six year old, like you know, we're, we're like it's silly, it's a silly moment. It wasn't silly for him. So he immediately, um, had a reaction Like he was, he was upset, like he was crying, he was very upset, upset. He gets out almost like. I haven't heard him like, like, uh, react this way before. And then immediate, like you know.
Speaker 2:So there's this part of me that immediately shows up like we're playing, like you know, just like like yeah, it's no big deal right, it's you know and and, and then just watching his reaction, so I go inside and uh, and then just watching his reaction, so I go inside and I'm processing and he's upset and I'm like, okay, I need to one own that I made a mistake here. I misread the moment. I misread the moment and even if he's not receptive to it right now, but it's a seed and I need to go do my part versus just like, oh, get over it, buddy, or whatever I could be, and so he had gotten changed and he's in the living room now and I didn't even know how I was going to say it.
Speaker 2:I can't regurgitate it the same way, but I go over to him. You know, I didn't even know how I was going to say it, but I don't. I can't regurgitate it the same way but I go over to him, I take a knee and I say something along the lines of like, hey, marshall, I want to apologize to you. I totally misread that. I should not have thrown you in, um, and you know I'm, I'm sorry that I, you know, misread the moment and I, I, I, I made you feel that way. Um, I never want to. I would want to lose trust with you and, um, I'll do better next time. And just like, owning my part, owning my moment.
Speaker 2:And even I go in and I talked to my, my other half, and I'm just like man, I feel so terrible. And she's like it's fine. She's like, and she's she, she's a rock. She's like it's fine, you know, like, and not in a way dismissing it, but just like. And what was beautiful is like. You know, she appreciated that moment, of course, like. Moments later, um, he comes out and he's like, hey, do you guys want to? You know, play play poker Like he's over it, right, and it's so funny Cause, like kids, man, like I have this belief and tell me if you, you agree, like everybody can be our teacher. You know like I'm open, everybody can be our teacher.
Speaker 2:So like in that moment, like he also taught me like Sean, let it go too. Like you don't need to hang on to feeling bad guy, like you know, like he, like you did your part and he's also now gifting you. Like it's okay, like let's, let's, let's go have some fun now, let's go, I'm not hanging on to it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's beautiful Full circle as dads and just like, and people, anyone out there, it's like what's the most loving thing I could do here. And even if I make a mistake, like here's another belief If I do make a mistake, go clean up my mess. Like I'm going to go clean up my mess and I'm going to try to do it as quickly as I can Um, and that's not always fun. Like I understand that, you know. Like making you will make mistakes.
Speaker 1:It's how you show up afterward, of course, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah.
Speaker 1:It makes me think of like, just little times when I have to be a little bit hard on Leonardo and like not, like, I'm not going to break, like you're, you're, you're testing and challenging, which is like, hey, I understand, but like maybe it's a, maybe it's a safety thing, or maybe it's just like, uh, this is not the time for that.
Speaker 1:You know, um, where I'm going to stand my ground and to the point where you know he's upset and he might be right and he might, he might hit me, he might wind up and give me a little three-year-old punch, right, until I just, I'm just, I'm locked on him, on my contact, until he, he breaks, he breaks and he starts crying and saying sorry and and then it's immediately like, come here, right, wrap him up, we're going to talk about it's okay, but now you're in a you're in a state where you can understand, maybe like I, not necessarily not trying to go full logic with a three-year-old, but like now you're in a state where you're more receptive to to me, right, you're not in that sort of like combat, of like not listening, you know yeah, yeah, parenting, um, and just you know, you can think about it, from coaching, like coaching you're to get all sorts of abilities and age ranges and people bringing in their stuff, like we're all bringing into our stuff, into a place where, like, exercising is vulnerability, like man, I'm going to be vulnerable because I'm going to do something hard.
Speaker 2:I may not. What's all the dialogue in my mind, all that stuff. And then you know, you shift to parenting and, um, man, like, when I was listening to you, I was reminded of the application of we have our experience from our childhood and we are, we are bringing that with us and if that's not something that we, or if we want to evolve off of it, like we are in real time doing our work and we are going to make triumphant, like wins, and, like you said we're also going to be are in real time doing our work and we are going to make triumphant, like wins and, like you said, we're also going to be learning in real time what works, what doesn't. We're going to make mistakes and that's where we go clean up our messes. Um, and then you add a partner, like man, like what was, what's Lacey's your? What's your wife? Or my partner what's, what's your, what do you bring into the equation?
Speaker 2:And I would, I would, I would guess I know, for me, man, my partner, it's like yin and yang, like such a counterbalance to like she is my greatest teacher of, of patience, of grace, of all the things in the beginning that were very challenging for me, around the kids, like I just saw this, what I would describe as like excellence and ease for her.
Speaker 2:And then, you know, it was interesting and I'd love to hear your version of this for you, and Lacey, um, and then the things that, like I wasn't honoring, that I was bringing to the table, like this sense of sturdiness, the sense of structure, this sense of um, unwavering strength, or a discipline when needed, or um, whatever it may be, or fun silliness, whatever it is you know. So, and then and then realizing, like we each are bringing these superpowers and then we also have our shortcomings and, you know, working on those, we can really be intentional about how we want to go about this thing, and, and it's an ever evolving thing. So I'd love to hear some of your uh, your like counterbalances of strengths and uh, yours, what you're bringing, and Lacey and uh, and what that union was like when it became our. Now we're parents and we're bringing that together.
