Turning Childhood Shadows into Light: Sharon Rolph’s Journey to Healing and Purpose

 In this Inspiring Journeys episode, host Lauri Wakefield welcomes Sharon Rolph, who shares her journey from a traumatic childhood to a purpose-driven life. Growing up in fear and invisibility, she excelled academically to stay unnoticed, later uncovering painful family secrets. The trauma led to trust issues and using weight as protection. Through healing, Sharon embraced self-acceptance, healthy habits, and emotional resilience. Now, she empowers retirees and baby boomers to find joy and purpose through her Discover Your Spark, Rekindle Your Joy program and book, Fresh Courage in Retirement. By helping others embrace their essence and build meaningful connections, Sharon guides them toward a fulfilling, empowered life. Tune in for an inspiring conversation on overcoming the past and living with purpose.


Key Topics Discussed:

• Sharon reflects on her traumatic childhood experiences, including fear, invisibility, and painful family secrets.
• Discovering the power of self-acceptance, forgiveness, and healthy habits in her healing journey.
• Inspiring retirees and baby boomers to find purpose and joy through her book, Fresh Courage in Retirement, and program, Discover Your Spark, Rekindle Your Joy.


Key Takeaways:

• Childhood trauma can deeply influence self-perception, relationships, and emotional well-being, often leading to coping mechanisms like invisibility or physical barriers.
• Self-acceptance and self-love are critical for healing, as addressing physical health and emotional wounds helps overcome toxic self-judgment and fosters resilience.
• Sharing one’s story and experiences can be a powerful tool for personal liberation and inspiring others to overcome their own challenges and pursue a life of purpose.


Sharon's Bio:  Sharon Rolph, a behavioral scientist and Essence coach, empowers individuals to repurpose their talents, knowledge, and values into a fulfilling life. With 50+ years in the corporate world, she inspires retirees to find joy and purpose. At 75+, Sharon is an author, speaker, and influencer, guiding others to embrace their Inner Spark with courage. Her energy, optimism, and belief in human potential make her a powerful mentor for meaningful living.

More About Sharon:

Website: sharonrolph.com
Program: Discover Your Inner Spark
Book:

If you enjoyed listening to this episode, please share it with others if you think they would also enjoy it. Thank you!

Check out the Inspired Living for Women Newsletter.
Designed for women in their 40s, 50s and beyond who are ready to embrace the next chapter with confidence, purpose, and joy.

Or you can subscribe here to receive weekly inspiration, practical advice, and uplifting stories designed for women over 40. Let's thrive together!


Would you like to be a guest on the Inspired Journeys podcast?
Or do you know someone else who would be a great fit? Fill out the form here, and someone will reach out to you.

Website: inspiredlivingforwomen.com

Chapters

• 0:00 Healing From Childhood Trauma Through Awareness
• 13:45 Embracing Visibility and Self-Expression
• 20:10 Discovering Your Inner Spark

Transcript

Lauri Wakefield
00:00
Hi, welcome to the Inspiring Journeys podcast. Thanks for joining me today. I'm your host, Lauri Wakefield, and my guest today is Sharon Rolph. Would you like to say hi, Sharon? 

Sharon Rolph
00:10
Yeah, hi, Lauri. It's good to be here. Thanks for having me. 

Lauri Wakefield
00:12
Well, thank you so much. We were scheduled to do it a little bit earlier and I, for some reason, was thinking that it was tomorrow, so I just wanted to thank you for being patient and working with me. I could get myself together a little bit before we actually started recording. So you have a bachelor of science degree in administration and a master's degree in behavioral science, right?

Sharon Rolph
00:39
Yeah.
 
Lauri Wakefield
00:40
And then, as we get into the conversation, we'll talk about some things that you currently do for products and services that you offer for your audience, but let's start with your childhood. You had a very, very interesting childhood. I guess that's how I would. Let me just answer that question that you put in the chat. I try to keep it to about 30 minutes. So, let's talk about just what happened in your childhood, because it was something that was really hard for you and it took a long time for you to. I don't know if you ever moved completely beyond things, but to be able to talk about it without it evoking like a really strong emotion, like anger or you know other things that you might feel sadness, but go ahead and start talking about that. 

