Gratitude v. Desire: Why You Feel MESy AF This Holiday Season

In this solo holiday episode, Jojo dives into the chaotic collision of gratitude and desire and why you might feel mentally, emotionally, and spiritually off during a season that’s supposed to be all about appreciation. From social comparison and family pressure to spiritual disconnect and the guilt of wanting more, Jojo breaks it all down in classic Inside Out fashion.

If you’ve ever felt torn between being grateful for what you have and still craving growth, change, or more, this one’s for you. This is your permission slip to hold both appreciation and ambition without guilt. Because gratitude doesn’t mean settling.

Let’s get MESy AF, together.

Thank you for listening! Don't forget to follow along on social media @_insideout.podcast, rate and review. And Join the MESy Mailing List for exclusive content, insights on what is coming up and more!

Transcript

Jojo (00:07.321)
Welcome to the Inside Out Podcast. I'm your host JoJo and this is where we will navigate the mess together. That is mental, emotional and spiritual. Let's get messy.

Jojo (00:25.327)
Hello, welcome back to Inside Out. If you're listening around the holidays or this Thanksgiving season, happy Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is such an interesting time and I think being in the holiday spirit can mean different things for different people and also being around family can mean different things for different people. But a lot of us are with our families for the holidays.

And sometimes that's a very positive thing and other times that can be a very difficult thing. So I want to acknowledge the duality of holidays and how that can again be a very happy time and also can be stressful. I feel like there's a lot of paradoxes when it comes to the holidays and really how it's navigated. And that's why I wanted to talk about this because I think, I think Thanksgiving specifically is such an interesting

time because we're always told, know, be grateful and what can you appreciate about this past year and give thanks and give back. And I wanted to kind of break this topic open, maybe in a way that you've heard it before and maybe in a different way. But I think there is a lot of stuff that comes up in the holidays, including emotional triggers, family dynamics.

but I think that ultimately might cause a spiritual disconnection. And I want to empower us more and maybe find a more grounded and nuanced perspective so that we can sort of deal with and understand gratitude more and appreciation, but also that on the other side of those things, there is still desire. Now, while Thanksgiving is a time for connection, appreciation, it can be a little chaotic.

So especially with like traveling, for instance, like a lot of us are getting on planes and going through airports or driving or traffic or there's so many things that can go wrong during the holidays and timing and schedules. And so that's where it can get a little, a little crazy. But again, Thanksgiving is more about a gratitude and appreciation. And if you're anything like me, gratitude doesn't always show up perfectly.

Jojo (02:47.801)
It's not always like perfectly timed. There's things in your life that you can be appreciative of, whether that's your apartment, your family, your friends, your partner, your, you know, the list goes on. However, there can still be a place that we feel stuck and we can fall into comparison because everyone's posting on social media and the outfits and the aesthetics and the food and the everyone's looking like it's such a happy family or whatever it is, or they're on like a beautiful vacation.

And I think we can always wish that we had something that we don't and, and that can sometimes feel really shitty and can feel very hard. But I think acknowledging that and finding the grace in what's missing kind of opens up the flood gates to, to settle into really what this is about. So I want to get away from.

the guilt of not feeling grateful enough first and foremost, because we can be surrounded by family. can be home with the people that we love, but there's still a sense of loneliness or we should feel happy that we're, you know, we're with these people, but we don't, or there's other stuff that's on our plate or that we're dealing with. So I think there's again, a lot of comparison and social pressures externally from what looking grateful is supposed to

be and yet we feel so disconnected from what that actually is. The way that I want to talk about this is by completely reframing it. And let's talk about first of all, what gratitude really is mentally. I want to challenge this idea because gratitude can be this like surface level idea of just, you know, saying thank you.

But gratitude isn't just that. It's this mindfulness, it's appreciation and almost like the art of noticing. And it's even when you notice that maybe there's something missing, that's noticing. But if you're noticing that something's missing and you feel like you don't have enough, can you still practice the gratitude for what you do have?

Jojo (05:15.851)
Now that is challenging and yes, I understand that. I think in past years, I've always seen like, you know, the Christmas cards where it's like the families in matching pajamas and like these lavish holidays and them doing all these things with their extended family and their cousins and everyone's together. And it looks like this like perfect, literally perfect Christmas card kind of picturesque thing. And I've found myself just, just a little personal story.