Speaker 1:I feel like we're not necessarily like so much counterbalancing, but we're, we're just we're. I feel like we're very aligned, which I could imagine like I don't know it's, it's going to have its own strengths and weaknesses, even within that. But I feel like what we're both quite aligned on is we're, we're both um, I think I talked about like confidence and stuff. I think in, in where we need to be. I think we're both, we've we've learned confidence and where we need to be. I think we're both very confident in in like, say, with that thing with leonardo, like how to go about it. Like there's times when he's just like you, you know it's for the greater good or for the good of him, that like it's it's not time to back down, right, and and I think that, um, I think that we do a good job of like I've never done well with things of like the, because I said so like I that's not how I'm going to do things Like I need to for me to really like sink my teeth into something and believe in it and whatnot. Like I need to sort of understand the why a little bit. I like to be able to ask some questions. So I think, like that aside, I think we're both very easygoing people. You know we don't tend to let a lot get under our skin. And then I also think, just with all of the challenges that we went through to have kids, like there were many times when we weren't sure if we're going to have any and then there were many times when we were pretty certain it was probably just one. And you know I'm talking through losses and surrogacy and all of that stuff. Right for anyone who's listening. I won't go fully into that story, but there's sort of a sense of like, you know. There's sort of a sense of like you know it's like the in fashion thing to talk about sleep deprivation and how hard it is. Wake me up in the middle of the night. You know, new baby keep her up all night. We're, we're incredibly blessed to to be here, you know, and the I, I know that there's going to be things that are challenging, like really challenging that I'm just blindsided by. And like we know it, when, like there's things that start to not go your way maybe, and you know right, but like just I, I look forward to I don't. It's like what's in my mind right now. It's like I don't want leonardo to wake up in the middle of the night with a nightmare, but I look forward to the chance to be dad in that moment. You know if that makes sense. Like I look and I just think of like what's a what's a scary thing right now for a three, almost four year old. There's going to be other things we like to. You know, we talk to them about like it's funny. We found this thing on Instagram and it works absolutely beautifully and I think you have to keep updating the questions. But, like, you ask your kid how was school? Oh, good, that's not how they don't process that. So it's funny. Like we saw this thing.
Speaker 1:Excuse me, what did you do with your hands today at school?
Speaker 1:And he starts talking about I did coloring and I did magnets and I did, and it's just like it prompts him.
Speaker 1:What did my hands do?
Speaker 1:Right, and then, who was kind to you at school today?
Speaker 1:Right, then you.
Speaker 1:He starts talking about his friends and then it's like can you show me something that you learned today? And then he's like, oh, yeah, and he'll. Maybe he'll go and draw something or color something, or he's like you know, or he'll like recite a song or something like that right, but it's like, it's like a prompt and and now, like we've been asking him these questions for a little while now. So he's like you know, what'd you do with your hands today? Nothing, no, no, no, no, no, no, what.
Speaker 1:And then I, I, I, uh, I just switched it. I was like what did you do with your feet today? And so fast, and like I raced this person and this, it's just like you. There needs to be like little different prompts to get them going right. Um, so yeah, it's just. It's just finding, like finding those moments and we're, I think, in this day and age, like you can really lean into, like there there's a resource for everything. You just have to find it. You just have to be willing to go out and kind of search for it and maybe know the the to ask, not necessarily the answers you're looking for, but the right questions to ask.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's beautiful. I'll share with you, because you have slightly younger ones right now, and I'll share. And again, for the listeners, right, whether you're parents or just take from this what you will. Two quick things. I think these are just beautiful and they make me so proud of our kids. Uh, so our kids love to do what we call Royal rumble.
Speaker 2:So we have a nice super King bed and like we do this like play Russell, where like you're trying to knock the person off the bed, of course with like care, and like you're not launching them off. So, but but I was like man, I want to be really intentional about this. So, um, I was like, okay, before and and we'll do like 10 matches. Before every match we're going to shake hands and we're going to say good luck, good match, good game. And that was the beginning part of it of just like being kind in the beginning, right. And then we've since added to it where, um, we'll all do that to each other, and then then we'll add I added this one, and now they do it and it's their memory of it.
Speaker 2:It's just beautiful. They're like, um, I'm going to the, the BGs, I'm going to be grateful, be good to one another be a good sport, and like it's this wiring, right? So again, like planting seeds of we're about to do something and it's going to be physical and it could get a little, could get a little hairy at times, right? So like when somebody does, you know, I don't know something goes a little sideways ethos of like let's be a good sport, or like the, the quick to apologize or own your part or whatever it is, and then, um so yeah, something to come back to yeah, exactly, and then, and then, if we're not upholding it, like if it's not being upheld, hey, we're not going to.