Sharon Rolph
01:33
Well before I I had a chance to be transferred with my job to Tampa Florida and before I left town here I was in somebody's home. 
01:43
I had been invited to somebody I hadn't never known before and she was giving kind of words of wisdom to everybody and I was one of the last ones and she asked me some question. I don't even know what the question was, but I think it was my earliest memory and I had had two or three times this memory of feeling stiff as a board in my crib and shaking, you know, my arms and legs, stiff as a board, and that my dad was by my crib and he had reached around the wall, called mom that I, that Sherry needs you. And you know you don't know that dreams are real or not, right, and this lady told me that was real. So to be in my crib and be petrified is kind of where this feeling invisible kind of started. So what I was aware of is that four or five years old I was asked by dad to masturbate him some in the sink. You know, and you don't kind of know what it's about and why are we doing this and all that kind of thing, but it seems strange.
 
Lauri Wakefield
02:59
It didn't seem like there were feelings that it probably was confusing and just weird. 

Sharon Rolph
03:08
Confusing, yeah, right. So as I went on, we moved to a 100-acre farm and part of our, at the end of well, when Dad got home from work we'd often go, and he was a carpenter so we'd often go swimming in one of the irrigation ditches in eastern Washington. We had to irrigate our farm to grow pinto beans and wheat and alfalfa, and he would be paying a lot of attention to my older sister and they'd kind of go upstream from the canal and do their whatever. And before we jumped in the car to go home we had to change clothes, so there was a certain amount of watching each other there. But I said hundreds of times, Lauri, that, especially in my teens thank heavens he keeps his hands off me, right, and I had figured out I imagine between about 10 and 12, that if I focus, don't rock the boat, get good grades, be obedient I might be safe, right, and I pretty much was. Eventually it was kept from me, but eventually I found out that my older sister had a baby by my dad. 
04:34
Right, which was probably just completely shocking, and just yeah, I mean, and what do you do with those feelings? I mean, you probably attention my older brother and sister, you know, mom had me use flashcards to. You know, two plus three is five and drill them because they were ahead of me in age and I actually decided to pay attention to what I was doing here and actually knew my sister's third grade math cards better than almost better than her, but because I paid attention I was able to skip second grade. 

Lauri Wakefield
05:34
Right, wow Okay. 

Sharon Rolph
05:35
Yeah, when I started first grade I stayed after school and read second grade readers to the teacher while she corrected papers, and I was always glad that I wasn't in that class behind me. They're mature, their grade was a little challenging but I've always been glad I was moved ahead and yet okay. So the result? Studies have shown that people who have been traumatized, especially with incest, that they either go through life being promiscuous. And my sister kind of leaned towards that way because her husband was on an army base a lot, and so there's opportunity. Or they put on a lot of weight so they don't deal with the come-ons. And so I put on weight. You know, I was going to school a lot in the evenings while working my job and grabbing a handful of cookies and going out the door for my next class was kind of common and besides, if you really knew me you wouldn't love me. You know how many of us women feel that way, you know.

Lauri Wakefield
06:47
Probably a lot of women. 

Sharon Rolph
06:50
Yeah, yeah so. So once I retired well, I yeah, once I retired, I did start losing weight. I think the first program I went on was the Wild Fit Diet. I highly recommend it. And the amazing thing about that diet they said don't change anything about what you're eating, but pay attention for the next week or two how food makes you feel. Who has ever asked that? 

Lauri Wakefield
07:19
That's an interesting concept. 