We're not big Thanksgiving celebrators. I've always loved Thanksgiving, but my extended family is kind of all over the place. So the last time I think we all got together to do Thanksgiving together was when I was a kid, maybe like 12. And it's something I really miss. And I always felt like, really on the outside, but that, okay, it is important, but it's...

you know, not that important or whatever. And I kind of, you know, made excuses for myself and you know, I should be happy. I'm like with my family and I love you family. This has nothing to do with you, but it's again, like I was constantly comparing about like how other people were celebrating. And, and I think in that there were times in my life that I would post and like show and like try to

be in this more performative mode of like what holidays were when like in reality it was like we were all just having dinner and like maybe playing a board game or just hanging out. And it didn't have to be this like big thing that the whole world saw. I think now being more conscious of, you know, being grateful for the family dynamic and what that really looks like is

helping me reframe for myself, and maybe this will help you guys how to really look at, know, gratitude and be grateful for that. So mentally, is there something that you're specifically grateful for this year or for right now? It doesn't have to be big, it doesn't have be shiny, it can just be a consistent thing that is just there. That's enough.

Jojo (07:39.073)
I think there's also a duality, as I mentioned, with the gratitude and appreciation, because I think some of us might feel like if we are constantly wanting more, we're not being grateful for what we have. And I think the duality here is continued appreciation for what we already have. This was actually a concept that was brought to my attention recently, studying Kabbalah, and it's about desire and

My teacher said that we only have one thing in this world and that's our desire. But the difference between me and you, general you, between me and another person is two things. What we desire and how badly we desire it. And I think that's a very interesting concept because let's say like you have a beautiful home, but you desire to renovate or to move or to elevate or whatever that looks like.

It doesn't mean that you don't appreciate what you already have. And I think where we struggle is that shame in how do we really appreciate what we have and still have desire for more. And that might be the constant like back and forth duality that we face in ourselves. And then it's like, well, can't I just be happy with what I have? And maybe other people in your family are like, well, you should just be grateful. And I think there's a lot that kind of gets compounded on this.

I don't think that we should be limiting ourselves. think gratitude, appreciation and desire can be this triad sort of combination of we desire something, we appreciate what we have and still want what we have, but also the ability to desire more. So I don't think desire should be the enemy of gratitude.

by any means, I think it's just an amplifier if used consciously. And I think, especially for me, I'm in this like very interesting place in my life where I am outgrowing my current circumstances and I'm getting frustrated in that. And there's a big pull for bigger

Jojo (10:03.528)
and change and more. However, that feels bad because it's like, well, shouldn't I be grateful for what I have? And it's constantly doing that dance of, yes, I'm grateful for what I have. I still want what I have right now, but I still desire to move on and grow and change and expand. But in that, I can't be frustrated with the stuff that I already have because that diminishes and almost dampens.

what I have and I'm not necessarily appreciating it if I'm frustrated with it. So I think getting honest with yourself and being like, do I still want what I already have? Do I want more? And can I still be grateful for what I have while desiring more? So spiritually, think gratitude is something you almost have to awaken. It's not an obligation. It's not like I have to do this. It's

It's almost like if gratitude was a checklist and you had all those things that you had to be grateful for, like that's all cool, great and fine. But what if gratitude was a constant energy that you exuded a state of being rather than just like, okay, I'm grateful for my couch. I'm grateful for my bed. I'm grateful for my family. I'm grateful for, I'm just naming random things now, but you get the point. And I think the more that we appreciate our surroundings and aren't so frustrated and like down on that.

the more levity and light that we can bring into our lives that might feel more stuck. Because again, like I've mentioned so many times, but how I'm like outgrowing my circumstances, New York, for instance, I'm now at the point where, yes, I get very frustrated like living in New York and like being like, okay, I desire to have change and difference and I know exactly what I'm trying to go.

do and change about it, but it's like the timing and the rhythm and the pacing and all of those are a little bit, you know, on their own schedule. However, the other day I was on the subway and the subway is the subway. Like, I don't think anyone likes the subway. It's a very easy and effective mode of transportation, but it's not nice. You know, it smells like pee and it's crowded and they're