Speaker 2:We're not going to do this Cause you know we shook hands, that we're going to be good sports, be be grateful, and we're going to be good to one another, and that's not happening right now. So we exit it and that's also a, you know, a part of it. And then another little nugget that I think is so powerful and I think of, I thought of your, your son, when I was thinking of this our little girl, her birthday, her sixth birthday, just happened, and I love five and six year old timeframe, it's just beautiful. And I was telling my fiance. So we got her trampoline and there's a trampoline in the basement and I told her I was like, hey, I have this vision for what I want to, you know, add to her birthday. So it's five o'clock, they they're going to have a full day of school, there's baseball, so they're not going to get this like day for for her that we were kind of hoping to create. So it's five o'clock in the morning, she's up, it's her birthday. She's so excited.
Speaker 2:The day before I got these colored paper and I wrote these I am statements that she knows herself to be on them and I put them on every stair on the way down to the stairs. So she wakes up and, okay, we're going to head down to the basement and there might be a present down there for you for your birthday. And she's all excited. The house is decorated and I was like, but before we do that, can I take a moment to remind you who you are? She's like, yeah, so she opens the door and she sees these I am and it's like right all the way down the stairs, like the first one, I am loved. And she, as she's going, she reads them out loud I am a great sister, I am strong, I am kind, I am grateful and like. So she reads them all the way down the stairs, like very just, like there's something coming, like a present, and she's undeterred by like reading and absorbing all these is beautiful.
Speaker 2:She sees the present, she's so excited on the way up she takes them all all the way up the stairs, grabs them all and then reads them again one more time and, um, you know, again I just think about that of like planting those seeds, of of wiring, of like our, our kids of like who you know yourself to be. You know yourself to be brave. So when she, when, when it's nighttime and she's a little afraid of the dark, it's like we draw back on these things of like who's brave, I'm brave, you know. It's like these little beautiful moments like who's a great sister, like I'm a great sister, and just like these anchoring moments, um, and that's been a really fun process within just parenting of like you know it's endless of what you can create yeah, my, where my mind went there was um, we have leonardo and kids strong, if you've heard.
Speaker 1:it's like it's like crossfit gym for little kids. Basically we've had him in that for it's been a while now. Um, sometime when he was two, we, we joined and they have a mantra. So, like there's they, they play and they do obstacle courses and races and challenges, climb and jump and all this stuff. Um, but they also they name a class captain every time there's a lot of kids that just they won't go up. They won't go up, no, no, no, no, no, and they hide in mom and dad's arms and then it's like, pick another one, pick another one, and and I see, I see mom and dad leaning into that and protecting and like over and over and over, and like there's, you know, I'm not saying not my place, but like there's moments in there to to teach, to get through some of that stuff. You know, because, like there's, you know, they, they call Leonardo up and he, like he, he does things, man, that he, he, so example he's, he's, he's been in daycare for a little while, like the preschool right type thing, and he's going into junior kindergarten in September.
Speaker 1:So they had an orientation at his new school, um, two weeks ago maybe, and within, so that we walk in. It's a big school, like it's a, it's a good size school. There there's like six classes of JK, sk, right, and so there's always the administrators and the principal. We didn't know it was at the time, but the principal at the school is in the foyer welcoming everybody and within 30 seconds of walking in the building he is singing a duet of the Circle of Life from Lion King with the principal and there's moments with this I'm just like who are you? But it's beautiful. Like where did this come from? That wasn't me, that wasn't Lace, I don't know where it comes from, but the Kid Strong stuff. So there's a mantra that they have them do. They have to stand up, they have to flex their arms, they go. I am strong, hands on the hips, I am brave, two thumbs up, I can do this. And they have to repeat it many times through the class and it just like it just drills it in. Like we're playing on some like mario game on the nintendo switch and there's a level that he couldn't do. Um, total aside, like I didn't play video games when I was three years old, like they weren't like. I think I got a nintendo when I was six or something like that the, the whatever, manipulation, hand-eye coordination, understanding of the puzzles and everything in it, like the amount of. He didn't know what to do at first. A month later, he's just like it's unbelievable to watch the, the progress and whatever. But, um, he hands me the control. He's like I can't, do't do this, and so I did this one part. It was like a couple of tough jumps or something. And he goes. He's like, well, that was the bravest thing I ever seen. Okay, that's great, that's great. Um, I want to jump back.
Speaker 1:So you asked me about mom and dad and I haven't told your mom yet. I haven't told your mom yet. I haven't told you the thing that I would say to mom. Right, so that was still. I just realized that was still in my mind. So that thing that I told you about in the high school find something you love and do it, eat healthy, ask questions, complain less. The complain less. That comes from mom. I never saw her complain about anything. You know, and whether you have things to complain about or not, some people complain and others don't, right, and and um, that's something I've tried to take with me.