Sharon Rolph
07:23
So if food makes you feel light and refreshed, good, but how many things make you feel bloated, sluggish, and ice cream kind of makes you feel both of those, at least for me. But I'll never forget. Towards the end of the program and I don't remember how long it was, I think maybe three months but this man came on. He was looking for how has this changed your life? And this guy was in a wheelchair and he said you literally gave me my life back and that the whole diet is just a green smoothie. So he said avocado, spinach, celery and cucumber. Now, when we started, he said I realize you might not be able to handle that taste all by itself. You are allowed to put or add in a, I think he called it a green apple. But he recommended green, anything green. Well, yeah, but apples can be a sweetener, but a green apple would be less sweet. 
08:37
Anyway, I lost about 20 pounds on that I did. Still, my weakness was having some chocolate every day, and so I could have probably lost more, but I did lose 20 pounds. And then I was on the AdvoCare diet for a while and the main lesson I got from that was that any time you are eating carbs, you need to also be eating protein, because the protein and carbs are a good combination. Anyway, I have since lost about 55 pounds, and I could lose more. But the other thing, Lauri, that really started making a difference for me is I started realizing how much we are comparing ourselves to each other. Oh, she's slender, more slender than. Oh, she's got pretty hair or whatever. And all that judging of ourselves is toxic. 

Lauri Wakefield
09:40
Right it is. 

Sharon Rolph
09:41
And so I started saying I'm doing the best. I know how, just like my parents were doing the best, they knew how to stop that critical voice Shoot, get out of my head. You know, when I was 70, I gave myself a birthday party and I went back and pulled all kinds of photos that I had of myself, you know, and I actually hung them from the ceiling so people could walk around and see my little stories with them and I wasn't that happy. You know what this? Oh, you need this product to make you look slimmer and you need this product to be more healthy and all that stuff. And please shut up that critical voice in your head and tell yourself you're doing the best you know Right. 

Lauri Wakefield
10:40
Yeah, let's go back a little bit to like to about about your childhood. So like how, as you got into adulthood, so you put on the weight and and subconsciously I mean you think it was a way for you to just to not have men find you attractive so you wouldn't have to deal, because you probably had some trust issues and just some confusion about what it meant to be a woman. Yeah, and you really weren't able to talk to your mother about it because she defended him, right?

Sharon Rolph
11:14
We didn't talk about it. You know how I figured out what had the secret was? She was put in a basement apartment of somebody about 75 miles away.
 
Lauri Wakefield
11:27
And you're talking about your sister. Your sister was while she was pregnant, right?

Sharon Rolph
11:33
Right. I knew she was moved, you know, but I didn't know exactly why. That wasn't discussed. But I did read in her diary two or three days where she wandered around. She knew she was pregnant and wondered what dad would think of it and wondered whether it would be a boy or girl. And I never I mean it was just two or three times that I read the book. 
11:57
So 15 years later, when I felt like I was strong enough to handle whatever there was to know, because another sister had when she got married. They didn't really have much of a ceremony or honeymoon. And we're walking through the house and I think my sister said you don't know what there is to know about Donna and Wenatchee. And her husband said don't say any more. That's all you need to say, leave it at that. So that gave me a clue that there was something to figure out. And that's when I felt strong enough. I recalled reading that diary and then I called a friend here and told her you know I was kind of crying and shook up and all this. And she had me come over and we cried together. And I'll never forget her just crying with me and years later I found out that she had had something similar happen to her. She was about 15 years older than me, but yeah. 

Lauri Wakefield
13:01
I mean that's something that's got to be. You know, there are different forms of abuse and all of them can scar us. But I, like I know for myself, I mean I had which probably isn't uncommon for a lot of people, but there were, there was physical and emotional abuse, mental abuse, and you know just, but thank God that it was never sexual. I think that that's, that's a totally different, that's a totally different thing to deal with. So obviously, but anyway, well, so, so you're, you know, as you've gotten older, you've I mean I don't know if you can say that you've forgiven your dad. I mean, can you say that you have? 

Sharon Rolph
13:40
Well, she has now passed on, and so my dad, mom and dad. I, yeah, through my college courses, because I took my master's in behavioral science, I had to deal with that and we did some roleplaying where I was talking to, you know, somebody sitting in for like that. But I also attended some inner healing courses at our weekends. Usually it was a weekend where we were kind of praying for each other and I remember feeling like it was a stab. You know, I had a Band-Aid on my shoulder and I need to rip it off, and so I, yeah, I had never wanted to walk. Have my dad walk me down the aisle.
 