Jojo (12:28.83)
on their own agenda and there's really no schedule and it's just, it's the subway. But I got this wave of sadness standing on the platform the other day because I realized how much I was going to miss this once I left and the appreciation and the wave of appreciation that hit me was, wow, I got to experience this incredible city for the last 10 years. And

That kind of softened the frustration of like, wow, this platform smells like pee. Excuse me, but that's the reality of it. And it was like one of those moments where I caught myself being like, whoa. And I think in that moment, I was able to sort of be like, okay, I am really grateful for New York and I'm really happy that I'm still here. But if I don't learn to love New York and appreciate New York, I can't necessarily appreciate

where I'm going. think another thing about appreciation and gratitude and desire is the hallmark holiday of consumerism, of Black Fridays, of what Christmas and Thanksgiving are all about, like gift giving. I mean, it's all consumerism. And I think that's very interesting because we're constantly conditioned to want more, almost from a place of lack and scarcity rather than just like,

true like soul deep desire. So I urge you before the Black Friday sales, before everything and Cyber Monday and consumerism and my gosh, this person got this present and that boyfriend did that for her and her ring is massive. Before you go there, really check in with yourself of like what is aligned for you that you're actually desiring.

Because again, is it performative? Were you doing this for other people or is it something that's really aligned with you that like you are actually grateful for? Because how many people are just posting stuff to get validation externally and not really being like, well, is this something that is aligned with me? Do I actually want this or is it just that quick fix sort of mentality? So get honest with yourself because we are going to be seeing these pictures. We're going to be seeing

Jojo (14:53.575)
everything that everyone else is consuming and enjoying. But I think in order to stay embodied through this time and really present is to really just let it land and see if that is actually true for you and what it is that you are desiring. Again, those two differences between me and you is what I desire and how badly I desire it. So,

Just because that person got that bag or that car or I mean, that's extravagant, but you know what I mean? Went on that vacation, got this surprise, got engaged, got married. Who knows? Is that actually where you are in your life? Or do you feel like you're constantly playing catch up with, with where you think you should be and comparing yourself to something that doesn't even align with you? And I'm not asking you to settle. Gratitude doesn't mean settling. It's not like, okay, well I should just be grateful for what I have.

No, it's rooting. It's really understanding to your core what matters to you. Because when we root in appreciation for what we actually have and we awaken those desires for more, even though again, that polarity, that duality, it really does help build our becoming of what we can hold, bring in, manifest, create.

et cetera. So I did get messy throughout that episode, the way I structured it mentally, emotionally and spiritually. So mentally, where is it in your life and what is it that you are grateful for that you can still desire more of? And then, you know, where is that change that needs to happen? And emotionally, is it also like built in comparison? Like where is that true desire coming from?

and spiritually, how can you really ground in your gratitude and appreciation rather than like sinking into comparison and letting the world dictate what you want and really, truly grounding your own becoming of who you are, what you desire and allowing that to be enough. Holidays are a crazy time. Safe travels to all of you.

Jojo (17:18.289)
Get off of social media if you can, get present and don't compare yourself to what's happening around you or what other people are doing. Just really be real in your own path and your own authenticity. And just remember everything is edited. Everyone wants to make everything look perfect in a certain way. What's happening on the other side of the camera isn't necessarily reality of what you're seeing in front of you.

or in that picture. So get away from comparison culture. And hopefully this helped really just create a different approach and understanding to not feeling guilty for wanting more and yes, be grateful, but also desire more and what that duality is. So thank you for getting messy with me this week. Again, happy holidays, happy Thanksgiving.

Be everything, enjoy your feast. If you don't even live in the United States, I realize I have a lot of listeners that are not in the US. So this applies, gratitude, appreciation, and desire. You can apply this to any, anything, but specifically right now we are in the uptick of the holiday season. So definitely wanted to address this a little bit.

Anyway, gratitude is not just one day a year, it's constant. And yeah. Okay, well, you guys know where to find me on Substack or on Instagram at underscore inside out dot podcast. If this resonates with you, send this to three friends that or family members or cousins or whomever that can relate or that could listen to this. And hopefully they'll share it with three more people and gratitude and appreciation would just.

ring throughout the world. Anywho, that's enough from that and I will see you guys next week. Okay, bye!