Speaker 1:Um, we did Murph on Monday and I've been complaining about how my lats feel the last couple of days and Lace has been reminding me, like you're complaining a little bit right, but like, yeah, I mean growing up like there was a lot put on her. I mean she, you know, it's like raising kids in the in the eighties, nineties, like mom, mom is more like my mom stopped. You know, she, she took time away from work and she basically ran a daycare out of our home and had a bunch of kids and took care of them all so she could be home with us and, um, we were a one car family for a long time and when she did go back to work, she, she busts, like she do bus transfers and go to work and everything, um and and. So there there's a strength, there's like a strength there and but she's like, she's like five, one, 110 pounds, like she's she. You don't necessarily you don't look at someone and see, like physical strength, like it's not the package that you think of when you think of strong, but there's a strength, there's a strength there. And then there's also, I mean, she's been through like when I was in high school, so she's the oldest of.
Speaker 1:She had a sister and a brother. She, she's the oldest of, she had a sister and a brother and when I was in high school, all within the same year, um, she lost both of her parents and her sister to suicide. Wow, yeah, um and her sister had lived with us for a little while, probably a year, and when I was in high school, to like sort of, again, I'm young, I'm not sort of like as understanding of all these things as a 17 year old, 16 year old as I am, you know, at 41, with a family and everything but, um, you know, just to help her try to sort of get back on her feet, right, the direction of her life, right, but, um, what I would say to her is like there's, I've heard my, so my, my dad grew up with um, two world war, two vets as parents, so that's a, that's a whole different life. Um, british, uh, my, my, my grandfather was at dunkirk, if you know much about world war ii, um, and there's, so you know, I've heard sort of remnants of like my dad, like, like you don't, my grandfather passed away when I was four, but like you don't ask him about the war type thing, like that was sort of the you know. So it was like this like don't talk about it, right.
Speaker 1:And then I've heard my parents sort of talk about my mom's side of things. It was like don't talk about it, whatever. It was Like not the war, but like just, you know, sweep it under the rug or whatever type thing. And I remember I've talked to Lacey about this.
Speaker 1:I've never talked to my parents about it, but when all of that happened, like I didn't go to the funerals of my grandparents I don't even know really what happened completely Like they were in Toronto, yeah, it, just there. So yeah, and same thing with my, my aunt, you know, obviously it was very sad, like a lot of very sad times, and just like I, just that's a lot, it's a lot for my, my mom, to like that's, that's pillars of her life, right, um, and so I guess, like the thing that, the thing that I would say is like they're, you know they're, and through my dad getting sick and everything, like I, I honestly think that like that time, like he went through a lot, I think being the partner of that might even be harder, right, like you know what I mean like. Like I think as a partner, you'd watch your partner and be like I would trade places with you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know so there, there's there and so like, just with all all of like you know, and I, I know my brother and I would kind of like chicken on her, ask how she's doing, but I guess what I would say is like you know, you don't have to be strong all the time. You know the whole like it's okay to not be okay and there's no way that you've been okay the whole way through.
Speaker 2:There's no fucking way, yeah, as you share. What's your mom's name?
Speaker 1:Diane.
Speaker 2:I hope Diane listens to this. Through what you shared, I can't imagine the strength it took to continue with a level of grace and humility. And you mentioned, like your mom, one of the core attributes is could have complained about a lot and we just heard a lot of things, not to say to complain, but that could pull you in a direction of life where it would make sense why someone would be in the dumps looking at it, whatever it would be. And I'm not getting that impression from what you're sharing about your mom, but I'm getting a quiet inner strength that, through a lot of hardships, stayed the course. Lot of hardships, stayed the course, um, even when it probably wasn't easy. And holy smokes, what an example. That example and an impression that that has left. It's clearly impacted you. It's impact, it's through you now to me, to people who are listening, who are to open to that of what's possible man that's beautiful and, if anything, maybe acknowledging the we don't know what that's like your mom does, and your mom possessed a level of strength and grace and elegance and beauty to continue on and to continue, probably in a way that you know her to still be very special and didn't bring her to the depths of losing to you, to, you know, to, to her sons, um, wow, talk about strength, you know, and and imagine, imagine, imagine her son voice, text in video, call, in whatever, and just acknowledging that, looking for nothing in return, just honoring how strong of a role model she is. And I and I, I bring that up and and what a beautiful human. What a beautiful human.
Speaker 2:I bring that up because imagine having that mentality of who can I love a bit more today, who can I acknowledge a bit more today?
Speaker 2:And you could start with your inner circle, your parents, your wife, and that can slowly branch out to a childhood friend or someone you haven't spoken to a while, or a person of your gym, and just acknowledging something that we see within them, and it could be deep in the history, like you mentioned with your dad, or this very powerful way of being that your mom has, which is just extraordinary, and it doesn't need to be that, but man, that's beautiful.