Lauri Wakefield
14:36
Right, well, you never got, yeah, you never got married. No, thank you? 

Sharon Rolph
14:40
Yeah, never did. And yet there were times at church when I know, one Sunday I felt like I was an eggshell and if anybody came up and said, boo, you know? It surprised me. I wound up in pieces on the floor. But I also there was other days when I felt like, oh Sharon, if you go to lunch after church. And I decided that I would tell my uncle our secret. And by the end of the week he was dead. But as we left the restaurant he affirmed for me that there were things that he had seen, that wondered what's going on here, you know, and that something didn't seem right. But outside the restaurant he gave me this big hug and I said this is the real kind of love, isn't it? 
15:42
And he goes yes, it really is, and he was in an accident later that week and the wind, big windstorm, and the truck he was driving landed up in the ditch and he died in that accident. I felt like that was such a gracious gift to me to affirm that it was weird and it was not right. 

Lauri Wakefield
16:05
So, even into your adulthood, you probably I mean, I don't know if it was recently were you just like being invisible, something that was just a big part of who you were. But you got to the point where you became just more willing to allow yourself to be seen. So do you want to talk a little bit about that? 

Sharon Rolph
16:29
Well, yeah, I actually felt, Lauri, that my whole career, way down in the bottom of my stomach, felt invisible. I didn't feel seen, I didn't feel heard. Yes, I did do a Toastmasters course and I did do Dale Carnegie. 

16:47
And when I did a how to have mental strength webinar, they said, well, when you want to go into a tough situation and you want to feel better about it and you don't know how it's going to turn out, well, first call to mind a warm memory and hold it for 15 seconds and then go into your meeting and it'll turn out much better. 
17:11
And so the things that brought to mind were, in fact, the things when I was in front of people. After looking at my list because I went on and make a list of 8 or 10, 12 things. And the list was in front of people. It made me feel good to be in front of people. Kind of weird. But when I started my coaching class the same time I retired, I told them about how I got gutsy and red. I told them I had written an email the night before to my friend whose birthday was the following weekend. I said I'm probably going to wear a hat to your birthday party. And she wrote back and said well, it might be only you, oh wait, maybe my sister. So they invited me to bring in the hat. 

Lauri Wakefield
18:02
Oh, I like that. 

Sharon Rolph
18:04
Yeah, a Kate Middleton hat. I guess they call it Fantasia. And the interesting, interesting thing, when they invited me to bring it in, I actually brought in not only that hat but three or four others. And I still am a little puzzled by what was trying to be seen. You know what was going on. Well, about six months later we were coming back from class, from lunch and I set the table and stopped my feet and said it's not okay to be invisible. Where did that come? You know, it kind of bubbled up, but I had also had, during that time, a profile come back in the mail from you know how we're different and it said I was an influencer. What? You've got the wrong person. Where did that come from? And you know, I kind of pondered it a little bit and maybe I have something to say. 

Lauri Wakefield
19:05
Yeah, was that something that you took, where you answered questions and then sent it back and then they sent you a report? 

Sharon Rolph
19:13
Yeah. So, somebody from New York City gave me a call and said we think you have something to say and we think you'd do good on a podcast. And we'd like you to be on our podcast. Well, $1,500 later for one episode. Then they said well, we think that you could have your own podcast and you've got energy and you've got something to listen to. You know something to say. And so I signed up to do audio only then. And then later I went with a couple of ladies here in town that did audio and video and they're on my YouTube channel. And now lately, a friend in Baltimore that I knew in my teens, he suggested I be into the Senior Miss America pageant and I'm considering it because I have a message. 

Lauri Wakefield
20:10
And I think too, because you spent so many years repressing parts of yourself, and so when you do that, you don't really know who you are. So when you do that, you don't really know who you are, and then when you kind of let those barriers crumble, you know, or push them away, then it's like there's this part you know, like the parts of you that have been pushed down, they start to emerge. I mean, I think that that's when you can really start liking yourself, is when you're just being who you are.
 
