Episode 6 "The Journey of Healing and Restoration"

In this episode we turn our attention to the journey of restoration — how God brings healing to hearts that have been wounded by coercive and unhealthy leadership. This is not just theory for Kerry and me. It comes from our own journey of healing and restoration. We know firsthand that restoration is rarely instant. 

Transcript

Welcome to the this episode in our series on Leadership in the Church and Christian Ministry.

In this episode titled the “Journey to Healing and Wholeness”, we’re coming to what, for Kerry and I, is not just a teaching topic — it is a calling. In this episode we want to explore how to experience healing and restoration from wounds caused by abusive and coercive leadership.

Over many years in ministry, Kerry and I have walked our own journey of healing and restoration from controlling leadership and authority insulation. We know first hand that these wounds don’t simply disappear with time — they need care, safety, and truth. That is why we believe this is such a needed ministry. We are now deeply committed to seeing others who have been damaged by hurt by coercive church leadership not only survive — but become fully restored. In this episode, we will talk about how you can begin this journey of healing yourself, and how you can also be equipped to walk alongside others in theirs. One of the most important truths we’ve learned is this: healing only happens in safe environments. A safe healing environment is one where there is no judgement, no pressure to perform spiritually, and no rush to “move on.” It is a place where your story is honoured, your questions are welcome, and your pace is respected.

Remember restoration is not a moment — it is a process of recovery. It often takes time. It requires being in spaces where you feel genuinely loved and deeply valued — not for what you do, but for who you are. If you’ve been wounded by leadership, we want you to know this as we begin: You are not broken beyond repair. You are not forgotten. And your healing matters to God.

An essential part of healing is truth and honesty. Healing cannot grow in the dark. It requires light. Jesus said, “You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” Diane Langberg writes, “Abuse thrives in secrecy. It is undone by light.” One of the reasons spiritual wounds linger for so long is that people are taught to minimise what happened to them. They are encouraged to forgive quickly, to move on, to stop revisiting the past — but no one has ever invited them to tell the truth about what really occurred. And until the source is exposed, the symptoms never truly heal. Spiritual and emotional abuse do more than hurt feelings — they create bondage. Control conditions the nervous system. Fear becomes normal. Silence becomes safety. Obedience replaces discernment.

Wade Mullen explains that abusive systems “reshape people’s internal world so that they lose confidence in their own voice.” That loss of voice is not just emotional — it is spiritual. People don’t simply leave abusive churches — they carry the system inside them. Prayer feels dangerous. Authority feels threatening. Community feels unsafe. What began as leadership failure becomes internal oppression. Chuck DeGroat observes, “Trauma does not disappear because a person leaves the environment. It lives on in the body and soul until it is named and healed.” That is why so many survivors struggle long after they walk away. The bondage is no longer external — it has become internal. But Scripture tells us: “Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.” Freedom does not come through denial — it comes through revelation.

Light does not condemn — it liberates. So in this journey of restoration, truth is not your enemy. It is your doorway. The more honestly you can name what happened, the more room God has to heal what was broken.

So let’s consider what this journey to restoration and wholeness really looks like. Healing doesn’t begin with answers — it begins with questions. Until the roots are gently exposed, the fruit keeps growing back. Jesus said, “Every plant that my heavenly Father has not planted will be pulled up by the roots.” — Matthew 15:13 That is a promise of freedom. Why does identifying the roots matter? Spiritual and emotional abuse often hides behind good intentions, but the impact is real. Until the source is named, survivors keep blaming themselves. Diane Langberg writes, “Understanding what happened is not about assigning blame — it is about restoring truth so that healing can begin.”

These are some Gentle questions that can uncover roots. These are not interrogations — they are invitations. What were you told about yourself that no longer feels true? Shame often enters through repeated messages. “There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” — Romans 8:1 Where did your voice start to disappear? Was there a moment when speaking up suddenly felt unsafe? Wade Mullen says, “One of the first losses in abusive systems is a person’s confidence in their own voice.” What behaviours were normalised that now feel wrong? Control, monitoring, public correction, spiritual shaming — these become invisible until light exposes them. What fears are you still carrying that don’t belong to you? Fear conditions the soul. “God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind.” — 2 Timothy 1:7 What boundaries were taken from you? Agency is often quietly stolen. Chuck DeGroat writes, “Trauma disorients identity. Healing restores the self that was lost.”