Speaker 2:And to get that out of nowhere of an acknowledgement because we, the person seeking, how can I go out into the world today and give the gift of acknowledging or love, or just sharing something that I know to be true man, what would she feel like in hearing that from her son or your dad? I, I know you like a challenge. I encourage and challenge you past the past, the, the um, the podcast, for sure. But man, just that that extra touch of from from son, from you, um, that's love and uh, I really appreciate you sharing both of those stories about your dad, about your mom. They're beautiful, they're deep, they're rich and I feel like, as I close my eyes, like if I was at a campfire with you and your family, these stories would just be, we'd be in tears. They're just because they're so powerful.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Thank you. Yeah, when I think of like some of the maybe the I hadn't think of, like some of the you know, maybe the that I hadn't thought about, like some of the strength that gets passed on, um, it's, maybe it's a it's not the same as, obviously, anything that she's gone through but like when I think of the initial moments of when pandemic hit and are in like this thing that we'd built being shut down right, I remember there's a conversation I had with lacy, like it was like a couple of days in and and she was sort of more on the end of like, like, like what do we do? Like what can we possibly do, and and I remember just there was just no inkling of like, of like quit, or there was just like we figure it out, we're here, we figure it out, we're up against the wall right, and as I talk through that, like that's, that's kind of, that's one of the places my mind, my mind went with that I want. So I'm going to, I'm going to throw it back at you and ask you a question. So, even when you, when I, you know, hey, intro yourself.
Speaker 1:Most people go to intro themselves. You spent 30 seconds saying some nice things about me, and every time that we interact or I see you interact with people, you take the time to do that. It looks like you don't. It's a thing that I think anybody would think like. I want that in myself. I want that to be a characteristic of myself or something that I do, and it's just a thing that, like it's just it's not, it's not hard, it's not hard to do. It's just like just don't do it Right. So like where does that come from? Have you always been that way?
Speaker 2:Right. So, like, where does that come from? Have you always been that way? No, and I appreciate you. Um, it's noticeable. I appreciate, yeah, I appreciate you recognizing that and and what awareness you have. You know what a what a gift.
Speaker 1:See there, it is right there.
Speaker 2:Um, it's, it's come into my practice more so recently, um, spending time, um, seeing the gold in others and acknowledging the gold in others, and giving myself the permission to recognize that first, and and in the belief of just spreading more, more love into this world in terms of we're here having a conversation Well, this wasn't just out of nowhere. You, you and I were. You know we've, we've connected and, and you know we were connecting recently on a, on a different zoom, and you messaged me and you said, hey, I'd love to connect further and I don't want to miss over that goals. I don't want to. I want to be the, the I think about every day with intentionality. Who do I want to be more of? And and um, and their, their, their aspects of self appreciative, grateful, working on my shortcomings and not missing the gold in others. Everybody has gold and being deeply grateful and looking for it, looking for it and sharing it, from moments like this to when I'm about to. Later this afternoon, we'll go to a baby appointment and I'm going to seek it out at the receptionist. Maybe she's kind, maybe she's super thoughtful, and if she's not, then she's, you know, super thoughtful, and if she's not, then of course you know it's, it's, it's not available. Maybe our doctor has been phenomenal with our, with our care up to this point and I think, just bringing that more to the conversation again, connecting as a human, and, and I think it, uh, it brings us in, interconnected in a way that is genuine and real and uh, and that's where I love to live, like I, I love depth, I love beneath the surface, I love what's real. Um, and you know, um, and I'll share this.
Speaker 2:I was connecting with a friend about acknowledgement and he, he same thing kind of pointed that out and he was like he was sharing his struggles with it and and when we got deeper about it, his struggles of it um, he was very honest were about, like, the insecurity he had within himself to do that to other people of, like, what's it going to be perceived as? And and and and whatnot. And we had a great talk about it and I think, when you were, when I, I removed that, like I remove, I don't have expectation of what I need, jay, to think or be like, I just I'm genuinely going in with no, like you don't have to. Um, oh, thanks, man, but when you're most of the time, what, what you'll see that happens when it is synergistic and sincere and authentic and real Beautiful things come out of it and maybe, yeah, maybe, maybe, maybe, like you pointed out, maybe you go acknowledge people more or we acknowledge people more and, if anything, I would encourage people who, if that resonates like man, it feels amazing, it feels amazing to give, it feels amazing.
Speaker 1:Absolutely.
Speaker 2:Like you giving me that back, I was like man, I've worked hard at that. I work hard at that to remind myself and to always aim to acknowledge first and aim to see the golden others. So I think that's beautiful Um and uh and thank you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you do, you do you do a really good job of it. Like it's, it's, it's something that it comes off. It like comes off. It is very authentic, like even when you, you know, in the, the breakout groups and that in the calls that were on on the Wednesdays, like it's go around the room and like you know, people kind of jump right into their, their thing or like how their week's going or this and that, and like there's, you know, you bring in it like hey first of all, hey, welcome, beautiful people.
Speaker 1:First of all, like I just want to you know, like it's good man, like it's, it's a kind of energy that it brings people up. It's pretty cool and it's funny that the conversation that you mentioned with your friend, like like I do I do that sometimes like not to say what he did, I think I think how he is a sort of like that's when I think of like younger me, that's me, like I'm just not going to say anything, cause, like how am I going to be perceived? And like I don't want this person to think that I've been noticing them and analyzing them and judging them and paying attention to the right. Like, just so I just go, I just won't say anything, right, and and you're, you're giving your passing on making someone feel amazing, right, if, if it's done well and obviously it's skill that, like you know, you sharpen the axe every time um, but I'm, I'm that's another I'm incredibly grateful of like the person that I get to be in my gym. I'm like the mayor of my gym, right, walk up and down class and shake hands and kiss babies. Right, like it's I say that jokingly, but like that's, that's, that's my role, and I mean mean I'll, I'll be honest.