Sharon Rolph
20:45
I've been growing a lot this last year of loving myself and being able to look in the mirror and look into my eyes and say you're pretty cool. You're going to be okay, yeah. 

Lauri Wakefield
20:53
And you know there's nothing wrong with it. I mean, you probably do kind of like being on the stage, I mean maybe not for long periods of time. There's nothing wrong with that. I mean because people like to be entertained, you know, and there are messages that can come out through that. 

Sharon Rolph
21:06
I was shocked when somebody recently asked me how do you feel when you're speaking, Because I'd rather do that than coaching and I feel like I'm doing my job. 

Lauri Wakefield
21:18
Right, yeah, I mean some people belong in the stage they do and that's where they light up. I mean you can tell like if you, if it energizes you and you feel lit up, that's where you belong.
 
Sharon Rolph
21:29
Yeah, so you wanted me to share my, my Inner Spark, my essence that I teach everybody about? 

Lauri Wakefield
21:35
Yeah, okay. So we were talking about your mission statement. Why don't you start with that? And then we can talk about the Inner Spark, okay?

Sharon Rolph
21:44
Okay. So I intend to impact 10% of the boomers, retirees, to live from their spark, their essence, what's inside of them. Because when they do, they thrive, they have meaning, they have purpose and they live longer Better health. Right, they have purpose and they live longer, better health. So at 77, I brag about it and I'm pretty healthy.
 
Lauri Wakefield
22:08
So I was actually talking about the one that you read to me before. This is you. This is what you wrote. My mission is to ignite the synergy between vision and relationships to fuel success. I connect as a facilitator, encourager and motivator with the world through ideas, potential and possibilities. I light intrinsic fires. Okay, so you want to expand on that a little bit?
 
Sharon Rolph
22:34
Okay so actually I wrote that I wanted to be a facilitator between vision and, yeah, I forgot. I have a block, a motivator, okay, a facilitator, encourager and motivator. 
22:46
So is it one of those words Vision and oftentimes the leaders have visions but they don't trust to pass it off to their employees to fulfill. And I want to inspire the leaders to be willing to let the vision go because the people can actually fulfill that vision if you do a good job of throwing the vision out. 

Lauri Wakefield
23:14
Right, so okay. So, one of the programs that you offer is Discover your Spark. So that's what you were talking about before I so rudely interrupted you with your mission statement. Okay, so you want to talk a little bit about that? 

Sharon Rolph
23:29
Well, what I would like to share that I'm helping people do well, one my book Fresh Courage in Retirement Finding Purpose, essence and Fulfillment is a book that helps you do it yourself, find a purpose. I ask questions at the end of every chapter that I want you to work on, because it helps you think about yourself differently. And as you're putting down those answers, it might occur to you how much these questions are stirring up some good feelings about yourself and memories of things that give you energy and joy, and we need more energy and joy in our life on a daily basis. Now, some people like to do it yourself. You know, read the book. Oh yeah, I can handle that. Some people want to do it with someone, so they're asking other questions or telling stories that they can relate to, and other people just say do it for me. You know, right? And so Discover your Spark, Rekindle Your Joy is on my website and on the Great Discovery platform, and my website is SharonRolphcom. 
24:49
But here's what you get when you take the next step after having read my book is to write your essence statement or your spark statement. What's inside of you? What's inside of you is invisible assets and I wake you up to all those good things that you like about can draw on and it will feed your spirit over the days and years. So here's mine. I am precious jewel of wisdom. I am colorful, collaborator, motivator and learner. I am tranquil, authentic and pure in supply. I light fires. I'm here to light your fire. An example of what my invisible assets. I love to sew, I collect words of wisdom and I love color, and they're scattered throughout my book for you, because we actually learn differently when we see beauty. And also you'll find on the Great Discovery, a little e-book. That's what Makes your Heart Sing. If you have no idea of what makes your heart sing, I have 48 ideas that might trigger that. 
26:25
I love, for example. You know I love to. Well, I'd love to go hiking but I don't do that much. But it might be beautifying the roundabouts in your area that you love to garden and you can create beauty with your gardening. Or it might be as extreme as touching the water in the seven oceans. 