Let me speak about this gently, because this next part of the healing journey is never about blaming yourself. Spiritual abuse is never the fault of the one who was harmed. But there is still something powerful about honest self-examination — not to assign guilt, but to understand where our hearts were tender and where doors quietly opened. Proverbs says, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” Healing is not only about what others did to us — it’s also about learning how to protect what God has placed within us. I’ve noticed that some of the most vulnerable people are also the most beautiful in spirit. People who deeply want to please God often assume that their leaders share that same heart. Diane Langberg says, “Those most devoted to God are often the most easily manipulated when obedience is confused with silence.” When pleasing God slowly becomes pleasing leaders, discernment can slip away without us even noticing. Many of those who are wounded also carry a deep compassion for others. They forgive quickly. They give people the benefit of the doubt. But empathy without boundaries can quietly become obligation — and control finds a place to settle. Others carry old fears of rejection or abandonment. When belonging feels fragile, we will endure far more than we should just to stay connected. Wade Mullen observes that abusive systems use belonging as leverage — when connection is threatened, control intensifies. There is also spiritual insecurity. When someone doubts their own worth or calling, they can begin to look to leaders for identity. Chuck DeGroat writes, “When leaders become the source of identity, they also become the source of control.” And then there is the theology many of us were taught about suffering — that enduring harm is somehow holy. But Scripture says, “For freedom Christ has set us free.” God never asks us to surrender our dignity in the name of obedience. Let me stay with this for a moment, because this is where healing often deepens.

As we reflect on our own vulnerability, we’re not looking for reasons to blame ourselves — we’re learning how certain teachings, when misunderstood or misused, can quietly shape us in ways that leave us open to control.

Many of us were taught a version of Christianity that equated obedience with endurance. If something was painful, we were told to pray harder, submit more deeply, or trust God through it. Suffering was often framed as proof of faithfulness. But over time that message can distort something sacred. We begin to believe that pain is holy — even when that pain is being inflicted by people who are misusing power. Jesus never asked people to stay in harm and abuse in order to please God. Then there is the way teaching on faith and prosperity can also become a tool of manipulation. When leaders say that breakthrough, blessing, or spiritual maturity are directly tied to how closely we follow their vision, give financially, or submit to their authority, faith becomes leverage. People are made to feel that if things aren’t working in their lives, the problem must be their lack of faith — not the system they are living under. Diane Langberg says, “Spiritual language is often the most effective camouflage for abuse.” When Scripture is used to bypass conscience, it doesn’t draw us closer to God — it disconnects us from Him. And so what happens is subtle. Empathy turns into obligation. Obedience turns into silence. Faith turns into fear. Loyalty becomes survival. We don’t notice the shift because it happens in the language of devotion. But the gospel never trades freedom for control. Paul says, “For freedom Christ has set us free.” That freedom includes the freedom to ask questions, the freedom to say no, the freedom to step out of environments that are harming us. So as you reflect, don’t ask, What is wrong with me? Ask instead, What messages shaped me in ways that made control feel holy? What have I been taught to believe that has opened me to be controlled? These questions don’t lead to shame. They lead to clarity — and clarity is one of God’s great gifts on the journey to wholeness. When these tender places go unrecognised, empathy turns into obligation, obedience turns into silence, loyalty turns into fear, and humility turns into self-erasure. Self-examination is not self-condemnation. It is how God gently restores our agency — and teaches us how to guard our hearts in the future. Identifying the roots is not about reopening wounds — it is about letting light reach what was once hidden. And wherever light is welcomed, healing is already underway.

In the next episode we will continue to explore this journey to healing and wholeness form spiritual and emotional abuse . Until then take time to reflect on your own journey in wholeness and healing.