Speaker 1:There's times when I play small dirt. There are there's times when I, I, I'm like you know what I'm a I need to, I need to kind of get myself just a little more connected, for whatever reason. It's nothing that anybody else has done. There's just times where, like I, just I pull back like anybody else. Right, I've, I've, I've felt that even recently not not in my gym I've, I've, I've been quite, quite active there and and everything, um, but just I, I felt like I've pulled back a little bit from um, communicating in the two bringer but you might have seen my post about that like, hey, I'm gonna, I haven't been posting bright spots as much and like there's no reason other than I've been working through some stuff that that um, nothing, nothing deep or heavy or anything like just like, uh, like I, I, I sort of screwed up and forgot to put enough personal tax money aside, and so I've just this, like I've been sort of like working through that and been sort of strapped and tight with things, and just like it plays on my mind that, like you were responsible for this, you screwed this up and just like it's this, this, this sort of negative thought loop that like, oh you know, like I just it pulls you away, right, it's, the whole point of posting bright spots is to like look for the positive and rewire that stuff, right, um, so, like someone, I've been posting those things for like the better part of 10 years and I still go through little like ups and downs, um, but yeah, I'm super grateful that, like I get to be, I get to be that person that I can walk up to anybody in the gym and just be like hey, you remember when we met like three years ago, like I'm so freaking proud of you.
Speaker 1:You know, like look what you can do now, or look at that thing you just did, or like even just recognizing how they show up for other people, like you bring an energy to this class that like it's needed. Yeah, you know, and and and I get to do that without like a second thought of it being weird or whatever just cause like that's who I get to be, but like it's not weird because I mean you, I'm sure you can give me examples right now of people in your gym that are that person in a one way or another that bring that elevate everybody else. And then there's maybe they weren't at one point. Now they've decided to, they've made changes and worked on themselves and be the you know, and now they're perceived differently by other people, in such a positive light, you know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, jay, one of the goal that I didn't want to step over, and I hear this in you and I.
Speaker 2:If it's an opening, I will plant the seed because I'll share a story. I used to be extremely hard and critical of myself, from mistakes or whatever, just just really rough internal judgments, and, um, I spent a good portion of last year really learning and leaning into this practice of honoring self-forgiveness, and what came up for me in hearing that for you, because I relate so strongly to like you mentioned, like the, the, maybe the, the misstep with the personal tax or whatever is um, working to forgive myself faster and not to say that. You know, I didn't just planting a a, a, a thought out there. We are going to, as, as humans, we're going to miss, we're going to like we talked about earlier, with parenting or this tax thing, or coaching or, or spouse or whatever it may be, or even I love the idea that you're you're mentioning of like you know I, I'm this person in my gym. Well, you cultivated that, you created that. You are that right.
Speaker 1:And there's great. That's where I want to be, that's how I want to show up.
Speaker 2:And there's going to be times that you or I may not be able to show up like that. Our bandwidth is low, our whatever it is, and it's okay, and it's okay. Or you overreact at the garbage man and you're like oh man, like I was a total, I was so rude. And you're like oh man, like I was a total, I was so rude. And you're like I got to forgive me first and I got to work that process and I think the more we can readily work on that and then over time at speed, it creates more room for love. It creates more, more opening for what's real out there in the world, of what you're mentioning, of like man, I can be authentically me, and authentically me today is I'm at lower capacity and that's okay. I need to reserve that. Like you mentioned, um, I need, I need some solo time or whatever Cool, or um Friday on partition Murph, maybe I am still recovering psychologically. Cns, uh, I didn't get a nap in. You have a newborn. There's so many things at play. I'm doing my best. I'm doing my best Each day, each fresh new day. We get to create who we want to be.
Speaker 2:I think what I hear in you capturing is when I'm in my business and when I'm in my establishment. This version of me is who I love to be the most cool, like well, what about that guy? What about that? That energy, like you're caring, you're a role model, you're a leader, you're a guide, you're you're inquisitive, you're the seer. You see in them things they don't see. You see, like three years ago you wow, like look where you are. Yeah, I relate strongly with that. Um, I think those are beautiful gifts and I think the air, the other areas where maybe we're not talking about man, like the stuff we're harder on ourselves, the stuff that we judge ourselves on, I think those are the places to capture and and and start to rework. You know, like um and and start to reap, reprogram and be intentional there and I think through that I'm not just operating at, on this default brain, I'm being, I'm creating who I, who I aspire to be each day and I'm going to land more towards that. Like your son, I am strong, I am brave, like that.
Speaker 2:You're seeing that show up in problem solving with a video game Amazing. You're seeing that show up like with singing unhinged with his um, his principal Amazing. And and it's a, it's a teacher, like we talked about. Like your, your, your best self is without rules or limitations. Or like who I think I need to be. It's like I'm going to sing and I'm going to sing with this stranger. We're going to have the best time. It's like what a gift he gave you and you just gave all us by sharing that like being versus like. What are they going to think about me? What are you going to think?