Lauri Wakefield
26:49
Wow, okay. So now is that something like a free thing that people can look at on the Great Discovery platform, or is that somewhere else, What Makes Your Heart Sing?

Sharon Rolph
27:03
I think it has a price of $17 on it and the course is $1,997. And there is a free offering out. There is the six tips that will keep you from tripping up in retirement that, when you don't have a job to do and a business card and team to work with, you might get bored, you might get overstretched with other people. Come help me all these 19 ways and you might get stuck. And we have six tips. That's free on the Great Discovery.
 
Lauri Wakefield
27:40
Yeah, I was going to say one thing too. Like when people end up retiring or I don't know, something that's been such a big part of their life, it's like they've identified so much with that role, with who they are doing that, doing whatever they do in their career, and then when they step away from it, it's like they have to and maybe not everybody identifies that strongly with it.
28:08
That they're, I don't know if I would say lost after they, after they retire, but it's evolving into something else or finding other things that they're passionate about and that they enjoy doing, and stuff like that. But yeah, it's. 

Sharon Rolph
28:27
So this is an example. Sorry that it's a little messy, but all these things. 

Lauri Wakefield
28:31
Did you, Sharon? Did you spill coffee on that? 

Sharon Rolph
28:34
Well, I think it looks like hot chocolate to me, oh yeah. You used to get positive emotions from your job. You know this is what's missing besides a paycheck your engagement with other people, your colleagues and your relationships. Engagement might be with a client or somebody on the phone that you know you're connecting with for your job. The meaning of life often comes from what you're doing in your job and the sense of accomplishment. 

Lauri Wakefield
29:03
Right, exactly! The accomplishment. 

Sharon Rolph
29:05
Yeah, all is invisible now and it actually becomes part of your invisible assets to some degree. But you need to replace that with a new strategy. We're the boss now. I know I started bouncing off the wall and I go how do I know if I'm productive? There's no boss to keep happy. And well, one day I read my essence statement, my spark statement, three times. I had it on the wall here behind me on a wall hanging, and actually I realized oh, you know, when I connect with what matters to me, every day feels right.
 
Lauri Wakefield
29:48
Right, yeah, and I think, like after people stop working or retiring, I mean like I know for myself, I mean I'm not retirement age but I don't really ever want to retire. I love to learn, so I mean I'm always like learning things and I think those are things that you know I'm. I mean I'm glad that I have those qualities because otherwise I'd get bored. Even as a kid, I always, always had projects and things I was learning and just yeah, I mean outside of school, you know. So anyway, I'm going to link to your website and then there are things on there where people can look around your website. They'll be able to find some of the things that we've talked about, probably all of them, right? So that's going to wrap things up for this episode. Thanks so much for joining me today. 
30:39
If you'd like more information about Sharon and the products and services she offers, you can visit her website at SharonRolph [dot] com S-H-A-R-O-N-R-O-L-P-H [dot] com, which I'll also link to in the show notes. And then I'll link to your book. If you'd like to see. the show notes for today's podcast, you can find them on my website at inspiredlivingforwomen [dot] com. The show notes will be listed under Podcast Shownotes, Episode 10. 
30:59
And I already mentioned this, but if you'd like to check out her book Fresh Courage in Retirement Finding Purpose and Fulfillment, I'll include a link to that. And if you'd like to join me as I continue my conversation with other guests exploring topics for women over 50, please be sure to subscribe to the Inspiring Journeys podcast. Also, if you have your own inspiring journey to share and would like to be a guest on the podcast, you can reach out to me using the contact form on my website. Thanks again and have a great day.

Sharon Rolph
31:34
All right, thanks for having me. Let's do it again.