Speaker 2:about me what are you gonna think about my voice? What like are they gonna laugh at me? It's like I know, not even a thought, just like the circle or whatever you know.
Speaker 1:Yeah, man, I know, I know what a great teacher, what a great teacher yeah, that's, that's. That's cool, man. Um, as so there was more jumping back into, like I mentioned, the gym closing, the pandemic, and the strength to show up right, seven miscarriages, our dog drowning, those times, like there's a lot of thoughts about those times, but they taught me a lot that. Like they taught me that everybody's got stuff going on that you don't know anything about, right, and it just opened my eyes a little bit more to people you know, and that, like, just a very simple example is like just just watch someone's posture and face as they enter the gym or come into your space, you know, within 10, within 10 feet of you, like you have to react to, to, to how that person is doing, and there's there's, you know, it's the, the, the, the adage of, like you know, if the only tool you have is a hammer, everything's a nail and that's just that just doesn't work, right.
Speaker 1:So, um, it taught me, it taught me about that.
Speaker 1:And then it also, I mean, it taught me in a way, this that I don't know if this will come out quite right, but just like the world goes on in a way, and that, like I don't I don't want to say this the wrong way but like nobody cares.
Speaker 1:You know in in a way that like I have responsibilities and I have things to do and I have ways to show up for people and if, and not to say that those people aren't there for me and wouldn't be there for me and wouldn't be there to help or listen or whatever we provide a service. And you know you can through through, through isolated things that are, but eventually, if you sort of take your finger off the pulse and you stop taking care of people and you stop making those things a priority, they're not going to be there anymore. Stop making those things a priority, they're not going to be there anymore. You know, like that's that's how your life gets off track, right, and so I guess that's that's the again the strength carry over from like I guess you know, seeing, seeing my mom operate.
Speaker 2:What an amazing role model Diane was, because I, when you shared about the miscarriages and I had no idea about the dog drowning and and, and and and a million other things I don't know about in terms of pain and grief and all the shame and all this stuff, um, man it it like, if you allow it, like that strikes you deeply and you feel that and I I could feel that for you. Um, and again, I thought I thought back to your mom. Like you mentioned, your mom had gone through all these extremely unfortunate, challenging experiences, and so have you. So I have, in my own way, and the listeners, um, I was actually going to ask you a question earlier that um circled back around. If you're open to it is um. What did you learn about your wife during that time? Because, um, I can't even imagine um, the strength that she must have to um have gone through these experiences to hope is questioned.
Speaker 2:Faith is questioned, could be questioned Um her body, her mind all of it, all of it all of it man and now you have two beautiful children. Um, you know, so like there's power in that story and there's power in you, and there's power in her, so I'll I'll ask again Um, I'm sure you learn many things. What jumps out of what you really learned about your wife through all that?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean, first of all, it wasn't just like things not working out over and over again, it was like it was a condition that was there that we didn't know about. So it's called like she's super open with this, so it was called unicorni uterus. So basically, like the left side of her um reproductive system just hadn't developed the same way. So like there was no like left ovary there, she left kidney, no left kidney. Like she found this out at 32 years old, after, I think, four miscarriages and and and it was, I mean, gosh dude. There were there were times this is hard to say, cause, like I don't want someone who's in a similar position Like it's, it's just, it's just hard, I mean but thoughts of like being 60 years old and like there's no family around you, man, like I don't know what that looks like and that's not what I want and that's not what we ever wanted. And that was a a very real potential path that we were looking down and and we were looking at like we looked at every freaking option, man. We looked at surrogacy, adoption. You, if you learn about things that you just didn't know about, you know, like there's all sorts of things that you would have no reason to know about, right, and so so what I learned about her man, um, it uh, there, there, I mean, there were challenging times, for sure, and all of that, um, I think, I think I want to say that it, it brought us closer in ways that, like you know, like I remember telling her, like you're enough for me, if that's how this goes right, wow, and which I, it's true, and I truly believe. And, like you know, it's not to say that we have, we haven't had our, our challenges and I haven't, like not shown up in ways that I, I, I need to, um, you know, but that's just a, that that's a relationship of 18 years, you know, like there's there's ups and downs, um, but yeah, just uh, she's I, I I'm privy to like watching her go through all this stuff. She's the strongest person I know, man, she, and this is the, this isn't. I don't want this to come off as like a physical strength and like crossfit, blah, blah, blah. But like after the fourth or was it before, after the fourth third, you lose track at some point after one of the miscarriages, like her body is still, it doesn't just like stop, your body thinks it's pregnant for a while. Like it's. It's yeah, it's complicated.
Speaker 1:There was a spot that came up in a competition that I did in 2019 and she's like, well, I guess I can do that now, kind of like you know matter-of-factly and hadn't competed in this was so fun to watch, dude. So she signed up as Lacey Rhodes right, she was legit back in the day. Like she was, I think, 17th in the World Wide Open in 2013. Like, she had some of the best gymnastics in CrossFit period. She was always up against Michelle LaTondra and Camille for two spots in canada east and they were just like they had that stuff too. And then they also had the engine. That like she was.
Speaker 1:Like she was a better weightlifter and I, I don't know if you can say better gymnastics, but like she was there, man, um, so anyway, she that was. She was Lacey Vandermere back then, so there was a. So when she, when she signed up at this, uh, there was a girl that was like a top 10 regional athlete at the time in 2019. And um, lace took it to her weeks after a miscarriage, weeks after, like the and the. The events could not have lined up like it was. It was almost funny at first. Like the first event, this girl demolished. It was like front squats and handstand push-ups. It was like, oh my god, right.
Speaker 1:And then the second workout came up. It was like something to do with legless rope climbs and this girl didn't pace it right and lace did and it was like this overtaking in the last few minutes it was like, oh my god. And then the next one came up and I can't remember what it was, but she beat her on it. And then it was like the third the. The next one came up and it was max bar muscle ups in one minute, one minute rest into max snatch and she's she was like the national record holder and snatch like that. She was like that was her thing, and so we were almost laughing that like this girl you could tell she's like who is this right, because the names didn't line up or anything.
Speaker 1:And uh, and then the lift comes up and she just let this girl go first and then, whatever she did, she put a little bit more on the weight, more on the bar, just nailed it and it was like at me it was just going through what we had just gone through, watching her just like go and do her thing and like you could tell, like she no, we're not thinking about any of that stuff on the day of and just watching her go get a win and she like won the competition, which was like wildly unexpected.
Speaker 1:Then we went off to Hawaii the next day and it was, it was awesome. But but yeah, through that whole thing, just like there were, even through the appointments to, like you know, once her so her sister Heidi, carried Leonardo through all of that, which is that's a whole nother story. But like she had to go through all of the procedures to like the egg retrievals and stuff like that, I would just drive there and drop her off and then I know she's in this building having god knows what happening and and I'm just out there and like I'm not even allowed to be in there because of the pandemic times and stuff like that. So it was just like, yeah, she's strong man.
Speaker 2:You know well. Thank you for sharing, hearing and seeing and feeling the joy in you relive and share that story. I can only imagine like it was great just to be the receiver. I can only imagine if she was the receiver. So again, your dad, your mom and man, imagine just going back. Even though maybe she's heard you've said this story a thousand times.
Speaker 2:Just I think again and you mentioned something earlier and, um, it might allude me right now of like, um, oh, a lot of us are, are all of us are walking around with with our own challenges and stuff we've been through Absolutely. And then that ties back to the. To me, the acknowledgement, right, and it doesn't need to be fancy or new, or like oh, Right, and it doesn't need to be fancy or new, or like, oh, I love your shoes. It's like I was reflecting on the incredible strength that I can't even fathom it took. And you sharing the way you just shared that amazing story, cause, you're a great storyteller.
Speaker 2:And then Hawaii, and I'm sure there's stories or whatever in Hawaii, and just like, and just you know, just sharing that with love and I don't need anything from it. But you're just again, you're just putting that out there and um again that that idea, that notion of just spreading more love, and it's a, it's a loving memory that I hear. It's from a question that was very, you know, from darkness, and like we brought it, got brought back to love. You brought it back to love through like wow, like that's beautiful, or the stuff earlier from your parents, like it brought back to love and your mom and the strength, and then, through your hard time, it's like that's all around us. That's all around us from the depths to like you walk into the grocery store and you smile at the person ringing you up and you see their name tag and you're like hey Susie, how was your day going?
Speaker 2:And they're like okay. And you're like awesome, like what time do you get off shifts? And they're like three o'clock, what are you going to do? And then you, but you just care and be curious.
Speaker 2:And maybe that person's day is a little bit better, because they're just not a robot who's just checking your, your food, and that's available within all of us at all times, from you and me jumping in those tanker zooms and acknowledging the room or, um, everything in between and everything we experience in our days. And, uh, man, you shared some beautiful stories here today, I think.
Speaker 2:I could only imagine the if my cup is full from them. I can only imagine the, the, the people who they're actually about, your mom, your dad and your wife, like what would that feel like? To even the emotion, like I got emotional and I wasn't.
Speaker 2:I'm just you know. So, man, if you do, I and I really hope you do share with them. Um, I would love for you to just text me how it felt to share, not what you got, Cause that's not what it's about, but just like it just feels good to do that for people Like I love you mom, I love you dad, I love you, you're your wife and um and uh, and you know, there's a beautiful thing in that too is the universe is special and I bet you that'll come back around, brother, you know, yeah, man.
Speaker 1:I've really enjoyed this. I knew I would I have on this monitor up here some prompts and stuff, but I have a feeling that we're going to be bouncing back and forth. I was like you know what, feel free to ask me some questions, but that's just you, man. Kudos to you. I've really enjoyed this. I hope people enjoy listening to it. I mean, people have listened to I think this is going to be some episode in the seventies. Um, there's a little bit more about me right, Jay.
Speaker 2:Thank you for your time and all your shares, brother.
Speaker 1:I appreciate you, man.
Speaker 2:I appreciate you.